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Being sarcastic gets a bad rep. They say sarcasm is for those who are incapable of honest and heartfelt communication. I say: “Do not slander my sarcastic king Chandler Bing like that!” (The rhyme is accidental, apologies.) Yes, it is a coping mechanism for those of us who often feel awkward during emotional moments. That’s where its element of relatability comes from.
The Instagram account I’m Being Sarcastic posts daily comedy snippets from TikTok, X (formerly known as Twitter) and other meme-tastic internet places. For some insights into what properties sarcasm brings to comedy and what we deem funny, Bored Panda reached out to Steven Kapica, assistant professor of English at Keuka College, and assistant professor Peter Kunze at Tulane University. Check out their thoughts below! And if you’re looking for a good laugh, scroll through our selected posts and let us know: could this list BE any better?
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Superninjatiger 2 years ago
A friend I thought was a sane person once said something like this to me, I asked him which brand he used and that he should contact them for defected masks and that they probably would wanna hear about it and maybe run som tests to make sure their masks doesn't suffocate their users. He did not want to do that since "whatever, masks are stupid anyways".
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Francine Oglethorpe 2 years ago
I pushed a human being out of my body while wearing a mask...I second the drama queen comment
tw 72 2 years ago (edited)
Exactly. Mr Mitchell needs to talk to any woman in his life (like wife, ex, sister, mother) who has gone thru childbirth and tell them that he thinks wearing a mask is just way to hard. He's an idiot.
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Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 2 years ago
I wear a half face respirator for hours on end at work. That little piece of cloth is nothing. Antimaskers are ridiculous.
Dick Fint 2 years ago
I've had COPD for almost two decades now, I use three separate inhalers and take some pill that helps me back up the stuff that builds up. (just like a cat with a hairball) I could not wear the cotton masks without getting out of breath after minor exertion. My regular doctor found a mask of some type of man made material that did a reasonable job excluding the virus, but allowed me to breath with just a small extra effort compared to cotton. Plus it came with replaceable liners. A bit more expensive, but cheaper than covid!
Channo Sagara 2 years ago
At least surgeons are paid handsomely. I worked in a chemical waste landfill and literally might die if we don't wear mask. We work for 8 hours a day for minimum wage.
Agfox 2 years ago
Normally, I don't recommend violence but if someone could staple &/or super glue a mask to this guy's face then that would be great, thanks
Gardener of Weeden 2 years ago
I vote super glue - staples would leave air holes LOL
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Sponge Blob 2 years ago
I wish someone printed that near Bill's office, so he could think about that every day.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
Well, who said Bill Mitchell struggling to breathe was a bad thing?
Academics Steven Kapica and Peter Kunze were kind enough to share their expertise on sarcasm in comedy. Both agree that using sarcasm can easily lead to confusion and misunderstandings.
Peter Kunze notes sarcasm’s linkage to insincerity. “[O]nline, the sincere and the insincere are always difficult to distinguish. It truly is in the eye of the beholder,” he says. Dr. Kapica observes that sarcasm is location-specific and is best used in contexts where audiences are “in the know” and “of like mind”.
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#2
cerinamroth 2 years ago
I do it after I've run for the bus so no one on board thinks I need medical assistance
Mimi La Souris 2 years ago
not event trying ! because even if I tried, my bright red face like a lighthouse version would betray me
Sans Serif (Sans) 2 years ago
Sadly, this started a while back and it's not getting any better! 8-(
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kath morgan 2 years ago
Yea I am guilty of trying not to huff while passing other runners so they don’t know how close to death I am
Yer maw 2 years ago
Every damn time. I'm sure the hill to the kids school is growing and getting steeper!
#3
Kris 2 years ago
I dont get the miss or mrs thing. We dont use that where I am from. Frankly it does not matter unless you are actually going on a date
CJay M 2 years ago
I don’t like this one. He wasn’t being disrespectful, he was asking if she was in a relationship so he clearly either still likes her or was being polite, and she was snarky to him in return
Lexekon 2 years ago
I find it saddening, that somehow this is a triumph. If you care about someone, you want to know how they are doing. I would take it to mean she had given up on romance entirely, and this was her way of avoiding a painful topic by changing the subject to her professional life.
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Nacho Man Sandy Ravage 2 years ago
At least being a Dr she'll be able to prescribe something for that burn she dished out
David A Paterson 2 years ago
Especially fun if she's a doctor of philosophy.
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Brock Landers 2 years ago
It's cringe that some people think this is some epic burn instead of a single woman sadly overcompensating because an ex dared to ask if she was married. I take it she is not, surprise surprise. Dude dodged a bullet
There are instances when sarcasm should be used cautiously. “Teachers, for instance,” Kapica adds, “should generally steer clear of using sarcasm in the classroom. Bad idea because the student/teacher relationship is rife with complicated power dynamics.” That’s why the relationship between the user and the receiver is very important.
“[P]erformers have very specific kinds of relationships with those to whom they perform. Sarcasm, then, is a performative choice, a choice built upon audience awareness. Performed sarcasm should be attuned to its intended audience. And when I say ‘performed,’ by the way, I mean everything from telling a joke to creating and posting a meme,” clarifies Kapica.
#4
CascadedFalls 2 years ago (edited)
The cashier's are always right edition, instead of the customer is always right.
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Mimi La Souris 2 years ago
Treat them like they treat you ! There’s enough of these rude people. do like this French saleswoman : a more than unpleasant customer told her "the customer is king" and the saleswoman replied "should I remind you the fate of the last one ? "
cerinamroth 2 years ago
Yes, I prefer the DGAF attitude of continental Europeans now - but it took me a long time to get used to it as a Brit, I have to admit! I'm not sure if an American could handle it ;-)
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Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
I was chatting to a bottle shop employee today and she said during the worst of the pandemic when she had to work behind a plastic shield, customers would try and spit on her. :(
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
If I owned a shop, I would have a notice that says, 'Be prepared to be treated in accordance with your behaviour. Our staff are instructed that respect is only available to those who earn it'
Sami-Jo Ross 2 years ago
The Purge but we can deck a customer for being an entitled fucktrumpet.
#5
Joshua David 2 years ago
I'm very lucky as a 45 yo gay man to have had both a 15 yr and my current 11 yr relationship with 2 men who adore(d) me in this way. I'm the unstable one most of the time. Total relationships in 45 years? 3.
Sue Denham 2 years ago
I thought it was just a guy talking to his car until I read the last one.
Sue User 2 years ago
Story time: my mother called our car Betsy. So when I took drivers ed, i spoke to the car and called it Betsy. Teacher told me that weird and years ago he had another student who did that. Turns out it was my sister.
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Apple Jakes 2 years ago
If I told my wife I was proud of her the involuntary eye roll might throw her into a coma.
Kayjunmoon 2 years ago
Dogs and cats can live together happily. Just give a dog a chance:)
Load More Replies... Brock Landers 2 years ago
So we should marry someone who goes behind our back and gets another dog without discussing it first?
SmooshieFries 2 years ago
Which is why we have FIVE! Coco, Emme, Charlie, Mia and LilGirl. Snuggled up with them now keeping my chills at bay cause I have a 101.6 fever
#6
Bruce Horton 2 years ago
Not at all stupid unless you believe there are no biased people in the world I'd sports.
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The sheer amount of comedy accounts online that rely on sarcasm would suggest that it automatically makes everything funny. Dr. Steven views it as a double-edged sword. “Done well, sarcasm can elevate an otherwise basic (lame) joke. Tongue-in-cheek, what have you. Done very well, it can provide layers and nuance. A meme or joke that engages its audience on multiple levels? Good comedy.”
“Conversely, poorly executed sarcasm can sink an otherwise good or well-intentioned joke or piece of comedy. I think of Daniel Tosh’s [sexual harassment] joke debacle (and George Carlin's far superior handling of subject matter generally deemed ‘off limits’).”
#7
Couragetcd 2 years ago
Bummer, you should have only gained 19 with COVID 😁
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Sans Serif (Sans) 2 years ago
Me thinks you haven't been staying current, Tracy. BP now even censors the device you use to open a door - as in door k**b! 8-)
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XanthippeⓐWulf🇨🇦️️🇬🇧 2 years ago
We didn't gain the covid chub, but it was definitely "sun's out, buns out" in the Wulf-Jones household. 😉 I kind of secretly miss the whole quarantine thing. Not the reason behind it by any means, but I do miss having an excuse to sit around in my undies & watch 25 back to back seasons of Ancient Aliens without feeling like an absolute lump.
#8
Em 2 years ago
I think it's meant to be the opposite. "You are not a baller, you do not have this kind of money, put me back in your wallet right the hell now."
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Ross “Sarcastic Dad” 2 years ago
Keanu gets a lot of love, but Terry Crews is the s**t as well. Love that dude.
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
I have a wallet with this picture printed all over it, it gets a lot of laughs from the people who recognize it
#9
Daya Meyer 2 years ago (edited)
When our dog was a little puppy, she would follow me everytime I had to get up at night. She waited patiently in front of the door, followed me back into the bedroom and after she was back in her bed and comfy again, she sighed deeply and released. Humans are exhausting!
Jay Cee 1 year ago
We had a re-homed Border Collie who we think had been with a dead previous owner - freaked out once when I was laying on the floor - used to follow you upstairs to the bathroon and wait outside, One night he jumped the fence in the back garden and went missing until the next morning. We searched for hours but he made it home and sat, ACROSS the street, whining to be let in. Spent all that day at the BOTTOM of the stairs. Whenever anybody went up he'd barely move his head.
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JJ 2 years ago (edited)
My dog recently started closing the bedroom door when I go to the bathroom at night. Like, I leave it open to not interrupt husband's sleep and now every time, doggo gets up after I left and pushes himself against the door with a loud sigh. And he sighs even louder that he has to move when I come back. Poor dog.
CascadedFalls 2 years ago (edited)
She's there to protect you from the monsters that lurk in the dark.
Gardener of Weeden 2 years ago
I use a plant light in my bathroom - it is on at night Low, gives me light and I can have plants in my bathroom.
Colleen Glim 2 years ago
What is this plant light you speak of? I need details
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We come back to context. “Context is everything in comedy,” says Kapica. “Context is why some scholars and comedians argue that jokes can't effectively cross cultural borders. What's funny to an urban New Yorker is not necessarily funny to a reader in the Southern Tier (rural, western New York). The same is true with American-oriented comedy and, say, Brazilian-oriented comedy.”
“Because sarcasm is so context-dependent, it is far more likely to miss than hit its mark. And when sarcasm misses its mark, it misses BIG,” claims Dr. Steven. He points to “cancel culture” as one of the best examples of a failed attempt at sarcasm.
#10
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
Probably not. The DNA from hair samples comes from the root, and cut hair doesn't tend to have a root.
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Alexandra Davis 2 years ago
It wouldn't have the roots so not able to retrieve DNA so she's all good. But I hope someone nurtures that curious mind of hers! Amazing thing to think about and be aware of at that age!
Rebelliousslug 2 years ago
As long as they didn’t yank her hair out with the roots attached she’ll be fine. Plot twist, she plans on being a criminal when she grows up.
cugel. 2 years ago
Too few. Otherwise she'd know about how all the other evidence has to line up as well.
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Amber Cook 2 years ago
Since it's 'cut' hair, there would be not root or bulb. Therefor, NO. -from a Cosmetologist.
MisGra 2 years ago
There's a lot of people here who know nothing about DNA - it absolutely can, and had been used in the prosecution of criminals as it can be tested - if it's got a root, great... but they don't need one. It's pretty expensive to do, so it's obviously not the first thing they would test, but if they need it they will.
Aisling Raye 2 years ago
Just to address the comments that there is no DNA in the hair follicle itself, that information is outdated. Granted, the amount of DNA in the follicle is certainly less than you'd find in the root, but you can reliably get mitochondrial DNA if you only have the follicle to work with. May not be a full profile, but it's sure good enough to track down your relatives...even more so now that so many people send their DNA to 23andme and ancestry for testing lol. Maybe im just trying to prevent people from thinking that leaving hair behind at a crime scene is nearly meaningless. Maybe I just think genetic research is fascinating. Either way, it's an interesting update on something that comes up on the internet every now and then.
#11
CascadedFalls 2 years ago (edited)
This! I am guilty of doing exactly this. 😅
Load More Replies... Superninjatiger 2 years ago (edited)
I have dermatillomania and have had it under pretty good control for a long time, started acting up again a couple of weeks ago and now my face looks like I've scratched it with a fork. 0/10, would not recommend
Nonna_SoF 2 years ago
I have no idea what that is, but I hope you feel soon.
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Lori T Wisconsin 2 years ago
Use hydrocolloid pimple patches. They draw out the gunk with no injury to the skin and also decrease inflammation.
kath morgan 2 years ago
Right before I leave for work, even though the mirror is there all day.
#12
CascadedFalls 2 years ago
" We've been concerned about your well-being..."
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Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
I did this during a literature presentation at university once! The tutor thought it was so hilarious she gave me extra marks.
SarcasticSloth 2 years ago
Needs to be iced tea in that bottle to make it even more of a guessing game.
Gardener of Weeden 2 years ago
I also like to eat yogurt out of mayo jars. Love to keep people confused.
Memes about work life and relationships tend to get the most views online. Sarcastically looking at these topics can offer us some release. “[W]hen do we most need the release sarcasm can offer?” asks Kapica.
“When we're buried in work, wrestling with incompetence, bored out of our minds, butting heads with colleagues, or bosses, or simply facing insurmountable tons of tedious work. Or when the ebbs [and] flows of our relationships test our sanity and will to live.”
#13
Michael Largey 2 years ago
Once when she was mad with me, my mother said, "You've never grown up!" Oh, and who was in charge of me when that wasn't happening?
Sven Horlemann 2 years ago
Sounds like you're having an argument and mom is not getting what she wants.
#14
Sue User 2 years ago
So its not me. I was so tired of hearing " you seem serious i am not ready for a comittment" only to hear they were marrying the next girlfriend.
Isa Wan 2 years ago
...and doing all the things with the next girlfriend they did not want to do with me in the relationship. A******s.
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Helen Rohrlach 2 years ago
So.....she trains them to pee in the right place, tolerate all members of the family and not be a d**k.
Mimi La Souris 2 years ago
there is a movie about a men like that, no ? all his ex find love after their breakup and the women chase him just for that
Rider 2 years ago
Every time. Except the most recent, I hope for the sake all women he dies alone.
Annie Persson 2 years ago
I am another foster girlfriend! I am also fostermom to cats, and not until now did I see the similarities lol! I tend to be friends with my exes, and it makes me actually happy to see them ending up happy ever after, after I am finished with them
Bored Birgit 2 years ago
Thankfully you are not crying. Don't always fall for the same type of man.
#15
Peppy 2 years ago
I’m very envious of people who can nap, it’s a skill I need to learn
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Whiskey Tango Delicious 2 years ago
I'm reading this just as I woke from dozing. It's 9:40 am, send help!
Sandra Morison 2 years ago
So much harder to pull an alldayer as you creep towards 60.........
Bored Trash Panda 2 years ago
I'm not even half way through my work day and I need a nap.. but I only got 3 hrs of sleep last night so yea...
The Amazing Fluffernaut 2 years ago
Unless I'm sleep deprived from going to bed too late and its a big amount of sleep I'm missing, I can't nap
The simpler answer is that those are just universally the most relatable topics. “Work and relationships are two of comedy's commonplaces. Everyone works. Everyone has relationship troubles. Everyone poops,” Kapica quips. “Work and relationships. Farts. These are both easy targets and necessary targets (the comedy-as-release, or topical pain relief, factor).”
#16
Anikulapo 2 years ago (edited)
I never understood friends getting up at 4:00 AM to do their homework. Is that better than detention? Really?
#17
Claire Bailey 2 years ago
If I don't already have my glasses on I'm not going to find the rest 😐
Sue User 2 years ago
I am so blind that if i dont have my glasses on, i cant find my glasses.
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Zwiebel Suppe 2 years ago
My boyfriend likes to wear those cargo pants with pockets everywhere, so when he leaves his house he actually does the dance from the children's song to check if he's got his phone etc. :)
David A Paterson 2 years ago
Making the Catholic sign of the crucifix is officially known as "spectacles, test*cles, wallet and watch".
Christof Irran 2 years ago
I thought it was "Spectacles, testicles, wallet, watch" - learn something new every day...
SarcasticSloth 2 years ago
"Watch, wallet, spectacles, testicles" along with the respective grabbing of each part.
#18
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
I made one of myself. I put pins in it to give myself voodoo acupuncture
HelluvaHedgehogAlien 2 years ago
Whoever got my voodoo doll, please burn it. That thing might be possessed /jk
two-sided llama 2 years ago
dont worry i have voodoo dolls of all the pandas so i could make one for you just need a close up picutre or some info about you
Was Oscar Wilde right, then? Is comedy really the lowest form of wit? Peter Kunze says it’s not necessarily the lowest, but it is on the easier side. According to him, people tend to like clever wordplay or satirical edge in their jokes. “The casual irony of sarcasm, imbued with snark and derision, can make it rather alienating—but also quite fun,” he adds.
#19
Mrs Irish Mom 2 years ago
And if you ever meet the dad ask him why he dresses so weird and then walk off
Omima mimi miki 2 years ago
dude LOL this couldn't be more true. This happened to my daughter a few times and it's funny how the parents have to take sides and automatically not talk to the other parent.
#20
troufaki13 2 years ago
Flower petals maybe? It doesn't look nice either way
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Jane No Dough 2 years ago
I prefer my biryani sans human, but your comment made me want some too.
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#21
Kobe (she) 2 years ago
Maybe they need a cat as a spirit animal :) ... or that pigeon
Load More Replies... Jane No Dough 2 years ago
TBF pigeons (and all other wildlife) are a lot smarter than many people think they are.
LuLuBelle 2 years ago
The human race is doomed to extinction in the next 100 years because the average person is a f*cking idiot.
Miz Chelle 2 years ago
I REALLY miss those circles and lines for social distancing... but, back to the smelly dude standing basically up your a*s in line while breathing down your neck.
Colleen Glim 2 years ago
I miss only allowing one person per family in the store. Don’t travel in packs and leave your screaming crotch goblins at home
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martymcmatrix 2 years ago
The person in the right is just avoiding her next bout of claustrophobia and her grandma was once hit by a meteor in the size of a grapefruit back in 1954...
Steven Kapica regards physical pain-based comedy the lowest: “Think Ow! My Balls! from Mike Judge's brilliant and prophetic Idiocracy.” Though he agrees that sarcasm is near the bottom of the barrel. “It doesn't take much skill to inflect a phrase with sarcasm in response to an authority's power move, or to use sarcasm to point out what is already obvious to everyone; the jokester who feels inclined to perform what everyone else is thinking isn't [a] comic genius.”
#22
Sans Serif (Sans) 2 years ago
I want to be a "cool wine uncle" but, not sure it works that way...
Load More Replies... Joshua David 2 years ago
As a gay uncle to 4 nieces and nephews who live 1k miles from me, I am this.
Sharkie 2 years ago
One special travel cat companion and of course all of the cats from the neighborhood loves you and comes just to chill every day you are at home.
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Brittania Kelli 2 years ago
Sorry, all the wine in the world, every exotic vacation, all the money, none of it is worth my kid. My kid is my world.
Cara G 2 years ago
I'll be your babysitter if you ever want to go to the movies or something.
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Deborah B 2 years ago
I'm going to be the cool aunt who does art projects, and helps you plan what colour to dye your hair, and will 100% cover both your arms with stick on tattoo sleeves, spike your hair, and give you a little leather biker vest and fake piercings and take photos of you looking tough.
#23
Anna Stephenson 2 years ago
And also last thing at night!?- I literally told my friend before she became my housemate, that I needed at least 15 mins of quiet alone time each evening to wind down and she said "no problem"..........then moved in and proceeded to talk THE ENTIRE TIME while I was "winding down", then got offended when I kept reminding her it was my "quiet time".........when she moved out her chief comment was "it's probably best I move out. Now, before we ruin the friendship- because you've been a b*tch to me lately!
Kobe (she) 2 years ago
No offence, but can't you find a alone space to do that then? I suppose you have more than just one shared room? If I needed 15 min of alone time / quiet time and a roomy would keep on talking, I would move myself with a cup of tea and a good book ( or whatever) to my bedroom. Recharge, and then after half an hour, I'll emerge and you can chat ...
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Superninjatiger 2 years ago
I would love to send this to my elderly neighbors, they don't make a sound during the day (except for the mans two scream-sneezes once a day) but in the morning they are so loud I get invested in their conversations. And I love that they have been together for about 60 years and still seem to have so much to talk about - at least in the morning.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
I asked my neighbour how he kept his kids quiet in the mornings. He said "Duct tape. Lots and lots of duct tape"
genevievelovespurple 2 years ago
this phrase should be illegal: “how are you guys this morning?…. I CANT HEAR YOU!”
Angela Allen Simms 2 years ago
My mom would call me during the days I worked nights. I reminded her that I SLEEP during the day. It toke a while for her to get it. So I started calling her when I was working. Didn't take long for her to get it. She's gone now, I still work nights. Now my Dad and brother live with me...
Nadine Debard 2 years ago
At night time my husband loves to ask questions like 'should we change our car' or organisation stuff like 'what time do you think we'll go at the supermarket on saturday' and I quickly explained him that it ruined my whole night (overthinker here). He understood, but recently hé forgot and asked some stress-inducing stuff and I answered 'sorry, but please stop it now, I'm gonna sleep right now'. Fortunately next day he wasn't upset (I asked). I need my 'brain offline' time before sleeping or I get insomniac.
#24
Cjo 2 years ago
If he keeps that up, he will find himself divorced. He is supposed to know that he is to cave in after a few times she asks. And then later take the blame for letting her have the candy.
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Mrs Irish Mom 2 years ago (edited)
Told my husband im on a strict diet and not to go the shop at al to buy me wine, after a long hard week i wanted wine he said no so i told him to not listen to me when i tell him my diet plans on a monday, he laughted and pulled out a bottle of wine from behind the sofa, hes a good husband 😂
He gives another example from cinema: “The scene from Raising Arizona (1987) where Glen (Sam McMurray) tries to explain what a ‘way-home-er’ joke is to Nick Cage's H.I. The scene is funny because it's broadly acted (slapstick; visually funny); the scene is witty because it layers H.I.'s reaction to Glen with the film audience's reaction to Glen and H.I.'s reaction to Glen. It's meta-comedy. That's wit.”
#25
Graham Berry 2 years ago
This is bull. I don't know of any guy who actively knows when a girl is sending them signals. We usually don't figure it out for months if ever, and then if we finally do we're utterly pissed with our selves at how clueless we were . We as men are mostly made up of idiots and we're not happy about it either.
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Ranger Kanootsen 2 years ago
Um... everyone on this planet confuses me. What now?
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ConstantlyJon 2 years ago
meh. or if you have super low self esteem and lots of trauma they can like you and you'll find out years later when they're way out of the picture.
Trophy Husband 2 years ago
That depends on your age and gender. Teenage me was confused no matter what. Adult me just wants a vacation.
#26
SCamp 2 years ago
Ahhh as a dog owner, I love my girl, but when we’re at the dog park do not let your dog jump on me, I hate it
BoredPossum 2 years ago
Yes, not everyone wants to get bit, licked, drooled on, pushed over or all of the above. Now its time to walk my anaconda...
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LuLuBelle 2 years ago
It's not okay to encourage dogs to jump on you, or let your dog jump on people. They're not smart enough to distinguish between healthy, hale young person who won't get hurt and old lady who could end up in the hospital. Manners are important for everyone, and jump up dogs aren't cute they're dangerous and rude.
Ren Karlej 2 years ago
I'm in agreeement with you but Your comment reminded me of my friends dog, she was a little terrier and she'd jump up to say hello to people she knew (not strangers) and she'd adjust her energy levels for the tiny girl in the room and the elderly man but full on enthusiasm for the people who could take it. I think you are right 99% of the time but some dogs are just very intuitive.
Load More Replies... Kobe (she) 2 years ago
Been in Germany for the summer. Amazing how most of the dogs totally ignore any other human, besides their own family. They really discipline their dogs very well. Never been jumped on by a dog over there ( as it should be). I really like dogs and cats, yet I don't want their dirty paws on me when I did not ask for it. They a have a pet or cuddle, but don't run me over.
The Doom Song 2 years ago
I love my boy but he's a 30kg lump of excitement. He has given me a concussion and chipped my partners tooth. So we DO NOT encourage jumping
Vividphoebe 2 years ago
Once when I was in elementary school and extremely afraid of dogs a pits bull came at me. I was on a walk with my family and it just ran out the door and went underneath me and went chasing after my brother with my hat in its mouth...I got so many bruises and the owner didn't even apologize. Still hate dogs to this day, no offense...
xWILTED_ROSEx 2 years ago
No. PLEASE APOLOGIZE. IF YOU LET IT HAPPEN IN THE FIRST PLACE< YOU AND YOUR STUPID DOG. ARE GOING TO BE IN TROUBLE.
The Dusty Rhino 2 years ago
Except when your Great Dane knocks me down and separates my shoulder.
Shelli Aderman 2 years ago
I ALWAYS apologize to the people of doggos, because I give them that, “Yes you can, ignore your parents” vibe, and allow the paws up jumps for the ear scritches all the time! (Sorry-not-sorry)
#27
Deborah B 2 years ago
Tell her that she can learn to bake off youtube, and when you're an adult, there's no one to stop you from making a whole cake, and eating cake and icecream for breakfast. Also, you can buy secondhand furniture for cheap. Don't tell her about the rent, the utilities, and the having-a-job thing, she deserves a childhood before she's confronted with the sucky reality of adulting.
The CareTaker 2 years ago
im 36 and feel the same, thank fully my husband is better then me lol
Jane, Not Plain 2 years ago
50+ years ago, my sister (older) wanted to move out. My mother sat her down and showed her how much tampons and toilet paper cost. She decided to stay.
Kapica doesn’t see much sense in ranking forms of wit and comedy. “I think sarcasm plays an important role in human interaction, in humor,” he admits. “Sarcasm can be an effective means of gauging, guiding, and winning one's audience ‘in the moment.’ But that's ‘live’ sarcasm. Internet-based sarcasm is... oof.”
#28
robin aldrich 2 years ago
I think it could be embarrassing for some people.
Load More Replies... Whiskey Tango Delicious 2 years ago
Omg, I need this! Netflix too! "This time 5 years ago you watched 'Swingers' 12 times in 10 days... We trust you moved on?"
Some Weirdo 2 years ago
On this day 5 years ago you listened to "before he cheats" by Carrie underwood. Hope he got what he deserves.
#29
General Stukov 2 years ago
Me sitting over here under appreciated as a security guard...
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White Sauce Hot Sauce 2 years ago
If a man talks like this about a policewoman and sneaks a picture, he'll be torn apart as a sexist pig.
#30
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
I get one the next two weekends! Was expecting one, because of a public holiday, but the second was a bonus.
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Cyber Returns 2 years ago
There are 5 meals in a day! Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch, Afternoon Tea and Dinner. You can also have a bonus 6th meal called Supper
Colleen Glim 2 years ago
And 16 chips is a serving. Who tf eats only 16 chips?!
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That’s a pretty big “oof”. Internet-based sarcasm is one of Kapica’s academic interests at the moment. He says sarcasm online works best when used in closed groups. “Sarcasm used within a specific internet-based community can (does) land because its audience is a given, a known quantity. Everyone is speaking the same language.”
“The problem (and it's a BIG problem) is when that sarcasm (think ‘inside jokes’) gets taken out of its original context. It is for this reason that so much internet-based humor is hit-or-miss.” His final advice for online jokesters is: “1) Know your audience and 2) Never forget that everything on the internet stays on the internet.”
#31
Binky Melnik 2 years ago (edited)
At work, someone once asked me how things were going. As a software quality engineer, I was responsible for making sure the software shipped as bug-free as possible. I answered him, “It’s awful! I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I have a constant stomach ache and headache, I’ve scratched all my skin off, and I can’t think!” He asked “And does that help?” He may as well have taken a hammer to my skull. That one question changed my life.
CanadianDimes 2 years ago
Unless the pre-stress keeps it from happening, duh. (Or so the anxiety part of my brain has me believe)
Potterhead 2 years ago
'My philosophy is that worrying means you suffer twice,' - Newt Scamander
Mell 2 years ago
I like to do something called 'omdenken' (Dutch). If I have a problem or a stressfull situation and I have influence over it, so I can do something about it with a plan of action of sorts, than I don't have to worry about it because I have a plan. And if I have something I don't have influence over, than I also don't have to worry about it because that would be a waste of time and energy. To think like this takes practise but it does help a lot with stressing out over things that don't need the energy.
Renée Filius 2 years ago
I love Omdenken! It saves me so much time worrying!
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#32
Trophy Husband 2 years ago
I'm not sure without intonation if the can driver thought she was on a booty call, or out to yell at her ex...
Allen Lavine 2 years ago
No it's not it's a complement for one your going do something that hopefully makes you happy s e x is a exercise, stress reliever and a bargaining tool all in one
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Lex <3 (they/them) 2 years ago
I mean, I woke at 6 in the morning to make my dog a pup cup on her first birthday so....
#33
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
My phone does not replace f*cking with any other word that sounds the same. It leaves it alone and knows why I used the word and f*cked if it's going to make the same mistake twice
Gardener of Weeden 2 years ago
Thank you for the literal LOL. You made my f*****g morning.
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Sans Serif (Sans) 2 years ago
Yes, was going to suggest that as well --- General-Keyboard-Text Replacement
Load More Replies... EvilNob 2 years ago
My phone has three different languages as standard so if I write something, at the first few words it has a hard time to offer me words. My Fitbit app is usually so confused that it has sometimes the three language mixed up on one page (what according the Fitbit support even after a print screen impossible is). So the best way for avoiding the autocorrect is to use more languages.
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
Very, very familiar with ducking, as in practicing ducking under our desks in the event of a nuclear bomb.
#34
Alex S 2 years ago
My god, how are the two people who commented here both somehow completely ignorant of the existence of house plants?
Binky Melnik 2 years ago
It’s the internet. Surely you’ve learned by now that it’s populated by the ignorant, the misinformed, the stupid, and the “will believe a crazy-a*s conspiracy theory before actual science” types? (If not, where have you been hanging out? I wanna go there!)
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Trophy Husband 2 years ago
I got a snake plant because I read it is hard to kill. I water it once every 2 to 3 weeks when I remember. So far it has worked out, but I'm knocking on wood as I write this!
Sandra Morison 2 years ago
Give a green plant or an orchid it thrives, cactus I've grown them to 6ft tall......but anything else that flower's literally dies in days
Eris Kallisti 2 years ago
Plants in the wild can die off too, though. There's a reason Americans don't roast chestnuts at Christmas anymore, and why there are so many Elm Streets with no elms.
Jessie 1 year ago
I do hope you realize the irony here because neither of those are ‘wild’.
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Ashley Bushaw 2 years ago
Some plants grow on the sides of trees. Some grow on the surface of bodies of water. Don't be so annoying.
Load More Replies... #35
TheOddPotater (she/her) 2 years ago
Little-Known Fact! When a human reaches 100% relaxing point, they morph into a very relaxed blob that is absolute liquid. It is more relaxed than being asleep and dreaming about your favorite thing in the whole world. nobody has ever done this because it is impossible :(
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LeeAnne B 2 years ago
Turn over, stomach dow, pull your knees up, get onto all fours, slide one leg up and over the side of the bath, feel for the floor and gain traction. Arm to follow and your basically out.
pat hayes 2 years ago
wow! survivalist tactics ! sounds like experience...right?🤔
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David A Paterson 2 years ago
Standard baths are too small for me. I'm six foot three and 120 kg. So I made the mistake of getting a really big bath didn't I. Now neither I nor my wife can get out of it without external assistance.
Little king trash mouth 2 years ago
I'm straight up cackling over her with her quote!
Load More Replies... Trophy Husband 2 years ago
That would be a nightmare for the sewers... and a fortune... and WHY?????
Sven Grammersdorf 2 years ago
That's a lot of oil, and it's not going to be good for your pipes
two-sided llama 2 years ago
i remenber putting so much bubbles in a bathtub when i was as young that i was sitting on my knees and when i sat on my butt i fell under.
#36
PlatinumThe8-BitCat 2 years ago
I so this at school, I don’t know how I get through the day without screaming at people
#37
David A Paterson 2 years ago
That's not what the girl said when I said it to her.
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VonBlade 2 years ago
Oh so when the Starbucks guy does it it's smooth and cute, and when someone you judge by their looks does it it's creepy and ick. Got it.
Monday 2 years ago
It's smooth and cute when the person doing it is conventionally attractive.....or rich. At least that's what I've gathered from my voyage on the internet.
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JL 2 years ago
Now you've got grounds for a lawsuit when you burn yourself because the Starbucks worker erased the warning from the cup.
Binky Melnik 2 years ago
I *would* think this was awesome but I imagine he does that a dozen times a day, at least, playing the odds.
Cherry M 2 years ago
In this logic at least 12 people feel flattered, which makes it even more awesome 🩵
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Brian Winter 2 years ago (edited)
Am I the only one who sees that the cup is empty based on the angle? Also could be wrong because you can't see the whole rim but it doesn't look like a cup that was drank from. I call 🐂 💩
Dan St John 2 years ago
I always carry a sharpie, so I can do this to my cup, and then show people.
#38
Cjo 2 years ago
By "new therapist" I take it that this wasn't this person's first therapy session.
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EmbersAreOut 2 years ago (edited)
I slept for two hours, had to sit through an annoying religion lecture that i hated with my soul and wanted to scream during because my teacher said that "women can't be anything but men's pretty things that have children", then was told that i couldn't go to a concert i had been looking forward to for months, then cried for two hours over no good reasoning. Good news is i got a really tasty coffee and i got to watch my fav youtubers for an hour :) Anyways, how have you been?
Load More Replies... Cara G 2 years ago
This right here is the reason why I'm avoiding finding a new therapist. I know I'd benefit from it tremendously and that I have a lot of trauma to process and heal from. But when I think about the monumental task of having to speak it into the ethers, my brain goes full Sophia: "Picture it, Sicily, 1929..." and my eyes glaze over.
PTJD 2 years ago
Exposure therapy can work for some. Each time you talk about it the less of a stress reaction you have. Then when you get triggered your body is trained to not respond. You deserve to have a new counselor and deserve the chance to process your trauma. Says some random guy on the Internet, but still.
Load More Replies... Gardener of Weeden 2 years ago
I asked my therapist " how does my total lacl of improvement make you feel?" She did not think it was funny... I did
Šimon Špaček 2 years ago
2018. So just before the plague. OK doctor, grab some popcorn, it will get interesting and tense now.
Miss Frankfurter 2 years ago
I dread when my psychiatrist retires. Seen him since 1998. I feel genuinely sorry for my next one.
#39
Monday 2 years ago
Exactly! I don't want to be involved in the drama, but I definitely want to hear all the details!
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Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 2 years ago
Drama is great --as long as it involves someone else. I can watch it for hours 😁
lonely miso 2 years ago
Why do people enjoy drama? Damn I just wanna live my life and love my life!
Show thyself 2 years ago
We call this "rentnern" (literally "pensioneering") at home. B/c we catch our window-pillows to lean out of the windows comfortably while watching the drama on the street.
#40
Carolyn Lively 2 years ago
I am very familiar with those! I can remember on certain Tuesdays thinking "It sure has been one LONG week, and it's only TUESDAY! Phew!"
Ren Karlej 2 years ago
My laptop had a catastophic crash at 8.20am on Monday... definitely a f*****g week. A large amount of money later...🧑💻
Irishwoman abroad 2 years ago
Me, first thing this morning as I struggled to get one of the gates open at work. 🤦
#41
Ryan Edwards 2 years ago
Here's the order of the full conversation. 1) ME gently touching friend's hand until my friend catches my gaze and acknowledges what I see = me saying "look at what that jerk/idiot/dumbass is doing"; 2) FRIEND responds by gently touching my elbow just long enough = friend responding with "WTF? seriously?!?!"; 3) ME then slowly bringing my hand to the side of of my head so my thumb is touching the spot where my cheek meets my jaw bone just below my ear while my pointer and middle fingers are gently rubbing my temple and I simultaneously widen my eyes, raise one eyebrow, slight tilt of the head = me saying "we'll talk about this when they aren't in earshot"; 4) FRIEND responds by bringing their drink slowly to their mouth, taking a short drink while they slowly move their gaze to you, back to the jerk/idiot/dumbass, and then back to you again = them saying "oh, absolutely. we will completely dissect that horrible person and their horrible behavior". CLEAR communication is the key.
Trophy Husband 2 years ago
Guys wouldn't do this. Touching another guy's hand seems too personal. I'm fact, going out in public seems too personal. I'm going to bed now.
Hannah Hudson-Lee 2 years ago
Is it just me, or does the lass in the white dress look like a female version of Derek Waters?
#42
Sans Serif (Sans) 2 years ago
I'm visually challenged so, tablet and iMac for moi! Phone only if a call is needed...
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Sponge Blob 2 years ago (edited)
No. Phone is so inconvenient compared to real computers, unless mindless scrolling is all you do with technology.
Toothless Feline 2 years ago
Me. Even better: I sit by my open laptop, scrolling on my tablet, and using my phone to look up stuff. While watching the TV across the room. Four screens, no waiting.
Colleen Glim 2 years ago
iPad ftw. I can change the font size and not have to read three words at a time
#43
Sooploosh MacSchnibble 2 years ago
That sentence could be horribly misinterpreted when taken out of context
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Lex <3 (they/them) 2 years ago (edited)
me when I'm having a goofy ahh conversation with my bestie while my phone spams endless "Just 9,999 more steps until your daily steps goal!" notifications
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
It's blatantly obvious that what's engaging them is far more important.
#44
Gardener of Weeden 2 years ago
Not swampy enough. Newly single - looks like I am going to stay that way.
#45
OogieBoogie 2 years ago
'punctured the unicorn' sounds like a euphamism !
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two-sided llama 2 years ago
if i ever get instagram pictures like this is the only thing i will post
#46
Mrs Irish Mom 2 years ago
And then at 5am you wake up parched for water again and at 6am its pee time
Sans Serif (Sans) 2 years ago
This is a cycle that I'm very displeased with... 8-(
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#47
Trainingfortheballetpotteh🇺🇦 2 years ago (edited)
its happend to me but... it always lasts only like 5 seconds🥲
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Pink Princess 2 years ago
That happened to me today. I had finally finished all my assessments for school but then they sent out next term’s geography assessment
#48
#49
Tiny Dancer 2 years ago
Just watched the video of this the other day. That cat really doesn't want to be in the pic, but one of the dogs insists, lol: https://www.ndtv.com/offbeat/viral-video-pet-dog-drags-stubborn-cat-to-pose-for-family-photograph-3135685
Melissa Eason 2 years ago
What on earth is wrong with this staircase?! Lol the cat's sitting a couple inches taller than the dogs!
#50
PlatinumThe8-BitCat 2 years ago
That’s also me at 12:00, and 1:00, and 3:00, and most times of the day
#51
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
Procastrination is the thing of the thingy... whatever... where's the icecream?
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#52
Raven Sheridan 2 years ago
But J.Lo got millions of dollars, personal chefs, fitness trainers, designer clothes, plastic surgery and professional make up artists and hair stylists. I got none of those things.
Monday 2 years ago
Plus she works in bursts so most of the time she has plenty of time to get enough sleep and relaxation in. And all the money means no stress about things like bills.
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SarcasticSloth 2 years ago
Give me a few million and I could get a fit body. But if I'm proven wrong I keep all the f***ing money.
VonBlade 2 years ago
Obviously a group of fat men just walked past, because it's opposite day.
Load More Replies... #53
jon gilbertson 2 years ago
Nooo. You have to shower bath shower. It's the best! (thanks Faye Valentine for the top)
#54
Jane No Dough 2 years ago
I think you forgot a few exclamation points!!!!!
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#56
Passerby 2 years ago
Yeah, and maybe return the current one, though it has been somewhat damaged.
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Robert Trebor 2 years ago
Saw a dad in Walmart with identical triplet boys about three in his cart. Someone asked him what aisle he got them on, and do they give a discount when you buy more than one. His answer was he was hoping to return them.
Michael Fernandez 2 years ago
I was 61 before I had the capability to literally fry anything. Now everything is fine. And fried.
bottomless.abyss.of.bordem 2 years ago
But if you get a baby, you wont have to make a trip to the store to have something to fry....
#57
Debbie 2 years ago
I bet the other relationship had ended but niece didn't get the memo?
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Sandy Price 2 years ago
I get an hr for lunch but I'm still pushing for longer weekends. Two days ain't enough to recover from work.
Load More Replies... #59
ChaiT 2 years ago
I laughed so hard at this because this is what I do throughout the day 😂
Load More Replies... Lex <3 (they/them) 2 years ago
Me opening and closing bp repeatedly until someone upvoted/replies to my comment:
Natty Tempest 2 years ago
My fridge was never banned without warning or notice... Well, except for that one time the plug failed.
#60
Mycroft1967 2 years ago
People say they want to get back in shape. This assumes you were once in shape.
#61
Em 2 years ago
The one (1) time I have been in Forever 21, it was because I saw a shirt in the window that I knew my then-partner would love. Couldn't find it, asked an employee despite the fact that I hate asking employees. Three different people got involved, final consensus was no, they didn't have it. I found it by accident on my way out the door.
Christof Irran 2 years ago (edited)
I was asked just that by a cashier at Fred Meyers (a Kroger company) and I said "Nope." They (the cashier and the bagger) just looked at me with this undeniable air of indifference. It wasn't until I said "Yup, that's exactly what I expected" that they looked a bit embarrassed.
Gardener of Weeden 2 years ago
"Did you find everything ok?" is the clerks equivalent of "can I do anything to help?" they have to say it, and it means nothing. I have been b****y at times and just answered No - that answer went right over their head - did not even acknowledge it,
Sans Serif (Sans) 2 years ago
This! During hard COVID (FL), at every store I was able to visit, the clerks would still ask this insipid question... and they had NOTHING!
#62
Sans Serif (Sans) 2 years ago (edited)
Relationships where you (without question) do things that you wouldn't even do for yourself are, priceless! True wealth!
#63
Persephone 2 years ago
Max level of sarcasm (the only appropriate level) achieved! 👍
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Weezy 2 years ago
Anyone else feel bad for him? I mean he's just sleeping, minding his own business and here we all are watching. This gives me the ick.
Sans Serif (Sans) 2 years ago
On purpose, I have to think. My wife and I would have had her take one step forward if we were a couple in first-class on vacation! Just sayin'...
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#64
#65
BatPhace 2 years ago
Nah malt vinegar on fries is delicious, you should try it 😁
Load More Replies... #66
Rebelliousslug 2 years ago
I have to keep transferring these thousands of pictures of all my dogs every time I get a new phone. So time consuming
CrazyKnitter 2 years ago
I have literally hundreds of photos of my dog sleeping. He's so cute.
#68
Monday 2 years ago
No it's pretty common for light haired folks to have "natural highlights". When I was a blonde kid I'd get streaks like this from spending too much time in the sun.
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#70
hitex 2 years ago
Oh ya, that? Ignore that - that was nothing. Everything all good in the hood...
Sans Serif (Sans) 2 years ago
This is why avoid calls - hard to back out of audio...
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#72
#73
actaeon cross 2 years ago
When my fiancé is out of town for work I have two cats and a dog to work around at night. The dog isn't supposed to be on the bed but it's a 'secret' she takes his place when he's gone
Load More Replies... Mrs Irish Mom 2 years ago
Me right now, on bored panda over an hour and hes still asleep over my legs and ive sneezed twice and not a move outta him
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
My pup Cleo is annoyed at me right now because she had to get off my lap, so I can go to the toilet. I'm such an inconvenient heated cushion right now
#74
Show thyself 2 years ago
Click on the name under the pic. Quite definitely No fail. Buster got an amazing place!
#75
Add New Image
What do you think ?
Irishwoman abroad 2 years ago
Yes, this was one of the best posts in a long while!
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TMoxraaaar 2 years ago
When I was growing up my mom kept our drinking water in the fridge in an empty rum bottle. Once during a cookout my mom grabbed it to make KoolAid. My aunt almost had a heart attack. It was really funny.
Irishwoman abroad 2 years ago
Yes, this was one of the best posts in a long while!
Load More Replies... TMoxraaaar 2 years ago
When I was growing up my mom kept our drinking water in the fridge in an empty rum bottle. Once during a cookout my mom grabbed it to make KoolAid. My aunt almost had a heart attack. It was really funny.
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