Brains are constantly processing insane amounts of data, so it's no wonder they sometimes get overwhelmed. Recently, tumblr user debrides shared one of their most embarrassing mind eclipses, and since most people own some brain, internet users started relating to it with equally crazy and hilarious stories of their own.

From wishing a fun funeral to calling employees "the inmates," these brainfarts were so smelly, they will make you feel like a rocket scientist. Scroll down to read what happens when someone 's body computer experiences a 404 error and feel free to share your own personal examples below!

(h/t buzzfeed)

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#1

I’m a nurse at a hospital, and it was ingrained in us to knock on the patient’s door before entering (plus it’s just polite, people are barging in and out of patient’s rooms all day). So after working three twelves, I went through the motions of unlocking my door to my house, running upstairs to strip off my scrubs, and my husband just looked at me with the biggest smile on his face after I got my pajamas on. Little did I know, I knocked on my own door before coming in, knocked on my bedroom door, knocked on my bathroom door, and my closet door all without realizing what the hell I was doing.
Talk about being automatic!

Sara Elizanne Report

Zori the degu 1 year ago

I open most doors very carefully: a habit I've obtained due to the long time of co-living with degus who have a walk-free in my living room every day.

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#2

I work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - I'll ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it I've bungled it

But anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”

As I handed her the bag I was trying to say “thanks, you're all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and I said “thanks, you're important”

There was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the f*ck Id just said. She blinked and then said “oh thank you! you're important too!”

The real kicker was one of my coworkers. When I was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. Last week I accidentally combined ‘you're welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘you're a problem’”

commanderfraya Report

Daniel Sipes 1 year ago

As a cashier, you're an important problem.

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#3

I have two jobs: one at a coffee shop, and one at a sex shop. Once while ringing our a someone at the sex shop i accidentally asked "for here or to go". The look on their face was priceless. Thank god they didn't choose "for here"!!

Shelby Abrahamian Report

Daniel Sipes 1 year ago

There are SO many bad jokes one could make out of this...

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#4

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

mirab3lle Report

AcousticGString 1 year ago

I have answered my cell phone with the same opening as I do when I answer my work phone.

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#5

One time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, I was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.”

We both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, I should’ve done that.”

agrestenoir Report

SnoopyCereal 1 year ago

Sometimes adults just need to use their walking feet too!

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#6

When I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

hermionegranger Report

Alysha Jones 1 year ago

This is not a problem whatsoever!

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#7

One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”

She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.

thomrainierskies Report

SnoopyCereal 1 year ago

At least your dad took it well

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#8

A friend of mine was stay-at-home mom with toddlers. At a dinnerparty one night, while talking to the stranger next to her, she found herself cutting the meat on his plate. He looked rather surprised, but ate it...

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Celina 1 year ago

This should be higher up

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#9

I have a great conversation with a new client and at the end of the conversation realizing I hadn’t even said my name, meant to say “I’m Amber, thanks for the awesome conversation” but it just came out as “I’m awesome” as I’m shaking his hand.Coworkers started introducing me as that to new and old clients.

Amber Thorpe Report

Hawk 1 year ago

Isn’t that better?

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#10

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

icouldwritebooks Report

Daniel Sipes 1 year ago

Please turn to page Three-NINEty-four...

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#11

I worked in retail for a long time, and one day we were super busy and I was a little frazzled. The phone rang and I was half way between saying, “can you hold” and “can I place you on hold,” and instead just said “can I hold you?”

Liz Wilsker Report

Misterscooter 1 year ago

And then you broke into a Wilson Phillips song.

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#12

I work for a company that’s basically like amazon for prisoners. I’m so used to speaking to jails, that I was talking to corporate yesterday and when referring to my employees, referred to them as “the inmates”

Michelle Marie Report

Troux 1 year ago

Can you explain more about your company? How can they buy stuff? What can they buy?

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#13

I used to work at a place where you had to greet people when the door chimed and YEARS after quitting i was in a gas station that had the same chime and as I was in line to buy my road trip snacks I found myself greeting random other customer. Pavlov wasn't kidding.

Aimee Snow Report

Zori the degu 1 year ago

Sounds like something I'd have done.

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#14

I'm a supervisor and one day an agent needed help. He came to my office and said "Hey do you have a Sec?" Without even thinking I reply back with "I have all the Sec's for you". I turned bright red and tried to pull it back and say Time! I have all the Time for you!!

Lizzy Murphy Report

frederic eeckman 1 year ago

The Weinstein school of professional interaction !

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#15

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

mugsandpugs1 Report

MagicalUnicorn 1 year ago

amen to that!

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#16

One time I was out walking and saw the sweetest little golden retriever puppy. I asked the owner if I could pet her and she obliged. I was so overwhelmed by the cuteness that my brain got all jumbled. I put my hands on the puppy's face and said to her in baby-talk, "Oh my gosh you are just so cute I cannot handle it! I just want to KILL you!"

My brain simultaneously said the word "kiss" and "steal". I took a beat and the immediate horror set in of what I had actually uttered. I stammered and wanted to apologize, but the woman picked her dog up and RAN away before I could explain.

Jamie Hartel Report

LunasTeam 1 year ago

here comes the "one time I was walking and this girl said she would kill my dog"

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#17

I used to babysit a lot, usually the parents were going out, doing something fun. One time i was sitting so the parents could go ta a funeral. As they were leaving, I said what I usually say, "Have fun!"

Meghan Hewitt Report

#18

At work about a month ago, I was helping a customer, and when they thanked me, I combined 'No problem!' and 'My pleasure!'

'NO PLEASURE!' I said, and then because my brain was broken, I just walked away.

Alicia Stark Report

Alia G. 1 year ago

oh dear... if i was the customer here i’d be so startled lol

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#19

As a nanny I teach babies sign language. At home I will wave the pee sign to let others know I have to pee!

Amy Mellor Report

Zori the degu 1 year ago

This is a win!

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#20

Just last week a customer asked me if I was Rachel and I responded with “yes, this is Rachel.” It was not a phone call. He was right in front of me.

Rachel Williams Report

Misterscooter 1 year ago

Truth confirmed!

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#21

I was at work and had to make a super important phone call but kept getting interrupted and I was afraid I was going to forget to do it so in my head I kept repeating “Gotta make the call, gotta make the call.” Well then then this really hot guy walked up to the counter so I went up to him to say “Hi can I help you?” But what came out was “Hi can I call you?” He froze, I froze, we both wordlessly agreed that it never happened and went about with our interaction.

And then I forgot to make the call.

Stephanie McClure Report

Zori the degu 1 year ago

Just described my everyday fails at remembering important things.

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#22

Hmm…I have to carry a gun for work. When I get into my car on my days off I frantically shift and grope at my waist because I didn’t feel it dig uncomfortably into my side.

During work hours I will slow my pace so that no one is walking behind me. I hold doors open for people, not to be nice really, but so someone can’t charge up behind me in a doorway. I went to a friend’s parents apartment for thanksgiving, they have a door man. He opened the door for me, without thinking I grabbed it, making hard eye contact gesturing for him to enter first. He kinda shuffled in nervously. I took two steps once inside, before realizing what I’d done.

I think that’s all I got.

fitzreiley Report

Zori the degu 1 year ago

You sound a little like Alastor Moody.

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#23

I work in IT. One time, my wife complained that our toaster oven wasn't getting hot and I instinctively asked her if she tried rebooting it.

K De Leon Report

Rafaella Bueno 1 year ago

To be honest, though, turning it off and on again actually does work on occasion even for other appliances.

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#24

I'm a cook, and in professional kitchens, you say, "Corner!" to keep someone from running into you with a full plate or tray, "Behind you!", "Behind with a knife!" or "Hot Behind!" to make sure the person with their back to you doesn't suddenly turn around and get injured, and "Heard!" to confirm you received an instruction. I cannot tell you how many times I've been in a grocery story and called, "Corner!" as I come out of an aisle, "Behind you!" walking through crowded places, and "Heard!" to friends who were just telling me about their day or pretty much anyone asking me to do anything. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, but it's definitely changed how I move about in the world.

Jordan Anderson Report

SuperTango 1 year ago

Be glad you didn't say "Hot Behind!" to anyone outside of work (aka your crush). That would be worse!

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#25

Working in a grocery store and having customers complain about the price of organic fruit and telling them “it’s more because it’s orgasmic”

Malorie Mouré Report

Jill Rhoads 1 year ago

I sooo want to buy my fruit there...The bananas must be awesome.

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#26

A lady at McDonald’s said “Here’s your receipt” and I said “Thanks, you too!”

love-grows-with-every-glance Report

Lara B. 1 year ago

When you already have a conversation in mind, but it doesn't go that way...

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#27

After spending the day teaching kids yoga, I was teaching an adult class and we moved into cat/cow. I proceeded to tell them to "MOOOOOOO" on the inhale and "MEOOOOOOWWWW" like a scaredy cat on the exhale. No one but me did it.

Ali Forster Report

just a thought ! 1 year ago

Lmao ,I wish I was there to witness this... Then I would actually need help to breathe properly 😂😂😂

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#28

I worked for a company where my phone intro was,
“Thank you for calling Healthy Start Heathy Families how can I help you?” One day I answered, “thank you for calling healthy Fart how can I help you?” I almost died on the phone! Luckily it was my supervisor checking in and she was like, “well farts are heathy.”

Jo Alice Report

Cookie 1 year ago

Now that's a brain fart!

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#29

I used to work in the jewelry department of a big department store. I had been hearing the manager answer the phone all day "Fine Jewelry, this is Cindy." So later in the day the phone rings and I answer "Fine Jewelry, this is Cindy," and it was Cindy calling to check on things. We had a good laugh over that one.

Stephanie Deis Maloney Report

Neeraj Jha 1 year ago

Kinda same thing happened to me when I was trying to call Mr. X. After trying his number several times and reading his name on my phone screen, I ended up saying I am Mr X when Mr. X finally picked up my call.

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#30

One time I had two jobs that required me answering the phone. One day I picked up the phone and said "Good Morning, thank you for calling....where am i?" (Lucky for me customer started to laugh and thanked me saying he needed a good laugh)

Elisa Karina Herrera Report

Inka Karjala 1 year ago

I worked in a hair salon. The phone rang, I picked up and forgot the name of the place. So I just held the phone to my ear without saying anything. A stylist looked at me weird and I just shrugged as if there was no one on the line.

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#31

I was training a girl, who also worked at a taco bell, in a toll booth and she printed out a receipt and proceeded to tell the person who just paid their toll that if they fill out the (nonexistent) survey they could get a free taco. I was CRYING!

Kelly Rosado Report

PyroarRanger 1 year ago

Oh dere

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#32

Me: Hi how are you today?
Customer: Not bad, you?
Me: Pretty good, yourself?

Filipp Pankov Report

Hannah Dixon 1 year ago

sigh

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#33

I used to work for a healthcare company that is frequently located in strip malls. Will never forget the time that I told a prospective employee that our offices are usually located in strip clubs.

Robin Byrne Report

Mark Kelly 1 year ago

More men would go to the doctor then.

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#34

I once answered my cellphone “subway in [city name], this is Amanda” and my mom lost her shit.

gays-and-dolls Report

Sierra Batten 1 year ago

I used to work as a Phlebotomist in a Laboratory in a Hospital and i would answer my phone all the time, "Laboratory this is Sierra, may I help you?"

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#35

As a former Disney Cast Member any time I see a small child I feel compelled to get down on their level and ask about their day. "How are you today, Princess?"

Hannah Hartline Report

Sam Walton 1 year ago

That's actually really sweet though

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#36

Not work related but... My husband and I were walking around in our yard looking at the various plants. He noticed one that he didn't remember planting and ask what that was. My reply - "I don't know. Maybe some nut buried a squirrel there."

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Cat Palmer 1 year ago

OK, I'm done - I'm literally crying now! So glad I'm not reading these at work!

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#37

One time I was in a really intense argument with my boyfriend and my phone rang and I was so upset that I answered it and said, "thank you for calling [place where I work], this is Anna speaking, how may I help you today?" and it was my bfs mom and she just paused for a minute and said, "do you know where you are, Anna?"

Anna Davidson Report

Misterscooter 1 year ago

And you replied, "Who's Anna?"

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#38

27 years ago, I worked in a tiny telemarketing firm. We were calling central Oregon, looking for people who would do a survey over the phone. I also worked at Toys R Us, in Bellevue, WA. So, I call this number in Oregon, the phone just rings as I chit chat with my roommate. Suddenly, a woman answers. My mind blanks and after a couple seconds I blurt out “Thank you for calling Bellevue Toys R Us, we are open from 9:30 to” and then I just hung up. I imagine some woman staring at her phone, wondering what the heck that was all about.

Lynann Taylor Report

Misterscooter 1 year ago

Or, you saved her a phone call.

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#39

I worked an answering service for 10 years. One time I told a woman I'd page the vet on call for her sick child. She said, "you mean pediatrician? My dog is just fine." And once my husband woke me to roll over because I was snoring. I asked him if he wanted me to page the on-call doctor. He said, "No, you're at home. Go back to sleep."

Lisa Paolillo Report

SA Jane 1 year ago

When I was in college training to became a radiology tech, I went into my roommate's bedroom and told her to take in a big breath and hold it. It was very hot night and I was wearing very little. I don't remember doing it. As far as I know that was the only time I sleepwalked.

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#40

After 5 years of studying computer science to get my Masters, I was quite used to hitting a button to the right of doors in order to enter or exit secure rooms. Then when I started working every time I walked into a room or left, I would hit the spot next to the door automatically....which is usually where the light switch sits. So basically, I would announce that I was entering the room by turning of the lights or leave the room and turn off the lights leaving my co-workers sitting in the dark.

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roo slater 1 year ago

Thats exactly what I keep doing! after years of security doors.. I see a big square white button on the wall next to a door I hit it! so I was leaving the emergency ward after my son had his shoulder reset he'd dislocated it while out falling about drunk with his friends the night before and were leaving the hospital... through a swinging door.... and wham!! I hit the button.. the light button... leaving the entire emergency ward in darkness....

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#41

I was really sleepy one morning and went to the little corner market for coffee. I was in there pretty frequently but this time when I was saying bye to the older gentleman who owned it I said "Love You, Bye". I didnt go in for two months from embarassment but once I did he gave me free coffee.

MegMarie Houch Report

Gabixa Kellermann 1 year ago

I did this to the bus driver.

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#42

Didn’t happen to me, but to my boss. He was going on a local morning news show to talk about an upcoming event. He got nervous about responding either “thanks for having me” or “great to be here.” He ended up saying “great to have me.” That story cracks me up every time!

Mandy McWherter Report

Jan Mazzulla 1 year ago

and THAT'S why he's the boss!

#43

As a psychiatry resident we'd work nights doing emergency evals, and on a busy night would have a bunch of reports to dictate before we could go home and sleep. After droning through one, half asleep, I signed off with "In Jesus' Name, Amen."

Scott Oakman Report

Kimberly Robinson 1 year ago

Well, I like the way you ended it!

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#44

I use to work with in memory care at a nursing home so it was working with a lot of Alzheimer and demintia patients. Well some of them would need help with eating and drinking. Like putting the fork/straw to their lips. Well my mom asked for a glass of milk. I return with the milk and tried to put the straw to her lips, she just stared at me. We still laugh about it!

Amanda Danger Monson Report

DaveSteiN 1 year ago

If it was me, I would really laugh so hard! I just really love my mom.

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#45

When I offered to help my supervisor with removing a mop head,several years back. It was stuck and she was making some weird movements when trying to remove it.
"Can I fist you?" I said.
What I MEANT was "Can I help? It's really bad but you look like you're fisting someone."

Possibly the worst thing that's popped out of my mouth...

Alice Довгий Report

SexyEggPlant 1 year ago

lmfaooo

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#46

I waited tables in college and one night I left work and wasn’t feeling well, so I went home, took some NyQuil, and went to sleep. One of my friends called me at midnight to invite me out for drinks, but apparently in my medicine haze I’d answered “Thank you for calling Tejas Cafe” and tried to take her salad order.

Traci Danielle Report

brandon sat 1 year ago

uh...who goes out for drinks after midnight

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#47

I used to answer the phone at work by saying "Good morning (or afternoon) (then name of the business) this is Ellen, may I help you?" One day I answered it and did fine until I got to the last phrase and instead said "may I hold you?" I lost it laughing but the guy on the phone was quick. He calmly replied, "Ok, but I barely know you."

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Inka Karjala 1 year ago

He is right. You should buy him dinner first.

#48

In my old job, I was trying to package something for a customer. But it wouldn't fit.
"It's too big, it won't go in..."
Swiftly followed by "that's what she said!“
And then I remembered I was serving a customer and proceeded to accidentally put about 3 further innuendos in my apology. Luckily, he found it amusing and countered with some" that's what s/he" saids of his own.

Alice Довгий Report

Lara Smith 1 year ago

Once when I worked for a mall shop, I lowered the front gate at the end of the day but then needed to reopen it and it stuck. I was in a hurry and straining to lift it. I said out loud, "C'mon! You got it up before!" and three boys walking past cracked up.

#49

I worked in a fancy restaurant for years. We always set up salad bar for dinner. Well one night I was a little behind.Everything was all set except nothing had tongs in it. So essentially it wasn't ready for customers. Well the hostess was unaware of this and from what she saw it looked ready so she let this group of ppl through to start their salads. I came running through the line with tongs and had forgotten what they were called. Tongs or utensils...neither sounded right at the time. Anyway so I was hurridly placing them around the salad bar exclaiming " Wait, they need thier tonsils! Tonsils!"

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Ehren Thomsen 1 year ago

Seeing somebody running at you with their hands full of tongs and screaming about needing tonsils must've scared the hell out of more than one customer!

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#50

I work at a horse barn full time.
I make clicking or kissing noises to try to get people to move and kind of herd them around.
I tell them “quit” in a stern, harsh voice when they are doing something slightly annoying.

Bonnie Lee Chapek Report

Zori the degu 1 year ago

I make hen-calling sounds to let my degus know I want them to go back into their cage at the end of their walk. I've lost a count on the times when I used the same sound ("Cut cut cut!") to call my corgi or my friends. They come to me with a confused expression, nevertheless.

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#51

I used to work with little kids with disabilities, and one of my kids with down’s (non-verbal) calls ketchup “kehkeh.” And I just mindlessly told the dude at the McDonald’s drive thru i needed extra kehkeh packets and I want to Die

gays-and-dolls Report

Inka Karjala 1 year ago

Did he understand?

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#52

My mother and my grandmother pulled up to a McDonalds to get something to drink. They were lost in conversation when the voice over the speaker asked what they wanted. They were going to order a large coffee and a Coke. Instead, they asked for "one large cock" much to the amusement of drive through worker and the rest of the passengers in the car.

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Heidi Zimmermann 1 year ago

Luckily they did not think about black coffee

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#53

I'm a dog groomer, and I used to have a client named Penny who owned a dog named Noelle. One day, when they arrived for their appointment, I used my squeaky-happy-dog-greeting-voice, and called out, "HI, PENNY!" They both stared at me, and the lady said, "Uh...hi?"

Stephanie Smyth Report

#54

I used to work with small children in before and after school care who needed supervision to go anywhere. I’m now working as a teacher in a high school setting. Occasionally, when a student asks to go to the washroom, I slip up and say “Ok, don’t forget to take a buddy” to a 17 year old who just looks confused.

Lauren Michelle Report

Inka Karjala 1 year ago

You should not encourage them really.

#55

So I work as a technical trainer for a large software company. We often teach classes online. At this time in my company's existence, we used to pair students up to work on labs.

Now I also try to make it fun where possible. However, this time I had an odd number of students. So as i was going through who was assigned what lab, I did the following:

"John and Jake will work together"
"Sue and David will work together"
"Bill and Bobby will work together"
"And poor Peter has to play with himself".

It took a few minutes before the laughter died down for me to realize what i had said.... Thankfully they were a good group of students.

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Lily Waffles 1 year ago

That's hilarious

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#56

My facial recognition skills are horrible when I'm at work! I'll either say hello to the same customer 5 times or greet my coworkers thinking they're customers. What's worse is when my boyfriend comes to visit it takes me 5 seconds too long to realize it's him

Bianca Tiara Blunt Report

Danielle House 1 year ago

I'd do the same thing! I'd go and find something for a customer and then spend ten minutes walking around the shop trying to work out who it was for orz I try to remember them by hair colour but if there's more than one person with the same hair I'm screwed

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#57

I work at a newspaper and take classified ads over the phone. Unfortunately on more than one occasion, while reading the text of the ad back to the customer, and coming upon the phrase part-time/full-time I read it back as fart-time/pull-time...

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Mark Kelly 1 year ago

What I do to relax.

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#58

At my wedding, my father need to answer the traditional question, “who gives this woman to marry this man?” with the phrase, my wife and I. Instead, he was so nervous he answered “my mother and I”. So basically my father and grandma gave me away.

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Kathleen Alter 1 year ago

At a wedding I attended, Dad answered " her mother and father and I do".

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#59

I have 2 kids and I work in doctors offices. One time, I walked past a doctor and said "momma's very tired". He just looked at me, very confused.

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Inka Karjala 1 year ago

Did you get a raise?

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#60

I once walked up to the register at Panera’s to order and said “welcome to Rita’s (Italian ice), how can I help you?” instead of ordering a meal... The manager was standing there and wouldn’t stop making fun of me.

Sammi Allison Begelman Report

Inka Karjala 1 year ago

You are a very good worker.

#61

I work at a hospital in a diet office. Our job is to take patient orders over the phone, and also log in menu's that patient's fill out. One day I was working with my co-worker who had just finished logging in a menu for a patient. The phone rang, and instead of saying "Room service, this is (Insert name here)" she shouted "Meatloaf!" Apparently that was the last thing she logged from a previous order, before taking that call. She was so embarrassed. It didn't help that I was laughing so hard I was crying. She had to put the patient on hold so she could collect herself.

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#62

One time I was trying to say “I got ya” and “I’m on it” but instead told my boss “I’m on you”. I was so mortified!

Haley Beth Report

Inka Karjala 1 year ago

I got it!

#63

My classmates and I are bored to death, having a class. Suddenly someone knocks on the door. My classmate, bearing her most serious expression: "Occupied!" The silence was broken...

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Jenn 1 year ago

hahahaha!!!

#64

Back when I used to work in a call centre, I was spelling out an address and I forgot the phonetic for 'W'. All I could think of was 'Yankee' so I ended up blurting out 'Wankee'.
Miraculously, the customer didn't even realise, so I didn't get in trouble.
My colleagues in earshot all thought it was hilarious though.

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Mark Kelly 1 year ago

It's whiskey

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#65

I told the girls at the nail salon I go to "nigh night" as I left. I've worked in a day care for the last 5 years and say that to the babies every night as I leave. Couldn't even look back I had to keep walking lol.

Hannah Halterman Report

Mark Kelly 1 year ago

I've had adults say that to me and other adults on purpose.

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#66

I work at CVS and we are supposed to greet customers who come in. More than once I've said "Hello!" to a customer leaving the store lol.

China Wilkinson Report

#67

In college, I worked at AAA (Emergency Road Service) & Victoria's Secret. I once answered the phone at Vicky's asking if the caller was in a safe location. It took about 3.7 seconds to realize what I'd said so I just hung up & didn't answer when they called back.

Kari Hardy Report

Christine K 1 year ago

"3.7"

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#68

Today, in College, my friend was telling me something exciting about her trip to Sri Lanka. I wanted to say "That's Great!" but in my head i was going to say "Wow!".

I ended up saying - "Chiwao!"

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Grace Smith 1 year ago

I’m gonna use that

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#69

My typical response to people selling things/collecting signatures, etc. outside of stores is, "Not today, thank you." One day, a store employee was gathering carts and told me to, "Have a nice day!", as I left. He was very confused when I replied, "Not today, thank you.", as I smiled firmly and shook my head no!

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Kristin Connon 1 year ago

Nope. Not today!

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#70

I did something similar to the person who read the book review. My old waitressing job I had to greet every table and offer a cherry coke or a chocolate shake and a little boy had a book about squirrels on their table so instead I said "can I get you started with a cherry coke or a chocolate squirrel?"

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Alia G. 1 year ago

i’d take a chocolate squirrel....

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#71

As a teller I was unable to cash a check for someone due to them not having the funds to cover the balance if the check were to bounce (federal policy). They were polite and took the check back with a "thank you". I started to say "You're Welcome" but my brain switched to "No Problem". I said "Your Problem". I felt so bad, but the customer and my boss both laughed their asses off.

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mbergen 1 year ago

freudian slip? lol!

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#72

I work at a steakhouse, was at the host stand talking to a coworker about how we both used to work at MOE's Southwest Grill when a guest walked in, we both simultaneously shouted 'welcome to MOE's!' at the guest as he walked in and proceeded to the bar, he didn't even realize what had happened but my coworker and I died laughing

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Barry Evans 1 year ago

The fact you work in a steakhouse really highlights the 'cow' in 'coworker'! Leaps out

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#73

I work with professors in university and they sometimes act like children. Most of the times I don't get annoyed, but this one time one lady was unbelievably dumb and information that i gave her would come in one ear and then just wiggle out through the empty head of hers straight out the other ear.... Trough the entire conversation I was just smiling and nodding, but swearing on the inside. And then when it was the time to say goodbye my brain told my tongue to just go with "GO F*CK YOURSELF" instead of "GOODBYE". Honestly tho, I hope she went and did exactly what I said... Still have to see her at least one a week.

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Beth 1 year ago

Been there. Once got sent to help a bunch of academics waiting for a lift (elevator) that apparently wouldn't come..... in a single story building. They were standing in front of the steel doors to the janitor's office/storage area and repeatedly pressing the janitor's bell......

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#74

One time I was saying goodbye to someone and I was caught between saying "see you" and "keep well". I ended up saying "seek well".

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Alia G. 1 year ago

sounds like some sort of bad video game scripting, ha ha

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#75

I work at a zoo.
When friends tell me they're pregnant I usually ask if they are having a "male or a female?".

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Robert Morson 1 year ago

Seems fine to me. Actually, it's better than my usual question: "What species?"

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#76

I used to work as a customer service person answering the phone and I would answer the phone the same way every time—“*business name*, Brittany speaking!” I also took notes on who called when and what they called about. At least twice, I answered by saying what time it was, but in the tone of what I normally said. Like, no hello, no greeting, just picked up and said “2:46!”
I also almost answered my personal phone this way on multiple occasions but thankfully never did. Haha

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#77

I was working retail and I had just got off my shift and went across the street to a gas station . It’s almost midnight and I buy a drink hand the attendant my money, and out of sheer habit proceed to ask the cashier “Did you find everything you were looking for today. Do you have a rewards-?” He gave me the strangest look. I ran out of there as soon as I got my change.

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Inka Karjala 1 year ago

Overworked, underpaid..

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#78

I once worked at a construction company, but also worked at an auto repair shop (where the tow trucks bring us crashed cars and we try to fix it, or if the owner wants, do repairs on any salvageable part and sell it to help pay for a new car. Anyway, one day after no sleep, I got my current construction project, repairing a canal, and a car drop-off, where I would call, tell them where to get it, and wait until they got there. So I said I can give you anal, come out when possible. And my brain was confused more by them asking if I was ok, and I said wear a hard head (Ouch, I died at that moment since that is what I call hard hats) and told them to meet me there tonight. I then tried to apologise, they were ok with it. My manager asked later why I gave a different coworker the drop, and said the customer asked for the "Gay anal dude's phone number". I quit that day

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roo slater 1 year ago

still laughing.....canal/anal ...wear a hard head.... classic

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#79

I'm British but I live in China and speak Chinese. One day a woman stopped and said hello to my dogs when I was out on a walk. Its -30 here in the north in winter and I didnt wanna stay out long so I said in Chinese "sorry, but Ive got to go move house" (ban jia) instead of saying "go to work"(shang ban)... which launched into a very long conversation about me and where I live and my Chinese husband and how do I like China and what do I do and why am I moving house... and I was so embarrassed I had said it wrong I ended up staying outside talking for 30 minutes... until I really did have to go to work and then I said the originally intended Chinese correctly. Sigh.

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Red Pantone 1 year ago

My native language is Spanish, but at work we work in English with people all over the globe, many times I'm looking at a job with a colleague and sometimes I do a little thinking out loud... In Spanish

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#80

I worked customer-facing retail jobs for years, and once, in a job selling Apple product (i.e. high levels of professionalism required, customers spending a lot of money etc), I must have had my boyfriend on my mind, as I called a customer "babe" while handing him his change! I told myself at the time that he didn't clock it, but it's probable that he did.

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Inka Karjala 1 year ago

He bought an expensive gadget. That qualifies him as a babe in my book.

#81

Was working in a petrol station (uniform, nametag) and was addressed by my first name by a customer. I was genuinely confused, and demanded to know how he knew my name.

He replied that he was "physic" - I think he meant psychic 😂

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Inka Karjala 1 year ago

You two quite a pair.

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#82

When returning to the guy on hold on the phone at work I said, "Thank you for helping, may I hold you".

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#83

I used to drive a forklift at a factory. On a forklift the gearshift is on the left side of steering wheel. After work, I would get in my car turn on the ignition and turn the blinker on (left on steering wheel), then rev motor up, expecting to move. At work the next day, a coworker said she parked next to me and laughed. (Another forklift driver). And said "I though I was the only one" I wasn't embarrassed any more.

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Cristian Balaski 1 year ago

I've done that many times. Still better than doing the reverse. After a week off -- during which I went on a road trip in my car -- I came back to work and was driving the outdoor forklift across town. I came up to an intersection where I needed to make a left turn. I promptly reached up and tried to signal, promptly slamming the forklift into reverse at 20 kph.

#84

I used to work at a casino where part of the service culture was to tell guests "Good luck" after interactions. It was so deeply ingrained in my brain that I once said it to a man after I directed him to the restrooms. He just gave me an odd look and responded, "Umm, thanks?"

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#85

I went to togo's (sandwich place) with my dad for lunch and i don't normally get a drink or anything because its just a waste of cups and i dont normally need a drink for the kind of sandwich i get. so i order my sandwich and the guy (worker) asks if i want a drink. i say no politely. but he pushes and says "are you sure? just a cup for water?" and i say "no i am good thank you" but he keeps going "oh come on i can't imagine eating without something to drink" at this point my brain was just completely out of polite ways to decline an over insistent person so this is what came out of my brain "no really im good i have a lot of spit" well that stopped him, i got my sandwich and sat down with my dad and he is just looking at me and shaking his head like (what in the world have i raised)
TLDR
i didn't want a drink, worker insisted, i told him i had a lot of spit...

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Veronica Niechajczyk 1 year ago

hahaha

#86

My brain farts are much simpler. Like completely forgetting how to spell 'the' and 'and'...... and then having to ask someone.

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Inka Karjala 1 year ago

I once sat in front of a book staring at the word two without any idea about what it meant or how to say it.

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#87

I spelled my name wrong when I signed my driver's permit

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Trisha Dragon 1 year ago

I still write the wrong name more than a year after marriage.

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#88

So glad to have a place to tell this story! Uears ago in Harvard square there was a dog tied up outside a bookstore in the snow. I was intending to say "They could at least have given him a newspaper to sit on" when I happened to glance up at the ads in the window of the grocery store across the street. I said, very indignantly, 'They could at least have given him a banana!

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#89

I'm the receptionist in my office. we have a clipboard with a sign-in sheet and just about anyone who walks through the front door has to sign in before I buzz them in the office.
one day another department was having a meeting in our conference room. I'm familiar with the majority of the attendees, so I would say, "hi, please sign in." then I buzz them in. after awhile it got to where I could see them in my peripheral vision and just say the line.
I was answering the phone at the same time when someone came in and stood there. without looking up I said, "hi, please sign in, and the conference room is behind me." the person was still standing there when I got off the phone, and before looking at them while hanging up the phone I said, "please sign in. everyone in the meeting has to sign in." I looked up to see the director of my entire department. he smiled, "do I really have to sign in?"

I wanted to crawl under my desk.

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Rebecca Olberding 1 year ago

I can see this being the start of a love story, if the circumstances called for it.

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#90

I had been working as a florist for several years and needed a second job. There was a job packing fruit and veg for five star restaurants going so I rang up. Turned up to the informal interview, three elderly men behind the counter. I was asked if I could work quickly. I realised that I had said something wrong after their faces were shocked. I proudly had to them that I had been the fastest stripper in the florist shop over Valentine's Day..... but forgot to mention that I stripped the leaves off flowers and roses, not myself. Sigh..... got the job, then got teased for months after being the new stripper at work 😐🤐😧😩

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#91

Once I was alone on an elevator when an attractive woman stepped on and began to push the “door close” button.

Now before we go any further, it is important for you to understand how my mind works.

I have a friend who is an elevator technician and he once told me that the door close button usually isn’t hooked up to anything and simply serves to distract you until the door closes on its own. Essentially, it is a placebo. I thought this was a great piece of trivia and wanted to share it with her.

Well, as I attempted to share my little wisdom, I was surprised to see her face sour from a pleasant smile to thinly veiled terror. Her unexpected response made me realize what I said wrong, but there was no way I could possibly explain to her the whole thought process as I am doing here. Let’s just say the rest of the elevator ride was a very tense few minutes of us staring straight ahead and not moving.

You have to understand that while I was trying to think of the word “placebo”, my brain conflated it with something else that doesn’t really do anything, but we convince ourselves that it does.

So as this lovely woman stepped alone onto the elevator with me, a 6'4" stranger, and pushed the button, I turned to her and cheerfully said, “Did you know that pressing that is an aphrodisiac?”

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Lily Waffles 1 year ago

Wow XD

#92

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

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JillVille Child Care 1 year ago

My teacher's name was Mummenhoff - how many kids called her Mom? lol

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#93

I work for red robin and when a guest orders chicken sometimes I ask "some pink, or no pink?". They always look at me weird like, obviously I don't want pink in my chicken

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Trisha Dragon 1 year ago

My wife is weird about food, won't eat snouted things or ungulates and everything must be cooked beyond recognition. When I get questions like this I usually answer "dead" "dead dead", "Crunchy dead",and special one for eggs "when the cook thinks 'oh shit I burned them', he's there". I feed her vegetation as frequently as possible.

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#94

I still cringe over shouting "next please" in someone's face instead of saying goodbye when I handed them their bag.

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Jacob Laudenslager 4 months ago

that's funny ad hell

#95

I used to work as an EMT in a very rural area. Any time we needed to talk to the 911 center over the phone we were supposed to dial an actual phone number and not 9-1-1. I ended up on a call in a county I had never worked in before and needed to call them (radios at the time were really terrible in certain areas) and I asked my partner in front of the patient's family "What's the number to 911?"

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#96

I was a consultant leading a big community meeting for a small town. I was greeting everyone when they walked in to the auditorium and the mayor and her grand-daughter walked in. The mayor was a white woman who happened to be wearing a bright red blouse. She introduced me to her young grand-daughter who was African American and we all started talking and making little jokes and I commented on how radiant the mayor's outfit was. When she commented that we had such a big turnout and asked how I was going to organize the workshop part of the meeting, I smiled and, thinking about her vibrant blouse, said "how about we separate people by color?" Her: "Excuse me?" It finally dawned on me and all I could blurt out was: SHIRTS! CLOTHES! She looked confused and then I had to go talk in front of 150 people for an hour, blushing.

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#97

I had finally got out of work after a 10 hour or so shift so I was honestly drained. All day I was a cashier and that day I had customers pay with their cards. I finally get out and head to my car. In doing so I also take our my debit card from my wallet. I sit in my car and swipe the ignition with my card. I sat there dumbfounded wondering why in the world my car wasn't turning on. Not my best moment.

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#98

When my sister worked at Taco Bell a customer came through drive thru and ordered a Mexican pizza. When she repeated the order back it came out Mexican penis.

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Cookie 1 year ago

Mmm, Freudian slip.

#99

I work front desk at a salon and I repeat myself about 100x a day. Usually with "how was everything?" or "would you like your receipt" you know, the normal stuff. So anyways, I was at my local grocery store and when the clerk was about to give me my change I said "thanks, would you like your receipt?" She gave me a weird look and I just tried to laugh it off and say "It's been a long day at work..." and then ran off so embarrassed.

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#100

I was working in the X-Ray departments one Halloween and answered the phone “Good afternoon, Melody spooking, how may I help you”. We both had a good laugh at that one.

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Rebecca Olberding 1 year ago

I like this, and if I were working in a position to do this, I totally would.

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#101

Not really a work fail, but I walked into my 5th period class and sat down. Someone asked me how I was doing and I replied, "drowning in sunshine." (My gym class before that had played walking on sunshine (the song) and since I'm a bit of a pessimist I rebranded it.)

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Kate McGregor-Stewart 1 year ago

sounds lovely

#102

I am a student, working during the weekends & holidays at a gastronomic hotel restaurant. I was serving the last dishes at the end of a heavy lunch service. I was carrying 2 desserts and must've read the table number wrong, so I put down the 2 desserts in front of 2 business men that were there just for some drinks. They looked at me and said: "Those are our desserts". And I am not sure why, but I instinctively repeated them and literally said "Those are not our desserts". After the awkward silence I just picked up the plates like nothing happened and walked away.

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Hannah Ingram 1 year ago

these are not the desserts you are looking for

#103

I was working at farm fresh in the bakery and often had to do announcements over the intercom. Well I had just gotten off the phone with my mom and had to do an announcement shortly after and instead of ending it with "and thank you for shopping at your neighborhood farm fresh" I ended it with "Kay thanks bye!". I crawled behind the counter and sat there for a bit while everyone in bakery and deli continued to laugh, as well as my managers.

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#104

Once I reading numbers to this guy over a radio and I said sex instead of six and I just shut my radio off.

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Magpie 1 year ago

We'd just assume you were from New Zealand

#105

I went for a job interview at a glasses shop. When asked if I wear glasses I said “no way, I dont do glasses!” Didn’t get the job surprisingly

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Reid Miles 1 year ago

Reminds me of a interview I had with Apple. The interview was outside, it was cold and as when it got to what do i think of Apple computers, i inadvertently said "Apple is for simple minded people and graphic artist"... Didnt get job

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#106

For several years, I worked full time for Radio Shack, and part time (evenings) at my church (doing data entry). Eventually, as was bound to happen, I answered the store phone by saying "St. John the Apostle, how.. no... wait.. shit"

I never did get reprimanded for the "shit" because my manager was busy sitting on the floor crying with laughter. Along with a co-worker. And several customers.

*sigh*

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#107

I worked for a tourist office and we made hotel reservations for travellers. One day I dialled a wrong number and started to make a reservation before I realized it was a funeral home.

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AzKhaleesi 3 weeks ago

Donner party of 3 please.......

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#108

I'd been at an office job for a year and answered the phone one day with my previous job's greeting, "Thanks for calling ______ Records; how can I help you?" The guy calling (for an insurance exam) thought it was great and after I'd helped him asked me, "now I'm kind of hungry, if I call you right back, can you be Domino's Pizza?"

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#109

I used to be a nurse and wore a fob watch daily.
Whenever I had to run, it would bounce up and down so I would hold it steady with my left hand.
Still, many years later, if I have to run or jog for a few seconds I will do so with my hand clasping my left boob.

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Jacob Laudenslager 4 months ago

HAHAHA!

#110

I phoned my manager and said "Hi Richard, it's Stephen here."

My name isn't Stephen.

Not only is my name not Stephen, I am a 25 year old female and Stephen is my 50+ boss....

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catslave6 1 year ago

This is beyond brain fart...all the way to vapor lock!

#111

I am a radiographer (I take x-rays) and I was talking a student through elbow imaging. What I meant to say was "bring the elbow up to shoulder height". What actually came out was "bring the elbow up to holder shite...." It took a second to sink in but I foolishly made eye contact with a colleague who was next to me and we spent the next 5 minutes on the floor in tears while the nonplussed student went and x-rayed the patient.

I still can't say "shoulder height" without over pronouncing every syllable...

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#112

I was our shopping with a friend and started to get hungry. I was about to suggest going for lunch but instead I yelled "HEY YOU WANNA GO BRUSH THE DOGS GUMS?!" across the store to her, because as I was talking I read an ad for a dog treat that would also brush the dogs gums.

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#113

One time I made my sister a sub par sandwich, she didn't care for it and when she said "I'm gonna hit you this is so nasty" I tried saying "Make do with it" and "Love not war" and I ended up saying "Make love to it"

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Gabi Horvath 1 year ago

A nice version of "go fuck yourself" 😂😂😂

#114

I used to work in retail and the amount of times I would butcher the lines I was supposed to say along with greetings/goodbyes was UNREAL. Most of the time the customers ignored it, some laughed and said they understood.

But my best one wasn't even at work. I was at home and had let the dog outside, and she was taking a while to come back in. I had also been talking to my dad previously, so when I went to open the door and called the dog's name, I loudly called out "DAD!" Both of my parents were crying with laughter.

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Jacob Laudenslager 4 months ago

apparently your dads a dog XD

#115

Working desktop support on the phone, client calls saying their computer is frozen. After trying a few things like Ctrl-Alt-Delete to see if we can get anything to come up I say "well it sounds like you're well hung". Luckily I was able to hit the mute button on my headset before cracking up laughing.

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#116

I had a job that involved a lot of phone calls to a large client list. On Valentines day, I had just gotten off the phone with my boyfriend, and ended the next message I left for a client with, "Love you. Bye." I guess I was just feelin' the love that day...

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#117

At work in a card store people normally say excuse me to ask a question, well I was in the supermarket with my mum when a lady said excuse me and I instinctively said yes my lovely how can I help? She just stared at me and was like uh.. I just need to get past please.
My mum found it hilarious I was so embarrassed

Or we have the time I went into autopilot and asked a postman in uniform if he needed any stamps at all today -_-

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Em Chappell-Root 1 year ago

As a postal person, yes, sometimes I do.

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#118

When I was a teenage, I worked at the Gap. These were the old days where the fitting room doors were solid and went all the way down so we had sensors on the floor and lights above the doors to show if the rooms were occupied. One particularly busy Saturday, I was working the fitting rooms, which meant letting people into the rooms with a key, putting a little colored hanger on the handle to show how many items they took in, and removing the clothes that people left behind.

On this particularly busy day around the holidays, I let a deaf man into one of the dressing rooms. Time passed. People came and went. We were so busy that I lost track of who was in which room. I noticed the light was off over one of the doors that had a hanger on it. I knocked on the door. There was no response. Apparently I forgot that a couple of the doors had wonky sensors because I opened the door to let a person in and there was the deaf man standing in his underwear...and all 10 people in line could see him.

But that's not the end of the story. I was mortified. So I told my co-worker that I HAD to get out of fitting room duty, right now! She reluctantly took my place and I went up to work at the registers. 10 minutes later, I saw out of the corner of my eye that the deaf man wanted to check out in my lane. I stretched out the transaction with my current customer so that he would have to go to another register. After he was done, he lingered by my station, but I kept busily helping other people. I could tell out of the corner of my eye that he wanted to get my attention, but I kept my head down and appeared to only focus on my other customers.

Finally he wrote something down on a piece of paper and handed it to me. I took it, didn't open it, knowing it was going to be something like "I can't believe you embarrassed me like that!". So I put the paper down unopened and continued helping other customers. He finally gave up waiting for me to read it and he walked out.

As soon as he was gone, I opened the note. It said "Thank you for your help today. I really appreciated it." UGH! I felt horrible! This has haunted me for more than 30 years.

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#119

When my sister was 17, we were chatting at home and the phone rang and it was my mom's husband's coworker so after she told them he wasn't home, they asked who had they spoken with and my sister wanted to say "his wife's daughter" but instead said "his mother's wife" and when she realized what she had said, she just hung up.

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#120

My parents have two friends called Heather and Fay. Once I muddled it up and called them Feather and Hay. It has been a long standing joke since then!

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Heather Van Hattem 1 year ago

Nothing is worse than calling your best friend your own name.

#121

At my main work, we got a new Team Leader called Sunday. It took a while for one of my co-workers to realise that I was telling her to call the person, not to book a call for five days away.

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#122

How about patting your girlfriend on the head when she walks by after you spent the weekend training your dog?

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#123

My mom has worked in a day care for 25+ years. A few years back we were in the hospital to visit her father, who was going to pass away any day. Understandably, she was a bit out of it.
When we were exiting the elevator, an old man walked by, tears in his eyes, cursing repeatedly.
Instinctively, my mother said "We don't say those no-no words here!" While making direct eye contact with him.
We very quickly walked down the hall as if she hadn't said anything.

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#124

I was at a restaurant and ate what I liked in my salad and left the rest in the bowl. Instead of the waitress asking "if I was done with my salad" she said in her best MOM mode voice "you are not done with your salad!" Being a mom myself, I laughed and responded "does that mean I don't get dessert if I don't eat all my dinner too?"

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Kylee bettencourt 1 year ago

Yup.

#125

We were having dinner one night at my dad's house. I was with a new boyfriend at the time. I opened the refrigerator to look for the sport pepper sauce. When I couldn't find it, I loudly asked where the sport PECKER sauce was.

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Trisha Dragon 1 year ago

What the hell is a sport pepper?

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#126

A banking colleague of mine visited two attractive young female customers who had just moved into more spacious offices. He got stuck between saying "its great to be able to spread out" & "it's great to be able to stretch your legs". He finished up saying "it's great to be able to spread your legs". Freudian slip?

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Jenn 1 year ago

wow......

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#127

Not a work fail but while writing a very important paper i wrote what people take for grunted instead of granted and wrote the wrong name on it

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#128

These are about as bad as when i was in training for a call center job, we had to answer the phone as " thank you for calling ACS how may i help you? well me & my brain fart said.... Thank you for calling ASS how can i help you!!

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Rebecca Cote 1 year ago

LOL I actually worked for ACS when it was Xerox...now its Conduent... It was an ok job until they laid me off the day after New Years.... good luck with your job if you're still there.

#129

I worked at the A&W in my town while I was in university. After at year and a half, I got a job as a receptionist/dispatcher at a large every company. One day I was showing another coworker how to find something on the computer and the phone rang. I answered the phone with "Welcome to A&W what can I ge-wait, what?" One of the ladies from the call centre was on the other end of the phone and was dying. I apparently made her day. The coworker I was helping had no idea what I said and was very confused why I was laughing so hard.

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#130

I sometimes volunteer as an MC for the local eisteddfod. It's kind of like a big show, where contestants perform for points in numerous categories. It's very long, and it's very fun.

So, we were on the music section. I had been up late MC'ing the previous night - it had run about two hours over time, so I was very tired. Anyway, a lot of the names had been in numerous languages - some were French, some were German, some Italian etc.

We got to the Saxophone section, and I looked on the page to see who was next. So, I confidently walked up to my podium and read out the name of the piece. Of course, it was called "Get Eccentric", but my mind was not having any of that. So I very confidently told the entire crowd, "Next up we have competitor number four with 'gièt eccentrie'" in my best possible French. It seems, while others get confused between words, I just forget entire languages exist.

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#131

I've worked as a secretary for a swimming pool company for several years. I constantly say "yes/no, sir" to women and "yes/no, ma'am" to men. However, my favorite slip up was when instead of answering "Hello, ________ Pools!", I was very hungry, and said "Hello, ___________ Food!" My sister happened to be at work with me and just about died laughing. Lucky for me, it was just a recording.

I also may or may not have belched loudly at a telemarketer trying to sell me meds.

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Kiss Army 1 year ago

"May or may not have..."

#132

I was introducing the new bosses of the section I was working in. Standing in from of 1200 people, instead of introducing Randy and Chandra, I said Chandy... dang it.

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#133

I worked at a convenience store where we kept the condoms behind the counter, so customers had to embarrass themselves to ask for them. One guy asked for a "pack of Trojans" or something. They are sold in a three pack and a twelve pack so I instinctively reached for the twelve pack. The customer said, "no, I want the small one". Without thinking I shot back "one size fits all". He was not amused.

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#134

I take public transport everyday and I always thank the driver when I leave... I end up saying thank you when I get ON the bus and to random people when I meet them.

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#135

I was a consultant leading a big community meeting for a small town. I was greeting everyone when they walked in to the auditorium and the mayor and her grand-daughter walked in. The mayor was a white woman who happened to be wearing a bright red blouse. She introduced me to her young grand-daughter who was African American and we all started talking and making little jokes and I commented on how radiant the mayor's outfit was. When she commented that we had such a big turnout and asked how I was going to organize the workshop part of the meeting, I smiled and, thinking about her vibrant blouse, said "how about we separate people by color?" Her: "Excuse me?" It finally dawned on me and all I could blurt out was: SHIRTS! CLOTHES! She looked confused and then I had to go talk in front of 150 people for an hour, blushing.

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#136

I used to work at a schmancy restaurant. A group of 5 or 6 guys around my age were sitting at a table located next to a Parson's table with gigantic bottles of wine called Nebuchadnezzars on it. They were oggling the bottles and I jokingly said I'd know who to look for if one went missing. One of the guys said "I'll just put it on my back and walk out." To which I replied "Yeah! Just strap it on!" We looked at each other numbly for a few seconds and then he said "Just walk away. No one else heard." I turned right around and hid in the service station until my face went from red to normal face color.

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#137

Working on film sets so often, I catch myself, and my coworkers have agreed to this well, saying "striking!" whenever turning on a light while not on a set.

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Carmen Devore-Blakestad 1 year ago

I must be dumb cause I don't get it.

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#138

For years in my teens,I worked at a drive-thru carwash which was always just referred to "the carwash."
When I later switched over to a fast food joint, I automatically and constantly called the drive-thru window the 'carwash'. I'd say things like "Ugh, I'm in carwash tonight..." not knowing why I'd always get such utterly blank and confused stares from co-workers.

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#139

I work at an elementary school, and one day a kid was asking my a question, but instead of starting with Ms.____, he started with "Mommy"

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Lily Waffles 1 year ago

Poor kid XD

#140

Worked at a pizza restaurant (chain). Second day on the job, answered the phone with a greeting naming a competing pizza chain. Somehow kept the job.

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#141

I had just started working at Chick Fil A, and training on the drive through. The person training me would say things like "Id be happy to serve you at the window" or "Its my pleasure to serve you at the window". Well one time, I got the 2 of them mixed up and said" I'd be happy to pleasure you at the window" I immediately heard what I said and didn't even turn around when they drove up. I told the manager what I did, and he just laughed.

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#142

My service line work needs me to say ‘you’re welcome’ and ‘my pleasure’ frequently whenever someone thanks us. A recent early morning meeting with all my colleagues and bosses had me combine both and become ‘you’re pleasure’ to my boss. I wish nobody heard that

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#143

Not my goof, but a friends' huge brainfart: My friend and her sister had gone into an ice cream place. The woman behind the counter was extremely well endowed in the chest department and my friend just stood there staring at the woman while they waited their turn. Anyway, the woman finally got to them and asked what they wanted. My friend, with boobs on the brain, blurted out, "We'll take 2 double tits, I mean, 2 double-dip cones, please!". When she told me this, I just died laughing. Leave it to Beth to say something like this. She's always the one that sticks her foot in her mouth whenever she opens it. Still makes me laugh 25 yrs. later.

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#144

I'm a dog trainer, and every Tuesday and Wednesdays we have group class in the evening when it's dark out. I have two clients that have Goldendoodles that look exactly the same, and one of them showed up to group class. Both of the owners are females about the same height same color hair and look somewhat similar. So for the entire group class I mistaked one of my clients for the other client who also owns a Goldendoodle. And didn't realize till the end of group class that I had been calling her dog the wrong name all night because I thought it was my other client who already finished private lessons. I finally realized at the end of group class when she asked about our next private lesson that we had scheduled for later that week.

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#145

I worked two jobs at one point. One was at the local fire department in the office, and one was as a hostess at a Red Lobster. I was working at the restaurant on Mothers Day, and the lobby was packed. The fire marshal was in the lobby, just for dinner, not in a work capacity. The phone rings, and I rotely answer it "**** County Fire Department...". I realize what I've done, and hang up immediately, with the FM looking at me like I'm insane. So the phone rings again and I said to him, "It's for you". We both had a laugh.

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#146

I worked at a large video rental place back in the day where the associates would get bored quite frequently during the day shift. To cull this boredom we would make up porn names for popular movies. Eg: Dracula: Dead and Sucking It, Jurassic Pork, It's a Wiener-Filled Life, etc. So this elderly (over 70) woman comes in and after her transaction I handed her her video and promptly said: "Your copy of Black Cock Down is due back tomorrow at 11.". Yeah, I just let her think she was hearing things.

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Carmen Devore-Blakestad 1 year ago

It's a Wiener-Filled Life! I gotta remember that one when I get my next wiener dog.

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#147

Working in a restaurant, I bring a tray of sushi to a table. I make room on the table to place the tray by clearing the expresso cups aside, just to feel the astonished look on the customers who I had been serving before and who were ready to ask for the bill. Chin drop of the sushiman across the counter was priceless!

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Christi DeWalt 1 year ago

I'm sorry, what?

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#148

I answered the phone one day and this guy said he wanted to speak to my boss, Joe. I had to screen all calls and I didn't know the caller so I asked for his name and what it's in regards to. He said I'm Bill and I'm calling about Joe's organ. I couldn't speak for laughter for over 5 minutes. Bill knew it would crack me up....Joe needed to have his (as in Piano) organ tuned. All my very very conservative co-workers looked at me in horror as I was laughing so much I couldn't talk.

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#149

This happened years ago, when I was with a work gang on a large building site. After work we'd stop by the local liquor store and pick up a couple of cases of beer, then go back to the apartment we shared and relax.
On this occasion It had been a long day and we were all tired; one of the guys was a druggie and he had that on his mind when he went into the liquor store. So he went in and asked for five grams of hash.
He got a glassy stare from the guy behind the counter; realized what he'd said and corrected himself...
"Umm, TWO grams of hash!"
Then realized he still wasn't getting the order right and asked finally for two cases of beer.
"That we can help you with," the attendant said, straight-faced. I guess they get some pretty odd requests at times.

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#150

I went to Walmart and it was about 4:30- 5:00 am and the guy handed me my receipt and I said thank you come again

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#151

i was looking for a place to sell some books. so out of curiosity i went into barns an nobles (sorry if that's not spelled right) i went up to some one working there and my brain shut off, instead of asking if i can sell books to them i asked "do you sell books here?" she looked at me like i was the dumbest person on earth but answered yes.

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#152

I used to work for a call centre that gave out transport information. A blind man called one day and asked for directions to a major train station. I gave him the directions the best I could, and at one point, I said "and you'll see the station right in front of you".

I don't know if he noticed, but if he did, he didn't mention it, while I was mentally saying "oh god, did he notice that?"

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#153

I was working for a major airline at the departure gate. It was pretty quiet. A friend and I were watching contestants for a beauty contest walk by, sashes on, to another gate. Just like in real life, some were prettier than others. My friend said something about one's appearance. Something like "Look at Miss Wyoming", to which I responded "No wonder they never win". The customer that had just walked up glared at me while telling me "That's my daughter"

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#154

In undergrad I worked the switch board at my college during the week and had to answer D_ College good afternoon (morning etc...) How may I direct your call. On the weekends I worked at a family owned grocery store and had to answer Good afternoon Park & Shop This is Ann How may I help you? well every so often I would start to mess up but one time I had been really busy on the service desk and answered the phone D_College Park & Shop this is Ann... and then I was like ummmm.. The owner was on the other end and he chuckled and said trying to rename my store? Later that night when he came in to close he asked if I knew where I was.

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#155

My friend's dad was ordering some dinner from a pizza place over the phone. His wife had told him what to order before he made the call. Towards the end, I heard him say "and that cheese stuff, ah, whatever it is..."

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#156

I am from Singapore and had moved to Myanmar for work for a year. One time, I had lost my passport and had to call the embassy for help, the lady asked me ‘where am I’ and I replied ‘In office’ feeling puzzled, she did called during office hours. There was a long pause over the phone and my colleagues bursted into laughter, then did I realised she was asking if I was still in Myanmar...

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#157

Not a work fail but while writing a very important paper i wrote what people take for grunted instead of granted and wrote the wrong name on it

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#158

My husband and I went to a small casino to see a boxing fight. He got excited about something and yelled "Mama!" from 10 feet away. I turned red and then burst out laughing. You can tell how often we go out....

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#159

I've NEVER told this story... About 15yrs ago, on the 3rd morning of a new job, I noticed my boss, who was training me, chatting with this super adorable guy (he worked overnights) for the second morning in a row. We weren't introduced, so after he left I asked my boss "Who's the crazy cute boy on overnights?" She looked at me with a blank stare, obviously confused. After what felt like an ion, she blinked as it clicked in and replied "That's Anna, one of our shift managers and the office manager's daughter." I was so so mortified, and felt my face burn like a well skelped arse. My immediate response when I'm scared/nervous/super embarrassed is to laugh, hard and loud. Now snorting and nearly pissing myself, my boss finally said, "You're going to fit in just fine here," then turned to help a customer like nothing ever happened. (Thanks to this little life lesson, I have never assumed someone's gender again).

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#160

I don’t go to work but when I was in pre-k, the teacher asked me what my name was and my mom’s phone number for safety. I said, “2+2=3 and my mom’s phone number is... oh look, William flooded the bathroom again.” Yes, I actually said that. I was stupid.

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#161

I use to work at Ace Hardware, we had to greet every customer that came in and answer the phone on the first ring or we would get into trouble, and make sure the popcorn was all bagged up and have no more then two customers in line.
so the line for answering the phone was "Good (morning, afternoon, evening) thank you for calling Montana Ace in (name of town) this is (name) how may I direct your call?" in which i would always mess up and say morning all day, even when it was closing time. but not only that, multiple times when i went to greet people who walked through the door, i would start saying the line that we had to say over the phone. I had even caught myself saying it on my personal phone plenty of times as well.
My personal opinion phone lines should only be a couple words long.... like (name of business) this is (name).
i even caught myself greeting people who had already been shopping for a while in the store, meaning to say "can i help you find anything?" and i would say "Welcome to Ace, Can i help you with anything". yup I'm all sorts of mixed up.

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#162

instead of calling me Aunty, both my nieces from other sides of the family call me Grandma.

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#163

I worked on a cruise ship out of Miami, FL in the early 90s. We would get bored welcoming passengers onto the ship. A friend of mine from Scotland used to say, "I'm going to slap yer dish ya smelly goon." We decided to use that as our greeting, sort of. We would say, "Goon afternoon. Welcome, I'm bored." Instead of, good afternoon. Welcome aboard. I accidentally looked at a passenger and said, "Goon afternoon. I'm bored." Oops! My Scottish friend and I busted up laughing.

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#164

So I've worked at a hotel for about a year now and just started volunteering at a hospital since I'm almost done with medical school. This one particular day they had me answering phones at the nurses desk that connected to the patient rooms. I don't know how many times I had to stop myself from saying (hotel name ) this is Jenna, how may I help you?

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#165

Once I had a meeting with a very high level professor. At the end of the meeting, she told to me "It was lovely to meet you". I wanted to respond "It was lovely meeting you too", instead I said to her "I love you too." Should've seen the look on her face.

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#166

One time I walked into a gas station with a friend, the cashier was apparently hitting on me and complimented my glasses. He said " hey those are nice glasses" I'm not good with people and being hit on. In my flustered state my only reply was "Thanks! They're men's. " and I walked away shaking my head. I cannot believe I said that.

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