The savage art of the comeback is something that we should all take the time and dedication to master. There are very few things in life as satisfying as completely and utterly decimating someone with your wit, your snappiness, and your banter. And if you throw some good old-fashioned logic and common sense into the mix? Whew, you’re a legend.
The place that celebrates these “well-constructed put-downs, comebacks, and counter-arguments” is the legendary ‘Murdered By Words’ subreddit. Boasting a whopping 2.5 million members, r/MurderedByWords shares the best comebacks that we all wish we came up with ourselves. And, well, during the actual arguments, not days later while we’re shampooing our hair in the shower.
One of the moderators helping manage the vast r/MurderedByWords community answered some of my questions about the community. "The way we see it, a murder should (but doesn't always have to) be more than a quick response or retort. The best murders are well-constructed, thought-out responses that leave the opening argument completely without any ability to reply. In other words, their point has been totally demolished," the mod explained to Bored Panda.
"Now, obviously there's more than one way to murder with words, and sometimes a quick rapier thrust or stab to the heart (a short, swift reply) can be just as deadly as a drawn-out murder, and you'll frequently see both types in this sub," they added. Scroll down for the moderator's insights about how they and their colleagues tackle the challenges that come with managing such a large online community.
Check out the best online verbal put-downs, upvote the ones that impressed you the most, and be sure to give r/MurderedByWords a follow if you’re a fan of their stuff. When you’re done with this article, you’ll find some more inspiration for your future epic comebacks by checking out our previous features of the subreddit here, here, and here. Somebody call the police and the coroner because these ‘word-murders’ are out of control.
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Red Shirts Everywhere...
I Think This Belongs Here Too
I saw this documentary about the girl being raped in the bus in india. One of the rapeist said "it take two hands to clap". That kind of human being ask questions like that. The kind that think women want to be raped.
Load More Replies...The real question is: would you marry a man that asks these kind of questions?
No one unless they are forced to or have absolutely no self confidence
Load More Replies...The problem is Ancsuri, that there are many more humans like the one who ask that kind of questions and commit all the cruel, evil acts.
Load More Replies...Hopefully no one will marry Dawad. On the other hand, I would happily marry Hammad
Load More Replies...Well Dawood, quit getting your rape gang together and stalking places where you can trap some poor woman, and maybe that would solve your problem. (In a similar vein; I’m 60, and when I was in my twenties I remember some dickhead saying he only wanted to marry a virgin, but couldn’t find any. I said “Well, you probably are finding them, so just stop trying to f**k them on the first date”.)
My ex knew my past and would call me "damaged goods". F-ed me up to this day.
Abusing the abused... F**k this guy and everything related to him. He is in your past and the past does not define you, but the choices you make now.
Load More Replies...I remember vividly being a child in the 1970s and being told that basically we should keep sexual assault to ourselves if it ever happened because men couldn't handle knowing we were damaged goods. So, to all of the millennials and others claiming they don't need feminism-GenX, Boomers, and all who came before you to fight that crap say f*** you. Do your parts so your children don't fight the same damn fight we've fought my entire life.
Thank you. I was "Date Raped" at 16. You're correct, it's an adjective. As a result, I became a mother at 17, part of who I am. I learned to separate the two words and meanings a very long time ago.
I am sorry this happened to you, but so glad you learned to separate the two! Some people might not be able to heal from it or separate it (ever). I wish nobody would get raped. Though I am deeply afraid that this is still many years away, if ever. Looking at this likely reality: I hope everyone who had/has to endure this will heal as fast as doable. I know it takes a LOT of time & healing which is really needed. That is why I said as fast as doable (which varies for everyone), not just fast. I also hope all will be able to separate it after(/while) healing. Looking at this probable reality which I mentioned before, this is one of my deepest wishes in my life (it never happening again is of course an even deeper wish). Please correct me if I said something insensitive/wrong. Since I have not gone through this, I know I can still learn how to phrase things better regarding this (and learning what/what not to say). I tried to explain everything as accurate as I could. LOVE!
Load More Replies...Thank you! This also applies to women with a “high body count” For the record judging a girl by her body count is in fact slût shaming which is not ok 😐
What, where and in what culture this kind of discussion even emerges? Never have I encountered this kind of talk in English, only when referring to history or some tribal beliefs.
U don't need to answer the question of a person whose username is this !! #BSalert
The sad thing is though I think many males would back away from someone who had been raped. It's is part of the men can sleep with many females and it is regarded as OK, but if a female had many men, the attitude would be very different.
You act like you don't care about rape, then refuse to date a girl whose gone through it. It's not a personality trait, it's a traumatic thing that you shouldn't use to try to assume who a person is..
I am finding it really hard to understand why this question even needs to be posted. I'm guessing that you are single and hopefully you always will be.
Well the thing about rape is that it does not happen by the choice of the victim. It was not something that happened due to a bad decition on her hand, it was somethings someone else chose to force on her. It does not mean that she is "cheap" or promiscuous or has a bad taste in men, it means that she was a victim of crime that someone else chose to commit against her. She is the victim, so stop blaming her for whatever you think it is that she did. The only issue with being with someone who was raped, is that they might have (rightfully so) developed some trust issues, so you need to proceed slowly and step with caution, and perhaps increase the number of check ins you do to make sure that everything happens with her concent and in a tempo that she is capable of handeling (more so than usual, you should always be sure you are on the same page when it comes to sex). If you can't master that level of patience and empathy, then you are right that you shouldn't marry her.
Umm, what? It makes sense to say, "Hey, it is not her fault that she was raped." But to say that the idea of identifying a person as "someone who was raped" is somehow invalid is just ... nonsensical. I don't bristle if someone calls me a "divorced man". I was accused of a crime once -- I was innocent and the police quickly realized that and eliminated me as a suspect -- but I wouldn't bristle if someone then (or now) called me an "accused person". etc.
Don't marry anyone. It's a trap ! Oh, and in that context, raped IS an adjective.
Wow-BP just removed my long ranting comment despite it describing myself!
I think the matter in the case of this post is regarding the fact that the girl is no longer a virgin. Its a religious fcked up thing.
Load More Replies...Women Aren't People, Apparently
The moderator representing r/MurderedByWords shared with me that they have a very thorough vetting system in place for new mods. "We manage the community by being a tight-knit group of moderators who are all carefully vetted before being given the position, to ensure the stability of the subreddit and that good content gets through," they said. However, it's not just the mods who decide whether or not a comeback can be classified as a 'murder.' That honor is also given to the community members themselves.
"Overall, we believe in letting the subreddit determine what is or isn't a murder, and try to step in or remove posts only when the rules are broken or we see the same post for the gazillionth time," the mod explained.
According to the moderator, the community has its own challenges, just like any other large subreddit. "Every single post will always have someone who says, 'Not a murder,' 'This sub is dying/dead,' 'Mods suck,' etc. That comes with the territory of any subreddit, from smallest to largest," they told Bored Panda that these sorts of comments are completely unavoidable, no matter what the community might be. However, a bigger issue is... politics.
Yes, The Answer Is Yes
Who Doesn't Love Irony?
Far Too Many People See The Answer To This As Being "Yes"
"Another challenge that came up was when we decided before the US Presidential Elections to ban politics from the sub (there is a sticky at the top of the subreddit outlining what is/isn't allowed). Somehow, we managed to have both sides of the political spectrum pissed off at us for that one. Democrats complaining we had caved to the Republicans who kept getting 'owned,' and Republicans complaining because this was one big left-wing [echo chamber] and now they couldn't even respond with their own posts. We then made the ban permanent, but we still have to remove plenty of posts which fit the criteria for the no-politics rule."
But at the core of it all are practical challenges like finding ways to keep the subreddit growing and full of fresh content that will keep redditors happy. "We're lucky in that we frequently create posts that reach the front page and receive tens of thousands of upvotes (many have even passed the 100k upvote mark), which in turn helps draw attention to the sub, which creates more content, etc."
The Media Makes It To Be A Feel Good Story Over A Dystopian Nightmare
You’re An Asstrovert
Let’s All Make A Pledge
Nearly two years ago, I had a friendly chat with redditor Xor50, who’d been one of the moderators helping run r/MurderedByWords. They told me a bit about the community that has been running since December 2016, the type of content the subreddit features (and how it differs from similar subreddits like r/clevercomebacks), and how to give your put-down more substance.
“A ‘real murder’ in terms of this subreddit would be [this]: A murder should be a response to something or someone that totally, for lack of a better word, destroys them. They are, of course, subjective, and should be more or less based on fact,” Xor50 told Bored Panda previously.
Don't B Confused
More C-19 Experts..
Am I So Out Of Touch? No, It's The Children Who Are Wrong
“What is the difference between a ‘murder’ and ‘burn’ anyway? The mod team and even the MBW community has struggled for over a year to try and define the difference. It’s quite subjective and nearly an ‘I know it when I see it!’ situation, however, there are some generalities,” the redditor explained that there have been debates about the details of what constitutes a ‘murder.’
“Murders tend to be longer. It’s nearly impossible to ‘murder’ someone inside of a tweet. It’s just not long enough. You can burn them pretty good yes but a ‘murder’ is far more complete,” they said.
“Basically, anything that you would think is a witticism, one-liner, snappy comeback, or hot take is going to be a burn. Those may be a better fit for /r/clevercomebacks. Murders tend to be long-form, taking a minute or several to read, and thoroughly deconstruct an argument and/or the person making it.”
Columbus Day
🤣 That reply has some zing to it, anyone know where I can find that spcie?
Murdered By Wit
I Like The Second Guy’s Energy
Xor50 added that your personal passion for a topic can help inspire you to find a clever way to put down someone’s bad arguments. “Think about a topic you’re really passionate about and imagine you’re talking to an idiot who just doesn’t get it. That’s how I imagine it,” they said.
The art of the comeback isn’t out of reach for us, no matter how epic and unreachable some of these slap-backs and roasts might seem.
Classic Karen
Yeah, That'll Work
That’s Got To Hurt
British comedy writer and stand-up comedian Ariane Sherine explained to me during an earlier interview what the most important parts of a comeback are. “I think the most important thing with comebacks is speed. Even if the joke isn't a total zinger, people will be impressed by your quickfire response," she told Bored Panda.
According to Ariane, most stand-up comics actually have a “repertoire of comebacks” that they rely on while on the stage. This way, they can be prepared for hecklers and (at least some) unexpected situations. There’s a lot of prep that goes into being a good comedian!
“We're not all as fast and talented as it seems! But if we're doing stand-up, our own routines will be original—it's just heckle putdowns that might not be," she said.
How Dare We Give You The Correct Amount Of Changes
Bit Of A Stretch
What's with people and body hair? If you like body hair, good for you. If you don't, also good for you. No need to body shame someone for something that occurs naturally. It's like insulting someone for having legs. I'm looking at you, female beauty standards
Seriously What Is Wrong With You
Ariane revealed to Bored Panda that comedy professionals build up emotional resilience with time and experience.
“Heckle putdowns are generally shared among comics so there's no code of honor when it comes to using them (but you mustn't nick original stand-up material!),” Ariane told me where we can find some inspiration for clever comebacks.
Good Luck To The Women In Your Future
Entitled Karen Getting Stabbed By Words
Get Wrecked...
The comedy writer also pointed out that comebacks can either be spontaneous or more planned out (if you’ve got the time), depending on the actual comic.
"It [the comeback] needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable,” she said, adding that it’s relatively rare in her experience to have spontaneous eruptions of genius all the time. “That's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!"
Research Before You Sprouts Anything On Social Media
Better Check Those Facts
Handle With Care
'As a man, the only emotion you should show is forest hack-saw domination', said, a conservative.
Why Go Out Of Your Way To Be An As**ole?
This Doubles As A Til About The Spanish Anthem
Once Wasn't Enough, He Came Back For More
Rip Sportsball Fan
I completely support LGBTQ rights because LGBTQ people are the same as us heterosexuals, they just have different romantic preferences. They don't deserve to be treated as less than us...
God vs. Humanity
Trying To Gatekeep Conversations
What the actual f*ck is the original poster thinking? This must be one of the stupidest things I have ever read.
I've Had A 32" TV For Longer Than I'd Like To Admit
Oh, No! Anything But That!
US heath insurance is a scam... And textbooks are a scam... And minimum wage is a scam... Basically everything is a scam
The Ol' Switcheroo
Who Ever Will Fight A Wolf ?
But How Will They Make Money If They Can't Take Advantage Of People?!??
What Are Crab Cakes?
Doctor Of Reading?
Sounds like the symptoms of covid...so people without vaccination tend to get covid symptoms ... Who'd ave guessed?
I Don’t Really Know If This Counts But..
1) why would you be this pretentious in the first place 2) why would you be so pretentious on a god damn memes page...
Just So We’re Clear
It's Almost As If
You Can't Justify Her Actions No Matter What
He was trying to create a new line of skin care products...to sell in baskets....
I Once Knew A Peacock
Why Beat Around The Bush?
I'm Pro-Control Over Women
On The Right Track
The lines look pretty straight to me. I would say that train represents everything
He Should've Been Wearing A Helmet
That's Exactly What You Are Supposed To Do
Is There Even One?
Wait, Are They Not Supposed To Do That?
He's Got A Point...
It is a shame he died, and a bigger shame that this will not be a wake up call and many more children and adults will die because of it. I mourn for those who can not be protected - for them I will continue to wear a mask and physically distance for the foreseeable future... Same thing I said March 2020 ( except now I am vaxxed).
Found On R/Whitepeopletwitter
In Canada, violent offenders can legally use the excuse of being too high or drunk to be expected to remember that they aren't allowed to assault or end other people. It's insane. The Supreme Court of Canada issued a major decision on Friday allowing criminal defendants in cases involving assault — including sexual assault — to use a defence known as self-induced extreme intoxication. https://www.google.com/amp/s/globalnews.ca/news/8832723/supreme-court-canada-extreme-intoxication/amp/
You Could Say These Facebook Moms Got Murdered By Numbers
How about: Stop posting quotes that aren't your own or co-opting them out of their context?
Be Better Or Get Roasted
Eh, social anxiety isn’t required in order to respect someone (and I say this as someone who has social anxiety.)
How To Slay A Troll…
Someone Is In Need Of Some Additional Schooling
Amendments aren't "rewrites". They are additions or deletions of specific conditions regarding the framework of the federal government.
Local Dog Warden Gets A Fakely Horrible Review; Reviewer Gets Called Out On Their Bullshit
[zany game show host] It's time to play "GUESS THE IDENTITY OF THE FAKE REVIEW!" [monotone] It's PETA.
I Never Know What To Title Cross Posts
Some People Are Just Dumb
Linus Getting Roasted By His Wife
How Dare You Work Only One Job To Support Your Family?
Extremist Vegans
Sex And The Church Have Always Gone Hand-In-Hand
Decline Of Births In The Us
Birth decline is a good thing anyway. The world is massively overpopulated.
Shots Fired. Man Down. I Repeat. Man Down
Meg Does Not Understand Sunflowers
Maybe Don't Argue With The Writer?
Nothing But A Chalk Outline At The Murder Scene
Got Eeemmmmmm
Murdered By Facts
That's A Spicy Rost
All you need to do is show the ignorant a copy of the FCC frequency spectrum allocation map. The horrible "5G" is just a teeny tiny drop in the bucket of radio traffic. https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c7/United_States_Frequency_Allocations_Chart_2016_-_The_Radio_Spectrum.pdf
Parent Of The Year
And Then Going To A Government-Funded Burn Center
Anti-Vaxxer Thinks Vaccines Are Dangerous Drugs
The thing is those companies aren't drug dealers. They''re manufacturers. The dealers would be doctors.
Comment From A Youtube Video That Was Generalising Millenials As Instagram Addicts That Only Care About Instant Gratification
I'm Gen X. Grew up fearing immediate nuclear holocaust, Reaganomics (1991, onward), had a lifetime of savings vanish in 2008, and saw friends and family at risk 9/11 onwards, replacing USSR nukes with terrorist nukes, and somehow.... somehow! .... after all that, and being able to, y'know, function without hand-holding... We're lumped in with boomers, zoomers, and Y-ners. Did I go generationalist? Yes, to show how utterly silly it is. We all have crap. The end.
Reply Is On Point
Do you know what the typical baby (older than a newborn) does if you put a blanket over their head while they try to eat? They fling it off! Or they wave it like a flag. Or they unlatch, scream like a banshee and flail about until the blanket is on the floor. All far less "discrete" than mom just feeding her baby however they are both most comfortable.
Gravity Falls Creator Alex Hirsch Murders Disney With Words
Out Of Touch
I'm in healthcare, and yes. The Delta Variant is killing adults in my area, aged 20-50, the people who largely given a pass by the 2020 virus. GET VACCINATED!!! And even if you're vaccinated, mask indoors, socially distance, and clean your hands at every opportunity, because the virus doesn't make you 100% immune.
The Entire Race Of Karens Would Like A Word
Everyone Just Needs To Make Love, Not Warcraft
Yup. Gaming is now, and has been for years, a job and a possible career. Not the easiest one to get the ball rolling, but hey it is what it is
Bandwagon Minister Getting Burned
I Love My Grandma So Much. She Got Her Point Across Without Being Mean To The Family Friend
Protecting White Cops
That One Might Sting A Little In The Morning
Yup! But truthfully, there are anti-mask protests in Germany now, so American turd-thinkers aren’t alone.
Mighty White Of You
Well He’s Not Wrong
How To Change Earth's Orbit?
I Too Hate Freeloaders
Maths Is Hard
Was Going Through My Screenshots When I Found This. Dunno If It's Appropriate For This Sub Or Not
Wendy’s Twitter Is Savage
Apparently I Own KFC And P*rnhub
You buy a big mac, you become the owner of a big mac. Renting basically means I'm paying a lot of money to own nothing. Seriously, in a lot of places monthly rent is higher than the mortgage payments on a place, for an inferior quality product because a lot of landlords don't perform basic maintenance or respect tenants' rights.
Not To Mention She Beat Out Two Other Drivers...
You See, Mexican Goats Are More Potent Than American Goats
Lil Nas X Claps Back At Yet Another Homophobe
She Doesn't Look Ancient Egyptian To Me
A Wonderful Secret
Tell Me You Have No Idea What Crt Is Without Telling Me You Have No Idea What Crt Is
Yeah, Well, That's Just, Like, Your Opinion, Man
I don't quite get this one, the person posting with the blue banner is the idiot. HDPE fuel tanks have been used in cars for at least 25 years now and HDPE has been used to make fuel storage containers for much longer, in fact HDPE is widely used to make chemical storage containers because of its high resistance to solvants.
"That's Not Fair!! You Cheated!!" *stamps Feet And Pouts*
Too Many Actual Flesh-And-Blood People Fail The Turing Test
He's a Gay Scientist instead of a Scientist Gay because that's literally how the language works.
Much Ado About Nothing
I didn't see the word man but I did see MANner, comMANder, deMANd.
When The Nz Opposition Thinks He’s Asking Important Questions On Total Healthcare Reform
Also, Shane Reti’s party is the reason why Andrew Little and Jacinda are having to dig our healthcare system out of such a big hole, and their voters are a big part of why the progress is so slow.
New Theory: The Earth Is Made Of LEGO And We’re All Being Mind-Controlled Into Thinking It Looks Normal /S
Shaq With The Smackdown!
I'm Not A Racist Asshole, But...
Robot Bugs. No Way That Could Ever Go Wrong
Yeah, scientists, it’s your fault that the environment is in such bad shape. It’s not like you’ve been sounding the alarm for decades or anything. Clearly the reason why you’re researching backup plans is because you just don’t care, rather than because those in power aren’t acting on your findings with the urgency that is needed.
He Had No Reason To Kill That Poor Guy Like That!
By definition the US is a 3rd world country. That's not even a joke. What "we" as "developed" countries usually do is send lots and lots of food, medical help and whatnot, but we can't help those who don't want our help. Don't kid yourself, (north) America is most definitely a 3rd world country! Google it if you don't believe me. (Edit: you can't tell me people aren't starving and deprived of medical assistence)
Step 1: Open Mouth. Step 2: Insert Foot. Repeat As Necessary
Gotta Love Sports Rivalries
He's Still Looking For A Model
Holy, I Didn't Expect Discord To Hit Me That Hard
I Still Don't Know How He Had -3 Yards For A Whole 16 Game Season
I Guess Cancel Culture Only Works One Way
Cancel Culture is only good when it aims at the right people. Twitter does not aim it at the right people.
Cooking Elitism At Its Finest
Literal Chad Murders Twitch In Steam Deck Launch Tweet
An Apache Helicopter Has Machine Guns And Missiles. It Is An Unbelievably Impressive Complement Of Weaponry, An Absolute Death Machine
Straight up lying and “disagreements” aren’t the same. Lethal misinformation like “Vaccines are government tracking devices that cause autism“ is not the same as “respect someone’s gender identity“ also just you suck.
Sometimes I actually forget that so many people are so completely stupid. Thank you for reminding me because it's important to remember.
Idiots being like "BP users are just looking to get offended" while being a BP user
I had to quit reading. I've never read so many stupid, uncaring remarks in all my life!
I keep hearing Only Fans on the internet lately, but I have a feeling I shouldn't bother Googling it.
Sometimes I actually forget that so many people are so completely stupid. Thank you for reminding me because it's important to remember.
Idiots being like "BP users are just looking to get offended" while being a BP user
I had to quit reading. I've never read so many stupid, uncaring remarks in all my life!
I keep hearing Only Fans on the internet lately, but I have a feeling I shouldn't bother Googling it.