50 Times British Humor Was So On Point, It Deserved A Knighthood

Ted is adorable.

I love seeing my husband look at his watch and asking him straight away what the time is. 100% of the time he looks at his watch again.

I've seen that before and it's still one of the coolest things.

Dryer minutes are utter fiction.

Grandparents are the best.

Amen

Good moaning.

That's one of those questions that we'll probably get the answer to when we die. 😂

Fact. It looks like a shower cubicle and the dancing trumpeter resembles the god Mercury as much as I resemble Venus.

I bought some duvet clips/pins that you secure through the cover and duvet. Game changer.

I know this is bad, but... Hahaha, hahaha!

Nope, but I do tell the bunnies. I also tell them not to k**l themselves, not to k**l each other, and not to k**l the house. No bunnies have been harmed. The house however has minor injuries.

Your mum is cool. I hope she owned it.

Especially if your car has touchscreen everything.

If it was your big brother the answer would be £0

I knew Tescos are pretty big, but I didn't realize they'll stretch over several individual land masses.

Owen

Owen

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The trains amaze me. I used to take them all the time, but the prices have become ridiculous. At the same time as the prices increasing, they have actually gotten worse and worse. They're never on time, and there's no staff on board a lot of them, bar the driver. It's insane. I used to live next door to a train station, and I kept my window shut because I could hear the tannoy announcements constantly saying how late they were, and it made me despair. Ok... Rant over.

And if you're bad enough at it, you get put into management.

I figure if it's not important enough for them to leave a voice mail then it's not important enough to do any googling.

"Swings and roundhouse kicks" as my gran used to say.

I get up at 5 for work. On purpose! Decided I'd rather work 6-3 than 8-5 so I'd have some daylight in the winter for an after work walk with my wife.

It's called "The Office"

I'd still fall and break a bone.

He would have been a great drinking buddy back in the day.

It's banks that used to make me wonder (while we still had them). Who needs banks? People with money. Who has money? People who work. When do banks open for business? When people who work are in work.

I ordered a sofa with "guaranteed Christmas delivery" in November. To be fair they didnt specifiy *which* Christmas and it eventually arrived in February lol

Isn't that just a British Soap?

Get one with a lid, I thought my husband was ridiculous purchasing ice trays when we already had some but the lids are a game changer.

They probably would, just not that one.

That's why I tell people I'm a queen. See this golden crown right here, first molar.

Must live with parents. When you have to do your own dishes you wipe that bad boy off and cut away.

I have the skills, not the budget.

Premium dad joke.

Had this happen many years ago when somebody gave my sons two '"male" Guinea Pigs.

God save the Queen

Never tell a woman that you don't like the way her perfume smells. She may not be wearing any.

I have no recollection at this time, your honour.

Yes you animal Janet, wait till elevenses like a decent person.

They wanted to charge me for dusty blinds so I made them stand there while I dusted them.. ever so slowly.

I had to read that three times before it dawned on me that "dads a bin man" meant that he picks them up! I'm such a dope sometimes. SMDH.

It's not a fake rather it's a genuine replica.

Owen

Owen

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You guys have £1k?

Tori needs to sort out her use of slang. A 'jobby' is Glaswegian for a túrd.

Did work experience in the late 90's as a teen. Trying to be helpful, I made cups of tea for everyone and was told they were the best cuppas ever. I'm STILL riding that high.

Brilliant 😂

Sounds like good old American living. But with vastly older historical monuments.

I've never met a nice one.

If only we weren't too lazy to learn to speak any other language than English, I reckon most of us would've moved somewhere hotter/sunnier by now!

OSHA is speechless.

A slight nod is the appropriate response.

The best nights out are always the unplanned ones.

SJones

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And it’s great!

Janissary35680

Janissary35680

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A real fixer-upper! I bet Chip & Joanna could turn this into a 4 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath farmhouse chic duplex on a budget of just £5,000. Of course in the UK, they'd have to get planning permission.😄

"Oooo, thank you! Lovely..."

Tell his missus's best mate.

Why do I have to turn the music down when I approach a roundabout

I have several that fit that category right now.

There IS one going around.

Disgraceful. Says the person with garden birkies, house birkies, outside birkies, outside when it's raining birkies, shopping birkies, and evening birkies (two different styles)

It's my favorite party trick. My parting trick, if you don't mind.

I’m impressed that they’re not in their overdraft.

Statistics

Whew. I will never know how I escaped that bullet. Not to say I didn't do stupid things, just not this one.

Ha, ha ..... good one !

🎶Can you feel the love tonight?🎶