40 Tweets So Good, They Got Posted On Twitter’s Instagram Account

Seems reasonable lol.

Lucky you are not sleeping with one of them.

Tut tut. He'll be fine.

Ouch, this hits so close to home

YES and then you both sound like constipated seals and can't stop laughing at that. God I miss that..

You just are.

Incredibly sweet and where is the hidden mic in my house?

And then I hit shuffle a million times trying to get the right song, but just tapping it is cheating

YES.

Two words: Reddit. Reddit. Three other words: Choose.

oh my, this still has me giggling!!

But what vegetables?

Why is this so accurate?

It would be awesome but the ending would be rather traumatic

TL;DR

That is so my mom an me :D Then I open the task manager, force quit the unresponsive program, and suddenly I am Hackerman.

I do that so my friends’ dogs don’t freak out barking. Skip straight to the joy part.

Just let her think her Grandson is a phone whisperer

Frankly, email providers are not totally relyable services, and chances are this mailbox sometimes received an email saying "If you do not respond within 30 days, we assume it is all right if we delete any emails older than six months". The idea is charming, but better use an offline archive with a second copy online. (This applies to anything important.)

My mum did too. Are our mum’s secretly related?

sorry, I was being mean cause I like you

I am not a morning person. I am also not a night or day person either lol.

Replace jeans with bras. Much worse.

You ever known when somebody has read WAY too many "New Yorker Recommends" books?

This doesn't go for just video calls either, lol.

That and "Buy 2 get 3"

I just.... xdfgvbhjkljlhubty and that's what my files are called.

The real answer is "Do you like onesies and breast pumps?"

She found herself a brony

Two different species of things

Luke warm is the temperature inside of a Taun-Taun on the ice planet Hoth (I’ll show myself out)

I’m with you there on the pizza rolls.

Yes. I have a dog daughter, a cat son and then four chicken daughters.

For some reason this makes me feel sad inside.

In hindsight, the tipping point may have been when they asked why I was out here and I responded, 'Just for the halibut.'

Accurate

Older brother pretended to be very careful about slicing off the crust part at the counter, held the bread part to my younger brother, said "How's that?" The 4yo younger bother approved. Older brother then just put the crust side face down on the PB&J sandwich. Little dumass never knew the difference. Wisdom, yo.

I am w h e e z i n g

Wish I had the guts to admit that sometimes.

And on the weekend? Why, a sleep marathon, of course!! 😁

Black lives matter. Charge police who murder black people.

I feel ya, Dude.

same

You have to talk to people you really like.

I agree but I think it maybe because of the sauce and meat. For penne the sauce and meat go inside the tube, for fettuccine the sauce just coats the pasta and for spirals the meat gets stuck between the the spirally bits etc.

I think you're my spirit animal!

No I do this and my bf keeps talking..

I don't mind if he doesn't party with my friends, as long as he's waiting for me to get home and lets me tell him all about it :)

I hate airport prices. When i was 15 my period started unexpectetly in a airport. I was alone, flying out to see my family and didnt have enough cash on me to buy airport tampons. I was so ashamed to walk around and find a women that could help me out. :(

My brain cells must be in the middle of a fight right now cause that s**t ain't been happening.

If you don't use them on Facebook your friends worry you're depressed or have laryngitis.

I cannot relate to this

Yet FIRST hitting BORED PANDAAAAAAA!

More like suede nectarines.

Working from home alone *gotta get an imaginary coworker to blame things on*

Get him to do your face routine on you.

EXACTLY how do moms not get this? We would rather wallow in an argument than admit defeat and apologize and hug.

At least its straight when I'm done!

OMFG I'M DYING

I love this!

thats what im like lol and i asked my friend if it was weird and he was like "no its just good manners and treating people right no matter what their job is."