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I (F37) found out today from a reliable source that my late father slept with my mum’s sister behind her back whilst they were still married.

My dad passed not too long ago, so the grief is still raw, but now that I found this information out it is also mixed with a bit of disappointment in him

Image credits: Rhodi Lopez (not the actual photo)

My mum loved my dad but she got ill and he couldn’t handle it, so they divorced but remained friends. 

My mum’s sister, on the other hand, I have always disliked. We have never liked each other since me being about 7. She is self-centered, loud, and thinks she is above everyone else when in truth she is maybe par or lower than most. She was and is still a bit of a s**g despite being mature age, but after finding this out I have even more hatred for her.

She is always saying to my mum how much she loves her and would be lost without her yet she did that

Image credits: Fred Moon (not the actual photo)

I want to confront her in private as I don’t want this getting back to my mum as it would really hurt her, but my husband said to let sleeping dogs lie.

My dad is no longer here and this could get back to my mum if I confront my aunt

Image credits: Kelly Sikkema (not the actual photo)

My question is what would you do in my situation? All advice welcome. Thank you!

Expert’s Advice

This is a difficult and emotionally charged situation, and it’s understandable to feel a mix of grief, betrayal, and frustration. Finding out such information about your late father and your aunt can stir up many emotions. Here are a few points to consider as you think about your next steps:

1. Take Time To Process Your Emotions

First and foremost, it’s important to allow yourself to fully process your feelings. This is a lot to take in, especially while you’re still grieving your father’s passing. Take time to reflect on your emotions—anger, disappointment, confusion—and try to understand what exactly is driving you to confront your aunt. Writing your thoughts down might help you gain clarity.

2. Think About Your Mum’s Well-Being

Your concern for your mum is very clear, and it’s crucial to weigh how revealing this information might affect her. Would confronting your aunt bring her unnecessary pain or even open up old wounds? Consider the emotional cost before making any decisions, as protecting your mum’s emotional health is just as important as addressing your feelings.

3. Consider Whether Confronting Your Aunt Will Help

It’s easy to want answers or closure, especially when you’re hurt. But ask yourself if confronting your aunt will truly resolve anything or if it might just escalate the situation. Will it give you peace of mind, or will it cause more tension? Sometimes it’s better to let go of the past, especially when it involves someone who is unlikely to offer the apology or understanding you hope for.

4. Establish Boundaries With Your Aunt

If you feel like you need to distance yourself from your aunt, it’s okay to set boundaries without confronting her directly. You don’t need to address her actions head-on if it will only bring more conflict into your life. Establishing emotional boundaries and limiting your interactions might give you the space you need to heal without additional stress.

5. Seek Outside Support

Talking with someone you trust, such as a counselor or close friend, can help you navigate your feelings and decide on the best course of action. Sometimes an outside perspective can provide insight into whether confronting your aunt is the best choice, or if there might be a different approach to dealing with the situation in a way that preserves your peace and your mum’s well-being.

This is a tough situation, and there is no perfect answer. Whatever you decide, remember to prioritize your emotional health and consider the long-term impact on your family relationships. Take your time, and trust that whatever feels right for you will guide you toward the best decision.

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Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.

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