There’s nothing like engineers. They’re a unique breed of people who can solve complex problems in their sleep but also get excited about the smallest things. They see the world through an analytical lens that most people don’t have, which makes them great problem solvers. I mean, that’s the whole point of being an engineer!
Engineers have been humanity’s backbone since the dawn of time. They created bridges, roads, buildings, dams, rockets, and basically anything we see around us that is not a gift from Mother Nature. They see solving problems as a necessity and use creativity to project a solution from scratch. And don’t let me get started about what happens when you combine a bunch of engineers! I have tons of friends who all graduated from the same engineering university. Their conversations are one of a kind, even if they admit that sometimes they also don’t know what they’re supposed to do either.
Engineering is, no doubt, one of the most critical jobs in the world, but it can be pretty dull or indecipherable for the rest of us! How about we spice it up a little bit with some humor and puns? We selected the best engineering jokes for your fun and pleasure!
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Three engineers were riding in a car, went down a hill, and crashed. The mechanical engineer said, "It must be the brakes. Let me check 'em out." The electrical engineer said, "I think it was something in the electrical system. Let me check it out." The software engineer said, "Let's push it back up the hill and run it again."
"A programmer’s wife asks him, 'Would you go to the shop and pick up a loaf of bread? And if they have eggs, get a dozen.' The programmer goes to the store and returns home with 12 loaves of bread. 'They had eggs,' he explained."
Engineers like to solve problems but... If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
The optimist says: “The glass is half full.” The pessimist says: “The glass is half empty.” The engineer says: “The glass is twice as big as it needs to be.”
An engineer, a physicist and a statistician are attempting to hit a target 400 feet away with a cannon. They physicist says, "This is easy!". He does the calculations and fires but falls 100 feet short. The engineer tells him he forgot to factor in imperfections and error. He calculates, and overshoots by 100 feet. The statistician then declares, "We hit it!"
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None. That’s a hardware issue.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
Three engineering students were gathered together to discuss the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
How do you get an engineer to do something you want them to do? Tell them it’s “impossible.”
Engineer No. 1: “I bet you can’t name two structures that can hold water.” Engineer No. 2: “Well, dam.”
"When I wrote this code, only me and God knew how it works. Now only God knows..."
An old engineer retires. A year or so later, the firm calls him up. They are having a technical issue with a machine he designed. No one else in the company can figure out what's wrong and they want him to help. He aggrees and comes in. He walks up to the machine, opens a panel, and stares into the workings. After a while, he pulls a piece of chalk out of his pocket and scribes an "X" on one particular component. He says, "There's your problem." and leaves. Sure enough, the firm replaces that part and everything is working fine. A few days later, the firm receives a bill from the retired engineer for $100,000. They call him, asking why the bill is so outrageous. He replies, itemizing the bill, "It's $1 for chalk and $99,999 for knowing where to put it."
Most variations of this I've heard are with a screw. Ask him to itemize his bill. 10 cents for the screw, the rest of the very large bill is knowing which screw needed replacing.
There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
What is the definition of an engineer? Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
How do you drive an engineer insane? Make them watch as you fold up a road map the wrong way.
You know I hate engineer students sometimes. For example, I hate it when engineer students call themselves engineers like you don’t hear med students calling themselves doctors or art students calling themselves unemployed.
Conventional wisdom: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Mechanical Engineer: If it ain’t broke, consider adding more features.
The engineer installed a motor too powerful in the moving stairway. It escalated very quickly.
What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons; civil engineers build targets.
You might be an engineer if... If you've used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
What do you mean, the duct tape I used for shutting those kids in my basement up doesn't count?
Proof: Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time. And since Knowledge = Power and Time = Money, it is therefore true that Knowledge = Work / Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge. Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
What’s the difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer? An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when he’s talking to you. An extroverted engineer looks at your shoes when he’s talking to you.
Nah. An extroverted engineer will explain the science, design, math, etc for everyday objects to everyone in every situation: date, family gathering, funeral, happy hour, theater. Soon you feel like you're looking at the world through Iron Man's mask with Jarvis explaining everything.
Me: “You’re an engineer, why are you so dumb about technology?” Spouse: “I just design it, I don’t use it.”
An engineer is a person who measures with a micrometer, marks it with a crayon, and cuts it with an ax.
You might be an engineer if… You destroy things just to see how they work.
As a kid I took apart my father's typewriter. When I put it back together it didn't work right. I got in trouble for that, but it was worth it!
An engineer walks into a pub and demands, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”
The bartender hands out another beer but is visibly concerned as the engineer seems in some sort of pain.
As the engineer finished his 6th beer the bartender asks, “When are you going to start paying for these beers?”
The engineer exclaims, “Now the problems start!”
Wind turbine 1: "What kind of music do you like?" Wind turbine 2: "I'm a big metal fan"
A graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
A graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
A graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
A graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Would you like fries with that?"
The programmer got stuck in the shower because the instructions on the shampoo bottle said: Lather, rinse, repeat.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
I can’t believe they gave that engineer who wrecked the train in New York the electric chair. And he survived it! I guess he just wasn’t a very good conductor.
I am down voting this joke because it's an engineering joke not an engineering joke
So an electrical engineer built a house entirely out of resistors. The welcome mat said Ohm Sweet Ohm.
Two engineering students bumped into each other at school and one noticed the other’s new bike. He asked, “Where did you get such a wonderful bike?” The other student replied that a blonde rode up to him, threw her bike on the ground, took off all her clothes, threw them on the ground and said, “Take whatever you’d like to have.” The first student says, “Good call, I’ll bet her clothes wouldn’t have fit either of us.”
Overheard in a bar: “I wonder if the person who invented the drawing board got it right first time.”
How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? "That hertz."
My calculator stopped working mid-way through my engineering exam. I can’t count on it anymore.
You might be an engineer if... You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
I know the first 100 digits of Pi! [Asapscience's song taught me]
Before studying engineering, if someone asked me what 1+1 is, I would have said 2. Now, I'd say I'm pretty sure it's 2, but we'd better make it 3 just to be safe.
I can live with 2 as long as i dont do a while loop (I write weird while loops in c++)
What's the difference between a doctor and an engineer? A doctor kills people one at a time.
The way I heard it was, "Doctors bury their mistakes, engineers have to fix theirs."
I was having problems with the printer at work last week and I had to ring the engineer. I told him that I kept putting paper into the printer but the display kept saying it just can’t get enough… The engineer said "Ah yes…. it’s stuck in Depeche Mode"
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks “may I join you?”
Two atoms walk into a bar. Says one to the other, "hang on, I think I've lost an electron!" Says the other, "are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive!"
Managed to get some engineering calculations wrong by using the wrong pencil. It wasn’t 2B.
What did the sound engineer say on his last day of work? Audios.
An old country gentleman sent his son off to engineering school. Four years later, upon his son’s return, he asked him what he had learned at college. The son replied, “Pi r square.” The dad exclaimed, “You didn’t learn nothin’, boy! Pie are round; bread’s square.”
You might be an engineer if... Your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner.
Because I almost always answer an email within 5 minutes, but I will not hear words over my coding music lol
Old software engineers never die... They just reboot.
How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer? Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".
If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.
What do you call a mechanical shovel?
Ground-breaking technology!
These jokes are making me laugh. I can't understand it 100%. I just think they are funny. Maybe because I'm a nerd 🤓.
One of these things is not the other two. A frozen pizza, a bachelor's degree in engineering, and a doctorate in conceptual mathematics. A frozen pizza and an engineer can both feed a family of 4.
When does a person decide to become an engineer? When they realize they don't have the charisma to be an undertaker.
New engineer: “How do you estimate how long a project will take?” Seasoned engineer: “I add up the time required for each task, then multiply the sum by Pi.” New engineer: “Why Pi?” Seasoned engineer: “It ensures that all my budgets are irrational.”
How is molasses separated from cane sugar? By spinning cane syrup in a giant centrifuge — it’s a viscous cycle.
I have a Russian friend who’s a sound engineer. And a Czech one too, and a Czech one too.
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed-in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
Unless they're machine screws then you should be getting ready to bolt
Did you hear about the company that sells elastomeric insulators? Their motto is “resistance is butyl.”
Why do computer engineers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up? Because 31OCT = 25DEC.
Did you hear about the person who invented the escalator? They were mechanically inclined.
You might be an engineer if... If you can't remember where you parked your car for the third time this week.
Also true. Especially in the Walmart parking lot.(with friends)
What's the difference between a civil engineer and a mechanical engineer?
The civil engineer believes the sum of all forces must equal zero, the mechanical engineer knows better.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What's the difference between a chemist and a chemical engineer? Oh, about $10 K a year.
Two mixing chambers are working in a factory, one says to the other "You are so efficient! How do you do it?" The other mixer turns to him and says "I don't know, I'm baffled."
What are you if you aren't a part of the solution? You are then the part of a precipitate.
What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
You can't cross a vector with a scalar.
Anyone can build a bridge. It takes an engineer to just barely build a bridge.
The Sydney Harbour Bridge. If it had been built properly, it would have fallen down long ago.
What do you call a rude civil engineer? An uncivil engineer.
Why did the engineer cross the road? Because they looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
You may have heard of Sin City, but have you heard about Den City? It’s mass over volume.
What song lyric do electrical engineers always get stuck in their heads? “Watt is love? Baby, don’t hertz me.”
An engineer goes to the NRC and says, "I want to build a heavy-water-moderated natural enrichment nuclear reactor." The NRC says "Sorry; no CANDU."
Designed and built in Canada. The heavy water moderator is D for deuterium, and the Uranium is U.
Why did the engineer create a robot fish? He wanted more e-fish in sea.
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday? Shorts.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives... Within the next year, I want to publish my first book on tape.
My mechanic tells me my engine keeps stalling because of excess friction. Now I know I’m getting some wear.
After suffering weak gains at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize its base.
Why did the Higgs Boson go to church? For the mass.
What would happen if eight hobbits got together? They would know that they are turning into a hobbyte.
What's interesting about engineering Toilet Paper. It's an a-ply-ed science.
What’s an engineer’s favorite nursery rhyme? “Rho, rho, rho your boat, gently down the radius of curvature…”
Professor: “How much pressure is on you guys these last two weeks before break?” Guy: “24,000 Pascals.”
Heard about an engineer who built an aircraft made of bubbly chocolate. Think it was an aeroplane.
You might be an engineer if… You window shop at Radio Shack.
I have some crockery that has photos of software engineers drinking gin. They’re tech-tonic plates.
What kind of graphs do engineers make after Thanksgiving dinner? Pie charts.
What is a computer programmer's least favorite animated movie? They absolutely despise "A Bug's Life"!
Every time a freshman switches out of engineering, a cannon should go off like in the Hunger Games.
What’s the difference between a chemical engineer and a chemist? A chemical engineer does for profit what a chemist does for fun.
What's the integral of 1/cabin with respect to the cabin? Most people will say "LOG CABIN!" No, it's a boathouse. log cabin PLUS C (sea)!
You might be an engineer if... You introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife."
Why do they assume that the engineer is a male. I mean I'm a female. And I'm not only talking about this one.
“I’m not interrupting you, I’m putting our conversation in full-duplex mode.” – Antone Roundy
I miss the old days of the railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Has the biomedical imaging engineer done anything useful lately? No, they've mostly been working on pet projects.
How many consulting engineers do you need to replace a light bulb? One, but you will be charged $50.
The real meaning of study according to engineers: S = Sitting T = Talking U = Unlimited D = Dreaming Y = Yawning
A girl asked her boyfriend, an engineer, “Don’t you want to see where I was operated upon for appendicitis?” The engineer replied, “Oh, I would hate to see a hospital.”
Why did the C++ programmer do so well at his new job as a packaging and design engineer? Because he was very good at orienting objects.
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all tasked with determining the properties of a red rubber ball. The mathematician derives a formula based on the size of the ball and the material that the ball is made of and the answers that his solution yields are the different properties of the ball. The physicist performs a series of tests on the red rubber ball and uses the results from his experiments to determine its properties. The engineer whips out his book of "red rubber balls" and writes down what he finds.
What did the force say to the distance? We’re having a moment!
People who say the best things in life are free... Have obviously never drawn free body diagrams.
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
A princess wants to choose her future husband. Her engineers create a maze full of deadly traps. After the struggle, four princes survive. The first three have both their hands cut off. The fourth one still has one hand left. Which one will she choose? She will choose the fourth prince: he’s the most handsome.
My wife works with mechanical engineers. It’s like working with a well-oiled machine.
Polish Airlines flight PA142 was flying past some beautiful scenery. The pilot came over the intercom and instructed all who were interested in seeing the gorgeous view to look out the right side of the plane. Many passengers did so, and the plane promptly crashed. Why? Too many Poles in the right-half of the plane.
I was on a plane - long time ago - and the pilot was giving commentary on the flight. At one point we were over a famous landmark mark and he said in a monotone voice "so if everybody would like to look out of a window on the right now - (pause while some on the left started getting out of seats) the plane will topple over” I miss those days of travel
An indeterminate beam walks into a bar. "What can I get ya?" asks the bartender. "Just give me a moment," replies the beam.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
Where in the world can you find the highest concentration of engineers? Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
I used to skip the first episode of every series because I have no interest in aerospace engineering.
How many engineers does it take to assemble a futon? Three… and a psychologist!
Why did the engineer cross the road? Because he looked up what to do in a table and that's what they did last year.
Girls in engineering are like parking spots. They're all either taken, handicap, or far out there.
I am both proud and embarrassed to understand all of these (I am still in HS)
I loved this! I may have commented a lot but at least I was enjoying myself!
Abt Nerdic: North Germanic people (Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Norway) are called Norse men = nordic, as they lived in the northermost part of germanic lands. It is a play on this or more a portmanteau of Nordic & Nerd = Nerdic
Load More Replies... I am both proud and embarrassed to understand all of these (I am still in HS)
I loved this! I may have commented a lot but at least I was enjoying myself!
Abt Nerdic: North Germanic people (Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Norway) are called Norse men = nordic, as they lived in the northermost part of germanic lands. It is a play on this or more a portmanteau of Nordic & Nerd = Nerdic
Load More Replies... 