50 Painfully Funny Memes And Jokes That You Might Relate To All Too Well

upvote for the puppers major achievements!

🤣🤣🤣

This is the kind of quick thinking I wish I had!

That's so hilarious! I've had that done. I would have laughed. Poor guy was probably embarrassed.

Cobra Chicken is my band name.

Just keep going.

Try to prevent OP developing foot in mouth..

LOL! "Flesh chandelier" has been successfully added to my insult vernacular! Many thanks!

True

What an idiot.

Mine was clowns coming out of my closet in the dark, but toilet snakes is a close second, now.

That is ok though. You make at least the kids and parents aware that not all dogs are equally pettable.

🤦🏼‍♀️

Kindergarten Cop: my fav-‘my dad looks at vaginas all day’ (OBGYN Doc)

And the guy with the cocaine pizza narrowly avoided a panic attack.

Makes sense to me

Yes, but did you order in an Ancient English dialect that is surprising to hear anyone speak these days?

That must have been a popular show and tell for the teachers!

as it should be, if the dog (or cats but cats dont really care for anyone) dont like you, then we have a problem bud. edit: guys 3 cats own me. i am speaking from their experiences and many cat memes i have seen.

I think with images and words, so when speaking it comes out as "I was thinking that if we remove..." *hands flailing around in shapes*

Nice to know it was memorable to someone else too.

If you take shooting, fencing, and sailing as your electives in MIT, they’ll officially reward you with a certificate in piracy

Pavlov walks into a bar, orders a beer, and takes a sip. A bell rings, he bangs his fist on the bar, and exclaims, "Now I gotta go feed that fuc*ing dog!"

OMG I'M GONNA PEE FROM LAUGHING!!!!!

Ha ha ha ha. No.

Ohhhhhh! I was kayaking once and a seal plopped up on the front, cute as can be. But, since I had been warned by officials (that I rented from) that it was a federal crime to touch/harass wildlife, I was frantically going "Shoo, shoo, oh aren't you cute, shoo, shoo!"

That fish looks hella confused.

*snickers*

I would name him Anakin, Anakin Pugwalker.

I once wrote, "sexual favors" on the "For:" line of a check I sent to pay my doctor. At my next appointment, he and the nurse entered the exam room *with the check* in order to make it clear to me that they personally saw them (along with any jack-assery that I came up with) and that they weren't amused... 🫣😱

LakotaWolf (she/her)

LakotaWolf (she/her)

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Although it's not nearly as hilarious, I used to have a cat named Wintressia. (Pronounced "win-tress-ee-uh". In my defense, I was 16 when I named her.) Every time I took her for a vet appt, the techs would struggle with her name. After a while, I was like, "Win. Her name is Win." XD Now, I only have to deal with telling the new staff members that BOTH of my dogs are named after characters from the book Dune. Fortunately, thanks to the 2021 movie adaptation, I don't have to explain why my favorite book is a scifi novel written in 1965. I'm a nerd. I'm sorry. XD

I punched a SHARK for YOU! mic drop convo over

At least you didn't go, "HO, HEYYY, HO, HIP-HOP HOORAY..." and completely date yourself.

Harsh lil child yet comical

AHHHAHAHHA

I really want pie.

Asian elephants are more chill though, African elephants are more agressive.

Hilarious. I woulda snorted trying to stifle a laugh.

Uh oh, not weather!!

Gonna nod off to some "it's not you, it's me" now. Maybe a little "this isn't woking."

Priceless.

🤣🤣🤣 This is the best joke on here!

To be honest, I also hate too much PDA. Kissing in public is frowned upon here where I live. I don't care whether they are men, women, trans or whatever.

Where are the images of the husband all fuc*ed up from wrestling the cat into that thing? There should be blood EVERYWHERE!

A librarian from birth? That's how you get 20+ years working experience those jobs ask for entry positions.

Either way it's the experience of your lifetime

Kaspersky bans things so weirdly. I couldn't even search up about my period

I can't even do step one, guess I'll never be happy

First. I have this hat. My mom lost all her hair during cancer treatment. This hat was on her Christmas wish list, and I bought it for her. She loved it. She wore it in the hospital when things were getting rough. She did die, and the family made sure to give me that hat back. Sometimes I think I'm going to wear it to remember mom, but I usually just take it out and hold it, and think of her.

Sales plummeted in 2002 seems people had little desire to have another tower fall....

Bahahahahaha brilliant

its always the elephants that get you

My dad does this every single time I text him. He thinks it’s totally normal

You have, well :), aged.

GENIUS

My Son (a bit older) told me to be careful - he was the one to pick out my sanitarium. Now he is at the point where it is - do I want an amazon box - or should he go fancy and get corrugated cardboard? ( he loves me so much - LOL)

well f**k off then

"Watch him as he goes"

LakotaWolf (she/her)

LakotaWolf (she/her)

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^ It's a reference to a Dolly Parton song that goes "Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, I'm begging of you, please don't take my man" XD

At what school do they sit somebody down with old test results to recalculate??

85151f9d5b...fce4a7.jpg

I want Daisy

imagine being drunk and having to walk down this monstrosity

sorry you have to find out this way kiddo.

Wait how is the first post in December and the second's in November, I'm confused

I do believe that what happened is, your package fell into the ocean