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50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share
Interview With Expert
One of the best things about childhood is its sheer randomness. Yet uncorrupted by society and its rules, kids can get away with doing most things, including saying anything that comes to their mind. Lucky for us, this often results in funny and unexpected sentences that are just too good not to share.
Recently, adults in this online thread were doing exactly that—posting the most hilarious and weirdest things a child has said to them. Fancy a laugh? All you have to do is scroll down and giggle at the #nofilter wisdom these kids shared with grown people.
While you're at it, don't forget to check out a conversation with the person who started this discussion and child psychologists Dr. Annie McNeill, Dr. Sophie Pierce, and Stephanie Nova Fields, Ph.D., who kindly agreed to answer why kids often blurt out such comedic things.
Image credits: SolidUltra
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Not me but my mom who used to teach younger children once had a kid tell her that the kids mom actually had a p*nis too, just like dads do. My mom reacted with scepticism and then the kid blurted out ”No she really does, I’ve seen it myself in her bedroom drawer”.
Nicola Thrope 1 year ago
"It's like daddy's, but bigger and it has settings. Daddy should get upgraded, but I guess its expensive"
ZGutr 1 year ago
the kid is not 100% wrong ..... The human penis and clitoris develop from the ambisexual genital tubercle.
Nikki Gross 1 year ago
Thank you ZGutr, it's nice that I learned something new today. Dekker is apparently scared and intimidated by anyone that displays some type of intelligence. Please feel free to share any other information that may help or educate other people. 😁
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Exasperated Side Character 1 year ago
My mom once told me that when i was a kid i found hers and played with it in the living room bc i thought it was a rocket 😅
RELATED:
#2
It wasn't to me, but to my brother in law. He was driving in his truck with his toddler daughter safely belted into her car seat. To keep her amused during the drive he was asking her what noises different animals make.
"What does a cow say?"
"Moo"
"What does a pig say?"
"Oink, oink!"
Then he decided to mess with her and asks "What does a turtle say?"
She was silent for a moment as she thought about it, then busted out in a big smile and said "Kowabunga dude!".
TheNewJenBrady 1 year ago
When my daughter was about 3, she thought all turtles/tortoises made loud grunting noises to "speak" because the first time she saw a tortoise at the zoo, it was trying to mate with the other tortoise lol. (These were the giant size tortoises)
glowworm2 1 year ago
Oh my gosh, that is perfect little kid logic. So cute!
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#3
Was studying for a math exam in college and some family friends brought their little kid for dinner. Little guy found his way in my room, said he's good at math and asked if he could help. "Eh I don't know, how do you draw the energy plot of a square signal?", and this kid, confidently amd without missing a beat, "With a pencil".
The person, nicknamed SolidUltra, who started this discussion in the first place shares with Bored Panda that their question was inspired by a little stranger who unexpectedly told them that his father eats his mom every night. “The kid's innocent tone and the funny reaction from his mom were so funny that I almost died from laughing,” they said.
We were further curious to know if they have a memory of their own where they have said something surprisingly amusing as a kid and it has become a recurring joke in their family.
They said, “I had my moment as well when I was a child. When I was about 6 years old, I visited my aunt and said, "What is wrong with your butt?" because I wasn't used to seeing such a form of the body, I was worried about her, and I didn't mean to offend her.
Even though I am now 24 years old, she is still mad at me, and I am her worst relative, even though I am so kind. I have apologized for sure, but I guess I've hit her weakness. It is so silly, but my mother keeps laughing at that moment every time someone recalls it.”
They believe that adults find kids saying random things funny because they are still innocent. “They are unaware of the sensitivity of what they say. Their innocence makes the moment more precious and unforgettable for me.”
#4
My stepdaughter was about 5/6 when I got pregnant with her half brother, I was getting dressed one morning and she looked at the stretchmarks on my 7/8 month along belly and asked 'why did the baby write all over your tummy'? Still one of my most precious memories of when she was little!
T J R 1 year ago
Awww that's adorable. It makes stretch marks not so bad when it's put that way.
cerinamroth 1 year ago
I don't mind mine. I truly see them as battle scars. My husband says they are where our little tigers were clawing to enter the world!
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KillerKiwi 1 year ago
Ok, but they don’t have to be. Not everything about a person has to be beautiful and celebrated. Just accepted.
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Justin Rogers 1 year ago
Stretch marks are a badge of honor and should be respected as a sign of motherhood
cerinamroth 1 year ago
Not all mums get them, and not all stretch marks are due to motherhood. But yes, all of our skins are our badges of honour. Scars, marks, wrinkles - all have stories to tell. Personally, I don't want to erase mine.
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Susan Teter 1 year ago
Oh Sweetie....in 15 years you won't be laughing at that...you will be praying to God to let you out of what you made
#5
My son, at 9yo told me I couldn't give him almonds in his lunchbox because it was No Nut November.
Arnold Larkins 1 year ago (edited)
No, but... yes (Just adding chaos, mwahahahahaha)
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Iampenny 1 year ago
Awww, how innocent and sweet, but it does beg the question, how has a 9 y.o. heard about No Nut November?
Angela C 1 year ago
Kids hear things. The s**t we used to say on the bus in 5th grade would have most parents clutching their pearls
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TheForrestGreene (he/they/it) 1 year ago
im tempted to google what no nut november is, but im scared lol
Charity Angel 1 year ago
I bit the bullet. It was exactly what I expected: abstaining for the month, both solo and with others.
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#6
Reminds me of when my mom was looking at baby photos of me, and there was a picture of her and tiny me on her lap. i asked where my younger brother was, since he wasn't in the photo, and she responded with "he's in mommy's tummy." this was the first time my conscious mind had been introduced to the concept of pregnancy, as my response was a wide-eyed glare followed by "YOU ATE HIM???"
John McLeod VII 1 year ago
I'm told I said exactly the same thing - to an absolute stranger in the store.
Ruth Fichter 1 year ago
This is why I NEVER told my children that a sibling was in my "tummy."
To learn more about why children often blurt such comedic sentences, we reached out to clinical psychologists Dr. Annie McNeill and Dr. Sophie Pierce from Feeling Stable and child psychologist Stephanie Nova Fields, Ph.D.
Fields explains, “Kids between 3 and 6 often say funny things, mostly unintentionally. At these ages, they are learning about the world and about language at a rapid pace. Their minds work hard to make sense of the world and to put things together. Their funny comments come about when they don’t get it quite right.”
She also adds, “They are at a concrete stage of thinking in which they understand things at face value and don’t get some of the underlying subtleties. This can also make for some funny comments and behaviors.”
#7
I told a little girl one time that her shoes were on the wrong feet. She busted out crying and said, "But these are the only feet I've got!".
TheNewJenBrady 1 year ago (edited)
I worked at a dance studio in highschool and one time a little girl came up to me crying because she couldn't find her ballet shoes. I was about to help her look for them when I realized she was wearing the ballet shoes. The missing ballet shoes were on her feet the entire time ☺️
Charity Angel 1 year ago
I have participated in a hunt for a very important set of keys, that granted the holder access to every single science lab and store in the whole school. Said keys were kept by the chief lab tech, on a lanyard around his neck. Took me a good few minutes before I realised what I'd seen when talking to him... (Never did tell anyone where we found them)
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#8
I worked at a day care for a bit and they said funny s**t all the time.. one of my favorites was when we were going over fire safety and the main teacher asked the class.. what do you do if you’re on fire? A 3y/o girl shoots her hand up in the air and yells “STOP DROP AND ROCK N ROLL!!!”.
glowworm2 1 year ago
Reminds me of a video where a little boy sings this song to his baby sister because his parents told him to rock her to sleep.
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Victoria Silvas 11 months ago
Omg so this happened but my tiny kid mind said "Jump into a toilet!" 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
#9
When I was deployed to Afghanistan we got a package from a bunch of elementary school kids. They sent cards, candy, and snacks. On one of the cards was a drawing of a graphic firefight with a bunch of dead soldiers. The only thing the card said was I hope you don't die. It made everyone laugh and we hung it up in our room lol.
veryvenasaur 1 year ago
One time we TRIED to do a pen pal exchange for french class and the teacher was checking our work like, "Good, very cute, sweet," then suddenly her face darkened and she said, "Where did you learn that word?" To this one student who had a total sh!t eating grin on.
Rachel Pelz 1 year ago
Isn't this just one honest and empathetic kid? I don't quite understand what's morbid about addressing the existing possibility of soldiers being killed in action, and then saying the most obvious thing: I hope you don't die.
MaggieMay85 1 year ago
Girl Scout troop sent me a coloring page that was a lady soldier putting on makeup when I was in Iraq. Where did they find that? I really wish I would have kept one. Cookies were wonderful.
Dr. McNeill and Dr. Pierce additionally mention that this is often a result of a lack of filter. “If they have a thought, you can bet they’re going to say it out loud. Part of what makes statements so funny and unexpected from children, unlike adults, is that they haven’t yet developed impulse control or the skills to filter their thoughts! Also, more than anything else, children want to make their adults happy, and they sometimes do this through funny behaviors or sayings so they can feel delighted.”
However, they aren’t usually aware that they’re being funny until someone laughs at them. Dr. McNeill and Dr. Pierce explain, “Children are always looking to others to make sense of who they are and the world around them. They pay attention to reactions and can feel the types of responses they are eliciting from others.
So, while they may not always know that their responses are funny per se, they can certainly feel and enjoy the reactions they are getting! Children who enjoy this type of attention will continue to engage in behaviors that get the same reaction or laugh from those around them.”
#10
My kid farted and said “there’s a duck in my butt” she was 3 at the time … I lost it.
Nikki Gross 1 year ago
Mine is more like a tornado siren, which given where I live and there is one down the street from my house it's probably not surprising. 😂
robin aldrich 1 year ago
🎶oh...there's a duck in my butt.🎶 (add twangy guitar, you got a hit country song)
#11
I walked into the living room and my 5-year-old son was sitting on the couch in a shirt and underwear only. I asked him why he was sitting there like that and he says:
"I changed my mind about pants.".
#12
I was working as a cashier and a couple came to my till with their young son (maybe like 5 years old or so). I go to give them their receipt and tell them to have a good day. The kid responded to this with "Thanks Baby, I love you!".
Upstaged75 1 year ago
A friend of mine's 4 year old son once came up to me and said "Excuse me Miss Upstaged?" When I said yes? he responded with "You're so pretty". Then he asked me for candy. When I asked him what that was all about he said "that's how daddy gets stuff from mom!". Little con artist. :)
Even if they aren’t aware of it, saying something out-of-pocket helps children move forward with their development. “A crucial part of building a child’s self-esteem and sense of self is having others, especially adults, find joy in them. When children get positive attention from adults, such as laughter, it communicates to the child that they have a positive impact and that others enjoy who they are.
Additionally, allowing a child to say something out-of-pocket and funny helps support them in finding their voice, learning how to express themselves, and connecting to others,” Dr. McNeill and Dr. Pierce tell us.
Fields concludes by saying, “These comments give us a glimpse of how children work to understand their world. I find it to be both charming and interesting. It is one of the things that makes this age so much fun for adults.”
#13
One of the funniest things one of my children said to me is that scorpions are desert lobsters and I don't think she is wrong 😂.
Arnold Larkins 1 year ago
Kid is ahead of is time in terms of classification
Load More Replies... Anikulapo 1 year ago (edited)
I’ve always loved sea food, and I’ve always known that crustaceans are essentially bugs, but one day the two REALLY connected in my mind for some reason. I still eat them, but now… I KNOW.
Dekker451 1 year ago
That's what I always say when I'm asked why I don't eat crab or lobster (it's always by someone who does). Their reaction is always confusion, revulsion or a combination of the two.
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KariAdoresHerKats🇮🇪🇵🇸🇩🇿 1 year ago
Kids should get to name everything. Desert lobster is so clever!
glowworm2 1 year ago
Reminds me of the kid who dubbed penguins "cold owls".
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Paulo Antonio Moreira 1 year ago
I went to Dali museum in St. Pete and bought a scorpion mug there. Only noticed it was a lobster mug at home, when read the receipt.
Nadine Debard 1 year ago
In French toes are literally foot fingers (doigts de pied) even if toe exists (orteil).
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#14
My then-4 yr old was wearing a Darth Vader t shirt that said "VADER" across the image of the dude, where the little triangle of the "A" was lined up to the triangle on Vaders mask. Pretty cool right?
Conservative uncle was complimenting his shirt. My little guy replied "Thanks! And hey look. The A-hole is his mouth!!" 💀 I think uncles soul left his body. Kid had no idea why everyone was laughing so hard.
Cammy Mack 1 year ago
The best compliment I could give is that he was repping real Star Wars and not that fake Disney stuff.
#15
I used to teach English in China.
One day, I was collecting homework from my 11-year-olds, and out of nowhere, the quietest, most reserved girl in the class pulls her homework out from behind her back, shoves it in my face, and exclaims, "SURPRISE, M**********R!"
The inflection was EXACTLY the same as the meme from Dexter.
I had to hold back my laughter so hard because it was in the middle of class, but the second the students left the classroom, I couldn't contain myself. I was nearly in tears.
Lyone Fein 1 year ago
It's always great when the quietest student does something so boisterous.
The Original Bruno 1 year ago
... and it has nothing to do with serial murder....
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Chewie Baron 1 year ago
Joe Lycett tells a hysterical story about a friend of his who used to teach English in Japan. One exercise was letter writing, in particular to ask for something back. One student started her letter with “Dear BASTÃRD! You probably know why I’m writing to you, daft bìtch!” So funny!
justanotherweirdo 1 year ago
If there’s one word in the English language that a non-English speaker knows, it’s a curse word. Probably because those are the most commonly used words in the English language 🤣🤣🤣
BoredPossum 1 year ago
A Chinese 11 year old girl said that? Half of these posts feel made up.
A pug with bananas 1 year ago
Ehhhhhh well in OP says that they are teaching English in china and swear words are not really talked about and they don’t understand the implications of mf
Load More Replies... #16
I once overheard a kid trying to convince his friend that he had superpowers. When his friend asked what they were, he confidently replied, "I can make all the traffic lights turn green... eventually." It was a charming mix of innocence and creativity!
Antonia 1 year ago
Our shopping centre has doors that open when you walk towards them. When my kid was about 2 he used to shout and voilá the doors opened. Once he forgot to shout and the doors opened anyway... Big surprise
Wysteria_Rose 1 year ago
Sometimes I try to blow air at the stoplights to make them turn green. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.
#17
Helping my grandmother go grocery shopping with my much younger cousins. Took one up to the bathroom while she grabbed a few more things. As we were walking back to her, he, very loudly, says "look! It's grandmas special juice!". While pointing at the wine aisle.
ElfVibratorGlitter 1 year ago
I used to drink diet coke for breakfast (I know it's disgusting but whatever). It's a silver can. Leaving a convenience store/gas station my daughter points to a case of beer (I think it was miller lite?) with silver cans and says at the top of her lungs, Momma! Look! They have your breakfast!
#18
I heard a little girl once say that she was mad at her dad because he had bigger breasts then she does! I was dying lmao.
The Amazing Fluffernaut 1 year ago
When you scroll up and down for this picture, does the striped shirt do a wierd thing
Seanette Blaylock 1 year ago
Just give it time, sweetie. Yours will grow when you're old enough.
Jrdiver 1 year ago
Depends on the age, she might not be old enough to know that....
Load More Replies... #19
I returned to skateboarding after 30 years away. I was at a local skate park and ate s**t. While I was on my back checking my internal systems to determine if anything was broken or bleeding, a young kid rolls up and says, “Damn, are you ok grandpa?!” 🤨😆.
That One 1 year ago
Rude kiddos aside, kudos to you for skateboarding again! It's awesome when people return to such activities. 🥂
Debby Keir 1 year ago
The grandpa thing *wasn't* rude. Some kids grandpa's ARE in their 30/40's. Plus, anyone grown up is obviously eons older than a kid (in their mind).
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Lawrencium 1 year ago
Skateboarding Tip: consuming fecal matter is not recommended by the FDC.
Mylo 1 year ago
No, ate sh*t is a term for when you fall off of your skateboard, typically landing face first.
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#20
Me at the playground with my son. Little kid comes up to play with us.
Me: What's your name?
Kid: A*****e
Me: Whaaaaat is your name?
Kid: A*****e
Me: Your name is... A*****e?
Kid's mom overhearing us: His name is "Axel". We didn't really think about it.
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
My half sister named her kid Axel and that day I learned it's from the bible. Had wondered when she listened to GnR...
Huddo's sister 1 year ago
I asked a kid the other day what his brother's name was. It sounded like 'Heshe' but I knew that couldn't be right. Turns out his name is Heath/Heathie.
#21
(Talking s**t is our love language, no feelings were hurt)
Not to me, but my daughters were bickering and my youngest says "at least I wasn't an accident!" and her sister didn't miss a beat and shot back "no, you were a mistake". I laughed so damn hard.
two-sided llama 1 year ago
Hi mistake hi accident hi blunder I’m catastrophe
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Steve Hall 1 year ago
My brother and I were referred to as ignorance and stupidity, then my parents learned about birth control.
pemdas927 1 year ago
They're called "Miracle Babies" in mine. Your uncle John and aunt Jane got married and four months later, your cousin Jen was born. Born four months after they got married. She was a Miracle Baby.
Load More Replies... #22
When I was a kid I was watching my dog doing dog things and I said to my mom, “I wish I was a dog.”
“Why is that, sweetie?”
“So I could see what my nuts taste like.”.
Milady Blue 1 year ago
George Carlin was talking about his dog doing just that. "Spectacular thing, here. If I could reach, I'd never leave the house, man!"
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Andy Frobig 1 year ago
Two guys are walking along and see a dog licking his junk. One guy says "I wish I could do that," the other guy says "I think you better pet him first"
Howl's sleeping castle 1 year ago
When my nephew realised that all my cat does is eat, sleep and play, and doesn't have to go to school, he said 'i wish I was a cat'
#23
Once when i was a kid, i asked my grandma if she remembers how dinosaurs looked like 💀.
Downunderdude 1 year ago
When I was little, I apparently asked my father if they said 'thee' and 'thou' when he was a kid.
Anonymous 1 year ago
I once had a three year old ask me if I was there when the asteroid killed all the dinosaurs. I'm fine with her complete misunderstanding to time, but impressed and baffled as to why she thought I could have survived that when the dinosaurs didn't.
FoxEcoLimaIndiaCharlieIndiAlfa 1 year ago
That's a very smart 3 year old, they might now a few dinosaurs usually but to relate the asteroid killing the dinosaurs when seeing an older person, is pretty darn impressive.
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Salem 1 year ago
When I was a wee little child, I once asked my dad if they had airplanes when he was a kid 😅
nottheactualphoto 1 year ago
Well... when my dad's *parents* were little kids, there were indeed no airplanes.
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#24
I worked at a summer camp where, on a cold and blustery day, a boy at the swim pond loudly and repeatedly cried, “I’VE LOST MY TWO BEST FRIENDS!”
We evacuated the swim pond and started the process for an all-hands pond search. It was at this point that one of the lifeguards noticed the kid’s hands frantically cupping his swim shorts: this was his first time experiencing shrinkage.
Jaya 1 year ago (edited)
Sounds like a joke and not a real story. Surely they'd ask questions before evacuating the pond? Like 'What are their names, where did you see them last, what happened'? They´d figure out he wasn't talking about humans very quickly. Why would they immediately evacuate the pond, when it happens all the time that a kid can't find someone at the pond/swimming pool, when they're actually somewhere close but the kid didn't see them, or they've simply gone to the toilet?
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
It's not his heart that needs a blessing.
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Debby Keir 1 year ago
Oh, for goodness sake - don't you ask 'which 2 best friends?' and ascertain from the answers that it's not actually a red alert.
Mylo 1 year ago
Because they were in a body of water and children can drown very quickly.
Load More Replies... #25
My godson asked me to tell a "mad story". I said I bought a different brand of yogurt and I couldn't get the cover off, and that made me mad. He asked "Could you get help from an adult?".
I_imagine_even_worse_w***s 1 year ago (edited)
Yes my much younger sisters kids don't think I'm an adult. They have often asked me who minds me and how come I'm allowed to drive etc. they seem to have confused adulthood with parenthood no matter how many times its explained to them!
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
My cousin Karrie is fourteen years younger than I am. When she was two and I was sixteen, I told her she should listen to me because I was an adult. She told me I was a grown up kid. I thought that was the perfect definition of a teenager.
Charity Angel 1 year ago (edited)
Heck, that's a great definition of a lot of people with ages past the teens. I include myself in there and, in the words of a classmate I bumped into a few months ago, I'm "pushing forty" (edited to revise a weird autocorrect)
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KnightOwl 1 year ago
All 16 of my neices and nephews know that I'm not a 'real' adult, I'm just pretending. I have really close relationships with all of them and they know that they can talk to me about anything and I'll never judge them. 9 of them have autism so often struggle to understand certain social cues or why certain subjects upset people. Their parents are often too busy, tired or overwhelmed to have these types of conversations (kids have a knack for choosing the worst possible time to bring up a difficult question or start a deep conversation) so I always try to make time to help them when I can.
#26
I used to give my kid a five dollar bill to tip the pizza guys. He loved it, it made him feel like a big kid. Once, when he was about four, I gave him a fiver and he leaned in real close and said "if you give me fifty bucks, I'll k*ll Superman".
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"Mr. Kent, it's your pizza, but I'd skip the kryptonite topping if I were you."
Papa 1 year ago
Superman didn't do anything to him, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars.
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#27
My niece asked me if she can have a piece of skin from the cadavers I work with so she can give it to her boyfriend for Valentine’s Day this year.
They’re 8.
KariAdoresHerKats🇮🇪🇵🇸🇩🇿 1 year ago
And that's probably not the weirdest thing someone has gotten for valentines day
Pigeonvonbirb 1 year ago
I wonder why she would need that, and why she already has a boyfriend💀💀
Raphosaurus 1 year ago
Clear thing: as a gift! And well... I had my first girlfriend when I was 4 or 5. It's not uncommon and a way to copy and learn from adults. And it's just innocent.
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LadyRougarou 1 year ago
So I collect oddities and my niece is 6 and keeps asking for one of my hearts(pig heart wet specimen) when I asked why she said so she didn't have to take her boyfriends to put in a jar bc she really wanted a heart in a jar. I laughed my SIL gave me a certain look 🤣
Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 1 year ago
Niece will either grow up to be a crime scene investigator.... Or a serial kíller...
#28
Not to me, but friend's daughter to him, her dad: "Daddy? Does mommy know you're my daddy?"
Abigail Moritz 1 year ago
But then are we really sure? I need a DNA test for proof. Oh and here is your cookie 🍪
Load More Replies... #29
I worked at a movie theatre that recently was getting s**t on because of new people in the company making poor decisions. I had been planning to leave for a while, and on one of the rougher days, I was helping a mom and her two kids. The youngest daughter, I'd say was maybe 7-9, was waiting for her mom to finish ordering food, and then asked me, "do you hate your job?" I almost broke laughing right in front of them, and I had to reassure to the mom that it wasn't exactly an out of place question. I hope that kid goes places.
nottheactualphoto 1 year ago
I dunno. She waited until Mom was done ordering, so the timing wasn't all that awful. That's a sharp kid.
Load More Replies... #30
I was walking into a store and there was a little boy around 7 standing just inside the door and when he saw me he turned to me and said with heartfelt anguish “She said she was only going to be 5 minutes!”.
DB 1 year ago
I read that with a French accent like in SpongeBob SquarePants.
Load More Replies... Charity Angel 1 year ago
There's a bit outlet store near me that is very popular with women of a certain age. Next to the ladies' changing room there is a room with a few sofas, where the husbands can wait without having to lurk awkwardly. I have heard it called the husband crèche. (This place also has a coffee shop, which runs (or ran) offers for free refills when coffee /tea and cake were bought, for a more permanent stabling of the spouses.)
Load More Replies... #31
My niece asked me why didn't I let my hair grow on the central side of my scalp ^^
She doesn't know about hair loss yet.
Papa 1 year ago
When my grandson was about 4 I had a long beard. I finally got tired of it and had it trimmed short. The first time he saw me after having it trimmed he took one look and said "Papa, you got a haircut on your face!"
RapidUnscheduledDisassembly 1 year ago
When our daughter was about 3 or 4, hubby decided to shave off his beard completely one evening. She came running into the kitchen, eyes wide as saucers, and exclaimed, "Mom! Daddy's cutting his chin off!"
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Heather Atwood 1 year ago
When we asked my son (4) where his grandpa's hair went and he said "It got blowed off on the motorcycle"
David Beaulieu 1 year ago
Out to dinner with some coworkers and their families my daughter says loudly "My dad isn't bald, he just tiny invisible hairs."
Justin Rogers 1 year ago
I just recently cut my waist length off and shaved my chest length beard and nobody recognized me. If it wasn't for Hobbs, 3-legged house goat nobody would know it's me. Haven't seen my chin in 15 years and Haven't cut my hair in 10 years
Ivy at Eve 1 year ago
.My nephew, about 3 on the tram wirh grandma noticed a bald man. He crawled up to stage whisper in her ear: "I think that man is a bit broken"...
#32
My older cousin was obsessed with Shrek. He got a toy microphone for Christmas one year, and was playing with it in the basement while the adults went upstairs for coffee, and all of a sudden they hear him singing Baby Got Back, which donkey sings at the end of Shrek. But my cousin, who couldn't have been more than 4 at the time, didn't know the words, so what he actually sang was "I like big butts and I cannot lie, and I like it with pumpkin pie.".
Victoria Silvas 11 months ago
OMG so I was at a sleepover (I was 5) and my friend sleep talk and she said "I like thicc butts wanna know why I'm gay so bye." And I kept on repeating that in School.
#33
Our first grader daughter told us that she broke up with her crush. She said," I dont have a crush on him anymore, he is so annoying. I want somebody who is serious,smart and who actually listens and makes a good team." We asked her the details and told us, she was partnered with her crush during their class activity and they only got 1 point,because this particular boy was just so silly and not good in listening.
Kat 1 year ago
Complaint?? "somebody who is serious,smart and who actually listens and makes a good team." I know that I definitely would not, want the opposite of that. Besides she didn't try to change him. She moved on for better.
Load More Replies... #34
A kid has told me once "sir do you know that my dad eats my mom every night" his mom smacked his back and left without looking at me 😂.
KariAdoresHerKats🇮🇪🇵🇸🇩🇿 1 year ago
Probably over hearing private jokes or talk.
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Rodg Chr 1 year ago
Or maybe... when we were young and my dad came home from work, we would all run to the front door to greet him, hoping we'd be the one he scooped up first. Sometime he used to grab my mom and pretend to gnash/chew on her neck... much to our absolute horror. It didn't matter that it always ended up with laughter. We were convinced dad had turned rabid.
Rahul Pawa 1 year ago
I appreciate you trying to find a way that this could be innocent, but it does still seem like a stretch.
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Paul Pallansch 1 year ago
It's amazing what you overhear while pawing through the dildo drawer.
Kalon Suszko 1 year ago
I can see dad telling mom "I can't wait to eat you later" w/o thinking the little kid understands what dad means. They just repeated what they overheard...
#35
A kid once told my mother’s coworker (a 60year old kindergarten teacher) “madame, even though you’re old and ugly I still love you”.
Debby Keir 1 year ago
Churchill - you say I'm drunk, but in the morning I'll be sober, but you'll still be ugly.
Never Snarky 1 year ago
When my BFF was very little, she asked her aunt, “Aunt Mildred, were you always this ugly?”
#36
When I went to wake my son up to get ready for school, the very first thing he said to me was daddy my butt has a crack in it.
#37
"Why do I have to listen to you, pointy neck?"-from a student at a program for developmentally delayed children. My ego and Adam's apple were never the same.
Jinx (she/her) 1 year ago
Kids can suck, I, a cis woman, was bullied as a child for having a visible Adam's apple, among other dumb things.
#38
An adorable, four-year-old Trick Or Treater rang my doorbell. She looked like Cindy Lou Who from How The Grinch Stole Christmas. As I was giving her a candy bar, she looked me squarely in the eye and said, 'My parents are getting back together again. I don't know what happened to my Dad's girlfriend. My mother hated her.'
#39
I used to run a small tire shop in the middle of nowhere. We had this one pretty rough customer who would come in always looking for a handout (something on credit). Well she comes in one day with another sob story, and talking about how she knows my father (he owned the place, I just managed it), and how we should give her a tire today and let her pay for it later. At this point, her son in the car, who can’t be any older than about 7 or 8, leans out the window and yells ‘You ain’t got credit nowhere, momma! That’s what the last guy said!’ Im doing my best to hold it together at this point, and I’m doing a much better job than my brother, who I can hear in the office behind me laughing his a*s off. I don’t know who this last guy was, but he was clearly wise beyond his years.
Max Fox 1 year ago
We were buying our first car in the USA, and old used Toyota Tercel (it was old enough to be be have a "Toyota Corolla-Tercel" on it). As we were discussing the car a bit with the owner, their kid (around 5) says, out of nowhere, "Daddy do you remember when you were trying to open the door in the winter and the handle came off?!". Only the fact that the guy was really selling it at a rock-bottom price kept us from shaving a bit more off the price after that.
JustAnotherPanda (she/they/he) 1 year ago
lol learn to take jokes and step out of your little comfort zone
Load More Replies... #40
I worked as a nurse in a pre school. I was sitting on a bench and a 5 year old boy comes up to me and says "well, what’s this pretty little angels name".
Arnold Larkins 1 year ago
5 years olds have unlimited rizz, don't you know?
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Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
I had a three year old boy propose to me at the daycare. He got on one knee, kissed my hand and all. His mom was a sweet lady, and I started calling her "mom" . He'd smile so proudly. It was adorable.
KariAdoresHerKats🇮🇪🇵🇸🇩🇿 1 year ago
This kid already trying it with the ladies. Probably spends a lot of time with adults who are around children
New Everywhere 1 year ago
Yeah the little ones have game. When my son was 4 I was telling him again to put up some toys before moving on to more and that he had told me before he started that he would do that. Mid -speech, this kid grabs my face, looks me into my eyes and says "I promise everything" holds my gaze for a few seconds then goes back to playing.
KnightOwl 1 year ago (edited)
I picked my 6yr old nephew up from a few weeks ago, as we're walking along the street a he suddenly points, while staring wide eyed at a very pretty Asian lady walking towards us. As she's passing us he waves at her and should "what's your name lovely?" She stops and comes over to talk to him, he proceeds to indicate to her to bend down, which she does. He then reaches up cups her face in both hands, gives her a kiss on the cheek and says "you're beautiful" still cupping her face in his hands he looks her square in the eyes, with a very serious expression on his face and says "you are so beautiful, I hope you know that" before giving her a hug. He then turned, took my hand and walked away, all I heard was her saying over and over how sweet he was while she was almost crying. To be fair he is an incredibly sweet, charming child and does things like this a lot, he seems to have a bit of a thing for black and Asian women (he's mixed race)
#41
I had a kid that couldn't be older than six ask to fight me while standing in line at the movies. I told him "no thanks," and that seemed to be an acceptable response.
#42
Yesterday a kid said to me “you look like you suck at basketball”.
#43
My kid is 4 and we were talking about space. In space, there are asteroids, planets, and black holes.
He misunderstood and confidently said "there are butts in space".
geezeronthehill 1 year ago
That's what black hole means in Russian. They call them by another term, which escapes me at the moment.
nottheactualphoto 1 year ago
I thought they would be in the assterrhoid belt
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#44
Briefly worked as a volunteer at a pre-school (ages 3-5) and I was sitting helping a couple of the kids put a puzzle together and one of them randomly said, “Can I rap for you?” I was surprised but thought how bad could it be? He then proceeded to rap while his buddy attempted to beatbox.
#45
So one of my closest friends before we got really close and just got to know is each other we would face time and on day in face time she introduced me to her family and one day I visited my besties house and the first thing one of her little sisters says is “you look even uglier in person”.
Angela C 1 year ago
My little cousin came up to me, said "you're fat" and walked away. Not wrong but still
Load More Replies... Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
The kid saw OP on a video call, like Skype or Zoom. OP eventually went to their house, where the child met them "in person" rather than via a video app.
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Bill Swallow 1 year ago
Getting 'Evangelion Pilot' vibes from that picture - and from her statement.
#46
There was something stuck in the headphone port of my phone, so I tried to suck it out, which worked. Some kid then asked me why I was trying to vape from my phone.
#47
My kids were getting in the car when my daughter (7) elbowed my son (5) between the legs, conversation went as follows…
Son: ow my peanuts!
Me: your what?
Daughter: his peanuts
Me: what’s that?
Daughter: it’s another name for winky that I heard at school.
I didn’t correct them as it’s just too funny.
KariAdoresHerKats🇮🇪🇵🇸🇩🇿 1 year ago
The names some kids have for their body parts is just too funny
Sinna Stevenson 1 year ago
I proudly announced at a family get-together that I found my front butt, apparently.
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Kenneth Barns 1 year ago
My sons both did the same. It was generic catch-all phrase for "penis and/or nuts" (they could name them individually if they needed to).
#48
Years ago I had a goatee and moustache combo. My cousins 7 year old daughter told me that my mouth looked like a v*gina. At the time I was just "um, okay". Though now I find it a funny story.
MellonCollie 1 year ago
Well ... The little cousin really isn't the only one with that impression. In Dutch, we vulgarly call a moustache/goatee combo (but with the goatee going all the way up to the moustache) a "talking p u ssy". Yup.
#49
A third grader said: “I hate friction!”(fractions).
Lawrencium 1 year ago
It took me a while to realize the 1st equation says 42 and not 4²
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That Person 1 year ago (edited)
42 ≠ 16 Edit: it was 42 and not 4^2, this teacher needs to work on her penmanship
#50
I work in a school, so I hear amazingly ridiculous things every day, but the best one I’ve ever heard still goes to a girl called Vanessa in science when I was at high school. The teacher was explaining the theory of the Big Bang. Vanessa’s hand shoots up to ask a question, the teacher says “yes?” And Vanessa says staring at the ceiling in what looked like deep thought “so… is that what killed the dinosaurs?”.
T J R 1 year ago
Mine was 12th grade Health class when a girl asked if girls can get pregnant from the holes in our nipples...
Arnold Larkins 1 year ago
If 12th grade is 18, then... SHE WAS LEGALLY A MFING ADULT AND SHE DIDN'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT PREGNANCY?! WHAT?! WE AUSTRALIANS HERE LEARN ABOUT PERIODS AND TESTICALS IN YEAR 6! WHAT IS THIS?!
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#51
Kid: How old are you? Me: 48 Kid: How did you manage that? I've only made it to 8.
#52
Years ago, in high school, I told a kid (two years younger, so not much of a kid) that he had a subzero IQ. Kid: *Don't talk Physics to me*.
#53
My son had two on me that stick in my mind *random conversation* Kid - "Daddy it's because you're fat" Me - "while True, that's not funny" Kid - "it's a little funny" *holds up hand showing a little bit* I wish I could remember the conversation. But his timing was perfect...and it in fact was a lot of bit funny. Second one: *gives first pair of big Kid underwear* "DAAAAAAAD DAD!!! I have a P*NIS POCKET!!!" he then ran around singing "p*nis pocket" with his hand shoved in the front of his underwear. I couldn't even breathe I was laughing so hard.
#54
When i was at my gfs place for the third time or so her niece asked my gf if we she wants to marry me. My gf laughed and said no, thats way too early. her 7 year old niece then said: that's right, better look for a guy with more qualities. I was speechless.
KariAdoresHerKats🇮🇪🇵🇸🇩🇿 1 year ago
That little girl has a list and he was matching up to anything on it
#55
My 5 year old calls the concession stand at arenas the "concussion stand." Very unfortunate and has got some weird looks.
cerinamroth 1 year ago
Well, my wee boy did just whack his head on the "shelf" part of one of those things, so the 5YO's not wrong!
#57
*pokes dead bug* Move you b***hole! The race has started!
#58
Kid in a ski lesson i was teaching: "i want the group name to be golden shower because i love golden showers".
veryvenasaur 1 year ago
Hey so overly innocent teenager here: What's that. (Please don't downvote me into oblivion I don't want to look it up for fear of images I'm not a bad person I just don't know everything)
Vix Spiderthrust 1 year ago
Consensual urination on a partner for the sexual gratification of one or both parties. (Headless Horseman, don't read this post)
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#59
Son's friend told me that his parents get mad at him for taking long showers. He then said "they act like I'm hogging all the hot water, but um, no I'm not! It's florida, the water is already hot when they pump it in from the ocean, duh!!".
#60
I had a little kid ask me how much I get paid at my job in front of my coworker. Then after I said I cant say asked why, so I had to attempt to explain why grown ups don't do that, then he goes "so not a lot then?" I was just defeated at that point lol why the mom didn't intervene? beats me 🤷♂️He didnt get it lol. 😂.
Roy 1 year ago
In my country, you can discuss your salary and how much you earn with work colleagues. Are you from the US?
Jane Doe 1 year ago
In the US, I work with people who truly believe the company can fire you for sharing your salaries. I explained that the federal government had to step in and make that illegal. People can discuss salaries...and they should. "Oh, that would just make people people feel bad." Or it could result in changes in the system. It was crazy.
Load More Replies... veryvenasaur 1 year ago
I coach chess I had a little kid ask me how much money I had. I didn't want to get into my college savings since most little kids can't fathom an amount over say $500. So I said "I have about $150 in my checking account and $50 in cash." The little kid was like "HOW DO YOU HAVE SO MUCH?!?!?!?" and I was like "Well buddy I have a job." And this kid is like "really what?" and I say, "Well this." The kids mind was blown that day.
#61
I was at a park with my little brother and some kid came up to him and asked to play. My little brother is shy and kinda hid behind my leg and told the other kid no thanks. This kid had the angriest look and said “WELL THAT’S WHY MY DAD CAN BEAT YOUR DAD”. My little brother started to cry so I picked him up to comfort him, another little boy comes in and tells the rude boy “I don’t think you have a dad, h*e”. And then proceeded to run off while the rude boy cried to his mom. I ended up telling my dad about it and we still laugh to this day over it.
#63
A few years ago, my nephew (5 years old at the time) looked up at the night sky and said "Oh no... the stars are out" I asked him why he said "Oh no?" He replied "Because the stars can see into my soul" Was so weird...
cerinamroth 1 year ago
This makes me think of my 2.5-YO son two days ago. When he woke up he asked me where the dark had gone. I said it's daytime here, so the night is on the other side of the world now. And he replied "Phew! That was a close one!" :D
#64
I've got a good one for this. I work in a daycare as an educator. One day I was working with the preschool room (roughly 2.5-4 years old). At random the children created a sort of game with me, where they would claim to be different foods and then i would pinch their jacket and mime eating to pretend I was eating that food (e.g. "I'm a broccoli") After a little while of only using foods, some of the children started listing non-foods (e.g. "I'm a monkey", "I'm a worm"), to which I would give a big exaggerated reaction along the lines of "a worm? I don't want to eat that! The one response that broke my composure that I just could not manage to play along with because of laughing/surprise: "I'm a disaster!".
That One 1 year ago
Those are not non-foods. Let the kids be prepared to a possible starvation.
Lesbiancats 1 year ago
2.5-4 for preschool??? I'm a daycare worker (two's classroom) and I would d!e if I had that big of an age range!
#65
My 3 y.o was upset with mom one day and came to me and said "daddy can we throw mommy in the trash she's making me mad."
#66
So my little sister (4) she said ,,i want to became a callboy" She meant cowgirl...
KariAdoresHerKats🇮🇪🇵🇸🇩🇿 1 year ago
I love how kids get names mixed up. My Foster daughter used to call lip sticks lick stick and when i would put a bit on her side wouldn't move her mouth to talk in case it fell off. She also used to call high heels he hiles we still use both of those today even though she's a grown woman.
ElfVibratorGlitter 1 year ago
Belly-hoot (bathing suit but you know how little kids can have adorable tummies) and ocean lotion (sunscreen).
Load More Replies... Ross Shaw 1 year ago
I am into living history and, at the time, was performing on weekends at an Old West Festival. I brought my 6 year old daughter a coloring book from the festival, which she proudly showed off at the bus stop the following Monday morning. To all the assembled kids and parents, she announced, "This is a cowgirl! My Daddy likes to ride cowgirls!" My wife quickly corrected, "HORSES! Daddy likes to ride HORSES!"
#67
Once my niece asked if i also had two lungs.
Bill Swallow 1 year ago
... Keeping a spare set at home in case of COVID, are we?
Load More Replies... #68
My SIL is a daycare teacher and when one of her kids started crying hysterically, another kid asked "what is he squabbling about...?".
#69
Sex ed... not to me, but classmate asking a teacher... "where can i buy absences?".
#70
When I’d ask my little nephew to pick up his toys (he was around 4 or 5) it would go something like: “Hey, buddy, do you want to pick up your toys and put them away” “No, thanks!” “….”.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
When we asked our young niece to help with something, she smiled at us patiently and said "Maybe later."
ElfVibratorGlitter 1 year ago
Start singing the "clean up" song. Some kids will just immediately go into an almost zombie clean up mode. (Obviously, some don't).
#71
Got called a "filthy lizard".
Bill Swallow 1 year ago
Here's a leg up on your compendium - 'The Shakespearean Insult Kit'. I'm sure BP will foul up the formatting, so I'll post is as a list and as a .jpg. Here goes - Shakespearean Insult Kit –
Combine one word from each column, prefaced with ‘Thou’:
Column 1Column 2Column 3 1artless. . . . . . .base-court. . . . . . .apple-john 2bawdybat-fowlingbaggage 3beslubbering . .beef-witted. . . . . . .barnacle 4bootlessbeetle-headedbladder 5churlish . . . . . .boil-brained. . . . . . .boar-pig 6cockeredclapper-clawedbugbear 7clouted. . . . . . . clay-brained. . . . . . .bum-bailey 8cravencommon-kissingcanker-blossom 9currish. . . . . . .crook-pated. . . . . . .clack-dish
10dankishdismal-dreamingclotpole
11dissembling . . . dizzy-eyed. . . . . . . codpiece
12droningdog-heartedcoxcomb
13errant. . . . . . .dread-bolted. . . . . . .death-token
14fawningearth-vexingdewberry Shakespear...153468.jpg 
#72
A 9-11 years old dude called me a wolf man. I was young and around 16-14 y.o. And i had a full size beard….
Stardust she/her 1 year ago
14 seems too young for a guy to have anything besides fuzz on his face. Or maybe the only guys I know who are my age are just late bloomers
Kaitlyn Flagler 1 year ago
i knew a guy who had a full beard in 5th grade
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#73
Can I be the kid? When I was ~4, I examined my mom's fingernails and said "hm, yours grow out white but mine grow out black" yes, I was a grubby child.
Pamula Furness 1 year ago
I too was once a member of the 'Black Hand Gang' apparently........,
#74
I was staring at a pillar and the kid was standing in front of me he said “You can try all you want but only I can win this staring contest you don’t know I am”.
#75
“Hey lady, let’s watch Avatar The Way Of Water”, Said an absolute random kid on my way home.
#77
Idk, a pair of kids asked me if I wanted a random rock while I was on a walk the other day. Took me a solid 10 seconds to react, and finally said “yeah, I’d love a rock” it’s just a cute little chunk of brick wall I’m *now obligated to treasure forever, nbd.
#78
A few years ago when my cousin was 3, it was Christmas and we were raising turkeys on the farm to sell and a few to keep for ourselves, he had seen them for the few months before and then the next time he saw one was after it had been plucked and prepared. He had this quizzical look on his face and said "but... Where is his face?".
#79
I said "take me back to 2016!". My brother told me "why do you say it?" I told him that it is a nostalgia move meaning that I miss the time I was 8. He told me "take me back to 2026!".
#80
Me: Nice to meet you. Your name is Dillon right? Younger brother of friend I'm just meeting: are you boy or girl Me: I'm a guy, why? Younger Brother of friend: Your a girl. You have long hair Me: No I'm not Kid: Yes you are Me: Bro I'm not. Might be suprising but I'd actually know. Kid: Why do you have no eyebrows? 8 year olds man.
Luke Marschall 1 year ago
People who have no eyebrows for a style choice is just weird to me, but i guess it depends on the person
veryvenasaur 1 year ago
I'm the opposite sorta I'm assigned female at birth though I identify as non-binary. Anyway I have very short hair like basically a crew cut and the number of little kids who have said "you're a girl where's your hair." Like wrong on both counts kiddo.
#81
I heard my four year old niece let out a quiet little fart. Me: eww? Did you just poot? Niece: No! I farted!
#82
Was when I was also a kid. Probably 12 or 13 years old. We were having a big sleepover at a friend’s house. It was like 3 in the morning, and we came up from the basement to the ground floor to see a big blanket of snow outside. Naturally, were like “dude, let’s go outside and walk on the lake.” One of the guys had a bit of a lisp, and he said incredulously, “you can’t go out there! You’ll break your ankles off!” It was the combination of the ridiculous idea of someone actually breaking their ankles completely off, how sincere he was when he said it, and the lisp that killed us.
#83
Omg and one of the cutest things one of my friend’s kids said to me… he was doing karaoke at my house and I said Kid, you’re a Rockstar! And he responds all emotional like.. “noooo, I’m little” 😭.
#84
I was talking to my 4yr old cousin and i said something along the lines of “oh thats legit” and she said “the word legit scares me it makes me think of monsters” not sure what forged that association in her brain but.
#85
A while back my little sister asked me if I was pregnant, so I said yes. She then proceeded to yell at my stomach, saying “I don’t want you” about twice. before looking up towards me asking “why do u have a baby in your tummy” she didn’t look so happy about it.
cerinamroth 1 year ago
My daughter told me that no one asked her about having another baby and that our son should go back. The weird thing is, about two years before I was even pregnant with him or even considering another child, she told us that she had "played with her little brother before she came to this place and met us"... Still freaks us out!
Delilah Rankin 1 year ago
ruh that ain't funny, that's a fr horror story, yo frickin daughter can see and commune with future beings bruh
Load More Replies... #86
That I look like an egg.
#87
3rd grade kid "is that Michael Jackson?" pointing at me, made me chuckle nonetheless.
#88
My neighbor's daughter, like 6 or 7, has said a couple things that stand out. I gave her and her brother each on of the artificial mini koi ponds that I make and sell, everything in it artificial besides stones and the water is resin, and she immediately says that she is going to feed the little fish batteries. I ask why batteries and she just shrugs her shoulders.
Bill Swallow 1 year ago
Has she seen Red Dwarf? (Thinking Cat, and Lister's robotic goldfish...)
#89
One of my favorites was when my cousin Burke was about 7 years old and his family took a road trip to get to our place for Christmas. This little guy hops out of the minivan, runs at my Dad screaming “nuts up Mr. Brian!” And punched my Dad right in the balls, funniest thing I’ve ever seen.
OnlyMe 1 year ago
Not funny. Kids should be taught that violence is not ok, not at any age. 7 years old, he should definitely know this.
Luke Marschall 1 year ago
Wrong, but still kinda funny, dont take away the humor with your own opinion
Load More Replies... What do you think ?
Erica Wessels 1 year ago
When I was much younger and in my full-on Goth phase, I was getting ready to go out one night, putting on my full Goth make-up (very pale foundation, black eye makeup and lipstick, etc.), and my young niece (probably about 6 years old) was standing with me, watching me get ready. So then she asks me if she can use some of my makeup, because...."I also want to look like a clown!"
Lesbiancats 1 year ago
A kid at my work (daycare) saw me driving, and asked where my ring was, since you apparently have to be married if you want to drive a car
New Everywhere 1 year ago
Oh my (sigh) I hope you taught the kid something that day
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David Bramhall 1 year ago
When my son was about 4yo he went with his Uncle Howard into a public toilet. As they stood side by side at the urinal he looked across and said in a loud voice "Coo, Uncle Howard, haven't you got a small p***s?" And yes, there were several other men quietly waiting their turn.
Just_for_this 1 year ago (edited)
Misheard song lyrics from a 5yo are hilarious. Obviously they don't understand everything they hear at that age, it's amazing the *mind flips they make to contextualise what they hear to make sense of it. Some songs I'll never be able to hear the same way again.
T J R 1 year ago
My daughter was 3 and I asked her to sit on the couch so her legs would be out of the way because I was going to vacuum. Her: You're gonna vac me!? Me: No, I'm going to vacuum. Her: Vac me? Me: VacuUMMM Her: Wjy you gonna vac me!? This went on for 15 minutes before she finally understood that I was going to vacuum, not vac her. :D
Samsquatch & Monko 1 year ago
A month-ish ago- I asked my sister what a quiz she did in school was like. She said quizzical. Then I asked if quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?… she said testicle.
Amy Manzanares 1 year ago
When my daughter was two, we were driving on the freeway and a guy cut me off. I honked and grumbled a bit. A sweet little voice from the back seat says "f******g idiot". I pulled over in the breakdown lane and asked her where she heard that. She replied "Didn't nobody told me that mama." Also two, I told her she was the apple of my eye. She said "Mama, you don't got apples in your eyes." One more. It was October and my two had apparently been learning the pledge of allegiance at daycare. I overheard her reciting it in the bathtub. She finished with "with liberty and witches for all!"
Vix Spiderthrust 1 year ago
A friend of mine got in terrible trouble at Catholic school for beginning the Lord's prayer "Our father, who art in Heaven, how are you by the way?"
Load More Replies... Erica Wessels 1 year ago
When I was much younger and in my full-on Goth phase, I was getting ready to go out one night, putting on my full Goth make-up (very pale foundation, black eye makeup and lipstick, etc.), and my young niece (probably about 6 years old) was standing with me, watching me get ready. So then she asks me if she can use some of my makeup, because...."I also want to look like a clown!"
Lesbiancats 1 year ago
A kid at my work (daycare) saw me driving, and asked where my ring was, since you apparently have to be married if you want to drive a car
New Everywhere 1 year ago
Oh my (sigh) I hope you taught the kid something that day
Load More Replies... David Bramhall 1 year ago
When my son was about 4yo he went with his Uncle Howard into a public toilet. As they stood side by side at the urinal he looked across and said in a loud voice "Coo, Uncle Howard, haven't you got a small p***s?" And yes, there were several other men quietly waiting their turn.
Just_for_this 1 year ago (edited)
Misheard song lyrics from a 5yo are hilarious. Obviously they don't understand everything they hear at that age, it's amazing the *mind flips they make to contextualise what they hear to make sense of it. Some songs I'll never be able to hear the same way again.
T J R 1 year ago
My daughter was 3 and I asked her to sit on the couch so her legs would be out of the way because I was going to vacuum. Her: You're gonna vac me!? Me: No, I'm going to vacuum. Her: Vac me? Me: VacuUMMM Her: Wjy you gonna vac me!? This went on for 15 minutes before she finally understood that I was going to vacuum, not vac her. :D
Samsquatch & Monko 1 year ago
A month-ish ago- I asked my sister what a quiz she did in school was like. She said quizzical. Then I asked if quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?… she said testicle.
Amy Manzanares 1 year ago
When my daughter was two, we were driving on the freeway and a guy cut me off. I honked and grumbled a bit. A sweet little voice from the back seat says "f******g idiot". I pulled over in the breakdown lane and asked her where she heard that. She replied "Didn't nobody told me that mama." Also two, I told her she was the apple of my eye. She said "Mama, you don't got apples in your eyes." One more. It was October and my two had apparently been learning the pledge of allegiance at daycare. I overheard her reciting it in the bathtub. She finished with "with liberty and witches for all!"
Vix Spiderthrust 1 year ago
A friend of mine got in terrible trouble at Catholic school for beginning the Lord's prayer "Our father, who art in Heaven, how are you by the way?"
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