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32 People Spill The Darkest And Most Disturbing Secrets Hidden By Their Partners
Odd eating habits or little OCD quirks are one thing, but lying about childhood traumas or hiding a nanny camera in the bedroom to spy on your partner could be dealbreakers.
A Reddit user recently asked: “What is the most disturbing thing you found about your partner?” and people did not hold back.
Studies have shown that keeping secrets in a relationship can weigh on your well-being, and they often have a way of coming out even when we don't want them to.
Below are some of the responses Reddit users shared, each highlighting a different experience or situation.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
He put a nanny cam in our bedroom so he could spy on my therapy sessions during covid. He made a big show out of putting on headphones in the other room because he knew he could just listen in later.
tw 72 2 hours ago
No kidding. Enough red flags - you can see them from space!
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RELATED:
#2
My ex and I connected over very severe and alarmingly similar childhood trauma experiences. almost a year into our relationship, he revealed (extremely casually, like it was no big deal) that he’d made it up. He’d heard about my past from a former mutual friend, and felt it’d be easier to get to know if we had this in common. He genuinely didn’t see an issue with doing this.
He then proceeded to ask, “since it bothered me”, if I wanted to know everything else he’d made up, too.
turned out, about 75% of what I knew about him was fake. weird funny stories and experiences, childhood memories, things that had allegedly happened to him at work - he was just making things up. When I asked him why, he reiterated that he didn’t see it as a big deal, and then explained he felt I “needed to be humbled a bit” because “my life wasn’t *that* interesting”, so he’d made up things to “match” my stories/experiences.
#3
That she is still in love with her ex girlfriend and has been having an affair with her since before we even got married. But didn’t tell me that it was her ex girlfriend for real until this year and everybody on her side played along with it as they were only “best friends” which in turn had this girl pretending to be MY friend and my “wife” allowed it for 5 years.
Don’t worry I’m leaving lol.
Emilu 3 hours ago
I think that these people have to be sociopaths, honestly. We don't care if you love your ex. It's when you pretend you love someone else but then show you're stringing them along that shows that you're an AH of the highest order.
Ace 2 hours ago
I would very much care if my partner was still in love with someone else.
Load More Replies... #4
When he orders wings he eats the whole thing….bones and all. The plate is sent back empty.
I think the first time he did it to get a reaction out of me but it’s been 4 years and he’s still crunching away. .
Learner Panda 2 hours ago
I have never understood the fascination with chicken wings. They're just bones, skin and a bit of meat. Why not have the legs, which are probably three times the size for quantity of meat.
#5
He handled the finances. He died. I found $36,000 in gambling debt.
Crystalwitch60 6 hours ago
Rule no one ! NEVER let one person take solo control of the finances , you should always both know everything , COS OF THIS for one always protect yourself ,
Miriam Insidecor 5 hours ago
This is wilful ignorance. Finances should be transparent if its shared money.
Emilu 3 hours ago
Unfortunately there are many that would not agree/or generally do this. Likely to their detriment.
Load More Replies...Mental health is now part of everyday conversation, and many countries are facing what’s being called a growing “loneliness epidemic.” But one surprising cause, according to new research from Columbia Business School’s Michael Slepian, might be something as simple as keeping a secret. And with it, often comes isolation, shame and anxiety, according to the professor.
#6
They bite their fork when they eat. My soul leaves my body every time.
highwaycrossingfrog 3 hours ago
I think I do this, but I genuinely never realised until someone said to me "oh, you're one of those people" (I'd just met them so bit weird but if they find it annoying I get it). It's not biting down, more removing the food from the fork with your teeth rather than your lips or whatever. It's completely unconscious in my case (hence why I said "think", because presumably I still do it, I just don't notice that I'm doing it.)
#7
My fiance doesn't use bookmarks, he just memorizes what page number he stopped on. .
Child of the Stars 7 hours ago
I have bookmarks in like 3 different books. This would not work for me!
Stardust she/her 6 hours ago
Same! I can remember just based on the ‘feel’ of the paragraph I stopped on. I have this thing called synesthesia which basically makes me associate colours with letters, numbers etc. With that I can remember where I left off as I can just remember the colour sequence of the page number without remembering the actual number itself
#8
He had a years-long affair with his stepmother.
#9
He keeps all his socks in a single giant drawer with zero pairs matched. just a chaotic ocean of fabric. disturbing? a little. fascinating? also yes.
tw 72 2 hours ago
If something this small bothers her - how will she handle something big?
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hannahbahngswife 2 hours ago
Sounds like my old socks drawer. I wear my old socks at home in the winter, mismatched and all.
#10
Nothing truly scary, just their obsession with organizing the fridge by color. It’s disturbing… but also kind of impressive.
#11
He had such a history of using his mother and his sister, while also regarding them with scathing contempt. Both of them were flawed and selfish, but loved him deeply and unconditionally.
When he casually remarked that his forty-year-old sister (who, incidentally, was gorgeous then and still is) was a "fat old woman covered in tattoos, and she needs to start being realistic about how she wants to be treated by a man," that was when I knew our days together were numbered and that I would never be able to un-see what that said about his regard for women.
#12
My ex wife spent the last decade of our marriage accusing me of having multiple affairs and/or being gay. I've since found out that during that decade she had 2 boyfriends and a girlfriend (not at the same time) so turns out it was all projection.
#13
Doesn't like nature. At all. It took me a while to accept this one. I had assumed that intentionally being in nature would be a source of spirituality, awe, and peace for everyone. My partner is not one of those people and only experiences extended time in nature as an annoying and inconvenient experience. But they find sources of awe and wonder and spirituality from other things such as art, music, literature, etc. We're all just different.
Mimi M 5 hours ago
Benign. Though he may have areas of nature that he prefers. I used to think I wasn't a big nature person, b/c I associated nature with green spaces, hills, mountains, forests. Turns out, my home is the sea.
kzys59pcrp 6 hours ago
I want to enjoy nature more but being allergic to d**n near everything out there, including the sun, I just stay inside.
Crystalwitch60 5 hours ago
at least you like it , I’m so sorry you have to live like that lovely 💔
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Bored Retsuko 2 hours ago (edited)
Maybe it's the act of "being in nature", going outside, walking... maybe he/she has some condition that makes it unenjoyable. You don't have to "be in nature" to appreciate it, though. There are houseplants, animals, documentaries, lots of ways to be in awe about nature.
#14
I found out a few days ago that my wife has been texting inappropriately with her boss, kissy emojis, going out for drinks and sushi, calling it date night. Still trying to understand the full scope of it and how to proceed.
Lady Eowyn 2 hours ago
Have a lawyer hire someone to deliver the divorce papers.
Load More Replies... #15
She likes feet gloves or whatever they’re called. Just seeing her wear them, wiggling her gloved toes, gives me anxiety.
Child of the Stars 7 hours ago (edited)
Compared to some of the others, this one is totally harmless.
UnclePanda 4 hours ago (edited)
I just had a flashback to the 1970s and an aunt's lovingly knitted toe socks with each toe done in at least three colors. Lovingly made with thick yarn. Thick, thick yarn. Our toes spanned almost 180*. Instant rainbow hobbit feet.
Crystalwitch60 6 hours ago (edited)
And the problem here is WHAT exactly ???they look rather comfy to me ,
While there are white lies or private thoughts we keep to protect ourselves, for some people holding back might also be a way to maintain a sense of independence or personal space within a relationship. And sometimes, keeping a secret simply feels safer than risking judgment or conflict. Some experts say that as long as we are clear about why we keep a secret, we can avoid obsessing over it.
#16
The most disturbing thing I found about a partner once was how they handled conflict, they’d go completely silent for days instead of talking things out. It wasn’t dramatic or explosive, just unsettling.
highwaycrossingfrog 3 hours ago
Could be manipulative, could be poor home environment where they were never taught healthy conflict resolution, and/or a*****e parents who punished them for negative emotions.
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#17
Was gonna say that my bf sometimes does calf raises in the shower and has a whole mini shower work out routine but i guess that’s not so bad after reading comments….
UnclePanda 3 hours ago (edited)
I do 45 seconds of the tree pose on each leg in the shower to give the soap time to work on my feet.
Crystalwitch60 5 hours ago
Its called time saving , plus warm water warms up the muscles , it’s actually good for you ,.
#18
She hung a Live Laugh Love thing on the wall.
I don't understand how someone who is otherwise 100% awesome does that. Disturbing for sure.
Crystalwitch60 6 hours ago
I do as well ,nothing disturbing about it it what so ever , sounds like a you issue not a her issue 😂
#19
His relationship with his mom. First when we moved in, big drama that she doesn’t get enough attention. Then constant messages good morning and good night. Then visits every week for coffee, tea, goes to her for lunch etc. I’m living with a man and i’m loosing respect for him. I see him as a mamas boy now and having hard time imagining our future together, and it’s breaking my heart.
I fell in love hard, for the first time in my life. And i’m broken that i’m starting to see him differently.
#20
When she eats Kit Kats , she doesn't break off pieces, she just eats the entire thing like it's one bar.
#21
My ex told me he was the victim of a lot of terrible trauma. It was how I explained away a lot of his bad behavior to myself.
He made up a lot of it! If not all of it. I can't know for sure if it's all made up, but the fact that at least a good chunk of it was made up doesn't fill me with hope.
I think he was very afraid of rejection and would twist the truth in horrible ways trying to make it impossible for me to leave. It makes me sad to think about, honestly. Must be harrowing to live in his brain. But good god am I relieved not to be around him anymore .
#22
He squeezes the toothpaste from the middle.
Experts point out that the types of secrets people keep also vary by gender. Women are more likely to keep secrets because they are worried their partners would not understand, while men are more likely scared that their partner would criticise or disapprove of their behaviour.
#23
My ex wife poisoned me for about 4 months.
kzys59pcrp 6 hours ago
Unless there’s more to the story this doesn’t say anything about the partner.
#24
She pours the milk before the cereal. I’m sleeping with a psychopath.
Stardust she/her 6 hours ago
OP, do you want soggy cereal? Do you enjoy the flaccidity of the cereal first thing in the morning? Because if you don’t do this you will get soggy cereal
Crystalwitch60 5 hours ago
Each to their own ! That’s as op issue not a her issue ! personally if n when I eat cereal , very very rarely , can’t drink milk it’s cereal then milk not very much off , but that’s my preference,
#25
He used to crack book spines intentionally so they would be "easier to read." I got him to stop by introducing him to audiobooks.
Child of the Stars 7 hours ago
I'm with him. But then, I firmly hold that books, like toys, are meant to be held and manhandled, not kept in pristine condition. A well-worn book tells a story as much as the text inside it.
Stardust she/her 6 hours ago
Well then how else am I supposed to keep the book open without stretching it from both ends? I’m a student who uses a lot of reference books and modules, I have to crack the spines to make life easier
Crystalwitch60 5 hours ago
So u stopped him reading real books , cos he reads them like PROPERLY w*f coercive or what , audio books are nt the same at all ,
#26
My husband only eats the bottom half of the asparagus.
Needless to say, I didn’t know that when I agreed to marry him.
#27
She has never, and will never watch Star Wars.
Michael Largey 32 minutes ago
I watched the first one only because my aged mother made me take her to see it. (She would watch anything Alec Guinness was in.)
UnclePanda 3 hours ago
My family showed up to the holidays with all 9 Star Wars movies in phone. We couldn't even talk about the different movies until I instituted new language "As filmed #1," and "As told #4" as part of each statement or question. It worked pretty well.
#28
He didn't like cats .
Michael Largey 33 minutes ago
I feel about cats pretty much the same way they feel about humans, although my indifference lacks the scornful quality of theirs.
Crystalwitch60 5 hours ago
INHUMAN !! that’s a deal breaker , ok I don’t own cats , but I like them , hope he saw himself out !
Lady Eowyn 2 hours ago
Do you use "inhuman" so much because you're projecting?
Load More Replies... #29
He told me stories about the two affairs he had (that his wife found out about). He was quite the storyteller and this was many, many years after the affairs and in fact he had been widowed for six years. As entertaining as these stories were, they didn't make me think more highly of him for sure.
#30
She says "excape." We've got two kids so I'll stay.
Angela Corvaia 3 hours ago (edited)
I cannot break my husband of 'Supposubly". Drives me crazy, along with 'crouch' instead of 'cr..otch'. His mom said it that way as well. He cannot hear the difference.
Emilu 3 hours ago
Torlet? (That one could be an Aussie-ism, admittedly. Still annoying AF though.)
Detroit Citizen 3 hours ago
Warsh.. Warsh cloth, warshing machine. Im in Michigan so it usually wash. I understand in the south, deep south, they say warsh with a twang. Up here its just weird. But we do say doorwall (sliding glass doors in homes) party store (beer and liqueur) everyone here says pop, i say soda to be "different" lol. I do find i like the Aussie slang, and how you use the C word so much. Here its the no no word unless you are beyond beyond upset with them, still not great lol
Load More Replies... #31
My girlfriend had a secret online persona, it was weird seeing her completely different personality online.
#32
He actually likes popcorn MORE when it is stale. The man is a freak! But he's my freak lol.
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