Having a good comeback to anything is a skill that doesn’t come easy to some people. At least to me anyway. Sometimes I wish a spider would bite me, and I would magically turn into a master of quick and witty remarks. Which, let’s be honest, would probably up my quality of life only slightly.
However, some folks are naturally born this way. Luckily for us, they occasionally put their superpowers to noble use by shutting down online absurdity. Today, we have an impressive collection of some of the best savage comebacks that might inspire you to sharpen your wits and get your keyboard ready to fight some internet trolls.
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Shots Fired, Two Men Down
Find A Different Career
Deutscher Patriotismus vs. American Patriotism
If you ever suffered from “l’esprit de l’escalier” or "the wit of the staircase," that is, thinking of a comeback once you’ve reached the stairwell of your home, don’t worry; experts have several tips that can help with that.
They emphasize that in order to have a witty answer, timing is everything. This means that your remark should be as fast as the words that took you by surprise. The key to doing that is honing your listening skills so that you can essentially respond at lightning speed.
Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile
A Very Important Point
It's Never Just About A Cake
What's done in the name of Christianity by people calling themselves Christian is truly heartbreaking
Luckily, people tend to think faster than others speak, giving the hearer additional time to come up with a reply, even though they might look as if they are still listening. This is especially handy when a conversation turns sour and someone needs to defend themselves.
Such a skill can definitely be improved with practice. One strategy for better listening skills is playing a game of one-word volleyball, where two people are telling a story by quickly taking turns and adding words to what the other said before them. The simple exercise forces players to be less focused on what they are going to say and instead helps them listen and respond to others spontaneously.
Sarah Has Been Reported Dead
I'm Gonna Take The Surgeon's Side On This One
I had to look up what "gimp' means in this context and now I really wish I had done that on my phone and not my work computer. xD
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As someone with asthma, there are places I go that trigger breathing issues. When we started wearing masks, I realized how great they are for preventing asthma in places that would trigger breathing issues. I'm wearing my mask certain places, including outside when the pollen covers your car.
Proud mask wearer before it became a Culture War for just this reason, to block my triggers. Profoundly helpful, I even use the kn95 and kf94, they are just fine and are regulated by their governments, they do not want their ppl dying si they are not producing low quality masks. When the pollen is high I even sleep in one. I don't have to use as much medicine this way and it lessens my migraine attacks. I'm congested all the time, so these ppl refusing to wear a mask are full of c**p
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To be honest, I did have problems breathing with an FFP2 mask. But I am obese and suffer from very bad iron deficiency so getting in enough oxygen is a challenge at the best of times. Still I wore it whenever I needed to, even though I really did suffer.
I has breathing issues wearing one but I just got on with it. As long as I could take breaks to remove it outside, I did OK.
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Try using mask 8 hours in the steaming hot kitchen and then additional hour and half two times while commuting. And still we had much easier time than the aforementioned surgeons, who do incredible precise work with no chance for errors.
Yes , and wearing a FFP2 mask for hours straight while we cared for your relatives was fun. And yes I considered myself lucky to have had one of those.
I have to wonder how many who were on their death bed wondered if maybe they hadn't attended that COVID CARNIVAL....they wouldn't be in the ICU right now.
Load More Replies... Hey I have a crazy idea if you have respiratory issues so bad a mask puts you at risk of suffocation you shouldn't have gone outside in the middle of a pandemic that specifically causes extreme problems in people with a weakened respiratory system. Just a thought.
Why blur the names? The person who posted the original post is Bill Mitchell, a HUGE Trump supporter.
And I'm pretty sure the response was Soledad O'Brien, who I'm sure wouldn't object to having her name associated with her answer
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Did... Did he bunch the mask into a ball and shove it down his throat? Then I could understand trouble breathing.
I had trouble breathing sometimes, but ONLY because a side affect of a medication slows my breathing. At an appointment for a procedure that required me wear a pulse ox monitor, my nurse noticed that after 15 minutes, my pulse ox kept going down. So you know what I did...I just avoided doing anything that required me to wear my mask longer than a few hours (how long it took before it got close to a level where I would require assisted oxygen. My nurse said he did the same thing to everyone who made the claim. He said he had people who DID have assisted oxygen claiming they couldn't breathe...🤦♀️
I'm a little confused. So, you're saying since a small group of people can do it...then all people can do it. Kinda like saying I try to dead lift 400 lbs and I just can't do it. The body builder who lifts all the time thinks maybe you're lying and also a drama queen. What about people with upper respiratory medical issues. This is apples and oranges...
Like the lame militias here in the states the Pboys and Oafkeepers. Meltdowns over mask mandates YET go out every single time, hiding behind... you guessed it, masks. Those same people who cried for ALL of 2020 also attacked the capitol in those very freedom stealing face hiders. Militia gaiter? FREEDOM! Medical Mask? COMMUNIST!
"I put on a mask..." Typical shitforbrains comment from a covid conspiracy, anti mask, anti vax bastard. Where did these people come from?
Crying, startled the cat with my guffaw and am shaking with laughter so much I can hardly type this.
I agree. Have fun finding acting jobs, as you're so good at drama!
I love the comments as they appear, but on a second look, noted the response was dated before the op comment or am I really missing something?
Wore one 6-8 hours a day in the OR. I have asthma and COPD. Wasn't on oxygen 24/7 until after I retired.
I never had an issue breathing, but I did have problems with the back of my ears getting raw from the straps.
Well, I wouldn't say it is lying, but surely is a drama queen. I mean we are not used to wearing a mask and breathing in those feels abnormal so it may be "struggling" albeit I'm sure they are exagerrating it.
Height of Covid, I was at the pharmacy and some lady wasn't wearing a mask. Made some comments because I had to bring stuff to my parents afterwards. She claimed she had TWO DOCTORATES. While standing in a pharmacy at 1pm wearing an outfit for what looked like the third day. All I could say is "bokay, double doctor" and give her a wide berth, but I very nicely begged the pharmacist to make sure that the sign for mask wearing was followed please please please.
But: I es one of said surgeons, not having an ounce of problems. But the face masks they sold during covid made my skin break and get infected, plus I got a tight chest. I cannot explain this, but I guess they were not the same products
A lot of boxes of masks that looked the same actually had warnings about not being surgical grade, so yeah, I think they were using different materials, or at least not up to par.
Load More Replies... 1, objectively untrue. 2, prevention of getting it yourself was not the point of masking up, it was to protect others in case you were an asymptomatic carrier.
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That is ONE reason, yes. But also to prevent transferring germs that are not in bodily fluids. But, you know what, that germy, microscopic spit when you talk is considered bodily liquids.
Load More Replies...Now Sit Down, Stefan
Belina Raffy, the CEO of Maffick, who often uses improv skills in business, adds that not overthinking the situation is key. “You’re taking yourself out of unfolding reality if you think too much,” she told Mental Floss. It’s important to be in the moment and to deliver an answer that is relevant in the instant. After all, a comeback that is off-topic most likely won’t be effective or amusing.
"Educate Your Self"
Who Doesn't Love Irony?
and then they do terrorist attacks yelling " in the name of nooothiiiing "
Yes, The Answer Is Yes
The guy with the turban is most likely Sikh, not Muslim. He’s also sick of your c**p.
In addition, if you find yourself thinking about the reply too much, chances are you may end up saying nothing at all. Meanwhile, putting too much pressure on yourself can make your mind go blank, similar to a fight-or-flight situation. In a quick and witty comeback, this is the opposite effect you want to achieve, so try not to take it so seriously and just let your personality shine through.
Disabled Parking Should Only Be Valid During Business Hours 9 To 5
This Belongs Here
That Backfired
Something else that might help with quick-wittedness is expanding your knowledge, whether that’s learning new things or techniques from your comedy heroes. For this, you may want to watch some comedy specials or your favorite sitcoms. It’s not necessarily about memorizing certain lines or imitating them, but picking up certain subtleties like amusing observations or timing.
Due For Some Good Luck Eventually
Women Aren't People, Apparently
Love Andy Murray. Always leading the charge for women. Great guy.
The Fact That He Never Removed The Post Surprises Me
Even if you wish to pass certain comebacks as your own, there’s no shame in doing that. Winston Churchill, who was famous for them, has borrowed a lot of them. One of his well-known lines was in response to politician Bessie Braddock’s remark, “Sir, you are drunk.” The PM replied, “And you, Bessie, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning, and you will still be ugly.”
On A Comment Thread About UPS And USPS Workers
Well, When You Put It That Way
Cut The S**t Lady. You Chose The Bathroom
This iconic phrase was copied from American actor and comedian W.C. Fields. Despite this, it took quick thinking to recall and adapt the quote in the moment, which is why Churchill was considered a master of timing. “It was an off-the-cuff recall of something he had synthesized, composed earlier, and that he was waiting to perform,” Tim Riley, director and chief curator at the National Churchill Museum, said.
I Proudly Served In The Gay Wars Of '07
You Dense Mother ---!
Columbus Day
Lastly, as with any skill, practice is what makes one improve. For a quick-wit exercise, Hack Spirit recommends trying to make a mental note of something you’ve heard a person say during the day. Then set a timer for 5 minutes and try to come up with as many witty things as you can during that time. Some of them might not be that good yet, and that’s totally fine. The activity is all about training your brain, and over time, you will get better.
This Guy Wants All The Cake
Your Bigotry Is Showing
This is exactly what most sane people want. People with different cultures, beliefs, sexual preferences, styles etc etc, getting along and don't fight. Respect, understanding and honor are rare, but hopefully it will be common in the future.
Apparently, It's Impossible For Women To Be Smart And Beautiful At The Same Time
In The Interests Of Public Safety
This always astonishes me (sorry for my English) I mean boys also have shoulders??? But if they show them nothing happens
M*rdered By Kindness
My Christian granny read the koran because according to her, she wanted to know how others interpreted it
If He Were Here He'd Consume These Morons With Fireballs From His Eyes And Bolts Of Lightning From His Arse
The Best Putdowns Come From The Truth
Dammit George!
Pride month, lots of colours all over the place, crazy decorations, weird and wonderful people coming out and enjoying themselves, what's not to like?
Grandmothers Are Overrated
$10 To Clean The Bathroom?!
The Media Makes It To Be A Feel Good Story Over A Dystopian Nightmare
That’s A Stupid Reason To Ban Transgender People
mmmmhhhh, nice d**k, can I ..... yeah we're surrounded you're right, i forgot
See Ya, Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya
We have more guns in private ownership than at any time in our history. We only restrict what type of guns people can have, have strong requirements for how those guns are stored, and don't allow people who can't pass a background and psychological check to own them. We also don't fetishise guns. They're a tool for doing a thing, nothing more.
Waddaya Say, Then?
Room Temperature Iq Is My New Favourite Insult
Yellow Tape Around Her Body It's A Homicide
failure of obamacare ? where ? when ? you mean the fakenews from kolonel Von Shitzpantz before killing it
Anti Vaxxer Pretends To Be Educated
How the f**k do vaccines *weaken* your immune system??? That's like the exact opposite of how they actually do work. Huh?????????
I Love It
The only place I expect a doctor to be a medical doctor and anyone else to say they're not a medical doctor is in a f*****g hospital.
Pray Away The Gay
I went to a conversion camp when I was 19! It was a load of b******t but on the upside, I slept with half a dozen men which was great fun. I'm still gay by the way, it had the opposite outcome they were wanting.
I Love Arnold's Wholesome M*rders
Mmm Spicy
Pot, Meet Kettle
Bit Of A Stretch
Girls Have Ankles Too
Don't B Confused
Homeless charities supply phones to people, because they understand (unlike fückwit above) that it's barely possible to survive without a phone these days if you have a home, impossible if you don't.
Tomi Lahren
Note: this post originally had 66 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
This whole list has been on BP before. Fortunately most are still amusing
Stop blanking out the names of these dolts! We have a RIGHT to know who they are so we can celebrate them for the forward thinking individuals they truly are, lol.
Earlier, the mentally deranged and challenged were put in homes and watched over carefully by competent personell. Now they have their own country with unlimited guns and d***s and unchecked global power.
it doesn't matter some of these have been posted here in various lists - most of them are universal enough to grant the topic a forever pinned status with new ones added (eg in the comments or new instalments)
I’m so tired of reading hate against the United States. Not because I disagree but because I’ve always agreed, never been patriotic, but it just breaks my heart that this country gets so so much wrong and I watch my loved ones have to suffer by its poor management. And the hating on Americans is so unhelpful. I get that there’s a loud minority that are incredibly obnoxious and inspire vitriol. But most of us are not like that and suffer under our government. Why hate on us when there’s little we can do? And to say look who we elected? We literally didn’t. The popular vote was not for Trump, but our messed up electoral system still put him in office.
This article isn't about the US, it just contains a lot of American extremists who have been given power by the messed up system that elected Trump. I upvoted you because your statement doesn't say anything offensive and doesn't deserve that downvote.
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This whole list has been on BP before. Fortunately most are still amusing
Stop blanking out the names of these dolts! We have a RIGHT to know who they are so we can celebrate them for the forward thinking individuals they truly are, lol.
Earlier, the mentally deranged and challenged were put in homes and watched over carefully by competent personell. Now they have their own country with unlimited guns and d***s and unchecked global power.
it doesn't matter some of these have been posted here in various lists - most of them are universal enough to grant the topic a forever pinned status with new ones added (eg in the comments or new instalments)
I’m so tired of reading hate against the United States. Not because I disagree but because I’ve always agreed, never been patriotic, but it just breaks my heart that this country gets so so much wrong and I watch my loved ones have to suffer by its poor management. And the hating on Americans is so unhelpful. I get that there’s a loud minority that are incredibly obnoxious and inspire vitriol. But most of us are not like that and suffer under our government. Why hate on us when there’s little we can do? And to say look who we elected? We literally didn’t. The popular vote was not for Trump, but our messed up electoral system still put him in office.
This article isn't about the US, it just contains a lot of American extremists who have been given power by the messed up system that elected Trump. I upvoted you because your statement doesn't say anything offensive and doesn't deserve that downvote.
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