Swearing is a common way for people to express their emotions and frustrations, but it can also be a source of conflict or discomfort in certain social and professional situations. For some individuals, swearing may be explicitly prohibited by their workplace, religious beliefs, or personal values. In these cases, finding alternative phrases or euphemisms can be a useful way to express oneself without risking offense or punishment.
I’m not allowed to swear so I say stuff like "freaking", "shoot" and most notably "fudgeknuckles" to avoid punishment. I’ve heard stuff like "frubida" and have recently adopted "shiitake" and I’m eager to hear what you say. I also wanted to find out what are the other alternatives people use, so I decided to ask the Bored Panda community: “What is the most ridiculous thing you say so you don’t swear?” Scroll down to see what the answers were.
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Sometimes, when I'm really pissed, I moo instead of swearing. Don't ask me why, I don't know either.
1. Mother-father
2. Dog farts
3. Got-dandruff-some-of-it-itches
4. Son of a biscuit
I would imagine someone swearing in medieval languages, like thou art a cookie or something.
fudge nuggets, gosh dang nabbit and shiitaki mudhrooms.
Dang that was supposed to say shiitaki mushrooms 🤣
Fekkin' is one of my favorites. That and "for the love of ballpoint pens".
One time I stubbed my toe in school and went "FFFFFF" and then slowly went "...fructose." The teacher was skeptical. I also really like bull-spit and just any medieval or creative curse, such as beaver dam and God Daniel it.
Idiotic brain-damaged booger pickin chicken butt! It’s one sentence.
"Monkeyface". Do you want to hear the evolution of why I say that? If not, too bad.
So, when I was little, I liked Spy Kids. The main character, Carmen, says "Oh, shiitake mushrooms" bc she can't curse. So I started saying it until my mom told me it was an actual curse word (oops).
My mom says "shmonks" when she's trying not to curse, which is a derivative of "shiitake mushrooms". So I started saying "monkeyface".And now when I stub my toe I scream:
‘Holy goodness!’, but the ‘monkeyface’ thing was cool for a while.
Dirty poodles. Worked in an animal shelter for a spell and also am certified in pet grooming. Ever try to groom a very dirty poodle?
This one was completed by accident... Wanted to say 'son of a b**ch' but it came out 'bunny snitches'. Now my go-to!
I just try to run out of momentum before I get to the swear words, so something like, "Dirty rotten lousy miserable pathetic excuse for a..." until I eventually give up.
I hug my dog instead of swearing. Don't ask why, I don't know.
aww! wish i can do that with my fish, but he a hungry boi and can bite, and tries to eat my hands. yet he de size of my thumb
Pants, shoes, and 'oh for the love of cheese and crackers'.
Holy guacamole!
I Also say "you! You foul loathsome evil little cockroach!" when someone makes me mad To quote Hermione granger
What in Cthulhu's name and H-E-Single Asgardian Hockey Stick.
Sweet Baby Pancakes is my "holy s**t." Also, "son of a motherless goat," which is from the Three Amigos.
You absolute- followed by any word you want. Examples are you absolute dishwasher, you absolute fridge, you absolute chicken-headed dog water. If you want actual swearwords substitutes I’m not that helpful since almost everyone just uses the actual word here.
Not really bizarre, but I say ‘What the Fred’ and ‘Holy Sharon’.
"Frickadoodle"
One time I stubbed my toe in school and went "FFFFFF" and then slowly went "...fructose." The teacher was skeptical. I also really like bull-spit and just any medieval or creative curse, such as beaver dam and God Daniel it.
I growl deeply. I dunno why, but I do it all the time. They aren't quiet little growls either.
My poor throat. . .
I´m doing this since my childhood - since my parents banned swearing :D
Oh balderdash!
"Puppies and kittens!!!" and when that's not enough, "Puppies and kittens everywhere!".
I do this! Was always food but then stared watching A Nation an that's their word for zombies and it works well for just about any situation where cussing may be warranted lol. Confuses people too
Holy crepe
Came from my neighbors a few years ago, was friends with their kid and they didn't like it when I said c**p around them, so it became carp and then eventually crepe
Well Spit
Fluff
Where didn't you learn how to drive
Go cuddle a cactus
"WHERE *DIDN'T* YOU LEARN HOW TO DRIVE" OHMY LORD THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER
Ahh, Fudgesicles, and Lollipops!
Not sure how my brain came up with it but it works.
MotherHell
Rocks!!!!
Ah I see a man of culture as well. Does anyone else know where it's from XD
"Blort." A substitute for all the swear words.
Blort!
Holy blort!
What a blort!
I randomly came up with it when I was 10-ish and I still say it :P
Trying to teach my kids not to swear, my youngest son decided to just use that word literally. He looks you dead in the eye and says “swearword”
What the chocolate fudge!
I was once reading a very old book where, instead of cursing they used the expression "¡Cáscaras!" (Shells, in English - like those from peanuts-). And it got deep rooted in my brain. Now I say "¡Cáscaras!" Whenever I try not to curse.
Son of a motherless baconator is my favorite one
Racka-frackin’ filibunkin' bortin'.
No one can curse without swearing like Yosemite Sam!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWYFxekoAsM
Sometimes i also strat bleeping, like r2 d2. He had a seriously filthy mouth. Bleeped everything he says
Instead of m*****f****** I choose instead to say MOTHER NATURE
I either switch to Spanish or say either piss, cheeky, flying monkey, and hint at the bad word (ex: ahh mother-! Or sonofa-)
Yup, I switch to German; here in the U.S. And when I am in the German speaking parts of Europe I switch to what an Albanian construction worker once yelled after us (in my teenage years) when we stole his beer. And yes, I do remember it to this day, because I used it so often since, but to this day I have no idea what it means.
What The Fazuli? or any Ice Cream flavor that comes to mind e.g. Why in the Mint Chocolate Chip would you do that?
Bullgarbage
Shooty la marde. Dagnabbit!
Not me, I live by the "Swearing is good for you" camp, but my dad does an angry drawn out "G*d bless Armenia." Instead of G*d D*mn it
(Notes, some religions protest writing the name of the lord and I try to respect them, hence the self censorship)
Whistle.
My husband learnt it, if I'm whistling, I'm not in agood mood, I'm too mad to be asked if or why I'm angry.
In 5-15 minutes of whistling, it calms me down too.
Golly whing-whang
Shish kebab
Bullfeathers, bullcrud
Fumbling, flying
Motherflipper
Christ on a Cracker!
Oh wait....that's still cussing, isn't it?
Pooper scooper!!
How is saying Jesus Christ or Christ still cussing? I said it in work one day and someone cubicles yonder was like "Whoa. Language."
Pinfeathers and gollyfluff!
Source:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3fyC0MkdtI
I say, "what the heek are you mother flowers doing!"
I've said this when the little kids at school are too loud and obnoxious.
Two that I picked up from my husband.
Son of a Biscuit.
And
Mother Puss Bucket.
but since I've been living in the South, "Bless their heart" has come into my vocabulary.
Yes! Bless their heart is one of my top cusses now (thank you Celia Rivenbark)
i say " holy air fryer!"
i say this:
wHy In ThE hAm sAnDwIcH wOuLd U dO tHaT???
and
what the cheesy potato skins are u doing?
Furgermurger!
Dipped (This one gets shouted to bad drivers. They can't hear me but I still say it.)
Frack.
I watched too much Battlestar Galactica.
Booger snot when you forget something or something is not cooperating
I go with zark, because usually the person I'm arguing with hasn't read The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy.
“Barstools”. “Oh fffff”. “Sugar”. “You little scumble” if it’s a cat I’m cross with. “You little buglers”, again to the cats.
Heckity heck is my favorite, although I also like frick, sometimes I say carp instead of crap, I call people muffinbutts and it’s really fun for some reason… holey jeans, etc etc
Whenever something is starting to go bad I try to stay positive but when I can’t I just go straight to “well… heck”
DUCK YOU!
(or i just start squealing because i have a broken brain)
“Cheese!”
Anything in this list with a & after the word means that I don't know if it counts or not.
Sh** = Crap& or Scheisse (Sh** in German)
He** = Heck (Duh)
F-Word = Frigg&
Also stuff like
"shEEEEEEEEEEEOUOUOUTTT
Fut the wuck.
Fudge nuggets.
(My "go to" used to be the F-Bomb.)
I say chupacabra... And no, I don't know why.
instead of calling someone a b***h I call them a piece of bread. My parents still don't know that's what it means.
Very frequently use things like "shoot" "heck" "dang", but I got my more unusual one from a couple of my favorite clean YouTube channels. Both DanTDM and J from the SuperCarlinBrothers just use "BUTTS!!" as a replacement for swearing. So now I say it all the time 🍑
Once hit my knee at work, started to yell sh.. and then changed midword to shinanigans so I wouldn't get in trouble. Stuck with me. Also use Good Gravy and gurgle shmurgle from the movie Black Cauldren.
Holy Christmas!
I say “holy cats!” Or “for the love of everything pink and purple polka dotted!!”.
Oh fiddlesticks, diddley dang it, Sheeshkabob, You Marshmallow of Satan,
Sometimes I just scream, beep, and make weird sounds too. I have no idea where marshmallows of Satan came from, to be honest.
I should probably explain the Marshmallows of Satan since I remembered. I was sitting by a fire, eating marshmallows when my friend compared me to the devil. So I shouted the first thing that came to mind. YOU MARSHMELLOW OF SATAN. I still use it to this day. My friend still teases me to this day.
Oh my gods, schist, do immortales, γαμώ(the f word in Greek), and gods of Olympus. Yeah I’m a pjo fan if y’all couldn’t tell.
Can’t forget the good ol’ dam. Lmfao. Only pjo fans will get that reference. -__-
“What in the holiness of chicken nuggets” “Freaking Mare” “FRICK” “Shoot” “Crop” “Hoover Dam”
Not ridiculous per se, but sometimes I start today sh!t, and jut end up going shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
For the love of Peter, Paul, and Mary; Jiminy Christmas; What the H. E. Double Hockey Stick
"Argh! BIG FLAMING PANTALOONS!". Don't ask me why. Blurted it out accidently years ago and it just...stuck.
I turn i to Ned Flanders and say Diddily Darn
I have three cats. Since the lockdown, whenever I get mad, I hiss.
What the “flying fudge” is that? Or I don’t give a “flying fudge”
And since I couldn’t add a photo, here is a link
https://www.redbubble.com/i/kids-t-shirt/What-the-FLYING-FUDGE-by-Herefor1reason/31435022.MZ153
"mother-fluffer" and 'razzum-frazum' are my go to's.
My mother came up with chicken f--------, thinking it was less offensive than m-------- f-----. I can't say whether it was, but I laughed whenever she used it.
Son of a dog
Frick you
F**k f**k f**k fecky f**k
dangnabbit
Holy cheese
Note- It may be censored but it was not a swear word (technically)
Add on common things like: what on the chicken nuggets?! For the frickity fracks sake!
Add on common things like: what on the chicken nuggets?! For the frickity fracks sake!
Crud monkeys
Holy Cats
Blasted or Blast it depending on the grammar required
"Fiddlesticks"
"N'Luuura" (that is from a book series, same meaning as hell)
"Fuzz and fluffles"
"Fek"
"Rude!"
Son of a nutcracker, Oh my goodie goodie gumdrops, bang dang it Micheal (I don’t even know who Micheal is) and Fiddlesticks.
Fudge-cracken-pots. Altogether just as it sounds. I also had a friend years ago from Spain and she would always say "bananas", it was lovely with her accent. It has been 12 years and I still say it because of her.
S***= shoot or crap
F***= freak/freaking
A**holea**wipe= ozweepay (it’s from an old Saturday night live skit; search it up!)
Long time ago I knew a sweet little old lady whose favoured curse word was phenyle!
Myself, I tend to use thiiiiiit!
Go eat spaghetti out of a shoe!
Krum, mother trucker
oh ffffuuuuun times!
Fart-Nugget, Son-of-a-biscut-eater, Fart a Dart, poop nugget, GOD!.....bless America
i remember when i was a smol boi i had just heard the word b*********y (disgusting right) so i was getting mad at the homework i had so i loudly screamed B********Y i had no idea wat it meant but i was still grounded for a week lol
I saw "Crap doodles" a lot. I honestly like it more than swearing. I still swear a lot, but Ive been able to rein it in more by saying that lol.
I have quite a few. Some of them...
Sweet serendipity doo daw day!
Fudge knuckers!
Frog's breath!
Achalavida!
Dag nabbit!
Darn tootin!
it wasn't me, but I heard a lady in the store say " I'm fed up with your shhenanigans" haha good catch lady
what the frick frack diddily dack patty whack snick snack crack pack crackerjack train track quarterback biofeedback thumb tack tic-tac just happened?
Ay! I use this!! but I usually use it when I stub my toe or something, cause as I get to the middle of it, I start to laugh and it helps a little with the pain. Gets me distracted
Too many! I have the classics (frick, heck...) but then there's "holy carp", "holy crudbuckets", "frackdiddlydumptious", "fudgeknuckles", "fudge nuggests", "son of a biscuit", "what the actual flippers", "bullsheepgoatpoop" (don't ask), "oh chiz", "holy cheeseburger", and way too many more...
Usually i just say the first letter or say flip or dang or something like that
i say:
aiefjowjweifjaoeifj;aeiofj;eoifja;eoif
Several years ago I started saying "Holy Christmas Trees". Now my adult children say it, too!
Somebody forgot to chlorinate the gene pool again, and I'll bet the Jack that aired you is proud today!
No poo Poirot
not me but my friend
she says “what the pudding”
which i think is quite cute
"Mickey fricky"
I watched a TV edited version of Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing when I was young. Every time a character said MF, it was edited as mickey fricky. So, to this day, that's what I use when it's inappropriate to curse.
I cuss like a kindergarten teacher on a break, but I am trying so hard to not say GD or JC. Don't ask. I know it makes no sense, but anyway, instead I say Gee-Hay-Zues. I have no idea how I came up with that or what, but it helps. IF I try not to cuss it's usually, Son of a Busicut, or Friggin, or Son of a Beach.
I worked for the government for a while and had to talk to people in the phone all day long, I developed the habit of saying “oh my goodness gracious” instead of “oh ffs!”
Also I have a habit of saying “Christ in a Cream Cheese Sauce” instead of the “f-word”- from a book I read as a teen!
In Germany we say „Scheibenkleister“, which roughly translates to „windowpane glue“
For the love of all things Holy, For the love of guns and ammo (when I am really mad), What the what, Audit you, What the actual idiotic foolery, I hope your pizza is always soggy, Litter lover (no idea where that one came from)
What the chiz??? 😡
Holy chiz- 😳
Oh chiz… 😒
Like “cheese” but fun to say. And it’s not “ch eye z” it’s “ch is z”
Also when insulting I say
You buttface!! 😤
Oh, don’t be a buttface. 🙄
Mother Butler. I heard Melissa McCarthy say it in her Spy movie and it made me laugh. I've used it since then.
When my daughter was young: I’m going to kick your donkey! AND “Shiit”ake mushrooms. To this day - I’m 50 & she’s 26 - we say this regardless of where we are or who we’re talking to/about. Crazy LOL
Son of a monkey’s butt.
You freaking android! You son of a toaster! Oh my guacamole! Well darn and drats!
When We ( hubby and myself) found out i was pregnant we made pizza our swearword
So we got used to it and now we dont swear in front of our kid
So pizza
bum flaps Bianca
I swear🙂
Planker (Wa**) Prit-Stick (Prick), Door K**b, Flosser (Toss**), Custard (Bas**), Twix (Tw*t)
Also love the ones from Upstart Crow like Bastable and Bollingbrookes :)
I say the name of a place in Scotland, Ecclefechan, because when you say it with feeling it sounds just like a swear word.
Oh, Ecclefechan.......!!!!
Same. XD I swear up a blue streak. My only exceptions are when small children are close enough to hear me - I'll switch to "heck" or "darn" if I mentally catch myself in time. Otherwise, swear words are just words. Acting like they're some kind of FORBIDDEN!!!! thing is stupid.
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Evidently I'm not supposed to teach other people's children swear words during their English class.
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Same. XD I swear up a blue streak. My only exceptions are when small children are close enough to hear me - I'll switch to "heck" or "darn" if I mentally catch myself in time. Otherwise, swear words are just words. Acting like they're some kind of FORBIDDEN!!!! thing is stupid.
Load More Replies... Evidently I'm not supposed to teach other people's children swear words during their English class.
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