Tired of the hogwash that inspirational quotes try to feed you? Sickened by motivational quotes’ mushy tone? Well then, you are absolutely not alone! For we, too, would rather twist an ankle than read another excerpt like that. Thus, we shall join our forces and our prowess for the unconventional and find the most comfortable middle ground in these Demotivational quotes of which we’ve gathered loads, and each of them is as good a mockery as any!
So, what should you expect from these demotivational quotes? Will they take your life force away from you with their contemptuous words? Or maybe they will rip all the joy out of your breath? Well, neither! What these non-quotes about life will do is make you laugh in that very ironic way where your face makes a sneer and embers of amusement start to dance in your eyes. By and large, though, these snarky quotes are actually inspiration masked in a ghillie suit of ornery words that should be read as irony. But you, of course, already know that and will read these silly quotes as a source of entertainment, rather than wishing to actually bring yourself down.
However, we should probably stop wasting our precious time with this gabble and skip straight to the real deal here - our wonderful, mesmerizing, and truly glorious selection of demotivational quotes. They are, as you might know very well by now, just an iota down below. Once you are there, do not forget to give these cool quotes your vote and share this article with your like-minded snarky friends.
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“Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you're stupid and make bad decisions.” - Marion G. Harmon
“Every dead body on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person, so… maybe calm down.”
So what you’re saying is maybe I shouldn’t spend all my college savings on a trip to Mount Everest?
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” - Alan Dundes
“Just because we accept you as you are doesn’t mean we’ve abandoned hope you’ll improve.”
“Idiocy – never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
“If life doesn’t break you today, don’t worry. It will try again tomorrow.”
“People who say they’ll give 110% don’t understand how percentages work.”
"Engines are working at 110 percent, which is a little weird, but a bit of overkill never killed anybody." (If you get this quote, you get a cookie. A digital one, clearly. I don't know where you live).
“A thousand-mile journey starts with one step. Then again, so does falling in a ditch and breaking your neck.”
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.” - Albert Einstein
“If you never try anything new, you’ll miss out on many of life’s great disappointments”
“If at first, you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” - W.C. Fields
“It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” - Ashleigh Brilliant
“Today is the first day of the rest of your life. But so was yesterday, and look how that turned out.”
This is acctually inspiring for my procrastination. Tomorrow will NOT be a better day to do things. It's just like today. So you might as well do it today instead of tomorrow or after the weekend. I will NOT get some magical inspiration after the weekend, it wont be a better day. Just the same. So better do it today.
“Just because you are unique doesn't mean you are useful.”
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.” - W.C. Fields
“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” - Margaret Mead
“Multitasking – the art of doing twice as much as you should half as well as you could.”
“The story so far: In the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.” - Douglas Adams
“Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.” – William Goldman
If you love the movie, READ THE BOOK! I had to read it for school and it was the only book I’ve ever actually wanted to read
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.” - Dorothy Parker
“When life knocks you down, stay there and take a nap.”
“Nothing says ‘you’re a loser’ more than owning a motivational poster about being a winner.”
“Not everything is a lesson. Sometimes you just fail.” - Dwight Schrute
“Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.” - Lemony Snicket
“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.” - Bette Midler
That is true, ain't it. ... I'm gonna start being proud of those who deserve success.
“Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.”
Pretending I have it all together is exhausting, so I don't do that...🤪🤪
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.”
“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin
“The reward for good work is more work”. – Francesca Elisia
“There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.”
“Go ahead and take risks – it gives the rest of us something to laugh at.”
“Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.” - John Benfield
“Raise your hand if you have had quite enough unsolicited advice about what should be done with any lemons that life may or may not give you.”
Unless life gives you water and sugar, that's going to be some crappy lemonade.
“There’s always someone on Youtube that can do it better than you.”
There's always someone who can do it better, and someone who can do it worse.
“It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.” - Harry Hill
This makes sense, some problems appear only when we are looking for them
“Every day is Friday when you’re unemployed.”
People still, traditionally, work Friday. It would make more sense to say it's always Saturday.
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. So good luck with that.”
“If at first, you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”
Uh...maybe don't show this to my parents. Or my siblings. One will murder us, the others will burn their schoolbooks.
“Life is what happens when you’re busy reading inspirational quotes.”
“Stubbornness – because somebody has to be right and it might as well be me.”
“The best things in life are actually really expensive.”
“The secret of my success? I make a list of things not to do, and then I check them off as I don’t do them.”
“We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.” - George Bernard Shaw
https://i0.wp.com/laughbreak.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/The-men-have-spoken.jpg?w=600&ssl=1
“Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how much money you have.”
“Life’s a bitch, and then you die.”
“Never give up. Never stop trying to exceed your limits. We need the entertainment.”
“It’s not just Monday. Your whole life sucks.”
“If you never believe in anything, you’ll never be disappointed.”
“When you think you’re screwed, remember we’re all on a big, wet ball floating in the dark.”
And the only thing giving us light is the closest star we revolve around. Any light we create ourselves is not enough, but a temporary fix to see what the hell we're trying to do.
“It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?” – Ronald Reagan
“I look at the world and see a rainbow of people who all suck in different ways.“
“Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.” - David Letterman
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” – Joe Girard
“Every day is a new chance for you to screw up again.”
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early” – Charles Lamb
You'll eventually come so late and leave so early that you'll pass yourself going the other way.
“Meetings – none of us is as dumb as all of us.”
“Life better be a destination because this journey sucks.”
“Life hack: you can’t do anything wrong if you don’t do anything at all.”
"Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it."
“Interns – the experience we’re giving you is invaluable. That’s why we’re not paying you anything.”
Good judgement comes from experience. And experience comes from bad judgement. Quote from Dr Kerr L White.
“If the world didn’t suck we’d all fly into space.”
“Some people are born losers, others have to learn the hard way.”
“When work feels overwhelming, remember that you’re going to die.”
“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because if you don’t, everyone will ask you what’s wrong.”
“TEAMWORK: A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” - Justin Sewell
“The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.” - Steven Wright
“You have to make the good out of the bad because that is all you have got to make it out of.” - Robert Penn Warren
“I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.” - Arthur C. Clarke
“It’s all downhill from here.”
“There’s no limit to what you can be if you lie to yourself.”
“You thank God daily, but have you ever once heard a ‘You’re welcome’?”
Yes - every time I see puppies, kittens, baby animals of any kind really. Every cloudless blue sky day. Every rainbow. Every hearty laugh with people I love. The feeling I get from being good to a stranger. Every morning I wake. I hear "you're welcome" from God in countless ways. ❤️
“There is plenty of fish in the sea, none of them want to date you either.”
“Everyone’s good at something, and you’re the best at not being good at anything.”
“Pulling together – only works when you’re not jerking in opposite directions like idiots.”
Pull, if that doesn't work, push, if that doesn't work, we're closed.
“To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.”
“When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.” - Jane Wagner
“Quitters never win, and winners never quit talking about how they won.”
If winners never quit, and quitters never win, what idiot came up with "quit while you're ahead"?
“Life is hard, but it’s even harder if you’re stupid.”
I'd say it's the opposite. When you're highly educated no one believes you because everyone else cannot and/or will not accept the facts. You go around life able to see the stupid in the world and able to see how power and smarts don't always correlate.
“I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.” - Jane Austen
“Dare to soar – with enough hot air, even losers like you can fly.”
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. (Steven Wright)
“You are a child of the universe. Problem is, the universe is a deadbeat dad.”
“Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.” - Benjamin Franklin Wade
“You’re only as cheap as your most recent inspirational quote.”
“Dare to be different because there’s always room for another annoying non-conformist like you on the unemployment line.”
“Happiness is just sadness that hasn’t happened yet.”
Wait a second, this is just "success is just failure that hasn't happened yet" with a different coat of paint
“Expectations – refuse to accept anything but the very best and you are never going to last around here.”
“Today will be a day like every other day.”
For some reason, I thought of a "popular song." I think it kind of went like: "Today, is gonna be the day, is gonna be the day to you. Somehow, I should have somehow, realized what I somehow do. I don't believe that anybody, believe the way I do, about Somehow." - Neil Cicirega, maybe?
“It is what it is. And it’s not good.”
“Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted.”
I don't think I'd call this one demotivational. I was gonna argue until I realized it's specifically calling out regret. Also a good reminder to make better long-term choices.
“Flattery – if you want to get to the top, prepare to kiss a lot of the bottom.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your text. It’s just that I don’t care about your feelings.”
“Because there’s nothing standing between you and your goal but a total lack of talent and complete failure of will.”
“The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families.” - Jay McInerney
“You miss 100% of the shots you do take also.”
“Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some wind up like you.”
“Today I want you to be the best ‘you’ that you can possibly be, which isn’t asking for much.”
“Just imagine how terrible it might have been if we’d been at all competent.” - Terry Pratchett
“Life is a series of things we would rather not to.” – Joe Abercrombie
“Your life only goes up so you can fall from a new height.”
The closer you are to the top the more people there are who want to take your place.
“Be afraid to depend on others when you need to!”
“Be the bridge – that way we can walk all over you on your way to better places.”
" To be a leader, first be a bridge" actually comes from Welsh mythology where the giant king lay down so his armies could walk across him - using him as a bridge and riding to success. So the point is metaphorically or literally - if you are a great leader it doesn't matter if people walk all over you, what matters is your guys get where they need to. To be fair, not many people know much Welsh mythology.
“Life is only logical, and to think it’s a gift is depressing.”
“Distinction – looking sharp is easy when you haven’t done any work.”
A knight in shining armor has spent more time polishing their armor than earning it.
“Whoever sang, ‘Ooh-ooh, child things are gonna get easier’ was laying to that child.”
Failure is a good thing in the grand scheme of things. Without failures in some form there would be no evolution and we would not exist. Here is a story of a good one: Alexander Fleming was doing research on ways to cure disease. He failed over and over again. He used petri dishes to spread and grow bacteria on them and study the reactions. After each try (and failure) the dishes would be cleaned and completely sterilized and he would try again. He left the cleaning to one of his subordinates. He placed a new batch into an incubator and left for holiday. When he came back and inspected them he was disappointed. (pissed off!) The petris hadn't been cleaned and sanitized properly and they were covered with mold. He was tossing them out when he noticed something. Where the mold grew, the bacteria did not. This was how penicillin was discovered. This particular f**k up has saved millions of lives.
One of my favs: I tried to keep an open mind, and all my brains fell out.
Failure is a good thing in the grand scheme of things. Without failures in some form there would be no evolution and we would not exist. Here is a story of a good one: Alexander Fleming was doing research on ways to cure disease. He failed over and over again. He used petri dishes to spread and grow bacteria on them and study the reactions. After each try (and failure) the dishes would be cleaned and completely sterilized and he would try again. He left the cleaning to one of his subordinates. He placed a new batch into an incubator and left for holiday. When he came back and inspected them he was disappointed. (pissed off!) The petris hadn't been cleaned and sanitized properly and they were covered with mold. He was tossing them out when he noticed something. Where the mold grew, the bacteria did not. This was how penicillin was discovered. This particular f**k up has saved millions of lives.
One of my favs: I tried to keep an open mind, and all my brains fell out.
