Having a good comeback to anything is a skill that doesn’t come easy to some people. At least to me anyway. Sometimes I wish a spider would bite me, and I would magically turn into a master of quick and witty remarks. Which, let’s be honest, would probably up my quality of life only slightly.
However, some folks are naturally born this way. Luckily for us, they occasionally put their superpowers to noble use by shutting down online absurdity. Today, we have an impressive collection of some of the best savage comebacks that might inspire you to sharpen your wits and get your keyboard ready to fight some internet trolls.
This post may include affiliate links.
Shots Fired, Two Men Down
Hear hear, my dude! It's embarrassing as heck being an American. I can only hope people with the same sentiments like you and I aren't lumped up with the douchecanoe asshats that regretfully live here -_-
Load More Replies...
Geez, I’m sorry Americans but it’s super hard to argue against any of this. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for jeans, Coke, rock n roll, burgers, pizza (yeh, it’s yours), and making a massive difference in WW2, but sheesh guys you’ve let the wheels fall right off in the past two decades
It started with Ronald Reagan And his trickle down ecocomy. There is no longer money for the US citizens and their needs, it's all for the billionaires.
Load More Replies...
One of the best things about the internet and then social media: that the america is the greatest country ever bubble is bursting. They have tricked half of the country to be mad at the ones who want bare minimum of other nations to improve the standard of living for everyone instead of being upset and fixing the system that has got us here. Universal healthcare, education, livable wages, paid leave, unions, and so much more already work in many other countries that have the same corporations that tell us not to raise minimum wage bc burgers will be $100.
*is* bursting? My friend, that bubble burst quite some time ago.
Load More Replies...
So many Americans (I am an American) fail to read the words that begin the 2nd Amendment. It starts "A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State..." These gun nuts believe that the 2nd Amendment gives them the right to own any firearm they choose, completely forgetting the well regulated statement beginning the amendment. Most of them operate without any regulation at all. And they scare me.
I do think that a lot of us cannot read, or cannot comprehend what we are reading. Underpaid teachers, underfunded schools, education is NOT a priority in the US, unfortunately.
Load More Replies...
I feel so so sorry for the millions of decent, kind, clever, compassionate etc Americans. We do love and admire you. We do know the imbeciles are a just a very loud minority. Please do not let them drag or keep you down anymore!
That's really nice, thank you. I would move if I could afford it.
Load More Replies...
If someone blows snot bubbles over the 2nd, my reply is "so...you want to say there is NO difference between 1780 and now?..fine...turn in every gun you have, and you will be given what was available when the 2nd was written...a muzzleloader"
“Ninety percent of Americans, regardless of political leanings, support universal background checks. Seventy percent of NRA members believe in them. The majority of us also believe that no citizen should own assault rifles or have access to high-capacity magazines – the weapons and ammunition involved in most mass shootings.” – Thomas Gabor and Fred Guttenberg, “American Carnage”
“For over twenty years, Congress kept the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) from funding research on firearms through the Dickey Amendment, which threatened the CDC's funding. This provision prohibits the use of federal funds to advocate or promote gun control. The amendment, introduced by Congressional Republicans, followed lobbying by the National Rifle Association, which was becoming increasingly concerned about research that was showing that guns in the home increased the risk of a homicide. Sepsis, a potentially life-threatening condition caused by the body's response to an infection, kills the same number of people each year as gunfire, but receives 100 times the funding.”– Thomas Gabor and Fred Guttenberg, “American Carnage”
As a young american, I am terrified for what the future holds. I applaud this comment.
Then stand up and act. Become active in this process. It needs more young people, because it´s your future anyway, not the one of this old, white guys with a mindset from the 20th century. But you can decide if you let THEM decide how to plan your future. Get up and fight!
Load More Replies...
“The aggressive promotion of armed self-defense that began in the 1980s was a response by the gun industry and lobby groups to declining sales stemming from a decline in shooting sports, urbanization, and the changing composition of the US population. These groups have been selling the need for self-protection from crime, social unrest, and government tyranny. This is a very dangerous turn for gun groups, one that is fueling divisions in our society. The use of fear tactics to sell firearms is radicalizing guns rights supporters and leading to a narrative that guns are the only thing standing in the way of tyranny or a takeover by groups hostile to the 'American' way of life.” – Thomas Gabor and Fred Guttenberg, “American Carnage”
Went skiing in Oslo for new years. Met a bartender who said my country (America) was an empire on the decline. His co-worker tried to make him apologize but I told her he was right.
As a European I do not think that the US is a whole s**t show. But as always, the one that cries loudest will be heard as many voices, whence the hard working, decent and quiet people will often be overheard. Just try to teach and educate more about what´s going on outside of your country better and more. You have had influenced so many cultures and countries (willingly or not) with your achievements. It´s maybe hard sometimes to make it conscious that the world is more than oneself, when living in a country as big as yours and with largely any borders. There are lot´s of opportunities in possible changes of parts of the system. Starting with more communal sense , "free" healthcare and better social secure systems doesn´t make you a communist. That´s a trap that many Americans seem to fall into, instrumented by protagonists and beneficiants of an untamed capitalism, that supports few by the sacrifices of the masses and by destroying the base of what our life depends on.
Load More Replies...
This hurts because it's true. I am so ashamed of my country. We need to be looking to other countries as an example. We used to be this great country that people wanted to come to and live the American dream, or at least that's what we're taught to believe in school...
No need to be ashamed, people like you are the proof that you can do better anyway!
Load More Replies...
America does NOT look good to this particular American. I find the American racism, misogynism, homophobia, xenophobia
...and I could go on. I find these less-than-savory facts about the US to be disgusting. Add to that the rampant greed, the political party that relishes its cruelty, the selfishness, the lack of discipline....these are a few of my LEAST-favorite things.
Load More Replies...
As a Canadian, I think America shouldn't have big bills after a near-death experience, then there's no point in living. TRUST ME TAXES ARE BETTER THAN DEBT!!!
I wouldn't call the whole country a sh*tbox. The country isn't the ones who f*ck it all up, the few dozen politicians and their ultra-rich sponsors that we all love to hate. It's not the few hundred extremists who are looking for a strong Führer to make America 'Great' again. It's the 300.000.000 other people who are just like you and me and who don't attract attention because they want to live a quiet and peaceful life. Greetings from Germany, where things aren't that rosy, also. At least you won't be denied any sense of humor for no reason at all. ;)
I agree with most of this, but it has to be at least half of this 300.000.000 million people, that held the stirrups for one like Trump to heave his wobbly a** into the saddle. Use your brains more and better next time in November!! Not only your countries fate will feel the impact of your choices. Thank you and all the best!
Load More Replies...
I don't understand how you got a downvote, oh, wait a minute, I know. it was a 'murican
Load More Replies...
Woohoo what a phenomenal response ❤️ It's beyond shocking what is being done to women about reproductive rights and autonomy 😔
Confession: I am an American. One of the things I most despise about the country in which I was born is the overt racism. And the ONLY reason the 'right to bear arms' is in the Bill of Rights is because of ...you guessed it...racism. the Founding Father's knew that they needed the support of southern, slave-owning, states to break away from England. Slave owners wanted their guns so that they could hunt down runaway slaves, or use gun to put down a slave uprising. People also gloss right over the first phrase of that amendment: 'In order to form a WELL-REGULATED militia," The complete insanity of gun ownership in the US is the farthest thing from 'well-regulated' as is possible to be.
The right to bear arms was originally intended so that if the government became corrupt, we could rise up against it. I’d say the government has many more ways they could kill us now, so it’s pretty useless except for hunting. And removing firearms altogether wouldn’t work because we already have so many of them, and the criminals wouldn’t turn in theirs, and it’d make it even more dangerous.
Does it really? Countries with strict gun control seem to be safer despite criminals there also having guns
Load More Replies...
I don't understand how you got a downvote, oh, wait a minute, I know. it was a 'murican
Load More Replies...
Doesn't look good to all americans...I lose a little more faith everyday :(
So true. Its unbelievable how Americans think the US is the greatest country. We used to laugh about it, now we just feel sorry for you. And they still believe in a man in the sky!
To many of us Americans it is pretty terrible too. We'd like to make it better, but that is really difficult.
And modern guns are much more dangerous than they used to be.
If I had a marketable skill/formal training and wasn't in debt up to my armpits I'd be out of here already...
Confession...I am American. There are so damned many things wrong with this country that it makes me absolutely ill. The myth of American excepionalidm is just that, a myth.
Even as an american, it's all a load of c r a p. This, this right here- *Edit- spaces*
I live here I'm USA and I agree with the commenter. USA have a lot of freedom for its citizens, but there are a lot of problems in the USA also.
You're fighting them with facts? That's not going to work. Only when someone experiences the consequences of our social decisions, will they compare our stated goals versus our actual accomplishments, and question if we are on the correct path.
doesn't even look good to americans with more than two brain cells to rub together!
You are so right...we are an embarrassment. But California has the best weather year round, so here I stay.
Speaking as an American, I have to agree completely. We have collectively lost our minds. I am too old to emigrate, though, unfortunately.
Let's clarify something, Calling the police gets one killed- it's not the police that do the killing.
I take issue with this: "If your [sic] anything but white, calling the police can get you killed." In truth, calling the police can get you killed, regardless. A white man is 20x more likely to be killed by the police than a black woman. The vast majority of people killed by police are men. Over half are white (but disproportionately black). The vast majority make < 20K. If there is bias, it is mainly against men and poor people. Just remember that small 13yo autistic white boy who was shot multiple times just a couple of months after George Floyd was murdered? His Mom had called for help when he had a meltdown the day she was returning to work after COVID lockdowns. Very shortly after police arrived, they shot him multiple times, saying they thought he had a weapon. (No weapon was found.) You don't remember it, you say? THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU DON'T REMEMBER IT.
We've had that same situation right here near Denver, Christian Glass. Don't forget Elijah McClain, killed by a ketamine shot after being taken down by Aurora cops for doing nothing but being black and wearing a mask.
Load More Replies...
And what gives you the right to criticize a country you don't even live in? Does your country even have a Constitution? There are millions of gun owners in America who have never committed a crime. So guns are not the problem, criminals are the problem.
The rest of the world laughed when Chump was elected but it's slowly turned to fear for Americans. Land of the free my backside; one of the most regulated countries in the world. Some of you can't even paint your front door the colour of your choice.
The whole "land of the free" makes ma laugh too- it's not even in the top 10 countries in terms of "freedoms"
Castles were an effective defense in the 1700s? I mean you're right about the rest. But castles haven't been a thing since the 1600s at least. Am I being petty? Missing the point? Maybe...
It doesn’t even look that good to the half the Americans
When I lived in Europe in the 80s Americans were called "stupid Americans".
Yeah but we gave the world McDonald's and cheez whiz so you're welcome!
As an American, I think we need to stop interfering in the rest of the world. Just stop sending ANY money anywhere but to take care of Americans in America. It would DEFINITELY make things better. Close all military bases and pull ALL troops home, because...as you say...we are a joke...
Yes, and we could start by not giving billions of dollars in taxpayer money to fund a genocide in the middle east. Another very black mark against our country.
Load More Replies... 
1. Abortion IS illegal in many states. It should be safe, available, and legal EVERYWHERE, in every state. 2. MANY people go without healthcare, and you are being willfully ignorant at this point, if you deny it. My father-in-law died from heart problems, because it was cheaper for him to just die, rather than put himself or his wife in debt. 3. Shelters all over the country are often over-filled and under-funded. Government won't address the homeless issue, and why? There's no profit in it. 4. I went to a flea market in Oklahoma, where a man was selling guns...to ANYONE who had money. No ID check, nothing. Yes, ANYONE can get a f*****g gun in this country, and right now, there are more guns than people. 5. Biden was ready to sign legislation to address the border, and guess who killed it? The Republicans! Why? Because Trump didn't want Biden to "have a win". This country is in trouble. Planting your head in your a$$ won't help to solve the problems.
Load More Replies...
You do not speak for all Americans. I don't understand why some Americans can't even entertain the notion that we could actually learn from other countries. To look at them and say, "yeah, they seem to be doing this better", or ask the harder questions of why our government has, and continues to, fail the population so terribly.
Load More Replies...
Half of the countries only need it because you destabilised their government in pursuit of imperial conquest
Load More Replies... 
Just because their country is worse doesn't make your country the utopia you sell it as.
Load More Replies... Because it can be incredibly difficult to become a citizen of another country, not to mention the expense. In the absence of those two hurdles, I can almost guarantee a good number of people would leave. Beyond that, there are also people who stay because they want to help right the wrongs, and make it a better place for future generations.
Load More Replies... 
It's so sad to see someone sundowning like this. Okay meemaw, go inside the home and take your medicine and it'll all be better in the morning.
Load More Replies...Find A Different Career
Deutscher Patriotismus vs. American Patriotism
If you ever suffered from “l’esprit de l’escalier” or "the wit of the staircase," that is, thinking of a comeback once you’ve reached the stairwell of your home, don’t worry; experts have several tips that can help with that.
They emphasize that in order to have a witty answer, timing is everything. This means that your remark should be as fast as the words that took you by surprise. The key to doing that is honing your listening skills so that you can essentially respond at lightning speed.
Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile
A Very Important Point
It's Never Just About A Cake
What's done in the name of Christianity by people calling themselves Christian is truly heartbreaking
Luckily, people tend to think faster than others speak, giving the hearer additional time to come up with a reply, even though they might look as if they are still listening. This is especially handy when a conversation turns sour and someone needs to defend themselves.
Such a skill can definitely be improved with practice. One strategy for better listening skills is playing a game of one-word volleyball, where two people are telling a story by quickly taking turns and adding words to what the other said before them. The simple exercise forces players to be less focused on what they are going to say and instead helps them listen and respond to others spontaneously.
Sarah Has Been Reported Dead
I'm Gonna Take The Surgeon's Side On This One
Now Sit Down, Stefan
Belina Raffy, the CEO of Maffick, who often uses improv skills in business, adds that not overthinking the situation is key. “You’re taking yourself out of unfolding reality if you think too much,” she told Mental Floss. It’s important to be in the moment and to deliver an answer that is relevant in the instant. After all, a comeback that is off-topic most likely won’t be effective or amusing.
"Educate Your Self"
Who Doesn't Love Irony?
and then they do terrorist attacks yelling " in the name of nooothiiiing "
Yes, The Answer Is Yes
The guy with the turban is most likely Sikh, not Muslim. He’s also sick of your c**p.
In addition, if you find yourself thinking about the reply too much, chances are you may end up saying nothing at all. Meanwhile, putting too much pressure on yourself can make your mind go blank, similar to a fight-or-flight situation. In a quick and witty comeback, this is the opposite effect you want to achieve, so try not to take it so seriously and just let your personality shine through.
Disabled Parking Should Only Be Valid During Business Hours 9 To 5
This Belongs Here
That Backfired
Something else that might help with quick-wittedness is expanding your knowledge, whether that’s learning new things or techniques from your comedy heroes. For this, you may want to watch some comedy specials or your favorite sitcoms. It’s not necessarily about memorizing certain lines or imitating them, but picking up certain subtleties like amusing observations or timing.
Due For Some Good Luck Eventually
Women Aren't People, Apparently
Love Andy Murray. Always leading the charge for women. Great guy.
The Fact That He Never Removed The Post Surprises Me
Even if you wish to pass certain comebacks as your own, there’s no shame in doing that. Winston Churchill, who was famous for them, has borrowed a lot of them. One of his well-known lines was in response to politician Bessie Braddock’s remark, “Sir, you are drunk.” The PM replied, “And you, Bessie, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning, and you will still be ugly.”
On A Comment Thread About UPS And USPS Workers
Well, When You Put It That Way
Cut The S**t Lady. You Chose The Bathroom
This iconic phrase was copied from American actor and comedian W.C. Fields. Despite this, it took quick thinking to recall and adapt the quote in the moment, which is why Churchill was considered a master of timing. “It was an off-the-cuff recall of something he had synthesized, composed earlier, and that he was waiting to perform,” Tim Riley, director and chief curator at the National Churchill Museum, said.
I Proudly Served In The Gay Wars Of '07
You Dense Mother ---!
Columbus Day
Lastly, as with any skill, practice is what makes one improve. For a quick-wit exercise, Hack Spirit recommends trying to make a mental note of something you’ve heard a person say during the day. Then set a timer for 5 minutes and try to come up with as many witty things as you can during that time. Some of them might not be that good yet, and that’s totally fine. The activity is all about training your brain, and over time, you will get better.
This Guy Wants All The Cake
Your Bigotry Is Showing
This is exactly what most sane people want. People with different cultures, beliefs, sexual preferences, styles etc etc, getting along and don't fight. Respect, understanding and honor are rare, but hopefully it will be common in the future.
Apparently, It's Impossible For Women To Be Smart And Beautiful At The Same Time
In The Interests Of Public Safety
This always astonishes me (sorry for my English) I mean boys also have shoulders??? But if they show them nothing happens
M*rdered By Kindness
My Christian granny read the koran because according to her, she wanted to know how others interpreted it
If He Were Here He'd Consume These Morons With Fireballs From His Eyes And Bolts Of Lightning From His Arse
The Best Putdowns Come From The Truth
Dammit George!
Pride month, lots of colours all over the place, crazy decorations, weird and wonderful people coming out and enjoying themselves, what's not to like?
Grandmothers Are Overrated
$10 To Clean The Bathroom?!
The Media Makes It To Be A Feel Good Story Over A Dystopian Nightmare
That’s A Stupid Reason To Ban Transgender People
mmmmhhhh, nice d**k, can I ..... yeah we're surrounded you're right, i forgot
See Ya, Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya
We have more guns in private ownership than at any time in our history. We only restrict what type of guns people can have, have strong requirements for how those guns are stored, and don't allow people who can't pass a background and psychological check to own them. We also don't fetishise guns. They're a tool for doing a thing, nothing more.
Waddaya Say, Then?
Room Temperature Iq Is My New Favourite Insult
Yellow Tape Around Her Body It's A Homicide
failure of obamacare ? where ? when ? you mean the fakenews from kolonel Von Shitzpantz before killing it
Anti Vaxxer Pretends To Be Educated
How the f**k do vaccines *weaken* your immune system??? That's like the exact opposite of how they actually do work. Huh?????????
I Love It
The only place I expect a doctor to be a medical doctor and anyone else to say they're not a medical doctor is in a f*****g hospital.
Pray Away The Gay
I went to a conversion camp when I was 19! It was a load of b******t but on the upside, I slept with half a dozen men which was great fun. I'm still gay by the way, it had the opposite outcome they were wanting.
I Love Arnold's Wholesome M*rders
Mmm Spicy
Pot, Meet Kettle
Bit Of A Stretch
Girls Have Ankles Too
Don't B Confused
Homeless charities supply phones to people, because they understand (unlike fückwit above) that it's barely possible to survive without a phone these days if you have a home, impossible if you don't.
Tomi Lahren
Note: this post originally had 66 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
This whole list has been on BP before. Fortunately most are still amusing
Stop blanking out the names of these dolts! We have a RIGHT to know who they are so we can celebrate them for the forward thinking individuals they truly are, lol.
Earlier, the mentally deranged and challenged were put in homes and watched over carefully by competent personell. Now they have their own country with unlimited guns and d***s and unchecked global power.
it doesn't matter some of these have been posted here in various lists - most of them are universal enough to grant the topic a forever pinned status with new ones added (eg in the comments or new instalments)
I’m so tired of reading hate against the United States. Not because I disagree but because I’ve always agreed, never been patriotic, but it just breaks my heart that this country gets so so much wrong and I watch my loved ones have to suffer by its poor management. And the hating on Americans is so unhelpful. I get that there’s a loud minority that are incredibly obnoxious and inspire vitriol. But most of us are not like that and suffer under our government. Why hate on us when there’s little we can do? And to say look who we elected? We literally didn’t. The popular vote was not for Trump, but our messed up electoral system still put him in office.
This article isn't about the US, it just contains a lot of American extremists who have been given power by the messed up system that elected Trump. I upvoted you because your statement doesn't say anything offensive and doesn't deserve that downvote.
Load More Replies... 
This whole list has been on BP before. Fortunately most are still amusing
Stop blanking out the names of these dolts! We have a RIGHT to know who they are so we can celebrate them for the forward thinking individuals they truly are, lol.
Earlier, the mentally deranged and challenged were put in homes and watched over carefully by competent personell. Now they have their own country with unlimited guns and d***s and unchecked global power.
it doesn't matter some of these have been posted here in various lists - most of them are universal enough to grant the topic a forever pinned status with new ones added (eg in the comments or new instalments)
I’m so tired of reading hate against the United States. Not because I disagree but because I’ve always agreed, never been patriotic, but it just breaks my heart that this country gets so so much wrong and I watch my loved ones have to suffer by its poor management. And the hating on Americans is so unhelpful. I get that there’s a loud minority that are incredibly obnoxious and inspire vitriol. But most of us are not like that and suffer under our government. Why hate on us when there’s little we can do? And to say look who we elected? We literally didn’t. The popular vote was not for Trump, but our messed up electoral system still put him in office.
This article isn't about the US, it just contains a lot of American extremists who have been given power by the messed up system that elected Trump. I upvoted you because your statement doesn't say anything offensive and doesn't deserve that downvote.
Load More Replies... 