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British humor is well-known for its dry wit, sarcasm, and self-deprecating charm. But the best part? You don’t have to be from Great Britain to appreciate it—it’s hilariously relatable no matter where you’re from. Whether it's poking fun at the unpredictable weather, awkward small talk, or classic British politeness, these jokes never fail to entertain.
Today, we’ve dived into The British Feed Facebook page to round up some of the funniest posts that perfectly capture British humor at its finest. Keep scrolling to enjoy the best of British banter and see why the UK truly has a unique way of making people laugh!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Owen 2 months ago
I don't think I could stop myself saying hello to Ted. Bulldogs are my favourites.
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ninjaTrashPandaBoom 2 months ago
I know all my friend's dog's names and am always happy to see them, sometimes my friends too (and I even remember my friend's names sometimes too! Even if all it is "Fido's hooman" lol)
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RELATED:
#2
Tina-Marie Tarrant 2 months ago
I love seeing my husband look at his watch and asking him straight away what the time is. 100% of the time he looks at his watch again.
Lost Panda 2 months ago
I do this too. I think our brains look at the hands and are like "Cool, got it. Not the time you need to worry about." Then someone asks for the ACTUAL time, so we have to look again.
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Rali Meyer 2 months ago
it's not that you need to know the time. It's: Ah, plenty of time left to check again before I need to go
Harry Gondalf 2 months ago
No not stupid. I will get up and go into the kitchen to get something, and when I get there I forget what I was going to get...
Oerff On Tour 2 months ago (edited)
Just like quickly running to the store to get ONE thing. Then coming home with a bag full of stuff, EXCEPT the very thing you went to the store for in the first place.
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Trophy Husband 2 months ago
When I read the time, I don't really read it, I get a general sense of it. If someone then asks me what the time is and I have to actually tell them the exact numbers, then I got read it again..
Colleen Glim 2 months ago
I’ve been known to do this a few times and then wander away STILL not knowing the time
#3
Fire Singer 2 months ago
I love that the builder let the kid help! They certainly didn't have to and were well within their rights not to, so to allow the kid to be a part of it and feel included is awesome.
Evan Connolly 2 months ago
I don't think that would be allowed in a lot of places. Union rules can be strict, not to mention that the worker can be held liable for anything accidental that happens to anyone helping him.
dan s 2 months ago
Read a similar story a few years ago. Mom took her son to deposit the money in his account, and he was excitedly telling the teller that he'd been building a house. The teller asked if he'd be building a house tomorrow too. "I will if we ever get the f*****g bricks delivered on time!"
When it comes to everyday relatable memes, every country has its own unique flavor. For Americans, it might be endless coffee jokes or fast food memes. Meanwhile, Asians may relate more to memes about overbearing parents or intense work culture. The humor speaks to shared experiences, which is why it resonates so well within each culture.
#4
Teutonic Disaster 2 months ago (edited)
"Let me calculate the time.. it'll take 65 minutes" and when you come back 1,5 hours later he's like "You know what, I was wrong. It'll be another 53 minutes, but that's just me guesstimating. Could be 2 to 5 business days as well."
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Michael Largey 2 months ago
The last 5 minutes of our dryer's cycle is like the last 2 minutes of an NBA playoff.
marianne eliza 2 months ago
When the cycle starts it displays the standard minutes that cycle should take. With all the sensors these machines have now-a-days, once it senses the load size and weight it can adjust the time. Then, if you've used too much detergent, the machine has to rinse longer to get it all out, again determined by sensors. And dryers have moisture sensors so if there's still moisture present at the end of the standard cycle time, it has to run longer.
Horosho Bodka 2 months ago
Washer/Dryer timers used to be Windows Download and Update timers...
BrownEyedGrrl 2 months ago
"Snatch" is one of my all time favorite movies! When I tell people, some of them think it's a p**n film.🤣
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#5
Karen Menard 2 months ago
I lost mine and they were just like this!!! Got a packet of 100 mini Tootsie rolls when I gave birth! Best ever!!!
#6
Riley Quinn 2 months ago
Half my emails are "Did you log into such 'n such?". Yes, I know it's for my own good, and I don't want to be exploited, but it's annoying because it's the constant reminder of how external feces is seeping into your walls.
nottheactualphoto 2 months ago
External feces seeping through the walls. Great, thanks for the image :-)
Load More Replies... Evan Connolly 2 months ago
Gmail is nothing. Live Mail has absolutely the strictest security I have ever seen on anything. Every so often it says that it detected suspicious activity, and you have to reset your password. No, you can't use any password that you have used before. It sends a code to your phone, but my code didn't work. I tried an alternate email address that I set up just for the express purpose, but then I had to answer a questionnaire with personal information questions. It failed me, and after a couple of tries, you get locked out for 24 hours. I realized that I'd never get in, and of course you have to log in to get help. I gave up, and the email address I had been using for years was effectively lost to me. Switched to Gmail.
R1MV4Superleggera 2 months ago
Pfff! Gmail cares about you?!? Riiight! They only care about selling your data!
Zig Zag Wanderer 2 months ago
I find this funny because I have several google accounts, and yet have never, ever looked at the emails. One day I should....
This idea extends to stand-up comedy as well. We spoke with a ghostwriter who crafts jokes for popular comedians in Asia. He shared, “Depending on where the event is happening, we adjust the content to make it more relatable. A joke that lands in one country might not work at all in another.” Adapting humor is all about understanding cultural nuances.
#7
Anyone-for-tea? 2 months ago
I was pìssing by the door and wanted to say good lick!
Load More Replies... Trophy Husband 2 months ago
"we are French, how do you think we got these outrageous accents, you still English kah-nigget!"
Socrates 2 months ago
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries! I shall now fart on your general direction!
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Markus Weiler 2 months ago
"Language is the source of misunderstandings". ―Antoine de Saint-Exupery
#8
Mike F 2 months ago
That's one of those questions that we'll probably get the answer to when we die. 😂
Nuku Nyara 2 months ago
Then you wake up on the couch 6 hours later and you're not sure if it's 11am in the morning or 11pm ar night as your vision is too blurry to focus on the alarm clock and you aren't so sure that you remembered daylight savings 🙃🙃🙃
Michael Largey 2 months ago
Consciencely trying to go unconscious is like challenging a friend to see who can go longest without thinking of a gazelle.
Mook The Mediocre 2 months ago
"Consciencely".Ten points to Gryffindor for magical spelling.
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April Pickett 2 months ago
Falling asleep on the couch just happens. You don't intend to do it, it just happens. Going to bed to fall asleep is like a chore. You know you have to do it, it's required. There's no spontaneity about it. You just have to do it.
Brian Clear 2 months ago
TV... on in the background lulls you to sleep. BEDROOM total silence.... radio on in your head
#9
Auntriarch 2 months ago
Fact. It looks like a shower cubicle and the dancing trumpeter resembles the god Mercury as much as I resemble Venus.
Becky Samuel 2 months ago
They had doors that weighed a ton, so were completely unsuitable for many disabked and older people. And the visibility was so bad that they were dangerous and were frequently used as public toilets. There was no drainage, so they were usually fogged up and they stank of stale pìss.
Lazy Panda 2 2 months ago
Thank you. Everyone loves to say how good the red boxes looked, but I have the same thoughts as you.
Load More Replies... Telperion 2 months ago
At least you still have payphones! We don't in the US for the most part.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 2 months ago
While there are a few still clinging on, most of the red phoneboxes have been adopted by local communities and repurposed as mini libraries or defibrillators. Very few actually have a phone in them.
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Igor914624 2 months ago
They could have left the old phone boxes, but removed the phone. That way there is a place to have a private conversation on your cell phone.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 2 months ago
They have. Most old phone boxes are now mini-libraries or they house defibrillators.
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It even differs from city to city. “We were performing in Germany, and the set for Berlin was completely different from Munich,” he explained. What makes one audience burst into laughter might just earn polite chuckles in another. The challenge is to strike the right chord with each crowd, making humor feel personal rather than generic.
#10
Blue Bunny of Happiness 2 months ago
I bought some duvet clips/pins that you secure through the cover and duvet. Game changer.
Gigi 2 months ago
Unfortunately anything bulgy under the duvet is considered cat toy by my 4 idiots
Load More Replies... Verena 2 months ago
Never happens, duvet is cotton and cover, too. Enough friction to stay put.
PeepPeep the duck 2 months ago
I feel stupid, but I noticed as a kid they stayed in place (80s90s etc) but as an adult didn’t think to correlate the influx of synthetic fabrics, as the reason- 😂
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Dave Baxter 2 months ago
Buy 4 small foldback paper clips & fasten the duvet inside its cover at the corners.
Mook The Mediocre 2 months ago
True. Genesis 1:3 - And God said, “Let there be safety pins,” and there were safety pins. 4 God saw that the safety pin was good, and he separated the coldness from the chin. 5. And there was general happiness and stuff. Cos God sort of liked that s**t. 6. And God wished he existed. He asked his dad if he could exist, and his dad sayeth, "Nay. Get over it." 7. And God got over it. --- True story.
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Huddo's sister 2 months ago
I use nappy pins to hold the corners. Make it easier to put on the cover too, as you lay the doona on the inside out cover, pin the corners, then flip the cover the right way.
#11
Auntriarch 2 months ago
Wash it when you get home, free bra! Or just look at the label and go to the shop it came from.
Patrick Casavant 2 months ago
Nasty. But every bra you try on may have been tried on by someone else, no?
#12
Blue Bunny of Happiness 2 months ago
Nope, but I do tell the bunnies. I also tell them not to k**l themselves, not to k**l each other, and not to k**l the house. No bunnies have been harmed. The house however has minor injuries.
Janissary35680 2 months ago
As a rescue that had been abandoned at a shelter by his previous owners when he was ~1 yo, Chicco suffered (to a degree still suffers) from severe separation anxiety. I help him deal with it by using a set phrase every time I have to leave him somewhere. I started training by saying the phrase in the exact same tone of voice, rewarding, leaving, quickly returning, and praising and rewarding again. Over time I gradually lengthened the time before returning. He still doesn't really like being left alone however but at least he doesn't freak out the way he used to any more.
Grumpy old man 2 months ago
Buy him a manikin and dress it in your clothes
Load More Replies... Albert 2 months ago
I used to say goodbye to my 18-year old cat whenever I went to work. After my cat died, I caught myself saying goodbye to an empty house. That felt so sad… About 4 weeks later I had 2 new young cats in my house. An I’m saying goodbye every day again.
Dawn Marie 2 months ago (edited)
To my cat: "I'll be back in a bit, Baby (That is really her name)." Or, "I'm going to breakfast, see you in an hour." I feel like d*nce, but if I don't do it, then I feel like I am abandoning her. I had to edit because PB in their infinite wisdom wanted to ban the word d u n c e.
highwaycrossingfrog 2 months ago
My parents tell their dogs "Off to work." They retired 10 years ago
“Here’s the thing—we observe our surroundings,” he continued. “We try to get the pulse of the city, the little things that people might not notice but subconsciously relate to.” That’s what makes a joke or meme hit differently—when it reflects something people experience daily but never put into words.
#13
Auntriarch 2 months ago (edited)
Don't worry, those people will be talking about it for years, the mystery lady in red, she'll be a local legend.
Nosirrow 2 months ago
Why do people even go to funerals? At my mother's, there were maybe 30 people who pretended they cared. No one had ever helped mother when the change was possible. And obviously no one showed up when she had cancer. They knew I knew they're fake, but came to the funeral anyway.
PeepPeep the duck 2 months ago
Wouldn’t it be funny though if she did meet the deceased at random at one point and maybe brightened their day or vise versa. That would’ve been cool. No one but the dead would have known
#14
Lee Gilliland 2 months ago
Touchscreens do not belong in moving vehicles.
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Hugo 2 months ago
My sister lives abroad. Yesterday she flew into the country, hired a car at the airport, and then fetched me from the station. The car bleeped if it thought she was driving too close to the edge of the road or to the central white line; it bleeped if she exceeded the speed limit by a small amount in a built-up area (how did it know?). I turned a dial to get fresh air from the face-level vent and it decided to switch on the air conditioning, even though it was a cool day. Then it took her a while to work out how to lock the car when we parked. The remote device had no physical key so you'd be stuck if the battery went flat. All this electronics in cars has gone too far.
Dragon Lady 2 months ago
Heaven help those of us who have trouble turning up the volume on a car radio and then having to turn it down again! I am notorious....
PeepPeep the duck 2 months ago (edited)
I don’t the ones who get angry over you not answering a text or call whilst driving 😂
#15
Philly Bob 2 months ago
I asked my mom for $20 and she said "do you think I'm made of money?" I said "isn't that what MOM stands for?" I got my aśs beat.
It’s all about the small quirks. The way people behave on public transport, the slang they use, or even the way they react to the weather—these everyday details form the foundation of humor. “When you pick up on those things, you create a moment where people think, ‘Yes! That’s exactly it!’ and that’s what makes comedy and memes so powerful.”
#16
Teutonic Disaster 2 months ago
I knew Tescos are pretty big, but I didn't realize they'll stretch over several individual land masses.
Reemerger 2 months ago
People have been able to go there and celebrate their birthdays twice.
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Blue Bunny of Happiness 2 months ago
Accurate and yet another reason why I do online grocery shopping.
Nuku Nyara 2 months ago
You both have good taste in food, take it as a compliment and tell them this
#17
Owen 2 months ago (edited)
The trains amaze me. I used to take them all the time, but the prices have become ridiculous. At the same time as the prices increasing, they have actually gotten worse and worse. They're never on time, and there's no staff on board a lot of them, bar the driver. It's insane. I used to live next door to a train station, and I kept my window shut because I could hear the tannoy announcements constantly saying how late they were, and it made me despair. Ok... Rant over.
Reemerger 2 months ago
If i was the Deutsche Bahn, I'd feel compelled to say: "I'm in this description and I don't like it". Just saw a report yesterday on this. I think our train service is sth like the second worst in continental Europe.
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Laura Osborne 1 month ago
When I used to go see a musical on a wednesday (matinee show on my day off) I got a £10 return ticket that I also used on the tube and buses and paid £17 - 20 for the show so had a full day out in London with a meal and show for under £50. Had to go to St Thomas' hospital for a torn retina recently and the return ticket was £65 alone... Don't think I'll be off to see any shows any time soon.
Uncle Schmickle 2 months ago
Blimey. What's going on in the UK ? As an Aussie railway enthusiast, I find this incredible. Private enterprise again. Bring back BR !
R1MV4Superleggera 2 months ago
I don't use public transportation, but, if I did pay that amount, I also would be very cross!
#18
Robert Millar 2 months ago
Now you've given away a state secret. Be careful when you open your door.
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Blue Bunny of Happiness 2 months ago
People get promoted to one level above their competence according to my Dad.
Janissary35680 2 months ago
That's known as the Peter Principle in management: "People in a hierarchy tend to rise to a level of respective incompetence." It's well documented in practice. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_principle
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Yrral Spavit 2 months ago
And, if you show up 5min late one day after multiple staying late evenings you get spoken too while the t**t who does little more but show up and breathe gets attaboys.
This instant connection is what makes localized humor stand out. “A good joke isn’t just funny—it’s familiar,” he pointed out. “People don’t just laugh because it’s clever. They laugh because it reflects something they’ve lived.” That’s why humor tied to real experiences often feels more impactful than generic jokes.
#19
Michael Largey 2 months ago
I figure if it's not important enough for them to leave a voice mail then it's not important enough to do any googling.
Wolfgang Bonow 2 months ago
They know your number is live as soon it rings.
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Janelle Collard 2 months ago (edited)
Sometimes our home phone will say "Scam likely" when someone/thing is calling. Makes it easier to ignore the phone!
Evan Connolly 2 months ago
Not with how slow the wireless service is in my neighborhood - and sometimes it doesn't work at all!
#20
Blue Bunny of Happiness 2 months ago
Got to by the MH nurse, that I was destined to have poor mental health given my family history. I still want to know how the heck my sister escaped it then.
#21
Doug Moyer 2 months ago
I get up at 5 for work. On purpose! Decided I'd rather work 6-3 than 8-5 so I'd have some daylight in the winter for an after work walk with my wife.
SJones 2 months ago (edited)
Amazing how much improvement in your life when you can spend time together in the daylight.
Load More Replies... dan s 2 months ago
I used to have a job that was so bad I got low-grade PTSD from it. I had to get up at 5:30 for that. Now I own a bookstore that's just down the street so I get up at 9:30. Sometimes I'll set an alarm for 5:30, just so I can get up, have a pee and a giggle knowing I can go back to bed for 4 hours and then I get to go do the best job on earth.
Research plays a crucial role in both stand-up comedy and memes. “When memes are created by locals, they capture the exact pain points of the people living there. That’s why they feel so spot on,” he explained. From long grocery store queues to city-specific struggles, humor often comes from shared frustrations.
#22
Margaret H 2 months ago
The first work computer I came across had its own air-conditioned office. We mortals had to put up with 40-degree-plus days in summer and radiators that didn't work in winter. Oh, how I envied the girl who worked in that office.
Hugo 2 months ago
Yes, it was the only air-conditioned room in the factory. It needed to be, with all the heat given off by the man-high cabinets (and whirling tape decks and chuntering line printer).
Load More Replies... #23
Space Invader 2 months ago
Actually, the direction of the race is to the left . It's a race around the world!
#24
Bill Swallow 2 months ago
... So who says he's not a great drinking buddy *now*?
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Dawn Marie 2 months ago
We have a lady like that in my assisted living except she yells BINGO after each number is called and BINGO BINGO when she has an actually BINGO. We all just tune her out.
PeepPeep the duck 2 months ago (edited)
I was a recreation peep for the high care dementia ward, I had a lady who did that, she ‘won’ so many games 😂 most ignore her, I still acknowledge it and give a yay between reading more numbers 😂 “43, 4 .. 3, 43!” “Bingo” “yayayayyayay number 4, 4 on its own” 😂
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Mark Stewart 2 months ago
The fury of a woman scorned is nothing compared to that of a pensioner when bingo isn't taken seriously 😂
However, while memes seem effortless, they often require brainstorming, just like any good joke. “Not all memes go viral, but the ones that do usually have some thought behind them,” he said. Even the simplest memes might take trial and error before they really click with an audience.
#25
Auntriarch 2 months ago
It's banks that used to make me wonder (while we still had them). Who needs banks? People with money. Who has money? People who work. When do banks open for business? When people who work are in work.
Janissary35680 2 months ago
When I was a kid, banks shut their doors to customers at three o'clock in the afternoon and wouldn't let anyone inside. The reason, I was told, was that bank employees needed until five to count all the cash and make sure the books balance before going home.
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John Mishasek 2 months ago
There are wise people that your POST will create an "ahah" moment to start new businesses to fill those unmet needs.
Evan Connolly 2 months ago
You can go to the doctor or dentist. I don't think they can legally prevent you from going, despite wanting to be your first priority. Your health is more important.
John Dilligaf 2 months ago
i've often wondered why there aren't more medical and professional offices with "after-hours" hours. Like open 11am - 9pm . The demand seems to be there.
Dilly Millandry 2 months ago
All my past jobs (office based) let me go for doctor or dental appointments. I'm self-employed now... so I give myself permission.
Elaine Roberts 2 months ago
We’re talking about doctors and dentists, not shops.
Load More Replies... #26
Koalalover 2 months ago
I ordered a sofa with "guaranteed Christmas delivery" in November. To be fair they didnt specifiy *which* Christmas and it eventually arrived in February lol
Lee Gilliland 2 months ago (edited)
There's an actual reason for this but you aren't interested, so let's just say IF YOU BUY SOMETHING THAT HAS TO BE INDIVIDUALLY UPHOLSTERED IN YOUR NAME don't expect it Friday. There are not 5000 sofas in your preferred fabric in a warehouse somewhere. Furniture is still a bespoke business, however old fashioned you find that idea. Each furnishing in your home was individually made.
Riley Quinn 2 months ago
It will be 12 weeks of phone calls and emails to get a valid response. Right about the time your sofa arrives.
April Pickett 2 months ago
I'm sure that they wait for the order to start construction of your sofa. I had a small dining set ordered. It still took them a couple of weeks to deliver it.
R1MV4Superleggera 2 months ago
You think that was bad? Try waiting for over a year for you Ducati V4 Superleggera which I paid in full the moment I ordered
Robert Millar 2 months ago
Wherever I hang my hat, that's my home. Joe Cocker.
Load More Replies... #27
Janissary35680 2 months ago
Saying it's "just a British soap" is like saying the Himalayas are "just a mountain range". 😄
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Chewie Baron 2 months ago
It is now the longest televised soap opera in the World. The longest broadcasted soap is The Archers, which is on Radio 4.
James016 2 months ago (edited)
Mrs Slocombe's pu55y was quite the handful.
Load More Replies... Bill Swallow 2 months ago
'S OK. I got addicted to "Last of the Summer Wine". Frankly, I think Compo, Clegg, and Foggy are a lot more fun than Coronation Street. And I absolutely do not mind watching 'Summer Wine' start to end. Even 'Last Pigeon and Post'.
Reemerger 2 months ago
There used to be sweets in a tin with that name. Cookies? Bonbons?
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Chewie Baron 2 months ago (edited)
First started in December 1960. Elsie Tanner tells her son Dennis, to be more like Ken Barlow who lives a couple of doors down the road.
Auntriarch 2 months ago
Ah, Elsie Tanner, the Sophia Loren of Greater Manchester
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Rose the Cook 2 months ago
It must have started more than 50 years ago because I remember my mother watching it.
Danielle 2 months ago
It started in 1960! Before my mother was even born and I'm straight up middle aged.
Load More Replies... Huddo's sister 2 months ago
I recently started watching Home and Away from the beginning (again). It only started in 1988 but still feels like a different time.
Whether it’s comedy or memes, humor has a way of bringing people together by making them feel seen. These posts are a great example of how laughter can cross borders while still staying personal. Which one of these memes made you laugh the most? Share it with someone who gets it!
#28
Spannidandoolar 2 months ago
Get one with a lid, I thought my husband was ridiculous purchasing ice trays when we already had some but the lids are a game changer.
Patricia 2 months ago
Or buy a counter top ice maker. Love mine have had it for 6+ years.
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Jan Willem ten Dam 2 months ago
I put it into the freezer empty, and subsequently fill it up using a bottle of water.
Mary Tonningsen 2 months ago
I remember back in the Days of Yore when all we had were the aluminum trays with a handle to pull up to loosen the cubes. And the handle would break off. Man, those were a nightmare!! And also, our sink was as far from the freezer as it could get, so water from one end of the kitchen to the other. :( I love modern times!
#29
Auntriarch 2 months ago
And for those of us who actually buy our groceries, they would cost less.
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Bill Mills 2 months ago
That's right up there with the unemployed d**g addicts who would check into the psych unit where my wife was a nurse to get food and a bed until they got their next welfare check that they would then blow on d***s telling her they pay her salary.
#30
Auntriarch 2 months ago
That's why I tell people I'm a queen. See this golden crown right here, first molar.
#31
Mike F 2 months ago
Must live with parents. When you have to do your own dishes you wipe that bad boy off and cut away.
Dilly Millandry 2 months ago
I don't live with parents and I annoy myself by doing this! I do have a dishwasher though.
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Firstname Lastname 2 months ago
I always leave the knife teetering on the edge of the sink in case I want a second sandwich. Problem dodged.
Colleen Glim 2 months ago
But vets are expensive. I’d be too afraid of the stoopid cat cutting his tongue
Load More Replies... #32
MsPlants 2 months ago
cooking or house building? cus I have the skills but not the budget for both of those
Load More Replies... G A 2 months ago
Well that's an overwrought response. It's not a sexist question, it's an enquiry of general ability.
Harry Gondalf 2 months ago
As a matter of fact, I CAN build a house. And cook. And sew. And change a tyre and a diaper. So the question remains, "Can you cook?"
Trophy Husband 2 months ago
Technically I can... But I can't afford the land or the materials...
Diane Business 2 months ago
Actually, I CAN cook and my husband CAN build a house so this line wouldn't work for us :)
#33
Rob Williams 2 months ago
Reminds me of a chap at a place I used to work. He had an accident changing a light bulb and said "Technically, I never fell off the ladder. I was still on it when it hit the ground..."
#34
Rose the Cook 2 months ago
Had this happen many years ago when somebody gave my sons two '"male" Guinea Pigs.
Riley Quinn 2 months ago
Yeah, found out after the fact that one of my female mice was a male.
G A 2 months ago
Dunno how you couldn't tell given the size of mouse nuts....
Load More Replies... Huddo's sister 2 months ago
We had a ingle guinea pig in the cage one day and the next there was a second! Must have been impregnated by the father before we bought it and we didn't know. The baby was the biggest I've ever seen. Usually get a litter of 5 or so tiny ones, not one big one.
Holly Herr 2 months ago
This happens waaaaaay too much at pet stores, which is why many stores have gone to selling only one s*x. (Except you can’t, depending on breed, house 2 or more males together)
ThePinwormsrock 2 months ago
If you leave them in there long enough, you'll be back down to two....
G A 2 months ago
I think that's more Golden ones. The smaller ones are more sociable.
Load More Replies... #35
Becky Samuel 2 months ago
Give her the project of putting it back together like a jigsaw. So long as the bank can read the serial number they'll replace it for you.
#36
Michael Largey 2 months ago
Never tell a woman that you don't like the way her perfume smells. She may not be wearing any.
#37
Peter Bear 2 months ago
Depends on what tea I'm making. Black tea, obviously the water must be boiling, but you wait 30 seconds for green tea and a full minute for most herbal blends. Trust me, it matters.
Bruce Mardle 2 months ago
I just googled "optimum water temperature for making tea". It's more complicated than I thought. Now I have to make a cuppa.
Dilly Millandry 2 months ago
It is more complicated than a lot of people realise! Depends on the tea type for a start. Should never be still boiling otherwise you make the tea bitter and sour as it releases too many tannins!
Load More Replies... Hugo 2 months ago
I have cousins who leave the electric kettle to boil and boil before it switches itself off automatically. They don't seem to realize: (a) the water won't get hotter than 100°; (b) one doesn't drink Nescafé at that temperature anyway; (c) the coffee is likely to taste better when made with water containing dissolved air, so it's better to switch off the kettle as soon as it 'sings'. The electricity bill is high enough as it is!
#38
Peppy 2 months ago
Proper Hobbit 11’s, cheese and tomato pizza, followed by tequila cocktails
Load More Replies... April Pickett 2 months ago
That saying "it's 5 o'clock somewhere in the world" is the only reason you need.
#39
#40
Mike F 2 months ago
I had to read that three times before it dawned on me that "dads a bin man" meant that he picks them up! I'm such a dope sometimes. SMDH.
nottheactualphoto 2 months ago
The garbage man can, 'cause he mixes it with love.
Load More Replies... #41
Bill Swallow 2 months ago
... You haven't seen the recent crop of nikulturny idjits turned out by Harvard, have you?
rv branham 2 months ago
yeah, dropping c-bombs at the cunting rug rats, they'd have to be wearing a yale or columbia jumper...
#42
Anyone-for-tea? 2 months ago
Look when it was written, during lockdown, so no one was spending! And before all the prices for everything went sky high. Now it’s more like if you have a tenner, and now £9, it’s all gone.
Load More Replies... #43
UKGrandad 2 months ago
Tori needs to sort out her use of slang. A 'jobby' is Glaswegian for a túrd.
Debby Keir 2 months ago
*A Small Task: It can also refer to a small job or piece of work, such as "I've just got a couple of wee jobbies to take care of around the house". *
Load More Replies... #44
Hayley Bailey 2 months ago
Did work experience in the late 90's as a teen. Trying to be helpful, I made cups of tea for everyone and was told they were the best cuppas ever. I'm STILL riding that high.
detective miller's hat 2 months ago
Best moment of my life-- Dad: "detective miller's hat, make me a cup of tea" Lil Bro: "I'll do it" Dad: "No, you don't make it right."
Blue Bunny of Happiness 2 months ago
We used to take it in turns to make the drinks for a tea break when I worked as a chambermaid. I was only allowed to do it once. Apparently, I make a rubbish pot of tea. I think tea is the work of the devil, so I’m fine with that.
Huddo's sister 2 months ago
I've been told I make the best Vegemite toast. I am pretty proud of that, though being complimented on tea making is really good too.
Grumpy old man 2 months ago
Milk first, activates the sugars and gives a slight caramel flavor.
#45
cryssH 2 months ago
As a receptionist many years ago, I was reading a history book (QE1) and there were lots of Spanish names. Customer calls in, I take the message, she says her name is Wanda and I said - do you spell that Juanda ... there was a long silence. I apologized and then spelled it correctly, Not my best moment.
#46
Maggie Fulton 2 months ago
Sounds like good old American living. But with vastly older historical monuments.
Evan Connolly 2 months ago
Same here in British Columbia (except for the train; the West Coast Express is great - although it does have to use the same tracks as the freight trains and this must sometimes wait its turn.
Riley Quinn 2 months ago
Sometime around '96, an uninsured friend found out she had breast cancer, so she moved to the UK for treatments. Many of us in the US envied the UK health system. Dental, not so much.
G A 2 months ago
That fvcking sucks, taking advantage of the UK taxpayer. Too many foreigners doing this. They should pay their due. We pay for the NHS through our wages
Load More Replies... #47
Grumpy old man 2 months ago
ER nurses in America are nastier than drill instructors. As if I genuinely wanted to die in ways I didnt know existed... If I was suey sidal, I could do it easier and less painfully dontcha think?
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Nat Rich 2 months ago
Ok, gonna stand up here as I was one for a while and I hated it but we were made to ask. Like, I had no medical experience and basically had to triage patients to make sure the more urgent ones were seen quicker (some people greatly overestimate their needs to see a doctor and some peoole greatly underestimate it so we had to try and figure it out) and then if we got it wrong the moody Doctor would shout at us. We got grief from all angles, I cried many a time in that job and now have a lot of patience for receptionists. If you don't want to say just say it's a private matter.
Susan Raskin 2 months ago
because they are. Just like the untrained idiots at US Health Insurance companies. They have zero health training but deny your coverage because they can
Huddo's sister 2 months ago
I haven't noticed that in Australia, all the ones I've seen have been great (though I know there is at least one who is like that, she clashed with my friend when they worked together).
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David Frost 2 months ago
I hate it when they ask you what is wrong. Like I am telling you! Maybe say that your w**g is too long. Watch their face then!!
Zig Zag Wanderer 2 months ago
Maybe ask them how long it took them to get their medical degree?
Load More Replies... #48
Dave Baxter 2 months ago
If only we weren't too lazy to learn to speak any other language than English, I reckon most of us would've moved somewhere hotter/sunnier by now!
Reemerger 2 months ago
Just say the English words louder. Locals will scowl their appreciation at you. It's just a different love language there.
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Auntriarch 2 months ago (edited)
Such a pretty name... (I'd say /s but someone probably has)
Load More Replies... #49
Dilly Millandry 2 months ago
Trainers? Should be proper work boots, probably with steel toe caps! Even I wear them on site!
Hugo 2 months ago
No, they're battens. But remember, he has drove so perhaps he done it right.
Load More Replies... marianne eliza 2 months ago
As a lifelong barefooter, I have to keep shoes in my car at all times. If I've blown it and worn the shoes into the house, on my next errand I'll arrive at the store and have to go back home.
#50
G A 2 months ago
Or just keep walking and say 'yeeeeeeeAH. You?', turn back and they turn and say 'not bad'.....
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Molly Cule 2 months ago
Because it's the modern equivalent of, "how do you do?"; to which the correct response is "how do you do?".
#51
Rob Williams 2 months ago
Very true! I never understood colleagues who said they were going out to get drunk. I never went out just to get drunk regardless of how many times I staggered home...
Load More Replies... Oerff On Tour 2 months ago (edited)
"I was driving home the other day and I thought I'm gonna pay my taxes and live responsibly. Then I saw the sign above the road saying Priority Change Ahead. So I went to the pub." (James May)
#53
Janissary35680 2 months ago
A real fixer-upper! I bet Chip & Joanna could turn this into a 4 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath farmhouse chic duplex on a budget of just £5,000. Of course in the UK, they'd have to get planning permission.😄
#54
#55
#56
Barbara Wilcock 2 months ago
Why do I have to turn the music down when I approach a roundabout
Debby Keir 2 months ago
Ha - I'm often in 3rd rather than 5th (deaf) and only know when the rev counter glows.
#57
#58
Grumpy old man 2 months ago
Stupid Drumpfers are resurging Covid in Texas.
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#59
Auntriarch 2 months ago
Disgraceful. Says the person with garden birkies, house birkies, outside birkies, outside when it's raining birkies, shopping birkies, and evening birkies (two different styles)
#60
#61
General Anaesthesia 2 months ago (edited)
You'll get there if they fοrnіcаtе often enough fast enough. Compound cohabitation is a wonderful thing.
#62
Auntriarch 2 months ago (edited)
Because Diane has been driving for half a century without incident, and you haven't - their logic. I didn't have my own car insurance until I was in my 40s, and I was pleased that my insurer didn't sting me on premiums but if I had to claim my excess would be eye watering.
General Anaesthesia 2 months ago
Now, the same question at 3 a.m. Sunday, and you're driving home from a night on the town.
Jude Corrigan 2 months ago (edited)
Because they go by statistics. And Dianne is not statistically likely to race her mates, be out regularly late at night or drive dangerously to impress people. Also, younger people seem to think they are invincible. Saying that, Dianne probably should retake her test by now.
#63
Riley Quinn 2 months ago
Whew. I will never know how I escaped that bullet. Not to say I didn't do stupid things, just not this one.
Auntriarch 2 months ago (edited)
I once sent an extremely drunk text to Mr Auntriarch to come and fetch me. At least I thought that's what I'd texted, but when I looked at it the next morning all I could assume was that he knew it was from me, guessed that I wasn't in a fit state to be at large, so he came to fetch me.
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#64
#65
Gabriel Camomescro 2 months ago
A good boyfriend would save her hair, buy a porcelain doll, and put her hair on the doll. Either romantic, serial-killer level creepy, or both.
Reemerger 2 months ago
I know what you did there. I smell what the 'Arch is cookin'!
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#68
#69
Kay C 2 months ago
I'm not even British and I grew up with that lol. From my granddad who left the UK in the 60s😂
Blue Bunny of Happiness 2 months ago (edited)
That and “Were you born in a barn?, when you leave a door open. You’d think my Dad would know where I was born.
Anyone-for-tea? 2 months ago
Or if somewhere is busy, “it’s like Piccadilly Circus around here!”.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 2 months ago
The opposite, when walking into a dark room with people in it, is "Are you growing mushrooms, or something?"
#70
Auntriarch 2 months ago (edited)
Me at 67: I'm drunk, on Bored Panda, listen you twát featured dïngleberry... (which I freely admit I wasn't expecting to be censored)
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 2 months ago
Pro-tip: if you edit your comment, you can replace the asterisked letters with the actual letters and it won't re-censor the post.
Load More Replies... #71
#72
#73
#74
Auntriarch 2 months ago
You should also consider the possibility that those people are lying gits.
Strahd Ivarius 2 months ago
or they read the BBC web site... https://www.bbc.com/travel/article/20250905-is-cheese-the-new-reason-to-travel
Load More Replies... Jay Scales 2 months ago
Can't remember the last time I had a trip to BIG Tesco....
Load More Replies... #75
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 2 months ago
The TV show "The Apprentice". Flog = to sell. Halloumi fries = fries made from halloumi cheese coated in breadcrumbs.
Load More Replies... 
#76
Anyone-for-tea? 2 months ago
I do that in the hospital toilets! Hmm, I have only just realised I spend more time there than pubs these days.
highwaycrossingfrog 2 months ago
Oh god I do this. Probably cos I used to work in a pub and have to fill one out, but that was 24 years ago.
#77
Stygtand 2 months ago
Its not a real house. Looks like one of those presentation photos they make for people looking to build house.
Janissary35680 2 months ago
Definitely not a real house. The doors at the right look like the threshold is maybe a foot off the ground, which looks more like a sea of grey sludge.
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Ageing_Changeling 2 months ago (edited)
What's wrong with it? It's not like you're going to waste that space by keeping a vehicle there... :-)
Max Robitzsch 2 months ago
Yard looked like sh*t and they did a quick and dirty cleanup (lol) with photoshop.
#79
#80
Tazzer Panda 2 months ago
It's a pasty, and they're delicious! Different fillings encased in flaky, puff pastry. Cheese and onion, meat and potato, sausage cheese and beans, steak/chicken bake. In all honesty you can put pretty much anything in, I've had corned beef hash and chilli leftovers before now and on both occasions they ended up as pasties!
Load More Replies... Barbara Wilcock 2 months ago
Whoever made this can slap Gordon Ramsey across the face and yell 'I f****n won'
#81
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 2 months ago
Pasta bowl in our house. Although we use it for anything rice or pasta based.
B Jones 2 months ago
Same. I bought my current set just for bowls like this. I use them more any of the others
Load More Replies... marianne eliza 2 months ago
Food mounded in a bowl stays warm longer. Less surface area to lose the heat.
Blue Bunny of Happiness 2 months ago
Please can someone explain why all bowls seem to be a deeper version of this these days? They don’t stack well in the dishwasher! Please bring back the old style flared cereal bowls. #grumpyoldwomanproblems
#82
Smeghead Tribble Down Under 2 months ago
My parents were paying 22% interest on their mortgage through the 80s and into the 90s.
#83
Nannychachi 2 months ago
I have an electric candle warmer on my side table that I put my coffee cup on to keep it hot.
Teutonic Disaster 2 months ago (edited)
Dafuq is an electric candle warmer?! Since when do we need to keep candles warm? The candles are supposed to keep us warm! To a degree at least...
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Peter Bear 2 months ago
And that is precisely what tea light candles are for; to warm your tea. Get yourself a good borosillicate glass teapot with a stand, and you'll never have cold tea again!
BossyCloud 2 months ago
Wow I had no idea why they're called tea lights. Thanks!
Load More Replies... Jude Corrigan 2 months ago
If '..then you realise, that you had used the last tea bag.' A modern tragedy.
Maggie Fulton 2 months ago
This is why I time when my tea should be done. Then get distracted anyway and it still winds up cold.
#84
Grumpy old man 2 months ago
I talk to my dogs. Ive been talking to myself for years and the crazier I appear, the less stupid people approach me
Load More Replies... #85
Phil 2 months ago
I think the peak of British children's entertainment was Horrible Histories.
Hidden Tracks 2 months ago (edited)
Surely the peak of British children's entertainment was two grown men repeating the words "to me, to you"
#86
#87
Kalikima 2 months ago (edited)
Wasn't there another post that had this word for word, except it was $80, not pounds? And it said crazy, not daft? Someone is stealing posts..
Auntriarch 2 months ago
I wouldn't be surprised. But at least they translated it correctly.
Load More Replies... #88
Scrappychick 2 months ago
If you were good with the biro in my primary school you would graduate onto an italic ink pen.
Chewie Baron 2 months ago
The Berol wasn’t a biro though! I can remember when I got my first Berol, and that was a long time ago!
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williamszita 2 months ago
Ooh that brings me back....although in my primary school you could only graduate to a pen if you could write the letter T neatly. Baffles me to this day why T?????
Margaret H 2 months ago
I must be very, very old, then. We used a slate and slate pencil for two years before we even got paper and a pencil.
Barrie Verdin 2 months ago
In my day, NO BIROS!!!! Fountain pen if you were lucky enough to own one. But, I learnt to write with a pen that you had to dip into ink every few minutes to keep writing. This was in the 50's in a British Army School in Germany. Then at Grammar school in the 60's ... Biros only with permission of the teacher concerned. Definitely NOT to be used in GCE exams,
Hugo 2 months ago
I wonder whether the army school was any better than the one in Ismaília in 1955. Several times I was caught reading a book under the desk because I was so bored. I seem to remember there was also another class taking place at the other end of the same room. So basically I learned nothing that year -- luckily I managed to catch up by the end of my first year at a proper school back home.
Load More Replies... #89
Maggie Fulton 2 months ago
What’s wrong with that? At least he has the time off to enjoy himself.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 2 months ago
I've taken four consecutive Wednesday afternoons off to babysit my granddaughter. Best use of holiday ever.
#91
Rali Meyer 2 months ago
I had a moped that achieved a speed in excess of 33 kph instead of 25 kph. They chased me like I was Evil Knievel
KatWitch57 2 months ago
Police officers using a cherry picker to hand the Union Flag (it said when I clicked on it).
Load More Replies... #92
#94
Ace 2 months ago
You're only "poor" because you all insist on driving new cars you can't afford.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 2 months ago
That's not true. I'm poor because almost all my monthly salary goes on the mortgage, feeding all the people and animals, and keeping my ancient car running.
Load More Replies... #95
Dave Baxter 2 months ago
That's not a man, that's a boy who's old enough to be a man but lacking the maturity to act like an adult.
Spannidandoolar 2 months ago
I'm convinced my husband and his school friends' group chat is 90% them repeating the same jokes they've been making about each other since they were at school.
#96
Eastendbird 2 months ago
Yeah, it means you have very little to compare it to...just wait sweetie..just wait.
Max Robitzsch 2 months ago
That sounds like an unnecessarily cruel response, luv.
Load More Replies... #97
#98
Phantom Phoenix 2 months ago
Can someone please make sense of "That's an L i had to firm" I'm baffled
Amy 2 months ago
I think the tweet originally said “firmly” and then continued but they’ve whited out the end… probably to hide a watermark of they got it from
Load More Replies... #99
Strahd Ivarius 2 months ago
No this is the one used for Russian Institute...
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#100
Dave Baxter 2 months ago
"Yeah, you?" is the standard reply. How could anyone not know that?!?
Jude Corrigan 2 months ago
The correct response is "alright" with a head nod. Then move along, no one needs your life story.
marianne eliza 2 months ago
Right and all right can mean completely different things by changing your tone of voice.
Grumpy old man 2 months ago
Theres a meme somewhere about how "right" means two differenthings on which side of the pond
Kathy Brooke 2 months ago
It is also the necessary signal that you are going to stand up and leave.
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#102
Grumpy old man 2 months ago
The old way was better. Metric money sucks. Bring back the haypenny and quarter farthing!
Load More Replies... #103
#104
Feathered Dinosaur 2 months ago
If I downed a whole bottle of wodka I'd have severe alcohol poisoning.
BossyCloud 2 months ago
I think most chickens' bodies aren't much bigger than a bottle of vodka, so that makes sense
Load More Replies... #105
BossyCloud 2 months ago
Because it's not that OP doesn't know why the prices are different, it's the reasons that they're different that is madness.
Load More Replies... #106
Igor914624 2 months ago
There are actually people that don't like coffee and/or tea and still need caffeine. Hence the Coke (Or in my case Dr. Pepper). No bean caffeine.
Blue Bunny of Happiness 2 months ago
I have a colleague who drinks energy drinks at 8.30 am. I can’t diss her, I’ve already knocked back my large latte with an extra shot by then.
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What do you think ?
sawyerdakraken 2 months ago
I made a hey pandas thing, anyone want to try it? (I'm sorry for ads, my thing just won't show up) https://www.boredpanda.com/?p=9344021
G A 2 months ago
If it was about Americans they would be beeching and moaning we were picking on them. Brits- shrug "fair comment".
Load More Replies... sawyerdakraken 2 months ago
I made a hey pandas thing, anyone want to try it? (I'm sorry for ads, my thing just won't show up) https://www.boredpanda.com/?p=9344021
G A 2 months ago
If it was about Americans they would be beeching and moaning we were picking on them. Brits- shrug "fair comment".
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