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There is no greater fear than seeing the setup for a truly atrocious pun and then seeing a dad grin and proceed to make the most heinous joke you have heard all year. But love it or hate it, the “dad joke” is a mainstay of internet humor.
This Instagram page gathers and shares memes about fatherhood and “dad jokes” that perfectly encapsulate what being a parent is really like. So get comfortable, get a chair first, upvote your favorite (or least groan-worthy) posts, and share your thoughts and observations in the comments section below.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Chintan Shah 2 years ago
I'll lay with you... Over a short wide plate.. as they layer chips and toppings over us and we can be in heaven... I'll see myself out now
iBlank 2 years ago
don't worry, the burn from the hot nacho cheese is temporary. Just spread a little sour cream on there, it'll clear right up
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Moosy Girl 2 years ago
I make my nachos like a lasagna… in a casserole dish, 3 layers, each with toppings and cheese, nacho lasagna.
Shetland Tony 2 years ago
Isn't it obvious? They don't do it that way as it would cost more...
KindnessMatters 2 years ago
A restaurant I worked at made them on flat tostada tortillas like pizza- beans, cheese, jalapeno, just like a pizza then cut them into triangles after theyre cooked. Perfect ratio. Why aren't more nachos made like pizza?!
RELATED:
#2
While the original dad jokes are no doubt as old as time, the first recorded instance of the term “dad joke” comes from the Gettysburg Times (a very “Dad” sounding newspaper,) which in 1987 wrote, “Don't ban the 'Dad' jokes; preserve and revere them." Evidently, someone in that Pennsylvania town’s community had enough of horrible puns.
This is partially because, unlike traditional humor, dad jokes seem to exist only for the dad to enjoy. If anything, they might only feel that the joke landed if they managed to evoke a groan or eye-roll from their spouse or offspring.
#3
Glenn Schroeder 2 years ago
My grandfather could always find things that needed to be done outside when his sister-in-law was visiting. It was years later before I figured out that he just didn't like her.
Dr Robert Neville 2 years ago
I used to but COVID put a stop to it. The police used to stop me and tell me to go home (this was at night, WFH during the day). I love that the police and security guards think someone with alternative looks is "up to no good". If I wanted to do nefarious deeds I'd try and look nondescript so you can't identify me, not many people out there with pink and blue mohawks.
KindnessMatters 2 years ago
Right?! My two best friends, (one male, one female), have tattoos all over and piercings, she has purple hair. I always tell people criminals aren't going to have tons of unique identifying marks literally attached to their bodies and I'm more of a threat as a nondescript blonde haired, blue eyed female w no distinguishing features.... I think that argument helps some ppl reduce their prejudice against those *alternative* looks. (Tho I prob made people more wary of me 🤣)
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#5
Chihuahua Mama 2 years ago
I like to think he gave up drinking toilet water. Changed his life!
iBlank 2 years ago
really he just makes drinking toilet water look more sophisticated now. Probably uses a martini glass
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In this sense, a perfect dad joke is a balancing act, between making something so dumb and simplistic that it’s a chore to hear, but still registers are an attempt at humor. It should be unexpected not because the dad has some clever punch-line setup, but because what the dad says is so cosmically dumb, that a regular person wouldn’t even consider it for a second.
#6
TheGoodBoi 2 years ago
I couldn't do this with my child. Once everything gets quiet, it means something evil is in the works...
Spittnimage 2 years ago
When my daughter got home from Head Start I'd have her lay down with me (she got lunch at school). She'd complain she didn't wanna take a nap and I told her just lay here with me until I fall asleep then you can get up. She always beat me to sleep :)
Pewpie Diaper 2 years ago
She's just playing the long con until she's old enough to want to do certain things that can only be done while dad is napping.
Goose of the Ahonkalypse 2 years ago (edited)
Like that time I invented the game "sleeping llamas" with my son so I could get a nap.
Raumpfleger 2 years ago
You will know when you finally get up to see what she "pretended" to do around the house!
Kathryn Englund 2 years ago
As a teen, babysitting, the kids I was watching always wanted to play "rock". Amazing concept.
#7
Jaya 2 years ago (edited)
Great, now I have Cats in the Cradle stuck in my head for the rest of the week. Edit: is it Cats or Cat's, should look that up sometime.
cecilia kilian 2 years ago
In the Harry Chapin version is "cat's", in the Ugly Kid Joe version, it is "cats". I don't think UKJ cares much about punctuation and grammar. I still prefer their version, even if I grew up with the Chapin one.
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Rob Williams 2 years ago
This reminds me of a conversation with my daughter. She knows I have a variety of painful conditions and says that I can tell my grandchildren not to sit on my knee as they are getting bigger. I refused saying that they would grow out of wanting to sit with me soon enough. She said "How do you know that?" and the simple reply is "you did..."
Herringbone 2 years ago
This is truth. When mine were little I sang them to sleep at night, because they asked. When asked why I did it, I replied, "One day, they won't ask any more."
Dr Robert Neville 2 years ago (edited)
My dad, god love him tried but we had nothing in common. We eventually bonded when I bought my first property and he could teach me things (DIY, he was a plumber). At least we became friends before he died.
Mikey Kliss 2 years ago
I always hated catch as a kid. My son loves it and it makes me happy to play with him
Say No to Downvoting 2 years ago
I hate these guilt trippy platitudes. I’m not living in the future days, I’m living in the now and I need to clean the kitchen now or possums are going to move in.
Bewarethere@gmail.com 2 years ago
I played with my kid but I sure wish I'd with him more. Although I did teach him how to play poker so that's a win my book. 😉
#8
Rinso the Red 2 years ago
I find just adding the word "the" before anything is enough. "Did you find that on the Google?"
Goose of the Ahonkalypse 2 years ago
My mother unironically does this sort of thing with my son. But it is hilarious to annoy him with this type of humor on occasion.
Evelien Stijger Martens 2 years ago
I stil hate it when people think their funny saying things the rong way and even more when they think their funny.
Many dad jokes also rely on puns, the worse and more stretched, the better. Remember, the discomfort of the audience is the goal, not laughter. A topical example is as follows, “Question: What do a bed bug and the Eiffel Tower have in common? Answer: They're both Paris sites.” This is a great litmus test to see if you are prepared for fatherhood.
#9
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
In fairness, as an MD, when my hubby ignores my adivce about his health....
SadieCat17 (she/her) 2 years ago
Share in the replies if you're the problem or the I said so person, I need to see the stats
Printerman 2 years ago
...and you cry happy tears because you know in your heart that she's right.
#10
Who knows? 2 years ago (edited)
Jail…. Jail is the place where that kid is going 🤣
Load More Replies... cerinamroth 2 years ago
Kids cope so well with language differences. I am multilingual myself and remember an early work experience placement abroad (Germany) in a kindergarten when I barely spoke any German. One of the kids said the word "Schornstein", which I didn't know at the time, and when I didn't know what it was, they drew me a picture of a house with a big chimney on it and pointed to the chimney. Such patient, imaginative, wonderful beings. If somewhat loud.
#11
Puns, for all the harm they may do to some of our brain cells, have been around since the dawn of civilization. Like with so many things, we can thank the ancient Egyptians for the idea of similar sounds being used together to create new meanings. However, instead of using them as jokes, Egyptians saw them as conveying mythological and divine power. So in a sense, Egyptian puns and modern dad jokes both could be a curse to the rest of us.
#12
Goose of the Ahonkalypse 2 years ago
My 75 year old father does this now. It's how I imagine purgatory feels.
Spittnimage 2 years ago
When OP said 75 hour story I thought she was talking about Obama's memoir.
#13
River wolf (she/her) 2 years ago
But if you’re on here, you’re too old to do it and not get in trouble.
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Me. Just Me. 2 years ago
When I was in school, I let go of the monkey bars and split my knee open on the bed of sharp rocks that was the "surface". Then the teacher told me to go to the clinic to get a bandaid. Not with her, by myself. I literally left a trail of blood drops across the school since the clinic was literally on the opposite side of the school from the playground. It's a different world.
Paul Gerrard 2 years ago
In my day blood and injury was a sign it was a fun event. Soon kids will be pushed in wheelchairs around the playground
keyboardtek 2 years ago
Getting hurt doing something either teaches you how to do it better, how not to do it, or that you should never try anything that stupid again.
Steve Robert 2 years ago
I wonder how many of of us have tiny scars above our foreheads from running into the corner of the coffee table when we were three years old?
There are examples of puns in everything from ancient China to Mesopotamia and even Mayan records. This makes sense when you realize that, love them or hate them, human civilization needs fathers to continue. Thus, like a parasitic organism, the dad joke has been passed down through the ages to infect one generation after another.
#15
Chickie 2 years ago
My kids thought I had eyes in the back of my head...doing the dishes and watching them in the reflection of the window. When I told them to stop doing what they were doing, they looked at each other in amazement mixed with horror...
ILoveMySon 2 years ago
My son actually combed through my hair seeking eyes.😂
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#16
the harbinger of doom (she/he) 2 years ago
*takes notes* my cousin is gonna be real confused in 10 years!
Gracie Lou 2 years ago
My youngest was premature and spent a couple months in an incubator. Her older siblings wanted to use the pictures we have from that time to convince her she's an alien that the incubator was her spaceship.
#17
Marcos Valencia 2 years ago
I have a 6 yo daughter... and it's difficult to resist to the emotional attacks. Like when I try to speak seriously to her and she goes "I love you, dad". WTH?
Red_panda 2 years ago
I explained it my kids like this: my three priorities are your safety, health, and happiness. IN THAT ORDER. It doesn't matter how happy you are if you are dead or sick. And it doesn't matter how healthy you are if you are dead. I can't be your friend, because a friends job is to make us happy.
The Problem With Censorship Is ******* 2 years ago
Not sure you will see this as it's such a late reaction, but that is so damn well said.
Load More Replies... Mila Preradović 2 years ago
After dinner? Ammateur. When my husband and daughter go somewhere without me, I hear them conspire about eating ice cream BEFORE dinner :o
RajunCajun 2 years ago
I walked up behind my 9 yo daughter telling her 7 yo brother, you need to cry more to get what you want.
Captain Awesome 2 years ago
Emotional attacks don't work when you have the emotional depth of a thimble
At a certain level, dads begin to compete with each other to create the ultimate groan-worthy joke. Given that there are probably more dads than ever before in human history, this has perhaps led to a sort of dad-joke escalation, where constant competition improves the performance of all dads, much to the rest of the population’s dismay.
#18
River wolf (she/her) 2 years ago
You throw beanbags into a hole on a slightly angled board… 90385CD1-E...2-jpeg.jpg 
Dead Man Talking 2 years ago
It's called Bean Bag Toss. Cornhole is what they do to you in prison if you don't stand up for yourself.
Shelly Graham 2 years ago
The same question, what is Cornhole? Because what comes to mind isn't anything you'd be doing in public at a family picnic!
#19
SilverSkyCloud 2 years ago
turning the stars into a helter-skelter and using the mattress as the sack
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#20
Marcos Valencia 2 years ago
Probably because with a dominatrix you can decide when to stop the game.
iBlank 2 years ago
husband: "unicorn, unicorn, UNICORN" wife: "why do you keep saying that?" husband: "I thought that was the safe word"
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Cyber Returns 2 years ago
With a dominatrix, you set the safe word. In a marriage, there is no safe word
Sue User 2 years ago
They dont fit in the cupboard correctly if you fold them in half, etc instead of folding in thirds.
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Of course, parenthood doesn’t just make dads masters of horrible puns and jokes, it is a huge learning moment. Besides parenting for the first time, being a dad allows an adult to re-see much of the world through the eyes of their offspring. And, surprise, surprise, it’s a good way to see just how many things sort of don’t make sense. For example, why are burgers getting higher and higher when the average human bite has remained static for years?
#21
Gia SDP 2 years ago
It's me with my granddaughter, except there are also toys all over my lap and chair.
Eric Williams 2 years ago
I'm not going to say what I'm thinking about this. This is me not saying anything! @#%!&*!!
afia kooma 2 years ago
Im curious to when they will say " this looks rediculous, nobody can waste a full business day anymore and nobody belives god himself told me I was king. How bout we drop it"
#22
HTakeover 2 years ago
That's one of those universal phrases that all kids seem to come up with on their own, even in other languages. Nobody taught them that specific combination of words, yet they all use it. Just one of the fun things about linguistics.
Terry Tobias 2 years ago
Support for Jung's theory of a collective unconscious: kids from opposite sides of the world whining "Mom, he's touching me!"
Load More Replies... Chihuahua Mama 2 years ago
"Yes, we're there now, but instead of stopping, we are just going to continue driving around for another little while"
Jennifer Biness 2 years ago
I swear all kids learn this question from their grandparents, who are trying to get back at their now-grown kids for asking this constantly, who learned it from their grandparents....
Pursuing Peonies 2 years ago
On a boring serious note, I wonder if it's because they can't see out the windows very well so they don't really know how far they've travelled
ConstantlyJon 2 years ago (edited)
A comedian I listen to has a bit on this topic. "Yeah I like to get somewhere and just keep going. Just get in the car, arrive, and then keep driving."
#23
Daddy’s Girl 2 years ago
I actually loved this and I’m going to tell it to a friend who is an expert on dad jokes
BPisaddictive 2 years ago
Actually at least in Napoli, that's where I'm from, the 🤌gesture means exclusively What do you want? But I understand it is used as a reference to the italian habit to gesticulate while talking and it's funny
Indeed, the less egregious variants of “dad humor” mostly come from attempting to explain things to curious kids, often with mixed results. On the one hand, adults do have a lot of knowledge and experience, on the other, how exactly do you explain the concept of death or a star to a five-year-old without revealing that you have a pretty limited understanding as well?
#24
Thrillion 2 years ago
We call it "road food" and yes its for improving the mood of everyone because its not just kids that get testy cramped together.
Chewie Baron 2 years ago
I will buy snacks, sandwiches, drinks and sweeties for most train journeys. Even if it’s only 20 minutes.
BPisaddictive 2 years ago
My sister and I call them goods of first necessity, so nodoby knows that we are going to buy chocolate, cookies etc when leaving for a trip (63 and 61 yo)
Goose of the Ahonkalypse 2 years ago
$100 buys four KitKats now. Not even the king sized ones.
Daddy’s Girl 2 years ago
I drove CA to MA several times and my dashboard always look like 7-Eleven
Mediocre Genius 2 years ago
I never buy Pringles but on a road trip they are a must for some reason.
#25
Vinay Pai 2 years ago
On a side note, if that's your real pic, and your wife is so much better looking than you, I'm trying to imagine......
TheAmericanAmerican 2 years ago
Yea I've got a feeling that Tanner stole this one.
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Omima mimi miki 2 years ago
HAHAHA im a half breed so once i went shopping with my father - same happened to me ... I was like dad does this mean i have to pay or....
#26
Rocky Horror Panda 2 years ago
The only way to improve that comment is if the baby was born on May 4.
BPisaddictive 2 years ago (edited)
Refers to ObiWan Kenobi from Star Wars saga. OB meaning obstetrician, the line about the only hope is also in the movie
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Ashley Marino 2 years ago
Once I left a DoorDash for a Juan and messaged him after drop off and said “you’re Juan in a million”
The regular response of many fathers is to simply make things up, perhaps most famously, the dad in “Calvin and Hobbes,” whose hair-brained explanations for curious Calvin work as a pretty effective punchline. Instead of rolling their eyes, true believers in “Dad humor” were no doubt taking notes.
#27
#28
Chihuahua Mama 2 years ago
It's to try and gain enough energy to get off the couch and make the trip to bed
#29
Joshua Moore 2 years ago
I used my Dad voice at a movie theater recently when a few teenagers behind us just wouldn't STFU and I finally had enough and I said in a stern voice "I don't know what you guys are doing back there, but would you knock it off, please and thank you." Someone else in the theater says "Yeah" Not a peep the rest of the movie.
cerinamroth 2 years ago
On behalf of civilised cinema-goers everywhere, thank you from the bottom of our hearts! You are a hero!
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Bols 2 years ago
Dad-voice is real and is kinda like a new super power you acquire when you level up :D But so is Mom-stare
Goose of the Ahonkalypse 2 years ago
Haha I told my son he'll be immune to basilisks because he's survived the Mom-stare.
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Thrillion 2 years ago
I have this power but with great power come great responsibility so I don't like using it. I would be happier if their mother would demand respect so I don't have to fight her battles. She likes bringing me in to do the dirt work but is all too happy to be the good guy when treats are granted.
Sans Serif (Sans) 2 years ago
I too have this power, Thrillion! I'm a big guy at 6'3" and have what people refer to as a 'radio announcers' voice. If I'm forced into full projection, I can echo through entire city block...
Load More Replies... TheGoodBoi 2 years ago
Pretty cool power to have. I think I unlocked it when my child came out of the womb. Always had a loud deepish voice, but it upgraded to have a bit of a growl in it. Had to use it once and it definitely perked up my wife and child's ears, followed immediately with a "sorry" 😅
Raumpfleger 2 years ago
Wish I could pull that off, but somehow I am able to scare every kid in the world into oblivion by just looking firm at them ... except my own, they laugh even harder when I try to be intimidating.
It’s often easier to appreciate dad moments and humor when there is a degree of separation. So if you are interested in more dad humor, Bored Panda has got you covered, check out our articles on “classic dad moves,” or perhaps peruse our list of memes that perfectly encapsulate the essence of fatherhood.
#30
Brenda 2 years ago
I've contemplated one of those. I want my kids to be strong now when they're little so I can put them to work when they're older. Living on a farm, you've gotta be strong. Especially when there's wood to split.
Mamza Paulse 2 years ago (edited)
Get it for them!!!!!. I got one when I was 8 it’s more than 5 years later mand me and my friends still love to bounce in it.
Load More Replies... Thrillion 2 years ago (edited)
If the formula for more stamina and endurance is exercise, making kids run out their energy is ensuring more in the future. I can't make my brother understand that making my kids do things to wear them out doesn't work, it gives them more energy. Calm.... promote calm behavior and they will learn to be calm. Also, when my kids do get tired, they don't slow down, instead they get delirious and irrational.
Noyfb noyfb 2 years ago
Isn’t this a perfect way to greatly increase their chance of fractures, knee injuries, concussions, broken teeth and black eyes??
#31
Brian Droste 2 years ago
In my text message area my text was a certain size font. Don't know what I did but next time I went to check my text and the text was bigger. Was like that for a long time. Than I again don't know what I did but then my font went smaller.
Dogcat vet (retired) 2 years ago
(Playing with setings and find out I already nearly had it on max...now its on max)
#32
Rocky Horror Panda 2 years ago
This kid should hereafter be in charge of naming/renaming everything.
Temporary Dork 2 years ago
Like the one who named a rhino a battle unicorn!
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Sleepy Panda 2 years ago
My nephew kept talking about the tiger horse after going to the zoo for the first time. He meant a tiger. But what an awesome description.
Brian Droste 2 years ago
If anybody remembers the episode of The Beverly Hillbillies where granny comes across a hippo and thinks it is a oversize pig.
Lene 2 years ago
Our oldest wanted to go back and see the gebau, whenever we'd been at the zoo. We thought it was a weird baby-way to say goat (we're in Denmark. Goat is called a ged, but a male goat is a gedebuk. We're on Funen where the dialect cuts off most soft d-sounds so a gedebuk could be ge-bau?) But we never went to pet the goats. She'd always get upset and say no, so my bf took it as a challenge and went through all the animals in the zoo. Manatee. Gebau is a manatee, in Danish it's called søko (sea cow). How the kid heard søko and called it a gebau is beyond me...
#33
Shelly Graham 2 years ago
My husband and son ALWAYS carried protein bars when they were with me because if I'd not eaten enough protein I became hypoglycemic! It wasn't pretty!
Dogcat vet (retired) 2 years ago
She just needed an industrial sized Snickers bar (US commercial)
#35
Bruce W. 2 years ago
My father says, "A******s breed a******s." And life has taught me that he's 100% right.
Elizabeth VanDyke 2 years ago
My personal favorite is....the turd doesn't fall far from the a$$hole.
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Michael Largey 2 years ago
The parents of some of my students were such d***s that their kids figured out at a very early age that they didn't want to be like that.
#36
TheGoodBoi 2 years ago
Does anyone get full off of chips? I feel like it goes into the ether except that bad side effects stay.. hmm
Dogcat vet (retired) 2 years ago
I bet it was Lays...'no one can eat just one' was an old ad for that brand
Alyssa Phillips 2 years ago
Mine says "get these away from me" after eating half the bag... apparently it's genetic because my mother and I do the same.
#37
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
probably your anniversary or her birthday. Suggest you put that s**t into your calendar reminder system.
Mila Preradović 2 years ago
Both my birthday and our anniversary are in September so I laughed a bit too hard at this one :D
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BPisaddictive 2 years ago
Beware... If it's NOT a birthday or anniversary and you flip out the spare present, it could even get worse...
#38
cerinamroth 2 years ago
Don't be a k**b. Get yourself in the kitchen and make some more to replace the ones you ate. It's not hard.
Noyfb noyfb 2 years ago
Wait … the kid has a birthday (which he/she may dread because of all the drama) … and the kid has to take treats to school for everybody?? That’s insane.
Lady Lava 2 years ago (edited)
In my country (The Netherlands) that's quite normal. On your birthday you take treats to school for all your classmates and the teacher. Some parents put in all of their creativity to make something homemade that looks awesome, others (like me) are more straightforward and practical in the choice for a treat.
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Belle Miles 2 years ago
I got tummy ache just from you saying "Hostess Cupcakes". My kids wont eat that.
#40
iBlank 2 years ago
just go to home depot and ask "do you have any of these in adult-size?"
Load More Replies... Steve Robert 2 years ago
The kidwasher. Put them in. Push the button. 20 minutes later they're ready for bed. Yeah that sounds right.
Fickle_Pickle 2 years ago
I literally laughed out loud at this and woke up two sleeping dogs beside me.
#41
Mikey Kliss 2 years ago
Agreed, the premise of this conversation is misleading
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#42
Delaney Proctor 2 years ago
Lol 😆 Because that's cheaper than an above ground pool from Walmart? They're 1st graders not college students. But really just imagine 25 6yos walking in with swimsuits and having to learn billiards on a table they can barely see over 😂🤣🤣 your way is the funnest for the parents though 🤔
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#43
Aboredpanda 2 years ago
More like "I like you so much I want to hang out with you as much as possible in the limited time we get on this earth"
Thenatural 2 years ago
That's where you went wrong...it's not "like" it's love ....and that lasts..
Pandasizing World Peace 2 years ago
59% of marriages end in divorce. The rest end in death. Just like 100% of all dating relationships end in breakups EXCEPT for that one that ends in marriage!
#44
Matt Mich 2 years ago
I always quote Homer when they say that to me, "Worst day of your life so far"
Load More Replies... Goose of the Ahonkalypse 2 years ago
It seems like everytime we go to a fun event and my kid gets cotton candy he's busy talking about how horrible his life is at bedtime. So idk if cotton candy triggers depression and an existential crisis for him or what because nobody should be that disappointed after a day of petting goats and picking out pumpkins.
Trillian 2 years ago
My kid when we get home after spending the day at the amusement park, going out to dinner and getting ice cream the minute we get home: What are we going to do today?
Omima mimi miki 2 years ago
THIS!!! should be at the top. EVERYTIME!! i give them so much in a day - slumber parties, money to got out with friends, dinner choice, i mean whatever they want and then when i say one little thing they can't do - it's like WORST DAY EVER! and annoys the help out of me..... i need a way to get bac at them but in a subtle cool way - help me BP
BPisaddictive 2 years ago
My sister. We could spend the whole day riding all the rides at the amusement park, but she was almost always in tears when leaving because she wanted another ride
#45
DeBedschbacher 2 years ago
I once got served an air -fried steak at a friend's house. I had pretty much the same look on my face. One of the best pieces of meat I've ever had.
Sans Serif (Sans) 2 years ago
Tangential comment but, I have deep fried steaks a few times and they turned out to be some of the juiciest I ever had!
#46
Susie Elle 2 years ago
I mean we've all been there, I remember laying out a strategy for defeating gym leader x to my mom for a solid 20 minutes until I was like yeah, that's how I'm gonna beat the gym leader and mom was just like *thumbs up*
SheamusFanFrom1987 2 years ago
Take a walk in the grass and walk directly in front of another trainer, c'mon. It's not Team Rocket science... XP
#47
iBlank 2 years ago
for me it was the die-cast metal transformers. I think they were actually designed for poking eyes out and probably coated in lead paint
Nova Cat 2 years ago
These modern ones just seem so wimpy to me. I miss my old ones very much, never should have let my parents get rid of them :(
Load More Replies... Chewie Baron 2 years ago
I don’t know why people want destruction proof homes etc, just get Fisher Price to make on of these full scale and nothing is getting through those walls.
Raumpfleger 2 years ago
How about this? https://playmobil.castle-toys.com/boy/playmobil-great-dragon-castle-4835/
#48
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
don't. Just let them naturally collapse from exhaustion on the couch at midnight. Then wake them at 6am with a siren sound from youtube (as in air raid siren). When they protest yell in your best military sergeant voice "WAKEUP WAKEUP IT'S SCHOOLTIME" even if it is sunday.
Julia Ford 2 years ago
No way -then you just have a very tired, cranky a*****e to deal with all day.
Load More Replies... afia kooma 2 years ago
"You grow when you sleep, and your brain to. So unless you want to be tiny and dumb you need to sleep. This is scientifically proven".
#49
Strahd Ivarius 2 years ago
of course he was not happy, the proper greeting would have been "welcome back half of you" (unless he married the same woman or her sister or her mother)
Pandasizing World Peace 2 years ago
How about the groom who dedicated the toast to his bride as 'to my first wife' ?!?
Kylie 2 years ago
My mum always referred to my stepdad as her "current husband" lol
Load More Replies... AMaureen Dance 2 years ago
And the entrance music ahould have been, 'Welcome Back, My Friends, To The shhow That Never Ends'
#50
Goose of the Ahonkalypse 2 years ago
This is right up there with jumping off roofs onto trampolines and lighting farts on fire as far as decisions go.
Darrell Graham 2 years ago
I would wrap my arms around my GFs waist put my hands on the side if her prego belly shake it up and down while saying HO HO HO
#51
Ryan Mercer 2 years ago
The park tickets are nonrefundable, and unless you paid extra, so is the lodging. Nevermind never hearing the end of it from your kids for literally the rest of your life. That's not a look of determination on his face. It's something different.
tameson 2 years ago (edited)
My family drove a 1,000 miles or more on trips many times, including to Orlando. It was fun. I realize there are people who think road trips are torture, but not my family. One summer my parents told us they didn't have enough money for a vacation. Then they surprised us with what was supposed to be just a weekend trip to Assateague Island. We didn't come home for a week. Just kept going somewhere else each day. We loved it.
General Anaesthesia 2 years ago
A thousand miles is 1,600 kilometers by bicycle and 1,600 kilometers by car.
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Sunshine Lady 2 years ago
Oh no! That's four times longer than our longest car trip with the kids. I couldn't wait for the trip to end.
matthew sawin 2 years ago
Ya, because waiting for the next flight would take less time. What a dumba$$
#53
#54
Alyssa Phillips 2 years ago
We pretended we were trick riders in a rodeo!! One foot on each, handstands with our feet around the chains, etc. It was amazing!
#58
Mila Preradović 2 years ago
...but you're welcome to drop by, we have a liquor cabinet. Or two.
RajunCajun 2 years ago
I would hang out with friends at very family friendly pubs. When my kid lost his first tooth, people cheered and started giving him money. he walked out that day with $100.
RajunCajun 2 years ago
I guess I should say, we were not strangers. We played trivia there every week, so everyone knew us.
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les 2 years ago
my niece hates chicken in pretty much anything yet she eats nuggets for nearly every meal, lol
Jared Robinson 2 years ago
That actually sound like a pretty healthy diet.Don't force her to over or under eat and your good.
Thrillion 2 years ago
This was a big issue in our house as we constantly insisted the kids keep eating (they are very skinny and don't eat much). Only recently did I realize that this could cause an eating disorder. We gave our 10 yo the freedom to eat whatever he wanted as long as he made it. The 6 yo is still learning and needs guidance on nutrition. It's been working well enough. Since its his choice, he has been eating more food.
Load More Replies... Glenn Schroeder 2 years ago
She should have known grandma was going to take the toddler's side.
Rocky Horror Panda 2 years ago (edited)
My Dad's favourite story to tell about my childhood eating habits was that I ate baby food until the age of two and after that my diet consisted primarily of hot dogs and Spaghetti-Os. 🤷🏼
#60
Natalie H 2 years ago
I can attest: Nothing wakes you up out of a dead sleep faster than hearing the footsteps of toddlers running loose through the house. Finally I figured out a solution. I tied a long string to the doorknob on my twins’ bedroom door, ran it into my bedroom and tied the other end to my big toe, so when they got up and opened their door, the string would pull on my toe and wake me up. No more waking up to the dog covered in butter or baby powder explosions! Lol
Tiny Dancer 2 years ago
I haven't slept a wink since my autistic toddler came running in to my bedroom singing "Happy Birthday" many moons ago. No one's birthday coming, I was momentarily confused. And then I smelled the smoke and broke the indoor track record from bedroom to kitchen to see flames coming out of my microwave. Seems the kid found my brilliant hiding place for the bag of the chips. You know, the bags made with that thin layer of foil inside. Yeah, they BURN in a micro. Almost 30 years later and the replacement micro is still going strong (GE).
Thrillion 2 years ago (edited)
My kids enter our bedroom like Kramer on Seinfeld almost every weekend. Imagine being woke up by someone body slamming the door while simultaneously turning the doorknob and then stubble into the room as the door swings violently open. I thought I'd get used to it but, gets me every dang time.
The Original Bruno 2 years ago
Not true at all. It takes astonishingly long to be bothered by the fact that someone is standing on your head and giggling.
#61
Goose of the Ahonkalypse 2 years ago
Yeah I pretty much quit enjoying cooking for a while because of this and my kid is not even picky. It's just a lot of work (labor of love really) and then the kid is like.....meh or hates it. Which is OK. It just does not spark joy. I'm now back to making an occasional gourmet meal for myself.
#62
#63
censorshipsucks 2 years ago (edited)
I tell my partner that when she doesnt finish her booze. DO YOU KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE IN AFRICA WHO DO NOT HAVE WINE?!?! what makes this extra funny is we are in africa.
CORGI QUEEN 2 years ago
More like DO YOU KNOW OUR NEIGHBORS DO NOT HAVE WINE
Load More Replies... BPisaddictive 2 years ago
Once I told my parents they were welcome to bring to Africa my unwanted food...
#64
TheAmericanAmerican 2 years ago (edited)
Wow... ever think of using the mop bucket???? Seriously people 🙄
Awesome At Being Autistic 2 years ago
Ugh, gross. Get a square bucket, you don't get splashback from those. And never invite me to your house for movie night.
Anon822209 2 years ago
Trash cans. The puke goes in one of the (emptied) bathroom trash cans. When the danger passes, lysol, rinse, and return to bathroom.
Gia SDP 2 years ago
Yuck. Bathroom basin (like you'd soak your feet in) is what we use for upchuck.
Sturgeon 2 years ago
Surely if you are in the bathroom you would use the toilet?
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Huddo's sister 2 years ago
We usually used one of the 5L ice cream buckets, but I don't think this is bad, you wash it in between.
#65
Sans Serif (Sans) 2 years ago
The proliferation of breweries has been a great option for families - we visit regularly and a good time is had by all!
cerinamroth 2 years ago
I wouldn't want to drink anywhere with ample parking! If I'm going out, I don't want half the pub to be sober - get your public transport sorted out! ;-)
#67
#69
sharyn turnicky 2 years ago
Terrifying is when they are in another room and it gets very quiet!,
#70
Rocky Horror Panda 2 years ago
Just sold my 12-cup Cuisinart because my Mom died last year and I don't drink the stuff.
#71
Tiny Dancer 2 years ago
The hair's cool, but the whale's adorable, so here it is: Tiny-Whale...9191df.jpg 
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Vir 2 years ago
I don't know what's happening lately. I used the app for 2 years now and never had problems but now a lot of posts just won't upload :`(
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Lisa Siess 2 years ago
Gabija Palsyte - most of your posts and your profile are broken links for app users.
J 2 years ago
Because many of us respect the hard work that parenting entails, and find children in general to be hilarious.
Load More Replies... Vir 2 years ago
I don't know what's happening lately. I used the app for 2 years now and never had problems but now a lot of posts just won't upload :`(
Load More Replies... Lisa Siess 2 years ago
Gabija Palsyte - most of your posts and your profile are broken links for app users.
J 2 years ago
Because many of us respect the hard work that parenting entails, and find children in general to be hilarious.
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