Scrolling through the day's news can be depressing, to say the least. You'd be forgiven for wanting to give it all a miss now and again...
But between the global crises and political turmoil, lies a whole parallel universe. Here, the headlines sound less like fact and more like sitcom plotlines that never made it to TV. Think "Seal breaks into New Zealand home, traumatises cat and hangs out on couch," or "A rare bird in England turned out to be a sea gull covered in curry." You just can't make this stuff up, no matter how hard you try.
If you're looking for some light relief in the midst of another dreary news cycle, you've come to the right place. Bored Panda has gathered up an awesome list of palate cleansers from media outlets across the globe. They're a great reminder that not every news story has to leave you with a heavy heart, and chaos often has a great sense of humor.
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This Is Funny
Follow-up story has police coming to arrest him and being unable to find the exit
I like his thinking! 😁 But what was he charged with? Very curious to know.
Perennial favourite, that one. I'm always a fan of the ones that essentially contain entire worlds unto themselves.
Load More Replies...... Remember the scene near the end in 'Animal House'? Where, during the parade, the Deltas lead the marching band into a dead-end alley? And they all get crunched in there with nowhere to go? (When the Ikea runs out of Swedish Meatballs, all those trapped shoppers will turn cannibalistic.)
Load More Replies...There’s an old adage in journalism/news circles that “if it bleeds, it leads.” That’s why you’ll often notice a news bulletin beginning with all the negative and grim stuff like disasters, wars, or crime.
While many of us complain that the news is too negative, research shows that typically, people pay more attention to (and tend to remember) negative experiences over positive ones. It's something psychologists call our ‘negativity bias.’
"We’re more likely to spot angry faces than happy ones in a crowd, and many languages have a much wider vocabulary for describing negative emotions than jolly ones," explains BBC's Science Focus.
That's not to say consuming a lot of negative news is good for us...
Absolutely Mad
Warned with what? What are they gonna do? Fortunately, calling out cops is protected free speech in my country. So if I say that 99% of cops are tiny-brained, linear-thinking rednecks who became cops because it's the only job that gives them some power over their social and intellectual superiors, and that I enjoy it when a cop gets shot in the stomach and is left to slowly die screaming in agony and horror, I'm allowed to say that. Not that I would say that.
My Spirit Animal
Best thing about this: the house owner is a marine biologist, but was not home at the time. The marine biology came to his house and he missed it...
Excessive consumption of negative news can be more harmful than we might realize. For one, it can trigger the body’s “fight or flight” response.
"Adrenaline is then released, and so is the stress hormone, cortisol. When our bodies are in this state, we experience the same symptoms we might experience if we were under threat," explains an info sheet released by John Hopkins University. "These symptoms include rapid heart rate, shallow breathing, upset stomach, etc."
Doom-scrolling or watching upsetting footage and news bulletins can also increase symptoms related to anxiety and depression. In fact, for some people, it takes just 14 minutes of dreary news consumption for their depression and anxiety symptoms to rise. They're worsened if someone feels helpless about what's happening in the world.
At No Point Did I Guess Where The Headline Was Going Next
We had a devious crow around once. It learnt to swear from the neighbours, actually taunted people as it avoided traps and had to be captured by trained wildlife staff and taken somewhere else. In future, don't leave food out for them.
Warned with what? What are they gonna do? Fortunately, calling out cops is protected free speech in my country. So if I say that 99% of cops are tiny-brained, linear-thinking rednecks who became cops because it's the only job that gives them some power over their social and intellectual superiors, and that I enjoy it when a cop gets shot in the stomach and is left to slowly die screaming in agony and horror, I'm allowed to say that. Not that I would say that.
How is any of that related to a crow befriending children?
Load More Replies...I'm guessing someone found out about the crow and reported it as a danger to the kids. Sounds like it had been there for awhile
Imagine You're Cycling On A Country Road And You See That On The Side
Roses Are Red, Butter Is Creamy
Scotland has the best named gritters. Theres even an interactive map where you can track where each gritter currently is, just in case you wanted to go out and find Lord Coldemort, or Sled Zeppelin, or Snowmer Simpson.
John Hopkins' experts add that negative news can become addictive, especially when you're getting it from social media.
"Clickbait headlines and social media algorithms are designed to keep you coming back for more, making it difficult to stop returning to apps for your news," they say.
Thankfully, there are ways to protect yourself... Taking a break from the news cycle and scrolling through this hilarious list of headlines is just one of them.
Not At All Heroes Wear Capes
The Hillsboro Oregon dancing frogs need these guys at their ongoing ICE protests
I don't know - I can see ICE agents running them over and pretending they thought they were real traffic cones.
Load More Replies...We don't have 'bucks parties', we have 'stag parties'.
Load More Replies...Can’t Blame Him
Is this really a thing, a "brain implant"? Sounds very unlikely to me!
But Ghosts Are Pretend
Another is to identify your triggers. "Take some time to think about what subjects stir symptoms of anxiety and depression. Some people may be more reactive to global conflict while others may feel more affected by racial injustice," suggests the John Hopkins team. "Once you’ve figured out what has the strongest impact on you, you can limit your consumption of media with triggering content."
60 Cupcakes?
So the bear is being shamed for eating the cupcakes in-house rather than taking them home first like the rest of us do?
This Might Be My New Favorite Headline And Photo Combo Ever
Thanks for posting this. I had this saved and had it printed out (yeah, it's a boomer act) for my fridge, but mislaid it. To me, this is the best meme ever
This is what living in America feels like right now. Except for the peopke who are already in the tornado.
Living in Tornado alley, It's gotta be much closer before I care.
What A Headline
If I recall they were 12 Grey African parrots, who taught the other parrots to swear and heckle visitors.
The experts believe it's safer to read the news rather than watch it. Harsh visuals are more likely to trigger you or send you into a spiral than words.
By pausing your doom-scrolling and reading this instead, you're doing yourself a big favor. "Doom scrolling might help you feel more informed about how to protect yourself from the troubles of the world, but it ultimately does more harm than good," notes the site. "Aim for no more than 30 minutes per day if possible."
Possibly The Funniest Headline To Ever Grace A News Site
This happened not far from where I live. The raccoon was picked up by the local animal control, and released back into the wild after sleeping off his bender
Given how shitty the poor animal would have felt the next day I wouldn't call this "the funniest headline ever."
He’s fine. A few days later he broke into the card/collectables shop in the same center. This is my town, Ashland, Va.
Load More Replies...That Man? The Fire Department
We should all be prodding AI like this when given the chance. It's funny getting an AI to passionately argue there are only 2 R's in strawberry. Causing it to act in a physically destructive way makes people "rethink". Or think for the first time, I suppose. It's best we get this out of the way with free 12oz cups of water before it's in charge of weapons or something.
Try Eating In The Bed, Then Sleeping. You Can Have So Much Fun In Bed, Trust Me
Even if you feel helpless about everything going on around you, never forget that you can make a positive difference to the world. Every little bit goes a long way.
You might consider getting involved in some charity work, or joining a group that is working on the issues that you are most passionate about. This not only helps other people but it can empower you as well.
At Spotting A Rare Bird
Interesting, I thought Tiggywinkles only rescued hedgehogs ?
Erm how the hell he get covered in curry 😂😂yeah don’t answer that actually 😂
My WiFi Goes Out Again. Those Sharks Again I Swear
“My dog ate my homework” has just been updated to “a shark ate my internet”.
They have sensory organs that detect electromagnetic activity, which helps them hunt fish by detecting the weak electromagnetic fields their bodies produce. They think it might be a new kind of fish.
Load More Replies...Perhaps they are protesting price gouging by biting cable
Load More Replies...Duck Commits Second Speeding Offence
“Plumber Returns To Re-Clog Pipe After Restaurant Refuses To Pay Bill”
The owner of the restaurant is quoted as saying that the plumber/situation is “ridiculous” and that they’d hate for something similar to happen to his other clients… I bet his other clients pay him!
Totally valid! There have also been stories about construction companies taking their word down and landscapers removing grass they installed. I mean, the power company can turn off your electricity if you don't pay. 🤷♀️
I LOVE that! I think that's exactly what should happen. Don't pay for the work, don't get the product whatever that is.
Load More Replies...It's not a difficult concept. If you don't pay, you don't get to benefit from the work.
It's Difficult To Get A Man To Understand Something When His Salary Depends On His Not Understanding It
I love how whiny they're getting over the fact that everyone hates their stupid AI garbage being forced into everything.
I love how Jensen Huang is crashing out over people being critical of AI, when AI is making it impossible for people to buy his companies d**n products. cognitive dissonance through the roof.
Irony At Its Best
Looks like the velociraptor robots are back on the front desk. Also some of the robots have been switched to holograms. The hotel chain is Henn na or 変な meaning strange
Frog
I have never seen a pig transformed into a frog. However, I would certainly pay to see it!
Turned out Princess and the Frog was on in the background and the AI incorporated it into the report.
I Mean
His efforts are rewarded by being used as a cautionary tale of what NOT to do if lost in the woods
If they had a signal but weren't calling for help, they weren't lost. They were just trying to get away from the people calling them.
That's what I was thinking! How were they lost if they had phone signal???
Load More Replies...Funny Headline
Wild? I imagine it was absolutely livid!
Load More Replies...Who Would Have Thought
TBF this was widely misreported at the time, she was just complaining about how rude the Parisians were compared with people she'd met on her travels in the rest of Europe. And it's true, they really are, ask any non-Parisian French person.
No, they really aren't. Parisians expect people to take a little time and learn about their way of doing things, interacting with people etc. If you don't, they assume you couldn't be bothered to show even a minimum of respect, which you couldn't, and they'll treat you in kind. I, and every other tourist who takes ten whole minutes to learn how to conduct ourselves, find Parisians to be generally friendly and welcoming.
Load More Replies...How very rude of them to speak their language in their country , like really 😂
there is a quote in German "how was I supposed to know they speak Spanish in Spain?" I think it was someone who tried moving to Spain
Les Américains sur les réseaux sociaux sont parfois les amis, parfois les piles de merde
That's Funny
Never Not Thinking About This Headline
"The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter." - attributed to Winston Churchill
This Is Looney Toons Level Of Destruction
Leaking gas canister in kitchen, he tried to get the fly with one of those electric swatters, a spark from it triggered a gas explosion.
I could understand this if it were a spider. Seems like an overreaction for a fly.
What A Statement
The slo-mo guys turned up for this. You too can watch living bodies ragdolling down a hill in glorious slow motion while wondering "just why?".
Cheltenham general hospital hates the cheese rolling ,coopers hill is bloody dangerous totally , used to keep my horses near there , you gotta be of your rocker to do this I gotta say ,
I lived there for many years and only horses near the hill were my next door neighbours and close friends. The next closest horses were a good few fields over. 🤔🤔🤔
Load More Replies...A Piece Of Tape Makes You A Hacker According To Business Insider
It absolutely qualifies as being a hacker. Making technology do stuff it was not meant to be doing is the definition. It's just that often it's something deceptively simple, like aplastic whistle to get free phone calls, ahigh vis jacket to access secure areas or a bit of tape to confuse an driverless car.
Ohyeah, good'ol blackboxing and blueboxing with modems :D
Load More Replies...I've driven a Renault 8n France that would have been fooled by this. Cruise control matches speed limits. It's an awesome feature!
Yeah, our Renault also shows you what the speed limit is where everywhere you are. I can't believe that Teslas don't have this simple technology, so the drivers get what they deserve from a shitty car that isn't using current technology.
Load More Replies...Let's Call Him An Illegal Dinosaur
I played this song as we went out of my late husbands funeral
Load More Replies...Wait, can we talk about how it would appear to be possible to have a dinosaur *with* proper papers?
This Is A Real Article
That's so us old people can look up the definition of the words the kids today are saying. 😂 My niece is only in Kindergarten but over the holidays she kept saying 6-7 at me. 🙄 I think it only gets worse from here on out....
New words can be added if they're used enough, old words can be removed if they're not. language is fluid, dictionaries exist to help us understand what and how words are currently in use, not to tell us which words we are and are not allowed to use.
Dictionary should keep the old ones, but mark them as being archaic, because sometimes you need to check what the heck is going on with 19th century book talking about intercourse and ejaculation in public without any sëxy context, lol
Load More Replies...it's the opposite of mid. Basically means the equivalent of " cool"
Load More Replies...It’s Really Cute
If that thing is an outdoor artwork, then either it shall withstand much more than a pair of googy eye-removal, or it's just a temporary artwork meant to perish in a limited time.
Or the 'authorities' released wet blanket language without actually inspecting 'the damage.'
Load More Replies...No Way
Looks like SpongeBob and Mr.Crabs are fighting over payment again
Load More Replies...Egg-Cellent Heist
Sorry, but that's not enough eggs to account for the "sky-high cost of eggs in the US right now."
Offer
It was a piece they took out for access. They misplaced it.
Load More Replies...I've come across a couple of kleptomaniac nurses, but this is ridiculous.
I Think It's Too Late Now
So Many Questions
I followed the trail (and can I just say that I hate how so many links take us through the site formerly known as Twitter) and the problem is that she inked those eyebrows in herself which was certainly a choice.
Load More Replies...Pretty Smart
I must admit that i'm impressed how he managed dating 35 different people at once.
If I found out my husband was involved with, let's say even 5 other women, I'd be impressed I think. :P Mad sure, but I'd have to admit to being slightly impressed. The amount of planning and effort that would go into that so I didn't learn about it would be pretty impressive!
Load More Replies...Real Life Mr Bean
News
There might be millions of these mistakes in candy worldwide, but every single other person simply gobbled down the candy anyway
Tells me he's from the US if he sued over such a tiny matter!
Load More Replies...This right here is my only vice, the thing that makes my dopamine go "wheeee!" [*]. I'm not aware of eating one with a missing ripple, but I'm not sure it would last long enough for me to be aware. * - Strictly one a day, that way it's more meaningful.
Makes you wonder what else might have gone wrong during fabrication. I'd be wary of eating it. What if it doesn't have the maximum allowable amount of insect fragments and mouse droppings? Won't taste the same.
£21
That Must Have Been A Good Ham
My dad hasn't stopped farting in the last 50 years! Who should we sue for that? 😂
So, Correlation equals Causation? Did he perchance have his gall bladder out about that time, or some other medical incident?
The Only Memorable Event
He's clearly a Rihanna hater and a liar. Only Jesus can come back from Hell. Unless he was so bad the devil didn't want him
Load More Replies...The news here is that a "man of God" was deserving of eternal punishment in hell. What the devil has on his jukebox is a distant second place.
Did Rihanna look like Tom? Was the pastor watching Lip Sync when he passed out? Does Tom's performance live rent free in his head?
Possibly The Greatest Headline Of All Time
Beside The Irony, This Is The Best Evidence That Your Invention Works
At least he owned up to it rather than trying to blame someone or something
Thank the Lord that Trump doesn't drink. That would be a more f*****g disaster if that's even possible!!
Load More Replies...The Incident Occurred In India
Anyone who has ever seen videos of people driving in India would probably be content with a monkey behind the wheel.
Mate, I've been a passenger on many, and you're absolutely right!
Load More Replies...We had a school bus driver suspended for allowing a student to drive following a news item where a driver had a seizure and a student took over driving until help arrived. Poor judgement? Yes....but...
I Do Not Like This Smiling Ham
Ah. Yes. The good old "Who Framed Roger Rabbit cartoon pig face" routine. Tale as old as time.
That Raccoon Was Definitely Hungry And Angry
And in German it's Waschbär. Was the one in Massachusetts drunk?
Load More Replies...“Serial Toilet Clogger"
The Pain
On doing the maths (assuming the standard text takes 30 seconds to type out), this woman spent a total of 55.2 days of her life texting the guy
You knew your maths homework was going to come in handy some day, didn't you? ;-)
Load More Replies...Good question! I think after about the first 100...maybe 200...I'd move to blocking.
Load More Replies...She also threatened to make sushi out of his kidneys and chopsticks out of his hand bones; this was after the poor guy contacted police after finding her parked outside his home (keep in mind that "first date" was their ONLY date). And was caught trespassing inside his home, taking a bubble bath, the following year when he was away.
For Hunting... Wait What?
Is it going to h7nt, or is he hunting it? Asking for a friend....
'Big Game Hunters' used to regularly regard Bighorn Sheep as a desirable trophy, so...
Load More Replies...Due to normal breeding practices, sheep bred for wool now weigh more than twice as much as they did 100 years ago.
At this rate, we're headed for Cordwainer Smith's 'Norstrilia'.
Load More Replies...Bread
Not especially but he does have some goose like qualities.
Load More Replies...the loaves start comin, and they don't stop comin. bread to the head from a crowd wide bunning
This Isn't Satire, It Was Genuinely Reported As A News Item
Who Throws A Ham?
Here’s Why
Why the heck is Huddo's sister's comment hidden? No links, no pictures nothing the PB has targeted recently
There seems to be a glitch on BP at the moment, it’s doing it at random.
Load More Replies...What An Odd Number Indeed
Whoever wrote that for the tech section of that "news" outlet needs to be fired...
Yes, an 8-bit binary number (0000 0000 to 1111 1111, from 0 to 255) yields 256 possibilities.
Load More Replies...Anyone Know What’s Going On?
"The Police presence has increased. Even more police are now investigating." Isn't this a Monty Python skit?
At this point reality in the US has gone past even the most ridiculous Monty Python skit into some kind of warped reality
Load More Replies...Well clearly the best way to deal with a suspected potential maybe pre-baby ending is to send an entire g00n squad to shoot her a half dozen times at point blank range...
Imagine Reading This Headline To A Medieval Peasant
I had never heard of this kid (being a 41 year old with no kids myself it makes sense) and one day I walked out of my office building to a crowd of teens holding their phones up and signs and being held back - though they were mostly behaving - by security guards. Found out IShowSpeed was in the building so the local schools emptied out and the kids were there. It was so obnoxious! They woudn't let the office workers on the elevators if there was a chance HE would be in it. They wouldn't let us go to certain floors - like the one with the restaurant he was visiting - it was just insane.
Load More Replies...I went back just 50 years and said this sentence. Everyone thought I'd had a stroke
Robot Rizzbot? Who wrote that rubbish? You know what "bot" means, right? 🤦🏻♀️
My Wife And I Just Spent $130 On Beef Jerky, We’re Keeping Them In Business
For those of you who haven't lived in the US, one of the pleasures of long distance driving is stopping to get snacks, and for many of us the beef jerky is the pièce de resistance of any stop. My spousal unit and I once went on a day trip in Arkansas and on this small highway in the forest there were signs saying, "Beef jerky - 40 miles ahead" and "Beef jerky - 35 miles ahead" and so on. We were so excited about this that we were in a fever frenzy. We got there and the damned place had burned down but they never took the signs down. If I could have found the owners I would have personally killed them.
My heart grieves for your Beef Jerky loss....... It's almost like going "Cold Turkey ". Sorry I'll see myself out.
Load More Replies...
