50 Times Parents Were So Wholesome And Supportive, They Won The Internet (New Pics)

Becoming a parent can be daunting. You are in charge of shaping a little person into an adult. And there’ll be plenty of times you’ll question whether you’re doing it right. Many people will assure you there is no such thing as a “perfect” parent. Crystal Haitsma is a certified life coach for parents, and agreed to share some of her wisdom with us.

Haitsma says striving for parenting perfection will actually not make you a better parent. “Perfectionism and shame are two sides of the same coin. Not only is it unattainable, deep down it’s driven from the fear and insecurity of not feeling like I am doing enough, and not wanting others to find out,” she said during our chat, adding that there’s no such thing as a healthy amount of perfectionism. “Healthy means accepting my human-ness, mistakes, failures, messy, big emotions and all. The more we can do this, the happier we will be, and our kids will be too.”

“The more that we dwell in our ‘not-enough-ness’, the more we’ll lose our cool at our kids, drop into fear or coercion tactics, or show up in ways that feel icky to us. Dropping the shame is the biggest key to healthy parenting.”

While there’s no such thing as a “perfect” parent, Haitsma says there are certain things you can do to increase your chances of being a great one. She says too often, parents focus on their children’s academic success and forget to nurture their emotional intelligence. Sha also advises parents to drop their expectations.

“Expectations lead to frustration (for us), and it’s easy to get caught up on where we feel like they ‘should’ be developmentally and emotionally, instead of loving them where they are at,” she told Bored Panda. “If we can love the child we have, in the phase of life that they are in, we can better support them in emotional growth.”

Other experts agree that it’s very important to make sure your kids know they are loved - no matter what. “Unconditional love for our children develops their sense of security and self-worth,” reads Parenting Hub. “It provides a sanctuary where children feel accepted, valued and cherished for who they are. This in turn fosters resilience and emotional well-being.”

Part of loving means believing in and trusting your child. Haitsma says a big part of her job involves teaching her clients to have a deeper belief in themselves. “As they borrow my belief in them, they change little by little… until their belief in themselves is rock solid.” We can do the exact same thing for our kids, she revealed. “As we believe in them, and trust them, they learn to believe in and trust themselves.”

Unconditional love doesn’t mean letting your children do whatever they want. Whenever they want. Even if it pains you to see them cry, or unhappy, it is important to set boundaries. Easier said than done when you have a tantrum on your hands and just want five minutes of peace and quiet. To yourself. Experts believe that setting limits is an act of love. And when you fail, which you very well might, just remember that tomorrow is another day to try. And try again.

We asked Haitsma what “wholesome parenting” means to her. “Accepting my 'whole' self, and understanding and meeting my needs. Not only my physical needs, like getting a good night's rest, and eating foods that help fuel me and my mind… but also emotional needs: connection, rest, support from others,” she replied.