Political jokes are either a big no or a huge yes in a group of friends. However, we’ve all laughed at least once with political puns and good satirical lines about voting, elections, liberal jokes, or other political aspects like capitalism, for instance. We bet that silly (to some) beliefs, puns on parties, and satirical dramedies on presidents will never get boring or old.
Even if you deem yourself firmly apolitical, these hilarious jokes just might crack you up, too. Undoubtedly, you have your own brilliant thoughts on the topic as well. We would love to read your thoughts in the comments and don’t forget to vote for your favorite jokes and share them with your friends.
This post may include affiliate links.
Congressman should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers so we can identify their corporate sponsors.
A woman in a hot-air balloon is lost, so she shouts to a man below, "Excuse me. I promised a friend I would meet him, but I don't know where I am."
"You're at 31 degrees, 14.57 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude," he replies.
"You must be a Democrat."
"I am. How did you know?"
"Because everything you told me is technically correct, but the information is useless, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've been no help."
"You must be a Republican."
"Yes. How did you know?"
"You've risen to where you are due to a lot of hot air, you made a promise you couldn't keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
The EU now has 1 GB of free space.
“Because it would be hilarious,” is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.
People who want to share their religious or political views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
The Origins of Political Jokes
Politics - from Greek: Πολιτικά, politiká, ‘affairs of the cities’ - is something that you resonate with, heartily hate, or are partially indifferent to. It’s also the biggest no-no topic at dinner parties, together with religion, sexual orientation, and anything about vaccines (also, maybe your dog’s flatulence patterns). Yet, despite being such a persona non grata topic during casual meets, it nonetheless is the number one fodder for jokes. Political satire spices up these puns. Satiric lines make someone (a politician in this case) or something (political events) look ridiculous to the audience and feel so absurd that they cause laughter and embarrassment.
You might find it true to believe, but the first political puns date back as history jokes in the Soviet Union under the brutal dictatorship of Stalin. The fate of Boris Orman, who worked at a bakery, provides a typical example. In mid-1937, Boris Orman shared an anecdote (political joke) with a coworker in the bakery cafeteria. It led to 10 years of prison because it was said out loud. However, cracking jokes in whisper mode around family tables were the ones that lighted up the spirits of citizens in those dark times.
In the 1980s, even the president of the US, Ronald Reagan, couldn’t resist the old Soviet political jokes. He liked them so much that he had a secret stash of political puns hidden in the Oval Office.
How did we know communism was doomed from the beginning?
All the red flags.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.
If con is the opposite of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress?
I believe this is a Samuel Clemens quote, I believe the original quote was "If progress means to move forward, then what does Congress mean?"
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?
We Love Political Jokes for 2 Reasons
Now, the question here is why we need funny political jokes. Well, we’re no political scientists, but from what our team has gathered, we, the humans of the Earth, tend to make jokes about any Big Thing that takes considerable space in our lives. We do so (willingly or not) just to make it feel more relatable. Based on this, our need to taunt politicians is a way to make them seem less pompous and closer to our reality.
The other reason for making political jokes might be to spill the bitterness accumulated for various reasons on someone we don’t know personally. Politician jokes are a funny way to show our disagreement with their decisions and speeches.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.
The NSA: a government organization that actually listens to you!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
The Olympics remind us that no matter what country we may be from, we all look dumb using an iPad as a camera.
A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink. "Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink." The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman. "Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."
They should build the wall with Hillary's emails because nobody can get over them.
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it’s Election night.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Senator.
Kid: Dad, I want to be in politics when I grow up.
Dad: Are you insane? Have you completely lost your mind? Are you a moron?
Kid: Forget it. There seems to be too many requirements.
Actually those seem to be just the right requirements lately, especially for idiots who have never run anything else in their lives
Whats the difference between a politician and a snail?
One is slimy, a pest, and leaves a trail everywhere and the other is a snail.
After numerous rounds of, "We don't know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Kennedy opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message, 370HSSV-0773H. Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. Noone could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help. Within a few seconds the Marine Corps cabled back with this reply, "Tell Kennedy he's holding the message upside down."
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.
Politics is the most accurate word in the English language.
Poly = many. Ticks = blood sucking parasites.
Except it's not an English word, but a Greek one (yeah, I'm fun at parties)
Why can't Trump go to White house anymore? It's FOR BIDEN.
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
What's the difference between baseball and politics? In baseball you're out if you're caught stealing.
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
Why is England the wettest country?
Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.
My friend’s husband, responsible for the overall closing of a military base, was reviewing voluminous files. He found some old records that were of no possible value and sent a letter to Washington requesting permission to destroy them. The reply he received read as follows: “Permission is given to destroy the records, but please make triplicate copies of them first.”
When asked if they would have sex with Bill Clinton, 86% of women in D.C. said, "Not again."
Sadly, no one is safe from receiving the dreaded pink slip. Recently, a job application came across my desk at the federal personnel office in Washington, D.C. It was written on a standard form, which includes the question “Why did you leave your previous employment?” The applicant, a former U.S. Congressman, responded, “The express wish of 116,000 voters.”
I once met an honest, caring, politician that listened when I spoke and tried to help the country. Then I woke up.
The only safe way to shake with a politician is with one hand on your money, and the other covering your genitals.
The only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other liars.
My love is like communism; everyone gets a share, and it's only good in theory.
Hugh Grant's love is like communism. You think the elite are going to get screwed, but it's the poor people who get f****d.
Politicians are the only people you can ask a direct question to and, 35 minutes later, not have an answer and be more confused than you were before.
Mahatma Gandhi often walked barefoot which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, making him rather frail and with his odd diet he often suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.
The one thing I’ve learned from the World Cup is that Europe still hasn’t mastered the haircut.
That may be true, we are after all busy living in a real democracy, taking care of those who need our help 😉
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has said that he may run for President, but analysts predict it is much more likely that he will walk.
A priest, a politician, and a clown, walk into the bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
The priest and the clown, in perfect sync, look at the politician and say, "Yes, he is."
What’s the difference between a magician and a politician?
The magician returns your watch at the end of the performance.
My father, a Navy man, had the good fortune to be stationed in Hawaii—but the bad fortune to have fair skin. One day, after spending many hours under the hot sun, he reported back to duty with a terrible sunburn. Expecting sympathy, he was, instead, reprimanded by his superiors and then written up for “destruction of government property.”
The two U.S. cities with the highest alcohol consumption are Las Vegas and Washington, DC. The difference between the two is that in Washington the drunks are gambling with our own money.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of a national emergency—even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.
My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
Honest politians are like smart and educated Republicans, we've never seen one.
On my arrival in the United States I was struck by the degree of ability among the governed and the lack of it among the governing.
A frightened man goes to the secret police and says, “My talking parrot disappeared.”
“Why did you come here? Go to the regular police.”
“I will. I’m just here to tell you that I disagree with whatever that parrot is going to say.”
A politician was a guest speaker at the golf club dinner. As the politician stood up to speak, a few of the men saw it as an opportunity to sneak off to the bar. An hour later, with the politician still talking, another man joined them. “Is he still talking?” they asked him. “Yes,” the other man answered. “What on Earth is he talking about?”
“I don’t know. He’s still introducing himself.”
How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.
Who is the leader of the Kitty Communist Party?
Chairman Meow.
Pretty sure "Mao" is the Chinese word for "cat", or at least the word for "meow".
I think we should get rid of democracy. All in favor raise your hand.
Why do Communists drink herbal tea?
Because proper tea is theft.
I was on family leave, spending my days caring for my two-year-old son while pregnant with my second. To kill some time, I began watching the Game Show Network, and I got hooked. One afternoon my husband came home from work to find the house in complete disarray and me plopped in front of the TV. “So that’s what you do while I’m at work?” he said, smirking.
“I just happened to have it on,” I lied.
The next evening we were watching President Bush’s inauguration. As Bush stepped out of his limousine and waved to his cheering supporters, my son shouted, “Look, Mommy, he won the car!”
What if the whole ice-bucket challenge is just a long game to bring down the Wicked Witch of the West?
The day I immigrated to the United States, I was given an alien ID card that featured a cute photo of me at age 15. Years later, when I went to the courthouse to become a citizen, a clerk confiscated my card. “What will you do with it?” my wife asked.
“We burn it” was the answer.
“Could you please cut the photo off and let us keep it?” asked my wife.
“Certainly not,” said the clerk. “This card is official U.S. government property. As such it cannot be mutilated before it’s destroyed.”
If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? America.
Well, wait... this is a joke from 2016... who was Obama's VP again? (pause) OH S**T!!!!
Political parties are like toilet paper. Whichever side you select, you end up getting poop!
The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus.
Everyone's making memes on Iran and USA, meanwhile the struggle Israel.
Being president is like running a cemetery: You’ve got a lot of people under you, and nobody’s listening.
On his deathbed, a lifelong Republican supporter suddenly announced that he was switching to the Democrats. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.” said his friend. “For your entire life you’re been a staunch Republican. Why would you want to become a Democrat now?” “Because I’d rather it was one of them that dies than one of us.”
What did Clinton say when asked if he had used protection? "Sure, there was a guard standing right outside the door."
Dollar Tree bought Family Dollar for about $8 billion. It would have been $10 billion, but Family Dollar was dented.
Our government always struck me as having many layers. But I no longer think that, not after this e-mail from an associate in another country: "I demonstrated the product to the Minister of Defiance and his Chief of Stuff."
Without going to jail, you cannot be a big politician.
The huge backlog in the doctor's waiting room was taking its toll. Patients were glancing at their watches and getting restless. Finally one man walked to the receptionist's station and tapped on the glass. She slid back the window back, saying, "Sir, you'll have to wait your turn."
"I just had a question," he said dryly, "Is George W. Bush still President?"
As a new federal employee, I felt a combination of excitement and anxiety about meeting the strict standards of discretion and respect that our government imposes on its workers. Fearful of making a costly mistake, I decided to read up on procedures and standards on the federal Office of Personnel Management web page. I’m not sure if I was relieved or worried when I clicked on one page and found: “Ethics: Coming Soon!”
At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found the perfect green tie to match one of her husband’s sport jackets. Soon after, while the couple was relaxing at a resort complex to get his mind off a complicated cocaine-conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the tie. The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a “bug” planted by the conspiracy defendants.
The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters in Washington, D.C., for analysis. Two weeks later, the judge phoned Washington to find out the results of their tests.
“We’re not sure where the disc came from,” the FBI told him, “but we discovered that when you press it, it plays ‘Jingle Bells.’ ”
Can’t believe the National Spelling Bee ended in a tye.
Working on Capitol Hill, my husband was under constant pressure. After one late-night session, he came home exhausted and went straight to bed. When I turned out the light, he sat up in a panic. “Is everything OK in the house?” he asked.
“Yes, honey,” I answered. “I locked the doors and turned down the heat.”
“That’s good,” he said, lying back down, his eyelids heavy. “What about the Senate?”
Don't steal. That's the government's job.
Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give careful consideration to both sides of the same side.
The state dinner at the White House honored the prime minister of India, and the menu was vegetarian. How do you like that for Thanksgiving? No turkey, wrong Indians.
A birth certificate is an apology from the government that you are now indentured and a social security number that you are no longer a sovereign.
Hillary Clinton has finally announced she will be running for President. Yes, finally. She says this is a great step forward for all women... who happen to be married to a former president.
A liberal is a conservative who's been arrested. A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.
“Michelle Obama said she wants Americans to elect a woman president ‘as soon as possible.’ So even she has had enough of President Obama.”
So weak. Once again conservatives prove they just are not funny.
Load More Replies...
A small plane carrying five passengers but only four parachutes starts running into trouble. The passengers are Anthony Fauci, the pope, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Greta Thunberg. Fauci grabs a parachute, says "I must be saved because I'm needed to help get the US through the pandemic", and jumps out. The pope grabs a parachute, says "I must survive because I'm needed to lead my millions of followers through the pandemic", and he straps on a parachute and jumps out. Trump says "I must be saved because I'm the smartest man in the world" and he straps himself in and jumps. Hillary turns to Greta and says "You'd better take the last parachute because you're young and have your whole life ahead of you". "Relax", says Greta. "There are still two parachutes left. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack and put it on."
I grew up in a communist country. I hear and read Americans say about communism. Do the schools actually teach what communism and socialism is/was? Social security, libraries, and public schools are examples of socialism. Unions and trying to over throw an election are examples of communism.
They teach it to those of us who are willing to learn- and if we’re not taught or we find what they say fishy we teach ourselves.
Load More Replies...
Why was this '12 hours ago' when it existed 2 weeks ago? I guess BP really IS re-using articles-
In politics, the political labels don't matter: the names change, but it's all still piles of the same crap.
Idk trump was almost worth a quick grin.
Load More Replies...
So weak. Once again conservatives prove they just are not funny.
Load More Replies... A small plane carrying five passengers but only four parachutes starts running into trouble. The passengers are Anthony Fauci, the pope, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Greta Thunberg. Fauci grabs a parachute, says "I must be saved because I'm needed to help get the US through the pandemic", and jumps out. The pope grabs a parachute, says "I must survive because I'm needed to lead my millions of followers through the pandemic", and he straps on a parachute and jumps out. Trump says "I must be saved because I'm the smartest man in the world" and he straps himself in and jumps. Hillary turns to Greta and says "You'd better take the last parachute because you're young and have your whole life ahead of you". "Relax", says Greta. "There are still two parachutes left. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack and put it on."
I grew up in a communist country. I hear and read Americans say about communism. Do the schools actually teach what communism and socialism is/was? Social security, libraries, and public schools are examples of socialism. Unions and trying to over throw an election are examples of communism.
They teach it to those of us who are willing to learn- and if we’re not taught or we find what they say fishy we teach ourselves.
Load More Replies... Why was this '12 hours ago' when it existed 2 weeks ago? I guess BP really IS re-using articles-
In politics, the political labels don't matter: the names change, but it's all still piles of the same crap.
Idk trump was almost worth a quick grin.
Load More Replies...