30 Times Cosmopolitan Had The Worst Dating And Sex Advice, So Bad They Ended Up On This Group
In theory, dating should be the simplest thing in the world. Just be yourself, and when you least expect it, the person of your dreams will come strolling into your life! But as we all know, we often make it much more complicated than necessary, thanks in part to some of the terrible advice magazines publish on the topic…
We’ve taken a trip to the [Stuff] Cosmo Says subreddit and gathered some of the most ridiculous dating and relationship advice the world has ever seen down below. If you’re looking for the love of your life, we’d advise steering clear from any of these tips. But if you’re looking for a laugh and to see some pics that might make you lose faith in humanity, scroll on, pandas!
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That’s Called Gay
Creates Buzz In The Bedroom
My boyfriend is allergic. That's not the kind of swelling I'm looking for.
Well Cosmo, Which One Is It??
If you’re in a happy, healthy and committed relationship, you might be shocked to find out that this kind of advice is actually being published by people who are getting paid. But, on the other hand, if you’ve ever been on a terrible date (which, let’s face it: we all have!), you might not be so surprised. Perhaps someone you met on Tinder and ended up having dinner with learned that it might be a good idea to start touching your feet under the table or ordering for you from one of these questionable publications.
However, lucky for those of us who are actually sane, we have the [Stuff] Cosmo Says subreddit to laugh at “all the worst from the world's most dangerous sex and relationship advice.” This community, which has been around for a decade now, is primarily focused on sharing questionable advice that’s been published in Cosmopolitan magazine, but they don’t discriminate. “We will welcome bad advice from anywhere,” the mods write in the group’s About Community.
An Old Image Taken From A Women's Magazine. Not Satire
Hypocrite 101
Halo Brows
[Stuff] Cosmo Says has amassed an impressive 104k members through sharing the world’s worst sex and relationship advice, and unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), there seems to be no shortage of awful advice being shared. If you’re not familiar with Cosmopolitan, you likely won’t be very impressed by the magazine’s content from this list. But surprisingly, the publication wasn’t always pumping out advice on how to suck a man’s toes or how to avoid ever paying on dates.
According to Cosmopolitan's website, the magazine “debuted in 1886 as a ‘family journal’ and then became known as a literary magazine for the first half of the 20th century.” Once editor Helen Gurley Brown took over the brand, however, the magazine was transformed into “what you know and love today” (Cosmo’s words, not mine): “a destination for real talk about all the things that matter to you, from pop culture and sex to politics and your career.”
Cosmo Has Amazing Flirting Advice
Spoiler: It Did Not Work And Don't Do This
So...people Really Get Paid To Write This S**t
Cosmopolitan describes themselves as “the biggest young women’s media brand in the world,” so clearly they have a lot of influence on the internet. However, the magazine is notorious for sharing “unhinged” sex and relationship tips and advice that would likely make most readers raise their eyebrows. According to WJEC in the UK, Cosmo’s demographic is primarily women between the ages of 18-34, with the average reader being a 31-year-old woman with a household income of around £50,000. 45% of readers are single, and readers spend, on average, 75 minutes perusing the magazine.
Reader Poll About Women's Preferences In The Size Of A Male Partner's Faeces
Guess I’m Gay Then
At least they have a question mark rather than an exclamation point at the end.
I Cant
For over a decade now, Cosmopolitan has received criticism for sharing not only comically bad advice, but also advice that might actually be harmful to readers. Kate Power wrote a piece for WHYY in 2013 breaking down how unhealthy the obsession with flattening women’s bellies and burning off those “guilty pleasure treats” is. Power notes that publications such as Cosmo and Women’s Health stigmatize eating, encourage eating disorders and fatphobia and are far from promoting body positivity, all under the guise of promoting health. Thankfully, Cosmo doesn’t seem to share such harmful advice in their Health and Fitness section today, but the impact of those articles they pumped out in the early 2000s and 2010s does not disappear overnight.
With Tips Like These, We Can All Be "Hot Girls" In No Time
8 Reasons Why Cheating Isn't Actually That Bad
Written by someone with no moral compass. If you want to have an open relationship, find a partner that is ok with that.
Who Knew Hummus Could Be So Sexy? (Courtesy Of Buzzfeed)
Now, Cosmo may be the magazine mentioned in the title of this online group, as they’re the most successful and the most famous for sharing this kind of advice, but they’re certainly not the only ones guilty of sharing questionable and downright terrible advice. Julia Belluz wrote a piece for Vox in 2015 detailing why women’s magazines are “bad for our health,” and not much has changed since then. When it comes to the health and lifestyle advice in these magazines, Belluz notes that many of it comes from celebrities, who are in no way experts on the topics, and often boast miracle diets and unhealthy restriction that aren’t sustainable in any way.
When You Need To Macgyver Some Mints, Cosmo's Got You Covered
I Don't Know, That Sounds A Bit Too Harrowing For Me
Yeah, This Makes Way More Sense Than Just Picking The One You Like More
Two hot guys who are also "roommates"? Congratulations, it's just a gay couple experimenting with their sêxlife
It’s no secret that many of these women’s magazines also prey on their readers' insecurities, pressuring them to buy expensive products they don’t actually need and attempt to look like celebrities who wouldn’t even look like themselves without plenty of plastic surgery and photoshop. “Not only are these celebrities genetic anomalies, but they also dedicate their lives to beautifying their faces and bodies; their careers hinge on this,” Belluz explains, noting why we shouldn't compare ourselves to them. “The rest of us have other things to worry about in our lives, and trying to look like Kim or Angelina is a frustrating exercise in futility.”
No Thank You
Jeffrey Epstein As Cosmo's Bachelor Of The Month
Cosmo Today vs. 4 Years Ago
The picture is the same one they used in the other "objectify" article. That guy's probably going to find it hard to get more photo work pretty soon, unless its to go with articles like "8 signs your boyfriend is a serial killer"
According to GoodTherapy, just three minutes flipping through a fashion magazine can make women feel guilty, ashamed and depressed. They also report that, regardless of a woman’s size, we are all equally negatively impacted by viewing images of extremely thin models in fashion magazines. So why do we continue to buy into ridiculous advice from toxic magazines? Even if we know it’s harmful and doesn’t teach us any actual, beneficial knowledge, readers can’t help but pick up the latest edition of Vogue or Cosmo when checking out at the grocery store.
Which Is The Best One? Hard To Pick
That's it, I've had enough, I'm scrolling straight down to the rating
Well This Isn't Creepy
Way To Go, Reddit. You Made It A "Thing"
If you’re actually searching for advice for dating and relationships, it’s recommended to consult an expert. There are plenty of dating experts, couples counselors and therapists who can help you much more than a silly Cosmo article that was likely written just for fun. Don’t feel ashamed if you can’t contort your body in the ridiculous ways Cosmo recommends, and please refrain from comparing yourself to any of the celebrities who promote questionable diets and swear that their faces are “all natural.” Feel free to read these magazines if they are your cup of tea, pandas! But if they ever make you feel bad about yourself or lead you astray, don’t hesitate to swap them out for an actual book! (Or, you know, Bored Panda...)
Haha What
I don't think I would date seahorse, but whatever floats your boat..
14 Things The Average Woman Thinks While Giving A Blowjob (From Cosmopolitan.com)
Courtesy Of Twitter🤡
If you’re in a relationship, we hope this list has made you count your blessings, pandas. And if you’re currently single, well, don’t feel so bad about not finding “the one” yet. You definitely don’t want to settle for anyone who takes this advice seriously! We hope you’re enjoying these hilarious pics, pandas; keep upvoting the ones you can’t believe weren’t published satirically. Then, if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing awful relationship advice, we recommend checking out this list next!
Oh So You Think He's Cheating? Good Lets Steal His Stuff, 'Lose' His Car, Crush His Balls And Ruin His Professional Image Xd Lolololol
I could accept it as funny, but it's not even that. It's just b******t
I Don't Think Cosmo Gets Humour Or What A Flirty Text Is
I Can Finally Decode My Man
From An Article About "What Men Do In Bed While You Are Sleeping"
#48, Everyone
Being An Asshole Is The Best Way To Flirt With A Guy!
Amazing that this person thinks that a man would make a cognitive leap from free coffee to marriage.
Are You F*cking Serious?
Another Hot Take
The Title Was “What He’s Thinking About During Sex”
...what?
True Story: The New Cosmo Editor-In-Chief Got Rid Of The "Career" Section To Make Room For "Astrology"
Sitting Next To Other Women...smdh, What A Crime
Sure Tim, "Confidence Boost"
Actually I save any messages that r sweet or anything to make me feel better when I feel like s**t
A True Martyr For Our Generation
Oh So That's Why! Thanks Cosmo! [x-Post From /R/Wtf]
How Dare He Let You Do What You Offered To
What era are these from? I’d be freaked out if he “insisted” and overruled me.
I Love Being A Mistress
He’s probably worried about that too. You and his wife both deserve better. Hey, maybe you could randomly destroy his life and possessions together, as a form of closure!
Because Heaven Forbid We Should Ever Pay Our Share
How Is Pizza In Bed A Sex Move...?
“11 Things Every Woman Does During Her Period”
How Does One "Try" Anorexia?
Wtf Is Wrong With You, Taylor?
No, Taylor. Stalking is bad. Say it with me: “Stalking is BAD!”
Is It Sexy Because They Can Spell?
I Hate The Word Pussy Almost As Much As I Hate This Article
This was probably written by a man. "Vagina tingling" sounds like a yeast infection, not like a ladyboner.
Sounds Healthy
Interesting And Newsworthy
They dropped the ball here. They should have written an article called "How a fancier signature can boost your chances of landing a rich and well connected guy"
Great Way To Fix Your Boyfriends Texting Habit
I so wonder what year it was. Imagine doing this every time a man writes to you on e.g. Slack
Telling Someone They're Stupid Doesn't Work When You're Grammatically Incorrect
To be fair, I did follow that link and the spelling and grammatical errors in the heading and the article are deliberate
We Have Officially Run Out Of Internet
Wear Your Shirt Backwards!
Muslims, Sikhs, They All Look Alike
well, at least they didn't kidnap them. these are some decent people :)
Need Tips On Kissing? Let's Ask A Psycho
What An Amazing Feat
I’m hoping the stardom is less focused on her bottom but somehow I doubt it.
Sweet Baby Yoda!
Wait... Why Can't You Just Tell Your Partner How Close You Are? The Rest Seems So Elaborate
I Have No Words
Ok, am I the only one to think the most cringy thing in these are doll illustrations? I don't know why, maybe they're just too uncanny valley for me, but couldn't Cosmo of all things afford something better?
Omfg
I’m Fine With The Weird Makeup And Sex Tips But I Feel Like We As A Society Should Be Drawing The Line At Stalking Underage Girls And Their Families. This Isn’t Journalism, This Is Creepy
Want A Guy To Not Cheat On You? It's Simple - Just Date A Guy Without A Penis
This is just trans rights but with some gross undertones about men :/
Cosmo Better At Sex Than Reddit
Benefit 1: Once They Find Out, They Won’t Like You
Cosmo Wants To Help Out Both Parties Of A Relationship
Foreskins Are Alien And Unusual
Its Bad To Want To Pleasure Your Partner
Apparently Ptsd (Post Trump Sex Disorder) Is A Big Deal
I wonder if they already have a name for sex aversion women may feel after Roe vs Wade was overturned?
Men's Health Edition
Everyone in the relationship knows about each other, and seems fine with the arrangement, so there's no issue here.
Ummm... What?
I Know It’s Trivial But This Ruined My Morning!
slices are essentially banana jelly… while a whole ‘nana on a hot dog bun is a vegan hot dog I guess
Why Is This Making Me Laugh So Hard
Dun Dun Dunnnn! The Royal Wedding Takes A Turn For The Worse!
Sure Every Cosmo Reader Has Experienced This
This is seriously wrong 1. Why an adult cat isn't neutered? 2. What s****y pet hotel allows non-neutered pet to interact with others of opposite sex? Who'll pay for the kittens?
10 Reasons Why You Should Never Date A Tall Girl
If someone ever uses this as reason to break up with you, celebrate getting away from them.
Thanks Cosmo, I Hate It
Why. Just Why
"What Your Favourite Dipping Sauce Says About Your Favourite Kind Of Bad Boy", An Actual Article In Cosmo Sa
The Endangered "Kardashian" Surname Rests On One Child. The Answer Will Shock You!
I Should Know, I’m A Witch! And I Totally Use My Magick For Good, Like Making My Crush Like Me, You Know, The Important Stuff!
According To Cosmo, This Is The Best Pick-Up Line A Woman Can Use On A Man
Best... Film... Ever
Whelp
I hate everything about this one but of all things was “welp” really the best way to start?
Cosmo Snapchat Article On 12 Red Flags From Boys
Alright, we're putting together a team of BP people to go to war on Cosmo. Who's with me? /j
I'm in, I have a bucket of cold water and some soap
Load More Replies...I love how women's magazines are all like "you're gorgeous just as you are" only to "the 10 body changing techniques you need to try" a few pages later.
Followed by "The 10 best cheesecakes to bake this season"
Load More Replies...What in the hell did I just read?? Jesus Christ. How does Cosmo even stay in business??
It's deranged. So glad I never bothered with it, I'd be even more fuqqed up lmao
Load More Replies...Alright, we're putting together a team of BP people to go to war on Cosmo. Who's with me? /j
I'm in, I have a bucket of cold water and some soap
Load More Replies...I love how women's magazines are all like "you're gorgeous just as you are" only to "the 10 body changing techniques you need to try" a few pages later.
Followed by "The 10 best cheesecakes to bake this season"
Load More Replies...What in the hell did I just read?? Jesus Christ. How does Cosmo even stay in business??
It's deranged. So glad I never bothered with it, I'd be even more fuqqed up lmao
Load More Replies...