Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, high salaries and breezing by on ‘easy mode’ when you’re a man. No matter your gender, life is challenging. Your purpose isn’t handed to you on a silver platter. And happiness isn’t a guarantee if you don’t strive to move toward it. And there are a lot of things that guys would love everyone to know about what it’s actually like to be a man. Though, sometimes, we’re far too shy to say them out loud.
However, anonymity helps. Internet users have taken to Reddit to share the most annoying things about being a guy, after being prompted to open up their hearts by user u/justjuiced22. The answers, which you’ll find below, are candid and range from the silly-yet-relatable to the more serious. Have a read through the posts as you scroll down and upvote the ones that you agree with or that you were surprised by.
Do you have some thoughts on your mind that you’d like to share with the other readers? That’s what the comment section is there for, Pandas. So don’t be shy, share your own insights about the viral Reddit thread and what these men’s answers say about society, below.
I reached out to fitness expert Jack Bly for a few comments about masculinity, confidence, and men's issues. Here's what he had to say. "I’d say biggest issues that men have to deal with nowadays revolve around their inputs. Social media, TV, music, etc. Most people have inputs that constantly spout negativity and victim mentality. These inputs ultimately dictate their thoughts and as a result of their actions," he told Bored Panda. Scroll down for the full interview with Jack.
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When I'm out alone with my toddler a lot of women look at me as if I'm an anomaly and a lot of guys look at me as if I'm being forced to do this. Like the "oof sorry bro" face.
It's weird that being a good dad is apparently such a rare thing that when I'm fully in charge of my son people assume there's something wrong with me and my partners relationship. I just like spending time with my son and pushing a stroller doesn't make me less of a man.
It makes you more than a man. Being a guy makes you man, spending time with your son makes you a dad. So now you are both a man and a dad.
His superhero name will be known as "Mandad". Jokes aside, he still is a hero <3
Load More Replies...Is this really a thing in the US? It is pretty normal here (Europe) that you do things with your kid as a dad.
I've seen this kind of story a lot, but I was the stay-at-home dad (in the US) with both of my kids, and never got any kid of strange looks or questions, at the park or in stores, etc.
Load More Replies...Thank you! I can't tell you how many times I've had people make comments or give me looks when it's just me with my kids. Yes, I'm 1/2 of the parent team so yes, I take care of my kids as well.
Wow never thought of that. I live in the Netherlands and see a lot of guys with their kids. The thought never crossed my mind.
Load More Replies...I can identify. My daughter is in college now but when I used to take her places as a toddler people either complimented me for "babysitting" my own kid or gushed over how I was an involved dad. The truth is MOST dads are involved with their kids... but our stereotypes and media make Homer Simpson seem like the norm, not the terrible exception.
Oh god- I can't ride a bike Period. This would just be death for me
Load More Replies...Every time I'm asked if I'm "babysitting" my own kid I want to throttle someone
My wife passed away, a year after our son was born. So I am a single dad for four years now (in Germany). Eventhough it seems more common here for fathers to spend time with their kids, I know looks or comments from strangers...
I lost my wife too and raised my daughter on my own. I know what you mean about the looks and comments from strangers, having to endured them myself over the years. It makes you feel like you constantly have to justify yourself to people who have no business judging you in the first place. Keep strong friend, you don't need to answer to anyone elses expectations, you're just being a good father to your boy. :)
Load More Replies...I used to push my daughter around in a stroller because I liked going on walks. If I was given looks I didn't even notice.
I work a lot and my wife takes care of most of the day to day stuff with our kids. I absolutely cherish going out and being silly with my kids. I have people all the time come up and say "You're such a good dad" because I will randomly dance and act goofy with my daughters. Truth is I am having as much fun (if not more) than they are and outside of my family, I don't give a flip what anyone else thinks.
My nephew has chronic health problems after having a kidney transplant as a teenager. He lives in a resort town now. He's married with two children. His wife has a good job and he's the stay at home father. One of his kids is special needs and it's exhausting to care for her, her autism is a kind that makes her so active. I guarantee he's got the hardest job. I'm extremely proud of the man he lives. Problem is, people in town really look down on him because he stays home with the kids. It's terrible that people don't appreciate what fathers do.
I got so fuc*ing sick of moms and nannies at the playground patronizing the hell out of me by saying garbage like "Oh how great...you get to babysit while your wife does _______" No you POS I am NOT babysitting, I AM PARENTING.
You are at the tipping point between old and new, it's just taking the world a while to catch up with you. They were born into the old way, your children have been born into the new.
Load More Replies...Well, I guess women in the seventies must have felt the exact same way when they started flying planes, etc.
Women have been flying planes almost as long as men.
Load More Replies...My husband used to get upset when people said: Oh, you’re babysitting!
It's weird that just being with your kid is considered "being a good dad."
Anyone can be a father (sperm donor) but it takes a real man to be a Dad!!! You are awesome!!!!
Never got this. My dad loved spending time with me and my siblings. I never thought of a man as a lesser parent.
I call B.S. I have been an active dad to 3 children that are now grown and never have I seen this sort of negativity. I know a lot of other dads that are active as well, it's normal not rare.
Fortunately, this trend is slowly changing: it was like that and worse with my first, with the second- already ok-ish, now, with boy Nr. 3, I am still a rarity, but at least not an unnatural one.
My grandfather had about 15 minutes per day of overlap with his children being awake. He would come home from a 12, 13 hour night shift and play catch with them in the yard before they left for school. You can be sure he didn't miss those 15 minutes, not for anything in the world. Spend time with your kids if you can, especially when they're young, it's never time wasted.
There are women that look at that man and think is he single? But also, sadly, people will look at that man and think he's kidnapped a child. Just read am article about a white woman w/her mixed daughter taking a flight that was stopped for kidnapping that child. 😢
According to fitness expert Jack, the biggest issue for men is not having a purpose in life. That, in turn, affects all areas of a person's life. " I believe the core of being a good man is in true purpose. Men without purpose tend to be unhappy, depressed, lost," Jack shared his thoughts with Bored Panda.
"Figure out your purpose by getting clear on your values and what’s most important to you. As far as activities go, I’m always an advocate of pursuing good health as that is our foundation for our mind, energy, and mood."
Jack added that he believes there "absolutely" is "a crisis for confidence among men." In his view, the reasons for this are obvious. "Most men have no reason to be confident. 73% are overweight, 80% are in debt, 50% are divorced. The best thing men can do to overcome this is to commit to the journey of self-development and finding their purpose," he said.
The expert advocates pursuing excellence in health, wealth, and relationships. "When you do this, you provide yourself true reasons to build confidence."
Male eating disorders get zero attention.
Bless Andrew Flintoff for speaking up about his bulimia struggles. We need more and we need it yesterday, too many males have been lost to this and it really sucks. You can't find help for your friend because he's male and it's so stupid. This was in the mid-2000s but it's no better today. Everyone can have eating disorders its not just women, and we all deserve support for it
Getting very few/no compliments from my SO. I want to be told nice things about myself too.
I think this depends a lot on the person you are with. Most women I know like giving compliments to ppl they love.
The thread links to the broader discussion of what guys and ‘real men’ should and shouldn’t do, what behaviors are frowned upon by society, and understanding of masculinity leads to a healthy, happy lifestyle.
A short while ago, I spoke about men’s issues and masculinity with redditor M_RONA who gave some great in-depth insights on the topic.
"I think, as men, we need to be more open about our issues and acknowledge the fact that we face some tough [stuff], often imposed on us by other guys. There’s nothing wrong with being honest about what’s bothering us, and I think just being able to talk about some of the issues we face would be a major contributing factor to our general well-being. Something as simple as just asking our friends how they’re doing in life could go a long way!" he told Bored Panda in an honest and open interview.
Dealing with other men. The number of testosterone poisoned, porcelain figurine fragile ego having bastards seems endless.
The assumption that because I am the father that I don't know, or am incapable of taking care of my kids. People ask my wife all the time if she needs to rush home when she leaves the kids with me. I am not a babysitter, I know what I am doing.
Yeah, this is a big one. I gave my number (as the main contact) to my eldest's school and my youngest's childminder, as I work from home and live 5 mins away from both. But they always call my wife first. She works about 30 mins away from the school and childminder.
Not being able to talk about our emotions. Like hello, hi, I am a human being who would like to talk about their problems without the feeling of being judged.
According to M_RONA, one thing that’s happening in modern times is that the term ‘toxic masculinity’ gets taken way out of context, gets used where it shouldn’t, and sometimes misrepresents reality.
"While I absolutely agree that there are many male traits taken to the extreme that have horrible consequences for the people around them, I think the term is sadly being overused to mislabel normal and perfectly healthy male behavior," he explained.
The interviewee noted that it’s often other men who pressure guys into conforming and acting a certain way. This, in turn, can make it very hard for men to be emotionally vulnerable when they need to be.
This might seem petty or dumb, but right now, my fiancée and I are planning our wedding (She's female, I'm Male, we're a hetero couple).
I'm SUPER into the planning. I'm not at all a typical "macho" "cant be bothered with the frills and pomps" type of dude. I'm having fun helping putting together this day for my best friend and I!
Everytime we meet with a vendor they solely talk to her and ignore me entirely, acting on an assumption that she's a typical "Bridezilla" planning this day single handedly and I'm just some Bro she's shacking up with. When I do pitch in, the vendors almost act in an "ooooook, dont worry big guy, leave this to the adults" kind of way. It's more obvious in some than it is in others, but its damn infuriating. It's extremely frustrating and belittling. My fiancée is aware of it, and sticks up for me when necessary.
Like snap dude, you're damn straight I've got an opinion on the aesthetic of our f@#$ing orchid placement, take me seriously!
I hope you're in a large enough city to find different vendors. If vendors don't respect your opinion, they obviously don't want your money. Take it to someone without the outdated gender norms.
Being physically and mentally abused usually means a lot less to people than if it were a girl who were the victim. If the girl's the abuser and you're the victim almost no one will care at all and will almost always shame you for it. And when you try to defend yourself against a female, you're looked at like the monster
My bro is a copper and one of has "regulars" was a body builder who was being beaten by his mrs. He was over 6' and built like a brick shithouse, she was 5'2" and 7 stone sopping wet. Whenever the cops arrived she'd pretend like she was the one being beaten and it never went any further. One day he just said to my bro "mate, look at me. If I hit her she'd be dead". Bro tried really hard to go for a conviction for her, but the CPS wouldn't touch it.
Not being socially acceptable to carry a purse.
Like yeah, I'd love to always have my earbuds, phone charger, deodorant, small cologne sampler, and be able to store my keys, wallet, and phone without either stabbing my legs with keys when the pants are tight or having my phone slip out when I'm getting out of cars with loose fitting pants. I can think of so many things I'd bring in my man purse...
Most Russian men carry a small purse/ document bag because of all the documents/ masks/ chargers etc you must carry. No one thinks it is odd.
“A lot of guys were talking about how, as a man, they found it extremely difficult to talk and be open about their feelings. I think that stems from this notion that men are supposed to be so hardened and stoic that we never let things get to us, and if we ever experience a negative emotion, we shouldn’t process it, we should just bottle it up and 'be a man.'"
According to M_RONA, having a stoic attitude and a hardened mind are “certainly virtuous values” that help in life. But if these values are taken to the extreme and repress any and all emotions, the end result can be very harmful.
“The basic attitude of 'men should do this, and women should do that' is hampering to both men and women, I think, something both sexes are guilty of doing, unfortunately," M_RONA shared with Bored Panda.
"I think we all face issues of conformity and set expectations for what we’re supposed to do, and I guess it’s up to all of us to promote and cheer on people who don’t fit into certain categories that we make for ourselves.”
Honestly, I think the most annoying thing is the competitiveness of other males. Especially when it comes to women. I’ve been out with gfs and some dude will come up and blatantly start hitting on her. We’d make it apparent that we’re together and then the ridicule starts. “You’re with this guy?” “I bet he really sucks at ____.” “I could be better than him.” That alpha male s**t bugs the hell out of me.
I'm 20, have no facial hair, very little muscle mass (barely started working out this year), almost no stamina, kissless, virgin, got slapped at a party recently (by some drunk dude), and I collect action figures (I'm still working on not being too ashamed of this one).
I feel like a total loser sometimes. Like I'm not a real man. It hurts, but at the same time I don't want to try to put on a fake man mask or anything. I guess I'm just too young to figure these things out.
Muscles don't matter, you get to choose when and who you want to share your affection with, and you don't need anyone to tell you that you are awesome, you are! I've been in the Army for 21 years and I've met the biggest douchebags who were muscular egotists (I used to be one of them), people of a slimmer frame, and heavy set people and society focuses on physical attributes over what's most important; your character and how you treat people. As for collectables, I'm 41 and still like them. The times of people being looked at as weird for enjoying pop culture are fading. Those who judge people on their own personal hobbies do not know what they are missing. One of the things that took me almost 20 years to realize is that you have to love yourself first and appreciate the things you love without caring what others think. Do not try to be something you are not just to fit in societie's mold of what you think a man should be. Look for people with common interests and you'll find that there are entire communities of people that love what you love. If you want to get in shape, that's great for health but don't let those attributes define you. Best of luck!
Walking into a public restroom and getting your shoes stuck to the ground because of all the dried piss on the floor.
Sadly not just a man only thing, particularly in restrooms with Turkish toilets
Meanwhile, British psychotherapist Silva Neves told Bored Panda that toxic masculinity is mostly centered around a “general attitude perpetuated by systemic misogyny” than specific behaviors.
He detailed that at the core of these “distorted ideas” lie things like the notion that men should “always be winners,” shouldn’t feel any vulnerability, and shouldn’t be perceived as weak or soft.
“Men with toxic masculinity usually have negative views towards women's rights (including their rights to the freedom of their own sexuality) and they tend to be homophobic,” the expert said.
“A man with healthy masculinity is the opposite to these traits: someone who is self-reflective, embraces their emotions including sadness, anxiety and crying, a man who isn't afraid of their own femininity and believes that women are equal, and therefore are very clear about respecting boundaries and consent with women.”
Being told that my emotions don't matter. You know what happens when people bottle up their emotions? They either kill themselves or end up on the 6:00 news.
The stigma that every time I talk to a woman I don't know I automatically want to date them. Like f**k maybe I like talking to women because men don't open up about feelings and women actually listen just lookin for a friend man.
It is a "stigma" because it is more or less a rule. All women have had male friends they thought were their friend that turned out to just want to get in their pants. The term "Friend zoned" exist cause of all those men who pretend to be your friend.
Less annoying and more upsetting but: The lack of mental health outreach for men.
i saw and heard some woman in the news just says stuff like: to hell with mens, we are more important, it's our turn. this is just some shitty way to think. it wasn't ok to threat woman like that before but it's not ok to take revenge at those who wasn't even there when all that happen
Shopping for clothes. I've noticed in every clothing store, we have this small corner in the back of the store for our clothes then the rest of the store is 95% female clothing.
You're expected to just deal with a lot of things that girls would get help with.
i agree like if your car breaks down and you call for roadside assistance lone women are given priority like as a guy were supposed to just wait and fend off attackers for hours
Everything in your life is a competition. Every. F***ing. Thing.
All the societal pressure that on you to initiate, fix, pay, provide etc.
Yeah, I hate that men's success is measured by their wealth. Fortunately, my wife and I work the same number of hours, and she actually earns more than me.
Being judged almost exclusively on one's financial stability, in an economy that makes financial stability very difficult to achieve.
I earn enough to pay the bills and look after my kids, with a little left over to add to our savings pot. This should feel like enough, but it doesn't. I feel like I should own a chalet in the Swiss Alps in order to be considered financially successful.
The male stereotypes. Sometimes a guy needs to cry and just let stuff out. Or being strong and doing physical work isn't his thing.
Always being expected to make the first move towards the woman.
for once i would like a woman that likes me to do that myself personally i am scared to make the first move in case i have mis read the signs like i think they are in to me but are just being friendly
Living in fear of being labeled as a "creep" or "pervert" for trying to talk to a girl
Used to be getting random b*ners at inappropriate times. Now, it's not being able to get a b*ner at appropriate times.
We can all relate to this one. If only we had control of our penises!
Being the person to go check out the noise that just happened in a creepy place, to promptly be brutally murdered by some evil demon spirit
I used to work as a security guard supervisor. I had many many men tell me they needed a different job site because the one they were at (usually a new development site) was freaking them out. I never ever berated them, I would talk it out, see how impacted they were and would often pull them off the site for another less creepy site. It’s okay to feel fear, it’s okay to not want to be afraid, it’s okay to feel fear and challenge it and it’s okay to feel fear and invest in a dog to have your back
Probably the fact that we're expected to have the courage to approach women at bars or wherever else, which wouldn't be so intimidating if the perception of said flirting didn't depend entirely on how attractive they happen to find us. We're told "the worst thing she can do is say no" but it feels pretty s**tty when she and her friends straight up laugh as you walk away, or even worse, to your face. As someone fairly middle of the road in terms of looks, it's like "Oh boy, am I gonna have a fun conversation or are she and her friends gonna laugh at me, let's roll those dice!!!" Most of the women I talk to who decide they're not interested are polite about it and I appreciate those people, but some are just mean, and most of us guys aren't quite as emotionless as we're supposed to be. That stuff is a big feels bad.
also approaching a woman and being seen as a creep because they don't find you attractive
Baldness. Some can make it work for them, but most can't.
Trying to shave those damn hairs on your Adam’s apple without slicing your throat open
People saying that men alone with their kids are "babysitting"
We have a toddler and she is the biggest daddy's girl. My husband takes her everywhere alone and as far as he's told me only gets people saying it's very cute. We've lived all over the US and are currently in Texas, and honestly here because people seem to be a lot friendlier and more outgoing than other states he always comes home and says they get lots of smiles. He's never had someone ask if he's babysitting or act like it's abnornal
Never being approached by women. I'm sure it also has to do alot with looks but I can't really change that and multiple back to back rejections make you less interested in trying to initiate, you just feel like a bother at a certain point.
Society's view of what's masculine when you're a straight small male that doesn't try to be super masculine.
People instantly assuming you’re a pedophile when you try to talk to younger girls. Like can’t I just be nice. Girls aren’t judged when they talk to younger guys.
This one is tough. As someone who was a younger girl, a LOT of the older men who would talk to me would start nice, then quickly become a creep as I dropped my guard (talking about my body, asking if my chest was real, creeeepy). This was the majority, I'd actually feel a little surprised if someone was just being nice. I think the bad eggs ruin it for the nice men, this one is really sad. I was a nurse though and it does happen to men too, soo many older women would hit on our male nurses or try to touch them. I would shut that s**t down so fast. Creepy old lady.
I'm in Iran and in Iran, men must perform a 2 years Forced military service after age 18 in a really bad situation and if you don't you can't travel to another country! as a male it's really annoying for me because I don't want to waste 2 years of my life.
Yeah my Russian students try to hide from the army too ( one year forced service) by getting fake letters about fitness issues or staying enrolled in uni till they are 27. I think its a crap system. No one likes it and they can't learn enough to be really effective fighters
Assuming everything doesn't mean anything to me. Like I love my friends and girlfriend, I like my stuff, people don't seem to get that
People assuming youre gay for liking certain things like;
"girly" drinks
listening to Lady Gaga/One direction/madonna (for example)
not liking sports
hanging out with girls
being dramatic Like, its just weird. This doesnt stop me from doing this, but the fact that guys are made to feel ashamed for these things is horrible. (Nothing wrong with being gay, its just not that fun when youre actually NOT gay.)
Other guys being completely disgusting in public restrooms, there's f***ing puddles in front of the urinal, hair on the bottom of the urinal, toilet paper strewn across the place, and they don't flush sometimes even when #2. Gross.
Nobody really cares about your well-being except your mom.
And when you show her affection your are a mommies boy... Luckily I don't mind being one...
Men’s swimming suits. . The mesh on the inside rubs and chafes your upper thighs. The only solution is to either wear speedos (gross) or underwear under my shorts while swimming.
Being told that you are privileged by people with more money and privilege than you.
Not a specific "men only" thing. Entitled idiots don't care about gender when it comes to making stupid comments.
Everyone expects me to lift and carry the heavy s**t.
This is the only area where in general men are of an advantage to women: physical strength. That's just how it is.
Most girls expecting you to pay for everything all the time.
I'm less likely to be offered help.
Probably a bit of a drastic solution, but bring a baby/toddler out with you. Whenever I take my kid out in the stroller, I get help from everyone. People open doors for me, help carry bags, and are more patient with me e.g. when trying to pack groceries in a supermarket.
I do not really like much of anything about it. Male parts kind of get in the way a lot, and I am always worried that they stand out, because if they do then others will find me creepy. Also I sweat a lot! And it is smelly and I do not like that. Perhaps it is strange, but I kind of really wish that I could smell nice! And... I do kind of want to try to wear a dress, but I feel like that would attract negative attention. I feel like everything I want to do is the exact opposite of what would be masculine and I hate it
We are expected to be sex experts. I had sex only once, don't expect too much from me.
It feels wrong to cry. I just finished season 3 of stranger things and cried. It was a good but sad moment.
A real man is someone who's not afraid to show their emotions and let it all out.
Expectations of the society, Which will inevitably and conveniently vary based on the circumstances, and more often than not, once fulfilled, you'd still be largely uncredited for, since that's what Men/guys are "supposed" to do.
Having to make the first move.
This is an evolutionary thing that goes back to the time when Grug hit his preferred mate over the head with his f**k stick and dragged her back to his cave to do the dirty with her.
The automatic assumption that we should be the ones responsible for handling the vast majority of physically demanding, or otherwise difficult or unpleasant tasks in virtually any scenario involving both men and women.
Peeing, then shaking it, even dabbing the tip with a square of tissue...but still dribbling a little piss in my drawers. Also, ass hair.
When you are single you are supposed to be the aggressive but not too aggressive....and that amount varies according to the girl. Some women prefer to be the initiator but that's rare.
Singleness. Wanting something that's out of my reach(companionship). Life would be so much easier if I simply did not want a girlfriend. It's not like women are to blame. I don't resent anyone other than myself for it. But I hate that I want something that is out of my ability to control. It's inconvenient and causes a lot of suffering.
Hearing girls complain all the time how hard it is being a girl. Because obviously boys have everything perfect, and because every problem that only women can fix.
Both genders suffer toxic s**t, but it's not talked about equally. This is your guys thread and your turn to be heard ❤
I have far more body hair than I ever wanted.
Mine just keeps moving south. In another few years I will be bald, but have feet like a hobbit!
Nothing is really annoying, but whoever designed boxers I straight up want to fight them for making such an uncomfortable product
Boxer briefs. Comfortable, and they create a flattering optical illusion.
And this is why feminism is so important for everyone. Most men that I met complain about this issues but they are not aware that they come from sexism and that the solution is feminism, not misoginy. Men, we believe you and want to help you but you need to step up! I know that there are many feminist men but sadly they are still in the minority.
Its also important to notice that most of this issues are about peopel judging you, not legal or physical limitations. Everyone needs to learn to be themselves and not give in the stupid and harmful gender roles. Is society that has the problem and needs to change, not you. There is not a proper way to be a man. You are a man if you cry. You are a man with long hair. You are a man if you like flowers. You are a man if your girlfriend earns more than you...
Load More Replies...Can we normalize being like Tolkien’s men? They were brave, kind, and loyal. They cried and showed emotion. They were never disrespectful to women or each other.
Right? The books are quite sexist when it comes to women (but its a product of the time so its understandable). But it showed an amazing example of positive masculinity for men and boys.
Load More Replies...This is another reason why we all need to work together to dismantle gender norms. They hurt everyone.
Gender norms are exactly that, normal. Nothing wrong with normal, last I new it was normal.
Load More Replies...We need more of these posts. I'd like to add one myself, though I'm not a man, that a friend once complained about. If you are a man and have a female as a best friend you are either thought to be dating, cheating (if you're in a relationship) or gay. It's absolute BS.
I agree. I always had very close male friends and its insane how many people doesnt believe in men and women being friends. Most of my partners friends are women and i love them, why would i have a problem with that?
Load More Replies...One great step would be to stop categorizing between men and women and just putting people being HUMAN before anything else. Creates way less problems, tension and stress in social interactions. Could be the misanthrope in me speaking, but i avoided a lot of problems in life doing it that way
Yes and no. It is important tot alk about our isses separately because they are different. But for the rest of the time I agree, our society should be more gebder neutral. Like why the f**k is my sex on my ID? It's nobodies bussiness (except my partner and doctors)
Load More Replies...Addition: People in online forums assuming you're a privileged, racist, misogynist simply because you're a white male. Nah...you don't even know me. And if you did you'd know that I'm gay, have worked my entire life to be where I am, and am married to an immigrant. Take your toxic assumptions elsewhere.
But you are privileged if you are a white male (in white dominant countries at least). That's a simple fact. You just need to stop thinking that "privileged" is a dirty word, or that it means that you have an "easy life". Your life could be full of challenges, it just happens that the color of your skin isn't one of those challenges.
Load More Replies...The world has not become "Gender Neutral" as long as people with different genders get treated differently or have different expectations placed on them because of their gender.
We should really strive for a gender neutral society
Load More Replies...Sorry guys, but if you are hurting inside, go ahead & spend the bucks to go see a psychologist or counselor. If you can't do this, go for a talk with your pastor or priest, it's part of their job. If you try to talk to just about anyone else, they will look down on you for it. And most of them will eventually gossip on you. A licensed psychologist is prohibited from doing this by law. If he breaks that rule, he can lose his license. If you have severe depression, go see a psychiatrist (but discretely). He can prescribe meds that will help. Don't just suffer quietly being a strong, silent, "Marlboro Man" type. It's not worth it. And there are really good new medicines out there that really will help. It's a manly thing to deal with this in a positive manner. It is not unmanly.
Let's speak the truth: No matter how awesome a person may be, you just need to slap the "ugh, this person is gaaaay" argument onto them to invalidate them. Honestly, the world would be so much better if everyone just let everyone be without that gender stereotype bullshit.
sad to say, there are a lot of judgmental hypocrites out there that love to go around making this accusation & gossip. I know someone at work who was labeled as GAY because he drank hot green tea for the afternoon break instead of a soft drink. This guy was a health food enthusiast. He explained that green tea has all sorts of benefits over carbonated flavored syrup water, but the critics were not convinced. This labeling act is a control thing rather than concern over who they bed down with. They label people to gain control over them. It is also a form of compensating.
Load More Replies...Honestly curious: what percentage of guys believe women when they say they are handsome? I never have and don't think i ever will. Curious if this is just my glitch or of it's a societal idea. And don't say "Jason Momoa is looooovely, so obviously guys can be lovely." Yes, he is totally lovely and i'd love to kiss his belly, but i'm talking about general guys, not demigods :)
I don't. I look in the mirror and know I am 'passable' but when a woman compliments me, I always feel that it comes from wishing to avoid hurting my feelings, rather than being true. I know that -in general- women are talking more about the person as a whole than just physical, but it still comes across as disingenuous.
Load More Replies...The issues the men are talking about here are all results of centuries of patriarchy that kept women subordinate to men. Now men are at the point of suffering from this oppressive system. In order to change the status quo, men are going to have to go through the same mockery, judgment, opposition and obstacles that women have had to go through in order to free themselves. Most of the problems are wanting to feel/behave/be seen a certain way (rather than impingements on actual freedom). The answer every time is to be who you want to be, speak out about the things you care about, and accept that sometimes people are not going to accept your choices. But if they are important, you do them anyway and you speak out, regardless of how other people react.
On public forums like this, or on social media, I see many women who are very supportive of men showing emotions. But in my real life, face to face, with people I know, I've NEVER met a woman who actually wanted to know that I wasn't 100% feeling happy and okay. and any time I've ever shared my feelings, I've never known any woman who felt anything but contempt and a loss of respect for me because I confessed to a moment of weakness, and that includes very close friends and relatives. Women don't want sensitive men who are in touch with their feelings. It's just something they say. They don't want men who feel down, or feel weak, or cry. So it's really no wonder a lot of men get shamed into limiting their emotions.
Then you really did not met thw right kind of women. All my female friends and I want men to be open about their feelings.
Load More Replies...My biggest issue is ingratitude. A lot of women just assume that men pay for everything etc or take care of ‘man stuff’. Its very rare that I've seen women say thank you. I’ve been married for over 20 years and can’t remember the last time my wife said even a thanks or an acknowledgment of my effort. My friends have the same issue. I’m a doctor and my female partners and nurses take each other for granted as well. And yes I pay all the bills. And yes I’m the primary caregiver to our kids in addition to working to primarily support the family. I was taught to say please and thank you from a young age. I feel that a lot of women just take our efforts for granted.
Unfair divorces where men are left destitute and the woman gets everything.
This has got to change. If I were a guy, I'd be kind of scared to get married and have kids. I was shocked by the inequities my hubby had to endure when dealing with the financial and childcare shenanigans his ex pulled.
Load More Replies...Holy mackerel - where do you live?? The women have to wait until marriage to have sex, the men can't say they feel unhappy without a non-disclosure agreement, and a man has to ask permission from his wife to see male friends because she thinks she married a closeted gay man and she can make him straight. Dude, make contacts outside that culture. Outside support will come in handy if you decide to leave and get shunned by your community.
Load More Replies..."I saw a thing happen one time, so that means it's happening everywhere all the time!"
Load More Replies...That sucks and would probably be a relationship breaker? Imagine having no opinion on having a vasectomy though...
Load More Replies...Maybe consider yourself lucky then? Just because you haven't experienced this doesn't make other people liars
Load More Replies...I dunno man, if women are never satisfied with you, what's the common denominator in those situations?
Load More Replies...And this is why feminism is so important for everyone. Most men that I met complain about this issues but they are not aware that they come from sexism and that the solution is feminism, not misoginy. Men, we believe you and want to help you but you need to step up! I know that there are many feminist men but sadly they are still in the minority.
Its also important to notice that most of this issues are about peopel judging you, not legal or physical limitations. Everyone needs to learn to be themselves and not give in the stupid and harmful gender roles. Is society that has the problem and needs to change, not you. There is not a proper way to be a man. You are a man if you cry. You are a man with long hair. You are a man if you like flowers. You are a man if your girlfriend earns more than you...
Load More Replies...Can we normalize being like Tolkien’s men? They were brave, kind, and loyal. They cried and showed emotion. They were never disrespectful to women or each other.
Right? The books are quite sexist when it comes to women (but its a product of the time so its understandable). But it showed an amazing example of positive masculinity for men and boys.
Load More Replies...This is another reason why we all need to work together to dismantle gender norms. They hurt everyone.
Gender norms are exactly that, normal. Nothing wrong with normal, last I new it was normal.
Load More Replies...We need more of these posts. I'd like to add one myself, though I'm not a man, that a friend once complained about. If you are a man and have a female as a best friend you are either thought to be dating, cheating (if you're in a relationship) or gay. It's absolute BS.
I agree. I always had very close male friends and its insane how many people doesnt believe in men and women being friends. Most of my partners friends are women and i love them, why would i have a problem with that?
Load More Replies...One great step would be to stop categorizing between men and women and just putting people being HUMAN before anything else. Creates way less problems, tension and stress in social interactions. Could be the misanthrope in me speaking, but i avoided a lot of problems in life doing it that way
Yes and no. It is important tot alk about our isses separately because they are different. But for the rest of the time I agree, our society should be more gebder neutral. Like why the f**k is my sex on my ID? It's nobodies bussiness (except my partner and doctors)
Load More Replies...Addition: People in online forums assuming you're a privileged, racist, misogynist simply because you're a white male. Nah...you don't even know me. And if you did you'd know that I'm gay, have worked my entire life to be where I am, and am married to an immigrant. Take your toxic assumptions elsewhere.
But you are privileged if you are a white male (in white dominant countries at least). That's a simple fact. You just need to stop thinking that "privileged" is a dirty word, or that it means that you have an "easy life". Your life could be full of challenges, it just happens that the color of your skin isn't one of those challenges.
Load More Replies...The world has not become "Gender Neutral" as long as people with different genders get treated differently or have different expectations placed on them because of their gender.
We should really strive for a gender neutral society
Load More Replies...Sorry guys, but if you are hurting inside, go ahead & spend the bucks to go see a psychologist or counselor. If you can't do this, go for a talk with your pastor or priest, it's part of their job. If you try to talk to just about anyone else, they will look down on you for it. And most of them will eventually gossip on you. A licensed psychologist is prohibited from doing this by law. If he breaks that rule, he can lose his license. If you have severe depression, go see a psychiatrist (but discretely). He can prescribe meds that will help. Don't just suffer quietly being a strong, silent, "Marlboro Man" type. It's not worth it. And there are really good new medicines out there that really will help. It's a manly thing to deal with this in a positive manner. It is not unmanly.
Let's speak the truth: No matter how awesome a person may be, you just need to slap the "ugh, this person is gaaaay" argument onto them to invalidate them. Honestly, the world would be so much better if everyone just let everyone be without that gender stereotype bullshit.
sad to say, there are a lot of judgmental hypocrites out there that love to go around making this accusation & gossip. I know someone at work who was labeled as GAY because he drank hot green tea for the afternoon break instead of a soft drink. This guy was a health food enthusiast. He explained that green tea has all sorts of benefits over carbonated flavored syrup water, but the critics were not convinced. This labeling act is a control thing rather than concern over who they bed down with. They label people to gain control over them. It is also a form of compensating.
Load More Replies...Honestly curious: what percentage of guys believe women when they say they are handsome? I never have and don't think i ever will. Curious if this is just my glitch or of it's a societal idea. And don't say "Jason Momoa is looooovely, so obviously guys can be lovely." Yes, he is totally lovely and i'd love to kiss his belly, but i'm talking about general guys, not demigods :)
I don't. I look in the mirror and know I am 'passable' but when a woman compliments me, I always feel that it comes from wishing to avoid hurting my feelings, rather than being true. I know that -in general- women are talking more about the person as a whole than just physical, but it still comes across as disingenuous.
Load More Replies...The issues the men are talking about here are all results of centuries of patriarchy that kept women subordinate to men. Now men are at the point of suffering from this oppressive system. In order to change the status quo, men are going to have to go through the same mockery, judgment, opposition and obstacles that women have had to go through in order to free themselves. Most of the problems are wanting to feel/behave/be seen a certain way (rather than impingements on actual freedom). The answer every time is to be who you want to be, speak out about the things you care about, and accept that sometimes people are not going to accept your choices. But if they are important, you do them anyway and you speak out, regardless of how other people react.
On public forums like this, or on social media, I see many women who are very supportive of men showing emotions. But in my real life, face to face, with people I know, I've NEVER met a woman who actually wanted to know that I wasn't 100% feeling happy and okay. and any time I've ever shared my feelings, I've never known any woman who felt anything but contempt and a loss of respect for me because I confessed to a moment of weakness, and that includes very close friends and relatives. Women don't want sensitive men who are in touch with their feelings. It's just something they say. They don't want men who feel down, or feel weak, or cry. So it's really no wonder a lot of men get shamed into limiting their emotions.
Then you really did not met thw right kind of women. All my female friends and I want men to be open about their feelings.
Load More Replies...My biggest issue is ingratitude. A lot of women just assume that men pay for everything etc or take care of ‘man stuff’. Its very rare that I've seen women say thank you. I’ve been married for over 20 years and can’t remember the last time my wife said even a thanks or an acknowledgment of my effort. My friends have the same issue. I’m a doctor and my female partners and nurses take each other for granted as well. And yes I pay all the bills. And yes I’m the primary caregiver to our kids in addition to working to primarily support the family. I was taught to say please and thank you from a young age. I feel that a lot of women just take our efforts for granted.
Unfair divorces where men are left destitute and the woman gets everything.
This has got to change. If I were a guy, I'd be kind of scared to get married and have kids. I was shocked by the inequities my hubby had to endure when dealing with the financial and childcare shenanigans his ex pulled.
Load More Replies...Holy mackerel - where do you live?? The women have to wait until marriage to have sex, the men can't say they feel unhappy without a non-disclosure agreement, and a man has to ask permission from his wife to see male friends because she thinks she married a closeted gay man and she can make him straight. Dude, make contacts outside that culture. Outside support will come in handy if you decide to leave and get shunned by your community.
Load More Replies..."I saw a thing happen one time, so that means it's happening everywhere all the time!"
Load More Replies...That sucks and would probably be a relationship breaker? Imagine having no opinion on having a vasectomy though...
Load More Replies...Maybe consider yourself lucky then? Just because you haven't experienced this doesn't make other people liars
Load More Replies...I dunno man, if women are never satisfied with you, what's the common denominator in those situations?
Load More Replies...