Shook the waiter's hand when he was gesturing for me to hand him the menu.
Never recovered.

I once asked a woman if I could pet her baby.

Knew someone who had cancer, they were talking to me about a big procedure and I was listening intently, nodding and giving responses. I even said "thank you so much for telling me it means a lot that you'd talk to me about something like this". ... They were on the phone with someone else! It went on for five minutes before I realized.

Worked at a gas station, guy comes in and says "I'm at pump 8, can I get some gas?" And I say "would you like that in a cup or a cone?" Idk what I was on.

I was at a red light and as the light turned green several more cars kept going thru the light. I started honking my horn and cursing at the cars and I started edging up to go because they just kept coming thru and finally someone yelled "it's a funeral procession [jerk]!!!".

One time at the cashier I was asked if I wanted the items double or single bagged. But I thought I heard "Are you single?" So, I confidently was like, "Im sorry, Im married" Showing my wedding ring. And the dude was like, "noooo.. noooo.. I asked if you want it single or double bagged." I wanted to disappear. I awkwardly laughed while I paid and left.

Someone knocked on the bathroom stall, I panicked and said "come in" and THEY DID.

Walked into a room of people praying silently, didn't realize they were praying so I shouted "geez why is it so depressing in here?"

I'm a waitress... typically as soon as the table sets I bring chips & salsa along with a hot soup !! There was a toddler about 2 years old sitting on the edge with her high chair!

Soooo as I was placing down the things I covered the soups and said "ohh be careful, I don't want her accidentally putting her hand in."

They all look at each other & as I look for the baby's hands, she had no arms.😭😭😭😭

I answered several questions with full confidence not knowing that person was on a phone call talking to someone else.

The cashier told me to "have a good day" but i had my headphones on and thought she said "do you need a receipt" so i said "no thank you" and she just said " oh ok."

After a job interview the manager said "lovely meeting you" and I answered "love you too".

Started going “woo” during a theater meeting cuz someone else was… turns out those were involuntary ticks I was mimicking.

I was buying a slushie that was 3.28 dollars and I gave him 3. He said "you need 28 more cents" but I thought he said you have an extra 28 cents so I said "oh no that's okay" and he was like "you still have to pay..."

Not me but a coworker. I work at Chick-Fil-A and I was working with a new guy who was being trained with my friend. The new guy kept on trying to make sure he said "my pleasure" and "they'll have your food at the window" but once he messed up and said "they'll pleasure you at the window." I couldn't stop laughing the whole shift.