Join the Fun!

#2

On our way to watch my daughter play soccer, my son was asking me about how babies were made. So I told him all about the sperm and they egg and so on. He seemed to reflect deeply about what I had said. Get to soccer and we sit among all the other parents and he blurts out "Dad, is your sperm still inside me?" I almost fucking died.

jibbletmonger Report

Final score:

216points

POST

Yvonne Bernal 7 years ago

No amount of explaining is gonna fix that one!

102points

#3

Took my kids to see Puss and Boots, and when lights dimmed and Puss appeared on the screen, my middle son screamed, 'It's pussy time!' The whole theater was cracking up — I laughed so hard I cried.

Glen Report

Final score:

216points

POST

Kjorn 7 years ago

i wish i was there

47points

#4

My daughter once asked a black guy why he was made of chocolate. I was incredibly embarrassed. He thought it was hilarious.

imjustgonnalurk Report

Final score:

206points

POST

Kjorn 7 years ago

kids are curious. that guy understand that

88points

#5

When I was 5 or 6 we were at my Dad's company picnic. I was introduced to his boss and I told him, "My Daddy says you're a son of a bitch." My Dad's co-workers fed me ice cream all afternoon.

agreeswithfishpal Report

Final score:

179points

POST

Yvonne Bernal 7 years ago

I bet daddy had no more company picnics after that.

85points

#6

When my daughter was two and asking about the anatomical differences between herself and her baby brother, I taught her the proper terms and that women and girls had vaginas and vulvas and boys and men had penises and testicles. Whilst browsing through Kohl's that holiday season (store was PACKED), she loudly exclaimed as she pointed to ever stranger we passed "BOY! Penis and tentacles!" "GIRL! Gyyyyyynah and Volvo!" Lather rinse repeat. The kicker was the androgynous cashier. She asked "Boy or girl?". The cashier was a trooper and smiled "Girl, sweetie." Kid proudly screams back "Gyyyyynah and VOLVO!"

tiffychele Report

Final score:

165points

POST

Lorraine 7 years ago

Oh my .... I would have been too embarrassed to continue shopping lol.

37points

#7

When I was pregnant with my youngest daughter we explained to my older daughter that mommy has a baby in her belly and daddy put it there. Well she always wants to be just like mommy so she started going around telling people she has a baby in her belly and her daddy put it there..... you can imagine the looks I got.

Heather Hatfield Report

Final score:

157points

POST

Liananananana 7 years ago

*face palm*

48points

#8

Three-year-old daughter Madeleine said very loudly in public toilets: ''Mummy, why do you have a beard on your bottom"

Emma Gill Report

Final score:

156points

POST

Fatemeh 7 years ago

Ok.Here we have a definition for the word "awkward"

33points

#9

My three year old daughter will yell "LOOK DADDY! A GANGNAM STYLE!" whenever she see's an Asian man.

Final score:

146points

POST

Ellie Brown 7 years ago

"Hey sexy lady!"

53points

#10

Daughter was rubbing my face with a small football earlier, she thought it was funny so I let her carry on. Later on we were in a restaurant when out of nowhere she gives it "I gave my daddy a ball massage before".
We didn't stay for dessert.

Jason Manford Report

Final score:

146points

POST

Stille20 7 years ago

There is just no explaining some of the sh** kids say

37points

#11

My son was feeling really badly about pooping his pants, so to make him feel better I told him that it happens to everyone, even mommy. The next day we walked in to daycare and told the lead teacher “Yesterday I pooped my pants, but mom said it was ok; it happens to her all the time.”

Final score:

118points

POST

Marika Stanway 7 years ago

Lol 😂

23points

#12

I was dating a guy back when my son was maybe 7-8 years old. I picked him up from the airport one night and brought my son with me. While we were driving home the three of us started playing the game "raise your hand if you've ever..." 5 minutes in, my son blurts out "raise your hand if you've ever clogged up the toilet with a big pile of poop like my mom did today".

Rowens78 Report

Final score:

116points

POST

Lorraine 7 years ago

Can't bring this kid on dates!

50points

#13

My 4-year-old son felt the need to warn "old" people they will die ... he told a lady in the grocery, "Old people die ... and you don’t look so good"

Edna Report

Final score:

115points

POST

Emre ÇINAR 7 years ago

I read it with a slow scary voice :)

41points

#14

I was the kid (sorry.) My mom is obese, and she always used to sigh, "I'm the fattest woman in the world," when she looked in the mirror. Being about four, I took this literally. One day we were in K-Mart, and I saw this REALLY huge woman in a mumu. I freaked out, pointing and yelling, "LOOK MOMMY! YOU'RE NOT THE FATTEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD, SHE IS!!"

Rapugzel Report

Final score:

107points

POST

Kjorn 7 years ago

that kid just try to make her mommy fell better... of course they have no bounderies about it :-)

48points

LlamaLlamaPingPong Report

#15

My daughter is obsessed with body parts. Especially vaginas and penis' and she often asks strangers, "do you have a penis or a 'gina?"

That's not the awkward part.

She was sitting on her dad's lap at church and one of the old ladies who sits near us said, "Oh, you're sitting so nicely on your daddy's lap! You must really like your daddy being here!" (She said this because my husband works A LOT so it's very rare that he is actually able to come to church with us) my daughter said, "I'm not sitting on his lap. I'm sitting on his penis. Do you want to sit on my daddy's penis someone?"

Final score:

106points

POST

Yvonne Bernal 7 years ago

I bet it's even rarer that daddy goes to that Church anymore. I had to laugh OUT LOUD on this one!

39points

keenly_disinterested Report

#16

When pregnant with our second child we told our first, three years old at the time, that mommy's belly was so big because there was a baby in there.
At a restaurant a couple days later a heavy-set woman walks by our table. Daughter shouts, "Look mom! That lady had a baby in her butt!"

Final score:

96points

POST

mianicolemosher 7 years ago

Lol

10points

#17

When I was around 3 years old my dad told me that smoking was bad, and that only idiots smoke. A couple days later we walked past a smoking woman. I remembered what my dad had told me, and I said with the loudest voice possible:
"Dad, look at that idiot over there smoking cigarrettes!"

fyrahundraslag Report

Final score:

94points

POST

Superluminal1 7 years ago

Hard to argue with that.

42points

#18

During my divorce, while the kids and I were at Walmart buying groceries, I put a bottle of wine in my cart and my daughter yells, “Oh, look, Mom’s sad again.”

Final score:

90points

POST

Yvonne Bernal 7 years ago

Nothing like teaching a child that when you're sad you drink . . . (sigh)

18points

#19

My daughter at the tender age of 8 announced to a crowded room that when she grows up she wants to be a prostitute!
Turns out she meant prosecutor but, you know, it took a while

chocolatephantom Report

Final score:

85points

POST

Stille20 7 years ago

Oh... that one's going to haunt her later.. and be fun for you.

21points

#20

My 6-year-old daughter had her appendix out. When the stitches were removed, there was a catheter in her abdomen, sticking up. She looked down and proudly announced: “Goodbye appendix, hello penis!”

jules Report

Final score:

80points

POST

Jim Starkweather 7 years ago

Yeah... no... sounds a bit to made up.

20points

#21

When I quit smoking, my 5-year-old at the time (she's 23 now) told her kindergarten teacher that she was so proud of me because I quit drugs.

Erin Report

Final score:

76points

POST

Marika Stanway 7 years ago

Haha 😂Well, it's a good reason to be proud 😁

20points

#22

"Look, Mommy, that police has handcuffs like the ones in your bedroom!"

Ashley Report

Final score:

75points

POST

Kjorn 7 years ago

oh dear lord

30points

#23

After getting new Toy Story undies, my son yelled to the drive-through workers at Chick-fil-A, “I’ve gotta woody in my pants!”

Final score:

67points

POST

Jenn Rosche 7 years ago

We had those underwear too....really bad idea .... especially when at grandma's he tells I got my woody😂 in front of out of town company.

19points

#24

When my kid was first learning to tell the difference between men and women, he liked to practice loudly, in public. One day we were sitting in a restaraunt, and he decided to review.
"Mom, you're a woman."
"Yes, sweetie, that's right!"
"And Papa's a man."
"Yes, right again."
"And she--" (pointing to an old lady sitting across the room from us) "she's a WITCH!". At the top of his lungs, of course.

DevonianAge Report

Final score:

64points

POST

Kjorn 7 years ago

you know... it's said that kids saw things we don't... maybe she's a witch

30points

#25

There was long receiving line at a funeral, and my child blurted out, "Hurry up! I wanna see the dead body!"

Tara H. Report

Final score:

63points

POST

Stille20 7 years ago

LOL! Oh NO!

23points

#26

My son (aged 3 at the time) asked me on a packed bus in central London: 'Mummy how does daddy put the seed in your tummy? I was pregnant at the time. His sister aged 3 answers ''mummy swallowed it' I almost died.

Lindi Report

Final score:

62points

POST

Sînziana Spînu 7 years ago

😂😂😜

14points

#27

My, then two year old, being held by a woman who drew on her eyebrows, exclaimed “You have something on your face!” Followed by proudly wiping off one eyebrow, he said, “There I got it for ya!”

Final score:

59points

POST

Jamal W 7 years ago

I wonder if he liked his thumb like my grandma used to lol

17points

#28

My friend was having a hard time getting her daughter to drink water. At lunch one day the little one loudly exclaimed that “drinking makes mummy happy”.

Sarah Kerby Report

Final score:

59points

POST

Yvonne Bernal 7 years ago

Oops.

15points

#29

For amusement we would tie a hotdog to my 4-year-old sister's waist and the neighbor's dog would chase her around trying to get the hotdog and she would giggle and it was funny.

Well one day at the grocery store, as our neighbor is buying a pack of hotdogs my sister blurts out "ARE THOSE HOTDOGS FOR MY BUTT???" Lots of stares.

TJtheV Report

Final score:

58points

POST

Silent Skeleton 7 years ago

O_o

20points

#30

My mother and I were at Chili's with my son (who was about 6 or 7 at the time) and my mother and I split a margarita during dinner (a small one, not one of those fishbowl ones). After dessert, we get the bill and get up to leave, when my son suddenly starts BAWLING loudly. Alarmed, I squat down and ask, "what's the matter?!!" I'm thinking maybe he cut himself or is in pain or something horrible the way he is wailing like a hyperactive banshee. In between hysterical sobs he manages to screech, "I DONT WANT TO GET IN THE CAR WITH A DRUNK DRIVEEEEEEERRRR!!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!!!!!" Literally everyone in the restaurant is either staring at me horrified or giving me the death eye. It was so embarrassing. I tried my best to soothe him and explain to him that it was ok, but he was just screaming"You're DRUUUUNKK!".

TheBlackPajama Report

Final score:

53points

POST

Superluminal1 7 years ago

What do you expect from a 'hyperactive banshee'?

20points

#31

My ex husband once had to take my 3yr old daughter to the gents public toilets as he was on his own with her. She'd been making chocolate crispy cakes in nursery and one was in her bag in it's little plastic bag. During her wee in the gents cubicle she remembered this cake and how gooey it had been and pulled it out of her bag. In a piping voice she shrieked ''Look Daddy, its gone hard!!'' When he tried to shush her she tried again, ''But look Daddy, prod it like this, look its gone hard!''' He honestly thought he'd never make it out of the gents alive.

Gayle Robinson Report

Final score:

50points

POST

Hans 7 years ago

ouch

6points

#32

Was riding on a public bus and my five year old put her hand on a guy's shoulder in the seat front of us and said - "This man is very fat.”

error_flynne Report

Final score:

43points

POST

Stille20 7 years ago

LOL...time to teach your kid about boundaries... and shutting the hell up in public

22points

#33

When I was pregnant, I ended up having to take my three year old daughter to one of my OB appointments. My doctor had to do a vaginal exam to which my daughter replied loudly “Mommy, how come you show your ‘gina to EVERYONE!!??”

Final score:

42points

POST

Henri Caron élève 5 years ago

holy sh*t

1point

#34

My cousin loved blackcurrant juice as a kid but couldn't pronounce it, he shouted 'MUMMY I WANT BLACK CUNT' repeatedly at my aunt in the supermarket

DairySchmairy Report

Final score:

39points

POST

Josiah Koniecki 2 years ago

Where do kids hear these things???

-2points

#35

Not a parent, but when I was 4 my mom almost got in an accident on the freeway. She slammed on the horn and screamed "jackass" out the window all while flipping them the bird.
Fast Forward a couple weeks. We are leaving my grandparents house and my mom honks the horn as to say goodbye. I proceed to roll down my window and give them the finger, yelling "jackass" as we drove away.

bofabro Report

Final score:

38points

POST

Enn Geecee 7 years ago

This is actually brilliant.

13points

#36

So...I'm not a parent, but I was present for this. My entire family was out for dinner one night, and my sister, my niece, and I were waiting in line in the women's bathroom.

Sister and niece (who was 2) go into a stall together. I'm still in line with several other women, and I can hear sis and niece talking through niece go to the bathroom. I then hear sister say, "Ok, pull your underwear up while mommy pees now" and niece chirps up, "Mommy, I have a bagina!"

Giggle. Ok. Twitters go through the line of women. Kids say the darndest things!
A few seconds later, though, we all hear "Mommy! You have a BIG bagina!!"
Several women lost it, including myself. I've never seen my sister as red as she was when she came out of the stall.

vicsilver Report

Final score:

35points

POST

AppleDragon 3 years ago

My friend in grade two used to say “ my brother’s bagina pounds when her sees a girl!”

0points

#37

Not a parent but I'm a full time nanny and used to work at a daycare. I was dating one of the dads (he was single and it was totally legit), and one morning, in front of the entire staff, his son asked me "why were you in daddy's bed this morning?". Pretty much horrifying.

Kaeleigh_Khan Report

Final score:

35points

POST

Stille20 7 years ago

A legitimate question

19points

#38

Father taking his son to the bathroom in a restaurant when his son exclaims: “ARE WE GONNA GO SWORD FIGHT WITH OUR PEE PEES?!” Dad looked like he wanted to evaporate.

drumlinegirl Report

Final score:

35points

POST

Master Markus 7 years ago

Oh god, did they make a habit of it?

10points

#39

Took my 3 year old son to Disneyland, where we saw his hero Buzz Lightyear. Coincidentally he had just told me he had to "go potty," and I knew I had a matter of seconds to get him to a bathroom, because once a toddler tells you he has to go it means he is near bursting at the seams. I tried gently leading him away, but he started babbling about pushing Buzz's buttons so that he would start flying around. When he realized I was going to drag him the other direction, he started screaming, "Buzz! I want to touch you! Let me touch you!" This got a lot of startled looks. I hoisted him up and started carrying him away under my arm. He immediately wet his pants all over both of us and continued wailing, "Buzz! Let me touch you! I'll let you touch meeeee!" as dozens of tourists started in shock. Suffice to say I hid in the bathroom for a while.

brokebackhill Report

Final score:

33points

POST

Stille20 7 years ago

Ha ha... it feels embarrassing, but I think people are pretty use to children have meltdowns at Disney

18points

#40

My four-year-old son walked up to a little person at the airport and said " Well you're a funny little man, but I do like your hat". Before I had a chance to apologize - the man replied, "Thank you...and I like you!"

Scrappy_Larue Report

Final score:

32points

POST

Silent Skeleton 7 years ago

At least he was chill about it

24points

#41

My wife and I were viewing property when on inspection of the view out of the back window I noted a tube track. I asked whether it was noisy but the women said that they hardly hear anything. Her little daughter said "That's not true mummy, that's why we are leaving!"

Mysteron Agent Report

Final score:

31points

POST

Ana-Maria Talpalaru 7 years ago

Well done !

11points

#42

We were eating dinner at a restaurant and my 4 yr. old son holds his belly and loudly says, "Mommy, my tummy hurts. I think I'm going to start my period!"

Lola Ruby Report

Final score:

29points

POST

Kylie Rixon 7 years ago

That's sweet. Nice to hear that at least one young man will grow up with an understanding of this basic biological function.

20points

#43

We were waiting in line to check out a book from the library and there was a lady in front of us who had a blood stain on the back of her pants. I didn't even notice it at first, but my son was at eye level with the stain and said, "Look daddy, she pooped blood all over herself. That's nasty. She should wear a diaper."

Tony_The_Tigre Report

Final score:

29points

POST

Chris Miilu 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

#44

Once we invited a couple from church over to our house for the first time, to watch a Bears game. At the time my son was 3 or 4, and would refer to the teams by their jersey color. Well, that day they were playing the Falcons, and the Bears were in white. A few minutes into the game, my son wanders up to me and quietly asks, 'Which one is Bears?' I told him it was the white team. To which he then shouts out, 'Yeah, we cheer for the white guys, because we don't like black guys, right, Dad?' I had to awkwardly say, 'Yes, the Falcons are wearing black, and today we do not like them because they're against the Bears.' Everyone laughed a bit, but there were some side glances.

tyzik Report

Final score:

28points

POST

Kylie Rixon 7 years ago

I had something very similar happen. Like many kids aged 3 or 4, my son called people the name of the shirts, so "the purple woman" meant the woman wearing a purple shirt, etc At a game of under 6 soccer, my son son says "I don't like the black boys", referring to the side opposing his friend's team. Unfortunately, purely by coincidence, the team wearing the black jerseys were mostly Sudanese refugees. I couldn't think of a single thing to say that wouldn't make the situation worse.

14points

#45

When my daughter was young, think 2 or 3 year-old, she had apparently questioned her mother about the difference between boys and girls. I learned this fact as I arrived home from work. We lived in an apartment building at the time. As I was coming up the stairs and my neighbor was coming out of his apartment, my daughter popped her head out the door, saw my neighbor, and proudly declared, "My daddy has a penis!"

upnorthbubba Report

Final score:

26points

POST

Kjorn 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

#46

I had just started seeing this new guy and when he came over my five-year-old son answered the door and said I would be down in a sec because I was on the toilet wiping my butt.

Report

Final score:

25points

POST

The Alchemist 7 years ago

Well at least he's honest..

4points

#47

I was at a Barnes and Noble with my son (he was 5 at the time) looking for a new book. My son has always been a talkative child and always said hello to people. While I am looking for a new book, I hear my son say hello to a man in a wheelchair. The man did not acknowledge my son and so my son repeated his greeting. The man remained silent. My son says hello and once again is ignored. My son sighs and tells me "well, I guess his ears don't work either".

hiphopopotomus79 Report

Final score:

25points

POST

Master Markus 7 years ago

Ha!

7points

#48

My sister was about 5 and had just gotten to the stage where she's discovering things about her body. My mother explained that this is perfectly okay but needs to happen only at home like in the bedroom or bathroom.

Later that week my mom's out shopping with her and from across the store she hears my sister yell "Mo0o0om I'm touching my vagina! ............ Just kidding!"

doodieballz Report

Final score:

24points

POST

Shannon Mason 7 years ago

Hahaha, they can be so darned sassy!

9points

#49

My oldest son was 3-4, we were walking into a store together, and a very overweight woman was in front of us with a companion.
My son looks at me and asks "mama, is she going to fit through the door?" Loud enough that the woman heard him.

QP2012 Report

Final score:

24points

POST

Sophia Marotta 7 years ago

ouch! that's a sign that you need to lose weight!

5points

#50

When I was a kid I had to get my urinary tract dilated. At church I prayed for my upcoming surgery, but four year old me was unclear on what exactly was going on so I just asked every one to pray "for my penis, because it is too small."

HtownKS Report

Final score:

24points

POST

Z 7 years ago

Something most guys don't pray for until puberty

13points

#51

While working as a veterinary technician, there was a housewife that would always have her twins (boy & girl). At the time their kitty Aslan had just been fixed and we were doing a routine check up. When I went to take the temperature, the little boy turned to me and loudly announces that "we aren't supposed to touch kitties butts." Then he turned and saw his mom was distracted talking to the vet and then whispered to me "But, sometimes when my momma isn't looking... I do."

JoWhackySpack Report

Final score:

22points

POST

Susan Sobon 7 years ago

boop-5854a...4365cc.jpg

11points

#52

The priest stood up for the second time to speak at my grandson’s Christening yesterday and as he began to speak my 5 year old son yelled, “Oh no, not again”.

Final score:

21points

POST

Master Markus 7 years ago

Everyone's thinking it.

15points

#53

My little brother. He was like 4-5. We were at a SF Giants game and he had to use the bathroom. Walks up to the urinal and does his business. A rather larger black guy walks up next to him and starts to pee. He turns to me and yells, pretty damned loud, "WOAH!!! That's huge!!!"

tnargsnave Report

Final score:

20points

POST

Nostalgic Hyena 5 years ago

When my history teacher's son was younger, he apparently told a guy using a urinal "Yeah, you're doing great!"

3points

Sandra Case-Schmitt Report

#54

My daughter Trisha was about 2 when I made her walk to the store... no stroller! So we get there, get our shopping done and at the register there comes a man in a wheelchair! Trisha looks at me and gets really mad and tells me: "That is so mean! I have to walk while he gets to drive!" Oh my I wanted to just disapear!

Final score:

20points

POST

Lauren Mitchell 7 years ago

I'm sure that man would rather walk. Would be a good time to teach her about appreciation of things that are fleeting.

-3points

#55

My daughter's only 1 but says some words. Sometimes, her dad and I grab each other's tummies and say "fat" or "fatty" in an affectionate way, and she looks. So the other day, some friends of my mom came over to visit and we went to a park. My daughter was playing but then came over and started saying "hello" to all the women. I guess one of them mentioned the word fat(I didn't hear it, but can't think of any other reason my daughter would've done that) so she walked over to her(coincidentally, she was the biggest one), pinched her on the leg, and said "fatty". I was so embarrassed, but everybody laughed, so obviously she kept doing it... Well, I picked her up so she would stop doing that, but she started crying "FAT, FATTYYY!" while pointing at my mom's friend.

xSolcii Report

Final score:

20points

POST

Shyrell Melara 7 years ago

She understood it to be a sign of affection and she was showing love just like mom and dad!

6points

#56

We were at church and they called the young children to the front to talk about tithing and stealing and they asked, “If you found some money lying on the ground, what would you do?” My then four year old daughter replied, “Finders keepers, losers weepers.”

Final score:

20points

POST

Susan Gateley 2 years ago

When my daughter was five we were visiting a new church. When the offering plate came to us my husband explained that she should put the dollar we had given her into the plate passed to us, She yelled loudly, “No! I want to take it home and put it in my wallet!” Needless to say the whole congregation roared with laughter! We wanted to disappear.!

0points

#57

'Mommy, why did we take so long? Did you go poop, Mommy? Did you? Good girl for mommy, Yayyy!!!!' My son in a department store during his potty training phase. None of us could take a dump without him cheering us on.

hell_kat Report

Final score:

19points

POST

Kylie Rixon 7 years ago

I was at the checkout with my 3 year old one day, when he proudly told the checkout assistant "My mummy did a big poo this morning". All I could do was blush and laugh.

11points

#58

My husband and I were walking through IKEA with my then 4 year old daughter, when she screams out excitedly, "look Daddy, look at all the ninjas!". It was a group of Muslim women wearing burqas.

tjsmudge Report

Final score:

19points

POST

Long Joan Silver 7 years ago

My friends son, when he was about 4 or so, he used to call women in the Niqab "Batman" haha!

6points

#59

My daughter's day care had circle time every morning as a way to start the day. Anyway we were late and walked into the middle of circle time. My daughter said "we're late because my Mommy had diarrhea".

jaimmster Report

Final score:

19points

POST

I Am Stypayhorlikson 6 years ago

Ha ha ha

1point

Devyn Paige Sciarrino Report

#60

My son was about 4 at the time, he walked up to an old man in the store and said "My mom says old people wear diapers like I did, do you still pee your pants too?"

Final score:

18points

POST

#61

In the toilets at a local supermarket. Mother Nature was paying her visit. My 4-year-old son came in the toilet with me ... Went running out of the toilet to announce to his grandma, and the rest of the supermarket, that 'My mummy has a piece of string hanging out of her bum.

cait_lol Report

Final score:

17points

POST

Jo Murphy 7 years ago

'Mother Nature was paying her a visit' - are you for real? It's ok to say she had her period. Or she was menstruating. These are not dirty or embarrassing words.

13points

killjennyproductions Report

#62

My son is full of embarrassing stories. We told him about Santa not being real because he was terrified of Santa and cried night after night screaming that "The evil Santa pirate was going to come into his house and mess with his things." Being four, he didn't understand our warnings not to tell other children. At Chick-fil-A one day, a kid comes running out of the play area crying that some kid was telling them that Santa wasn't real. I rush in, aiming for damage control and hear my boy finishing his lecture: "Santa isn't real and Jesus isn't real. I AM JESUS!" Chick-fil-A asked us not to return. TDLR: I am apparently the lesbian mother of the second coming of Christ.

Final score:

16points

POST

Master Markus 7 years ago

That's amazing.

9points

#63

When my son Vadin was about six, we were waiting in the deli line at the grocery store. When our number was called he took the ticket, folded it in half, slid it into my cleavage, and said, "Go get yourself something nice."

Elizabeth Miller Report

Final score:

16points

POST

Kjorn 7 years ago

son of Don Draper?

5points

#64

A lady got onto our bus with a young toddler in tow, the next stop an obviously pregnant woman got on, a very excited young lad pointed at the lady and shouted " Mummy, mummy I know what she's been doing"

katieg Report

Final score:

16points

POST

#65

I am not a parent, but one parent was pretty embarrassed when her 4-year-old son asked my sister, "Why is there poop on your face?"
My sister (and I) are black. There aren't many of us in this town.

wordbird89 Report

Final score:

16points

POST

Jamal W 7 years ago

First one on this list that i could have went without reading.. t

3points

#66

I was with my five year old son in the middle of a crowded Apple Store, waiting to get my iphone worked on. Out of nowhere, he grabs my crotch and says "MOMMY!! Your pee pee is all wet!". I think I was a little sweaty from wearing a warm jacket and being in a crowded hot store at the mall. Needless to say, everyone in my immediate vacinity turned around and stared

Final score:

15points

POST

Lorraine 7 years ago

Wait .. but why did he grab ... ????????

9points

#67

When my daughter was about 5 and the cashier was talking to her but had a mole with hair coming out of it. I had seen it and thought in my head 'please don't say anything...please don't say anything'. Too late. She just went "Did you know there's whiskers coming out of that booger on your face?"

Tardisi Report

Final score:

15points

POST

#68

My daughter when she was 3 looked straight at some random man in Target & said "I have a vagina!"

Jennifer LaHue Report

Final score:

15points

POST

Art Tomboy 3 years ago

Well she's not wrong

0points

#69

Visiting a neighbor with my 3yr old daughter, identical houses to which my daughter said ' it's just the same as our house mummy only ours doesn't smell '

Dawnie333 Report

Final score:

15points

POST

Tiziana Pannunzio 7 years ago

Smoking owners, I suppose

2points

#70

Not my kid but the daughter of a good single mom friend once went to a guy their mother was heavily flirting with at a party and whispered to him that their mom farts a lot during the sleep and it smells like rotten camembert.

Mundology Report

Final score:

15points

POST

Marcia J. Downing 7 years ago

Critics everywhere...Don't you have something better to do than put someone else down??? Chris K you forgot to capitalize your C for Chris!!! Does it make you feel bigger that others that make mistakes? Better watch out you'll have to answer for it some day! Shame on you!!!

4points

you_are_not_my_spoon Report

#71

As I am taking my son, 3 or 4 at the time, out of the shopping cart as we leave Walmart, he starts yelling, "No, mister, No! Don't take me!" I'm glad my wife was there and he looks just like me.

Farvamus_prime Report

Final score:

15points

POST

#72

Son loudly in public toilet: "I did-a-wees with my winky! You doing-a-wees with your winky mummy?" "No, I don't have one -" "OH NO!!!!! DID YOU LOSE IT?????????" He sounded so horrified for me, and there was a lot of giggling from the surrounding stalls.

Final score:

14points

POST

#73

When I was 4, my mom and I were waiting at the local coffee shop. In front us in line was a man with long hair down his back. In awe, I look to my mother and proclaim, "That man has really long hair!." To which she replies, "Yes, just like mommy." The man over hears this conversation and turns and smiles at me. I then tell the man "My mommy has long hair too, but she doesn't have a penis."

nevercrest Report

Final score:

14points

POST

#74

My friends 4 year old daughter Lily and my friend were in the supermarket together with Lily sitting in the front of the trolley. As my friend was pushing her down one of the aisles she hears Lily exclaim loudly "Oh My God Mum look at that man! He is soooo cute!!!" My friend turns around to see a small person, or midget standing looking at them in surprise. My friend is horrified and whispers angrily "Lily!!! Shhhh!!" and tries to rush off. As they pass the man Lily hangs out of the shopping cart and yells to him "You are so CUTE!! Do you want to come to my birthday party?!???"

squashedfrog462 Report

Final score:

14points

POST

Nicuule Pf 7 years ago

what did he say?!

3points

#75

My son (3 yrs) and i where at the bank when a young girl walked in. she was a had obviously been to the gym due to her tight fitted hot pink spandex attire and had quite round features and un upturned button nose. my son started clapping and screaming "Look mummy a pig oink oink a big pink pig oink oink." I felt terrible! i appologised and quicky exited the very busy bank

Madelyne Lewer Report

Final score:

14points

POST

Stille20 7 years ago

Just go with.. "it's the pink"

9points

#76

My 2 year old son went through a stage of pronouncing chocolate "cock cock". In Sainsbury's he ran around screaming "I want cock cock, I WANT COCK COCK!!!" at the top of his voice.

SurreyOne Report

Final score:

14points

POST

#77

We were all sitting around the dinner table when my 6 year old sister (at the time) asked "Dad, are you a virgin?"

bek91 Report

Final score:

14points

POST

#78

My nephew is 6 and at the grocery store the other day he kept counting out loud. He would yell "SIX... SEVEN... EIGHT!" Finally I asked, "what are you doing?" And he yelled "COUNTING BROWN PEOPLE."

IsItMyTurnYeti Report

Final score:

14points

POST

#79

I once dated a girl with a 5 year old daughter. We took her to Walmart to pick out her stocking. The aisle was super crowded and she took forever. When she found her stocking she squeeled "ALRIGHT, NOW LET'S GO GET SOME HOOKERS!" ... Turns out she meant the little weighted ornaments you hang the stocking from.

CeeDiddy82 Report

Final score:

14points

POST

#80

Passed by a middle-eastern man in Walmart complete with a turban and other stereotypical robes...
My son: "Daddy, is that a genie?!?!"

Final score:

13points

POST

rai mei 7 years ago

at least genie's not an offensive term

5points

#81

My son at about three years old was fascinated my the uvula in my throat. He thought it looked like a "pee pee". So one day we are out and he yells, "my mommy has a pee pee in her mouth!!"

Laurie Ackerman Report

Final score:

13points

POST

#82

It was date night, just my 4 year old daughter and I. We went out for a 'fancy' dinner at a nice restaurant. She told me during dinner "Are you going to be able to walk or am I going to have to roll you out of here?"

hunterlaker Report

Final score:

12points

POST

Shari H 7 years ago

How cute.

3points

#83

While getting communion, I was holding my two year old daughter. After I received communion my daughter promptly said, “Where’s my damn cookie?”

Final score:

12points

POST

Socially Awkward 7 years ago

😂

4points

Hollie Pemble-Simminger Report

#84

My daughter was standing up for show and tell in front of her kinder class. She didn't show her beanie baby that she'd brought...oh no! This is what occurred..
"Okay Hannah what is your show and tell item?"

"Mrs Tetley when my mom woke up this morning she was in a goddamned pool of blood and there was so much it was on my Daddy's leg. He said it was like a goddamn blood bath".

Final score:

12points

POST

#85

My daughter, 4 at the time was riding her balance bike down a hill and was unable to stop at the bottom. She ran into a small wall and began to scream, "OW MY NUTSACK, I HIT MY NUTSACK". She had heard it from her older brother. This was during a local kite festival so there were plenty of parent s and children around to give us the stink eye. I laughed my ass off, my wife was not as happy.

Final score:

12points

POST

Nostalgic Hyena 5 years ago

When my friend's sister was younger, she dropped something on her lap and screamed "Ow, my balls!". When she was told she didn't have balls, she cried.

4points

#86

I was standing in line at the grocery store behind a mother and her waist high child. The child decided to hug the mother, putting child's face into groin of mother. The child reared back and exclaimed "MOM! YOUR FRONT BUTT STINKS!" The whole grocery store nearly screeched to a halt as the mother paid quickly and left.

nycstocks Report

Final score:

12points

POST

#87

I was renting a movie at the video store and was asking the checker when I need to return it when my little girl said "We're just gonna copy it anyway."

Tina M. Report

Final score:

12points

POST

#88

We were in an elevator at a hotel going to the pool. It was me, my 5-year-old son, a teenage boy, and his dad. Suddenly, my son announces, “My mom isn’t usually half naked, we’re going swimming.”

amandas Report

Final score:

12points

POST

#89

While discussing the 10 Commandments at Vacation Bible School (!), comparing "God's Rules" with rules the kids might have at home, my oldest -- then about 7 -- spouted: AT MY HOUSE, YOU DON'T DRINK FROM MOM'S CUP OF SODA WHEN IT HAS LIQUOR IN IT!

Meredith Report

Final score:

12points

POST

Silent Skeleton 7 years ago

thats a good rule

13points

Charlotte Emma Belcher Report

#90

My friend let his his daughter go in the front when no one else is in the car as a treat and she announced in public! "When me and daddy are in the car alone we do a secret thing"

Final score:

12points

POST

[untitled human] 1 year ago

oh... oh NO!

0points

#91

My daughter asking (very loudly), "Daddy, why did the white lady and the black man not make a tan baby?"
Standing directly in front of us with their white-as-snow baby.

whistledick Report

Final score:

11points

POST

Master Markus 7 years ago

I feel like you missed a sentence.

4points

#92

My daughter was about 3 when we were attending a wedding out of town. I was running a business at the time, so she was in her dad's care in the morning. She arrived at my business dressed in her cute little outfit for the wedding. After doing her hair we set off for the wedding. Just as the bride and groom were walking back down the aisle after the ceremony, my daughter, who was standing on the pew next to me so she could see, loudly announced "Mommy, I'm not wearing any panties!!".

Rena Weikle Report

Final score:

11points

POST

#93

We were at the store and my son (then about three) pointed at the sanitary napkins and shouted, "LOOK! It's your MOMMY DIAPERS! You need those, don't you?!"

Heather Hockin Report

Final score:

11points

POST

#94

During a quiet moment in church my kid randomly blurted out ‘Did you know aliens don’t have penises.

Report

Final score:

11points

POST

Long Joan Silver 7 years ago

I swear that would be something that my future kids would say, as I'm known to blurt out random things.

5points

#95

Apparently when I was young, for a few days, my preferred greeting to strangers was : "hi! My name is kevin and that's my mom Nancy. Her pants size is 3XL"

WorldRunsOnLove Report

Final score:

11points

POST

#96

We were at my grandpa's 80th birthday dinner two weeks ago. My aunt and uncle were talking to my 6-year-old daughter about how my uncle and grandpa have no hair on their heads. My daughter proudly and loudly announced, 'Well, my mommy has hair on her bottom

popsugar Report

Final score:

11points

POST

#97

At a Halloween party a few years ago everyone was talking about nicknames and, for some reason, my son told everyone tat my nickname was "Sugartits".

Final score:

10points

POST

#98

One time while in the fitting room, I overheard a little boy say, quite loudly, “Mommy, are you buying this new swimsuit because you poop-farted in your one last year?”

Final score:

10points

POST

Kjorn 7 years ago

kids have great memory for stuff like that, but still can't remember to say 'please' and 'thank you'

13points

#99

My daughter once yelled out “I LOVE VAGINA” as loud as possible in a Walmart. Too bad she was actually referring to LASAGNA – which is what we were having for dinner.

Final score:

10points

POST

Kjorn 7 years ago

better than yell : mommy loves vagina

7points

#100

“My mommy has a baby in her tummy and when it finds the hole, it’s going to come out!”

Final score:

10points

POST

Josiah Koniecki 2 years ago

-_-

0points

#101

My son informed my mother in law that my husband hid from her when he saw her at Whole Foods.

Final score:

10points

POST

Art Tomboy 3 years ago

Not wrong

-1point

authenticparenting Report

#102

My daughter was 2 years old and told the cashier at the grocery store; "Sometimes daddy pulls on mommy's nightgown and mommy says 'no'."

Emily Wrann Report

Final score:

10points

POST

#103

I made eye contact with a barefoot baby held by the mother in a grocery store. I said to my 6 yr old son in a normal voice, "I could just eat up those toes". He then yells out, "My mom wants to eat your baby!".

Final score:

10points

POST

#104

"I'm so hungry, I could eat the baby Jesus!" ~4 year old boy in church on Christmas.

TheBaconBaroness Report

Final score:

10points

POST

Master Markus 7 years ago

Another church story wherein the majority of us can probably agree with what the kid says. When my family went to Christmas church, it was the hungriest I'd ever been the whole year. Those services are too damn long.

6points

Catherine Mary Moon Report

#105

On holiday with mine in the pool... children's dad was pretending to be a dragon and chasing us all. He dunked me, obviously, so I told him to stop being ridiculous. When he then chased my daughter, she screamed at the top of her lungs, 'Stop it! You dickless dragon...'

Final score:

10points

POST

Carly Noelle 7 years ago

"Dickless Dragon." I have a new favorite insult.

9points

#106

'Mommy, look at that giant cock!' Ikea with my two year old who had problems with the L sound.

hell_kat Report

Final score:

9points

POST

#107

When one of my cousins was 2 he loved blue berries but he couldn't say it right. So every time he asked for some he would say "I want some boobies!"

Smithereens1 Report

Final score:

9points

POST

Kjorn 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

#108

I'm an American living in the UK. I flew back to the US with my nearly 3-year old daughter in March. We ended up flying all over the damned US to see family because apparently no one else knows how to buy a plane ticket. I digress. As the three quarters full flight from Detroit into Cedar Rapids was about to take off, I look over at my daughter and she's got her shirt over her head. In my usual Mom voice I ask her what she's doing. She proceeds to scream, "I'M PLAYING WITH MY NIPPLES!"

BoulderCat Report

Final score:

8points

POST

Claire Catlett.CG 3 years ago

🤣Wow! Did not expect that ending!🤣

0points

#109

My daughter to my mother in a busy clothing store: Gramma, your teeth are such a pretty yellow!

berthejew Report

Final score:

8points

POST

#110

From my lovely three-year old:
When he was about 2.5, I took him shopping with me and a friend at a mall. She wanted to go into Victoria's Secret to look at some sweatpants. We went in with her, and I was walking around with him. Well, they have mannequins modeling their different styles of underwear. When he saw one, my son got really excited and starting shouting: "A BUTT! LOOK MOMMY!! LOOK? DO YOU SEE IT?!?! A BUTT!!!!! A BUTT!!!" in that loud excited voice that toddlers tend to have.

Spacecrafts Report

Final score:

8points

POST

Nostalgic Hyena 5 years ago

When I was about 6 or 7 or somewhere around that range, my dad decided to take my friend and I to the mall. My friend found a mannequin and pulled down its pants.

2points

#111

I have 2. At the age of 1.5, upon seeing his first dwarf/midget/small person, my son made clicking sounds as if calling a dog and slapped his knees saying, "Come here little daddy."

SatoMiyagi Report

Final score:

8points

POST

Master Markus 7 years ago

I have several questions.

6points

#112

Monday morning, preschool teacher asks my daughter "Did you have a fun weekend?" My daughter plays shy so I say "Tell her where we went this weekend," thinking she'll tell the teacher about our trip to the playground. Daughter's answer "We went on a beer run!"

OfficerBimbeau Report

Final score:

8points

POST

Janet Bird 3 years ago

LOL

0points

La_Fille_de_Phenix Report

#113

My half Korean niece loved Elton John's song Honky Cat when she was about 4. One day in the grocery, she was singing Honky Cat. Then she began pointing at random white people and saying "hey, Honky!"

Final score:

8points

POST

Master Markus 7 years ago

It probably was just random people, unless you TOLD her that "honky" could be a derogatory slang term for a white person.

2points

#114

My friend's 4 year old interrupted mom's book club to ask if he could "go upstairs and powder his balls."

mdaquan Report

Final score:

8points

POST

#115

“Mom, please don’t sell me on Craigslist! I’ll be good.”

Final score:

7points

POST

Kjorn 7 years ago

damn... that sound like Eric Cartman to me :-)

5points

#116

I had taken my charges to the zoo a few years back on Valentine's Day. My oldest charge was 6 at the time, and sparked this conversation with me:
Kid: "The snow leopard is sad."
Me: "Oh, why's that?"
Kid: "Well, she doesn't have a boyfriend."
Me: "How come?"
Kid: "She has big feet. Boys don't like girls who have big feet.
Then he proceeds to look down at my feet, looks up at me and says, "Brittany, is that why you don't have a boyfriend?"

Dearestbrittany Report

Final score:

7points

POST

#117

My brother once asked my mom why a lady's stomach was so big. She answered it was because the lady was pregnant. Loudly, my brother asked the follow-up question, "Is that why her butt's so big, too?!"

superherbie Report

Final score:

6points

POST

#118

When my son was a toddler, and first learned that boys have a penis and girls have a vagina, he felt the need to constantly confirm people's genital status. He would ask me "Does she have a vagina?" ,"Does he have a penis?" for every person he saw when we were out and about. That was fairly manageable. But then, he mastered it, and he didn't ask anymore, he labeled. As we grocery shopped, he pointed and loudly announced "penis!" and "vagina!" at every retiree in the commissary that morning.

jenemc Report

Final score:

6points

POST

#119

I was at a store when a toddler was asking her mother for something. The mother was very agitated at the toddler and the toddler blurted out “Mommy needs more wine!”

Final score:

6points

POST

#120

My son, then five, was on his first soccer team. The color of the team was blue. The coach and the team gather around to choose a name. “Any ideas?”, the coach asks. My son yells out “Blue balls!”

Final score:

6points

POST

Josiah Koniecki 2 years ago

FNF?

0points

authenticparenting Report

#121

My daughter was in the trolley at the supermarket when she was little. As we going along, she told me to stop. I did and at the top of her voice she said "mummy you nearly forget your wine!"

Matrix2014 Report

Final score:

6points

POST

#122

My son brought the phone to the toilet door and I shouted I was busy. "Sorry she'll phone you back, she's doing a big poo."

Rach B 90 Report

Final score:

6points

POST

#123

My daughter informed the waitstaff at the restaurant that she had "nipples" all over her body. She had goose bumps.

Final score:

6points

POST

#124

Picking up milk from the dairy. The women thought my son was an adorable toddler and lavished him with affection and praise. The smiling ladies all in a row waving "bye bye, bye bye" with their best sweet toddler voices. Just as we reached the door to leave my son turns with a smile and his toddler wave and yells, "Bye bye dumb broads!"

Doc Campos Report

Final score:

6points

POST

#125

"Mom, did you make a baby with that man today?"

Steven M. Report

Final score:

6points

POST

Carly Noelle 7 years ago

Did you?

4points