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The Funniest Dad Jokes Ever – Try Not to Laugh Challenge
Looking for the best dad jokes that are so bad, they’re hilarious? You’re in the right place. Whether you love funny dad jokes that make everyone groan or you’re secretly a fan of clever one-liners, this list delivers the ultimate laugh (or eye-roll) every time.
From classic puns to the latest dad jokes 2024 and 2025, we’ve gathered cheesy, wholesome, and totally awkward humor that only dads (or wannabe dads) can pull off. And yes, we’ve even added a few dad jokes for adults with a slightly more grown-up twist.
So if you’re ready for painfully predictable but weirdly satisfying punchlines, scroll down to discover the funniest dad jokes ever written, vote for your favorites, and share the cringiest ones in the comments!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Parenting Level: Invisible
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
ItsAMarioMoment 5 years ago
Does anyone else read these because their dads left them when they were younger and now they want to get the experience of having a dad too?
Cameron Metcalf 5 years ago
i read over this 4000000 times and im just now getting this....lol ME=STUPID
Chris Bradley 6 years ago
Ok what is orange and sounds like a parrot??? ..........., a carrot🤪
Payveen Zebary 5 years ago
Wow he just asked for a book mark its not like he did not know your name.
Payveen Zebary 5 years ago
Wow he just asked for a book mark why did you think he did not know your name.
RELATED:
#2
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
Infinity Sn1p3r 6 years ago
When she doesn't give you what she want and pulls out pack your stuff and go card
#3
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself. MOM: Oh my! Who!? DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something? MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!??????? DAD: No, it was with a knife...
Dian Ella Lillie 7 years ago
Did you hear that Wille Nelson died today? He was playing on the road again...
Jack Dickie 6 years ago
What is the is the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty cruestaceans
#4
Wickedly Literal Wisdom
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
#5
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
#6
Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
Couriant the elvaan 6 years ago
Hungary was hungry, took a piece of Turkey, dipped it in Greece and fried it in a Chip Pan (Japan)
Freya Meader 6 years ago
Do you know why Europe is like a frying pan? Because it has Greece at the bottom.
#7
Pun Intended
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Natalia Baghashvili 6 years ago
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooofffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff download-7...5cbfb.jpeg 
Racketraft 398 5 years ago
This one took me a minute to work out, then i realised and burst into laughter
Cameron Metcalf 5 years ago
idk but at the end of the day we all dont want to go to sleep but in the morning we never want to wake up
#8
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
Kyle Snedegar 5 years ago
stop taking the spotlight jasmine, your just like ya fathjer. where am i
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Neema Alumasa 6 years ago
Lololololol!! Get it?coz his name is Donald and he need's to duck!! * cricket noises* ( I found that 1 funny tho!)
#9
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
Leeanne Thompson 5 years ago
OMG this comment is like an added laugh to this dad joke! XD
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#10
Classic Pun Play
What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
Dian Ella Lillie 7 years ago
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no (ahem)... genitalia? Still no (ahem again) effing idea...
💡 See Also
- Adult Jokes That Are Just Naughty Enough
- The Best Knock-Knock Jokes Of All Time
- Corny Jokes So Bad, They’re Brilliant
- Short People Jokes That’ll Make You Look Up And Laugh
- Long Jokes That Tell A Story (And Deliver Big Laughs)
- Funny Text Jokes For Adults To Share Or Copy-Paste
- Little Johnny Jokes That Are Surprisingly Clever
#11
So Bad They’re Good: The Cheesiest Ones
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know
Bob Beltcher 7 years ago
The egg will come broken but a day early. The chick will be returned to send because UPS will claim they can't find the address even though they delivered the egg yesterday.
Maria Windsor 6 years ago
To the chicken/egg debaters: You could quite literally go on forever. It's a circular paradox. Chickens come from eggs, but you need chickens to make eggs. It goes on and on.
Sodoshi Tanaka 5 years ago
chickens evolved from dinosaurs; dinosaurs laid eggs.
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Unicorns And Doggos 5 years ago
well u thought you're replying to the previous one right?
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ArhomR 5 years ago
Wish I could upvote your reply a zillion times!! Very funny!
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#12
What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language
Dana Lynn 3 years ago
Am I the only one who smiled and pointed at phone!!!
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#13
Lost in Translation Moments
My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
PikachuTwoKing 4 years ago
His daughter was speaking, but the dad did not know that she was speaking, so he thought it started then lmao
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#14
A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
#15
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
Isaiah SHELFORD-TUKI 6 years ago
my wife accused me of being immature i told her to get out of my fort
#16
Dead Serious Dad Joke
When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!
Dian Ella Lillie 7 years ago
There's an interesting fact about the cemetery in my area - it's the dead centre of the town.
Scott Wood 5 years ago (edited)
True story. When driving passed a cemetery with my grandpa, he said "Do you know it is illegal for people living on the other side of the street to be buried in that cemetery?" "why grandpa?" we asked to which he responded "because they are still alive."
#17
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
Madison Knight 6 years ago
HE WANTS YOU TOO DIE OR CHEER LIKE CHEER LEADERS AND DRESS UP LIKE CHEERLEADERS THAT WOULD BE FUNNY TO SEE THO lol!
#18
Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.
Richard Haines 5 years ago
Both my spouse and I paused for a few moments on this one. Well done! Two guys walked into a bar. You'd think the second one would have noticed.
#19
Round Table Pun Fun
The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
Glenn snyder 5 years ago
My Dad's joke is the dumbest. "If a hen and a half laid an egg and a half, in a day and a half, how long would it take for a rooster to lay a doorknob?"
Dad Jokes for Halloween! 🎃
Get ready to make your family groan and giggle with the best Halloween dad jokes. They’re so bad, it’s scary!
#20
MOM: "How do I look?" DAD: "With your eyes."
Dian Ella Lillie 7 years ago
If someone says "your feet smell" respond with "yeah, and my nose runs..."
A Deeper Purpose Behind Dad Jokes
It’s easy to write off the best dad jokes ever as being corny. However, some experts believe such jokes have a deeper purpose. According to The Conversation, dads feel more like fatherly figures when telling such jokes. While the dads get their dose of humor, children learn to deal with embarrassment. These factors help develop a healthy father-child relationship.
Even the most corny dad jokes can have long-lasting effects on adult children. According to the ABC7 report, jokes like these can help a child become a better human being and a more confident adult. As they “build up” immunity to embarrassment, children are more willing to open up and be themselves.
So, instead of getting red from embarrassment, appreciate your dose of the dad joke of the day. Not only are you bringing joy to your parent, but you also develop a confident personality. When you reach adulthood, you’ll have your own collection of dad jokes to tell your friends.
#21
Quick One-Liners To Catch You Off Guard
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
#22
Brains Over Bites
What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!”
S. 7 years ago
Imagine the zombie apocalypse beginning, but it's just annoying zombies stealing your bread. “FRED! THE DEAD EFFAHS STOLE MAH CEREAL AGAIN ” ”well, at least we now know they're actually made of grain, honey.”
ANGELICA SULLIVAN 5 years ago
GROAN i did not know they could be vegetarian i thought all of them were carnavores.
Dad jokes age like fine cheese: the older they get, the more delightfully cringe they become. Enjoyed these Funny Dad Jokes and Puns? There’s plenty more where that came from in our dad jokes hub.
#24
3 unwritten rules of life... 1. 2. 3.
Carol Emory 7 years ago
That's like the bumper sticker I had that said "And the number one reason for procrastination: 1........."
#25
Tech Crime Wordplay
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
Geoff Spence 4 years ago
You couldn't see it from outside the store................ No Windows.........
#26
Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
Adam Cantor 7 years ago
That ok, today i heard Youtube, Twitter, and Facebook are all merging. They're going to call it You-Twit-Face.
Madison Knight 6 years ago
NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#27
Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!
Olivia Drinkwine 5 years ago
I would tell you a chemistry joke, but I knew I wouldn't get a reaction.
sR Shlager 6 years ago
STOP COPYING YOU MEANIE, GIVE CREDIT WHEN REQUIRED B****
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#28
I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
Ian Taggart 6 years ago
I kind of wish my dad had the same sense of humor. But he was a pretty good dad nonetheless. He taught me how to make things with wood and he lets me play Virtual Reality a lot.
Adrianna Eagle 5 years ago
*GASP* BISH I DID A READERS THEATRE IN MY SCHOOL I WAS T.J WAT A CONWINCADENCE
Morgan Overcash 5 years ago
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh I get it know
#29
KID: "Dad, make me a sandwich!" DAD: "Poof, you’re a sandwich!”
Cameron Horn 5 years ago
I thought that was a crocodile sandwich - and make it snappy.
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Elisse Goldstein-Clark 5 years ago
My mother actually said something similar to my grandmother. Grandma was VERY angry and said she was leaving and "call me a taxi". My mom said, "OK, mom, you're a taxi". Grandma was NOT amused...
#30
Clear Reasons to Decline
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
Harry Silver 3 years ago
thi s me me made my wife leave me but i still see her from my window shes just lying my driveway by my telsa model x xxxx elon musk rwr XD
#31
Puns That Deserve A Standing Dad-Ovation
SERVER: "Sorry about your wait." DAD: "Are you saying I’m fat?”
#32
What has two butts and kills people? An assassin
#33
Age With Attitude
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? AYE MATEY
Madison Knight 6 years ago
I DON'T GET IT CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN OHHHHHHHHHHHH GOOD ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#34
CASHIER: "Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?" DAD: "No, just leave it in the carton!’”
Wyndmere 7 years ago
2/3 of the name of their country means "nothing" in Spanish.
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Phil Evmorfopoulos 6 years ago
Last night while making dinner, I rehearsed some lines from Shakespeare using an onion as a prop. Poor thing was so emotional, it burst into tears
#35
What's the best part about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
#36
Emergency Dessert Delivery?
When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring: "They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.”
#37
If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.
Christopher Dixon 6 years ago
Wow guys. He will be rolling (joints made out of pot) while in his grave. Please man, just...just get it.
James Popejoy 6 years ago
My dad had a kebab shop. Loved it so much we buried him with his equipment when he died. If I knew I sold insurance he would ..........
#38
What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador.
Sam Collenette 5 years ago
Do you think this is the website we've all waited for? The secret website for all dad jokes?
EMILY HANNA 5 years ago
try to sat that 10 times fast- labracadabradoe labracadebeor frudnusfneuvbsskgdbjetvksb I CANT DO IT =w='
#39
Math Humor Gets Real
5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
Kerry Hatwell 5 years ago
There are 3 types of people in this world. Those who can count, and those who can't
TIMOTHY KO 6 years ago
If 1 person out of 5 people suffers from diarrhea, does that mean the other 4 like it?
Olivia WILSON 5 years ago
hahahahahaha i get it! technically, he's admitting that he's bad at fractions! Coz 5/4 people isn't possible!
#40
Why couldn't the bike standup by itself? It was two tired.
Kadin Thompson 5 years ago
Whats the difference between a hobo on a bike and a well-dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
Olivia WILSON 5 years ago
wow.... so great.... I claps sarcastically I No I mean really! It's a great pun!
Frederik Sixten Sigvara 6 years ago
I guess with a tire more it could actually stand up for itself, so the physical explanation is kind of busted. It Should be tired up more actually
What is the Oldest Dad Joke?
Like with everything, there is a specific starting point for jokes. While we might not know the first dad joke to be told, we might get a hint at the genre it was in. Fart jokes want to or not date back to the Sumerians. According to Reuters, a fart joke dates back to 1900 B.C. While you might have it in your list of jokes to tell your dad, keep it around to get the upper hand in a corny humor standoff.
#41
Jokes For Grown-Up Kids
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!
Brenda Townsend 5 years ago
What do you call a deer with no eyes that is not moving? Still no ideer.
Riley Basil 6 years ago
I like "What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes? Still, no idea." but suit yourself.
Load More Replies... Dian Ella Lillie 7 years ago
Hmph, I should have looked al the way down the page before I posted on the entry bodies and noses! Nevertheless there are two follow-on questions missing from this example... What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no (ahem)... genitalia? Still no (ahem again) effing idea...
Dian Ella Lillie 7 years ago
...And I should have looked in more comments - I'd have seen that I was beaten to the punch(lines) again!
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Free Cupcake 5 years ago
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? I still have no idea!
#42
GRANDPA: I have a 'dad bod', DAD: To me it's more like a father figure.
#43
Pun Intended Pain
What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
Robb Warren 5 years ago
What does God give you twice that you have to pay for the third time? teeth
Ashley Guillory 5 years ago
What's funny is that I had a toothache once, and that was literally my appt. time. I laughed so hard it made my tooth hurt even more.
#44
When a dad drives past a cow pasture: LOOK! That cow is OUT-STANDING in his field!
#45
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
Kloie Sheets 5 years ago
me being 10 and getting it i saw the movie when i was 9 :p
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Star McSnatch 6 years ago
I just realized what it was after saying it out loud....it makes so much more sense now.
Ocean Labowitz 6 years ago
You have to say the word and see the movie to get this joke. XD lol
#46
I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
#47
Classic Dad Logic
When you ask a dad if he's alright: "No, I’m half left.”
Alex Bailey 7 years ago
Defo my dad. If you said 'what?' To him he would also say 'no I'm not hot thanks'.
Matt Swain 5 years ago
Did you hear about the guy that got the entire left side of his body crushed? He’s all right now.
Geneva Anderman 6 years ago
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side cut off? He's alright now.
#48
KID: "Hey, I was thinking…" DAD: "I thought I smelled something burning.”
PeachPossum 7 years ago
The one we got: KID: "Hey, I was thinking..." DAD: "Did it hurt?"
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#49
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
Natasha Moore 5 years ago
Noah is the bravest man he boarded a the ark with two termites litterally!:):):):):):):):):)
John Malcolm 6 years ago
After eating some, he wonders why he feels so tired, The barman explains: "It's the bar bit you ate" "
#50
Punched Up Humor
Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.
Jørgen Sivertsen 5 years ago
I see you compensate by laughing at your own jokes now.
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Reza White 5 years ago
i see what it means xd the first 2 people walk into a bar (as in a metal bar) and the third one ducks to avoid the metal bar
Unicorns And Doggos 5 years ago
because they're gay and they won't let each other go
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Luna Province 5 years ago
should not get one like...???????????????????????????????????????????
#51
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
Christy Davy 5 years ago
Wait. If it takes an octopus 10 tentacles to laugh then how do you get an another octopus that has that? bruh.. LOL.
Ricky Campbell 2 5 years ago
However, only the males will laugh. Know how you find the males? Test tickles.
_-DungeonKeeper-_ 1 year ago
Reminds me of one time I was playing Splatoon 2. You know how Pearl and Marina say something after introducing stages? One time Pearl said "How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Eight tickles" and Marina's just like "#FIREPEARL"
#52
SON: *hands my Dad his 50th birthday card*, DAD: You know, one would have been enough.
#53
Motherhood Wordplay
When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding.
Jeffery Mohr 5 years ago
dont say that to your wife while she is giving birth you'll get something thrown at you
#54
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry we don’t serve food here."
Dian Ella Lillie 7 years ago
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?" The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
Gemma Lees 7 years ago
Sorry we don't serve time travellers in here. A time traveller walks into a bar.
Gemma Lees 7 years ago (edited)
A man walks into a bar *ow!* A second man walks into a bar, you think he would have learned.
Margaret Morden 5 years ago
...you left out the punch line...so the sandwich replies to the bartender..., "that's okay...I was only going to order a beer, anyway".
Gemma Lees 7 years ago
A nun, a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar. What a wonderful example of a racially integrated society.
Gemma Lees 7 years ago
A piece of black tarmac and a piece of green tarmac walk into a bar. Everyone goes quiet. A guy asks what the hush is about, his friend replies 'the black tarmac is fine but his mate's a cycle path!'
John Gardner 5 years ago
A pair of jumper cables follow the string in and says “ I know you have a problem with strings but am I ok” bartender says yes but don’t start nothing
#55
Can February March? No, but April May!
athornedrose 7 years ago
why did 7 eat 9? because you're supposed to have 3 squared meals a day!
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Zachary Fisher 6 years ago
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a registered six offender
#56
Dad Jokes That Hit Different
What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
#57
Why did the crab never share? Because he's shellfish.
Bob Scopatz 1 year ago
Why did the lobster and crab never share? Because they're two shellfish.
Dean Margaritis 5 years ago
”hey is uncle Marty still allergic to prawns?” ”Yeah” ”That's so shellfish of him!” *Disappointed sigh*
Anuhea Azevedo 6 years ago
why did my pet shellfish share? Because he's not actually a shellfish guy!
Luna Province 5 years ago
literally the same question hiccup bring me why he didn't kill toothless?!
Xander K Occhipinti 6 years ago
I LOVE CRAB RAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#58
To call the whole Elon Musk controversy “Elon-Gate” seems like a bit of a stretch.
#59
Nutty Wordplay Alert
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
Wyndmere 7 years ago
Yes, but he would be better if he was a-roasted too.
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William Merlo 5 years ago
Two peanuts walk out of a bar. One was salty because the other was roasted
Robin Wilkinson 5 years ago
My dad was a violent salesman. His store contained a number of little boxes, each one a case of a salt and battery.
Christopher Dixon 6 years ago
The third one ran away. The assailant pursued, screaming "Sooner or later, I'll cashew!"
Pessimist Reviewer 6 years ago
And he’s been pecan around every corner looking to cashew.
Load More Replies... Jan Kowalski 5 years ago
Was it winter? Or does it so much salt on the streets when peanuts mature.
#60
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.
Theory Buchannon 6 years ago
What do you call a fly who can't fly? A walk
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Shannon Carlson 6 years ago
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t really matter he’s not going to come anyway!
Anika Newman 6 years ago
what do you call a cow that has jumped over a barbed wire fence? udder destruction
Kaila Dick 6 years ago
No one found this funny when I said it.. Looks like I'm gonna have to raise the steaks..
#61
Unexpected Zingers You Didn’t See Coming
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!
Moe Less 7 years ago
In 4th grade I wrote a story of beavers making small "damns." Teacher did not notice. Maybe afraid to notice...
Gemma Lees 7 years ago
In first year high school, when we were 11, it was 1996 and the first time we'd ever used proper computers and we had to write a step by step on how to open up a document off a floppy disk. My friend literally wrote 'insert the d**k' and still got an A grade!
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Sara Cummings 5 years ago
One time, I had to do a school project with a partner where we built a dam in a box. Every day when we got to class I would tell him to “go get the damn box!”
Jan Kowalski 5 years ago
Beavers are quite useful and interesting creatures but not the best dam show material in the slightest. Lions may work beter here.
#62
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na.
Jan Kowalski 5 years ago
Bethoven was more of a meat enthusiast, however these days he will accept dry feed as well.
Chicken Contenders 5 years ago
I said ba na na na na I hope my hart is in ba na na na na he took me back to East ba na na na na na
#63
When you ask a dad if they got a haircut: "No, I got them all cut!"
bailey gough 6 years ago
What did the guy say when he arrived in Antartica? Well that wasn't a warm welcome
#64
Forever Young Humor
Where did the college-aged vampire like to shop? Forever 21.
Spirit Animations 6 years ago
*a vampire that could use their time being immortal to research cancer* you know what? I'm going to the mall today!
#65
GROCERY STORE CHECKER: "Paper or plastic?" DAD: "Either, I’m bisacktual.”
Sophie Harris 5 years ago
As a Bisexual, i want to be this person to confuse tf out of people. "Do you want me to use our reusable bags, or just get plastic ones there" "I don't really care which one, im bisacktual." "Do you Mean Bisexual?" "No..." "Then are you gay?" "No, stupid! i'm bisexual!" "So I was right!" "No, I'm bisacktual! How many times do I have to say this!" I'm gonna have so much fun with this!
Jan Kowalski 5 years ago
Haven't found what bisacktual means. I can assume that is has to do something with indifference to environment protection.
#66
What did the horse say after it tripped? "Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
Venom Blaze 3 years ago
Griddyup griddyup griddyup (right foot creep don’t want em with the heat look around stay low make sure they don’t see you
Venom Blaze 3 years ago
Griddyup griddyup griddyup (right foot creep don’t want em with the heat look around stay low make sure they don’t see you)
#67
Musical Pets, Anyone?
You know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trumpet.
Jan Kowalski 5 years ago
Do you know what outdoor training equipment is in White House's garden? Trumpoline.
Lou Gottlieb 5 years ago
These days, you'd better not criticize our Chief Executive, the Strumpet
Ian Taggart 5 years ago
If you REALLY have a lot of money, you could buy a blue whale. They make the loudest call in the animal kingdom.
#68
Why wasn't the woman happy with the velcro she bought? It was a total ripoff.
Pessimist Reviewer 6 years ago
Digging a hole is the only job that you start out at the top of and end at the bottom.
Load More Replies... #69
What noise does a 747 make when it bounces? Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.
Patrick Snyder 5 years ago
How about a 737? Oh never mind, those don't bounce, they just go Kaboom.
#70
Unstoppable Gentlemen
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods. It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Bingyu Hu 3 years ago
bad joke you dodo every one knows that and jason, i agree with you.
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ArhomR 5 years ago
Martha Washington said, shut up George don't you have some spinning to do?
Load More Replies... Jan Kowalski 5 years ago
This one does not make sense. Checked what tide pod is, and it seems like only small children will be stupid enough to eat them, not counting stupid youtubers off-course.
#71
What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory.
emma rose erickson 5 years ago
My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink… No one listened, but he kept warning them until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the cinema.
#72
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”
Isaiah Hawkins 6 years ago
that was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny
#73
Campfire Comedy
Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents!
Deacon DeSchepper 6 years ago
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
William Thompson 6 years ago
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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Lou Gottlieb 5 years ago
That was the going joke in 1889 after the Great Seattle Fire: "How's business?" "In tents."
Jan Kowalski 5 years ago
There is entire list of curcus fires on the wiki and in deed all of them were in tents, so dad made a solid assumption.,
Rex Gamer 5 years ago
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Luna Province 5 years ago
im all like ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
#74
You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you're in there? European.
Ashley Victoria Tasmin 5 years ago
I think we should be Russian outta there, there's Norwegian for us to stay
#75
I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.
#76
WAITRESS: "Soup or salad?" DAD: "I don’t want a SUPER salad, I want a regular salad.”
Scott1983 Cawthon 6 years ago
I actually misunderstood someone saying SUPERSALAD but they were just saying soup or salad
#77
Chilly Humor Ahead
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
#78
What does an angry pepper do? It gets jalapeño your face.
Elijah Hart 4 years ago
what kind of fruit grows on a coconut tree made of rock.... a palm-a-granite.
Elijah Hart 4 years ago
What kind of fruit grows on a coconut tree made of rock...... a palm-a-granite.
#79
As a lumberjack, I know that I’ve cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
Mhia Pineda 5 years ago
I don't think that is what your spelling teacher wants to see
Load More Replies... Jan Kowalski 5 years ago
2417 logs must be quite heavy. Fortunately lumberjacks are strong men and can carry the load.
#80
Paper Thin Humor
Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind... it's tearable.
Dian Ella Lillie 7 years ago
"Did you hear the one about the bed?" "No." "That's because it hasn't been made up yet!"
Emma Logan 5 years ago
Haha I've heard this so many times before, and I tried it and got no laughs.
Vincent Bottjen 6 years ago
i was going to tell my friends a pizza joke but then i thought naa, its too cheesy.
India Sims 6 years ago
"Do you want hear the one about the construction worker?" "No" "I'm still working on it"
#81
The Ultimate Eye-Rollers
Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!
Jan Kowalski 5 years ago
Why do chicken coops hare a roof? Because if they had no roof, they would be chicken cabrios!
#82
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Elephino.
David Geurtsen 5 years ago
No no no....it’s What do you get if you cross a hippopotamus, an elephant, and a rhinoceros? Helephino (hell if I know) BUT...this does use the word ‘hell’ in this version. Wait, didn’t the original infer the word ‘hell’?
Brittany Lewis 5 years ago
This one needs more appreciation. Ya gotta say it like you would “H**L if I know” then it’s funny 😂
Natasha Moore 5 years ago
Ligers will help you ...........................................................Never to be seen again mwahahahahaha
Jason Chebe 6 years ago
what is blue face real name? futuristic teletubie (if u dont know what is a teletubbie google it)
#83
Caught in the Act
I was interrogated over the theft of a cheese toastie. Man, they really grilled me.
Robert Boudreau 6 years ago
Why did the golfer were two pairs of pants Because the golfer had a hole in one
Jacob Dobie 5 years ago
period? haha they should, periods really hurt women
Load More Replies... #84
If you rearrange the letters of “Postmen”. They get really pissed off.
Michael Hogan 6 years ago
I spent longer than I'd care to admit trying to rearrange the letters of "postmen" into a word or phrase that pertains to urination.
klatula 4 years ago
this one hurt my head and i STILL don't get it! the people who tried too explain gave vague answers for those of us who are dumber than a post! grin!
TheElementalGod️️ 2 years ago
Im late, but they mean letters as in the kind you send
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Lou Gottlieb 5 years ago
The letters referred to are mail, not the spelling of Postmen
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#85
A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I’m looking for the man who shot my paw."
Charlie Holmes 6 years ago
This is one of my all-time favorites. When my kids were young(er), I would tell this joke every evening at the supper table. I did that for over a year, so I'm sure it'll be passed down to my grandkids and, hopefully, generations after. At least I'll have a legacy. 8^] I've always spoken the punchline using my best John Wayne impersonation.
Wyndmere 6 years ago
What have you done, Charlie? — Do they tell it to anyone else yet?
Load More Replies... #86
Exhausted From Dreaming
I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!
#87
You heard of that new band 1023MB? They're good but they haven't got a gig yet.
Jan Kowalski 5 years ago
Most bands have much less memory and are still good hardware even today. My favorite is MiBand, mostly because it is very cheap. But I understand that dads may overestimate the value of 1MB of memory.
Natasha Moore 5 years ago
reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee yeet the baby ipobwv4yew...3ad244.jpg 
#88
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
#89
Legal Hay Drama
Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.
Marc Stevens 6 years ago
They repealed that law. They discovered it was more important that the cows had a well-rounded diet.
The Glasses 5 years ago
But what without round bails of hays the cows won’t have a well rounded meal
Danny James 5 years ago
but square ones are illegal too because they aren't getting fed 'round the clock
Natasha Moore 5 years ago
Cows eat round bails of hay because they need to be round hahahahaha
#90
Question & Answer Jokes That Keep You Guessing
What do you call a lonely cheese? Provolone.
Aidan Rance 6 years ago
I'm fetta-p with bad food puns, even i'm not that old! You'll need a stronger start if you want to keep up with me. lol
#91
DAD, TO A SINGER: "Don’t forget a bucket." SINGER: "Why?" DAD: "To carry your tune."
#92
I told my 14 year old son I thought 'Fortnite' was a stupid name for a computer game. I think it is just too weak.
#93
Boogie Down Humor
How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
Natasha Moore 5 years ago
What do you call 5 mexicans at the bottom of the pool?SINCO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HAHAHAH LOL
#94
How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, "Ribbit, ribbit" and a horny toad says, "Rub it, rub it.”
Gustavo De La Piedra Lira 5 years ago
Exactly, out of place in this otherwise share-with-your-kids-friendly list
#95
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
#96
Pop Culture Bite
Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.
#97
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse!
Jan Kowalski 5 years ago
Even a little horse deserves a bucket of water at least. Stop animal cruelty!
EMILY HANNA 5 years ago
dude. Little horses that are feeling a little horse need a small amount of water because they are small as well. No animal cruelty over here :)
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#98
NURSE: "Blood type?" DAD: "Red."
Georgiii Vaagner 5 years ago
It's actually the iron oxid we have in our blood.
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BunnyGirlLove MSP 5 years ago
You're blood is always red. The veins in your body are just quite dark, so it makes them look blue.
#99
Fishy Wordplay
What do you call a fish with two knees? A “two-knee” fish.
Delilah Wagner 5 years ago
secret joke here: What did the slow-running tomato say to the others? Don't worry, I'll ketchup!
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K. LNU 7 years ago
Anyone else keep hearing the "ba-dum-dum *cymbal crash" after each one? lol
Maria Windsor 6 years ago
YESSSSSS lol in real life actually my lil bro was at his drumset when I was reading these aloud and he made that sound after each one :P lol!!!!!!!!!!!!
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JillVille 7 years ago
My sister & her hubby are having their first. I gave him joke books wrapped in ribbon as a New Dad's Prep Kit. They laughed and he tossed out some real groaners - he's already well on the way to annoying the heck out of my new niece!
Scott Allam 6 years ago (edited)
Hold my beer... Three dads walk into a bar. The first one tells a joke while the other two laugh.
K. LNU 7 years ago
Anyone else keep hearing the "ba-dum-dum *cymbal crash" after each one? lol
Maria Windsor 6 years ago
YESSSSSS lol in real life actually my lil bro was at his drumset when I was reading these aloud and he made that sound after each one :P lol!!!!!!!!!!!!
Load More Replies... JillVille 7 years ago
My sister & her hubby are having their first. I gave him joke books wrapped in ribbon as a New Dad's Prep Kit. They laughed and he tossed out some real groaners - he's already well on the way to annoying the heck out of my new niece!
Scott Allam 6 years ago (edited)
Hold my beer... Three dads walk into a bar. The first one tells a joke while the other two laugh.
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