Funerals, by and large, are not the sort of events one attends to hear something funny, unless the deceased had a sense of humor and wanted to play one last joke. However, there is something about the mixture of loss, grief and brief, public attention that can somehow produce downright comical results, if one is willing to look past the morbid context.
A netizen asked “What’s the weirdest thing you ever heard in a funeral?” and people shared the wildest and most unhinged statements folks made. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to add your own thoughts in the comments section below.
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I was at a funeral recently for a friend who committed [self-harm]. Largely in part because he was gay and his family wouldn’t accept him. His dad was a seventh day Adventist and the preacher was saying that we all have a guardian Angel. That his guardian Angel could have saved him but he didn’t because it’s gods plan.
“And we thank god for the train that hit him, we thank god.”
We absolutely do not thank god, he was 20, I wanted to punch that guy in that mouth.
Again, religion teaches hateful people it's ok to be hateful as long as you can spin a Bible verse to fit your particular brand of intolerance
I wouldn't have been able to hold my tongue. I know we all think we'd know what we'd say in these situations, even so I feel like my body would compel me to react
My God, what a deplorable thing to say! And out of the mouth of a preacher, no less!
Oooh, I would not have been able to keep my mouth closed in such a situation. I would have walked up to the front, and said his parents, and his church could have saved him if only they had shown the love and compassion demonstrated by Jesus. And that I would pray that each member of his family and congregation would meet their own 'personal train', and we would rejoice with them.
My grandfather with dementia at my grandma funeral yelled out "what the f**k was that all about" when the minister/ pastor finished his speech.
Not too weird, but it was hilarious at the time. Miss that ol guy a lot.
The minister at my gran’s funeral made her out to be a sweet old lady who everyone loved - when she was a mean spirited evil old witch. I involuntarily laughed but managed to disguise it as a sob - made worse when someone in the pew behind me patted me on the back.
Similar thing happened at my grandmother’s funeral. The minister said my grandmother was an angel sent by God. Several of my cousins and I busted out laughing. We were told to leave and not show our faces at the reception.
Load More Replies...At my grandma's funeral, the vicar went on and on about how she made spaghetti bolognese and wonderful meals, and to remember all the times she had cooked spaghetti bolognese, and hosted us as a family. My nanna never cooked, ever. She never hosted. She was a miserable, cold, evil, and bitter woman who did nothing good for her family, for society, nor anyone else. She had no friends. Only the immediate family showed up to her funeral, and that was because we had a sense of obligation. We all sat looking around at each other dumbfounded. No one had prompted the vicar to say these things. He just made it up.
My uncle has dementia. He is in his 80s, but he has been "lucky" in that he seems to have kind of regressed to an uninhibited teenager. Our whole Irish catholic family is at his older brother's wake. It wasn't unexpected, so it was fairly light hearted, but still sad. So the line is long, people waiting to kneel in front of the coffin and say a prayer. And there is my uncle dancing around in front of everyone. Trying to get any home he could to get up and do a jig with him. Originally everyone was trying to get him to stop, but eventually we just went with it. A lot of cry-laughing that day. A wonderful memory of a horrible disease.
An elder neighbor and I wre sitting together at a mutual friends funeral...he locked at me and asked "who is that in the box up there?"..I told him who it was .abd he replued"I knew that was who was in there last night, but didn't know who they had in there today"!...this was at a Pentecostal Church... it was all I could to contain the laughter...but at same time felt bad for him...and he was driving..because his wife was in worse shape than he...
My good friend’s dad was an alcoholic. He shot himself after shooting his girlfriend in a drunken argument. My friend was to give the eulogy. “All my dad taught me was how to open a beer with a lighter” and walked away.
I was asked to give the eulogy to a man that was manipulating and molesting young woman as a guru. everybody knew ,everybody denied( even the obvious manipulated women) so when it comes to remember him : I just told them I will miss the funeral cause if you can't say anything nice,say nothing..and that's statement enough even if I always imagined to dance on his grave,cause this I told him as he threatened me once,cause I empowered some women to walk away
The only thing I learnt from the two breeders was NOT to be like them: impatient, selfish, hypocritical, violent, narcissistic, self-rationalizing. I'm glad I share nothing with them.
"We all know he isn't going g to Heaven, he didn't go to church "
As a believer of Christ I would never say this at a funeral. It's not our place to question or judge others.
An idiot who goes to the doctor but ignores their advice doesn't not prove that medicine is not a good practice. It just means some people suck. Same applies.
Load More Replies...Clearly this preacher doesn't know his scripture. Judge not lest thou be judged for example. Bunch of hypocrites.
Humanist funerals are a lot more common and focus on the persons life rather than all the other nonsense. It’s a much nicer way to say goodbye to your loved one.
"For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them" no "church" needed...
There was a story about this 20 or so years ago. The pederast pastor insulted the woman who died because she stopped attenting that cult building. She stopped going because she was an invalid and couldn't leave the house anymore.
People are going to judge you no matter what you think/act/do/say, so just live your life the way you want.
“Ah she makes a lovely corpse”
Gotta love old Irish women.
THIS!!!! You get Internet Points for the LiZa reference
Load More Replies...“Doesn’t she look well!” - if I had a penny for every such comment heard at an Irish open coffin wake…
My great uncle looked much better in his coffin than when he was alive so high praise for the undertaker’s craft.
Load More Replies...I've heard something like, "she never loved as beautiful as she did today, in her funeral.."
The minister decided to preach to us about how being gay is a sin that leads to hell. This was at my 83 year old, totally not gay, great aunts funeral. He mentioned all sorts of sins that lead to hell but didn't mention a single time how my great aunt was a devout Christian and literally nothing he said applied to her. Guy forgot it was a funeral and went right into his insane bigoted Christian b******t.
I'm not so sure about that. What if we made one where God was just someone to blame things on? Like you go to church and the preacher goes to his podium and starts going like, "Well that Almighty D******d has sure f*****g done it this time."
Load More Replies...My grandfather was not deeply religious and when he passed my grandma told the preacher, don't start preaching. This is a funeral, he and I do not want it to be a mini-sermon for you to gather more followers, essentially. Well, half way through the funeral he starts preaching about how we never know the day and we need to be ready and my grandma just starts in "nope, move along" and boy when grandma said that he wrapped it up in a hurry.
This is how you do it. Grandma gave explicit instructions on how her husband's funeral was to go and where the "no go" parts were. The preacher did not respect that, so she has every right to correct the situation. Good on her! The preacher didn't respect her wishes, so she doesn't need to worry about "disrespecting" him by stopped him in his tracks. If there is any salvation to come from a funeral it should mainly be from the person's life, their legacy, speaking into the person. A funeral is a celebration of life which causes us to reflect on the deceased, their impact on us, and our own fragility. A preacher really doesn't need to add a push in a situation like that.
Load More Replies...This is why I advocate for humanist funerals. No religion and the service is all.about the person and celebrating their life.
I HATE,absolutely HATE it,when peope abuse Christianity like this!! 😡
Exactly! People shouldn't "use" Christianity; they should live it.
Load More Replies...Priest did this at the funeral of a friend who had been murdered, saying the wages of sin are death. If you don't want to end up like Ashley, see me after the service. I was appalled.
Oh no no, I wouldn't have been able to not say something. Wtf.
Load More Replies...Sounds like he needs to retire, desperately. Thats absolutely senile.
or just normal behaviour for some (self?) hating humans?
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Not said but felt really out of place when someone handed me popcorn..
My great uncle was an author who worked with Ripleys and covered alot of odd and spooky history. But his favorite subject was the circus so they hung old circus banners and handed out popcorn to everyone.
Hands down an amazing funeral full of laughs and interesting people.
The popcorn was the equivalent of Phoebe on Friends handing out 3D glasses at her grandmother's funeral.
I'm a great believer in that funerals should be whenever possible should be a celebration of someone's life
My cousin had terminal cancer and he was a party kind of guy. He didn't want to miss his own party so he threw his 'funeral' while he was still with us to celebrate his life. It was spectacular and gave everyone a chance to say goodbye. We all got to share "remember that time you..." stories. It was sad but a lot of fun, just the way he wanted it. He passed about a month later.
Load More Replies...and that's how i want my funeral to be--not necessarily circus-related, but with people rehashing good times or funny stories about me. please don't cry because i'm gone, be happy i was in your life!
Sounds like Chuckles the Clown's funeral episode on the old Mary Tyler Moore show.
Preacher was talking about my mom (the deceased) and how she was a woman of God, a God-fearing woman, and one who walked with Jesus in her heart and all of this religious stuff. The only time my mom set foot in a church was when she was getting married. She might have burst into flames if she was ever forced to go to a church service. She took my Grandma to church when Grandma was unable to drive and was happy sitting in a cold car in the parking lot rather than coming inside.
Me, my husband and my daughter had to suppress a case of the giggles when the preacher said that. We couldn't look at each other bc we definitely would have started laughing.
That's OK, the snowstorm that follows will put me out in no time!
Load More Replies...Isn't it usual to talk to the priest about the deceased so that this kind of thing doesn't happen? I've been to funerals where I wondered whether I was at the right one, because the description did not match the person....AT ALL
My mom and I had a long conversation with priest about my dad's service, priest even knew my dad but he still did this.
Load More Replies...Grandma [arranging the service with the preacher, and thinking coming to church is not the same as come into church]: "Well, actually, yes, my daughter did come every week, she drove me come rain or shine." Preacher: "A god fearing woman?". Grandma [thinking of her daughter never going beyond the car park] : "Fearing...hmm, that is one way to describe her relationship with church."
We got the giggles at my grandfather's funeral, a person with broken English was speaking, and ohh, damn, I started, then my sister, next thing our whole pew was literally rocking, still makes my smile yo this day.
That's what happens when you have a preacher take care of the funeral
Sound like me. If anyone says, "She was a woman of God", I'll come back to life and strangle the preacher.
I used to play in a brass band that was booked for a lot of funerals. At one funeral when I was about 13 the mistress of the dead bloke came in wailing. His wife came in with an English mastiff (think big scary looking dog) and sang ding dong the b***h is dead and then left. According to the son of the dead man his dad was awful and he only came to dance on his grave and enjoy the inheritance money, why he was telling a teenager this, i have no idea. It was a f*****g weird one. We also had to play you give love a bad name and the theme from titanic.
They are very nice once you have the proper saddle.
Load More Replies...That's why they are scary. You're sitting peacefully when suddenly a huge dog who thinks he's a tiny dog starts flying towards your lap XD
Load More Replies...What location / culture was this? I've been to a number of funerals over the decades and I've never been to one with a brass band. Closest I have seen is in TV/Movies where they are doing the New Orleans style thing. And TBH, I don't know if that is common in New Orleans or just an exception that makes a good TV trope.
We put a can of beer in my father's casket. We're pretty sure we heard it pop open at the cemetery, before he went into the ground.
I'm pretty sure we did this with my dad - the memory is kinda fuzzy. But I know for a fact my husband and his friends did this for their best friend who passed away. And had one more beer at the cemetery "with" him.
In my will, I had it stipulated I have to be buried with a bottle of white wine, my cat's ashes and wearing a dress with sequins.
Oooh, I would love to see you in your funeral, just not anytime soon. I wish you lots of wine and sequin days before that ever happens!
Load More Replies...We put my sister's favourite soft drink and lollies in the casket with her.
Not so much weird but funny. When my grandmother passed, the priest sat with the family and asked for some fun stories about her to share at the service. My dad mentioned she “worked the polls,” referring to her working at the county during election season. The priest took “polls” to mean “poles”….
If you combined pole dancing with voting, there'd be a much better turn out.
Similar - officiant (a bit elderly and clearly out of touch with current vernacular!) was talking about how the deceased, my other half’s father, and his wife had started taking cruise ship holidays in later life. However he phrased it that ‘they had discovered the joys of cruising’ - we were nearly on the floor, I almost chewed clean through my cheek trying not to laugh out loud, and we both just hoped that the other mourners behind us took our shaking shoulders to be grief ridden sobs!!
Working the polls is only occasional. The poles are in use year round, including most holidays. Or so I've heard.
My best friend died 5 years ago in a motorcycle accident. He was a fun-loving guy who always said “go forth, do cool s**t.” And that became the theme of his funeral. The pastor during the service was a bit uncomfortable saying it and when he did, he stammered a bit and nervously giggled which offered a slight laugh from all who were in attendance.
Is there anything in the Bible that says don't swear? I know "saying the lords name in vane" think but I've never heard "don't say s**t"
I think the lady giving the eulogy was trying to say that even though the mother passed away her love is still with us, or something like that. But she started that section of the eulogy with
"Now that you are officially orphans..."
I couldn't believe it.
Yeah. The "officially orphans" thing can only be used by the deceased actual children and no one else.
Oh my god that is incredibly rude to say! Especially at a funeral! Even if that woman meant no harm and just a silly joke it was not an appropriate time! It’s most likely never an appropriate time to make a joke like that!
? I didn't think it was a joke, it's true, they are officially orphans? Sorry, I'm bad at picking up humor sometimes. I just thought this was the woman stating a fact?
Load More Replies...Not at the funeral, but some time after my mother went, we (sisters) said okay, so now we are orphans... I think my mother would have smiled upon that
Priest: “the day (child’s name) died was the best day of my life”
He was trying to make a point about how god was teaching him a lesson through the child’s death but holy s**t what a way to phrase it. You could feel the oxygen sucked out of the room as everyone gasped at the same time.
I really hate religion. How can you try to spin a child's death into a wonderful lesson from God? I tell you this, when my baby brother died, NO ONE WAS THANKING GOD!
I was 8 when my cousin died after a long and awful battle with cancer, and that was the day I realised all of it was nonsense.
Load More Replies...God is a real a*****e! Ya, I said it. Don't get me started on his "kid"
I really love how in Ásatrú you are allowed to be angry with the gods and you can mock then and whatever you need to. Would make the funeral of a child a lot easier (for me at least). To actually just say that you think it is shìtty of the gods to not let the kid live longer. To let everybody know that you think the gods are a-holes for not stopping this and that it is absolutely meaningless to you.
"Down I go!" a lady who was about to faint from the heat loudly exclaiming. Then THUD.
My sister was in a car accident and hit her head, while the cop was questioning her what happened, she suddenly said, "Excuse me." and promptly fainted. It was the other guy's fault. She was seen by the doctor and they couldn't find anything, but wanted her to stay awake for a few hours just in case.
I told my ex I was going to faint. He didn't believe me. Next thing I know I am in the car with the cooling fan on. I had very bad tonsillitis.
This happened to me at my uncle's funeral. Luckily, there was a memorial bench right behind me. I aimed for that and passed out while already lying down. And there were three nurses at the service, as well as my own mother, so I was well attended while I recovered. I kept apologizing that I took away any attention from my uncle's service.
I have an older relative who passed out at the funeral of a firefighters. She was instantly swarmed by both firefighters and paramedics.
A woman kicked her husband's coffin and spat on it, all while screaming that she hoped he was rotting in hell.
He [took his own life] and left her with five children to raise all by herself.
I once heard someone say that suicide was one of the most selfish things a person can do, because it leaves such a mess for others to deal with. I've never heard of a better illustration of that theory than this story.
When someone commits suicide, many times they aren't thinking of what comes after. It's a feeling of "I NEED it all to end". Doesn't make it a good thing but many times it's more impulsive than people think.
Load More Replies...People take their own lives are far too often judged by people who have no idea what is happening in their minds.
It sounds more like her taking out her anger stemming from grief from being left alone without her partner to raise 5 children by herself
Load More Replies...Dude! Totally inappropiate! You don't know what happened.. she probably lashed out because he couldn't find the courage to open up & conmunicate with anyone. Just keep your uneducated opinoins to yourself!!
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The priest kept referring to the deceased as “Nanette”, but her name was “Ann”. Then went further, mentioning how unfair it was that she died at 20, but it was an open casket for a 94 year old woman.
Yikes - imagine if he then gave 94yr old Ann's Eulogy at Nannette's funeral.
Oh dear, yes. Comments on how she had a long life...and so many other ways in which Ann's life fulfilled what Nanette's did not
Load More Replies...My great-grandmother died at 93.5. She was "39" up until she turned 80... then she was officially "40" for the rest of her days :)
My friend died from a massive heart attack at 15 years old. At his funeral, the priest who had known my friend for 5+ years at this point, never once pronounced his name correctly. I sat and sobbed because it felt like adding insult to injury.
Well it *was* unfair she died at 20 since she lived 74 more years after that!
My parents told me about a funeral they attended where the man had [taken his own life]. The song the funeral home chose to play was Frank Sinatra's I Did It My Way.
Talk about awkward.
Consider yourself lucky they didn't choose the theme from the movie "M*A*S*H"
Good for him! I'm having "waiting for the hammer to fall"
Load More Replies...The funeral home never picks the songs. Friends or family have to request it.
Dunno...suicide means a lot of suffering, feeling desperate...hardly ever a deliberate decision of a carefree person, as the song suggests.
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At the end of her eulogy, the wife of the deceased introduced the girlfriend of the deceased, who then gave her own eulogy.
It'll sound ironic but that's actually classy, the wife being a big enough person to allow the GF to speak at the funeral.
To be fair, the wife and the deceased man could be going through amicable divorce and he died before they finished the procedure. Or they could be in a poly relationship.
Load More Replies...When my younger brother's grandfather was dying, Grandmom moved his hospital bed next to one of the huge windows that opened onto the porch. She removed the screens and put a comfortable chair & small side table on the porch by the window. She left the house at 10am and didn't return until late in the evening. This allowed his mistress of over 25 years to come spend the day together one last time. Grandmom was a super classy lady. And so was my Aunt Dot, his mistress, who sent Grandmom flowers as a personal thank you for her extreme kindness. Love and miss them both
Your younger brother's grandfather is also your grandfather.
Load More Replies...A classy way to out him to his friends and family. Don't speak ill of the dead. Don't tell everyone "that jerk was cheating on me." Be the better woman and introduce the poor grieving girlfriend at his funeral and let everyone there form their own opinions. Gotta love it.
Well, maybe they weren’t fully separated yet. Or maybe they were into polygamy?
I had a client who was a CEO in the leisure industry. Hotels casino's shopping centers. Great guy help me big time when I was a rookie in the business and always spoiled me and my wife who came sometimes on business trips. Sadly I couldn't make it to the funeral but I was told all is 4 ex wife's were there plus the BJ dealer and head of HR he was having affairs with. I struggle with on GF, how he juggled all this is beyond me. Legend Manuel. Miss you mate.
Maybe they had an arrangement for this? Or the GF didn't get anything like you said. You never know someone's story by a couple sentences written out on a thread.
Load More Replies...If he was cheating on his wife with another, maybe the other didn't knew he was married ? In this case it's not her fault, and she too has memories with him. (or it could be a polyamorous relationship)
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My BIL was a beloved redneck and Civil War Reenactor. At his funeral he had a Confederate flag and honor guard. My wife is black. Knowing what was coming I begged her not to go, but she gritted her teeth and suffered through it for my sister’s sake. As the service concluded they were going to play “Dixie” but luckily (for me) they couldn’t get the music to work. I thought I had dodged a bullet when some a-hole in the back stood up and yelled, “Come on folks, you know the words!”. Everyone in funeral stood up and sang “Dixie” in the church, even the pastor. We sat quiet and arms crossed on the front row. My wife and I laugh about it now but I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life!
Not downvoting, but I'd imagine the offensive part was that it was the rallying cry of the Confederacy. You know, the guys fighting to keep slavery legal. Sarcasm aside, it's not the lyrics or melody that bothers people, it's that it was the hymn of the south during the civil war.
As a child of the south, I remember sitting in class when the US Civil War was covered thinking to myself - gee, didn't this mean we, the south, were traitors. I never understood the desire to claim that part of our culture. It's a shame it has become the way most male southern youth express their pride. I struggled as a mother to help my son find an alternative; it was hard.
I never understood why the confederate flag was a symbol of pride either. I hated it, as I did the swastika. Yes, I'm from the north. I had a SIL from AL and for years I detected southerners.
Load More Replies...A song written in 1859. Originally a “walk-around,” or concluding number for a minstrel show. It became highly popularity in many areas, not just the south, and was later the unofficial national anthem of the Confederacy during the American Civil War (1861–65) and, sadly, of the South thereafter. This is the chorus: I wish I was in Dixie, Hooray! Hooray! In Dixie’s Land I’ll take my stand to live and die in Dixie. Away, away, away down south in Dixie. Away, away, away down south in Dixie.
Load More Replies...I would never attend a racist redneck funeral. But, I would never be friends with a racist redneck anyway
Actually Dixie was one of Abraham Lincoln's favorite songs and he was known to request it be played.
Somehow I've managed to go my entire life without knowing Dixie was used this way by the Confederacy. That definitely changes the way I feel about it.
"Dixie" Was Abraham Lincoln's favorite song. He said he missed hearing it during the war (as northern bands stopped playing it)
Not me, but my father. When he was 16, his best friend drowned. The canoe they were in tipped over when one guy they invited decided to goof off and stand up. My father's friend couldn't swim and ended up drowning about 15 feet from the shore.
At the funeral, the jerk that stood up in the boat showed up. The first thing he did was approach the mother, father and sister of the deceased friend and ask them if he could have his vinyl collection.
I'm surprised they didn't throw him in the grave before lowering the coffin.
Hoping parents gave a resounding no, and told him to get TF out.
At my grandfathers funeral, when the rabbis had to come to us to tell us that they brought the wrong body.
My aunt died on a trip to Ireland. She was cremated because we were told it would be easier and more timely to get her remains home to us. The night of the visitation, the funeral director sheepishly approached us to say her remains had been lost somewhere between LaGuardia and the funeral home, but they placed an urn, so no one would get upset. My friend, who was standing next to my mum and me, looked at the urn, then back at the director and said "that's a hell of a stunt double!". My mum and I were dying as the director tried ro to assure us it was empty, while my friend slipped away to watch what he had done. Best funeral ever.
Normally the tradition of shemira followed by a fast burial stops this!
The thud of someone collapsing and dying.
A lady had a sudden heart attack and died at my grandma’s funeral.
Death at a Funeral sounds like the title for a dark comedy
Load More Replies...Quite a lot of people die at funerals and weddings. Emotions, stress, often alcohol and long periods of standing in hot/cold - a lot of factors to start a stroke or heart attack
For funerals of elderly people , the odds increase because of the demographic.
Load More Replies...that one uncle: "There's room! just fit her in the coffin, yeah just scootch her to the side yeah there we go!"
I know it's wrong, but... TALK ABOUT COMIDIC TIMING! (I have dark humor, cut me some slack.)
So, my uncle Joe passed recently, and in the haste of putting together a ceremony, a random officiant was hired off Craigslist. Think Carol Baskins from Tiger King with a sing-song voice and woo-woo-crystal vibes. Initially, the ceremony seemed to be going really well - a series of community members shared really lovely and heartfelt eulogies honoring my uncle, I'm crying, we're all loving on this guy, and then.
Apropos of nothing, having literally zero connection to my uncle or the family, frickin Carol Baskins takes back the mic and decides that as officiant, she also needed to say her piece, to professionally set our grieving hearts at ease.
What follows was the most absurd ten minutes of my life - hot on the tail of lovely testimonies from people who actually knew and loved my uncle, Carol proceeds to describe what she imagined he might have been like. Namely, she strongly felt that he probably lived in the present moment, much as one does when they are walking down the stairs with a cup of coffee and they trip and fall (her exact words).
In that moment, she says, (rising into a tone of triumphant revelation) there is no time for anger, or fear, there is only joy and acceptance, because you are living in the present moment, just as she felt my uncle definitely probably did.
You see, she says, it's sort of like one of her spiritual adherents once told her - they had been driving down the interstate in Wyoming, and they hit a slick patch at 70 mph. Wait, was it slick, or was it slippery? Nono, she thinks it was slick. And so the SUV - it's an SUV, by the way - starts rolling, and in that moment time slows down, and her spiritual adherent feels a sense of serene calm come over them, and they have the presence of mind to stop their head from smashing into the windshield, and they pull their leg back into the SUV before - ah that's right, the window was down, so it must have been slippery - pull their leg back into the SUV before it was snapped off as the car rolled.
"And you see, that's what Joe's life was like, she thinks. Just a beautiful, extended SUV rollover crash where he lived persistently, stubbornly, in the present moment."
Now, all through this dada-esque scree, my partner and I are sitting on the hard wooden pew, our grief short-circuited into utter bemusement, and we are literally shaking with mirth at how surreal and inappropriate it was for this stranger to hijack a nice ceremony with her weird woo-woo worldview, and how inappropriate it was for us to be responding this way. And the thing about the wooden pews is they perfectly convey the vibration from the other person's repressed laughter, and so we sat hunched over for the entire presentation, trapped in this cycle of inappropriate laughter reverberating back and forth between us, trying to quietly gasp for breath and thinking of anything that wasn't this insane experience. At one point, we have to mask our gasping laughter as a quiet sob, which is equally inappropriate.
She proceeds, "I would have really liked to know Joe, and if I did, I think I would have thought of him as a comet, always moving forward, leaving bits of himself wherever he went. Dim the lights, please."
This is the part where we pretty much black out from lack of oxygen.
The lights dim, the haunting melodies of Enya fill the small chapel, and up on the projector screen, the slideshow images of my uncle's face are replaced with a four-minute montage of spiraling galaxies and nebulae and a single comet image, straight out of a mid-90s Bowl-a-Rama. This is clearly a video of her own design, she chose it for this occasion over her other greatest consolatory hits (waterfall.wav, sunlitmeadow.wav, SUVrollover.wav), and it means a great deal to her - she stands watching it intently for the full four minutes, and then turns to us with great gravity as the lights rise, and says, "To Joe, our shining comet. We miss you."
The ceremony ends at this point, and my partner and I absolutely hustle out of the chapel, making no eye contact, and Quasimodo-ing away with our heads down to go scream-laugh in the back alley behind the funeral home.
Later, we apologized to my aggrieved uncles/aunts/cousins at the reception (horror of horrors, we had been sitting right behind them the entire time), and everyone assured us it was one of the more bizarre performances they'd ever seen. But dammit, Joe would have liked it, beautiful rollover crash/comet that he was.
To this date that funeral is the most uncomfortable I've ever felt. It was hilarious, but holy hell.
OMG! That's terrible and freaking hilarious all at the same time! Why didn't anyone stop her!?!
I couldn't even finish reading, couldn't stay concentrated on the text
Is there any food in the box over there? An old lady who pointed to the coffin.
My grandfather had a whole secret family show up to his funeral. Myself, and my Dad, and uncle all know about the secret family.......the rest of the family did not.
The only saving grace was the my family speaks English and doesn't know much Spanish. Grandads secret family was mainly Spanish speakers.
I will never forget comforting my grandmother that day. She was so confused as to who these other people were and why were they so sad and upset.
It was like watching a car wreck in slow motion.
A friend’s father had a secret family. His real family (6 kids??} was always struggling with $$$. The dad was very active in the church. The secret family of “wife and 2 kids” likewise was struggling. Both wives looked alike. Bedraggled and overworked. It was nuts!!! When the story eventually came out family #1 were in shock. Ghastly situation
Load More Replies...You and your dad should have hustled them out. They could hold their own memorial service instead of disrupting the one your grandmother is paying for.
No one likes the grammar police, especially when they feel like the place to go nuts is on a fücking post about FUNERALS
Load More Replies...
My dads funeral. My younger sister’s friend stood up and said that when she was a teenager she used to stay at our house JUST to see my dad and then went off on how they used to drink downstairs when everyone was asleep.
sounds like someone i know--her child once commented how he couldn't believe that when she got up to speak at her mother's funeral, she made it all about herself
Never let your younger sister's friend speak; you just tell her to sit her a*s down and zip it. They always have something to say, don't they?
My ex mother in law got up at her dad's funeral and did a speech almost entirely about her own horse.
My uncle did my grandfather's eulogy leaning on the podium from the side and half of it was about how he (my uncle) got a PHD and it was the proudest day of my grandfather's life. Not the birth of his 5 children, his 64 year marriage to my grandmother, his 10 grandkids, or the great-grandkids he absolutely doted on. Just my uncle's PHD.
It's not really weird, but it got me to laugh, and i still laugh
"STOP ARGUING, THIS IS MY HUSBAND'S LAST FUNERAL"
And another on the same day by the same woman
YOU LIAR, YOU PROMISED ME 50 YEARS AND ONLY GAVE ME 48
and to add, i had some clothes i thought looked nice, but i guess they were not because she was pacing back and forth before finally saying
"Come here, you are not wearing that to my husband's funeral."
Then she gave me one of his old suits to wear XD.
Last funeral...the other seven, he maneged to make his way out of the coffin..
Kinda tame by the standards here, but at my uncles funeral, his ex wife (who had walked out on him to go off partying. Leaving him to raise two teenage boys alone) started taking on the role of grieving widow.
“I can’t believe he’s gone. He meant so much to me. Blah blah blah.”
While she was there with the guy she was living with who supported her through her tears.
Funny thing is she’s our actual blood relation, but we kept him in the family. Called him Uncle but just used her name when talking to her.
OMG! My mother did the same thing! She and my father had been divorced for 25 years and she was married to her second husband. She cried and wailed and introduced herself to people she didn't know as "Bill's widow" with her own husband standing right there. My aunts were all asking me what she was up to with that, but I was just as confused. Obviously, this was all an act because a few days later I got a call from the bank telling me that my father's widow was trying to close his account (that also had my name on it.) When I went to claim my father's life insurance, I was told that his wife had already filed the claim. I had to get a copy of their divorce decree to prove that I was next of kin. Crazy!
Had an uncle go on a extended racist diatribe about "those people". I was expecting the person who was in the coffin to come back and beat the s**t out of him because that is the last thing they ever wanted to hear.
Shock and disbelief? Fear? Plenty of reasons
Load More Replies...My X wife’s family were the faith-healing type and some of them were convinced they were going to pray the recently deceased up out of the casket. People throwing themselves on the ground, weeping, having to be removed, slowly realizing he wasn’t going to wake up and actively experiencing the finality of death in real time. It was awful.
The denial stage. I'm with OP, watching people realize their loved one is dead is horrific.
Load More Replies... "Hello.
I'm here as a fellow human to acknowledge that Lester has, as we know, passed on.
Lester was a man. Also, Lester was an employee of the Waystar company for 40 years.
And when a man dies, it is sad. All of us will die one day. In this case, it is Lester who has done so.
Lester was alive for 78 years. But no more. Now he is dead.
Lester's wife is Maria. They were married for 15 years. Now she is sad.".
You do know that's a tell that the person is really an alien.
Load More Replies......and we are positive this wasn't written by two racoons and an owl in a trenchcoat?
When you say it like that, no, we're not sure at all
Load More Replies...finally! someone who acknowledged where this is from. Succession!
Load More Replies...Nope, this is from a TV show (Succession). The deceased was a creepy perv who everyone called Uncle Moe (Moe Lester) so there it was a struggle to say something that was both true and nice.
Load More Replies..."He died doing what he loved, which was clinging to life and trying not to die. Which he was very good at… until recently."
Someone asked ChatGPT to write a eulogy and didn't check it before the funeral...
At my granny’s funeral, the pastor that was leading her service, was giving his little speech about her life and all that. Keep in mind, this man had known my granny just about his whole life, decided to go on a tangent about people dying with MS and Cystic Fibrosis. He barely spoke a word about her life or her accomplishments etc. My granny died in her sleep and other than having a few strokes years prior, was in decent enough health. It completely ruined the funeral for me.
At all the funerals I've attended, the priest had spoken with a member of the family and would make that the basis of his account of the deceased's life. Sometimes even refering to that conversation, like: " as you (widow) told me".
This. Makes me wonder if ghere are senile people talking to the priest at the funeral mixing up their own issues with the deceased
Load More Replies...At our aunt's funeral, the preacher started telling this story about the "last time he spoke to Carol" she was having lunch and when they came to take her tray, she said to let her "keep the fork". Then he launched into this long winded story about how when you eat your meal and someone takes your plate, you will often keep your fork because you will need it for the best part which is dessert. Then he talked about how life is like the meal and heaven is the dessert so that is why Carol wanted to keep her fork at the end of her life. So at the end of this 25+ minute very over-told story about his last visit with Carol, we realized it was bs and not even a real story about any real visit. This man had been her pastor for over 40 years and he only read her obituary word-for-word from the newspaper and told a fake story about her.
I recently went to a memorial service at a rock church kinda place and was absolutely shocked at how they twisted the narrative of this dead man to be a super manipulative recruitment fair for their church. It was shameless. A phrase they repeated often throughout was “the best thing about NAME was his deep love for god” and at the end they asked people to come up and be saved. Wtf?!
I read that "monkeys" and was this close from laughing too hard
Load More Replies...I absolutely forbid my great uncle, a pastor, from doing the same at my dad's funeral. My dad pretty much rejected religion and he would not have wanted his funeral to be a recruitment drive for what he considered a cult. I was 21. Divorced parents. Mom was very proud of me. It's a long story actually.
This happened at friend's funeral. He was not a believer, but his wife was, so she insisted on the full Christian claptrap. My friend was a recovered alcoholic who dedicated his life and 30 years of sobriety to helping other alcoholics who were suffering. At his service, the pastor went out of his way to say that it wasn't my friend who actually helped anyone, it was Jesus christ, and then went on a hour long recruitment sermon. I'm hard pressed to say that I've ever been angrier than I was that day.
Yep. This is what the "good christians" have turned an already corrupt institute into
The widow accidentally confirmed what many had suspected for years; she had cheated on her first husband with her now deceased husband. She talked about how they met and going down to visit him in another country for several years; you could literally see people doing the math in their heads.
Lol - my ex-husband’s 2nd wife once posted a sweet tribute on Facebook about how they met and fell in love in 1998, married in 2004, two kids and 20 years later… blah blah blah… My best friend hilariously and publicly pointed out “aww you met in 1998, the same year he married his FIRST WIFE!” I laughed so hard at that!
Old woman saying "how is your father? I haven't seen him for a long time. " to the son who lost his father.
The guy behind the counter asks how my mom is every time I go into the convenience store where she used to buy cigarettes. Mom's been gone for five years. I don't go to that store any more.
In college, my girlfriend’s friend (Samantha) had been dating this guy (Pete) for a while. Pete was a depressed guy who was regularly drunk. He ended up hanging himself and was found by Samantha. In his suicide note he apparently had detailed some things he would like to be done at his funeral.
Everything was relatively normal about the funeral until the pastor noted that Pete left some instructions for the following songs to be played at the funeral. Cue Clay Walker’s version of Holding Her and Loving You being faded in over the speakers. For those that don’t know it’s a song about a guy who is with one woman while loving another. This song provided an awkward contrast to the room of sniffles and tears as basically everyone learned how their deceased loved one was cheating on Samantha. After that song was over Free Bird started playing. Yes it was the full version and yes the preacher abruptly stopped it halfway through the eight minute guitar solo.
Found out later that not only was the other mystery girl in attendance at the funeral but that Samantha had known about her and Pete the entire time. She was fine with it.
In my dad's eulogy for his father, he told everybody that grandpa tried to [end] him by allowing a tractor to tip over on him.
Oddly enough, a friend of the family had died when a tractor he was riding tipped over and pinned him to the ground.
It's pretty weird.
KILL, BP, it's KILL. Why for fúck's sake do you keep redacting perfectly normal words? Pull that stick out your árses and tell the stories you're stealing from other pages like they are supposed to.
Why do you keep reading it if you know they're going to be censoring it and it pisses you off?
Load More Replies... At Glenn’s funeral the priest said reluctantly, “And now we will recite the Lord’s Prayer…with edits by Glenn.”
There was also a prerecorded message from Glenn.
They started with “You’re probably wondering why I called this meeting.”
Load More Replies...I‘ve heard of the Good News Bible and the King James Bible but never Glenn‘s Edits!
A random dude approached us and said "My bad." Then f*****g left the ceremony.
"' I'm sorry' and 'I apologize' mean the same thing... unless you're at a funeral." Demetri Martin
I wouldn't say weirdest, but definitely most "unspoken truth." My dad's extended side of the family is more well-off and as a result, pretty distant from us common folk, so we never see them, except for at funerals because a lot of them just can't be bothered with any other attempt at a family event.
Back in 2009-2014, we had a series of deaths, starting with a great uncle and ending with (sadly) my grandmother. A couple months before my grandmother passed, my dad's oldest sister lost the battle to ovarian cancer. I remember after the service, one of my dad's brothers was leaving and just kinda held up his hand and said, "welp! See yall at the next one!" and left.
The next one was his mom. Wonder if he felt bad about it or even remembered that he said that. I should ask him when I see him at a funeral in two weeks.
At a Roman Catholic funeral: "now let us pray for the deceased and for all of us who assembled here today, and especially for the one of us who is to die next." Felt like, OK, have the deceased throw the bouquet now...
I am 100% on board with the throwing of the bouquet to see who dies next.
Load More Replies...In my family, funerals aren't that solemn, and lunch afterward is usually a big reunion with lots of laughs. After my dad's funeral a couple of years ago, I said, "This has been a lot of fun, we should do it again soon!" And after a pause: "Any volunteers?"
This odd thing happened with my dad's side of the family in that most of the siblings and close relatives died close together. My aunt Eloise and my grandma died within a week of each other, my dad and his sister Irene died within a week of each other, and my uncle Ray and his sister, aunt Dean, died separately on the same day. Our family has a pretty dark sense of humor, so at my aunt Dean's wake, we cousins were talking about who we want to be paired up with when it's our time to go.
My gran. 96 years old. All that could be said about her life was summed up (to the ten people in attendance) by the vicar as "she kept a clean house". That's it. And that was a lie. I hope hell is fun Gran!
My grandmother wasn't a good person, either. I just skipped her funeral, despite my parents trying to manipulate me into going (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...).
Biological father left when I was 2 or 3. When he died, my Mother said and did everything to try and get me to go to his funeral. Nope. Now, I had a landlord for 18 years and he was a wonderful man. He would raise my rent $5.00 to $10.00 a year except for one year that he had to re-pipe all the units. I live in California and never did my rent go over $1000.00 in those 18 years. I received a letter in the mail one summer telling me he died while on vacation in Europe. I CRIED BUCKETS for this man. But you know, he went out the way he wanted. Beautiful man and still miss him to this day.
I can top that. Four people, myself, two siblings plus one other. All over in ten minutes. I can't remember anything positive being said
"God needed him more than we did" - some priest.
WTF? Like, if you believe in God, a person can't be close to God when alive?!?
There should be a book: what not to say when someone dies.
Load More Replies...Or 'they're in a better place.' I'm pretty sure they'd prefer to be here, living life and enjoying their loved ones.
I was going to say the exact same thing and I'm happy to see that someone feels the same way. Thank you Jaawn.
Load More Replies...Of all the billions of people who have died, I feel like uncle Ralph probable could have stayed a few more years...
I shouldn't snicker but i see this in a sitcom with canned laughter in the background and the deceased was a janitor/custodian.
"Sorry for your loss. Move on.".
The ill-informed priest consistently calling the deceased Julie
Her name was Julia.
At my uncle's funeral, the priest kept referring to him by his last name. My mom wanted to deck the priest.
"would you like a signed copy of my book on sales?"
-my uncle to each guest at his mother's funeral.
Wonder if he had much sales.. And where in the book he had written down it would be an amazing idea to sell at funerals..
At my grandma's funeral they had a new pastor who hadn't really known her at all. A day or two before he had asked my dad what sort of things she liked, and my dad (who was obviously dealing with a lot at the time) had just said something about how she liked bird watching and had enjoyed a trip to the mountains once.
Well the pastor made the entire sermon about birds and mountains, and what they symbolized, and how important they were to her. Birds and mountains. He must have repeated that phrase in a super dramatic tone a dozen times. That's the only thing I even remember about the funeral now, and I was a pallbearer!
We laugh about it now, but I think everyone was a little sad that the ceremony was basically reduced to two words that honestly were little more than a footnote in her actual life.
At my uncle’s funeral, my cousin stood up and did a speech… About herself.
Maybe she caught the bouquet and she's just really on top of that eulogy of hers?
Load More Replies... I watched family members fighting at there mothers funeral about who gets f*****g what.
Weird to me.
Watched my FIL and some of the siblings argue over the "loot" at their Mom's funeral, I mean pushing each other and everything. My wife was SO embarrassed.
Could be worse. Somebody might have skipped the funeral to go help themselves to the loot at her home.
Pretty sure my sister and I aren't going to inherit a thing from my recently deceased father's estate. We're fairly certain it's all going to our stepmother and step siblings. But we're NOT going to argue about it. Dad turned his back on us long ago. They were his priority. So if they want it all, they can keep it. 🤷♀️
Honestly, you are tiresome and have proven yourself, repeatedly, to not be as intelligent as you think you are. For a change maybe you could try contributing something relevant to the conversation/post.
Load More Replies...My BIL died and his side were very evangelical. They started waving their arms in the air and singing and responding “amen” to every line the preacher said. It was awkward and embarrassing.
At my mom's funeral. Someome from highschool (i wouldn't call friend) said "happy birthday" knowing damn well my birthday had passed 6 months already.
Someone I sort of knew shouted ‘Hey! How’s it going?!’ in an excited voice at my dad’s funeral. I smiled and shouted back: ‘Great thanks! You?’ The thing is, it was actually almost true. But mega awks because everyone heard.
If they weren't a friend, why would they know when your bday wss?
Probably didn't know what else to say, was already feeling bad they'd missed the birthday and it kinda slipped out.
I my wife's grandmother funeral my SILs new boyfriend wore a bright orange crush shirt and cargo shorts.
I know a couple of people were joking at a funeral to make sure the casket was level. The deceased was a builder and a stickler for detail.
I have seen an argument devolve into a fistfight over one of the 20 watches the deceased had.
Luckily not my family, I was delovering ti that crematorium and watched it happen from the kitchen.
Actually joking about the casket being level for a builder is kind of sweet.
If I were a builder, I'd want a spirit level on my casket.
Load More Replies...I want jokes like this at a funeral. Ones that the person would have appreciated instead of snide remarks. Please have fun at my funeral Lifes been good, some tuff times but good all the same.
Having the coffin perfectly level in the grave is a thing for some people. A friend of mine was a gravedigger in a town with quite a sizeable settled Gypsy community. Whenever he had to prepare the plot for one of their burials a member of the family would always check the level once the hole was dug. My friend once asked why and he was told to mind his business. He wasn't quite brave enough to point out that this actually was his business. NB: before anybody gets on my back about using 'Gypsy' instead of Roma, Gypsy is the name they have used for themselves for centuries. Roma is a blanket term imposed on them by others. They refuse to call themselves Roma because the Roma people are a completely unrelated group.
Hopefully the fight over the watch wasn't one the deceased was wearing
A kid I knew as a teen died in a motorcycle accident. He had a gf and child. His mother took a moment to state that people didn’t think the kid and his gf were supposed to be together but they loved each other. Then proceeded to play Don’t Matter by Akon in its entirety.
I had to Google "Nobody wanna see us together but it don't matter no (Cause I got you babe)" part of the lyrics.
The best I've heard at a funeral was, "Well... how can we describe Joe? ... It's a tendency to describe the deceased as a saint, but that wasn't really Joe's style. He was a grumpy, cantankerous man, who um... had his particular ways of doing things." The family gave a huge sigh of relief that they weren't going to hear a string of platitudes.
My mother sang funerals. She came back exasperated that once again, someone had asked her to sing, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" at a Catholic funeral. She said, "When I die, please don't let anyone sing from the Wizard of Oz" We had to hug her and tell her how much we loved her, because my sister and I couldn't help laughing and signing on perfect cue, "Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is Dead."
"HEY!! HE'S KINDA SQUISHY!!" my 6 year old cousin shouted to the church before and after she poked his cheek. I was dying trying to keep from laughing while everyone else sobbed and our older cousin rushed up to move her from the open casket. First off, Grandpa was green because the mortician was not so skilled with the makeup. But also, they had told my younger cousin grandpa was sleeping. She asked when he was going to die because, duh, funeral. Our older cousin told her he had died, she started crying and walked up to the open casket. And proceeded to poke him in the cheek. Twice. Good times.
My cousin and I dared each other to touch the body at my uncle's funeral. She flaked out, but I poked him in the cheek hard enough to smear the pancake makeup.
Load More Replies...The funniest I heard was as the attendees were filing out of the crematorium after the service. The deceased's family were by the doors saying a few words to everybody as they left. The widow thanked the couple in front of me for coming then said that she couldn't quite place them and asked how they'd known her husband. The woman replied "To be absolutely honest, we didn't know him. We were supposed to be at the funeral in the other room but we arrived late and walked into the wrong room, and it just felt wrong to turn around and walk back out".
My sister-in-law started life as the daughter of a well-off lawyer in an upper-crust neighbourhood. She is now a middle-class prosecutor in a middle-class neighbourhood. What changed? As a teenager, she attended a funeral for someone who died young. Before going in, her rich friends were gossiping about what other people wore. My SIL was so upset at their lack of concern for the deceased and mourners that she went to cry somewhere. She's a lovely person and never wanted to associate again with such shallow people. (Prosecutors aren't poor, but corporate lawyers make a lot more money - and she specializes in prosecuting sex offenders, which caused burn-out at one point)
After my grandfather's funeral, a son nobody but his brothers knew about showed up at his house for the reception. Unfortunately, my grandma was the one to get the door, and told the man to go away. She didn't mention it to my dad, or his siblings for years. By then, their uncles had also died, so they had no way to get in contact with their newly found, older brother. The reason she kept it secret, was because it would uncover other secrets. You see, the son was from Korea. My grandpa had apparently had a relationship with his mother the whole time he was serving there in the 1950s. Meanwhile, my grandma was home doing her own thing, and had my eldest uncle. They were not dating during the war, my grandpa knew the oldest wasn't his, and another uncle the same age, from another country would let everyone else know, too. The math wouldn't math. Maybe, someday we'll be able to find my Korean uncle, or a cousin, but we don't even know his name. My grandma burned all the letters.
My cousin was married to a marine but was never in any armed service herself. At her funeral the military chaplin kept going on and on that she was a warrior for god and served her country well. She was not religious and earned a military funeral only as the spouse of someone in the service.
My older sister, a legend in the family, came out at our mother's funeral. She tried to upstage my dead mother! I appeared, dressed as a nun in our llocal gay bar, singing "My Sweet Lord" and it wound up being passed around the internet. My sister called me to inform me I didn't belong in gay bars if I, myself, am not gay.
Not so much as said but happened. When I was in primary school one of my classmate’s dad passed away and our school decided to let our class of around 26 students attend the funeral viewing along with two teachers. We were really young so we just followed the teachers. It was at a massive parlour which had several halls with funerals happening at the same time. Anyway once our school bus dropped us off our teachers shepherded us into the hall right at the entrance and instructed us to walk in line and bow at the coffin and come out. Halfway through this we were all suddenly ushered outside with no explanation. Turns out we visited the wrong hall! The people in there must have been so confused as to why a whole bunch of kids in their school uniforms just walked in and started paying homage to their deceased. My friend’s dad’s funeral was at the hall next to what we visited. We were too young to be embarrassed but the two teachers were mortified.
The best I've heard at a funeral was, "Well... how can we describe Joe? ... It's a tendency to describe the deceased as a saint, but that wasn't really Joe's style. He was a grumpy, cantankerous man, who um... had his particular ways of doing things." The family gave a huge sigh of relief that they weren't going to hear a string of platitudes.
My mother sang funerals. She came back exasperated that once again, someone had asked her to sing, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" at a Catholic funeral. She said, "When I die, please don't let anyone sing from the Wizard of Oz" We had to hug her and tell her how much we loved her, because my sister and I couldn't help laughing and signing on perfect cue, "Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is Dead."
"HEY!! HE'S KINDA SQUISHY!!" my 6 year old cousin shouted to the church before and after she poked his cheek. I was dying trying to keep from laughing while everyone else sobbed and our older cousin rushed up to move her from the open casket. First off, Grandpa was green because the mortician was not so skilled with the makeup. But also, they had told my younger cousin grandpa was sleeping. She asked when he was going to die because, duh, funeral. Our older cousin told her he had died, she started crying and walked up to the open casket. And proceeded to poke him in the cheek. Twice. Good times.
My cousin and I dared each other to touch the body at my uncle's funeral. She flaked out, but I poked him in the cheek hard enough to smear the pancake makeup.
Load More Replies...The funniest I heard was as the attendees were filing out of the crematorium after the service. The deceased's family were by the doors saying a few words to everybody as they left. The widow thanked the couple in front of me for coming then said that she couldn't quite place them and asked how they'd known her husband. The woman replied "To be absolutely honest, we didn't know him. We were supposed to be at the funeral in the other room but we arrived late and walked into the wrong room, and it just felt wrong to turn around and walk back out".
My sister-in-law started life as the daughter of a well-off lawyer in an upper-crust neighbourhood. She is now a middle-class prosecutor in a middle-class neighbourhood. What changed? As a teenager, she attended a funeral for someone who died young. Before going in, her rich friends were gossiping about what other people wore. My SIL was so upset at their lack of concern for the deceased and mourners that she went to cry somewhere. She's a lovely person and never wanted to associate again with such shallow people. (Prosecutors aren't poor, but corporate lawyers make a lot more money - and she specializes in prosecuting sex offenders, which caused burn-out at one point)
After my grandfather's funeral, a son nobody but his brothers knew about showed up at his house for the reception. Unfortunately, my grandma was the one to get the door, and told the man to go away. She didn't mention it to my dad, or his siblings for years. By then, their uncles had also died, so they had no way to get in contact with their newly found, older brother. The reason she kept it secret, was because it would uncover other secrets. You see, the son was from Korea. My grandpa had apparently had a relationship with his mother the whole time he was serving there in the 1950s. Meanwhile, my grandma was home doing her own thing, and had my eldest uncle. They were not dating during the war, my grandpa knew the oldest wasn't his, and another uncle the same age, from another country would let everyone else know, too. The math wouldn't math. Maybe, someday we'll be able to find my Korean uncle, or a cousin, but we don't even know his name. My grandma burned all the letters.
My cousin was married to a marine but was never in any armed service herself. At her funeral the military chaplin kept going on and on that she was a warrior for god and served her country well. She was not religious and earned a military funeral only as the spouse of someone in the service.
My older sister, a legend in the family, came out at our mother's funeral. She tried to upstage my dead mother! I appeared, dressed as a nun in our llocal gay bar, singing "My Sweet Lord" and it wound up being passed around the internet. My sister called me to inform me I didn't belong in gay bars if I, myself, am not gay.
Not so much as said but happened. When I was in primary school one of my classmate’s dad passed away and our school decided to let our class of around 26 students attend the funeral viewing along with two teachers. We were really young so we just followed the teachers. It was at a massive parlour which had several halls with funerals happening at the same time. Anyway once our school bus dropped us off our teachers shepherded us into the hall right at the entrance and instructed us to walk in line and bow at the coffin and come out. Halfway through this we were all suddenly ushered outside with no explanation. Turns out we visited the wrong hall! The people in there must have been so confused as to why a whole bunch of kids in their school uniforms just walked in and started paying homage to their deceased. My friend’s dad’s funeral was at the hall next to what we visited. We were too young to be embarrassed but the two teachers were mortified.
