Just when you think that we’ve exhausted all the possible topics for funny jokes, we pull more out of our sleeves. Yup, as we have once promised, we won’t stop delivering cool jokes to you until every possible topic is explored and all the possible laughs have been laughed. So now it is time we present you with our latest and greatest selection of fruit jokes! Yup, those sweet and tart edible things you never thought you’d laugh at.
Yet here we are! And you better believe us when we say that these jokes about fruits are just glorious. Lemons get their share, dragon fruits get their share, and don’t forget about bananas! Oh, and there’s also a sneaky little cameo from tomato since it’s a fruit, after all, and is definitely worthy of being sung about in these funny jokes about fruit. So, basically, you name a fruit, and there’s a hilarious joke about it on our list!
So, ready to check out our selection of fruit puns and jokes? If so, just scroll on down below to where all the goodness lies! Once you are there, be sure to vote for the best jokes on fruits you encounter in this list, and once that’s all well and done - share this article with your friends.
"I was telling my children about the health benefits of eating dried fruits recently. It's really all about raisin awareness."
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"I had my first date last night! Such an underrated fruit."
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An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
An orange a day keeps the plumber away.
Basically, if you throw fruit at people they go away.
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What is Dracula's favourite fruit?
Neck-tarines!
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What did the watermelon say to the cantaloupe?
"You're one in a melon!"
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Why can’t you make a crumble with 3.14 blackberries?
Because that would be a pie!
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How many marmalade sandwiches did Paddington Bear eat?
None, he’s already stuffed!
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What do you call an apple that plays the trumpet?
A tooty fruity!
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What do you call the time in-between eating a load of peaches?
A pit stop!
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"You may think I'm crazy for eating ham and pineapple sandwiches but hey, that's just Hawaii roll!"
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"My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added some fruit and orange juice. Now she’s sangria than ever."
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What did the papa pear tree say to his child pear tree who was too afraid to grow his first fruits?
"Son? Grow a pear."
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A tomato walks up to a bunch of fruits in a line.
He says, "Hey guys I'm a fruit, can I hang out with you?"
One turns to him and replies, "No, this is the punch line."
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Hear about the fire at the dried fruits factory?
It was an apricotastrophe.
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"My family is divided on the question of imported fruits. My mom says no. Papaya."
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What do you call a bunch of strawberries playing instruments together?
A jam session!
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Which fruit always feels sad?
A blue-berry!
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What do you give a sick lemon?
Lemon-Aid!
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What did the lemon say to the lime?
"Sour you doing?!"
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What do you get when you cross apple pie with a Christmas tree?
Pineapple pie!
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Why were the chefs shaving peaches?
Because they needed nectarines for the recipe!
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What do you call a piece of art made by a fruit?
A masterpeach!
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What did the fruit say to his valentine?
"I love you from my head tomato!"
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Why did the tomato go to the ball with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date!
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Husband asked his wife, “Did you know there’s a fruit you can eat that provides your daily requirement of potassium?”
Wife: “That’s bananas.”
Husband: “I know. I couldn’t believe it either.”
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"My wife is on a tropical fruit diet and our fridge is full of strange stuff. It’s enough to make a mango crazy."
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Usain bolt must be a fruit.
Have you seen that mango?
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I heard a cactus fell in love with a fruit tree.
They make a prickly pear.
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"I’m obsessed with sketching pictures of fruit, and I really think I should stop. I have to draw the lime somewhere."
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What do you call it when your friends encourage you to eat more fruit?
Pear pressure.
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What fruit likes to go down slides?
Ki-wheeee!
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What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
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What did the little cob of corn call his father?
Pop Corn!
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Vegans think butchers are gross.
But people who sell vegetables and fruits are grocer.
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What was Prince’s favourite dessert?
Raspberry sorbet!
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What does a lemon say when it wants a hug?
"Give us a squeeze!"
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What kind of monkey doesn’t eat bananas?
An orangutan!
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Why do oranges do so well in school?
They concentrate!
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Why did the apple pie go to the dentist!
Because it needed a filling!
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Why do oranges wear sun cream?
Because their skin peels!
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What did the daddy tomato say when his child was falling behind on their walk?
"Ketchup!"
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"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Figs."
"Figs who?"
"Figs the doorbell, it's broken!"
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Some fruits turn into other fruits.
For example, wait long enough and blueberries will turn into elder berries.
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Why did the apples get a divorce?
They weren’t a very good pear.
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What does Matthew McConaughey say when he’s picking fruit?
"All ripe, all ripe, all ripe."
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What’s a gorilla’s favorite fruit?
Ape-ricots.
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What does a pear tree do before growing its fruit?
It pre-pears.
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The magician says, “And now for my final trick! I will disappear!”
Then he grabs a pear from under the table and says, “You’re the worst fruit ever!”
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"My friend told me, “Did you know trees drop edible stuff that’s not fruit?” I said, “That’s nuts!”"
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What kind of fruit will fix your sink?
A plum-ber.
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What happens when you step on an orange?
You hurt its peelings.
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What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Blood orange!
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What are twins favorite fruits?
Pears.
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What do you call bad fruits and vegetables?
Gross-eries.
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"Driving past a corn field I planted and told my wife how great it feels to see the fruits of my labor. She paused for a few seconds before replying, "Those are vegetables, dummy."
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"I went on a couple of dates last week at the local supermarket. The grocer was outraged, and said I destroyed his fruits."
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"Last night I dreamt I was swimming in an ocean of orange lemonade, it was a Fanta-sea!"
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Why are oranges the fastest fruit?
They never run out of juice!
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"I’ve got a great idea for an orange peeling machine, I hope it bears fruit!"
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Why are grapes always so unhappy?
They’ve got nothing to wine about!
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What is a ghost’s favorite fruit?
Boo-berries.
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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm!
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Why is it so difficult to work at an apple pie factory?
They have such a high turnover rate!
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Why did the worm leave the apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs!
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What do you get when you put an iPhone in a blender?
Apple juice!
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Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?
He just couldn't concentrate!
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What did the fruit say when he was surprised for his birthday?
"Wow... I'm s-peach-less!"
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Where do baby apes go to sleep?
In an apricot!
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Why was the peach late to work?
He had to make a pit stop on the way!
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What do you call a snake made out of pineapple?
Ananas-conda!
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"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Olive."
"Olive who?"
"Olive you. Do you love me too?"
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"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bean."
"Bean who?"
"Bean a while since I've seen you!"
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Two fruit flies are out on a date.
One says to the other: “This date is amazing.”
The other replies: “Yeah, but it’s already half-eaten.”
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Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes…
You need to let that mango.
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Why are bananas such popular fruits?
Because they have a peel.
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"I like to advertise my homemade fruit preserves at clubs. Whenever a song comes on, I’ll hold up a jar and yell, “This is my jam!”"
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What kind of fruit do you give a guy when you want him to leave your home?
Mango.
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Which school subject yields the most fruit?
History — because it is full of dates.
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What happens if you sit on a grape?
It gives a little wine!
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What made the corn stalk mad at the farmer?
He kept pulling its ears!
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Why didn’t the fruit salad get sunburned?
It had plenty of melon in it.
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If an acrobat and a fruit crossed, what would you get?
An apple turnover!
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When do you go at red and stop at green?
When you're eating a watermelon.
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Why do watermelons get upset so easily?
They’re melondramatic!
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What car do fruits use to get around in?
A lemon.
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"Two bullies at school keep putting fruits inside my son's bag. I wish they'd leave him melon."
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How do you fix a broken berry?
With a strawberry patch!
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A lorry full of berries crashed on the motorway.
It’s created a huge jam!
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What’s a scarecrow’s favourite fruit?
Straw-berries!
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What do you call a cat who eats lemons?
A sourpuss!
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Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad!
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Lemons and limes fight all the time.
They are bitter rivals!
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"I went to the shop today to get lemons and limes but they didn’t have any. It was a fruitless trip!"
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Why did the lemon cross the road?
It wanted to play squash!
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Why did the lemon go to the doctor?
It was feeling sour!
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"I went to the doctor because I had a strawberry growing out of my ear. He gave me some cream for it!"
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How did the fruit basket get across the lake?
They took the straw-ferry!
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Why do oranges wear sun cream?
Because their skin peels!
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"A guy kept trying to sell me tropical fruit. I told him "mango!""
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How do you make an apple turnover?
You push it down the hill!
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Did you hear about the fruit that gave people a warm fuzzy feeling?
It was a real peach!
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What did the pitted fruit say when he got in a fight?
You want a peach of me?!
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How do you fix a broken tomato?
Use tomato paste!
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Why did the cantaloupe jump into the swimming pool?
It wanted to be a watermelon!
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"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange."
"Orange who?"
"Orange you going to let me in?"
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Why was the baby strawberry sad?
Because its parents were in a jam.
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What is Romeo and Juliet’s least favorite fruit?
Can’t-elope.
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Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
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What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
A ba-na-na-naaaa.
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"My favorite fruit is the pear. Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left."
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Why was everyone shocked when the fruit fly’s girlfriend agreed to marry him?
Because the pair had only ever been on rotten dates.
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When does an apple become grumpy?
When it’s a crab apple!
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Brown, hairy, and with sunglasses, what are you?
A coconut on vacation.
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How do you make a lemon drop?
Just let it fall.
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Why did the orange go blind?
He didn’t have enough vitamin-see!
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What do you call two banana peels?
A pair of slippers.
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Did you hear about the two fruits who weren't allowed to get married?
Turns out they cantaloupe.
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"Help! I've been canned with preserved fruits! I guess you could say I'm in a jam."
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What's the similarity between an apple and an orange beside that both are fruits?
Both are not a banana.
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Where do baby citrus fruits go to learn?
A lemon tree school.
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"I always get my fruits mixed up, but don't point it out to anyone. I don't like being in the lemonlight."
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Where do baby citrus fruits go to learn?
A lemon tree school!
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Orange is a great fruit.
It’s citrically acclaimed!
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Why did the apple pie cross the road?
It saw a fork up ahead!
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What pie did the scientists use for their experiment?
A peach tree dish!
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"I always like bragging about the very small hatchet I own. I’ve done some research on it and as it turns out, it’s from the 1850’s and was used in some rich guy’s home to chop up citrus fruits for desserts and cakes etc. My wife thinks it’s boring, though. She says, “It’s just an antique lime axe.”"
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"My door-to-door fruit delivery business failed terribly because of my horrible interpersonal skills. I was driving people bananas."
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If Adam and Eve each took two bites out of the apple…
They would have four-bitten fruit.
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When two bananas meet, what do they do?
A banana shake!
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Can you guess what kind of vegetable is the most likely to like rock and roll?
An ear of corn!
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Do you know what happens if you cross fruit and bowling?
A banana split.
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When someone steals a fruit drink, what do you call them?
A smoothie criminal.
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How many cranberries grow on a bush?
All of them.
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What did the grape say to the peanut butter?
"Tis the season to be jelly!"
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What is Darth Vader’s favorite fruit?
Empire apples.
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What tree produces fruit that tastes like chicken?
Poul-tree.
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What is a banana’s favorite gymnastics move?
The splits!
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Did you hear about the piece of fruit that left its wallet at a George Michael concert in Zurich?
It was a careless Swiss pear.
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What’s half fruit, half dog and is rather sad?
A melon Collie.
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Scared of eating genetically modified fruit?
Grow a pear.
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What did the sweet potato tell the pumpkin?
"I yam what I yam."
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In the fruit salad world, what is called a messy salad?
A “fig-sty”!
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During World War II, which fruit was most commonly used?
The pineapple grenade.
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What made the plum put sugar under its pillow?
So it could have sweet dreams.
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Green and square, what is it?
A lemon in disguise.
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What did one raspberry say to the other on Valentine's Day?
"I love you berry much."
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Why aren't bananas ever lonely?
Because they come in bunches!
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What did a mum say when she drank her son's strawberry shake?
"That was berry nice."
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