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From the moment you come into this world, there is this thing that happens around you that can sometimes be delightful but at times drives you crazy or leaves you completely baffled. You know, life. And if you find yourself in the middle of an experience that leaves you with more questions than answers, it’s absolutely okay to ask for advice.
Did you know that giving good advice is actually as much of an art (or science) as any other job? It’s not only about knowing things but also being able to find the right words of advice. But on the other hand, even after you have received the best piece of advice possible, it doesn’t automatically imply you are obliged to follow it.
It doesn’t matter how experienced the person giving advice is or how well they know you; if whatever they say you should do doesn’t sit right with you, you probably should follow your gut. And don’t even get me started on people who think they are authorized to share their life wisdom with you “just because,” even though the words “I need advice” have never left your lips.
Advice doesn’t always have to be serious or life-changing. Sometimes funny life advice about random situations is the best thing you need. There are a lot of unexpected things in life, and advice that not only makes you chuckle, but all of a sudden comes in handy is surely useful.
For this article, we have collected a bunch of funny quotes about life and pieces of advice for all sorts of situations. Which one do you find the most useful? If you have any funny words of wisdom to add to this collection, share them with us in the comments.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Surviving with style and a fork
Carry a fork with you. If someone tries to rob you, pull it out of your pocket and say, ‘thank you Lord for this meal I’m about to have’ and charge at them with the fork.
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#2
Fish you were kidding me
If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for one day. If you feed him to the fishes then he’ll never be hungry again.
Vix Spiderthrust 3 years ago
"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set him on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life." - Terry Pratchett
Serial Cat 3 years ago
Similar to how I heard it. "Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Give a man a poison fish, he'll eat for a lifetime".
Edegwarhe James Mercy 3 years ago
If you were fed to a fish, you wouldn't be giving such 'great advice'
Timbob 3 years ago
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Before was was was, was was is !
Chancey 3 years ago
Thank you!!! My kids get mad at me every time I say this.
Load More Replies...
Mike Loux 3 years ago
"And that man turned out to be...Luca Brasi...and now you know the rest of the story. I'm Paul Harvey...good day!"
Anette Lindholm 3 years ago
If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for one day. If you teach him how to fish, you can bang his wife every weekend
Erica Cochrane 3 years ago
reminds me of the terry pratchett version 'give a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Deidre Lippnik 3 years ago
Give a man a match, he'll be warm all night. Light him on fire and he'll be warm the rest of his life
sovy marcia 3 years ago
this pooooor pooooor man wont be hungry because hell be dead, and um cured the fishs hunger
Cory Kent 3 years ago
Okay the first sentence is not how the saying goes. It could be the same, but the first sentence should say, "If you teach a man to fish you'll feed him for all his days," or something like that. It's "If you give a man a fish you feed him for a day. But teach him to fish and you'll feed him for all his days." But okay, correctly, if you feed him to the fish, he won't even want food anymore.
Christof Irran 3 years ago
Do any of you remember when on 09 February 2001 the US submarine USS Greeneville struck the Japanese-fishery high-school training ship Ehime Maru during an emergency ballast blow surfacing maneuver by the Greeneville? The Ehime Maru sank and nine of the thirty-five people aboard were killed. Well, there it goes: Give a man a fish and he'll eat for ne day. Teach a man to fish and he'll get struck by a submarine and drown (i.e get fed to the fish and never be hungry again). Ehime-Maru...372648.jpg 
#3
Masters of the nope game
Trust dogs. They always know who to stay away from.
How Do You Advise Someone About Life?
Giving advice about life, be it a serious one or maybe sharing a couple of funny sayings about life, is no easy task! In fact, sharing advice is as much of a science as it is subjective and elusive since everyone’s experiences, understandings, and goals differ greatly.
Here’s what you should do before giving your advice in the first place – figure out whether the person you’re giving it to needs a real solution to their problem or merely something to take their mind off of the things they're experiencing. If it’s the latter, just pick one of these funny life quotes from our list, and if it’s a serious scenario, we have some general principles of giving life advice prepared for you:
Listen Attentively. Before you give your advice, listen carefully to what the person you’re about to give it to is saying. Understanding their perspective is crucial for good advice!
Show Empathy. Let them know that you care about their problems and appreciate their feelings, and it might help just as much as the advice itself.
No Judging. We’ve all been in all kinds of dubious situations and know that judging doesn’t help, right? Focus on understanding instead.
It’s All About Perspective. Do you know what the best part of talking to someone is? You’re right; it’s a different perspective to look at things. Share your own experiences if you feel it’s fitting.
Solution Time. Offering solutions to problems is probably the best thing you could do for someone in need. Even if a solution is a bunch of funny life advice quotes shared around to soften the hard blows of life!
All in all, advising someone about life is a very personal and subjective thing. While we can give you some pointers, it’s up to you, the situation and the person you’re talking with that defines the best way to approach the situation at hand. However, funny advice or serious advice, know that if someone is coming up to you for it, it means they trust and cherish you!
#4
Nighttime prankster vibes only
If you hear weird noises in the night, simply make weirder noises to assert dominance.
#5
Not Your Dream Bathroom Break
If you find a toilet in your dream, don’t use it.
#6
Whispering Threats Hit Different
Don't yell at your kids, lean in close and whisper, it's much scarier.
Whitefox 3 years ago
I can confirm. I used to know some people who yelled a lot and made empty threats. One of their crotch goblins was dancing a jig on my very last nerve. He dang near peed himself when I took him out back got down at his level and whispered that if he did not stop pestering me, I'd put him straight to bed with no dinner or dessert. He was a perfect angle all night after that and rarely ever gave me trouble again.
What is the Best Advice Ever Given?
It’s safe to say that a lot of us have received a piece of advice that not only changed the way we see things but also stuck with us for quite some time. While naming the ultimate best life advice ever given is a tricky task, here are some serious, empowering, and even funny life advice pieces that made it into our top list:
- Your life is your responsibility;
- The way someone treats you is a reflection they feel about themselves;
- Life is all about managing expectations — most of it your own;
- When you know better, do better;
- Your word is your bond;
- Just keep going. No matter what;
- Don’t dwell on the idea that thighs could’ve been any other way;
- Do what you’re afraid to do;
- Listen more than you speak;
- Always be kind.
As it happens, these excellent words of wisdom which we think you’d agree, are also some of the most often ignored pieces of advice ever! And if you think that this list should be expanded with anything else, be it funny sayings about life or serious pieces of advice, be sure to share it in the comments section!
#7
Rent’s covered, just not the way you want
If you attempt to rob a bank, you will have no trouble with rent or bills for the next ten years, whether you are successful or not.
Headless Roach 3 years ago
How is it that if you rob a bank you have a problem, but when the bank robs you they don't?
#8
Instant Kid Magnet, Just Add Wi-Fi Cutoff
If you don’t know where your kids are in the house, turn off the internet and watch them magically appear.
#9
This Wisdom Hits Different
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
What are Some Short Life Quotes You Could Use as Advice?
Advice can come in many forms – a shared experience, a kind word, a solution to a problem, or even a short saying about life. Picking a quote about life might often be an excellent choice! A quote is often both wise and leaves enough room to interpret and make it your own. So, if you were looking for empowering, thoughtful, or maybe even funny quotes about life, here are some of our favorites:
- “The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” — Dalai Lama;
- “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” — John Lennon;
- “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” — Mae West;
- "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." — Babe Ruth
- "Not how long, but how well you have lived is the main thing.” — Seneca
If none of these quotes speak to you, you can always continue reading our list where, hopefully, you’ll find the funny life advice you’ve been looking for all along!
#10
Plot twist: something’s definitely up
If your kids suddenly start getting along and are nice to each other for no reason, be very suspicious.
Jordi Sharpe 3 years ago
The first of many Oaths of Secrecy to cover their asses. You'll hear all about them when they're in their 30s.
#11
Why Your Hands Are Lying About That Scent
No matter how nice the hand soap smells, don’t leave the restroom smelling your fingers.
#12
When life gives you lemons, aim better
If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a water gun and shoot other people in the eyes.
crow_commits_murder 3 years ago
“All right, I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man whose gonna burn your house down - with the lemons!” - Cave Johnson
#13
Guess the future’s cool with this one
If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it, then how bad of a decision can it really be?
#14
Mood: savage and stuffed
Eat whatever you want, and if someone calls you fat, eat them too.
Deborah Harris2 3 years ago
I got a 24 hour ban for making this joke ..... and now you print it!!!! Oh the freaking irony ....
#15
Not Rooted, Just Renting
If you are not happy where you are, move. You are not a tree.
#16
Wait, what did I just forget?
Drinking can cause memory loss, or even worse, memory loss.
Headless Roach 3 years ago
Alcohol does not give you answers, but it certainly helps forget the question.
#17
Bet on the quiet fixers
Ladies, if a man says he'll fix something, he will. There's no point in telling him about it every six months.
#18
Turns out, sharks hate squad goals
If you swim with a friend, your chances of getting eaten by a shark will drop by 50%.
Headless Roach 3 years ago
And the friend is like.. "what am I doing here? why are my hands tied?"
#19
When Logic Takes a Coffee Break
If you can’t blind them with brilliance, baffle them with nonsense.
#20
Well, that escalated quickly
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
#21
Smart Cereal Stealing Prevention
Marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they won't eat all of yours.
#22
Goals? Nah, I’m napping instead
Don't give up your dreams, keep on sleeping.
#23
Glow up, but make it cozy
Be a Caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep a lot. Wake up beautiful.
#24
Holding hands, but make it budget-friendly
Don't let go of your wife's hand at the mall, because she will start shopping. It might look romantic, but it's actually economic.
#25
Instant excuse level: expert
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job, slowly raise the head and say in Jesus name, Amen.
#26
Priorities, people!
In case of fire, exit the building before tweeting about it.
#27
Instant Life Lesson: Avoid Double Breaks
If you break your bone in two places, don’t go to those places again.
#28
Eggs, but Make It Dessert
Eggs are good for your health. But sometimes we get fed up with them. Add some butter, chocolate, sugar, flour, and then bake. Now it’s not so boring to eat them every day.
#29
Instant Escape Plan Activated
When you fart in public, yell "Jet power!" and walk faster.
#30
Procrastination’s Sneaky Perk
If you wait until the last minute to do it, it only takes a minute to do.
#31
Ruining Bops Since Morning
Never use your favorite song as an alarm. You'll start to hate it.
#32
Stop the dramatic pauses already
Writing. Like. This. Doesn't. Make. Your. Point. Any. Stronger.
TheAquarius1978 3 years ago
Of course it doesn't, NOW IF YOU USE ALL CAPITAL LETTERS ON THE OTHERHAND....
#34
Majestic Vibes Only
Do not think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a majestic baboon.
#35
When a Brick Buys You Candy
For $1, you can buy a candy bar from a vending machine. For $2, you can buy a brick, and get all the candy in the vending machine.
#36
When in doubt, sue it out
The best defense against somebody videotaping you is to blast a song by an artist that is serious about copyright infringement.
#37
Sad? Nah, That’s Just Das
Don't be sad, because sad backward is das and das not good.
#38
This is peak multitasking
Put a teabag in your whiskey, so you can day drink without being judged.
#39
Dad Logic 101
My father once told me, "Son, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it's something your father told you."
#40
The pasta bath hack you didn’t know you needed
Pro parenting tip: only have spaghetti on bath nights.
#41
Cold hands, worse decisions
Never walk on the ice with your hands in your pockets.
#42
Instant Regret: The Sneezing Contract
The first time your toddler sneezes in your face, even if it is super funny when it happens, do not laugh. You will be sentencing yourself to years of purposeful in-your-face sneezes.
#43
Blink twice if you’re in on this
If your dog blinks at you blink back. It could be a code.
TheAquarius1978 3 years ago
I dunno about dogs, but that actually how you conquer a cat ( no Im not jocking, you slow Blink to a cat untill the cat slow Blink a at you, at that moment it just told you it trusts you and doesn't see you as a threat)
#44
Sorry, that’s on them not you
Don’t be ashamed of yourself — that’s a job for your parents.
#45
Bowl Licking Isn’t A Personality Trait
Don't lick the bowl, flush it like a normal person.
#46
Therapy, but make it terrible
Listen to really bad music when going through something terrible in your life. If you listen to music you love, it will become a constant reminder of bad times.
The_Tired_Artist 3 years ago
*Listens to Justin Bieber cause his music is weird* his fans: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#47
Senior dating sites are a hard pass
If you’re in 12th grade, do not join senior dating sites.
#48
Smart enough to doubt yourself
Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘would an idiot do that?’ if they would, I do not do that thing.
#49
Nothing says passive-aggressive like air quotes
When you want to annoy someone at work, use air quotes when addressing their work title.
#50
Not how physics works, Karen
Oil floats on water, so cover yourself in oil, wait for it to rain, and fly.
ShinyLopunny 3 years ago
Netherite floats on lava, "Cover me in debris", wait for it to lava, die.
#51
Peak Self-Preservation Logic
If you’re being chased, give the person who’s chasing you a pair of scissors because you can’t run with scissors.
Rharah-The-Tired-Artist 3 years ago (edited)
oh my gosh.. their RI- The_Tired_Artist, last words. ????-2022
#52
Wish smarter, not harder
If you can't wish for more wishes, then wish for more genies.
#53
Trust your toes first
Never test the depth of a river with both feet.
#54
Procrastinators, Rejoice!
The early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
#55
Stealing Punchlines Since Forever
Never joke with a kleptomaniac, they will take it, literally.
#56
Parenting Level: Expert Drama Queen
When your kids start crying, start bawling bigger and better. Soon, they will stop crying & turn their concerns to your welfare.
#57
Brighter Than Your Phone, Trust Me
No flashlight on your phone? Take a photo of the sun, and use it in the dark.
#58
Think bigger, win her heart
If she asks for four chicken nuggets, buy ten. This is how you get and keep a girlfriend.
#59
Broke but Still Trippin’
If you can’t afford virtual reality headsets, you can close your eyes and imagine everything you want.
#60
Strategy: Mastering the Art of Deterrence
If you don't want someone to ask you to do something again, do it terribly the first time.
#61
Life Advice from My Dog
Treat every problem as your dog would. If you can't eat it, walk away.
#62
The Ultimate Gift Hack
It’s the thought that counts... so don’t buy birthday presents, just think about buying them.
#63
If They Can’t Heal a Plant, Good Luck
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
#64
Pumpkin Picking: Brutally Honest Edition
Take your kids to a pumpkin patch and let them pick out any pumpkin. Then, make them carry it to the car. They’ll never want to go back there again.
#65
Waiting for a reply like it’s dial-up internet
Don't worry if a person hasn't texted you back. Most people only check their phone every three seconds.
#66
When bad choices team up
Never break two laws at the same time because that’s how you get caught.
Auntriarch 3 years ago
Don't drive over the speed limit when there's a warrant out for your arrest
#67
Abs or nah, still delicious
Just because waffles are pancakes with abs doesn't mean eating them gives you abs.
#68
Fake it ‘til the dishes look done
Is your sink full of dirty utensils? Put some clean dishes in the draining rack! Now it looks like you’re working on it.
#69
The Most Honest Excuse Yet
If you're late, just say, "Sorry I'm late, I was at home sitting down."
#70
Welcome to Life’s Bird Droppings Club
There will come a day when you get pooped on. Just know that it is going to happen and there’s nothing you can do about it.
#71
Plotting my snack heist already
Count your eggs before they hatch. That way you’ll know if someone steals one of them.
#72
Clocking time with zero effort
If you ever want to know the time but don't have a watch, use your phone as a sun dial. Always works.
#73
Hangry Choices Are Real
Don't make decisions without eating first.
Lizzy Abbey (she/they) 3 years ago
is my food poisoned? it smells poisoned, Y'know i won't know until i've URK *dies*
#74
Mom’s hotline always open
When in doubt, always ask your mother.
#75
Accidental Accuracy Is Still Accuracy
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
#76
Happiness Doesn’t Do GPS
Don’t follow what you think is the right way; make your way to what you think is happiness.
#77
Cold roads call for southern grandma energy
If you rarely drive on snow, just pretend you're taking your grandma to church. There's a platter of biscuits and 2 gallons of sweet tea in glass jars in the back seat. She's wearing a new dress and holding a crock pot full of gravy.
#78
Procrastinating regret never pays off
If you're drinking to forget, pay in advance.
#80
Instant Mic Drop Energy
If any person tries to hurt you, tell them I have a gun, a shovel, and an alibi.
#81
Cold water, hot convenience
Fed up with boiling water each evening? Heat 340 fl oz (10 liters), and freeze for future use.
#83
Plot twist: boredom is a vibe killer
Only boring people say they’re bored.
#84
Bribing cops with wiper ballet moves
If you leave your wipers up, an officer won’t be able to leave a fine. Your money will be saved.
TheAquarius1978 3 years ago (edited)
Don't worry, you'l get it by mail.... I know i did, many, many of them.....
#85
Breakfast? More like break-ouch!
It’s very expensive to eat 3 times a day. Wake up later, miss breakfast, and save money.
#86
Patience is a lost art
If you stare at something you dropped on the ground, eventually someone will pick it up for you.
#87
Self-Defense, But Make It Sticky
Fill your heart with bees, then if someone breaks your heart, they’ll have to deal with the bees.
#88
Classic “Not My Fault” Energy
If you do something bad, make sure there’s someone else around to blame.
#89
Yeah, That’s Not How Submarines Work
Don't open the window when in a submarine.
#90
Time to eavesdrop on your feels
Buy a stethoscope, so you can listen to your heart.
#91
The Classic Shift From Bad Day to Bad Night
Having a bad day? No worries! Wear sunglasses. Now you’re having a bad evening.
#92
Who’s playing breakfast backwards?
Never trust someone who puts in the milk, then the cereal.
#93
When your nightmares want a social life too
If the monster comes out of the closet tonight, say hi for me then go back to sleep.
#95
Surprisingly Low-Key Life Advice
Treat your father-in-law like your own dad. You’ll miss him when he’s gone.
#96
Classic Cat Excuse Energy
Blame the cat.
Alexandria Z 3 years ago
Even if something huge. They bring in friends to help and you know it.
#97
Waterworks for the W win
The one who cries the hardest wins the argument.
#98
Plot Twist: Forgot My Own Name
Remember your name, you’ll need it.
#99
Not All Flyers Make a Comeback
A frisbee is NOT a boomerang.
Russ Kincade 3 years ago (edited)
If you throw it at a 45 degree angle it will come back to you.
#100
Mom’s the only exception... maybe
Don’t talk to anybody on the train, except for your mom. Well, maybe it would be best to ignore her too.
#102
Because horses hate surprises too
Mount from both sides so the horse becomes used to change.
Michael Largey 3 years ago
The experience you give him is nothing compared to the experience he'll give you.
#103
Feet, not free-range chickens
Keep your toes on your feet.
Federico Guerrero-Isaza 3 years ago
I don't think people with leprosy can comply with this one.
#104
Math, but make it satisfyingly odd
If you cut the tennis balls in half, you can fit 6 in a container.
#105
Fashion sabotage or just daily entertainment?
When wearing boots, always wear different color socks. When your boots come off, it will be funny and you'll always have something to talk about.
#106
Desperate times call for fresh seats
If you are trying to get lucky, keep changing chairs. There's bound to be chewing gum under one of them.
#107
Counting coins like it’s a flex
Never date a person who pays their rent in one’s.
#108
Stealth Mode: Activated
Don’t buy a bikini. Instead, get a size XXXL men’s shirt. That way, people won’t notice you.
Isabel Care 3 years ago
Why would I want a tiny shirt? I can buy a huge bikini and wear it over my thermal underwear as usual.
#109
Breakfast or broke, your call
If you sleep until lunchtime, you can save your breakfast money.
#110
Multitasking Level: Expert
There is never enough time in the morning. Try to combine brushing your teeth with your breakfast.
#112
Lower the hype, save your sanity
Avoid travel teams unless your child is a once-in-a-generation talent… and your child is not a once-in-a-generation talent.
Xenia Harley 3 years ago
Travel teams travel all over a region to play sports like soccer, football, etc. in the US. You have to Tavel all over for games as the parent of the child!
#113
When Toothpaste Saves Your Nails
A 3-colored manicure isn’t so difficult if you have toothpaste.
#114
When in doubt, just upgrade the pen game
If your tires are too old, refresh them with a marker.
#115
Lazy hack or spicy mess?
If you’re too lazy to wash your cup, use a pepper.
What do you think ?
RandomHumanBean 3 years ago
Always hike with a friend. that way, if you get chased by a bear, you don't have to outrun it. you only need to outrun your friend.
Doc Thissen 3 years ago
The loser in a fight is the one who has to go to the hospital before going to jail.
Will Cable 3 years ago
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get...especially if one is a laxative
Hansaja Jayaweera 5 months ago
The world has two sides, Just because you don’t give up, doesn't mean you'll make it! - Kaspahon life advice Lady - 😁 Working for your dream is like climbing a mountain. Even if you quit climbing along the way you still have a way better view than when you started. - Gintama Anime - 😌
Ruth Hempsey 3 years ago
Some of these made me chuckle so I'll refrain from criticising this time. 😉
martin ginsberg 1 year ago
Advice should always be pithy and never punny. I pithy the fools who ignore this.
Horst 3 years ago
If someone is following you, follow them back. No matter what, you don’t stop following.
RandomHumanBean 3 years ago
Always hike with a friend. that way, if you get chased by a bear, you don't have to outrun it. you only need to outrun your friend.
Doc Thissen 3 years ago
The loser in a fight is the one who has to go to the hospital before going to jail.
Will Cable 3 years ago
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get...especially if one is a laxative
Hansaja Jayaweera 5 months ago
The world has two sides, Just because you don’t give up, doesn't mean you'll make it! - Kaspahon life advice Lady - 😁 Working for your dream is like climbing a mountain. Even if you quit climbing along the way you still have a way better view than when you started. - Gintama Anime - 😌
Ruth Hempsey 3 years ago
Some of these made me chuckle so I'll refrain from criticising this time. 😉
martin ginsberg 1 year ago
Advice should always be pithy and never punny. I pithy the fools who ignore this.
Horst 3 years ago
If someone is following you, follow them back. No matter what, you don’t stop following.
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