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“No One Uses Bedsheets”: 41 Culture Shocks International Couples Experienced After Marriage
One of the best parts of any romantic relationship is slowly getting to know your significant other. However, some behavioral quirks and oddities might not reveal themselves until later in your dating history, when you move in or get married.
Married people who said “I do” to someone from a different country opened up online about the mild cultural shocks that they felt once they got to know their spouses even better. We’ve curated the best stories so you can read all about their experiences.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My husband is Canadian.
**Universal Healthcare comes up a lot.**
My super conservative uncle tried to get a rise out of my SIL.
"How does it feel paying for everybody else's health care?"
My SIL replied,
"I'm glad that my neighbors and coworkers have health care no matter what. If they lose their job they still have treatment for their cancer or anything else that comes up. Why would I hate that?"
He was stunned to silence and I loved it! 🥰.
Jaya 6 hours ago (edited)
It feels great. If you get injured or seriously ill, you're already suffering because of the pain, fatigue, fear of dying. It makes so much more sense for everyone to carry a small bit of the financial costs of the disease than for the person who's already suffering to also have to carry all those costs all by themselves. After all, everyone of us could have been the one who ended up getting that illness, so as much as I help carry other people's load, they also collectively carry my load if I get ill. It's a beautiful display of solidarity.
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#2
I have a Belgian husband who could happily eat sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. He never really craves a warm meal, and he is genuinely appreciative even when you cook something very simple for him. Another thing that still surprises me is that Belgians do not eat many vegetables. They usually mash one type of vegetable into potatoes or have green beans on the side. Meat is a must at almost every meal, and there are no naturally vegan or vegetarian dishes in the cuisine.
#3
My in-laws don't own forks, so they eat whole cakes with chopsticks (everyone just digs in without slicing and serving it on separate plates)
Koreans don't have body odor, even though they don't shower every day.
Everyone can wash their hair while squatting, using a basin on the floor, without taking their clothes off. It seems like everyone, even the elderly have ridiculously flexible hipjoints.
No one uses bedsheets.
Firefly 5 hours ago (edited)
Maybe someone feom Korea or familiar with their culture can answer this, but do Koreans sleep on top of blankets or comforters? I have watched several k dramas, and a few have shown characters sleeping on sheets, but more often it looks like they are sleeping between two fluffy comforters.
A study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences looked at what makes relationships successful and found that it is your own judgment of your relationship that says more about the quality of it than either your own or your partner’s personality. In other words, the vital things are how satisfied you feel your partner is and how appreciative you are of your partner.
“When it comes to a satisfying relationship, the partnership you build is more important than the partner you pick,” Samantha Joel, the study’s lead author and an assistant professor at Western University in London, Ontario, explained to CNN.
#4
American married to a Brit.
British person eats something and says ‘that’s quite nice.’
They could mean ‘this is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever tasted’ or ‘I could eat this for the rest of my life’ and *there’s no way of knowing* (though they swear there is).
Repeat with every social interaction.
Mark Stewart 3 hours ago
It's all in the tone in how it's said, a "that's nice" because you love it really is different from a polite but ultimately dismissive "that's nice".
#5
Hungary: The difference in everyday life customs and schedules.
- we eat lunch at noon, lunch is the main meal of the day, breakfast and lunch are the same, i was surprised in other cultrues dinner is cooked meal
- soup is the essential part of our lives, a full meal is soup + a solid dish . What is called main dish is literally called secondary here. I was surprised soup isn't as default as it is here
- we change into home clothes when we go home, i found it surprising some people don't change clothes when they go home or they go the store in their home clothes.
#6
South African with French husband:
- French are really strict about food and cooking. No snacking unless it’s just after work. No mixing certain ingredients together. Eating meals only at certain hours - god forbid you eat lunch after 14:00!!
- he dips his croissant or pain au chocolate like fully into his coffee, like bread and soup. I used to think it was hilarious, now I do the same 😆
- don’t EVER start a conversation with someone without saying Bonjour first.
- and then maybe this is more my culture but in South Africa we eat salty breakfast. And avocado on toast can be considered a meal! The first time I made my son avocado on toast my MIL looked at me like I was mental.
What this essentially means is that you should focus on how you’re engaging with your partner and whether your relationship leaves you satisfied. On the flip side, you shouldn’t focus as much on whether the person fits your type or checks all of your proverbial boxes.
According to the researchers, the relationship characteristics that best predict a person’s satisfaction were perceived partner commitment, appreciation, intimacy satisfaction, perceived partner satisfaction, and conflict.
Meanwhile, the individual characteristics that predicted their relationship satisfaction were life satisfaction, negative affect, depression, attachment avoidance, and attachment anxiety.
“It seems to me that the relationship is more than the sum of its parts. It’s that relationship dynamic itself, rather than the individuals who make up the relationship, that seems to be most important for relationship quality,” Joel told CNN.
#7
My husband does everything I say. I thought it was a "he" thing but he says it's cultural and "in Poland men serve women" (his words).
Now you might be thinking "wow, that's amazing" but I am from Spain, where women are extremely independent. This caused some discomfort early in our relationship: he'd get frustrated if I ordered furniture and built it myself, fixed my own leaky faucet, changed a lightbulb... Then when I was speaking to my (Polish) boss she told me: "You gotta give him tasks, even if you can do them yourself, because otherwise they don't feel like real men".
It also causes conflict with my mom because he insists on taking heavy shopping bags from her hands, opening doors for her, refilling her drink when we are at a restaurant... and it gets on her nerves. For her treating her like this feels patronising and like he considers her incompetent.
Kkg 5 hours ago
Right .. so she got a typical polish dude, who was not made to serve women, but whose fragile masculinity cannot comprehend that women are people who can do things themselves. I absolutely hate this trait. And I'm a Polish woman. Deep inside it's insecurity and like all insecurities in some cases it can lead to a*****e behaviors.
#8
I'm French and my boyfriend is Ukrainian.
The weirdest thing to me is regarding food, in France each part is separate, you have apéro, starter, main course, cheese, dessert.
While in Ukraine they usually put everything on the table and you mix a little bit of everything.
Every time we eat at the restaurant he makes fun of me cause I eat my salad before the main course while he eats it with the main course.
Nadine Debard 3 hours ago
French here. Salad can be part of the main course if you have quiche or a croque monsieur for example. It's great with hachis parmentier too (sort of shepherd's pie). Otherwise it would be served after the main course in regions close to Italy but it's a starter in many other places.
#9
As a person coming from a Spanish family : I did assume Frenchies have the same volume level at dinner table. Oh wow they do not and my ears could not even process the low frequencies in comparison how my family talks with each other. Thought that was exclusive for the family of my husband, but now it's apparently the whole area he's from.
Nadine Debard 3 hours ago
When we see Italians or Spanish people talking we think they are arguing, but it's just their way of being. Loud, passionate, and nice.
What are the biggest behavioral shocks you experienced when you moved in with your partner or after you got married? Do you and your significant other come from similar cultural backgrounds or not? How do you find healthy ways to compromise and collaborate when you come from different worlds?
Share your thoughts below.
#10
The way my in-laws (Mexican) waste NOTHING.
every last morsel of food is eaten (cleaning your plate is a must!) or saved for later (and they actually eat all the leftovers!) every plastic bag, container, elastic, twist tie is saved. my FIL has dozens of used, clean yogurt containers under his sink (complete with their lids – in a shoebox) ready for reuse. the same candles have been making an appearance on EVERYONE’s cake for god knows how many birthdays! my adorable FIL saves the little sliver of soap at the end of the bar and has aggregated them into a Frankenstein’s monster bar of soap.
(it’s not like they are impoverished, by the way. my FIL is the most frugal, if that’s what you call this, and he was the president of a prominent local university for years! “frugal” seems like the wrong word because it doesn’t capture what generous and giving people they are.)
FIL showed me a TikTok called “gringo soltero y casada con una Latina” (single gringo vs. gringo married to a Latina) satirizing this trait and I could relate to EVERY SINGLE EXAMPLE portrayed 😂.
#11
My boyfriend is German and his desk is near a large window. Sometimes I use his desk and while I’m working, he would just casually walk to me, open the windows when it’s minus a million degrees outside for like ten minutes then close them. He does that twice a day. I did adopt the Stoßlüften habit in my own home now but it took a while to get used to it.
Also, he has two blankets on his bed and always complains about how he maybe should get „a huge one“ like mine, meaning, a normal two persons blanket.
#12
Dominican/American married an Irish woman:
- They're really into curry. This blew my mind.
- They don't just offer a round of drinks, but they'll pay for dinner without telling you. Make sure you offer a round. I have a constant war with her dad and uncles over who sneaks off to pay for dinner.
- Lock-ins are my favorite thing (pub officially closes, no one is allowed in, but everyone in can enjoy drinks and live music), which goes with the fact that every pub has live music. It's either playing now, or it's on the way.
- The demographic in the pubs. 18yo sharing a pint with elderly folks to great live music. A guy with a Patek watch singing along with his mates at the same table who clearly don't make even close to as much as he does (if they do, theyre not showing it, which is kinda the point as well). Glammed-up girls that look like they're going to a Miami or NYC club queueing at the bar (waiting in line) with people dressed like they're going to work. No one cares. Everyone's having a great time. I love it.
- Girls and the tanning spray. It's...wild.
- No tabs. You pay as you go. No leaving your card (except for very few places or unless they know you well) with a tab open. No tabs.
- Cocktails come with the chaser/mixer on the side. Vodka tonic? One vodka with a small bottle of tonic. W*f...
- Huge Liverpool fanbase. Idk why Liverpool.
- Butter. It's NOT in the fridge. Ever.
Dee Hampton 1 hour ago
There is an episode of 'Father Ted' where two ladies fight to pay the bill.
#13
Brit with an American hubby, other than the linguistic challenges at times, I’d say the biggest difference is table etiquette.
His whole family seem able to eat entire meals using just a fork, or when something needs cutting, switch hands while eating. Plus hold the fork the wrong way up, I’ve gotten used to it now but was odd to begin with.
#14
Canadian married to an American. It’s always the small things. When we had a kid we realized we sing Head and Shoulders Knees and Toes to different melodies for example. This has resulted in mostly good natured ribbing. She disputes the way I say ‘z’ at the end of the alphabet song. I point out that she fails to complete the rhyme at the end of Itsy Bitsy Spider the way she’s says ‘again’. We have a toddler, this is our life now.
#15
UK/FR couple.
Leaving French parties is a faff. My wife says it’s time to go, and 30 mins later she’s finished saying goodbye to everyone individually.
#16
Not married, but I dated someone from India, and I was always surprised by the willingness to stop everything to turn into hosts because some distant cousins you never heard of were in town.
They were also Muslim which I think was the source of most surprises. Two shocks from that were that Mosques are typically gender segregated and that they'd make them sit and "read" an Arabic Quran even though they didn't know any Arabic.
#17
My English wife cools her toast before buttering it. The horror.
Tinkershark 3 hours ago
None of the English people I have known do that, the opposite if anything. That's what I found interesting about England, how regional it can be. One English person will say something is an English thing and the next English person you speak to will say "no it isn't, nobody does that". Especially if you speak to one from the north then one from the south
#18
I was already pretty familiar with UK culture when I moved here, but a big one was getting used to people greeting me with, "You all right?" I kept thinking, "Do I look that bad?".
#19
Shortly after I first met my Chinese wife, I told her I am from Spain, and she said something like "oh, your country is at the edge of the map!". I was like "no? We're right in the center?" And showed her what to me is the typical world map. Then she showed me the world map that is to her the normal one, with China in the center.
I still think I'm right because my country is basically right on the Greenwich meridian but it's really funny to argue this with her.
#20
I was born in Britain and moved to America as a child. My wife was born in the Philippines and moved to America as a young adult. There are lots of silly differences (foods,etc), but the big culture shock was the importance my wife puts on body language. The Philippines is a h**h context body language culture…lots gets communicate through body language regardless of what words may be spoken. America (Britain too) is low context meaning I have no idea what my body language is saying and I don’t believe it says anything.
But my wife does. So if we are talking, she interprets don’t language more than words, and vice versa for me. So we are really talking different languages and after thirty years together, this can still trip us up.
#21
My husband was born and raised in Belarus.
- olive oil and tomato based sauces for most dishes versus mayo and butter.
- saying “how is it going?” As a greeting but not expecting an actually proper answer. Drives him crazy. Fake politeness in general.
- love of football . It’s the first man I’ve ever met that has ZERO interest.
- the thing I love most about him: a perfect balance of being generally a very unemotional , rational guy , but also is the most genuinely kind and sweet person Ive met (especially to me and our daughter) . Most Portuguese guys are insecure, very emotional, to the point of not being a good source of support as a husband/father. Speaking from actual knowledge.
- oh a big issue we had: my husbands family spend nights over in other peoples houses without any hesitation. And they use stuff of that somebody else’s house without any thought of it might be seen as intrusive. My MIL just thought she could stay over whenever she wanted at our house without any notice, bringing strangers with her. That stopped real fast, she asks for permission and comes alone now.
UpupaEpops 3 hours ago
Eastern Europe is interesting in the sense that in some countries you kind of acknowledge the existence of your family members, while in others, you marry the whole clan and can wake up to 20+ people "just dropping in" out of the blue.
#22
Married 2X, a soviet russian (met and married there) and now a colombian woman (met, married and live in Colombia).
My ex, it would have to be the friends and families who came to visit but never left. Our house, 4 kids, and people sleeping all over. Sometimes a house of 12-13 people. I was the one who had to leave.
My latina wife... Family. I'm from AZ, grew up with latinos and knew it was a thing, but knowing is not the same as being in it. No room for friends when you have family. No one's bday is missed, parties which must be attended, children being born. It's one huge collective and I'm part of it whether I like it or not. Nieces, nephews, cousins, uncles, aunts and 4 godchildren. Many times I neither know who I'm talking to nor exactly how they're related, this after 15 yrs. But I love them all.
#23
I'm married to someone from Italy. His mother read tarot semi-professionally for decades, as well as held seances and other occult things. It's taken very seriously and credibly. She is extremely sought after for tarot - she no longer reads cards, but still has old clients/friends/acquaintances asking her to.
Crystalwitch60 3 hours ago
I’d love her , what an amazing mil to have ❤️I also do tarot n the like ,
#24
When I married into a Romanian family and I started going to their parties and dinners, I had to entirely re-learn how to pace myself during a meal.
I'm used to dinner being one or two courses at most, very close together and you eat fast and finish in under 30 mins, not a big show.
With their family, you sit around and eat bread/spreads for an hour. Then they bring out the light meats, the soups, more spreads, more bread and eat that for an hour. Then the REAL dinner starts with heavy meat, potato dishes, stew dishes, more salads and spreads, etc. The dinner is a 4+ hour ordeal but I've stuffed my face in the first 20 minutes and I have to sit there twiddling my thumbs for the rest of the time while all the older generation folk get increasingly offended that I'm not eating.
Nadine Debard 2 hours ago
Easter (and every important celebration) in Italy is very close to this description.
#25
My husband is American I’m Italian/german
The shoes. Inside. The house.😤 what’s that about.
The absolute worst😂
But the list is quite honestly endless lmao there’s just so much difference between EU and NA, culture & mannerisms alone
Even simple things such as bodylanguage when talking or dinner or lunch time. Certain sayings that cause misunderstandings bc the languages/mannerisms just work differently.
I learned in the EU we tend to eat a bit later in general. In America dinner is likr 5:30-6, where I was confused, We still have another two hours at least? Dinner is at 8? (We eat around 7, it’s the middle ground😂)
Lunch as well- 12-1 not 11-12.
#26
My husband was born here but his mom is Dutch. A few things I’ve noticed:
- she doesn’t use napkins? Like they don’t put them out at a meal, you only get one if you actually need it. She actually sweetly started making sure to have a few stacked on the table after the first few times I went looking for one. I’m the only one who uses it but appreciate her thought.
- the filter. Aka, there is none. I’m a very direct person (although I can soften things more than she will), so I appreciate it but it causes clashes with other family members who don’t get it’s a cultural thing.
- Dutch breakfast. I wholeheartedly embrace this tradition.
#28
My wife is from Mexico and as time goes on I find more and more that we have no childhood memory overlaps. We’re both 80s babies and she’s never seen Goonies or Back to the Future and stuff like that.
#29
I’ve said here before but I have in-laws who are married cousins, which is very jarring for me. There’s also just social things that are acceptable in Pakistan that are difficult for me. The commonality of having servants for upper class people *really* bugs me, but I’ve learned to just get used to it.
Also the fact that the myth of a monolithic Pakistani culture really does not help any foreigner navigate the complexities of ethnicity politics—I’m very familiar with Kashmiri social customs (*west of the Pir Panjal*), but this doesn’t at all set me up for the social customs of Punjabis, Pashtuns, etc.
#30
Husband is Chinese. Eating family style where everyone just uses their chopsticks to dish up. I’m fine eating like this with my husband but absolutely despise larger family events because of this. I’m really not trying to insult anyone, but I find it incredibly disgusting to have to eat food that has had multiple chopsticks in it from someone else’s mouth.
A fantastic habit that I have now is not wearing outside clothes indoors. It was annoying in the beginning to always have to change clothes when leaving or returning home but I completely get it now and it makes perfect sense.
ETA: I’ve been living in China for over a decade and people rarely use communal chopsticks. I’ve lived in multiple cities (mainland), attended several work and family events, ate with friends, and communal chopsticks are not always used. It’s definitely brought out at many restaurant and some do use them, but not everyone. I have never ever seen anyone using the end of their chopsticks to dish up and these comments is my first time learning about it. This just my personal experience.
Dee Hampton 1 hour ago
In restaurants in London's China Town, they don't offer knives and forks at all, only chopsticks. If you don't try to master chopsticks, you don't eat.
#31
Long term relationship with a Peruvian. Two main things: the closeness of the family was shocking to me, they literally couldn’t do anything apart. And the amount of alcohol drank, like at a kids birthday party.. anything was an excuse to get drunk!
#32
Husband is Japanese.
He walks around brushing his teeth for... At least 10 minutes. Sometimes 20. Sometimes he's just on his phone or PC with the toothbrush in his mouth. I'm not sure what it's doing in there so long. Overtime? 🤔.
#33
I'm Dutch, my wife is from Venezuela;
- Hospitality culture: It's completely normal in her culture when people come over unannounced that they can stay for dinner. Not only is that unheard of in our culture, the phrase "we are about to start dinner" is in Dutch a que for guests to leave.
- Christmas; In the Netherlands we celebrate Christmas on the 25th and 26th of December. With the 24th being Christmas eve. But in the Latin American world the 24th is Christmas day. Also, their Christmas dishes and traditions are way different naturally.
- Sleeping in; In the Netherlands we live quite early. Most places will close around 5PM, Dinner is at 6PM. My wife and her family usually don't wake up before noon if they don't have to. Because in their culture shops and restaurants are open until quite late and the day only just starts at like 4PM.
Francois 3 hours ago
A big difference in ambient temperatures. Venezuela is too hot around noon to do anything, so most of activities happen when it is evening whereas outside the winter time in The Netherlands it is too cold be out after dark and in the old days people huddle together around the stove/fire place.
#34
The fact that the yoghurt salad in Bihar, India, contains sugar. How people consume cannabis in the form of “Bhang” for religious purposes (Hindu festivals like Holi). People’s obsession with flat rice, and food in general. And the fact that “have you eaten?” is people’s way of asking “are you okay?”.
The fact some people hate Churchill more than Hitler, I think the whole Hitler stuff was the biggest culture shock for me.
#35
My husband is Moroccan and I'm Portuguese. One of the biggest differences is how many spices he uses when he cooks. He loves Portuguese food as well, but we are not as rich in the use of spices.
Any Moroccan pastries also feel like they have double the average sugar amount. I don't know how they don't all suffer from diabetes.
As a partner he is very sweet, gentle and protective. He also is very gallant in the sense that he never lets me pick up heavy things, opens the doors for me, always takes out the trash, etc. Much more so than any Portuguese man I have ever known (in my experience they tend to be drama queens overly attached to their mommies).
#36
Swedish with French husband:
Putting squares of chocolate in a sandwich.
#37
Wife is from Mexico. I’d say the relationship we have with time. I’m always running after something to do / abide by schedule. “Planning “ to be happy. She is more chill. Instant moment is moment is important for her. Also money. Yes she likes fancy stuff but what gives her the biggest smiles is when we go grocery shopping and the basket is full of fruits that she chose.
#38
Husband is Egyptian.
“I am on my way” means getting ready to go is the next thing I will do after I finish the thing I am doing.
Bread is the primary utensil to eat anything, even French fries.
The things that “everyone knows” you don’t eat when you are sick: bananas mangoes and fish.
#39
My husband is Japanese. For a small thing, maybe eating salad with chopsticks, although I was quickly convinced this is the superior way and encourage everyone to try it out.
Crystalwitch60 2 hours ago
Hmm chopsticks with arthritis in your hands wouldn’t work well lol, I,ll pass on trying those thanks ,
#40
European married to South Indian, when I first visited my husband prepared me well, sitting on the floor to eat, they eat with their hands, sleep on the floor, no shower but a bucket with a mug etc
It was quiet the adjustment but I do now have my own mattress at their home lol, the sleeping on the floor never worked for me but can adapt to everything else.
#41
My wife is English, her family wear shoes in the house and even in bed. They don't rinse the soap suds off their dishes. They dont shower at night even if it has been a hot day or they're dirty. They over cook everything and never use seasoning apart from an occasional bit of salt and pinch of pepper.
Mark Bayliss 3 hours ago
What a load of rubbish, wearing shoes in bed is unheard of. Virtually everyone I know showers at night
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