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Twitter, X, or whatever it's currently called, is the virtual version of our favorite comedy club. It's where everyone from bored office workers to celebrities with too much time on their hands compete to deliver the funniest one-liners, clapbacks, roasts and jokes - in 280 characters or less.

The best tweets slap like a digital lightning bolt. Short, sharp and unexpected. From observations about daily life to chaotic shower thoughts or brutal honesty, the platform is filled with comedy gold. And interestingly, the wittiest tweets rarely come from comedians. But rather from regular people that aren't afraid to say what many of us are thinking.

One of those people is Mike Primavera. Writer by day. Accidental comedian 24/7. He goes by @primeawesome on the socials. With more than 66,000 followers on Instagram alone, he shares screenshots of his funniest tweets. This guy treats X like an open mic night. And we're here for it.

Bored Panda has put together a compilation of Primavera's best posts for you to laugh at when life gets too much. So grab a snack, silence your notifications, and settle into a front-row seat for what might be some of the most hilarious and relatable content you come across today.

#1

Tweet by Mike Primavera humorously discussing common grammar mistakes in hilarious prime awesome tweets.

primawesome Report

Mama Clare
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This should be no1. 😂😂😂😂😂

Crystalwitch60
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

X (formerly Twitter) might seem like it's falling apart one moment, creating the perfect place for hours of doomscrolling. Then suddenly, the mood changes and it becomes the internet's greatest stage for chaos, wit and accidental comedy. A digital jungle of weird thoughts, relatable moments, and jokes that hit home in the most unhinged way possible.

There's something pure genius about someone being able to condense their unfiltered thoughts, struggles and existential crises into a single, perfectly-timed, hilarious one-liner. And anyone that gets it right deserves all their flowers. Or possibly even their own dedicated comedy show. We're looking at you, Mike Primavera...

RELATED:
    #2

    Tweet by Mike Primavera (@primawesome) humorously questioning the state of the world in prime awesome tweets collection.

    primawesome Report

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The stupid people have gotten much louder lately.

    Giraffe Sitter
    Community Member
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The stupid people now believe everyone else is obligated to hear what they have to say.

    Wanda Peachtree
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And the stupid people are connected now. That's the real danger.

    Daria
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    the latter, plus echo-chambers

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The second is a cause of the first.

    Crystalwitch60
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In my case lol both 🤦‍♀️

    Robert Millar
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We gave stupid people and evil people a voice. Now we don't know how to react. Silence the voice or silence them?

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    #3

    Tweet by Mike Primavera sharing a hilarious story about outdoor cats and coyotes, illustrating prime awesome humor online.

    primawesome Report

    Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
    Community Member
    3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, I remember this one from almost 20 years ago. IIRC he got busted.

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    Beady El
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If the shoe fits…

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or as my mom says: If the foo sh!ts. 😂

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    L.V
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just have indoor cats...

    Anita MacDonald
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope this isn't true..... Either way, it's SICK!

    veirdbuttrue
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wouldn't you ensure your outdoor cats are kept inside so they are safe?

    Lee Gilliland
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But he's not wrong.

    The team at Hypefury are experts when it comes to what works and what doesn't on X. They say it's no longer considered unprofessional to be funny online. In fact, they describe humor as a “secret weapon” on X, and it makes sense...

    Funny tweets stand out, get shared, and make people feel like they’ve just found their new internet bestie. In other words, laughter = engagement.

    "Multi-millionaires and people struggling to grow their businesses to their First Million, don’t need to wear suits and ties and have professional LinkedIn-style headshots. They can sh*tpost their way to their first million sometimes just as easily as they can follow the traditional path of ‘formal, business communication,’" notes the Hypefury site.

    #4

    Tweet by Mike Primavera sharing a hilarious prime awesome tweet about Jesus billboards on a road trip.

    primawesome Report

    Multa Nocte
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nailed it!

    Thanos'Fingers
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Really? He climbed up on that cross and jabbed the nails in himself? Must be ambidextrous.

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    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And so many of those signs are at crossroads.

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    #5

    Funny prime awesome tweet about the fear of going to the dentist at different ages and dental costs.

    iamthirtyaf Report

    Miki
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Whey you are a kid, you exchange you teeth for money. Whey you are an adult you exchange your money for teeth

    Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
    Community Member
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Try it with Novocain and Lidocaine immunity.

    Uncle Panda
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dang. I'm known to be 'difficult' with dental anesthetic so he always hits with me with double the injections, which suckks but I'll take it over immunity. What do they do for you?

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    he_aint_heavy
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    lol that 30k will be enough to get you a full set of teeth in the U.S. Maybe just the top, just the bottom, or a couple in the front.

    L.V
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At 42, don't like to go as even the smell of the surgery gives me anxiety, because I know my teeth AND my wallet will hurt.

    SheamusFanFrom1987
    Community Member
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Meaning it's still gonna hurt, just differently... XP -_-"

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    #6

    Tweet by Mike Primavera humorously comparing a 70 lb dog with boundary issues to a weighted blanket in prime awesome tweets.

    primawesome Report

    Philly Bob
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have several large cats. My weighted blanket vibrates.

    Gingersnap In Iowa
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Last month a friend offered me a weighted blanket and I said I have Melvin a 20 lb. snoring weighted blanket.

    Lee Gilliland
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That also keeps me warm. Never forget the reason Three Dog Night was called that.

    The experts at Hypefury add that when you make your followers laugh, you’re not only entertaining them but also building an emotional bond that can lead to increased engagement, loyalty, and ultimately, growth.

    But being funny on X (they still call it Twitter) isn’t just about making jokes; it’s about understanding your audience and the culture of the platform, they say.

    "Twitter users are known for their wit and love of clever wordplay, so it’s important to stay current on trending topics and memes," explains Hypefury. "By tapping into the latest conversations and using humor to add your unique perspective, you can create tweets that feel fresh, relevant, and engaging."

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    #7

    Tweet by Mike Primavera with handle primawesome humorously commenting on Canada’s property value, featured in prime awesome tweets.

    primawesome Report

    realenancy170
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We need to apologize to Mexico too. Most of their people are nicer than they are portrayed.

    Sam Trudeau
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As well as respect for basicially everything the US government controls.

    #8

    Tweet by Mike Primavera humorously mocking a kid dressed as Batman, featured in prime awesome hilarious tweets.

    primawesome Report

    Miki
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No commitment to the role ;)

    The_Nicest_Misanthrope
    Community Member
    2 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Took a minute to realise this WASN'T a political statement about Ghaza, but an actual joke about the orphaned Bruce Wayne....I hate what society has turned me into. 😮‍💨

    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Great line, Mike.

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    #9

    Tweet by Mike Primavera from primawesome humorously describes comfy sweatpants and flannel in a prime awesome style.

    primawesome Report

    Jan Rosier
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Rocking that outfit right now, like every oder WFH day. Tomorrow for the office, it'll be jeans... and a flanel shirt

    Uncle Panda
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Are slumberjacks the reason they call snoring 'sawing logs'?

    Cydney Golden
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Retired...it's my winter outfit.

    The brand strategists over at Robust Branding agree. According to them, around 90% of people are more likely to remember something that made them laugh — even if it’s just a random tweet they scrolled past at 2 a.m.

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    They add that understanding why humor works in social media marketing requires delving into the psychology of laughter and its effects on human behavior. "When people laugh, they experience a release of endorphins, which creates positive associations with the source of that laughter," explains the Robust Branding site.

    #10

    Tweet by Mike Primavera sharing a hilarious navigation tip, part of prime awesome tweets to start your morning with laughter.

    primawesome Report

    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And take a right where the Swanson's house used to be.

    Lee Gilliland
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Then a left past the Arby's, wait, that's a Micky D's now...

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    KnightOwl86
    Community Member
    3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm usually really good at giving directions, as long as they don't ask about street names. Earlier today I was standing outside my flat chatting to a neighbour when an elderly couple stopped their car to ask me for directions to a church, I told them how to get the 2 large churches nearby. 10 minutes later I see the same couple pull up at the exact same spot and tell me the 'church' they were looking for isn't one of the really old churches within a 5 minute walk from my flat but was actually in the random weird little building at the end of my street. It is literally about 10ft from my building, where I've lived for 12years, i felt so dumb! 🤦‍♀️

    Giles McArdell
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I normally give directions by pub, but it's getting more and more difficult - "turn right by the Kings Head, well, it used to be the Kings Head, um, turn right by the soulless lego brick monstrosity of a block of flats where the Kings Head pub used to be"

    Kathy Brooke
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And if you get to the crematorium you've gone too far, so turn back.

    Isabel Galvez
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At the end of my street there's a red house where I have to turn right. They day they paint the house I won't be able to drive to work anymore.

    Eggwodd
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thank you! I think Rand McNally needs to colab with DK Books and make visual street maps.

    sbj
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same here, I can get to work by car, Public transport or at a push even walk but I can't tell you which roads I've used. Delivery drivers/strangers will stop me and ask directions but I can't for the life of me tell them where the place I've just come from is

    Rick Murray
    Community Member
    1 month ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Go over the little hump. Count twenty seven seconds. Left. Eighty eight seconds. Right (by the tree in case your timekeeping sücks). Three minutes, left, no not that left that one is at two forty five...

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    Peter H
    Community Member
    1 month ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My favorite was when someone, in all seriousness, included in the directions to their house "Turn left where Dwayne hit the deer."

    Monosyllabicgirl
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Found myself telling someone about a new store being built in the area and telling them it's "where the comic book store that had Pokémon tournaments was, and had the Baskin Robbins that was later on turned into a Subway in front of the lot..." then realized that everything i described was 20 yrs ago. Luckily the person understood the previous building uses but man that's the moment realizing I'm old. Not thinking of what is currently there but what used to be in those buildings at the time I first saw or frequented them.

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    #11

    Funny Prime Awesome tweet about a road rage incident and mistaken identity involving sunglasses and Elton John.

    primawesome Report

    #12

    Tweet by Mike Primavera @primawesome humorously commenting on gossip and people being awful, part of prime awesome tweets collection.

    primawesome Report

    NapQueen
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Animals are better than humans, every single time.

    Janice Sanz
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lately and in certain circles.

    Daria
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    and i don't even know who that so-and-so could be

    Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
    Community Member
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They are also DELICIOUS! Ding Dongly Ding! Enjoy Soylent Green!

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    Robust Branding's experts add that, in the context of marketing, this can lead to stronger emotional connections with the brand, increased likelihood of content sharing, greater receptivity to marketing messages, and enhanced memory retention of brand information.

    "By tapping into these psychological mechanisms, humor in social media marketing can create lasting impressions and foster brand loyalty," they say.

    #14

    Tweet by Mike Primavera @primawesome about struggling to find motivation with amusing prime awesome humor.

    primawesome Report

    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's as good as an excuse as any. I'll add that to my list.

    SCP 4666
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's why I'm trying to get in shape - to be able to run away from the zombies

    joann fielding
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just surround your house with treadmills, they'll never get anywhere. Haha

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    P R
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All the more reason to try to keep in shape

    Jaya
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's why you need to get in shape, if I've learned anything from post-apocalyptic movies, it's that you need to be in great shape to survive.

    Khavrinen
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Could"? Sounds like someone's ridiculously over-optimistic.

    #15

    Tweet by Mike Primavera @primawesome humorously describing being American as living in the last months of an apartment without getting the deposit back.

    primawesome Report

    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    More specifically, the deposit is what you're paying into social security from withholdings throughout your working life, that some are trying to make sure you never collect.

    Multa Nocte
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or worse, your landlord is going to ask you for damages when you've only improved the place.

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    There's a fine line between being funny and being offensive, warns Robust Branding. "While humor can be a powerful engagement tool, it’s important to use it wisely," the site notes.

    Err on the side of caution by avoiding controversial topics, being sensitive to cultural differences, testing humor on a small scale before wider implementation, monitoring audience reactions and adjusting accordingly, and balancing funny content with informative posts.

    This will help minimize the risk of offense while maximizing the benefits of humor.

    #16

    Tweet from Mike Primavera about adapting to new challenges, showcasing prime awesome humor in a relatable social media post.

    primawesome Report

    L.V
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'll figure it out... Because I really don't have another choice

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    #17

    Tweet by Mike Primavera from primaawesome account, a hilarious relatable thought from prime awesome tweets collection.

    primawesome Report

    giku T
    Community Member
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i am at an age that every other adult is younger than me ..

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Try going on a cruise if you want a change from that.

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    Charlotte Ingle
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When you see a table of old people in the corner of the restaurant and you realize that yes, those are the people you are meeting and yes, they are your age

    April Pickett
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When you start hearing your favorite songs at the grocery store, in the elevator, in the doctor's office, and on the phone.

    L.V
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't do that, however I assume that, unlike me, other adults have their s**t together...

    Angela C
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At my old job I had the mentality that everyone who had been there longer than me was older than me and everyone who was newer was younger than me

    Giles McArdell
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My Father in law takes what he calls "old people" (70-80ish) out on local countryside walks, he's 90!

    Daria
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    there are kids and adults, with you somewhere in between

    sbj
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never!

    Lee Gilliland
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    60, give or take.

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    That's not to say a tiny bit of controversy won't work. There’s something called the “benign violation theory,” which basically states that humor happens when something’s “wrong” but not too wrong. Weird enough to make you laugh, but not so weird you want to log off.

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    It’s why people love tweets that cross the line just a little bit — like a dog wearing sunglasses or someone confessing that they accidentally texted their boss “love you.”

    #18

    Tweet by Mike Primavera humorously questioning the phrase Jesus loves me, featured in prime awesome hilarious tweets.

    primawesome Report

    KnightOwl86
    Community Member
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tell Jesus I have a bf and I'm not interested.

    Beady El
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don’t say that to the JWs at your door. You’ll never get rid of them.

    Ace
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    🎶Cos Jesus he knows me and he knows I'm right

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    Lor
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    😂😂😂😂😂🥰

    #19

    Tweet from Mike Primavera sharing a hilarious prime awesome moment about singing for his dog every morning.

    primawesome Report

    Carey Jacksonn
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do that too! But that’s not my name and I sing it for myself haha 🤣

    #20

    Tweet from user primawesome humorously comparing commitment to excellence with a dog trying to lie down in the perfect position.

    primawesome Report

    Janissary35680
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ...or trying to find exactly the right spot to pọop.

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    #21

    Tweet by Mike Primavera humorously describing himself as the Area 51 of his family, shared in hilarious Prime Awesome tweets.

    primawesome Report

    Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
    Community Member
    3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    More likely, don't understand your stuff. i love those bits when my Mom or my Dad can talk about the same things. Then i start going off on the specific stuff and we all start talking about cats and dogs and oh ADHD runs in my family.

    The expert comedy writers at GOLD Comedy call tweeting “an art form,” and we'd tend to agree.

    Trying to be funny on X can be likened to writing a stand-up set with a 280-word limit — and no stage. The best tweets pack timing, personality, and punch into one tiny box of words. No setup, no explanation — just instant payoff.

    And it would seem from this listicle and Mike Primavera's tweets that he's got it down pat!

    #22

    Tweet about guilt and anxiety from leaving a dog alone, featured in hilarious Prime Awesome tweets collection.

    primawesome Report

    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    More often, it's a combination of appropriate responsibility to the pet, and concern about what the dog is doing to the furniture to express its feelings of abandonment.

    Thanos'Fingers
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And a small mix of jealousy that the dog gets to stay home on the couch.

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    Gingersnap In Iowa
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I went to the grocery store yesterday and there's no one happy to see me when I get home.😞

    Pam Wilson-Walter
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Have two so they can keep each other company.

    #23

    Tweet by Mike Primavera @primawesome about Friday the 13th and daily struggles, part of hilarious Prime Awesome tweets collection.

    primawesome Report

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Friday the 13th comes on a Thursday next month, and that's too d**n close for me.

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    #24

    Tweet from primawesome humorously stating baseball is replaced by being mad as the new American pastime.

    primawesome Report

    Beady El
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Stark raving.

    Nikki Sevven
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And the madmen are driving the rest of us mad.

    tee-lena
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh ,look!I'm already an expert!

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    #25

    Tweet by Mike Primavera @primawesome with hilarious prime awesome humor about pinky swearing not to eat people when collapse happens.

    primawesome Report

    Adam Zad
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We're having RIBS for dinner!

    realenancy170
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's horrible and disgusting! I would never! I'm a thumb girl myself, meatier.

    Nikki Spears Gross
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You k**l it, I'll grill it!! You choke it, I'll smoke it!!

    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never eat clowns! They taste funny.

    Dave Baxter
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But that's one aspect I'm especially looking forward to...! 🤣☠️😉

    #26

    Tweet from Mike Primavera about how the voice people use for their dog reveals personality, featured in prime awesome tweets.

    primawesome Report

    digitalin
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I mean, that's just what he sounds like.

    Monosyllabicgirl
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My fat, big-boned male cat has the highest pitched kitten squeak for a meow. You expect him to sound like James Earl Jones based on looks and stance then "eeep!"

    Niki
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My cat sounds like a slightly pampered super villain.

    Doug Moyer
    Community Member
    2 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Guys! Guys! Guys! I have a great idea! Let's PLAY!! ~Kasi

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    #28

    Tweet about Midwest holiday parties and unique dishes, featured in hilarious prime awesome tweets collection.

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    Multa Nocte
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Again, facts.

    Gingersnap In Iowa
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was talking to my cousin yesterday, keep in mind we're the sophicated ones in the family, and I'm emailing her my big Mac tator tot casserole recipe. Midwest born and raised!

    Deeelite
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh wow! I just googled this - it's real!

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    Day Andie
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gingersnap DOES NOT lie, and no Darla, it is not a joke. Oddly enough, if you've had enough liquor (beer will do) you'll chow down on it and think it's pretty good. Ya'll need to have the recipe. Be advised it has 1000 island dressing and dill pickle in it for that extra special goodness. As the website says, this is not diet food. https://www.thisisnotdietfood.com/big-mac-tater-tot-cassserole/

    Daria
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    it's a joke, isn't it?

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    #29

    Tweet from Mike Primavera on self-discipline humor featured in prime awesome tweets collection.

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    Uncle Panda
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I live alone and vacuuming is still an issue. The place needs vacuuming, but the guy who's chore it is is lazy (also me). Eventually, I put the vac out so he'll see it but he ignores it. Then I move the vac near the path through the house, and he sets it aside. Then I put it in the path, and the SOB hangs a shirt on it! After a week of auto-passive aggression, he'll finally vacuum. It ain't easy being green.

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When it comes to my life, I've always run a tight shipwreck.

    Mary Peace
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't want to vacuum because the noise upsets the cat. But I need to vacuum because there's cat hair everywhere.

    #30

    Tweet by Mike Primavera sharing a hilarious Prime Awesome moment about personal growth and impressive self-reflection.

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    Jake Bertz
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    D**n dude no need to flex on us that hard

    Monosyllabicgirl
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I heard a song from the 2000s on the radio a few weeks ago that I'd never heard before. It was about somebody having stolen his car radio and now he just sits in silence and invasive thoughts that sneak in. I found it to be a really poignant and deep song, had to look it up right away as I was very impressed with the lyrics

    Ugh, do I have to?
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I never understood this. My own thoughts are excellent company! Why do others feel otherwise?

    Angela C
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because some of our thoughts are not such excellent company

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    #31

    Tweet by Mike Primavera with a humorous take on life, featured in prime awesome funny tweets collection.

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    April Pickett
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Finally found my spot. I lay down in the middle of the van.

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    #33

    Tweet by Mike Primavera with a humorous horse girl poem, part of prime awesome tweets to brighten your morning.

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    Multa Nocte
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    🎶 And all that glitters is gold - Only shootin' stars break the mold 🎶

    Uncle Panda
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Shouldn't that be 'hay now'?

    veirdbuttrue
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol, this guy is very witty!!!

    Luke Branwen
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is that the Uma Musume stuff everyone's talking about?

    #34

    Tweet from Mike Primavera sharing a heartfelt message about loving his dog in a prime awesome tweet.

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    #35

    Tweet by Mike Primavera discussing TikTok memes being shared like printed memes, highlighting prime awesome humor in social media posts.

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    Leanne Hailes
    Community Member
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you don't download the app you can't see them

    Ace
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Err, yes, you can. I mean, I generally choose not to, but in very rare situations I might click on one and view it in my web browser, no login required.

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    #36

    Funny-Tweets-Mike-Primavera

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    Vicki Perizzolo
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pitties area awesome but bad lovers ..drag that security blanket all.over the living room

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    #37

    Tweet about Oreo cream filling humor from Prime Awesome, showcasing a funny take on work and rewards.

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    Jihana
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Personally I think the cream is overrated but the cookies are very good. I'd buy creamless Oreos.

    Eggwodd
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm picturing a giant Oreo sitting in a paddock, with a rope.

    les
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    oreos taste like mud with a lot of added sugar

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    #38

    Tweet from Mike Primavera about being anxious over time while his girlfriend treats time as a construct, prime awesome humor.

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    LB
    Community Member
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ADHD, yeah?

    Tim Douglass
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Had an uncle like that. The morning they were supposed to leave on a 3 week driving vacation, an hour before they are planning to leave, he goes out, jacks up the car and removes all 4 wheels to re-do the brakes and re-pack the wheel bearings. They left the next day.

    Jaya
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm afraid I am one of those people to whom time is a construct.

    Doug Moyer
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My friend is like that. I think it originated as a passive aggressive reaction to her very controlling father, but it persists all these years after his death. We just lie to her about what time we have to leave.

    Robert Millar
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ... and do my nails... where are my brown gloves... have you seen my keys/phone/etc... wait, I need to change this coat... ad infinitum.

    #39

    Tweet by Mike Primavera humorously reflecting on being locked in when hearing their dog dislikes many people, part of prime awesome tweets.

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    Doug Moyer
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because, of course, I will be one of those few...

    tee-lena
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Of course! Side story. I found out I'm queen of the veterans housing next door. Well,I'm queen of the dogs. They get so excited to see me. It's hilarious and awesome

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    #41

    Tweet by Mike Primavera from primawesome about taking a hot yoga class and emotional honesty in hilarious prime awesome tweets.

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    Beady El
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But I can do that at home, and cheaper…

    Anna Purnell
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sign me the heck UP!

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    #42

    Tweet from Mike Primavera with a humorous question about society crumbling, part of prime awesome tweets collection.

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    #43

    Tweet by Mike Primavera with a humorous and blunt message from prime awesome Twitter account.

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    #44

    Tweet by Mike Primavera with humorous content about sleeping like a horse in a collection of prime awesome tweets.

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    PenguinEmp
    Community Member
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Horses sleep laying down my dude. Learn

    Jesse
    Community Member
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not for long and only when they feel safe enough. Mostly, they doze on their feet.

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    #45

    Tweet about a humorous dog food transition plan chart, featured in prime awesome tweets collection.

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    Gingersnap In Iowa
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Does your girlfriend make charts for people? Asking for a friend.

    Alyson Thorley
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    3.50 cups a day = 1.75 cups a meal, so you are short changing her.

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    Lisa Delgado
    Community Member
    1 month ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your girlfriend doesn't know how to do math.

    gvizzle_ 74
    Community Member
    2 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Beatrice is being over or under fed. 1.25 x 3 = 3.75. She's getting an extra 0.25 cup per day if she gets three meals. 1.25 x 2 = 2.5. she's getting underfed 1 cup if she only gets two

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    #46

    Tweet by Mike Primavera @primaawesome with a hilarious joke, part of prime awesome tweets collection.

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    #47

    Tweet by Mike Primavera humorously comparing taking all pills at once to a seagull eating trash in prime awesome tweets.

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    #48

    Tweet by Mike Primavera humorously explaining football helmets with face masks prevent players from kissing in prime awesome tweets.

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    Day Andie
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This I believe. I've seen the way they smack each other on the a*s.

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    #49

    Tweet from Mike Primavera humorously comparing marriage and mortgage, showcasing prime awesome tweets with hilarious takes.

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    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's the other way around." - John Kenneth Galbraith

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    #50

    Tweet by Mike Primavera with humorous text hoping an email pushes someone over the edge, from Prime Awesome tweets collection.

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    Rick Murray
    Community Member
    1 month ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If the earth is flat, just stand at the edge and call out "here kitty kitty kitty!".

    #51

    Tweet by Mike Primavera humorously discussing pets, featured in a collection of prime awesome tweets for morning coffee laughs.

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    #53

    Tweet by Mike Primavera humorously stating friendship includes kissing his dog on the mouth, prime awesome tweet humor.

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    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Let's just be acquaintances, since my best offer is the top of the dog's head.

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    #54

    Tweet by Mike Primavera humorously calling feeding your dog its own eye boogers a victimless crime in prime awesome tweets.

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    Beady El
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’ve occasionally taken eye boogers off my cat’s face and now she loves it. She’ll often steer my scratching fingers to the corners of her eyes.