Having a good comeback to anything is a skill that doesn’t come easy to some people. At least to me anyway. Sometimes I wish a spider would bite me, and I would magically turn into a master of quick and witty remarks. Which, let’s be honest, would probably up my quality of life only slightly.
However, some folks are naturally born this way. Luckily for us, they occasionally put their superpowers to noble use by shutting down online absurdity. Today, we have an impressive collection of some of the best savage comebacks that might inspire you to sharpen your wits and get your keyboard ready to fight some internet trolls.
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Shots Fired, Two Men Down
Find A Different Career
Deutscher Patriotismus vs. American Patriotism
If you ever suffered from “l’esprit de l’escalier” or "the wit of the staircase," that is, thinking of a comeback once you’ve reached the stairwell of your home, don’t worry; experts have several tips that can help with that.
They emphasize that in order to have a witty answer, timing is everything. This means that your remark should be as fast as the words that took you by surprise. The key to doing that is honing your listening skills so that you can essentially respond at lightning speed.
Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile
A Very Important Point
It's Never Just About A Cake
What's done in the name of Christianity by people calling themselves Christian is truly heartbreaking
Luckily, people tend to think faster than others speak, giving the hearer additional time to come up with a reply, even though they might look as if they are still listening. This is especially handy when a conversation turns sour and someone needs to defend themselves.
Such a skill can definitely be improved with practice. One strategy for better listening skills is playing a game of one-word volleyball, where two people are telling a story by quickly taking turns and adding words to what the other said before them. The simple exercise forces players to be less focused on what they are going to say and instead helps them listen and respond to others spontaneously.
Sarah Has Been Reported Dead
I'm Gonna Take The Surgeon's Side On This One
Now Sit Down, Stefan
Belina Raffy, the CEO of Maffick, who often uses improv skills in business, adds that not overthinking the situation is key. “You’re taking yourself out of unfolding reality if you think too much,” she told Mental Floss. It’s important to be in the moment and to deliver an answer that is relevant in the instant. After all, a comeback that is off-topic most likely won’t be effective or amusing.
"Educate Your Self"
Who Doesn't Love Irony?
and then they do terrorist attacks yelling " in the name of nooothiiiing "
Yes, The Answer Is Yes
The guy with the turban is most likely Sikh, not Muslim. He’s also sick of your c**p.
In addition, if you find yourself thinking about the reply too much, chances are you may end up saying nothing at all. Meanwhile, putting too much pressure on yourself can make your mind go blank, similar to a fight-or-flight situation. In a quick and witty comeback, this is the opposite effect you want to achieve, so try not to take it so seriously and just let your personality shine through.
Disabled Parking Should Only Be Valid During Business Hours 9 To 5
This Belongs Here
That Backfired
Something else that might help with quick-wittedness is expanding your knowledge, whether that’s learning new things or techniques from your comedy heroes. For this, you may want to watch some comedy specials or your favorite sitcoms. It’s not necessarily about memorizing certain lines or imitating them, but picking up certain subtleties like amusing observations or timing.
Due For Some Good Luck Eventually
Women Aren't People, Apparently
Love Andy Murray. Always leading the charge for women. Great guy.
The Fact That He Never Removed The Post Surprises Me
Even if you wish to pass certain comebacks as your own, there’s no shame in doing that. Winston Churchill, who was famous for them, has borrowed a lot of them. One of his well-known lines was in response to politician Bessie Braddock’s remark, “Sir, you are drunk.” The PM replied, “And you, Bessie, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning, and you will still be ugly.”
On A Comment Thread About UPS And USPS Workers
Well, When You Put It That Way
Cut The S**t Lady. You Chose The Bathroom
This iconic phrase was copied from American actor and comedian W.C. Fields. Despite this, it took quick thinking to recall and adapt the quote in the moment, which is why Churchill was considered a master of timing. “It was an off-the-cuff recall of something he had synthesized, composed earlier, and that he was waiting to perform,” Tim Riley, director and chief curator at the National Churchill Museum, said.
I Proudly Served In The Gay Wars Of '07
You Dense Mother ---!
Columbus Day
Lastly, as with any skill, practice is what makes one improve. For a quick-wit exercise, Hack Spirit recommends trying to make a mental note of something you’ve heard a person say during the day. Then set a timer for 5 minutes and try to come up with as many witty things as you can during that time. Some of them might not be that good yet, and that’s totally fine. The activity is all about training your brain, and over time, you will get better.
This Guy Wants All The Cake
Your Bigotry Is Showing
This is exactly what most sane people want. People with different cultures, beliefs, sexual preferences, styles etc etc, getting along and don't fight. Respect, understanding and honor are rare, but hopefully it will be common in the future.
Apparently, It's Impossible For Women To Be Smart And Beautiful At The Same Time
In The Interests Of Public Safety
This always astonishes me (sorry for my English) I mean boys also have shoulders??? But if they show them nothing happens
M*rdered By Kindness
My Christian granny read the koran because according to her, she wanted to know how others interpreted it
If He Were Here He'd Consume These Morons With Fireballs From His Eyes And Bolts Of Lightning From His Arse
The Best Putdowns Come From The Truth
Dammit George!
Pride month, lots of colours all over the place, crazy decorations, weird and wonderful people coming out and enjoying themselves, what's not to like?
Grandmothers Are Overrated
$10 To Clean The Bathroom?!
The Media Makes It To Be A Feel Good Story Over A Dystopian Nightmare
That’s A Stupid Reason To Ban Transgender People
mmmmhhhh, nice d**k, can I ..... yeah we're surrounded you're right, i forgot
See Ya, Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya
We have more guns in private ownership than at any time in our history. We only restrict what type of guns people can have, have strong requirements for how those guns are stored, and don't allow people who can't pass a background and psychological check to own them. We also don't fetishise guns. They're a tool for doing a thing, nothing more.
Waddaya Say, Then?
Room Temperature Iq Is My New Favourite Insult
Yellow Tape Around Her Body It's A Homicide
failure of obamacare ? where ? when ? you mean the fakenews from kolonel Von Shitzpantz before killing it
I think the Affordable Care Act did a lot of good, and was a good first try, but I will never NOT be disappointed, because I KNOW President Obama wanted something even more radical and comprehensive and then backed down because corporations (like Big Pharma and health "insurance" companies making record profits) were all crying about how it would put them out of business. I wanted the ACA that President Obama really wanted to do: something based on what most other countries have. In that sense, yeah: okay, "failure" is a strong word, but for me, let's just say I was "disappointed" eh?
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I had appendicitis twice. The first time they kept me in for three days while they pumped me full of antibiotics to nurse it back to health. The second time they removed it. Both times I stayed in a private room with a nice view. Total cost? About $20 for the yarn and crochet hook I had my GF get for me to entertain myself.
As a Canadian, I’ll gladly wait for someone to look at my finger if it means someone else gets life/saving surgery.
Some who cry Obamacare as so awful, are the a$$inine governors of the states that won't participate, wont accept the "goverment" money that would help fund their states with Medcaid. They are refusing to accept it just because they hated the president who pushed for it
They hated it because a Black man pushed for it. And Actually it wasn’t such a hard sell. Because all of those benefits would equally go to Native people, Black people and other people of color, and white Dems and Repuglikkans are literally willing to set this country on fire to prevent that. Never underestimate racism as a motivating factor for these people. It’s bred into their bones, fed to them with their mother’s milk.
Load More Replies... I fail to understand American mentality Their ok with small children wearing bullet proof vests to school because you know a old document made in a complete diff time frame .. they complain then when people believe old parts of the bible .. you know writen in a complete diff time frame (I'm thinking particularly if JWs refusing blood here and the fact they will go to court to over ride if necessary.. and rightly so) their medical system is so backward I admit I have no idea how they manage with the debt .. honestly how? Esp if no insurance how does it work if you come off a bike for example or want to give birth .. how do you afford it ? .. you voted in a absolute joke to the rest of the world . Ok democracy and all that but now are still moaning because someone else won the next time .. you know democracy and all that.. but worst still it looks like you did not learn the last time .. I for one and I'm sure many others are watching your s*** show of a country like it's a sit com
I just don't get that people in the 21st century are willing to live their lives dictated by people who have been dead for TWO THOUSAND YEARS. Brainwashed idjuts!
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Have any of these people had a major medical procedure done in the US recently? If it’s not life threatening you might wait months. I had to go through 4 different (multi week wait each time) doctors to in the end get a recommendation for an endoscopy which I waited 2 months for an opening for. Get the scope, they scheduled another appointment 2 weeks later to discuss the results only to tell me they found nothing and send me back to the original doctor to start over. I have insurance that cost me about 500$ a month for my family after my company contribution and the whole process still cost me thousands. When ever was causing the extreme pain and gurt mostly cleared up on its own through this half a year process and now I just live with the occasional relapse. Yeah the American medical system is Amazing!!!
since the pandemic started it's been like that here in the US, because covid drove SO many people out of the medical profession. now practically every doctor is booking months out in advance, and a lot of places simply don't have the specialists anymore. it really sucks.
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... hm... wait times... oh, you mean we're waiting for procedures that will **actually happen** without us needing to be multi-millionaires or even though we don't happen to have that ONE perfect HMO that happens to cover **exactly** what we need? Yeah... we have some wait times, and not just waiting-to-die-because we can't pay the privatized price.
The wait times in Canada for the emergency are 8 hours on average. Also some random story, I remember when a man had a seizure at a restaurant close to a hospital and it took 16 minutes for them to go 3 blocks to get the poor fellow. Call me weird for counting the minutes, but you need to count how long the seizure is to give them the right medicine. EDIT: The wait times changed, it's now 22 hours.
I don't get why so many of my fellow Americans would rather get scammed by insurance companies than have free healthcare. Privatized healthcare is one of the worst things about my country. Like I have said before, I love my country, but I don't love the way it's being run. There are many things that need to change for the better.
The thing that Conservatives (and, unfortunately, most liberals) forget is that the ACA was a Republican (yes, you read that right) sponsored bill that was authored during Bush the Younger's second term and had full support from that party. They were still finalising the details when Obama came to power, and because it would be Obama who signed the act into power the Right suddenly turned against it. The very term, 'Obamacare', was originally an insult from the Right intended to disassociate themselves from it.
Several presidents before Obama as far back as Wilson, tried to give the States healthcare, but since Black people would also benefit it was voted down. After all in the South, the States shut down Schools, parks, businesses you name it to protest segregation. It didn’t matter if whites also suffered as long as Black people suffered more.
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Okay let me tell you about my wait time. I dislocated my ankle in 2004. I was taken to the nearest hospital where they treated me immediately, d***s, x-ray, resetting the dislocation. The next morning I was transported to a larger town for surgery. Because I was stable, I waited a single day while they prioritized emergency surgeries. Didn’t cost me a single dime, Canadian or otherwise
I listened to someone complain about the ACA...said it was awful because Blue Cross/Blue Shield was so expensive....No President can really control prices.( They want smaller government until they don't.) Health care is ridiculous. Bc/BS is one of the most expensive health Insurance plans. The benefits of the ACA was the marketplace. That's what is was called where you could shop around, compare plans and get financial assistance if you qualified. I don't know why anyone would think that the ACA was designed to make health care companies give you health insurance for very little money.
Canadian here. In 2015, I was admitted to the hospital because I was feeling ill and had excruciatingly back pain. Three months later, I was released from the hospital after a diagnois of osteomyelitis which ate my spine. Had my spine rebuilt by a brilliant surgeon and am now the proud owner of titanium rods and various nuts, bolts and screws in my back. Total cost for my hospital stay and rehab was zero. And yes, I power walk and cycle every day. I LOVE Canada!
hey, northerner here, I have had complications in pregnacies, so I had to bedrest and be monitered 24/7, due to the possibility of having a stoke. Being in the north, I had to go south. so bedrest for 3 weeks the first time, 2 weeks the second time and 2 months the last time. never paid for a single pill, or a plane ticket. And I was a total b***h the whole time, never got any problems, instead they did everything possible to make my stay bearable, the food was horrible, the smell would make me gag after a few days, so they gave me a fridge and filled it with food I can actually eat. the last time I was at the hospital the food had changed from tasting amelling like cardboard or something worse to gourmet style.
Spent 4 days in hospital at the beginning of the year. A few procedures. Good food. Bill for expenses... wait a minute. What bill? As a Canadian, I love these snide comments.
The only failure of the ACA is that it didn’t address the underlying problem. The fundamental problem never was that people didn’t have enough access to private insurance. Private, for-profit insurance IS the problem. So it’s a stopgap solution at best. Giving more money to the companies who are continually denying coverage for proven treatments and driving up the prices of everything doesn’t make health care more affordable.
I had open heart surgery to fix a hole in my heart. It wasn’t life threatening so I did have to wait a few months, but it didn’t put my parents in debt to keep me healthy.
So-called "Obamacare" should be called "Dolecare" because it was just an adaption of what Dole and the Republicans advocated in the 1990s to counter Clinton's health care proposals.. Of course, after Robert Dole began making those Viagra commercials, "Dolecare" was moved to a different context.
I needed surgery to fix a broken shoulder. It was 7 days between deciding I needed surgery and getting wheeled into the OR. Total cost to me, NOTHING
Last time I was in the hospital it was 4.700€, which I had to pay only 60 bucks of (10€ per day). Three different screenings, daily blood analysis, food and medicine included
Anti Vaxxer Pretends To Be Educated
How the f**k do vaccines *weaken* your immune system??? That's like the exact opposite of how they actually do work. Huh?????????
I Love It
The only place I expect a doctor to be a medical doctor and anyone else to say they're not a medical doctor is in a f*****g hospital.
Pray Away The Gay
I went to a conversion camp when I was 19! It was a load of b******t but on the upside, I slept with half a dozen men which was great fun. I'm still gay by the way, it had the opposite outcome they were wanting.
I Love Arnold's Wholesome M*rders
Mmm Spicy
Pot, Meet Kettle
Bit Of A Stretch
Girls Have Ankles Too
Don't B Confused
Homeless charities supply phones to people, because they understand (unlike fückwit above) that it's barely possible to survive without a phone these days if you have a home, impossible if you don't.
Tomi Lahren
Note: this post originally had 66 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
This whole list has been on BP before. Fortunately most are still amusing
Stop blanking out the names of these dolts! We have a RIGHT to know who they are so we can celebrate them for the forward thinking individuals they truly are, lol.
Earlier, the mentally deranged and challenged were put in homes and watched over carefully by competent personell. Now they have their own country with unlimited guns and d***s and unchecked global power.
it doesn't matter some of these have been posted here in various lists - most of them are universal enough to grant the topic a forever pinned status with new ones added (eg in the comments or new instalments)
I’m so tired of reading hate against the United States. Not because I disagree but because I’ve always agreed, never been patriotic, but it just breaks my heart that this country gets so so much wrong and I watch my loved ones have to suffer by its poor management. And the hating on Americans is so unhelpful. I get that there’s a loud minority that are incredibly obnoxious and inspire vitriol. But most of us are not like that and suffer under our government. Why hate on us when there’s little we can do? And to say look who we elected? We literally didn’t. The popular vote was not for Trump, but our messed up electoral system still put him in office.
This article isn't about the US, it just contains a lot of American extremists who have been given power by the messed up system that elected Trump. I upvoted you because your statement doesn't say anything offensive and doesn't deserve that downvote.
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This whole list has been on BP before. Fortunately most are still amusing
Stop blanking out the names of these dolts! We have a RIGHT to know who they are so we can celebrate them for the forward thinking individuals they truly are, lol.
Earlier, the mentally deranged and challenged were put in homes and watched over carefully by competent personell. Now they have their own country with unlimited guns and d***s and unchecked global power.
it doesn't matter some of these have been posted here in various lists - most of them are universal enough to grant the topic a forever pinned status with new ones added (eg in the comments or new instalments)
I’m so tired of reading hate against the United States. Not because I disagree but because I’ve always agreed, never been patriotic, but it just breaks my heart that this country gets so so much wrong and I watch my loved ones have to suffer by its poor management. And the hating on Americans is so unhelpful. I get that there’s a loud minority that are incredibly obnoxious and inspire vitriol. But most of us are not like that and suffer under our government. Why hate on us when there’s little we can do? And to say look who we elected? We literally didn’t. The popular vote was not for Trump, but our messed up electoral system still put him in office.
This article isn't about the US, it just contains a lot of American extremists who have been given power by the messed up system that elected Trump. I upvoted you because your statement doesn't say anything offensive and doesn't deserve that downvote.
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