MIL Expects To Stay With Son For 2 Years Instead Of A Month, Gets A Reality Check

Even if you like your in-laws, there’s a certain limit you might not want to exceed when it comes to spending time together. Visiting them for a weekend? Great! Going on a weeklong vacation? Why not? Living together for the foreseeable future? No, thank you.

When this redditor was talking to her husband about hosting his mom in their home, she was excited to do it. But the excitement didn’t take long to fade, as instead of coming for a month, as the OP thought that she would, her MIL was considering staying more than half a year, which didn’t take long to turn into a family drama. Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find a couple of updates on how the situation unfolded.

This woman was surprised about her MIL needing a special visa for a short visit

Visa application form and passport on a wooden desk, with a pen resting on the form under sunlight.

Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)

That was because her husband and his mom had a longer stay in mind

Text about mother-in-law's unexpected extended stay and family dynamics.

Text discussing mother-in-law planning to stay for two years; reality check on expected visit duration.

Text discussing a mother-in-law's extended visit expectations and visa application details.

Visa discussion about a mother-in-law's extended stay, focusing on retirement and a 2-year visit option.

Elderly woman with suitcase, standing on a path, carrying a woven bag.

Image credits: Curated Lifestyle (not the actual image)

Text conversation about mother-in-law's unexpected extended stay plans.

Text describing a mother-in-law's extended visit, prompting a discussion on her stay duration.

Text detailing a discussion about a MIL staying with a son, highlighting expectations of hosting and household roles.

Text discussing fairness of parents' visits, with a son's perspective on in-law expectations.

A man and woman having an intense argument at home, highlighting family conflict dynamics.

Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)

Text excerpt about MIL staying with her son longer than expected, causing tension.

Text discussing impact of mother-in-law living with a family for extended periods.

Text exchange about a mother-in-law's extended stay, leading to tension between her son and his partner.

Image credits: RewardSpecialist3390

For many people, relationships with their in-laws are worse than those with their parents

Family sharing a toast over dinner, featuring a mother-in-law visiting her son, enjoying a cheerful meal together.

Image credits: Drazen Zigic (not the actual image)

Even though you can choose your partner, you can’t choose their family, which means that an instant loving relationship isn’t guaranteed. While that can change over time, the in-law relationships often remain a complex issue, which might call for being both somewhat flexible and understanding and able to set clear boundaries at the same time.

Studies on in-law relationships suggest that people tend to have more troubles with their in-laws than their own parents. One study found that in the US, men and women both reported more conflict with mothers-in-law than with their mothers, while moms reported more conflict with their daughters-in-law than with their daughters.

Psychologist, writer, and Fellow Emerita of Newnham College Cambridge, Terri Apter, points out that such relationships have a “special potential for conflict.” Whether they involve a parent-in-law, child-in-law, or sibling-in-law, arguments can be difficult, if not impossible, to escape. However, according to the expert, “The most heated and persistent problems arise between two women—the wife and the husband’s mother.”

Apter notes that while 15% of mother-in-law and son-in-law relationships experience some tension, as much as 60% of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships are described by negative terminology, such as “strained,” “uncomfortable,” “infuriating,” “depressing,” “draining,”and “simply awful.”

It’s not uncommon for a man’s wife and his mother to have a strained relationship

Mother-in-law interacting with son and grandchild, conveying family dynamics and expectations in a cozy room setting.

Image credits: Exergen Corporation (not the actual image)

According to Apter, the problem with the relationship between the two important women in a man’s life—his wife and his mother—arises from their similar positions, as they are both the primary women in their primary family.

“As each tries to establish or protect her status, each feels threatened by the other,” the expert wrote. “‘What will I have to relinquish if I respect your position in the family?’ and ‘Will I retain my importance if I acknowledge yours?’ signal a vulnerability that can lead to competition over emotive issues about who has more power and more influence in the domestic sphere.”

While protecting a certain status or controlling the sense of competition is easier to do when the women—or any in-laws, for that matter—are apart, living under one roof for a prolonged period of time can be difficult. According to Marriage.com, living with the in-laws might cause troubles related to decision-making or interference in the couple’s life. The in-laws might have opinions or advice they want to share, which can be a cause for conflict if the couple wants to live their lives how they see fit. There can also be contradicting traditions, which can create tension when under the same roof.

According to the aforementioned source, it’s crucial for couples to communicate openly about their expectations and compromise in order to find a solution that works for everyone. Open communication was the route that the OP took when talking to her husband about his mother’s visit. While it wasn’t easy, the woman “held her ground,” and while the entire situation might have negatively affected her relationship with the in-laws—both her mother and sister-in-law—the couple and the visitor eventually did manage to find a compromise. The OP opened up about how that went in the two updates she shared after the initial post.

The wife provided more details in the comments

Reddit discussion on mother-in-law expecting extended stay. Concerns about husband's plans for her permanent residence.

Discussion about a mother-in-law's extended stay expectations, addressing cultural and familial living arrangements.

Discussion on MIL's extended stay impacting couple's intimacy and dynamics at home.

Discussion about in-laws' long stay plans and family dynamics in a text exchange on social media.

Discussion on staying arrangements, emphasizing family orientation and adjusting to climate differences.

Most netizens didn’t think the wife was being a jerk to her husband or his mother

Comment on mother-in-law living situation, suggesting independent accommodation in Canada.

Text explaining that there's no two-year visitor visa to Canada, only a five-year supervisa.

Comment on forum discussing mother-in-law expecting long stay with son.

Text post discussing MIL staying for an extended period and husband's unilateral decision.

Comment discussing staying with son for 2 years, mentioning cultural pressures, life impact, and marriage challenges.

Comment on managing extended family stays and alternatives for son.

Comment advising compromise on MIL's extended stay, suggesting a rental after a month.

Text exchange discusses MIL's extended stay, boundary issues, and the need for clear communication in family dynamics.

Text on a social post discussing a MIL's planned long-term stay with her son and the ensuing reality check.

Comment expressing opinions on hosting family, emphasizing personal choice and boundaries.

Reddit comment suggesting a son's mom's stay be limited.

Comment discussing intergenerational households and the importance of communication with son and MIL.

Comment discussing MIL's extended stay expectations and relationship dynamics.

Soon after, the woman uploaded an update, letting the netizens know how things were going

Text discussing mother-in-law's extended stay, with a focus on expectations and communication challenges.

Discussion about MIL's extended stay expectations and adapting to Canadian lifestyle changes.

Woman with child at a window, both in knitted sweaters, symbolizing family time and unexpected stays.

Image credits: EyeEm (not the actual image)

Text of a conversation about a mother-in-law's extended stay expectations and relationship dynamics.

Emotional text discussing MIL expectations of staying with son for two years impacting parenthood plans.

Text about managing expectations for a mother-in-law's extended stay and its impact on family dynamics.

A worried woman sitting alone, contemplating a family reality check.

Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)

Text about MIL compromise on a regular visa for a 6-month stay, with an option for a super visa later.

Text about a man's lengthy call with his mom and sister, mainly listening, in a backyard setting.

Man outside talking on a smartphone, wearing a grey shirt; symbolic of a reality check conversation.

Image credits: EyeEm (not the actual image)

Text message from mother-in-law about staying longer, discussing family expectations and cultural beliefs.

Text exchange discussing staying with son and communication improvements.

Text about family relationships and expectations involving a MIL visiting for two years instead of one month.

Smartphone screen with notifications for calls and messages, featuring icons like Calendar and Facebook.

Image credits: Nothing Ahead (not the actual image)

Text exchange about MIL's extended stay, discussing boundaries and feedback.

Text discussing cultural differences in marriage and family expectations, focusing on staying with a son.

Fellow netizens shared their thoughts in the comments

Text conversation hints MIL expects long stay; advises packing essentials.

Text advice about communicating with MIL regarding child’s future decisions.

Text discussing the expectations of a mother-in-law's stay and financial responsibilities within a marriage.

Text advice on a MIL call, husband urged to join.

Comment on mother-in-law stay length, predicting potential issues.

Commentary on MIL staying duration with son, questioning parental rights.

Comment discussing MIL staying expectations in North America context.

Text from a discussion about living expectations and reality checks, referencing a popular proverb about overstaying.

Comment on cultural clash about staying with son and current culture.

Chat post discussing a mother-in-law's extended stay and family dynamics.

Text exchange about MIL staying long-term unexpectedly with son, causing tension.

The woman shared a second update after having talked to her mother-in-law

Text message exchange with MIL about extended stay expectations.

Text conversation about MIL’s extended stay and family dynamics in Canada.

Woman in red sweater scrolling on a smartphone, representing a reality check scenario.

Image credits: Michael Pointner (not the actual image)

Text discusses mother-in-law expecting extended stay, cultural expectations, and family dynamics.

Text message about MIL's unexpected stay plans and heritage comfort discussed over the phone.

Text about husband discussing MIL's expectations and reality of son's stay.

Two people holding hands in a waiting area, conveying support during a family visit.

Image credits: wavebreakmedia_micro (not the actual image)

Text excerpt discussing expectations and adjustments for MIL's visit, changing from 2 years to 30 days.

Text conversation about MIL stay expectation, discussing changes from two years to one month.

Image credits: RewardSpecialist3390

The discussion in the comments continued

Discussion on setting boundaries with MIL during her extended stay; emphasizes respect and personal space.

Reddit comment expressing frustration about a mother-in-law's extended visit plan.

Discussion on preparing escape plans and privacy measures for staying with MIL.

Comment expressing concern about mother-in-law's extended stay, advising caution and having an exit plan.

Text comment discussing staying vigilant about duration wording in a conversation with MIL.

Discussion about MIL's extended stay, sharing concerns and potential solutions.

Text discussing in-laws staying permanently due to visa issues and suggestions for handling the situation discreetly.

Text comment about MIL's extended stay, supporting a 30-day visit limit.

Comment on MIL overstaying her visit and family concerns about her extended stay.

Text advising precautions for mother-in-law's extended stay, including privacy and consent boundaries.

Text post on a forum about checking a 30-day tourist visa, ensuring accuracy.

Poll Question

Total votes ·

Thanks! Check out the results:

Total votes ·

Newsletter

Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls

Subscribe

By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.

Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!

Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing!

Follow Bored Panda on Google News!

Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda!