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Be honest, who had "start eating healthy" set as one of their New Year's Resolutions for 2023? Certainly not us, because we've been feeding on bamboo since 2009. Nevertheless, what society deems "a diet" today has gained a negative connotation, leading to people restricting their meal intake. Hence, instead of saying, "I'm going on a diet," a much healthier approach is saying, "I'll take better care of nurturing my body." Still, the diet approach isn't going away anytime soon. And luckily, more people are gaining a more upbeat approach to dieting and taking their ventures online, sharing relatable content in the forms of funny jokes about dieting.
While social media is full of funny weight loss jokes as well as funny diet memes, it's Twitter that takes the crown for the funniest tweets about dieting. The best bit about these funny tweets on Twitter is that we all can relate to them because we've likely been the victims of diet culture at some point in our lives. In fact, seeing someone share the same experience as you, even in the form of a funny tweet, not only assists in our search for similarity but also reminds us that it's okay to fail and start all over again. And that we all eat from the same plate.
For your prescribed dose of funny tweets this week, below, we've compiled a list of funny diet tweets and diet jokes people shared on Twitter. Did any funny tweets below make you laugh so hard that you almost choked (hopefully not) on the artichoke you were eating? Make sure to give them an upvote! Also, know any more funny diet jokes to entertain the public? Share them in the comments!
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#1
RELATED:
#2
Natty Tempest 1 year ago
The term is "sadisfied". You feel satisfied and sad at the same time...
#3
Headless Roach 2 years ago
By my math, that's 3 pounds saved. In 1300 years you'll be able to afford a house.
Laura Lett 2 years ago
Not with the way my life is going... I'll probably end up owing those pounds to someone...LoL.
#4
lauralett50 2 years ago
Call it flowers has zero flavor. Have to season to eat in any way ,shape ,or form.
Cat R 2 years ago
Cooked in chicken broth with seasonings helps, but it's still not rice. We like brown basmati rice cooked in chicken broth in the InstaPot.
Michelle Smith 2 years ago
You forgot the cauliflower farts so not only will you be fat but you’ll be lonely too
#5
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Janine Hunt-Jackson 1 year ago
Sigh. Trying to juggle GERD, damaged teeth, and pre-diabetic diet(s). I think I have to become a "breatharian." Trust me, this IS funny to try to do!
#8
#9
lauralett50 2 years ago
Wrap you plant bones in aluminum foil after it's clean the stalks stay crispier.
Terry Tobias 2 years ago
Really? How well does it work? I just cut the ends off, put them in a glass of water, and store the celery in the fridge.
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Michelle Smith 2 years ago
Put paper towels in a Ziploc bag to store it in and it will stay crispier. This also works for salad and lettuce.
#10
lauralett50 2 years ago
At Carl's Jr, you can get your burger as a lettuce wrap. Green leafy lettuce here. Not sure if it's widely available.
#11
Michelle Smith 2 years ago
At the price of groceries nowadays, he was probably out of food by Wednesday
Henry Russell 2 years ago
the fruit and vegatables just being forgotten in the corner of the fridge
lauralett50 2 years ago
In their little baskets ,in the drawer, next to my hope.
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#12
Hailey Himalaylee 4 months ago
Isn't that xavier? (If you read the post I'm talking about you might know)
#13
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#18
Janine Hunt-Jackson 1 year ago
I totally hear that! I wish I could do that, but I know about the placebo effect. : - (
#19
the laughing koala 2 years ago
I agree on all but one point taco salads are the best way to eat a taco
Dina Lubman 1 year ago
Well, most tacos (Yes I'm looking at you Taco Bell) become taco salad. One bite and...well.. there you are, taco salad.... On the seat of your car....
Load More Replies... #20
Lyoness 1 year ago
Ah yes, but it is redeemed by being breaded, deep fried and smothered in cheese. I think cardboard would be tasty that way too.
Load More Replies... They/them MHA obsessed 2 years ago
Once we had stir fried Kale and Eggplant for dinner. BADLY stir fried Kale and Eggplant. That was a sad night.
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#22
Fluffy Feline Fire Hazard 2 years ago
Ha ha these are my favorite things too. INTROVERTS, UNITE
tom qwerty 2 years ago
i am here. the rest said they were waiting for their food delivery
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#23
They/them MHA obsessed 2 years ago
Idk why I find this so funny but I am CRYING laughing. Karen, you just made my day.
Load More Replies... #24
The Other Other White Meat 2 years ago
I tried this once too... It was an emotional rollercoaster. I finally had some chips and salsa at a party, and it was the happiest I think I'd been as an adult for a while 😂
Happy Blue Panda 2 years ago
I'm diabetic and other issues so I have to keep it low on the carbs or keep to whole wheat etc. I swear low carbs affect my mood! I feel so grouchy and irritable - once i give myself a treat with something like white rice or some french bread actually feel much better. I hate eating all plant and lean protein all the time.
Load More Replies... #25
The Other Other White Meat 2 years ago
And my "salad" has 2 lbs. of chicken, cheese, bacon and ranch on it, just the way I like 🥗
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Michał Osiecki 1 year ago
I started doing ricola candies cause they are just so-so. Not bad but not good enough that you want another one after the 1st
#28
Laura Lett 2 years ago
And everything is calitflower...no taste,no flavor, no will to live.....LoL.
#30
the_harbringer_of_doom 2 years ago
i finally just got back to eating lunch instead of skipping, so yes, it is what my plans are
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The Other Other White Meat 2 years ago
I hate having to tell people I have Celiac, it's a nuisance. My boyfriend just reminds everyone "don't forget, we have a glutard on board" 😂😭
Karen Zeno Baker 2 years ago
That was just so wrong.....but hilarious! 🤣🤣
Load More Replies... Michelle C 2 years ago
I do have to be careful about gluten. The food substance that would kill me doesn’t fall into any of the eight major categories of allergens, though.
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Liliauna Whitlock [STUDENT] 1 year ago
literally me sitting here eating something that doesn't need to be eaten... :(
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Gracie Mae 1 year ago
if it's been there for 6 days, just trash it--bagged spinach has the shortest lifespan ever!
#41
Chairman Miaow 2 years ago
I was made to feel like Godzilla in my old job at the kindergarten. Kids had no filter: "老师，你又涨肉了”(Teacher you put on weight AGAiN." ) Teachers gave me size 2xl for my uniform... I'm UK 12-14 which is not tiny by any means (US 8 to 10) but hardly giant. I have a small frame, it just has a bit of a chubby covering. Should've chosen a plump British Shorthair cat instead of the slim serval as my profile pic haha.
#42
theoneandonlynoira 2 years ago
Everyone has two stomachs: One for dessert and a smaller one for the actual meal.
Steph Bombardier (Stephhhh) 2 years ago
by "room for desserts" i hpe u mean the closet... where else would i keep it?
#43
your sarcastic bestie 2 years ago
um... *laughs nervously* if you count doing a plank for 1 hour straight "over-working out" then um yes
#45
TheElementalGod️️ 2 years ago
Fools... have you never heard of chocolate lava cake? hava that for divver!
#46
#47
Widdershins66 1 year ago
I thought you meant "jacket potato" (don't skimp on the buuuttttteeerrr 🤪)
#48
#49
Anikulapo 2 years ago
I don’t know how it works in your house but in my house you do not throw samosas in the bin unless you want to find somewhere else to live. You burn’em, you eat’em.
Fluffy Feline Fire Hazard 2 years ago
We eat the samosa. they are delicious. Unless burnt... and I'll eat them anyway
Load More Replies... #50
Chairman Miaow 2 years ago
I had a friend with an overweight cat, she put her on a diet on her vet's advice. This kitty was NOT happy. I stayed over once, and the miaowing was some of the angriest I've heard. The cat probably weighed around 5 kilos (at least) but she did look like she was meant to be big to a certain extent, maybe her mum or dad was a Norwegian Forest Cat.
#52
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Dina Lubman 1 year ago
Those are clearly apple skins, you uneducated hooman.
Load More Replies... #54
They/them MHA obsessed 2 years ago
I diet from the time I fall asleep to the time I wake up. Works great.
#55
Terri Martin 2 years ago
Until you tell them most of their fruits and veggies aren't actually vegan since they're coated in Shellac 😂
#56
3 Trash Pandas in a Trenchcoat 2 years ago
And now with Wendy's free mini frosty deal... (If you haven't heard of it https://www.wendys.com/csr-what-we-value/people/community/foster-care-adoption/frosty-key-tags)
Michelle C 2 years ago
OK. I don’t imagine He would object to me buying lox and cream cheese, then! I’d make sure to pair them with a salad or something like that, of course!
Brian Droste 2 years ago
I have known about Wendy's free mini frosty deal for a few years now.
#57
The Other Other White Meat 2 years ago
SO true!! This is why it's important to keep the exercising to a minimum 🤓
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#62
Bored Trash Panda 1 year ago
I was on keto a few years ago and found several dishes that tasted good. Not enough to stay on keto though....
#63
#65
Old Roadie 2 years ago (edited)
Switch to Bloody Mary: tomato juice, garlic, herbs, olives, pickled veggies, Worcestershire, hot sauces, lemon and lime juices, and plant bones! Oh, and vodka.
#66
The Other Other White Meat 2 years ago
Live Laugh Love, except without the living. Or laughter. Or love.
#67
#69
Darkiriscat 2 years ago
That is so true. Both gaining and losing weight. Gaining when underweighted is not fun. Chocolate does not help. I cried about that
My O My 2 years ago (edited)
Am sad to here about your struggle. People trying to gain weight are never taken seriously. It's a shame
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#70
Darkiriscat 2 years ago
I once bought four tompouces and ate them all. My excuse:need to gain weight. Real reason: because why not?
Sheila Carty 2 years ago
I had to look up that word. Thanks for giving me something new to crave.
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Jeff Mauldin 2 years ago
Yes but six donuts equals one bottle of Pepsi or Coke so you should have just had six donuts and no Coke
#71
#73
Liliauna Whitlock [STUDENT] 1 year ago
Salads are better with eggs. Unless you are allergic to eggs, in which case you should not have salad
#75
tom qwerty 2 years ago
maybe the anxiety is from the french fries (chips but a lot of people here are american /s)
#81
#83
Kaiah Lyric 2 years ago (edited)
dude seriously go for it. Use pork rinds as breading. You will never go back.
#84
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#87
Jenna Kay 1 year ago
I need to lose weight, but how on earth do you just NOT eat carbs and be happy?!
Liliauna Whitlock [STUDENT] 1 year ago
It helps if you don't do a diet, but just cut the carbs - occasionally with a cookie prize at the end of the week :) - from a self-help book I read
Load More Replies... #88
Old Roadie 2 years ago
...if you mean balancing stack of cookies next to cup of milk, I got this.
#89
Jenna Kay 1 year ago
While this is a vast over exaggeration, I do have that one coworker who simply MUST tell everyone about her keto diet and every recipe she tries. I mean, good for her, but I really don't need a 15 minute update on those keto tortillas every time she brings them ...
Tina Harnish 1 year ago
Get a box of crackers like Cheese Nips. When she brings up the tortillas, just pop one in your mouth and say, yes, cheese. Good keto item. And Cheese Nips are small.
Load More Replies... #90
#92
Danish Susanne 2 years ago
Doesn't it depend on the size of the snack? I know someone who would call a 2 l box of strawberry icecream a small snack.
#94
Dav Carro-Ripalda 2 years ago (edited)
Easy. Start subtracting calories from the worlds, instead of addingthem to your body.: "today i have liberated the world from 1500 calories. It is now a healthier place"
#99
Liliauna Whitlock [STUDENT] 1 year ago
That sounds both good and bad at the same time... but I'd probably try it, because why not?
#104
V 2 years ago
This is why I switched to coconut ice cream - it's made from coconut, so it's really just a frozen fruit salad
Liliauna Whitlock [STUDENT] 1 year ago
ooo I love coconut. I'll have to try this...
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#107
The Other Other White Meat 2 years ago
I actually love a good quinoa salad that's bursting with flavor and has a handful of ingredients! My favorite is the one with tomatoes, cucumber, feta, avocado and dressing!
Terri Martin 2 years ago
First time I've ever seen or heard the word "good," before quinoa.
Load More Replies... Liliauna Whitlock [STUDENT] 1 year ago
Salads are only good with: eggs, ranch, a good type of lettuce
#109
#110
They/them MHA obsessed 2 years ago
Feel guilty for not joining your spouse. Shrug. Continue eating tacos
Load More Replies... Gracie Mae 1 year ago
kick 'em to the curb--you don't need that kind of negativity in your life!
#114
Bored Trash Panda 1 year ago
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA <----- That's the future laughing...
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#119
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What do you think ?
a simple lil' lad 2 years ago
My food tracker app on my phone thinks I haven't eaten anything in 12 years I can relate to all of these
Old Roadie 2 years ago
“Hello It’s me. I’ve avoided you forever while consuming calories. I love donuts mac and cheese They say kale is antioxidants but I’m anti leafy greens... ... ... .... **Apologies to Adele, but credit to Genevieve and Dustin Ahouki
crashthegreenhat 2 months ago
Ozempic for my diabetes and Ritalin for my ADHD means my diet is always on because I need to force myself to eat otherwise I wouldn't
Dogs accept all (She/They) 1 year ago
I don't know why dieting is such a big deal. You should be happy with your body, and if not, try to accept yourself for who you are.
a simple lil' lad 2 years ago
My food tracker app on my phone thinks I haven't eaten anything in 12 years I can relate to all of these
Old Roadie 2 years ago
“Hello It’s me. I’ve avoided you forever while consuming calories. I love donuts mac and cheese They say kale is antioxidants but I’m anti leafy greens... ... ... .... **Apologies to Adele, but credit to Genevieve and Dustin Ahouki
crashthegreenhat 2 months ago
Ozempic for my diabetes and Ritalin for my ADHD means my diet is always on because I need to force myself to eat otherwise I wouldn't
Dogs accept all (She/They) 1 year ago
I don't know why dieting is such a big deal. You should be happy with your body, and if not, try to accept yourself for who you are.
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