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Woman Asks Why A Guy She Turned Down Didn’t Try Harder, Gets The Perfect Response
Rokas L BoredPanda staff
A guy invites a girl on a date, tries all of his best moves, but she says no. A guy has to move on, otherwise, it’s harassment. Unless it isn’t? Recently, a girl surprised the internet when she posted a question on Quora, asking why her date wasn’t a mind reader.
She wrote, “A guy asked me out today and I told him “no”, but I wanted him to try harder. Why didn’t he try again?” Naturally, a question like this deserves something more than a simple answer, an answer that’s written in the same language. Luckily, Ron Rule typed a response the inquirer should’ve understood. Scroll down to check out what he wrote!
Someone surprised Quora with a strange question
Luckily, this guy responded with an example the inquirer had to understand
Amused by the exchange, people started sharing their own experiences
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What do you think ?
Simple rule: Always... ALWAYS.... take "no" for an answer, and if the other person was trying to mess with you, well then they deserve to be alone.... and you deserve someone better.
Why would you even want to get with someone who can't communicate clearly? Men become convinced that women won't mean what they say, and when they do say exactly what they mean, men don't listen. All of us need to stop perpetuating that.
I think it’s that kind of playing around, and expecting mind reading to lead to quite a bit of a lot of women’s sexual harassment. If you’ve always recieved the message that you should pursue a person, well now we call it stalking. People need to be clear, and explicit about what’s they want, these days. Anything else can sometimes result in a lawsuit.
I got a "yes", but she was "just messing with me". I think she deserves to be alone.
Hell in today's world you should consider taking maybe, and even yes as a no. There is a reason that men are not chasing, and well, it women do not like that -do not look at men. It has been made clear, that we are not to, many of us, would have taken this as no right out of the gate 30 years ago, even if we thought she wanted to be chased, because frankly - who needs that in your life.
You lost me at the last half but I think I get you
I thought part of the “Meto” movement was men are supposed to take no for an answer. If men don’t, they cry sexual assault. Start doing this shit and it muddies the water really bad.
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To Nicole and the 99.99% on this blog who aren’t getting it, you apparently misunderstand this girl’s motivation. I’m not saying it’s particularly “clear communication” or where society is headed in terms of equal status for men and women today but important nevertheless to understand she was protecting her reputation in saying no the first time. Didn’t want to appear “easy.” This may not make sense to anyone under the age of 50.
Oh we understand WHY she did it- but we are saying it’s stupid and perpetuates the dangerous idea that when women say no, they mean yes. We also hate the idea that to say yes means a woman is “easy”. You let go of ridiculous purity ideas, and you don’t have to play hard to get to protect your reputation. Times have changed (thank Chuck), and people need to be straightforward in their communication. Yes means yes. No means no.
If 99.99% of people agree, perhaps you are the one who "isn't getting it." We understand her motivation; we just think it's really stupid to tell someone the opposite of what you want and then wonder why you didn't get what you want. If girls don't want to appear "easy" by saying yes to a date, they need to learn how to flirt, not shut guys down and then get mad about it.
I'm only 26, and that makes no sense. I could have sworn "no meant no", regardless of context. He was asking her FOR A DATE, not a lay. Very different. So no, she wasn't protecting any reputation, at least not one that morally good.
I think any guy who goes out with a girl who plays these kinds of games is in for a rough time. No one is worth that kind of crazy.
Guys play games too. It's called being passive aggressive. I wish everyone would just say what they mean.
And mean what they say!
"Because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."? o.o
It's not being passive-aggressive, it's just bad communication. Passive-aggressive usually means that you're being negative in a downplayed way. Like leaving a colouring page onto someone's windshield when they've done a bad parking job, to help them "keep within the lines". It gets the reproach across. Saying no when you mean yes is just... idiotic.
That's one example of being passive aggressive but not the most common in relationships. It's more like they constantly "forget" to do something you asked them because they want to get back at you, or expect you to know why they are mad without them explaining to you, or using sarcasm to make a point instead of just saying the direct truth. It's basically the inability or unwillingness to communicate directly.
But that was not a relationship. It was two individuals, one said the exact opposite of what they wanted, which is not, by definition, passive-aggressive. I'm not saying passive-aggressive doesn't happen in relationships, I'm saying that what she did was not, actually, passive-aggressive.
Lol, I just want to add that I had this experience as a woman with my ex, so yeah, guys do this too, maybe less often since they're taught to be more direct than women, but it exists. I hate that passive aggressive bullshit
Being passive aggressive simply means you're downplaying your emotions. Flat out telling someone the complete opposite of what you want is playing MIND GAMES.
We play games because YOU make us. trust me if you let it be simple we'd be happy.
They love you when you're alone and ignore you when you're not.
Juana, you confuse passive aggressiveness with someone not wanting to be your servant.
Haha maybe. But why not just come out and say "No, I don't want to do that." Instead it's games.
Women do transference, too. It's called the above post.
Passive Aggressiveness is the bane of my existence. My ex boyfriend used to do that all the time. I would say "Where do you want to go to eat?" He would say "Oh, I don't care...Anywhere is fine"...."Are you SURE?" "Yes, Anywhere is fine"....I would say "Alright" and go to Red Robin.....30 min in and him picking at his plate I would say "What's wrong" and it would always be "Well, I really wanted to go to TGI-Fridays, Why didn't you pick that?" OOoooOOoooOoooOOOOooo How I spent over a year with that turd is beyond me.
Well, when men say what they mean, women get butt-hurt and start World War III. A woman is willing to fight for hours, while the children are being neglected and the house is a mess (because women are emotionally-driven). A man will evaluate the situation and decide that there is no point wasting that kind of time, only to discover that nothing will change by the time the argument is over (since men are more logically-driven).
You sir are 100% correct.. At least for a lot of women..
Logically driven or not is entirely cultural.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Juana, that would take away all of the excitement from the game of "Catch me if you can". :D
Simple rule: Always... ALWAYS.... take "no" for an answer, and if the other person was trying to mess with you, well then they deserve to be alone.... and you deserve someone better.
Why would you even want to get with someone who can't communicate clearly? Men become convinced that women won't mean what they say, and when they do say exactly what they mean, men don't listen. All of us need to stop perpetuating that.
I think it’s that kind of playing around, and expecting mind reading to lead to quite a bit of a lot of women’s sexual harassment. If you’ve always recieved the message that you should pursue a person, well now we call it stalking. People need to be clear, and explicit about what’s they want, these days. Anything else can sometimes result in a lawsuit.
I got a "yes", but she was "just messing with me". I think she deserves to be alone.
Hell in today's world you should consider taking maybe, and even yes as a no. There is a reason that men are not chasing, and well, it women do not like that -do not look at men. It has been made clear, that we are not to, many of us, would have taken this as no right out of the gate 30 years ago, even if we thought she wanted to be chased, because frankly - who needs that in your life.
You lost me at the last half but I think I get you
I thought part of the “Meto” movement was men are supposed to take no for an answer. If men don’t, they cry sexual assault. Start doing this shit and it muddies the water really bad.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
To Nicole and the 99.99% on this blog who aren’t getting it, you apparently misunderstand this girl’s motivation. I’m not saying it’s particularly “clear communication” or where society is headed in terms of equal status for men and women today but important nevertheless to understand she was protecting her reputation in saying no the first time. Didn’t want to appear “easy.” This may not make sense to anyone under the age of 50.
Oh we understand WHY she did it- but we are saying it’s stupid and perpetuates the dangerous idea that when women say no, they mean yes. We also hate the idea that to say yes means a woman is “easy”. You let go of ridiculous purity ideas, and you don’t have to play hard to get to protect your reputation. Times have changed (thank Chuck), and people need to be straightforward in their communication. Yes means yes. No means no.
If 99.99% of people agree, perhaps you are the one who "isn't getting it." We understand her motivation; we just think it's really stupid to tell someone the opposite of what you want and then wonder why you didn't get what you want. If girls don't want to appear "easy" by saying yes to a date, they need to learn how to flirt, not shut guys down and then get mad about it.
I'm only 26, and that makes no sense. I could have sworn "no meant no", regardless of context. He was asking her FOR A DATE, not a lay. Very different. So no, she wasn't protecting any reputation, at least not one that morally good.
I think any guy who goes out with a girl who plays these kinds of games is in for a rough time. No one is worth that kind of crazy.
Guys play games too. It's called being passive aggressive. I wish everyone would just say what they mean.
And mean what they say!
"Because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."? o.o
It's not being passive-aggressive, it's just bad communication. Passive-aggressive usually means that you're being negative in a downplayed way. Like leaving a colouring page onto someone's windshield when they've done a bad parking job, to help them "keep within the lines". It gets the reproach across. Saying no when you mean yes is just... idiotic.
That's one example of being passive aggressive but not the most common in relationships. It's more like they constantly "forget" to do something you asked them because they want to get back at you, or expect you to know why they are mad without them explaining to you, or using sarcasm to make a point instead of just saying the direct truth. It's basically the inability or unwillingness to communicate directly.
But that was not a relationship. It was two individuals, one said the exact opposite of what they wanted, which is not, by definition, passive-aggressive. I'm not saying passive-aggressive doesn't happen in relationships, I'm saying that what she did was not, actually, passive-aggressive.
Lol, I just want to add that I had this experience as a woman with my ex, so yeah, guys do this too, maybe less often since they're taught to be more direct than women, but it exists. I hate that passive aggressive bullshit
Being passive aggressive simply means you're downplaying your emotions. Flat out telling someone the complete opposite of what you want is playing MIND GAMES.
We play games because YOU make us. trust me if you let it be simple we'd be happy.
They love you when you're alone and ignore you when you're not.
Juana, you confuse passive aggressiveness with someone not wanting to be your servant.
Haha maybe. But why not just come out and say "No, I don't want to do that." Instead it's games.
Women do transference, too. It's called the above post.
Passive Aggressiveness is the bane of my existence. My ex boyfriend used to do that all the time. I would say "Where do you want to go to eat?" He would say "Oh, I don't care...Anywhere is fine"...."Are you SURE?" "Yes, Anywhere is fine"....I would say "Alright" and go to Red Robin.....30 min in and him picking at his plate I would say "What's wrong" and it would always be "Well, I really wanted to go to TGI-Fridays, Why didn't you pick that?" OOoooOOoooOoooOOOOooo How I spent over a year with that turd is beyond me.
Well, when men say what they mean, women get butt-hurt and start World War III. A woman is willing to fight for hours, while the children are being neglected and the house is a mess (because women are emotionally-driven). A man will evaluate the situation and decide that there is no point wasting that kind of time, only to discover that nothing will change by the time the argument is over (since men are more logically-driven).
You sir are 100% correct.. At least for a lot of women..
Logically driven or not is entirely cultural.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Juana, that would take away all of the excitement from the game of "Catch me if you can". :D