Slarty Bartfast
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1 posts
165 comments
714 upvotes
40 points
This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself.
Slarty Bartfast • upvoted an item 5 days ago
Slarty Bartfast • upvoted 2 items 1 week ago
Slarty Bartfast • upvoted 7 items 1 month ago
Sensible Sam And Kevin
Long time lurker, first time poster, throwaway account, on mobile, no one cares. This is about a Kevin in my program at college. She was actually a pretty mediocre kid, mostly, for the first few years. She scraped by in classes, had a few friends, and more than a few moments of pure, unadulterated Kevin-ness. Several highlights include jumping off a two story roof "to see what would happen," a complete inability to comprehend the difference between ice cream and gelato despite many attempts to explain it to her, and drinking an unspecified amount of espresso and spent the better part of an hour literally running in circles around the architecture building to burn off the energy. At one point, a boy about a year ahead of Kevin in the program took an interest her. Let's call him Sensible Sam (SS). SS and Kevin set up a date at a nice place just off campus. Kevin got understandably nervous before the date. Kevin's panic response was to drink an entire large milkshake immediately prior to meeting SS. Kevin is lactose intolerant. Kevin threw up. For some godforsaken reason, SS kept dating her. They actually fell head over heels for each other, and stayed together for years, despite the fact that Kevin: Suggested a lovely little downtown place for dinner. Got horribly lost and could find neither the restaurant nor the way back to campus. Has lived in this town for years. Accidentally claimed to be single just after her and SS's one year anniversary. Decided the minor side effects of her morning ADHD meds were not worth dealing with all day, so she started taking them at night. Her ADHD meds are effective for about six hours after being taken. She was almost entirely useless until she went to refill her prescription and her doctor told her what an idiot she is. Asked SS how to spell his last name. His last name is four letters. They had been dating for months at this point. Found a way onto the roof of the art building. Was not immune to getting in trouble after putting pictures on her Snapchat story instead of a group chat. Forgot her shoes on the "walk of shame." Twice. Tried to take SS to meet her parents. Somehow drove to the wrong state. Signed up for a class. Forgot about it for the entire semester. Failed because she never showed up. SS proposed a week ago. Still don't know why he deals with my dumb a*s. I got lucky, y'all.Show All 7 Upvotes
Slarty Bartfast • commented on 6 posts 2 months ago
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Slarty Bartfast • upvoted 19 items 2 months ago
CriticalElk6102 reply
Wet wipes. Not being able to pull one out and when you finally get hold of one, four come out.packerr reply
Music volume in movies being much louder than the dialog.BWPV1105:
And commercials blaring louder than the feature show.
dumbest-beauty-standards
Getting filler in your knees so they don’t look like they have faces in them… it’s a race to the bottom when it comes to cosmetic proceduresThecatisright reply
Leblouh - involves a girl of five, seven or nine being obliged to eat excessively to achieve female roundness and corpulence, so that she can be married off as young as possible. Girls from rural families are taken for leblouh at special "fattening farms" where older women, or the children's aunts or grandmothers, will administer pounded millet, camel's milk and water in quantities that make them ill.Show All 19 Upvotes
Slarty Bartfast • upvoted 2 items 3 months ago
Slarty Bartfast • commented on 3 posts 3 months ago
Show All 3 Comments
Slarty Bartfast • submitted a new post 11 months ago
Slarty Bartfast • submitted a list addition 11 months ago
Slarty Bartfast • commented on 6 posts 2 months ago
Slarty Bartfast • commented on 12 posts 3 months ago
Slarty Bartfast • commented on 2 posts 4 months ago
Slarty Bartfast • upvoted 3 items 8 hours ago
Slarty Bartfast • upvoted an item 4 weeks ago
Slarty Bartfast • upvoted 9 items 1 month ago
Sensible Sam And Kevin
Long time lurker, first time poster, throwaway account, on mobile, no one cares. This is about a Kevin in my program at college. She was actually a pretty mediocre kid, mostly, for the first few years. She scraped by in classes, had a few friends, and more than a few moments of pure, unadulterated Kevin-ness. Several highlights include jumping off a two story roof "to see what would happen," a complete inability to comprehend the difference between ice cream and gelato despite many attempts to explain it to her, and drinking an unspecified amount of espresso and spent the better part of an hour literally running in circles around the architecture building to burn off the energy. At one point, a boy about a year ahead of Kevin in the program took an interest her. Let's call him Sensible Sam (SS). SS and Kevin set up a date at a nice place just off campus. Kevin got understandably nervous before the date. Kevin's panic response was to drink an entire large milkshake immediately prior to meeting SS. Kevin is lactose intolerant. Kevin threw up. For some godforsaken reason, SS kept dating her. They actually fell head over heels for each other, and stayed together for years, despite the fact that Kevin: Suggested a lovely little downtown place for dinner. Got horribly lost and could find neither the restaurant nor the way back to campus. Has lived in this town for years. Accidentally claimed to be single just after her and SS's one year anniversary. Decided the minor side effects of her morning ADHD meds were not worth dealing with all day, so she started taking them at night. Her ADHD meds are effective for about six hours after being taken. She was almost entirely useless until she went to refill her prescription and her doctor told her what an idiot she is. Asked SS how to spell his last name. His last name is four letters. They had been dating for months at this point. Found a way onto the roof of the art building. Was not immune to getting in trouble after putting pictures on her Snapchat story instead of a group chat. Forgot her shoes on the "walk of shame." Twice. Tried to take SS to meet her parents. Somehow drove to the wrong state. Signed up for a class. Forgot about it for the entire semester. Failed because she never showed up. SS proposed a week ago. Still don't know why he deals with my dumb a*s. I got lucky, y'all. Slarty Bartfast • upvoted 7 items 2 months ago
dumbest-beauty-standards
Getting filler in your knees so they don’t look like they have faces in them… it’s a race to the bottom when it comes to cosmetic proceduresThecatisright reply
Leblouh - involves a girl of five, seven or nine being obliged to eat excessively to achieve female roundness and corpulence, so that she can be married off as young as possible. Girls from rural families are taken for leblouh at special "fattening farms" where older women, or the children's aunts or grandmothers, will administer pounded millet, camel's milk and water in quantities that make them ill.This Panda hasn't followed anyone yet
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