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35 Of The Deepest Secrets People Refuse To Reveal To Their Parents: “Would Be Devastating To My Mom”
Everyone keeps secrets, sure, but they’re not all equal. Some are big. Some are small. Most are embarrassing. And some… well, they’re so sensitive that they have the potential to completely upend your loved ones’ lives. So, in order to protect them, you either lie or stay quiet.
Today, we’re featuring some of the biggest secrets that folks refuse to tell their parents, but decided to share anonymously in an online thread. You’ll find their brutally honest stories below.
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#1
That I was SAd multiple times by a priest. One they knew and loved.
I was 12 and I knew I couldn't tell anyone. Not my friends, not my parents, no one.
It took almost 50 years for me to admit it to anyone and that was my wife. I was petrified to tell her, I honestly thought she would leave (thanks catholic upbringing) but she's my rock and my best friend, and she helped me immensely.
Both my parents are long gone now, and I'm glad I didn't have to burden them with this.
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#2
They think their cell phone bill is $12/month. It’s a family plan I’ve been paying for 15 yrs. I lied to get them to get cell phones.
#3
That I've left Islam and I'm a secret atheist now.
Everyone lies. Everyone keeps secrets. At least to a certain extent. But there is a massive difference between secrecy on the one hand and privacy on the other.
Specifically, secrecy has elements of dishonesty and intentional misleading in it, violates other people’s trust, and can be hurtful or disruptive.
Meanwhile, privacy is the opposite, and everyone has a right to it. “In any relationship, you have the right to keep a part of your life secret, no matter how trivial or how important, for the sole reason that you want to,” Verywell Mind explains. This applies to all of your relationships, including romantic, familial, platonic, and others.
#4
Almost ran away from home with someone I met online at 13. Didn't realize that that "someone" was going to take me to child trafficking ring. Till this day I thanked my 13-year-old self for being "too lazy" to run away.
#5
That I found out I have a biological father that isn't my dad who raised me. I got a FB message when I was 25 from a man saying he is my real dad. My mom passed when I was 14. I look exactly like this man. I even go out to Pennsylvania to meet him (I live in midwest). I end up staying an entire year. We keep in touch. My dad, who is my dad because he raised me, does not know.
Billo66 11 hours ago (edited)
I've never met my bio father but he tracked me down when I was around 40. He lives in Alaska and invited to fly me up for fathers day. All resentment aside I'm not flying to Alaska to meet up with a stranger. I could go on all day but bottom line, I told him to fuck off. I have a Dad.
#6
That I'm harboring a lot of unspoken resentment and anger about the way they treated and raised me when I was a child. I understand that they were 'young' and unprepared, but whenever I bring up a past traumatic events they pretend like it never happened or it didn't happen 'that way.' As a result I rarely share anything that's really going on in my life with them, so even though I know them pretty well, they know very little about me.
Carrie Laughs 19 hours ago
Oh, that's my mother! Nope, I didn't do that, your father didn't mean that... Sometimes I feel sorry for my mother as she had a hard time with my father. However, there are other times when I feel resentment and anger for her letting him treat me badly, instead of her.
In the meantime, Psychology Today notes that, based on research by psychologists Michael Slepian and Alex Koch, 3 dimensions can be used to describe secrets: immorality, connectedness, and insight.
For instance, some secrets can have a component of immorality associated with them, and so, you’re reluctant to share them. Others are related to people’s intimate relationships and are very delicate. Still others are directly linked to sensitive, confidential information that can’t be shared. Naturally, secrets can be linked to all 3 of these dimensions.
In theory, understanding why you’re keeping a secret could help alleviate some of the distress you feel and prevent you from ruminating on it. Specifically, you should think about whether your secret harms someone, or protects someone, and whether you have a good understanding of the secret.
#7
I was bullied in middle school and high school. I didn't wear pants and long sleeve shirts because they felt comfortable. I wore them to hide the bruises.
#8
I never told my parents I bought a motorcycle. My grandfather witnessed a horrific crash between a bike and truck as a police officer and never let my dad go near them, who then passed this fear onto me.
When I went to visit them I would always drive or have my girlfriend drive so I could stash my riding gear in her car while I parked the bike down the street.
Successfully kept the secret for a year until my dad casually asked over dinner, "So when are you going to sell your motorbike?"
"What motorbike?"
#9
Winter break. I once convinced my mom that the tattoo she accidently saw was a henna tattoo from which she proceeded to forget about it since I went back to college. Eight years later, she finally saw it again when fitting me for my wedding this year.
We understand that this is a very sensitive topic, but if you’d like to share your thoughts and experiences, you can do so in the comments at the bottom of this post.
Do you have any secrets that you still haven’t shared even with your closest, most trusted loved ones? How do you distinguish the line between secrecy and privacy? Let us know.
#11
That I never want to have kids. Being an only child and all, I feel that admitting I have no interest in continuing my bloodline would be devastating to my mom.
#12
I’m gay.
[deleted]:
How do you think they'd react if they knew?
anon:
probably send me to live with other family members :/
#13
I had a quickie Justice of the Peace marriage with my husband 2 years before we had our "real" wedding + reception.
He lost his job and needed insurance... I still wanted to have a proper wedding, and worried people would skimp out on the gifts if the party was 2 years after our actual wedding.
Otto Katz 21 hours ago
I completely understand. I was a JP. I married one couple in their living room, only 3 people there. He was dying of cancer, they wanted to make sure she inherited his estate, his family was really shiťty. Two months later they 'got married' in front of family and friends at a local restaurant. I broke the glass wrapped in a napkin, said Hebrew prayers, his family was shooting daggers at me. Little did they know the couple was already married for 2 months. I think of them often, I hope they are still married.
#14
When I was in high school I was mostly a really good kid. I volunteered with people with developmental disabilities, was a lector at church, worked hard at school... all the classic stuff.
But... I used to have friends over and drink their liquor. We would often water it down when we were done, to “be safe.” I always assumed they knew and they were looking the other way.
Fast forward 16 years, I’m 32, at my parents house, and my mom wants a cocktail. I laughed out loud and asked my mom if realized I used to water it down. She was shocked and initially pretty angry mostly because they had served some of it to their friends!!! I was shocked because I always assumed they were pretending not to know.
Long story short I got away with it, but kids- don’t expect you’ll be as lucky as I was!
Zig Zag Wanderer 18 hours ago
My mate actually convinced his mother that the spirits in the bottle would evaporate over time 😁
#15
My husband is a felon.
#16
I've thought a lot about just leaving a note and not living with them anymore. I'm not going to do that, but I feel very suffocated. I'm scared that my life is slipping away as I'm too busy being their puppet and meal ticket. I really regret not leaving before we became financially tied together. it just seems like there is much more holding me back than there was when I was 18.
#17
That I’m trans and deal with significant mental health issues.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 21 hours ago
If parents cannot accept that their child is trans they need to take a long hard look at themselves. Love and support your children for who they are not for what you think they should be.
#18
That I met and know my biological parents. I was adopted. It would [destroy] them if they found out.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 21 hours ago
As an adopted child, this one seems like an odd secret to keep. Obviously your adoptive parents KNOW you're adopted; they're the ones who adopted you! Obviously, if one's biological parents were unfit, or ábusíve, or there's other obvious reasons why your adoptive parents might not wish for you to ever be in contact with your biological parents, it makes more sense, but if they were just people who had to put you up for adoption for a more regular, mundane reason (poverty, youth, etc.) I don't see why adoptive parents would be "destroyed" by their adopted child meeting their bio parents. Meeting your biological family doesn't stop your adoptive parents from being your ACTUAL parents.
#19
My onlyfans.
Zig Zag Wanderer 18 hours ago
Hah! My daughter let slip about her account. I was a bit shocked. Obviously that upset her. My attitude has been adjusted by her and her brother. I'm not so down on it now. I wish she didn't, but don't mention it because it's her own choice, and there's no particular risk involved.
#20
My husband left me 8 months ago; I still haven’t told them yet.
#22
I’m gay, in a relationship with my girlfriend and my mental health hasn’t gotten better. Feels weird to get that off my chest.
Discovered I wasn’t straight in some time in middle school, and we’ve been dating since October and I’ve been in and out of therapy for different reasons, and I quit therapy in winter but I haven’t gotten better at all.
Lady Eowyn 21 hours ago
Go back to therapy. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right therapist.
#24
I'm a Democrat.
Zig Zag Wanderer 18 hours ago
The horror! (I'm still confused as to why Americans identify themselves by their political views. Nowhere else seems to do this.)
#25
That I’ve never been theist, even as a small child.
Michael Largey 4 hours ago
Same here. I was told that there was a god, but the same people who told me that also told me there was a Santa Claus and an Easter Bunny. I noticed that believing in a god made some people say and do some very questionable things. And that the sensible things believers did required no god for justification.
#26
I very much considered my grandmother my momma instead of my actual mother who i honestly don't even like 99% of the time.
Fraxinus excelsior 6 hours ago
Same here, I was grandparent raised as my mom worked. I don't like my mom much,she nearly disowned me for starting a new relationship with a woman, she's now my wife. It was my stepbrother who put her and my stepdad straight. I've never felt truly loved by her. I miss my grandparents so much.
#27
That their grandson, my son, had alchohol in the car when he totaled it. Underage. He was not drunk, I checked with the police at the scene, and he claimed that there was beer in the trunk but he hadn't touched it. No one found out about it because it vanished before it could be found. The bond of trust between my son and I is unbreakable. He knows that if he is honest, I have his back. I won't ever judge him on the appearance of the issue, i judge on his character.
Zig Zag Wanderer 18 hours ago (edited)
In most countries, possession of alcohol is allowed at almost any age. Even drinking is allowed. Buying it is age limited, however. (except where religion forbids it) America is a significant outlier in this for reasons I just can't fathom. (NB: consumption laws refer to consumption in licensed premises, most are unregulated in private, UK limit is 5)
#28
That I was married. Twice.
David Houde 18 hours ago (edited)
My cousin (who is semi estranged from her parents) called my aunt a few years ago and invited her to Oregon for her divorce party. My aunt and uncle live in Alabama, so it's quite a trip for a divorce party. Oh, and my aunt and uncle didn't know she was even married in the first place.
#30
That I am childfree and dont ever plan to have kids despite my parents wanting grand kids so bad.
Samantha H 9 hours ago
There was a story on BP very recently about a lady who felt really pressured to have children, she ended up having three and finally had a breakdown and left them with the Husband. Please don't have Children unless you really want them.
#31
That they are a big part of why I do not want to be in a relationship/get married/have children. They did everything right and tried so hard but I still ended up a bit [messed up] in the head and they ended up miserable.
Luke || Kira (he/she) 10 hours ago
♫ They tried so hard and did things right... in the end, I still have childhood trauma ♫
#32
Hmm
• first boyfriend was someone i initially met on the internet and traveled across an ocean to see (but i think they actually know that, my mom is more perceptive than she lets on)
• depression
• drinking (drank underage and got injured, mom drove through the middle of the night to come see me at the hospital, i was so embarrassed and ashamed of my carelessness that i didn’t drink for a long time and even now i still don’t mention that i occasionally do)
#33
I've always been depressed, I tried to end myself at 13, and I am gay.
Jenna Kay 41 minutes ago
From age 12 until I was 46 I dealt with severe depression and daily desire to do myself harm. I am here because my friend Amy in school made sure someone checked on me everyday, and once my daughter was born, I couldn't abandon her - she needed me. I have worked through a lot in therapy, and my medication makes it to where I can handle most days without leaping to thoughts of everyone being better off without me. So if you are reading this and wonder does the depression and pain ever stop - it can. There is no miracle cure, but you can learn to face the fear and uncertainty, you can find a glimmer of light and grow it, nurture it, until it breaks through the dark on most days. Yes, there are still bad days, but the point isn't to get rid of them - it's to learn to manage them knowing that they will end, like a storm that passes.
#35
That I'm bi.
Zig Zag Wanderer 18 hours ago
My greatest regret in life is that when my daughter said this to me, I didn't say "Hi Bi, I'm Dad!"
#36
That I’ve spent over $300 on video games.
#37
That both my aunt and sister did some questionable things to me as a young lad. I had blocked it out for a long time but after a spiritual awakening 3 years ago that coincided with my previous mental issues disappearing overnight, memories of my childhood returned and I realised that if genders had been reversed they would definitely be arrested by now.
If I told anyone it'd shatter the family apart. People would treat me differently. Many people would take their side, especially since they have reputations as good people whilst I'm somewhat of a weird loner who's into gothic [stuff] and metal music. I don't want to cause my nephews to grow up without their mom. There's the whole incest side of things. I just don't feel like anyone would believe me or that it would do any good. I wouldn't even win if it was brought to court.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 21 hours ago
So OP's sister SAed him as a child, but he doesn't want to cause his nephews to grow up without their mother, who is a séxual ábuser? What if she's doing the same things to her own sons?
#38
I’m not better. I still haven’t moved on. I still am holding a grudge. I’m angry. Angry for the childhood I never was able to have. Angry for having to still act like everything’s better.
#40
I'm kind of right of center politically. Parents are party loyalist Democrats. In their heads centrists are worse than Rebublicans.
Luke || Kira (he/she) 10 hours ago
TBH... they are. Republicans are horrible but at least they stand for something. Those "BoTH SiDEs aRe eQaLLy BaD ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" people really grind my gears, not to mention that 99,9% of "centrists" are basically Republicans lite.
#41
In high school I thought it was that I was able to have a party while my mom was out of town. Turns out someone had gone into her room and stolen her jewelry unbeknownst to me. So, she gets home and I’m thinking I pulled it off, got everything clean, and then boom she walks into her room and notices all of her jewelry is gone.
Did get most of it back though.
#42
I [slept] with my mom’s boyfriend once lmao. To be fair they weren’t together anymore and he had been around for a while before and after like it was a lot more casual than like a passionate affair vibe.
Sara Frazer 19 hours ago
This is still icky imo, even if they "weren't together anymore", like 🪕🪕🪕🪕🪕🪕🪕🪕
#45
I’m leaving and I’m never coming back.
#46
I’m bisexual and polyamorous.
Zig Zag Wanderer 18 hours ago
My son is pansexual and polyamorous. I tell people he loves parots and likes to have sêx with kitchen implements. He's very good at eye-rolling, now.... 😁
#48
I will be marrying a middle eastern man, and changing both my first and surname when I do so.
#50
That I cry myself to sleep every night as a matter of fact I’m crying rn lol.
#51
In sixth grade instead of doing my homework while my parents weren’t home I’d watch YouTube videos for hours. Pretty sure I got caught at one point but we never talked about it.
Zig Zag Wanderer 18 hours ago
We didn't have YouTube when I was in school. We had to make our own distractions from homework!
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Stardust she/her 15 hours ago
That I tried to delete my subscription to life last month but didn’t because I couldn’t do this to my brother. They don’t know and they probably won’t care because when my parents found out I was suïcidal again my dad told me that if I was really depressed then I should jump off the roof. Little does he know that I almost did three separate times lol
Little Bit 2 hours ago
I was SA from the age of 11 to 16 by my mother's brother. I've never told anybody. He was a very well known, well loved and well respected member of the community. I knew nobody would have believed me and I was scared that everybody i knew; my friends, my family, my neighbours would hate me and turn against me. My relationship with my mother was toxic and I was scared that she would blame me and throw me out onto the streets if I told her. I was too ashamed to tell my dad.
Stardust she/her 15 hours ago
That I tried to delete my subscription to life last month but didn’t because I couldn’t do this to my brother. They don’t know and they probably won’t care because when my parents found out I was suïcidal again my dad told me that if I was really depressed then I should jump off the roof. Little does he know that I almost did three separate times lol
Little Bit 2 hours ago
I was SA from the age of 11 to 16 by my mother's brother. I've never told anybody. He was a very well known, well loved and well respected member of the community. I knew nobody would have believed me and I was scared that everybody i knew; my friends, my family, my neighbours would hate me and turn against me. My relationship with my mother was toxic and I was scared that she would blame me and throw me out onto the streets if I told her. I was too ashamed to tell my dad.
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