From old times, being able to grow a beard has been attributed to high testosterone levels, strength, and masculinity, aka the "manly" traits. However, while high testosterone can positively affect beard growth, the absence of it doesn't necessarily signal low testosterone levels. In fact, the most common reason why some men can't grow a voluminous beard lies in, you guessed right, genetics.
So if you are a guy worrying about not being able to grow a beard, don't stress about it. In fact, while some studies found that women are more attracted to hirsute men, others found that women preferred the clean-shaven look. Altogether, the results of these studies are often 1:1, equally favoring the bearded and clean-shaven faces. Thus, if going into this post, you initially thought that the subjects of these beard jokes would be beardless men, you were wrong. While some may believe that cracking you can't grow a beard jokes to someone's face is funny, it's really not.
Whether you have a luscious beard or rock the clean-shaven look, funny beard jokes can be enjoyed by anyone, hirsute or not. Below, we've compiled plenty of facial hair jokes, shaving jokes, barber puns, and funny jokes about mustaches that shouldn't be cut off from your funny jokes bank. Do you know of any more funny facial hair jokes? Found a particular beard joke hair-larious? Let us know!
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Why did the unlucky bearded man shave?
Because fortune favors the shave.
Why did the bearded thief shave before robbing a bank?
Because he wanted to be a smooth criminal.
Why did the bearded man’s phone not unlock on seeing his face? Because it just wasn’t him anymore!
Why couldn’t the man with a thick beard figure out the cause of his itchy beard?
Because he couldn’t get to the root of it.
What did the fancy bearded goat order at the café?
A Goa-tea.
How many bearded men does it take to change a lightbulb?
Ten. One to actually do the job, and nine others to compliment each other’s beards.
Facial hair that is only located under the lower lip is called a soul patch. Facial hair that only grows in spots on the neck is known as pitiful.
Why was the hipster avoiding his social circle after going to the barber?
Because he was shaving face.
What happened when my friend kept bragging about his stubble?
I just couldn’t bear-d him anymore!
What do you say when a barber has a good annual income?
We can say it has been good hair for him!
Why was the man annoyed at his friend who was making fun of his facial hair?
Because it was a side-burn.
Why did the man with a receding hairline decide to grow his beard?
Because he was trying to plan a head.
Why did Satan hire a good-willed barber to shave off the facial hair of men going to hell?
Because the road to hell is shaved with good intentions.
What did the barber do after accidentally shaving off the man’s beard?
He just let it slide.
What did the bartender tell the man with the saggy mustache?
“Is that your mustache or have your eyebrows come down for a drink?”
Why did the teenager get a grooming kit for his birthday?
Because it was his shaventeenth birthday.
Why don't men with beards need a vacuum?
Because they already have a crumb catcher on their faces.
Why was the bearded man with low self-esteem happy going out with his nonbearded friends?
Because everyone thought he was the leader!
Why did the man get beard oil before food?
Because taking care of his beard is part of his hair necessities.
What did the balding guy and teenager growing a beard have in common?
For them, every hair counts!
What did the barber say to the man after shaving his beard?
“All good things must comb to an end.”
Why did the man named Penny keep on shaving his beard?
Because a Penny shaved is a Penny earned.
Why did the man grow a mustache even though he always wore a mask in public?
Because he wanted a secret ‘stache.
Why did the barber get annoyed by his customer?
Because he kept saying 10 times over, “I mustache you a question!”
Why did the man grow his beard ridiculously bigger than the last time?
Because he wanted to grow it shavenfold as much.
Who is the world's most popular bearded wizard?
Of course, it is Gandalf, who else did you think?
Why did the bearded man decline the invitation to a charity event?
Because it was a fund razor.
Why did the bearded man sue the barber who sneakily shaved off his beard?
Because he barber-ed a grudge against him.
What happened to the bearded clown after he was kicked out of the circus?
He lost his stubble mode of income.
What did the barber say to the man who wanted a spherical Afro?
“Sorry, we don’t do that round hair.”
Why did the man ignore the two hipsters tailing him and kept grooming his own beard?
Because a beard in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Why did the man maintain his beard to perfection?
Because if he didn’t, things would get a bit hairy.
Why did the man get intentionally kicked in the face by a horse?
Because he wanted a horseshoe mustache.
Why was the bearded man appointed as the sheriff in the town?
Because he had a gunslinger beard!
When do hipsters shave their facial hair to match their cool personality?
During Daylight Shavings time.
What did the man say to the tiny grey hair growing on his mustache?
All this time, you were growing right under my nose.
What did the mustache ask his elder brother?
I see you looking at me like that, what's growing on?
What do you call a person who shaves 20 times a day and still ends the day with a beard?
A barber.
What did hipster Darth Vader say to his clean-shaven henchman?
“I find your lack of beard disturbing!”
Why did the man have the priest don a fake beard and mustache?
Because he wanted the baptism to be a blessing in disguise!
Why do women like men with beards?
Because they immediately see something that they can change!
Why did the man who couldn’t grow a beard tape a rabbit to his face?
Because then he would get the facial hare he always wanted.
Why was the man who grew his beard for an entire year afraid of the barber?
Because the barber was the hairbinger of doom for him!
Why do men develop confidence after growing their beards?
Because it’s the beard that grows them!
Why was Ivan Pavlov’s beard so soft, smooth, and well-maintained?
Because he conditioned it.
What did the man do when someone insulted his attempt at growing a beard?
He just brushed it off.
Why did the man shave his mustache before participating in a dangerous stunt?
He said better shave than sorry.
