Having a good comeback to anything is a skill that doesn’t come easy to some people. At least to me anyway. Sometimes I wish a spider would bite me, and I would magically turn into a master of quick and witty remarks. Which, let’s be honest, would probably up my quality of life only slightly.
However, some folks are naturally born this way. Luckily for us, they occasionally put their superpowers to noble use by shutting down online absurdity. Today, we have an impressive collection of some of the best savage comebacks that might inspire you to sharpen your wits and get your keyboard ready to fight some internet trolls.
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Shots Fired, Two Men Down
Find A Different Career
Deutscher Patriotismus vs. American Patriotism
If you ever suffered from “l’esprit de l’escalier” or "the wit of the staircase," that is, thinking of a comeback once you’ve reached the stairwell of your home, don’t worry; experts have several tips that can help with that.
They emphasize that in order to have a witty answer, timing is everything. This means that your remark should be as fast as the words that took you by surprise. The key to doing that is honing your listening skills so that you can essentially respond at lightning speed.
Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile
A Very Important Point
It's Never Just About A Cake
What's done in the name of Christianity by people calling themselves Christian is truly heartbreaking
Indeed. The behaviour of some Christians is anything but Christian.
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Here's my honest thoughts on this: If a person wants a license to have a business to serve the public, they are making a contract with the government to serve all people unconditionally. A person can BELIEVE whatever they want. Free country. But if you want to have a BUSINESS license to serve the public, you have to agree to serve the whole entire public without discrimination. If you can't do that, no license, no business. Go let your cult support you. Start a commune something away from the rest of us. Religion CAN'T be an excuse to discriminate. You can HAVE your freedom of religion, but not at the expense of the law, not at the expense of what's right.
I hear you and agree, but every time a story like this comes up (way too often) I also think "You know, I'm not sure I want to eat food made by someone who hates me".
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I thought being Christian was following Christ teachings - Be Kind. Period. Correct me if I am wrong. Kindness to every living thing.
That's pretty much it. Jesus himself said the two most important commandments were to love God and love others.
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How awful. Can someone find these people and start a large charity? If this was me I'd... man, i don't actually even know what I'd do...
If those D-holes actually do lose the shirts off their backs and have to live out of a van and said fundies who participated in harassing the poor couple get slapped with any form criminal charges, I'd call it sweet justice altogether. SMH!
OMG, I had no idea of the aftermath of this. Were there any Christians who collected money for the attacked gay couple? Not that they have to make up for idiot Christians (though I'd wish more of them would speak out), but rather because I still believe that most Christians are decent people.
I like to think that most christians are good people. There are just a lot of christians out there, and some of them are bound to be terrible.
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What I love is that all of their Fundy "Allies" were willing to pay hundreds of thousands to attack the Lesbian couple, but were unwilling to help the bakers pay their fine. Typical Religious fanatics "Money for hurting people who believe differently? How much do you need? Money for helping anybody, even our own people? Thoughts and prayers only, sorry"
It's not about cake, it just started with cake. We now are debating if doctors/hospitals/paramedics/police are allowed to refuse/deny/ignore someone in distress because they have a bug up their a*s about SOMETHING, an undefinable ANYTHING, and not face the consequences of being a bigot.
ER did a great episode about this issue. A black surgeon performing life saving skills and gets faced with the patient having a KKK tattoo.
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except it isn't, because apparently they got crowdfunded for destroying the lives of that queer couple
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Religion's function is to keep people under control. Nothing more, nothing less. To do this you have to have them believe they are "chosen", therefore "better". That starts the us/them dynamic which leads to getting people to hate the people you want them to hate. Once that is set up, you ask for money to "fight" against said hated groups. 3.???? 4. Profit
WTF is up with Bakers? this is worldwide. And I mean, FACT: Cakes are definitely gay.
If Jesus does have a second coming, he's gonna pissssssed at the arseholes taking his name in vain. They will be Satan's a**l dildo for all eternity, these so called "christians".
"Christians" are the biggest racists and hypocrites in the world. I know, I used to be one.
Also, Christians were somewhat conflicted about whether to baptize Africans because they thought it may be wrong to enslave other Christians, they eventually convinced themselves not to have a problem with it,
If you have to announce that you are a Christian, then you are not a Christian.
I'm a Christian. My (Dutch) church in Europe, close marriages of anyone who supports love, no matter the genders. Too bad so many so called Christians use a made up religion to arrange the world in their own narrow minded ways.
41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’ 44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ 45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ 46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”
If you give me money for my product, I don't care who you are or what you do!
There is nothing Christian about this at all. I am a Latter Day Saint and we believe in an all loving God and this in no way represents true Christianity. It demoralizes those of us who believe in actually and honestly loving your neighbor as yourself and doing to other people as you would have them to do to you. Not just because I am religious but because I am human. There is such a lack of self awareness, empathy, tolerance, and compassion towards those who live a different lifestyle than you with soooo many people it's horrifying!
There are Christians and people who follow Christ. Those bakers and those like them are not followers of Christ! If they were, they'd live by His commandments... they definitely aren't!!
I'm a relatively new Christian ( about 14 months ) and first of all, I would like to apologise to any members of the LGBTQ+ community who have had difficult times with Christian's. Secondly, I personally have no objection to anyone's sexuality, it doesn't bother me one bit, if you're happy, then it's all good. Thirdly, it's people like them who give decent, honest Christian's a bad name, however, sadly, this isn't the first time I've seen people affected by bad Christians on here....
Anyone else notice that Christians are the most unChristlike hypocrites on the planet?
There are no true Christians as there is no true Bible. The true Bible was written over two thousand years ago and because it has been translated so many times it is not true. For example the King James Version and the stand out word is "Version". If the translator was unable to find an English word, King James said "write this". Look it up. It is very interesting how supposed Christians are quoting from a Bible with made up words and ideology.
Anyone can deny a private service to another person if they wish. However, deny people service and others may deny you their business as well. When you bring in threats, nastiness, harassment, etc., then it is no longer just a denial of service; it becomes a social problem and these people paid the price for their stupidity. No sympathy.
What price do you have to pay to be happy? Obviously by taking someone else's opinion and acting on it, Stupidity in this is ridiculous. How would you feel if someone told you that you couldn't marry your long-term partner because THEY didn't like that kind of thing? Homosexual people deserve the same rights as everyone else. Basic Human rights and the right to live their lives without someone sticking their opinion it there.
What a lost opportunity. They would’ve made bank if word got out that they made ✨fabulous✨ cakes for gay/lesbian weddings.
I've been an atheist since I was about 12; I'm now 61 & I live by Jesus's sermon on the mount & The Beatitudes more than most Christians; their hypocrisy is truly disgusting
This reminds me of all the "It happened because of a pronoun". No, it happened because of all the harassment and verbal abuse when asked politely to be respectful of their pronoun.
All the best to the lesbian couple trying - and succeeding - to do the right thing.
In the Colorado case that went to the Supreme Court the baker had refused to make a custom cake. He was willing to sell other non-customized products. That was an important distinction and the court ruled in his favor.
Not all Christian’s are gay/lesbian bashers, or send other to harm, harass, or threaten. There are some who truly are Christian. You’re supposed to be loving to everyone regardless of their sexual preference. You don’t have to agree with it, but you should still be accepting.
I believe that a business has a right to refuse service but not for something like this.
But they didn't so that isn't the argument. It went far beyond the principle of baking a cake and into deliberate provocative behaviour, threats of violence and taking children away.
Load More Replies... Sure you do, but don't blame your bigotry on Jesus.
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If he's fine with making them ANY CAKE, why didn't he just make them what they wanted, a wedding cake. Bigots exist on a spectrum of s**t.
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Luckily, people tend to think faster than others speak, giving the hearer additional time to come up with a reply, even though they might look as if they are still listening. This is especially handy when a conversation turns sour and someone needs to defend themselves.
Such a skill can definitely be improved with practice. One strategy for better listening skills is playing a game of one-word volleyball, where two people are telling a story by quickly taking turns and adding words to what the other said before them. The simple exercise forces players to be less focused on what they are going to say and instead helps them listen and respond to others spontaneously.
Sarah Has Been Reported Dead
I'm Gonna Take The Surgeon's Side On This One
Now Sit Down, Stefan
Belina Raffy, the CEO of Maffick, who often uses improv skills in business, adds that not overthinking the situation is key. “You’re taking yourself out of unfolding reality if you think too much,” she told Mental Floss. It’s important to be in the moment and to deliver an answer that is relevant in the instant. After all, a comeback that is off-topic most likely won’t be effective or amusing.
"Educate Your Self"
Who Doesn't Love Irony?
and then they do terrorist attacks yelling " in the name of nooothiiiing "
Yes, The Answer Is Yes
The guy with the turban is most likely Sikh, not Muslim. He’s also sick of your c**p.
In addition, if you find yourself thinking about the reply too much, chances are you may end up saying nothing at all. Meanwhile, putting too much pressure on yourself can make your mind go blank, similar to a fight-or-flight situation. In a quick and witty comeback, this is the opposite effect you want to achieve, so try not to take it so seriously and just let your personality shine through.
Disabled Parking Should Only Be Valid During Business Hours 9 To 5
This Belongs Here
That Backfired
Something else that might help with quick-wittedness is expanding your knowledge, whether that’s learning new things or techniques from your comedy heroes. For this, you may want to watch some comedy specials or your favorite sitcoms. It’s not necessarily about memorizing certain lines or imitating them, but picking up certain subtleties like amusing observations or timing.
Due For Some Good Luck Eventually
Women Aren't People, Apparently
Love Andy Murray. Always leading the charge for women. Great guy.
The Fact That He Never Removed The Post Surprises Me
Even if you wish to pass certain comebacks as your own, there’s no shame in doing that. Winston Churchill, who was famous for them, has borrowed a lot of them. One of his well-known lines was in response to politician Bessie Braddock’s remark, “Sir, you are drunk.” The PM replied, “And you, Bessie, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning, and you will still be ugly.”
On A Comment Thread About UPS And USPS Workers
Well, When You Put It That Way
Cut The S**t Lady. You Chose The Bathroom
This iconic phrase was copied from American actor and comedian W.C. Fields. Despite this, it took quick thinking to recall and adapt the quote in the moment, which is why Churchill was considered a master of timing. “It was an off-the-cuff recall of something he had synthesized, composed earlier, and that he was waiting to perform,” Tim Riley, director and chief curator at the National Churchill Museum, said.
I Proudly Served In The Gay Wars Of '07
You Dense Mother ---!
Columbus Day
Lastly, as with any skill, practice is what makes one improve. For a quick-wit exercise, Hack Spirit recommends trying to make a mental note of something you’ve heard a person say during the day. Then set a timer for 5 minutes and try to come up with as many witty things as you can during that time. Some of them might not be that good yet, and that’s totally fine. The activity is all about training your brain, and over time, you will get better.
This Guy Wants All The Cake
Your Bigotry Is Showing
This is exactly what most sane people want. People with different cultures, beliefs, sexual preferences, styles etc etc, getting along and don't fight. Respect, understanding and honor are rare, but hopefully it will be common in the future.
Apparently, It's Impossible For Women To Be Smart And Beautiful At The Same Time
In The Interests Of Public Safety
This always astonishes me (sorry for my English) I mean boys also have shoulders??? But if they show them nothing happens
M*rdered By Kindness
My Christian granny read the koran because according to her, she wanted to know how others interpreted it
If He Were Here He'd Consume These Morons With Fireballs From His Eyes And Bolts Of Lightning From His Arse
The Best Putdowns Come From The Truth
Dammit George!
Pride month, lots of colours all over the place, crazy decorations, weird and wonderful people coming out and enjoying themselves, what's not to like?
Grandmothers Are Overrated
$10 To Clean The Bathroom?!
The Media Makes It To Be A Feel Good Story Over A Dystopian Nightmare
That’s A Stupid Reason To Ban Transgender People
mmmmhhhh, nice d**k, can I ..... yeah we're surrounded you're right, i forgot
See Ya, Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya
We have more guns in private ownership than at any time in our history. We only restrict what type of guns people can have, have strong requirements for how those guns are stored, and don't allow people who can't pass a background and psychological check to own them. We also don't fetishise guns. They're a tool for doing a thing, nothing more.
Waddaya Say, Then?
Room Temperature Iq Is My New Favourite Insult
Yellow Tape Around Her Body It's A Homicide
failure of obamacare ? where ? when ? you mean the fakenews from kolonel Von Shitzpantz before killing it
Anti Vaxxer Pretends To Be Educated
How the f**k do vaccines *weaken* your immune system??? That's like the exact opposite of how they actually do work. Huh?????????
I Love It
The only place I expect a doctor to be a medical doctor and anyone else to say they're not a medical doctor is in a f*****g hospital.
Pray Away The Gay
I went to a conversion camp when I was 19! It was a load of b******t but on the upside, I slept with half a dozen men which was great fun. I'm still gay by the way, it had the opposite outcome they were wanting.
I Love Arnold's Wholesome M*rders
Mmm Spicy
Pot, Meet Kettle
Bit Of A Stretch
Girls Have Ankles Too
Don't B Confused
Homeless charities supply phones to people, because they understand (unlike fückwit above) that it's barely possible to survive without a phone these days if you have a home, impossible if you don't.
Tomi Lahren
Note: this post originally had 66 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
This whole list has been on BP before. Fortunately most are still amusing
Stop blanking out the names of these dolts! We have a RIGHT to know who they are so we can celebrate them for the forward thinking individuals they truly are, lol.
Earlier, the mentally deranged and challenged were put in homes and watched over carefully by competent personell. Now they have their own country with unlimited guns and d***s and unchecked global power.
it doesn't matter some of these have been posted here in various lists - most of them are universal enough to grant the topic a forever pinned status with new ones added (eg in the comments or new instalments)
I’m so tired of reading hate against the United States. Not because I disagree but because I’ve always agreed, never been patriotic, but it just breaks my heart that this country gets so so much wrong and I watch my loved ones have to suffer by its poor management. And the hating on Americans is so unhelpful. I get that there’s a loud minority that are incredibly obnoxious and inspire vitriol. But most of us are not like that and suffer under our government. Why hate on us when there’s little we can do? And to say look who we elected? We literally didn’t. The popular vote was not for Trump, but our messed up electoral system still put him in office.
This article isn't about the US, it just contains a lot of American extremists who have been given power by the messed up system that elected Trump. I upvoted you because your statement doesn't say anything offensive and doesn't deserve that downvote.
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This whole list has been on BP before. Fortunately most are still amusing
Stop blanking out the names of these dolts! We have a RIGHT to know who they are so we can celebrate them for the forward thinking individuals they truly are, lol.
Earlier, the mentally deranged and challenged were put in homes and watched over carefully by competent personell. Now they have their own country with unlimited guns and d***s and unchecked global power.
it doesn't matter some of these have been posted here in various lists - most of them are universal enough to grant the topic a forever pinned status with new ones added (eg in the comments or new instalments)
I’m so tired of reading hate against the United States. Not because I disagree but because I’ve always agreed, never been patriotic, but it just breaks my heart that this country gets so so much wrong and I watch my loved ones have to suffer by its poor management. And the hating on Americans is so unhelpful. I get that there’s a loud minority that are incredibly obnoxious and inspire vitriol. But most of us are not like that and suffer under our government. Why hate on us when there’s little we can do? And to say look who we elected? We literally didn’t. The popular vote was not for Trump, but our messed up electoral system still put him in office.
This article isn't about the US, it just contains a lot of American extremists who have been given power by the messed up system that elected Trump. I upvoted you because your statement doesn't say anything offensive and doesn't deserve that downvote.
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