Feeling like you have to manage EVERYTHING. Male partner getting angry or anxious? You better calm him down. Getting low on milk? You need to remember to stop at the store on your way home from work. Kids have an event coming up? You have to make sure they have the right clothes, props, etc and also make sure the grandparents know when and where. A relative is sick or having a birthday? Make sure you send a card, even if it’s on your husband’s side of the family. Pee stains on the toilet rim? They’re apparently invisible or unimportant to your partner, so grab the Lysol. Dog needs shots? Kids need shots? Your job, and your job. Don’t get me started on “What’s for dinner?”

My husband actually does a lot around the house, but it’s always the one-and-done stuff, like fixing a door, or the chores he views as a hobby, like lawn care. Now that we’re both retired and I’m no longer in survival mode, I’ve started explaining to him that he’s not actually doing half the work, and we’re figuring out how to make it more fair. I wish we would’ve done this earlier, but honestly when you’re in the middle of it, it seems easier to just do it yourself than to take on the additional management project of fairly allocating the work.