There's nothing worse than being on the receiving end of an insult and not being able to think of a killer comeback (although you'll eventually come up with the best response ever...about three days later). As you can see from this list of comebacks compiled by Bored Panda however, some people have no problem coming up with a snarky, witty, or downright savage retort when the situation requires one. Scroll down for some of the best responses we could find. Don't forget to vote for your favorite!

#1

Had a really witty teacher for my game design class, the Vice Principal hated him for whatever reason. One day we were all studiously working with our headphones on programming away while our teacher was upfront reading a book, very available and approachable if we had any questions. Then the VP walks in the room:
VP: "Mr. Teacher, it has come to my attention that you have absolutely no control over this class! This is unacceptable."
Teacher gives him a fairly nonchalant stare, cooly and calmly places his book down, and claps his hands loudly three times (which was his very effective way of getting our attention while listening to music). Mind you, the following occurred without us knowing why the VP was there or what he had said.
Teacher: "Ok class listen up, I have an exercise for you. This'll only take a few moments. First and foremost, everybody stand up."
We all stood up in near unison very quickly.
Teacher: "Good, now I want all of you to leave the room and stand outside in the hallway and no matter what this guy says," as he points his finger at VP, "do not come back in the room until I say so. Ok, go!"
We all exit the room, a little intrigued by what was going on.
Teacher: "Ok VP, bring them back in the classroom"
We didn't budge
To this day, that is one of my favorite stories to tell.

Rosephine Report

Yvonne Bernal 6 months ago

I love this story. It has a moral to it.

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#2

My HS principal once insulted my mother's english (she's not from America). She just politely apologized for the mixup and said "I'm sorry sometimes I get English mixed up with the other six languages. How many do you speak?"

Shadowex3 Report

Yvonne Bernal 6 months ago

Like the lady in the checkout line who was criticized for speaking a "foreign" language on her cell phone. A rude person standing behind her, told her this is America and she should speak our "native language." To which the cell phone lady replied, " I was... I was speaking Navajo".

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#3

Dude at my gym who is overweight has been working it off, slowly but surely, for a few months. This new guy comes in one day and starts trying to flirt with the receptionist (who is the overweight guys wife).
He decides to loudly ask why that dude is so fat if he is at the gym.
The receptionist looks at him for a long moment and then says "Because every time we screw I let him lick chocolate sauce off me."
I nearly died laughing that day.

Nitrostoat Report

Amy Carter 6 months ago

Ha Ha love it!

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#4

Heard a good one about Muhammad Ali - when he was on a plane once the Stewardess politely asked him to put his seatbelt on, to which he said "Superman don't need no seatbelt!"
"Superman don't need no plane" she replied.

tom_is_pullin Report

Tash Lawrence 6 months ago

Check mate!!

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#5

A girl at work had to get glasses and one of out regulars comes in and says "aw man you should take those off you look way better without them" and she goes "yeah you look way better without them too." I thought that was pretty clever.

Stephenfvb Report

Amy Carter 6 months ago

She schooled him!

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#6

This really shy kid that doesn't really speak much was getting picked on my this mean girl when the teacher tells her "be nice to him, he might be your boss someday," without missing a beat he replies "no thanks, I don't want to be a pimp when I grow up."

Soitgoes5 Report

Chiranjeev Sharma 6 months ago

Oooouuuusome :P

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#7

My crazy neighbor's crazy daughters, who are identical twins, are having a massive argument:
Twin 1: "Fuck you you ugly bitch!" Twin 2: "We're twins you fucking moron!"
They heard me laughing.

TheMisiak Report

Asa-Mari Stancil 6 months ago

My mother to my little brother: You stupid son of a bitch! My little brother to my mother: Well if you're my mother what does that make you???? I swear we were all going to die that day. Have you ever experienced having all the air being suck out of you from trying not to laugh and trying not to die all at the same time? I will never forget what that feels like.

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#8

My conservative Mormon mother decides to talk to me for the first time about sex (17 at the time) She places two slices of chocolate cake, beautifully decorated, from a nice bakery. "Now daughter, this is you with your virginity..." She then squashes one slice of cake with her hand. "And this is you without your virginity. What slice of cake would you rather give to your future husband, for time and all eternity?"
I look back and forth between the cakes "But, mom...they taste the same..." My older sister still loves to bring this up. It may be a funnier story when told out loud, though.

hauskittay Report

Just a Purpler 6 months ago

ahahah mormons and there object lessons lol

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#9

Once asked a middle aged woman to borrow her pen on the train.
Me: "May I please borrow you pen, ma'am?"
Woman: "Excuse me -- don't call me ma'am. Don't you know how offensive that is to say to a woman?"
Me: "My apologies...sir."

BuffaLee Report

Yvonne Bernal 6 months ago

THAT is funny! Serves her right for treating somebody to be kind enough, to be polite... yet she's rude in return. I have never understood what is wrong with saying ma'am. I was brought up saying "yes ma'am, or no sir" to my elders.

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#10

It was during lunch at high school when this kid with really bad crossed eyes made fun of this Asian kid. He was just saying stereotypical things like, Asians can't drive and etc. The Asian kid replies with " you I'm really jealous of you, when you cross the street you don't need to look both ways." Everyone was dying, laughing so hard.

NubHubz Report

Iapetos 6 months ago

That's a real mean one... but probably the best reply to show this guy how dumb he is judging other people for their apperance.

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