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34 Folks Reveal The Absurd Things Their Parents Taught Them In Childhood That Make No Sense Now
Interview With Expert
As kids, we don’t really understand what’s wrong and what’s right in the big, scary world, unless it’s the basic things, of course. We just blindly believe and gobble up everything that our parents tell us, and that becomes our truth, until we grow up and truly experience life.
When Reddit user tkewhatder7 asked netizens, “What's one thing your parents told you growing up that you completely disagree with now?” Folks replied with a gusto, as so many of us are wronged at that young age. You might even relate to a few of these “truths”, so just scroll down to check them out!
More info: Reddit
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#1
Always respect your elders.
truthfully, some do not deserve it.
General Anaesthesia 7 months ago (edited)
You get my respect on first contact. After that it's yours to lose.
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#2
That powerful people got there due to their work ethic and talent, and have extraordinary insights.
After being in corporate America for over a decade, I know people up top are clueless.
#3
That living alone at my age (mid-50s female) would be lonely. I am living my best life and I have no regrets.
Blue Bunny of Happiness 7 months ago
My best life would include more rabbits, but other than that, same.
As you scroll through the list, you will realize that some of these so-called truths are considered quite normal in today's age, and kids are coaxed to believe them without reason. However, to throw light on how they realize it's not right, Bored Panda got in touch with Eden Lobo, a counselor and psychology professor.
She spoke about Erik Erikson’s psychosocial stage of “Identity vs Role Confusion”, which centers on forming a personal identity that may differ from parental or cultural expectations.
"The drive for autonomy often pushes people to re-evaluate inherited beliefs to establish their own worldview. Other aspects like life experiences, exposure, emotional maturity, and social and cultural shifts also play a big part in influencing how and why childhood beliefs passed down by parents may be questioned or rejected in adulthood," she added.
#4
Just ignore the bullies, they’ll stop.
#5
People who go to church are better than those who don't.
Peter Bear 7 months ago
It's ironic, really; the teachings of Christ are good, practical, sensible advice. And yet, the majority of the people who claim the title 'Christian' do not live by those teachings at all.
#6
Parents don't have to apologize to their kids.
Lee Gilliland 7 months ago
If you won't apologize to a kid you've wronged you're not a full adult.
Prof. Lobo also explained how, during childhood, the brain is highly impressionable, and early parental messages can serve as both a foundation and a cage. She stressed that children often internalize them, especially when tied to love, safety, or approval, and this can impact their self-esteem and self-concept.
She gave a simple example to understand this impact:
Positive messages (e.g., “you’re capable,” “you are loved as you are”) tend to foster secure, resilient identities. Meanwhile, negative or rigid messages (e.g., “don’t cry,” “don't pay attention to the bullies”) can lead to self-doubt, people-pleasing, perfectionism, or chronic guilt.
#7
Everything happens for a reason.
No.
Michael Largey 7 months ago
They often happen for the reason that I'm stupid or have lousy judgement.
#8
If you work hard you can be or do anything you want in life.
A lovely concept with pretty much no basis in reality for the vast majority of humans.
#9
That unions were a waste of money. The irony is that my grandfather was super active in his union and mum had a lot of benefits even as an adult lol. And I was recently elected the union delegate for my workplace ❤️.
Kat Alison 7 months ago
If the corpos don’t like unions…..maybe they would prefer a repeat of the French Revolution? I know I would much rather see a renewed labor movement than a revolution.
According to our expert, when adults try to question or reject these childhood beliefs, it’s not just about changing ideas, it’s often about rewriting identity and relearning self-worth from the inside out. She also brought up the family systems theory, which suggests that healthy identity formation requires differentiation, meaning: the ability to develop a sense of self distinct from family influence.
"If differentiation is low, adults may struggle to form independent values and continue living in alignment with outdated parental expectations, even if those beliefs cause harm. Many psychologists help clients reconstruct their identity by identifying and challenging inherited beliefs that no longer align with their authentic self," Prof. Lobo noted.
#10
That they are right because "they're the parent." Hindsight being 20/20, they were often wrong. They just didn't want to admit it.
Kat Alison 7 months ago
This leads to nonsense like, “It’s not wrong if the president does it.”
#11
My dad told me it was my fault my mom and him divorced
I was 5
I sure believed it for a long time.
Blondie23 7 months ago
As a woman who got a divorce and have a child I can tell you with 100% assurance that the person that told you that should be erraticated from this planet. What a POS..... I made sure my daughter knew she had nothing to do with my divorce. How dare he do that to you. I am so sorry you were ever led to beleive that.
#12
Stick with one company for your entire life. Granted it worked out well for the both of them, but times have changed.
When we spoke to our expert about the unresolved conflicts between parental teachings and adult values, she claimed that they can show up, often unconsciously, in relationships and parenting. She thinks that to reject their upbringing, some adults swing to the opposite extreme, which can create an imbalance.
"When adults experience this internal conflict, they might face challenges not only in disciplining their children but also in asserting needs in relationships. A child raised with rigid rules might grow into a permissive parent who avoids setting boundaries, or a partner raised in a conflict-avoidant home might overemphasize confrontation, mistaking it for healthy communication," she noted.
Prof. Lobo believes that this can lead to emotional suppression, people-pleasing, or staying in unhealthy dynamics out of fear of being 'disloyal.'
#13
Eat everything on your plate.
Midoribird Aoi 7 months ago
Back in the olden days before there was a social net for the poor, you DID eat everything on your plate, because you were darned lucky to have anything there at all. Ditto during the Great Depression.
#15
Children should be seen, but not heard. No, just no.
KatSaidWhat 7 months ago
I'd rather hear them than see them. When it goes quiet, go investigate.
Well, if we have gleaned anything from the insights that our expert gave, it's always best to resolve and confront the conflicts between parental teachings and adult values. Who knows in what form they may foster within us and harm something that we don't even consider!
That's it from our end, folks. Now we head over to you and your thoughts on the matter. Also, if you have any such things to share that your parents taught you, which you no longer believe, feel free to type out your heart in the comments. We are always here with a patient ear!
#16
Don’t live in a big city right after college.
Later learned that it’s one of the better ways to make large and early career gains as well as easiest to switch companies to level up.
#17
Forgiving makes you the bigger person. Forgiving and moving on aren't mutually exclusive. And some things aren't worth forgiving.
Michael Largey 7 months ago
"Forgive your enemy. But remember the b*****d's name." - John F. Kennedy
#19
One day you will marry a random dude and then thou shall cling to him like a barnacle for the rest of your life. Although you haven’t met him yet, you already owe him.
This is hyperbole, but growing up in a religious household, it feels like this is the message.
Lee Gilliland 7 months ago
Which is why some doctors refuse to tie grown-a*s women's tubes before menopause. AHs.
#20
My parents both firmly believed that nobody "but your family" genuinely cares about you or genuinely means it if they pretend to.
Ironically, neither of my parents gave a single s**t about anyone but themselves. They certainly didn't care about each other. Or me.
In retrospect, I'm pretty sure this was some weird manipulative s**t to try to get me to be more dependent on them and lower their risk of anyone hearing about what s****y people (and parents) they were.
#21
That modesty is necessary, and being naked is inappropriate and sinful.
#23
That the civil war was fought solely over states rights.
Michael Largey 7 months ago
If someone claims this, say to them "OK, let's list those states rights. I'll start. 1. The right to own slaves. Your turn." (Crickets chirping.)
#25
That I have to earn their respect. I am a human being, not a robot or a servant.
Tabitha 7 months ago
Respect is a two-way street. You get what you give. If you walk in expecting others to respect you without you earning/deserving it, then you will either not get it at all, or get a forced facsimile of it from people who want something from you, or are afraid of you in some way.
#26
I can be anything I want to be.
Delicate Fcuking Flower 7 months ago
I still haven't grown my mermaid tail or fairy wings so ....
#28
That I'm worthless, selfish, cruel, and a piece of s**t. And whatever other insults my mom could think of to tear me down over the years.
#29
That I HAVE to separate whites and colors or all my white clothes will be rainbow 🌈 colors.
#32
My parents genuinely believed in rules. My mom taught me to "play the game," by which she meant how to watch how social interactions work and mimic them. I didn't realize until I was an adult that she *genuinely believed* that people would do things like turn in things they found to the nearest authority, partially because it took me a decade or so to unbelieve that myself. That people would be selfish, or theivish, or less than going-out-of-their-way-to-help-their-fellow-man... would never occur to her. And if anyone did it in her presence, she'd just be a Dissappointed 2nd Grade Teacher at them.
I'm fairly disillusioned now, but I do love my mom's view of humanity.
#33
That I’m the most beautiful girl in the world.
Tabitha 7 months ago
Beauty manifests in so many ways, generally as several kinds of beauty instead of just one, and so many of those combinations come together and make someone who may not be considered conventionally good looking into the most ethereally and stunningly beautiful person ever.
#34
Tell the therapist what they want to hear.
Elwood Schwartz (it/that) 7 months ago (edited)
I was essentially forced by my parents to go starting when I was in first grade. I stopped when I was a teenager and the therapist said: if you're not going to talk to me, there is no point in you coming. Never been back, and I'm doing fine 25 years later. The trick is to push all your emotions down into your stomach, where they are dissolved by acid. 😀
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