“You Can Talk Back To Your Brain”: 30 People Share The Best Advice They Wish They’d Heard Earlier
It’s human to make mistakes. Despite understanding this, many folks still hold a deep sense of regret for how they used to live life in the past. They might beat themselves up for not taking better care of their physical or mental health. Or they still feel ashamed that they gave so much of their time and energy to foster one-sided relationships.
Redditor u/laradoxical tapped into those feelings and inspired a viral discussion on r/AskReddit after asking everyone to share the one piece of advice they wish they had when they were younger. The thread is incredibly relatable and is a great guide for anyone in the mood for some self-help. Check out the best advice below.
Bored Panda wanted to learn more about moving past regrets and nurturing habits, so we reached out to Alan Castel, Ph.D., a UCLA psychology professor and the author of 'Better with Age: The Psychology of Successful Aging.' Read on for the insights he shared with us.
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Treat everyone with respect. Friends, family, coworkers, doormen, waitstaff, hairdressers, etc. Everyone deserves dignity. Its seems a little thing, but its huge to those on the receiving end.
Some people regret that they didn't embrace a healthier lifestyle earlier, and we were curious about what could help them move past these feelings.
"While some people may feel regret, many people can transform this into motivation to focus on the things that are important in life," Dr. Castel, from UCLA, explained to Bored Panda via email.
"This can take the form of nurturing relationships, and also developing new healthy habits at any age in life," he said.
That it’s ok to go in to a skilled trade and not HAVE to go to college and wrack up thousands of dollars worth of debt.
You can talk back to your brain. Talk back to your bad thoughts and tell them they’re wrong. Not every bad thought is a reality. Also, bad days are okay. Bad day does not equal a bad life.
Stop pining over people and just ask them out as soon as you realize you like them.
If their answer is yes, then yay! If their answer is no, they you don’t waste a bunch of energy having a crush on them when it won’t go anywhere.
I finally followed that advice and it’s working out great.
Adding: When you're a woman, don't wait for the man to ask you first. They wanna feel wanted too and appreciate it :3
We were also interested in what could help motivate someone to continue developing new habits even if they're not seeing the results they hoped for.
"While some habits may not immediately yield benefits, people may appreciate that the reinforcement will occur if it is discussed with others," Castel, the author of 'Better with Age: The Psychology of Successful Aging,' said.
"Thus, having a social connection and talking about how to nurture healthy habits can be beneficial so that they become long-term programs of behavior, such as exercise, eating well, and being around the people that one cares about."
"Do what you love" is b******t for most of us. Do something you like and that provides you with the conditions to do what you love on your free time.
I wish I'd known earlier that I would be happier if I stopped needlessly judging people.
Interesting to hear that someone who recognises themselves as judgemental isn't necessarily happy...
If the shoes aren’t 100% comfortable in the store-leave them there.
Let me upvote this 100 times. I have at least a half a dozen pairs of shoes that weren't really comfortable in the store but I bought them anyway. Now I can't wear them.
One thing that everyone needs to understand is that there is no such thing as a ‘perfect’ life. No matter how skilled, resilient, resourceful, or lucky you might be, at one point or another you are going to make mistakes. And lots of them! They might be one-off behaviors or even full-fledged habits that you regret (not) doing.
But instead of agonizing over all of this, you must embrace this ‘imperfection.’ Yes, your life would have been better if you took better care of your mental health or stopped trying to please everyone in your social circle. However, you did the best that you could with the knowledge and tools that you had at the time. What matters now is that you learn from those mistakes, identify the habits and type of lifestyle you want, and put consistent effort to reach those goals.
Don't spend so much time thinking about what other people think of you (they care more about themselves than you). Spend more time discovering yourself and loving/accepting who you are instead of wasting time doing things to get their approval. That, and... When you thought that (whatever drama/comment/snarky remark etc) was about you, it wasn't really about you. It was about them.
I'd like to add to this that the perfect way of learning to love yourself for who you are is to have someone teach you to love yourself. And I mean profesionnaly; I always knew I should love myself for who I am but how the heck do you love the very thing you despise? Turns out there's actual tools/methods/approaches you can learn. Hating yourself is a habit you've grown accustomed to. You gotta unlearn hating yourself and actively learn to love yourself.
Don’t let compliments get to your head and don’t let insults get to your heart.
On the flip side, learn to accept a genuine compliment (not talking about if someone is being creepy at you, but like 'you did great work' or 'you're really good at that'). Don't argue with the person giving the compliment about how it's not true. Even if you don't believe it, say 'thank you' and move on. I started doing that when I was younger and eventually came to believe the sincerity of a compliment when it was given. It had a big effect on my self-confidence!
Don’t be so desperate for love and affection you find it in the absolute worst places. Wait your time until you’re old enough and don’t be like me and make a million mistakes you’ll regret on abusive men who never deserved the time of day.
Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., points out in a piece on Psychology Today that, practically speaking, there is no possible way for your past self to have known what you know now. The advice you so wish you could give your past self could still be incredibly useful to you now.
All it takes is acknowledging its usefulness and integrating it into your life. It takes a lot of maturity and humility to admit that, yes, you probably should have behaved differently. However, you would not be the person you are today if you had not made those mistakes in the past. And, if we’re being totally honest, it really is never too late to learn something new. We’re never ‘too old’ to live the life we truly want.
Yah hey 18 yr old me:
You know how you are they only skinny one in the family? That is not because you are genetically programmed to stay in model shape. It is because you work out constantly because you love dance.
Yes you can now eat 3 Big Macs In a sitting and all the casseroles your mom makes with crisco by the cups. You might even be within the food pyramid of 1992 (it’s b******t!). But the minute you switch to college life, work out only a few hours a week at most, age....boom you are going to join the rest of the fam!
Learn how to eat while you are still skinny. Then learn some sports that you can do at 30 unlike ballet on point. Then learn to prioritize them.
Lovingly, overweight 44 yr old you.
Always this kinda goes with me I always had the same figure until I got married than I jumped 10 punds than 20 than 30 than at 30 my weight got stuck and I dont eat as much as before I got married.
Your parents are not always right, morally OR factually.
And sometimes, they are more concerned about their own reputation than your wellbeing.
Basically, your parents are only human.
Surround yourself with people that treat you well. Anyone else, whether they are family or friends, can be pushed away if they want to treat you like s**t. Life isn't about sticking around in unhealthy relationships, it is about cultivating the ones that actually matter.
I recently got a call from my dad telling me how much of a lazy piece of s**t (his words) I am for skipping Thanksgiving and not helping build a fence. I have to work to make ends meet and I am starting to think I don't have time for his toxic b******t.
In our experience, some of the most important factors that help us live a happy life include prioritizing our physical and mental health, developing strong relationships with the people we care about, and spending time on activities that we truly love.
Living well starts with the absolute basics: from eating well and getting plenty of exercise to drinking lots of water and getting enough sleep every single night. Next, you have to find a healthy balance between work or school and your free time. That might mean different things to different people, but so long as you’re not neglecting your passions (whether that’s dance, art, travel, music, or anything else), you’re doing things right.
Though if you’re struggling or feel utterly lost, there’s no shame in asking for help. If talking to your family and friends doesn’t help, seek out a therapist for advice.
Get tested. It's not in your head.
Your mother is not a Dr and doesn't know what she's talking about.
And if that doctor tells you it's all in your head, find a new doctor.
Don’t waste your skinny years thinking you’re fat.
Take care of your teeth / get as much done while on your parents dental plans as possible. Necessary s**t and preventative procedures. Cuz holy f**k, when you’re 24 with no coverage and you break a tooth, it’s going to take you sooo f*****g long to get it fixed and paid off.
If you don't think the tattoo looks good, say so. Don't assume the tattoo artist knows better than you do. Would have saved me a lot of grief and, hopefully not too far in the future, money for removal/a cover up.
better still, ask to see their portfolio of work before letting them near you with a needle.
Success greets you in private and failure slaps you in public.
Learn to love yourself because those that are supposed to love arent always there for you.
Don't smoke. Im only 18 and this s**t needs to stop
A kid in my school got expelled for smoking. He was in Junior High, and he ruined his life with vapes and drugs.
“Apply a*s to chair.” It’s from a story Raymond Carver tells when asked how he was such a prolific writer. Changed my life when I heard it. There is no other substitute for getting s**t done than sitting down and getting the s**t done.
Fundamental to this is completely letting go of the expectation that things are perfect after the first try. Heck, don't even expect it to be good the first time. Just do it. Revise later.
You will not have to deal with quicksand at all in your adult life. Stop obsessing about it.
But it's everywhere according to Scooby Doo, Gilligan's Isle and the Brady Bunch
Experiences > Things
Here's the test:
Without looking at anything to remind you, what did you get for your birthday in the year 2010?
I'll wait.
I can't remember what I got either.
But I do remember...
Playing in the creek with my kids
Seeing the total eclipse.
Going to the "Postmodern Jukebox" show with my daughter.
That time we stopped and cooked dinner on the side of the road because it was closed due a mudslide.
and so much more...
Learn self discipline. Especially over your mind. Then you can wait out a lot of your own problems. If you rush life because “you can’t wait any longer” you will have so many griefs. Disciplined Patience can do a world of wonders.
Practice talking to people and being with people. Social skills can be learnt like any other skill! It just takes patience, and practice.
Being an adult is about running in to problems and in one way or another overcoming all of them. No putting off or discarding the ones you don't like. They're your problems and you have to deal with and resolve them.
People will give you incorrect information - sometimes intentionally, be it out of good or bad motives, sometimes because they themselves are misinformed and sometimes because they plain do not know.
Some of this information will be delivered with high confidence, some with low, but the projected confidence level is no indication of correctness.
You will have to learn for yourself what is correct and what isn't, when to trust, how to assess, how to reflect and evaluate, and sometimes you'll get it right and sometimes you won't.
Learn from your mistakes, and make mistakes that aren't fatal early and often so that you can learn as much as possible.
Learn from others experience, ask them about their life and what they have learned. You never have to accept anything as directive, but by listening you will expose yourself to more information than you could ever gather on your own in a lifetime.
Overeating, anorexia, alcohol, tobacco and other drugs will have horrid negative impact on your quality of life later in your time, even if they feel cool, net neutral or good right away. Stay away and keep dosage low as much and as long as you can.
You won't get rewarded for being good and following norms. This is how your childhood might have worked, but you will have to figure out what you want all by yourself for the rest of your life, and luck will play a much more significant role than you think in payoff.
Try not to care too much about your reputation, following rules and doing what generally everyone does if your desires suggest you want to try something else. Be careful to gather information and evidence before doing things that others suggest might be detrimental to your wellbeing.
Money is not a way to keep score or attain happiness, but not having money can limit your ability to be your best self and cause severe harm.
Have a cash emergency fund - until you have about 10k saved up, push any money you can into it. Never touch it, you'll know when you have an emergency that supersedes this rule.
Invest early, tax advantaged and often. Don't withdraw. Every month, pick some amount that you can afford to lose and invest it into the SP500, ideally in a 401k or IRA account. Invest in the SP500 even if you are not located in America. Keep doing this, don't watch the total value, never sell until you hit at least 50.
Buy a house if you could see yourself staying in an area for more than 5 years and you can make monthly payments and the down payment. Even if you move, there is a decent chance that selling your first home will set you up in a better way to buy a new one elsewhere than renting would have.
Once you have enough that you'd be negatively impacted if you lost it all, max out catastrophic insurance against liability, medical bankruptcy and loss of life if you already have a life partner or children.
Try to create meaningful relationships - people who will be honest with you, truly care about you and help you in situations where anyone who doesn't know you would be right to stay away. This includes learning to end relationships that aren't great early - at some point, you should pick and choose a set of people you want around for the rest of your life, and weeding out the ones you don't early will be helpful in this.
You can learn a lot about a person by observing how they treat others and allowing them to hurt you. If someone insults or denigrates others to their faces or behind their backs, chances are they'll project their negative emotions towards you at some point in the future. If someone steals a few dollars or a prized possession from you, chances are that if you kept them in your life they'll cause more damage along the way. If someone lashes out at you in anger when you make a mistake, chances are they'll do so repeatedly in future situations where a calm, results oriented discussion would be more productive.
Don't focus on finding your one true love; realize there are a few million people who'd make fine partners for you a few thousand who'd be perfect. The moment you choose one of those to be your companion for the remainder of your time is what makes that relationship truly special.
You cannot make a specific person love you - if they don't reciprocate move on and don't dwell on it. One sided relationships cause no end of harm, you have dodged the proverbial bullet.
Think of the initial period of infatuation as a great way to get to know a person better, but in finding longterm companions, try to choose based on character traits such as competence, kindness, good communication skills and helpfulness.
Last but not least: you have one life. It'll end sometime in the next 100 years, and you'll spend the first quarter learning and growing, the middle quarters applying yourself and having children if you so choose and the last quarter hanging on despite all the pain just to see how things play out. But that's it. One life.
Use your time well and don't forget to enjoy it.
let me give you some advice. When giving advice get to the point. I didn't read a single word you wrote because in all of that I can see that there is no point. Lot of word salad.
To let go of my jealousy. I was always so jealous of my peers who were better at sports, who were more academically gifted, who had more friends... The jealousy ate away at me for so many years and soured my relationship with my peers. It was such a waste. I could have used all that energy to maybe try and improve myself or focus on my strengths instead of hating others for being what I wasn’t.
It’s alright if you’re not the best, we can’t all be number one. No ones perfect. What matters is that you be the best you can be.
Note: this post originally had 80 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
Dear me: You are not crazy. You are being gaslighted and abused, and you are severely depressed and anxious. You are not stupid. You have undiagnosed, untreated ADHD. You are not fat. Tim (our adoptive father) is projecting his own insecurities onto you. Please stop starving yourself. You are not worthless, lazy, unlovable, or any of those other things that Tim tells you that you are. He is a narcissist and a manipulator who's so fragile and spineless that the only way he can feel better about himself is to bully a child. You will escape, you will heal, you will never have to see or speak to Tim ever again, and your life will be so much better for it.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/get-help/suicide?lang=eng
Load More Replies... "Learn to" is a verb. You can learn to do things. Learn to love yourself, learn to be more patient, learn to be less judgmental, learn to save money, learn to study, learn to travel solo. Find out HOW to learn all these things you want to learn. There's methods, plans, approaches. You can be advised to do a lot of things but not everything is a matter of flipping an interal switch. Some things you have to learn, and learning to learn is at the foundation.
learn to eat pretzels /j (i love pretzels lol)
Load More Replies... Dear me: You are not crazy. You are being gaslighted and abused, and you are severely depressed and anxious. You are not stupid. You have undiagnosed, untreated ADHD. You are not fat. Tim (our adoptive father) is projecting his own insecurities onto you. Please stop starving yourself. You are not worthless, lazy, unlovable, or any of those other things that Tim tells you that you are. He is a narcissist and a manipulator who's so fragile and spineless that the only way he can feel better about himself is to bully a child. You will escape, you will heal, you will never have to see or speak to Tim ever again, and your life will be so much better for it.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/get-help/suicide?lang=eng
Load More Replies... "Learn to" is a verb. You can learn to do things. Learn to love yourself, learn to be more patient, learn to be less judgmental, learn to save money, learn to study, learn to travel solo. Find out HOW to learn all these things you want to learn. There's methods, plans, approaches. You can be advised to do a lot of things but not everything is a matter of flipping an interal switch. Some things you have to learn, and learning to learn is at the foundation.
learn to eat pretzels /j (i love pretzels lol)
Load More Replies...