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When we're kids, parents are a big part of our little worlds. We rely on them to give us needed care, safety from the things that hurt us, and all things like that.
Sadly, sometimes parents are those who, instead of saving us, hurt us. While there are many ways they can do so, today we're only focusing on verbal harm. After all, some say that words can be more powerful than guns. This list kind of proves that, as it's a collection of people's stories of how parents' words hurt them so much, they can never fully forgive them.
More info: Mumsnet
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#1
My mother said it was the reason why my parents got divorced. Apparently I wasn't an easy child and always fought with my sister.
My dad had an affair. My mother was utterly vile.
Janelle Collard 6 months ago (edited)
Poor OP. I hope this person got therapy and went NC with vile mom.
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#2
You're not worth a phone call or a first class stamp. This was over 20 years ago when a stamp was about 50p
#3
“I hope you have children like you you’ll get what you deserve”
except I do have children like me and they are so wonderful and so so easy to love. They made me realise I wasn’t the problem.
When a person becomes a parent, they get saddled with new responsibilities – taking care of a whole new family. That includes things like providing them with food, a roof over their head, clothing, financial support, safety, education, and many other things. It also includes the responsibility of protecting a child from harm, both physical and emotional.
Unfortunately, sometimes parents themselves cause that harm to their kids. When we mention parents hurting their kids, what probably pops up first in our minds is physical hurt. And while that’s a big problem in itself, it isn’t the only way a parent can harm a kid.
#4
When I announced my pregnancy after a stillbirth my DM said “well I’m not buying it anything, I wasted my money last time,
#5
I haven't liked you since the first time I saw you. My [stepdad]. Met me when I was 7.
There’s also emotional harm. This kind can take many forms – from constant criticizism, dismissal of their feelings, calling them names, or just saying nasty things. That’s what we’re going to focus on today: terrible things parents told their kids and how it impacted them.
Let’s take a look at our list - it’s full of examples of such occurrences. All of these examples were shared by people on the Mumsnet forum when someone asked folks to share the worst things their parents said to them, and, oh boy, they delivered. The post got over 300 replies, so we decided to make a list of the most interesting takes. That’s how this collection was born.
#7
You're short and take after your Mom's side of the family. Better be careful or you'll wind up fat.
Mabelbabel 6 months ago
When I was 13, my mother told me it was lucky that I was intelligent and would get a good job, because looking like I did, I'd never find a man to look after me. 40+ years later, I have a good career, a lovely husband, and 3 stepkids that I couldn't love more if I'd given birth to them. I haven't spoken to my mother in 10+ years.
#8
From my mum
You are always so weird when you come back from your dad's..
I was 8 years old saw my dad once every 3 weeks.
#9
Having made a lot of effort to get dressed up for a wedding in my 20's at a size 12... "you would look beautiful if you lost weight"
Sadly, it’s a heartbreaking one. For instance, parents blaming their kids for their divorce, berating their looks, or even telling them they regret having them. Well, apparently, parents can find a lot of ways to hurt their kids with words.
The thing is that these things tend to stick with people. It’s no secret that children absorb everything that’s spoken around or to them like sponges, both good and bad. So, if a parent chooses to say negative or especially hurtful words to a kid, it can do quite a lot of damage.
#10
If everyone else knew what you were really like, they wouldn’t like you.
I made you, I can do whatever I want to you / it’s not your hair, it’s mine, I made it.
I’m never sure which personality disorder she has, but I’m pretty sure she’s got one.
#11
I was born at 27 weeks so spent the first part of my life in hospital, as a child my mum regularly told me that it was so boring sitting next to my incubator all day and she used to pray I'd just die. She also regularly told me she wished she'd had an abortion.
#12
Maybe if you had done more housework he wouldn't have had to hit you.
For starters, it can damage the relationship between a parent and a child. If someone is saying nasty things to you, especially if they revolve around you, there’s no way it doesn’t cause at least a little strain between you and them.
It can also diminish a kid's self-worth and propagate a pessimistic worldview. If someone keeps telling you bad things about you or the world, at some point, you might start at least partially believing them. After all, when you hear things often enough, they start to sound true. It’s something called the illusory truth effect.
#13
No- one will ever love you, because of the way you are.
Years of therapy to unpack that one!
Beak Hookage 6 months ago
Some of the worst people on earth still have loved ones. Just felt I should point that out.
#14
Oh where to start with my mother:
You're so fat (many times, including the day before my wedding)
I wish I had never had children because you're such a disappointment (at least a dozen times)
You like your children too much (?!)
Those stick out
#15
My dad's always been a bully - never physical but verbally. The day after my darling husband died from cancer he told my teenage daughter that id "bumped" him off to get my hands on his money.
I very rarely see him now - I can't bear to even look at him.
Michael Largey 6 months ago
If I was this guy I wouldn't be giving my daughter ideas about murdering a male family member.
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. People telling each other terrible things is never good, but another level of despicableness is added when these things come from a parent’s mouth to a child’s ear. The sad thing about it is how relatively often such events happen.
Do you have any similar examples you would like to get off your chest? Do so in the comments!
#16
I'll never be attractive or get a man with the way I am..I was 14.
I'll never forget the day she sat me down to explain why my sibling was her favourite
Beak Hookage 6 months ago
Because that's the only thing that should matter to a woman, even when she's literally a CHILD: looking pretty and getting a man. How very empowering, Mommy.
#17
"If you were a proper mother your children would have been brought up properly and treated their grandparents with respect, and I would have a better relationship with them".
From the woman who never babysat once.
Last time I saw her. She's dead now thankfully, but I'll be a long time in therapy. I know now she was a covert narcissist. Horrific.
#18
My mother "I wish I'd [ended[ you whilst it was legal", I was 13. Needless to say I have nothing to do with her as an adult
#19
'You're an awful nasty person and people don't actually like you. If they knew the real you they'd know how you're not actually this nice person you pretend to be. I know the real truth about how awful you are' - from my 'mother'
I was so young, maybe 9 or 10. I was, as I am now, an easy, likeable person. I think this was the first time I'd really understood that my mother hated me and begun to understand what a manipulative gas-lighter she was. I'm very grateful she can no longer harm me and is no longer in my life. Good riddance.
#20
Both parents told me I was a mistake. I'd worked that out from the short gap between their wedding and my date of birth to be honest!
When I had my first DC, they told all my family that I wouldn't let them see the baby. I had concerned aunties ringing me up telling me to include them. They'd seen us twice a week including being the first people to meet the baby. Hmm
#21
That she thought she was miscarrying whilst pregnant with me, and seeing how I turned out she wished she had.
She's a nasty, bitter, old [witch]. I've got an amazing family who love me. I wish I could be the bigger person and wish her well, but I can't. I wish her many years of misery.
#22
"If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to really cry about"
Nichole Harris 6 months ago
Oooo I got this one too! Along with I brought you into this world I can take you out of it too 😜
#23
When I was 24 weeks pregnant my mum said 'don't buy anything yet, we don't actually know for sure if you'll get a baby at the end of this'. This was my miracle pregnancy after years of infertility. My mum is autistic though and she's really an absolute sweetheart, she'd never want to hurt anyone but she doesn't have a filter and that was like 'ouch'.
#24
You're boring and no one in the family likes you. I was about 11.. I was a bit of a bookworm and didn't like family parties where they were all drinking.
#25
As a child they said some really awful things but the worst was when I invited my mum along to our baby scan where we found out we were having a girl (which DH and I were delighted about, however my mum has yet to get the grandson she so desperately wants) and she just said ‘oh well, there’s always next time’. 🙃
YakFactory 6 months ago
Just be pleased to have a healthy baby. So many couples try for years to have a baby, and a healthy one is all you want. It took us nine years before I was pregnant, and the gender was not at the top of my mind. A healthy baby was!
#26
That it was all my fault she was unwell and if she had never had me then she would have had a great life.
Also, it was good my little boy died at birth as all the men in our family aren't right in the head, and I wouldn't want a son like that 😭
#27
Once you turn 18, you're not entitled to unconditional love from us.
Charles McChristy 6 months ago
Then it was never unconditional. That is literally a condition.
#28
From my mother when I didn’t invite her to something: ‘You’re so selfish, maybe I had you too late’ (she was 37) and she told my brother that I should think myself lucky because she ‘could have had me adopted’.
#29
"If any of you are gay, you're disgusting and no longer part of this family" (to me and my siblings)
#30
''You are stupid you and always will be'' from my father after failing my 11 plus.
''You are a vain little madam'' from my mother when I wanted to wear girly clothes. She was never cut out to be the mother of girls.
#31
“Either you throw him out (my parents lent me money from my trust to buy a half share in a flat, while I took out a mortgage to pay the other half); or we’ll throw you out. We don’t want mixed race grandchildren!”
My boyfriend was Chinese!
Michael Largey 6 months ago
I don't get the exclamation point. Did the OP expect her racist parents make an exception when it came to the Chinese?
#32
Oh I remember another, took my watch (I was about 10) told me I couldn’t be trusted to go out as I hadn’t been honest about losing my watch
#33
When I went to school orientation they said my gym class was being replaced with a required reading class because of my dyslexia. She turned to me with extreme anger on her face and when we got home she said that everyday I have to excerise and tell her what I did and for how long.
#34
When I first alerted my Dad that I was being bullied at High School. I had explained it was two girls in a different year to me had no classes with or any reason to speak with me. They randomly started on me at break times and after school. One threatening to beat me up. His response was basically that I must have started it.
Charles McChristy 6 months ago
Oh, this is almost as good as my father telling me I couldn't fight back.
#35
Of course you've got back ache you spend most of your time on it
#36
Absolutely nothing. If I had to pick something it would have to be "tidy your bedroom"
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LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
All heard repeatedly from my mother, during my childhood/teen years: "You should be GRATEFUL I adopted you." - "Your biological mother is gutter trash, and you're just like her." - "Your bio mom is a druggíe junkíe alcoholíc, and you're going to end up one too." - "I don't know WHY you got so fat/got such huge bööbs, your bio mom and sister are twigs and flat-chested." (extra ironic because my mom is obese) - "You're not depressed, you just want attention." - "You want to k!ll yourself? People who commit suícide are selfish ássholes." - "Mental illness isn't real, you're just SAYING you feel bad." - "We only adopted you because I didn't want your sister to be an only child." (my older sister is my parents' bio child.) My mother ábused me in every single way you can ábuse a child. Luckily my dad was a great dad (though weak-willed - AND she ábused him too, including physically.)
Ellinor 6 months ago (edited)
I was 7 years old and my step-father and my mother just had a fight because of me (he never wanted kids so everything I did pissed him). He had left the house for the night to calm down and my mother turned to me and she said 2 things. "If he leaves me because of you, I'll never forgive you", and "you're a vampire, a leech, sucking dry my happiness out just like them." I was 14 when they broke-up and the first thing I asked my mother was if it was my fault. (and my father didn't had to say mean things to me, I think beating me was far enough)
ElfVibratorGlitter 6 months ago
Things from my mom's mouth: "yes, but I actually love your sister." And "I don't love you." She doesn't wonder why I'm estranged from her.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
All heard repeatedly from my mother, during my childhood/teen years: "You should be GRATEFUL I adopted you." - "Your biological mother is gutter trash, and you're just like her." - "Your bio mom is a druggíe junkíe alcoholíc, and you're going to end up one too." - "I don't know WHY you got so fat/got such huge bööbs, your bio mom and sister are twigs and flat-chested." (extra ironic because my mom is obese) - "You're not depressed, you just want attention." - "You want to k!ll yourself? People who commit suícide are selfish ássholes." - "Mental illness isn't real, you're just SAYING you feel bad." - "We only adopted you because I didn't want your sister to be an only child." (my older sister is my parents' bio child.) My mother ábused me in every single way you can ábuse a child. Luckily my dad was a great dad (though weak-willed - AND she ábused him too, including physically.)
Ellinor 6 months ago (edited)
I was 7 years old and my step-father and my mother just had a fight because of me (he never wanted kids so everything I did pissed him). He had left the house for the night to calm down and my mother turned to me and she said 2 things. "If he leaves me because of you, I'll never forgive you", and "you're a vampire, a leech, sucking dry my happiness out just like them." I was 14 when they broke-up and the first thing I asked my mother was if it was my fault. (and my father didn't had to say mean things to me, I think beating me was far enough)
ElfVibratorGlitter 6 months ago
Things from my mom's mouth: "yes, but I actually love your sister." And "I don't love you." She doesn't wonder why I'm estranged from her.
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