I think that we can all agree that dogs are the superior pets (don't tell that to our cat overlords, though!). Besides being the cuddliest, most loving animals ever, they also brighten our days with their kooky antics and give us artistic inspiration with their snotty-nose-drawn pieces on house and car windows. Dog-cassos, if you will. Because of these unmistakable dog-ish traits - like cuteness, bizarre tail chases, and unfathomable smarts - pups are also a great material for jokes. So, this is our article dedicated solely to dog jokes, and one thing we can promise - it will brighten up your day tremendously!
In this article, among the plethora of hilarious animal jokes, you might expect to find: corny puns, only the best one-liners, silly wordplays, and cute jokes. So, we're drawing to a conclusion here - the dog jokes are as diverse as the pups themselves, and without any doubt, only the goodest! How else would we talk about man's best friend if not in the words that are of the greatest quality and the most magical entertainment value? After all, dogs do deserve everything that's best, even when talking about silly jokes.
You know exactly what to do here - scroll just a bit further down to reveal our collection of these cute jokes. Some of them will leave you howling with laughter; others might even get added to your own personal collection of the best jokes that you've ever seen. Don't forget to vote for those! Finally, after all that is well and done, share this article with anyone in need of comedic relief!
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What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
"My dog was my soul mate; we both took naps, we both skipped lunch, we both hated the vacuum..."
What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
Why are Dalmatians not considered good at playing hide and seek?
Because they are always spotted.
Our dog brings us the newspaper every day… Funny thing is, we’ve never subscribed to any.
"We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet."
What breed of dog can jump higher than a building?
All breeds can, since buildings can’t jump.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
You can call it what you want-when a large dog meditates, there won't be a reaction..
A dog goes into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender says, "You don't see a dog in here drinking a martini very often." The dog says, "At these prices, I'm not surprised."
When my friend’s dog died, I bought an identical one to try to cheer them up... But it just made them more upset. Do you know what my friend said when I gave the dog to them?
“What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?!”
"A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here’s how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you."
When a dog has a fever, what should you feed him?
Mustard — it’s the best thing for hot dogs.
Two dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter. “My dog is so smart,” says the first owner, “that every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed.” “I know,” says the second owner. “How do you know?” the first demands. “My dog told me.”
A Dachshund walks into a telegraph office, picks up a blank form, and writes: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk looks over the paper for a minute before telling the dog, "You know, there are only nine words here. You could add another 'Woof' for the same price."
The Dachshund shakes his head at the clerk in disbelief. "But that would make no sense at all."
When you cross a dog with a cougar, what do you get?
A lot of trouble with a postman.
What's the worst part about it raining cats and dogs?
You have to look out for the poodles.
"I tell ya, my dog is lazy. He don't chase cars. He sits on the curb and takes down license plate numbers."
What do you call a cold dog?
A Chilli Dog.
"My niece was dragged into court by a neighbor who complained about her barking dogs. At one point, the judge asked the neighbor a question. The neighbor didn’t reply. “Sir, are you going to answer me?” The neighbor leaped to his feet. “Are you talking to me?” he asked. “Sorry; I can’t hear a darn thing.” The case was dismissed."
"I’m a dog trainer. Before I met with a new client, I had her fill out a questionnaire. One question asked, “Why did you choose this breed?” My client responded, “I often ask myself this very same question.”
"I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in a file named "Fireworks and vacuums" so my dog won’t find them."
As the stranger enters a country store, he spots a sign: "Danger! Beware of Dog!" Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep in the middle of the floor.
"Is that the dog we're supposed to beware of?" he asks the owner.
"That's him," comes the reply.
"He doesn't look dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?"
"Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
How do you know if you have a slow dog?
It chases parked cars.
After accidentally swallowing Buzz Lightyear, what did the dog say to Woody?
"You got a friend in me."
What would you call a dog named Minton who ate two shuttlecocks?
Bad Minton.
Did you hear about the dog who couldn't stop talking like a horse?
It was a dog and pony show.
A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board. “Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over. The customer was flummoxed: “I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”
“We’re eating dinner soon. Don’t fill up on homework.” — Dog mom
After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”
“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.
“I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”
I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane’s dog and she was like, “I’ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?”
The dogs next door get a little noisy, so one day somebody called animal control to complain. When the officers arrived, I heard my neighbor tell them, "Hey, dogs bark. It's human nature."
Why did the officer issue a ticket to the dog who gave birth on the side of the road?
Because she was littering.
What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog?
Dingo Starr.
What do dogs do when they need to take a bathroom break during a movie?
They press the paws button.
When you cross a Rottweiler with a hyena, what do you get?
I’m not sure, but if it begins laughing, I’m going to join in.
When you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster, what do you get?
A cockerpoodledoo!
How can you get a dog in the back seat to quit barking while you’re driving?
Invite him to sit up front and bark there instead.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a lion?
You’re not going to get any mail, that’s for sure.
What do you call a dog that doesn’t have any legs?
It doesn’t matter! It still won’t come when you call its name.
Whenever I take my dog to the park, the ducks always try to bite him.
I guess it makes sense, since he’s pure bread.
What would happen if someone crossed a dog with a film studio?
You would find yourself in collie-wood.
What term do you use to refer to a dog that researches old trees?
Well, you can call him a barkologist.
What's a dog's favorite fashion magazine?
Vanity Fur.
What did the dog say when he went to the dog park for the second time?
"This place looks fur-miliar."
What did the small dog who was madly in love say to his beloved?
"You are the corg-key of my heart."
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
“Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked.
“It sure is,” I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then toward the back of the van. Finally he said, “What'd he do?”
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Ty.
Ty who?
Ty up the dog before he starts chasing away the squirrels again.
