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Funerals, by and large, are not the sort of events one attends to hear something funny, unless the deceased had a sense of humor and wanted to play one last joke. However, there is something about the mixture of loss, grief and brief, public attention that can somehow produce downright comical results, if one is willing to look past the morbid context.

A netizen asked “What’s the weirdest thing you ever heard in a funeral?” and people shared the wildest and most unhinged statements folks made. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to add your own thoughts in the comments section below.

#1

“And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals I was at a funeral recently for a friend who committed [self-harm]. Largely in part because he was gay and his family wouldn’t accept him. His dad was a seventh day Adventist and the preacher was saying that we all have a guardian Angel. That his guardian Angel could have saved him but he didn’t because it’s gods plan.
“And we thank god for the train that hit him, we thank god.”
We absolutely do not thank god, he was 20, I wanted to punch that guy in that mouth.

girlwithcowpup , Pavel Danilyuk/pexels Report

Spidercat
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Suicìde? I mean really BP, please stop censoring perfectly normal words.

Earthquake903
Community Member
Premium
1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Again, religion teaches hateful people it's ok to be hateful as long as you can spin a Bible verse to fit your particular brand of intolerance

Farnzy
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't have been able to hold my tongue. I know we all think we'd know what we'd say in these situations, even so I feel like my body would compel me to react

Barbara Burns
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My God, what a deplorable thing to say! And out of the mouth of a preacher, no less!

Gabriele Alfredo Pini
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Blasphemers that use the name of God to justify their fears.

_-DungeonKeeper-_
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hi. A Christian. We don't thank God, we throw a brick at pastor.

arthbach
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oooh, I would not have been able to keep my mouth closed in such a situation. I would have walked up to the front, and said his parents, and his church could have saved him if only they had shown the love and compassion demonstrated by Jesus. And that I would pray that each member of his family and congregation would meet their own 'personal train', and we would rejoice with them.

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    #2

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals My grandfather with dementia at my grandma funeral yelled out "what the f**k was that all about" when the minister/ pastor finished his speech.

    Not too weird, but it was hilarious at the time. Miss that ol guy a lot.

    anon , Alena Darmel/pexels Report

    parmadillo
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hopefully someone carried on the tradition at grandpa’s funeral.

    Karl
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The minister at my gran’s funeral made her out to be a sweet old lady who everyone loved - when she was a mean spirited evil old witch. I involuntarily laughed but managed to disguise it as a sob - made worse when someone in the pew behind me patted me on the back.

    Full of Giggles
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Similar thing happened at my grandmother’s funeral. The minister said my grandmother was an angel sent by God. Several of my cousins and I busted out laughing. We were told to leave and not show our faces at the reception.

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    Meowzers!
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At my grandma's funeral, the vicar went on and on about how she made spaghetti bolognese and wonderful meals, and to remember all the times she had cooked spaghetti bolognese, and hosted us as a family. My nanna never cooked, ever. She never hosted. She was a miserable, cold, evil, and bitter woman who did nothing good for her family, for society, nor anyone else. She had no friends. Only the immediate family showed up to her funeral, and that was because we had a sense of obligation. We all sat looking around at each other dumbfounded. No one had prompted the vicar to say these things. He just made it up.

    David Beaulieu
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My uncle has dementia. He is in his 80s, but he has been "lucky" in that he seems to have kind of regressed to an uninhibited teenager. Our whole Irish catholic family is at his older brother's wake. It wasn't unexpected, so it was fairly light hearted, but still sad. So the line is long, people waiting to kneel in front of the coffin and say a prayer. And there is my uncle dancing around in front of everyone. Trying to get any home he could to get up and do a jig with him. Originally everyone was trying to get him to stop, but eventually we just went with it. A lot of cry-laughing that day. A wonderful memory of a horrible disease.

    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is both funny and very sad.

    Mrs.C
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A friend with dementia just went to her husband's funeral. She asked multiple times what she was doing there.

    Lghn Hawk
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    An elder neighbor and I wre sitting together at a mutual friends funeral...he locked at me and asked "who is that in the box up there?"..I told him who it was .abd he replued"I knew that was who was in there last night, but didn't know who they had in there today"!...this was at a Pentecostal Church... it was all I could to contain the laughter...but at same time felt bad for him...and he was driving..because his wife was in worse shape than he...

    Dave Morris
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was thinking about what to have on my gravestone. That, right there.

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    #3

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals My good friend’s dad was an alcoholic. He shot himself after shooting his girlfriend in a drunken argument. My friend was to give the eulogy. “All my dad taught me was how to open a beer with a lighter” and walked away.

    Ok-Excuse-4461 , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

    Mike F
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sometimes you just need to be honest, especially when it's all you've got.

    Alexandra Nara
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was asked to give the eulogy to a man that was manipulating and molesting young woman as a guru. everybody knew ,everybody denied( even the obvious manipulated women) so when it comes to remember him : I just told them I will miss the funeral cause if you can't say anything nice,say nothing..and that's statement enough even if I always imagined to dance on his grave,cause this I told him as he threatened me once,cause I empowered some women to walk away

    Earthquake903
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Seems fitting to me

    sbj
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm only hoping the girlfriend survived and he didn't deserve a funeral

    Guess Undheit
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The only thing I learnt from the two breeders was NOT to be like them: impatient, selfish, hypocritical, violent, narcissistic, self-rationalizing. I'm glad I share nothing with them.

    Lene
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He also taught OP how not to be as an adult, I suppose. And that, my friends, is also a valuable lesson to learn. (Speaking from experience).

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    #4

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals "We all know he isn't going g to Heaven, he didn't go to church "
    As a believer of Christ I would never say this at a funeral. It's not our place to question or judge others.

    justmyusername47 , Ron Lach/pexels Report

    WindySwede
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And yet so many happily does!?

    Veronica Jean
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    An idiot who goes to the doctor but ignores their advice doesn't not prove that medicine is not a good practice. It just means some people suck. Same applies.

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    Cee Cee
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Clearly this preacher doesn't know his scripture. Judge not lest thou be judged for example. Bunch of hypocrites.

    Falafal salad
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Humanist funerals are a lot more common and focus on the persons life rather than all the other nonsense. It’s a much nicer way to say goodbye to your loved one.

    sturmwesen
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them" no "church" needed...

    Nitka Tsar
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ha, lol. As if going to church is the reason you might get into heaven!

    Guess Undheit
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There was a story about this 20 or so years ago. The pederast pastor insulted the woman who died because she stopped attenting that cult building. She stopped going because she was an invalid and couldn't leave the house anymore.

    Patti Golden
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow, now that's your typical religious guy

    Kokomo Rose
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he didnt go to church ..why pay for a church funeral?

    P R
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A funeral is for the living, not the dead

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    Ashlie Ann
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People are going to judge you no matter what you think/act/do/say, so just live your life the way you want.

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    #5

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals “Ah she makes a lovely corpse”
    Gotta love old Irish women.

    anon , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

    Mike F
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "...she was the happiest corpse I've ever seen." - Liza Minelli, Cabaret

    DuckDuckGooseberry
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    THIS!!!! You get Internet Points for the LiZa reference

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    Karl
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    “Doesn’t she look well!” - if I had a penny for every such comment heard at an Irish open coffin wake…

    Karl
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My great uncle looked much better in his coffin than when he was alive so high praise for the undertaker’s craft.

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    Amy Smith
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "She really suits being dead doesn't she?" - Orla Derry Girls

    David Houlahan
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t think that is a photo of an Irish woman 🤔

    Jim Robertson
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    when viewing an open coffin== Doesn't he look healthy

    Amy Smith
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "She really suits being dead doesn't she?" - Orla McCool - Derry Girls

    Key Lime
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My Mum looked great in her casket; she would have been pleased.

    Dawnieangel76
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    " Ruby Gillis was the handsomest corpse she ever laid eyes on..."

    imsouravmitra
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've heard something like, "she never loved as beautiful as she did today, in her funeral.."

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    #6

    The minister decided to preach to us about how being gay is a sin that leads to hell. This was at my 83 year old, totally not gay, great aunts funeral. He mentioned all sorts of sins that lead to hell but didn't mention a single time how my great aunt was a devout Christian and literally nothing he said applied to her. Guy forgot it was a funeral and went right into his insane bigoted Christian b******t.

    SarenTenet914 Report

    eric p
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The only good religion is no religion

    Cynthia Christie
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm not so sure about that. What if we made one where God was just someone to blame things on? Like you go to church and the preacher goes to his podium and starts going like, "Well that Almighty D******d has sure f*****g done it this time."

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    Ashlie Benson
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grandfather was not deeply religious and when he passed my grandma told the preacher, don't start preaching. This is a funeral, he and I do not want it to be a mini-sermon for you to gather more followers, essentially. Well, half way through the funeral he starts preaching about how we never know the day and we need to be ready and my grandma just starts in "nope, move along" and boy when grandma said that he wrapped it up in a hurry.

    Captain McSmoot
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is how you do it. Grandma gave explicit instructions on how her husband's funeral was to go and where the "no go" parts were. The preacher did not respect that, so she has every right to correct the situation. Good on her! The preacher didn't respect her wishes, so she doesn't need to worry about "disrespecting" him by stopped him in his tracks. If there is any salvation to come from a funeral it should mainly be from the person's life, their legacy, speaking into the person. A funeral is a celebration of life which causes us to reflect on the deceased, their impact on us, and our own fragility. A preacher really doesn't need to add a push in a situation like that.

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    Liz Reid
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is why I advocate for humanist funerals. No religion and the service is all.about the person and celebrating their life.

    Captain McSmoot
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    There is no advocating for funerals. People will have the funeral they have planned for themselves or the family has prepared for them.

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    sarcastic cat
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I HATE,absolutely HATE it,when peope abuse Christianity like this!! 😡

    Captain McSmoot
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Exactly! People shouldn't "use" Christianity; they should live it.

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    S Bow
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Priest did this at the funeral of a friend who had been murdered, saying the wages of sin are death. If you don't want to end up like Ashley, see me after the service. I was appalled.

    Bored Trash Panda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh no no, I wouldn't have been able to not say something. Wtf.

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    Captain McSmoot
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People need to vet the person giving the eulogy.

    WindySwede
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What a bunch of nice people.....

    Learner Panda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Be who you are; being gay is not a sin.

    Veronica Jean
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like he needs to retire, desperately. Thats absolutely senile.

    WindySwede
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    or just normal behaviour for some (self?) hating humans?

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    #7

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals Not said but felt really out of place when someone handed me popcorn..

    My great uncle was an author who worked with Ripleys and covered alot of odd and spooky history. But his favorite subject was the circus so they hung old circus banners and handed out popcorn to everyone.

    Hands down an amazing funeral full of laughs and interesting people.

    The popcorn was the equivalent of Phoebe on Friends handing out 3D glasses at her grandmother's funeral.

    PinkRawks , Gustavo Fring/pexels Report

    Lyoness
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Great uncle sounds cool.

    sbj
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a great believer in that funerals should be whenever possible should be a celebration of someone's life

    Kare Deter
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My cousin had terminal cancer and he was a party kind of guy. He didn't want to miss his own party so he threw his 'funeral' while he was still with us to celebrate his life. It was spectacular and gave everyone a chance to say goodbye. We all got to share "remember that time you..." stories. It was sad but a lot of fun, just the way he wanted it. He passed about a month later.

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    White Sauce Hot Sauce
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Celebrate their life instead of mourning their death.

    Lene
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh I would just looooove popcorn at a funeral. Hmm.... will keep that in mind. Perhaps I'll add it to my last will. I will only accept 1 kind of flower (poppies) but in all colors. Would gladly add popcorn to be distributed to all guests as well. 🤓

    WindySwede
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, sounds nice? 👍

    Gracie Mae
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    and that's how i want my funeral to be--not necessarily circus-related, but with people rehashing good times or funny stories about me. please don't cry because i'm gone, be happy i was in your life!

    Roberta Surprenant
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like Chuckles the Clown's funeral episode on the old Mary Tyler Moore show.

    Lost Panda
    Community Member
    1 year ago

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    This comment has been deleted.

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    #8

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals Preacher was talking about my mom (the deceased) and how she was a woman of God, a God-fearing woman, and one who walked with Jesus in her heart and all of this religious stuff. The only time my mom set foot in a church was when she was getting married. She might have burst into flames if she was ever forced to go to a church service. She took my Grandma to church when Grandma was unable to drive and was happy sitting in a cold car in the parking lot rather than coming inside.

    Me, my husband and my daughter had to suppress a case of the giggles when the preacher said that. We couldn't look at each other bc we definitely would have started laughing.

    floridianreader , RDNE Stock project/pexels Report

    Lyoness
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The bursting into flames made me snort out loud. I think we're related.

    Philly Bob Squires
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's OK, the snowstorm that follows will put me out in no time!

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    sbj
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Another case of a Preacher not having a clue who the deceased even was

    Alexandra
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Isn't it usual to talk to the priest about the deceased so that this kind of thing doesn't happen? I've been to funerals where I wondered whether I was at the right one, because the description did not match the person....AT ALL

    S Bow
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom and I had a long conversation with priest about my dad's service, priest even knew my dad but he still did this.

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    Tristan J
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Excuse me pastor, have you got the right woman?

    Paulina
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why would you have a religious rites funeral, then?

    Amused panda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Grandma [arranging the service with the preacher, and thinking coming to church is not the same as come into church]: "Well, actually, yes, my daughter did come every week, she drove me come rain or shine." Preacher: "A god fearing woman?". Grandma [thinking of her daughter never going beyond the car park] : "Fearing...hmm, that is one way to describe her relationship with church."

    Sarah Young
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We got the giggles at my grandfather's funeral, a person with broken English was speaking, and ohh, damn, I started, then my sister, next thing our whole pew was literally rocking, still makes my smile yo this day.

    harshtart
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My late nephew was described as 'religious' . . He was a Satanist!!

    Ruth Watry
    Community Member
    10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's what happens when you have a preacher take care of the funeral

    Alien-Gal-19
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sound like me. If anyone says, "She was a woman of God", I'll come back to life and strangle the preacher.

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    #9

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals I used to play in a brass band that was booked for a lot of funerals. At one funeral when I was about 13 the mistress of the dead bloke came in wailing. His wife came in with an English mastiff (think big scary looking dog) and sang ding dong the b***h is dead and then left. According to the son of the dead man his dad was awful and he only came to dance on his grave and enjoy the inheritance money, why he was telling a teenager this, i have no idea. It was a f*****g weird one. We also had to play you give love a bad name and the theme from titanic.

    anon , Dolores Reyes/pexels Report

    Ria C.
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    English Mastiffs aren't scary imo. Slobber machine yes!

    Science Nerd
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They are very nice once you have the proper saddle.

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    L Norton
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mastiff's are the world's biggest lap dogs.

    Asmodeus Hare
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's why they are scary. You're sitting peacefully when suddenly a huge dog who thinks he's a tiny dog starts flying towards your lap XD

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    Texmaam
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Jerry Springer would be proud

    David
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What location / culture was this? I've been to a number of funerals over the decades and I've never been to one with a brass band. Closest I have seen is in TV/Movies where they are doing the New Orleans style thing. And TBH, I don't know if that is common in New Orleans or just an exception that makes a good TV trope.

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    #10

    We put a can of beer in my father's casket. We're pretty sure we heard it pop open at the cemetery, before he went into the ground.

    Independent-Course87 Report

    Donna Moore
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm pretty sure we did this with my dad - the memory is kinda fuzzy. But I know for a fact my husband and his friends did this for their best friend who passed away. And had one more beer at the cemetery "with" him.

    StretcherBearer
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We did this with Dr. Pepper for my uncle. He was nuts for it.

    Jan Moore
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My cousin had her husband dressed in his hockey jersey and put a can of beer in the casket, but he was being cremated and she wondered if it would explode. He loved hockey and grilling with a beer. She had a photo blown up of him grilling in the snow.

    ButFirstCoffee
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In my will, I had it stipulated I have to be buried with a bottle of white wine, my cat's ashes and wearing a dress with sequins.

    Annita Stephanou
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oooh, I would love to see you in your funeral, just not anytime soon. I wish you lots of wine and sequin days before that ever happens!

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    Jan Moore
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My cousin's husband died unexpectedly from a berry aneurysm. He loved his beer, grilling. and hockey. She had his clothed in his jersey. and put a beer in his casket. She had him cremated and asked me if I thought the beer would explode.

    Learner Panda
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Better if it had been a cremation!

    Omiyaru
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's a great story for the grandkids though.

    hwatinternation
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We put my sister's favourite soft drink and lollies in the casket with her.

    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thanksgivings must have been fun for that family. Seems loving and playful.

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    #11

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals Not so much weird but funny. When my grandmother passed, the priest sat with the family and asked for some fun stories about her to share at the service. My dad mentioned she “worked the polls,” referring to her working at the county during election season. The priest took “polls” to mean “poles”….

    BowRange , Ron Lach /pexels Report

    LizzieBoredom
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you combined pole dancing with voting, there'd be a much better turn out.

    BrunoVI
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ya mean like Pope John Paul II? He was a Pole.

    Howisitmondayalready
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Similar - officiant (a bit elderly and clearly out of touch with current vernacular!) was talking about how the deceased, my other half’s father, and his wife had started taking cruise ship holidays in later life. However he phrased it that ‘they had discovered the joys of cruising’ - we were nearly on the floor, I almost chewed clean through my cheek trying not to laugh out loud, and we both just hoped that the other mourners behind us took our shaking shoulders to be grief ridden sobs!!

    Jane Theis
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did she take the civil cervix exam?

    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Working the polls is only occasional. The poles are in use year round, including most holidays. Or so I've heard.

    J C
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    its sort of funny the priest's mind went there right away. Hmmmm

    WindySwede
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe the priest kne by personal experience.. 🙃

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    #12

    My best friend died 5 years ago in a motorcycle accident. He was a fun-loving guy who always said “go forth, do cool s**t.” And that became the theme of his funeral. The pastor during the service was a bit uncomfortable saying it and when he did, he stammered a bit and nervously giggled which offered a slight laugh from all who were in attendance.

    Jalopy_Junkie Report

    WindySwede
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sound like decent advise?

    azubi
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At least it gets you a nice funeral, it seems

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    Wolf princess quinn
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is there anything in the Bible that says don't swear? I know "saying the lords name in vane" think but I've never heard "don't say s**t"

    Amber White
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What a wonderful pastor. That’s adorable.

    ConstantlyJon
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    pastors who swear casually are the best pastors.

    nancthetank
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good pastor who honored the deceased!

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    #13

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals I think the lady giving the eulogy was trying to say that even though the mother passed away her love is still with us, or something like that. But she started that section of the eulogy with

    "Now that you are officially orphans..."

    I couldn't believe it.

    pignewton , Mikhail Nilov/pexels Report

    Captain McSmoot
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah. The "officially orphans" thing can only be used by the deceased actual children and no one else.

    Shrek
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh my god that is incredibly rude to say! Especially at a funeral! Even if that woman meant no harm and just a silly joke it was not an appropriate time! It’s most likely never an appropriate time to make a joke like that!

    Vivi Pettiss
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ? I didn't think it was a joke, it's true, they are officially orphans? Sorry, I'm bad at picking up humor sometimes. I just thought this was the woman stating a fact?

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    Catharina Geerts
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not at the funeral, but some time after my mother went, we (sisters) said okay, so now we are orphans... I think my mother would have smiled upon that

    geezeronthehill
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gosh, I guess I've been an orphan for about 20 years, now.

    David Green
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So what is an unofficial orphan?

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    #14

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals Priest: “the day (child’s name) died was the best day of my life”

    He was trying to make a point about how god was teaching him a lesson through the child’s death but holy s**t what a way to phrase it. You could feel the oxygen sucked out of the room as everyone gasped at the same time.

    stuntmike , Samuel Peter /pexels Report

    Earthquake903
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I really hate religion. How can you try to spin a child's death into a wonderful lesson from God? I tell you this, when my baby brother died, NO ONE WAS THANKING GOD!

    detective miller's hat
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was 8 when my cousin died after a long and awful battle with cancer, and that was the day I realised all of it was nonsense.

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    WindySwede
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Really bad in any way possible.

    Mike F
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A friend used to say, "spit at and miss, $hit at and hit".

    Wolf princess quinn
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    God is a real a*****e! Ya, I said it. Don't get me started on his "kid"

    Lene
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I really love how in Ásatrú you are allowed to be angry with the gods and you can mock then and whatever you need to. Would make the funeral of a child a lot easier (for me at least). To actually just say that you think it is shìtty of the gods to not let the kid live longer. To let everybody know that you think the gods are a-holes for not stopping this and that it is absolutely meaningless to you.

    daniel ikelman
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Religion is fake and its followers are morons

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    #15

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals "Down I go!" a lady who was about to faint from the heat loudly exclaiming. Then THUD.

    samit2heck , Jawm Ling/pexels Report

    WindySwede
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you gotta go, you gotta go.

    LB
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And I can also feel it coming

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    arthbach
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've only fainted a few times, but never have I had the energy to explain loudly in the moments before fainting.

    Karen Krause
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My sister was in a car accident and hit her head, while the cop was questioning her what happened, she suddenly said, "Excuse me." and promptly fainted. It was the other guy's fault. She was seen by the doctor and they couldn't find anything, but wanted her to stay awake for a few hours just in case.

    Learner Panda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I told my ex I was going to faint. He didn't believe me. Next thing I know I am in the car with the cooling fan on. I had very bad tonsillitis.

    Jen Exer
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This happened to me at my uncle's funeral. Luckily, there was a memorial bench right behind me. I aimed for that and passed out while already lying down. And there were three nurses at the service, as well as my own mother, so I was well attended while I recovered. I kept apologizing that I took away any attention from my uncle's service.

    HF
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I just read this in Hans Moleman's voice

    Paulina
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a person who faints from time to time, I wish I had her wit and timing to announce myself this way 😂

    Stannous Flouride
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Saw the same at a Texas summertime wedding.

    Science Nerd
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have an older relative who passed out at the funeral of a firefighters. She was instantly swarmed by both firefighters and paramedics.

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    #16

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals A woman kicked her husband's coffin and spat on it, all while screaming that she hoped he was rotting in hell.

    He [took his own life] and left her with five children to raise all by herself.

    jacobr1020 , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

    Lyoness
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's sad on so many levels.

    Papa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I once heard someone say that suicide was one of the most selfish things a person can do, because it leaves such a mess for others to deal with. I've never heard of a better illustration of that theory than this story.

    Vivi Pettiss
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When someone commits suicide, many times they aren't thinking of what comes after. It's a feeling of "I NEED it all to end". Doesn't make it a good thing but many times it's more impulsive than people think.

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    Grumpyness24
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    dang that must have been traumatic for the kids to see

    Keith Lancaster
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People take their own lives are far too often judged by people who have no idea what is happening in their minds.

    Aballi
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    *died by suicide* Past time to remove the stigma around suicide.

    Captain McSmoot
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    I'm starting to understand why he took his own life now...but, dude, just divorce and take the kids.

    Sa Ruuu
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It sounds more like her taking out her anger stemming from grief from being left alone without her partner to raise 5 children by herself

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    Slapdash1
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Wonder why he offed himself?

    Mumma Cass
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dude! Totally inappropiate! You don't know what happened.. she probably lashed out because he couldn't find the courage to open up & conmunicate with anyone. Just keep your uneducated opinoins to yourself!!

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    #17

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals The priest kept referring to the deceased as “Nanette”, but her name was “Ann”. Then went further, mentioning how unfair it was that she died at 20, but it was an open casket for a 94 year old woman.

    FlannerysPeacock , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

    justagirl
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    whoops! got the obituaries mixed up! hold on...

    Janissary35680
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Possibly somebody jumped the queue...

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    Irishwoman abroad
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Someone had been at the communion wine a bit early!

    Bidango Smith
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yikes - imagine if he then gave 94yr old Ann's Eulogy at Nannette's funeral.

    Amused panda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh dear, yes. Comments on how she had a long life...and so many other ways in which Ann's life fulfilled what Nanette's did not

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    Captain McSmoot
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My great-grandmother died at 93.5. She was "39" up until she turned 80... then she was officially "40" for the rest of her days :)

    Disgruntled Pelican
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My friend died from a massive heart attack at 15 years old. At his funeral, the priest who had known my friend for 5+ years at this point, never once pronounced his name correctly. I sat and sobbed because it felt like adding insult to injury.

    Tucker Cahooter
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Find/Replace in MS Word is your friend

    CanadianDimes
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well it *was* unfair she died at 20 since she lived 74 more years after that!

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    #18

    My parents told me about a funeral they attended where the man had [taken his own life]. The song the funeral home chose to play was Frank Sinatra's I Did It My Way.

    Talk about awkward.

    natemadsen Report

    eric p
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's not wrong... morbid but not wrong

    Tucker Cahooter
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Consider yourself lucky they didn't choose the theme from the movie "M*A*S*H"

    jo_shortland
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My Dad wants 'Another One Bits The Dust' by Queen at his funeral !!

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good for him! I'm having "waiting for the hammer to fall"

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    harshtart
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ex husband had the version by Sid Vicious at his funeral. I chose it.

    Agamemnon O'Neill
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The funeral home never picks the songs. Friends or family have to request it.

    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    🎵🎵 "Always look on the bright side of life" 🎵🎵

    Deborah B
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe the deceased had a sense of irony, and left a funeral plan?

    Rachel Pelz
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dunno...suicide means a lot of suffering, feeling desperate...hardly ever a deliberate decision of a carefree person, as the song suggests.

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    #19

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals At the end of her eulogy, the wife of the deceased introduced the girlfriend of the deceased, who then gave her own eulogy.

    cat-clowder , Pavel Danilyuk/pexels Report

    Lyoness
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It'll sound ironic but that's actually classy, the wife being a big enough person to allow the GF to speak at the funeral.

    Enuya
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To be fair, the wife and the deceased man could be going through amicable divorce and he died before they finished the procedure. Or they could be in a poly relationship.

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    Brenda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When my younger brother's grandfather was dying, Grandmom moved his hospital bed next to one of the huge windows that opened onto the porch. She removed the screens and put a comfortable chair & small side table on the porch by the window. She left the house at 10am and didn't return until late in the evening. This allowed his mistress of over 25 years to come spend the day together one last time. Grandmom was a super classy lady. And so was my Aunt Dot, his mistress, who sent Grandmom flowers as a personal thank you for her extreme kindness. Love and miss them both

    Tom Brincefield
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your younger brother's grandfather is also your grandfather.

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    Beachbum
    Community Member
    12 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husban'ds obit said that he was survived by his wife and girlfriend, we were not together, we just never divorced

    Heather Hernandez
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A classy way to out him to his friends and family. Don't speak ill of the dead. Don't tell everyone "that jerk was cheating on me." Be the better woman and introduce the poor grieving girlfriend at his funeral and let everyone there form their own opinions. Gotta love it.

    Amber White
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, maybe they weren’t fully separated yet. Or maybe they were into polygamy?

    Kay Christensen
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Considerate or awkward? You decide. 🤔

    Loreta
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No young children I suppose

    Donna Peluda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a client who was a CEO in the leisure industry. Hotels casino's shopping centers. Great guy help me big time when I was a rookie in the business and always spoiled me and my wife who came sometimes on business trips. Sadly I couldn't make it to the funeral but I was told all is 4 ex wife's were there plus the BJ dealer and head of HR he was having affairs with. I struggle with on GF, how he juggled all this is beyond me. Legend Manuel. Miss you mate.

    L Norton
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But the wife drew the line, when assets from the estate were dolled out?

    Bored Trash Panda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe they had an arrangement for this? Or the GF didn't get anything like you said. You never know someone's story by a couple sentences written out on a thread.

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    Ellinor
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he was cheating on his wife with another, maybe the other didn't knew he was married ? In this case it's not her fault, and she too has memories with him. (or it could be a polyamorous relationship)

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    #20

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals My BIL was a beloved redneck and Civil War Reenactor. At his funeral he had a Confederate flag and honor guard. My wife is black. Knowing what was coming I begged her not to go, but she gritted her teeth and suffered through it for my sister’s sake. As the service concluded they were going to play “Dixie” but luckily (for me) they couldn’t get the music to work. I thought I had dodged a bullet when some a-hole in the back stood up and yelled, “Come on folks, you know the words!”. Everyone in funeral stood up and sang “Dixie” in the church, even the pastor. We sat quiet and arms crossed on the front row. My wife and I laugh about it now but I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life!

    4everGM , Pavel Danilyuk /pexels Report

    Lyoness
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not downvoting, but I'd imagine the offensive part was that it was the rallying cry of the Confederacy. You know, the guys fighting to keep slavery legal. Sarcasm aside, it's not the lyrics or melody that bothers people, it's that it was the hymn of the south during the civil war.

    spjhnx52pq
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Yet nobody’s talking about how slavery is legal in Africa. More white people died to stop slavery than black people, but yeah “Dixie” is deffo the hill to *** on.

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    Robin Roper
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a child of the south, I remember sitting in class when the US Civil War was covered thinking to myself - gee, didn't this mean we, the south, were traitors. I never understood the desire to claim that part of our culture. It's a shame it has become the way most male southern youth express their pride. I struggled as a mother to help my son find an alternative; it was hard.

    Lola July
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I never understood why the confederate flag was a symbol of pride either. I hated it, as I did the swastika. Yes, I'm from the north. I had a SIL from AL and for years I detected southerners.

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    Robin Roper
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A song written in 1859. Originally a “walk-around,” or concluding number for a minstrel show. It became highly popularity in many areas, not just the south, and was later the unofficial national anthem of the Confederacy during the American Civil War (1861–65) and, sadly, of the South thereafter. This is the chorus: I wish I was in Dixie, Hooray! Hooray! In Dixie’s Land I’ll take my stand to live and die in Dixie. Away, away, away down south in Dixie. Away, away, away down south in Dixie.

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    Don Adams
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ironically, Dixie was written by a Northener, and Battle Hymn of the Republic by a Southerner.

    daniel ikelman
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would never attend a racist redneck funeral. But, I would never be friends with a racist redneck anyway

    Roberta Surprenant
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Actually Dixie was one of Abraham Lincoln's favorite songs and he was known to request it be played.

    Hobby Hopper
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Somehow I've managed to go my entire life without knowing Dixie was used this way by the Confederacy. That definitely changes the way I feel about it.

    Alien-Gal-19
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would've sweard at everyone. Right then, right there.

    Chris Sands
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Dixie" Was Abraham Lincoln's favorite song. He said he missed hearing it during the war (as northern bands stopped playing it)

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    #21

    Not me, but my father. When he was 16, his best friend drowned. The canoe they were in tipped over when one guy they invited decided to goof off and stand up. My father's friend couldn't swim and ended up drowning about 15 feet from the shore.

    At the funeral, the jerk that stood up in the boat showed up. The first thing he did was approach the mother, father and sister of the deceased friend and ask them if he could have his vinyl collection.

    TheBoomExpress Report

    TribbleThinking
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm surprised they didn't throw him in the grave before lowering the coffin.

    Kraneia The Dancing Dryad
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hoping parents gave a resounding no, and told him to get TF out.

    L Norton
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How many days did that dude spend in the hospital? He on first name basis with the orthodontist?

    AR
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why wasn’t the guy who couldn’t wearing a life preserver? Or why did he even go out in a canoe? I’ll never understand the lack of self-preservation people have.

    Alexandra
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope they punched his lights out....the nerve!

    Patricia Richardson
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i’m surprised he didn’t get punched/cursed out,

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    #22

    At my grandfathers funeral, when the rabbis had to come to us to tell us that they brought the wrong body.

    suugakusha Report

    Tucker Cahooter
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ah, so that's where Nanette ended up!

    Katy McMouse
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My aunt died on a trip to Ireland. She was cremated because we were told it would be easier and more timely to get her remains home to us. The night of the visitation, the funeral director sheepishly approached us to say her remains had been lost somewhere between LaGuardia and the funeral home, but they placed an urn, so no one would get upset. My friend, who was standing next to my mum and me, looked at the urn, then back at the director and said "that's a hell of a stunt double!". My mum and I were dying as the director tried ro to assure us it was empty, while my friend slipped away to watch what he had done. Best funeral ever.

    cerinamroth
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Normally the tradition of shemira followed by a fast burial stops this!

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    #23

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals The thud of someone collapsing and dying.

    A lady had a sudden heart attack and died at my grandma’s funeral.

    MrLanesLament , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

    MetaMom
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Death at a Funeral sounds like the title for a dark comedy

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    Enuya
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Quite a lot of people die at funerals and weddings. Emotions, stress, often alcohol and long periods of standing in hot/cold - a lot of factors to start a stroke or heart attack

    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For funerals of elderly people , the odds increase because of the demographic.

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    manu michael
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    that one uncle: "There's room! just fit her in the coffin, yeah just scootch her to the side yeah there we go!"

    KDav
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow. Way to steal my thunder, Gertrude.

    Angela C
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And you thought proposing at someone else's wedding was rude

    DetriMentaL (It/That)
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Were they having a 2 for 1 special by any chance.......?

    Kurtis Karr
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's like proposing at someone else's wedding. Poor taste.

    YDNinja
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Excuse me, Miss, may I borrow that coffin for a moment?"

    Shannimal
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Some people will do anything for attention.

    Alien-Gal-19
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know it's wrong, but... TALK ABOUT COMIDIC TIMING! (I have dark humor, cut me some slack.)

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    #24

    So, my uncle Joe passed recently, and in the haste of putting together a ceremony, a random officiant was hired off Craigslist. Think Carol Baskins from Tiger King with a sing-song voice and woo-woo-crystal vibes. Initially, the ceremony seemed to be going really well - a series of community members shared really lovely and heartfelt eulogies honoring my uncle, I'm crying, we're all loving on this guy, and then.

    Apropos of nothing, having literally zero connection to my uncle or the family, frickin Carol Baskins takes back the mic and decides that as officiant, she also needed to say her piece, to professionally set our grieving hearts at ease.

    What follows was the most absurd ten minutes of my life - hot on the tail of lovely testimonies from people who actually knew and loved my uncle, Carol proceeds to describe what she imagined he might have been like. Namely, she strongly felt that he probably lived in the present moment, much as one does when they are walking down the stairs with a cup of coffee and they trip and fall (her exact words).

    In that moment, she says, (rising into a tone of triumphant revelation) there is no time for anger, or fear, there is only joy and acceptance, because you are living in the present moment, just as she felt my uncle definitely probably did.

    You see, she says, it's sort of like one of her spiritual adherents once told her - they had been driving down the interstate in Wyoming, and they hit a slick patch at 70 mph. Wait, was it slick, or was it slippery? Nono, she thinks it was slick. And so the SUV - it's an SUV, by the way - starts rolling, and in that moment time slows down, and her spiritual adherent feels a sense of serene calm come over them, and they have the presence of mind to stop their head from smashing into the windshield, and they pull their leg back into the SUV before - ah that's right, the window was down, so it must have been slippery - pull their leg back into the SUV before it was snapped off as the car rolled.

    "And you see, that's what Joe's life was like, she thinks. Just a beautiful, extended SUV rollover crash where he lived persistently, stubbornly, in the present moment."

    Now, all through this dada-esque scree, my partner and I are sitting on the hard wooden pew, our grief short-circuited into utter bemusement, and we are literally shaking with mirth at how surreal and inappropriate it was for this stranger to hijack a nice ceremony with her weird woo-woo worldview, and how inappropriate it was for us to be responding this way. And the thing about the wooden pews is they perfectly convey the vibration from the other person's repressed laughter, and so we sat hunched over for the entire presentation, trapped in this cycle of inappropriate laughter reverberating back and forth between us, trying to quietly gasp for breath and thinking of anything that wasn't this insane experience. At one point, we have to mask our gasping laughter as a quiet sob, which is equally inappropriate.

    She proceeds, "I would have really liked to know Joe, and if I did, I think I would have thought of him as a comet, always moving forward, leaving bits of himself wherever he went. Dim the lights, please."

    This is the part where we pretty much black out from lack of oxygen.

    The lights dim, the haunting melodies of Enya fill the small chapel, and up on the projector screen, the slideshow images of my uncle's face are replaced with a four-minute montage of spiraling galaxies and nebulae and a single comet image, straight out of a mid-90s Bowl-a-Rama. This is clearly a video of her own design, she chose it for this occasion over her other greatest consolatory hits (waterfall.wav, sunlitmeadow.wav, SUVrollover.wav), and it means a great deal to her - she stands watching it intently for the full four minutes, and then turns to us with great gravity as the lights rise, and says, "To Joe, our shining comet. We miss you."

    The ceremony ends at this point, and my partner and I absolutely hustle out of the chapel, making no eye contact, and Quasimodo-ing away with our heads down to go scream-laugh in the back alley behind the funeral home.

    Later, we apologized to my aggrieved uncles/aunts/cousins at the reception (horror of horrors, we had been sitting right behind them the entire time), and everyone assured us it was one of the more bizarre performances they'd ever seen. But dammit, Joe would have liked it, beautiful rollover crash/comet that he was.

    To this date that funeral is the most uncomfortable I've ever felt. It was hilarious, but holy hell.

    axolotlfarmer Report

    Brenda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OMG! That's terrible and freaking hilarious all at the same time! Why didn't anyone stop her!?!

    Joseph Miller
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    !!! "SUVrollover.wav"!!! Laughed out loud!

    Papa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP is a good writer. To be clear, I'm not saying the story is made-up, but that OP did a very good job of describing it.

    Catharina Geerts
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I couldn't even finish reading, couldn't stay concentrated on the text

    Khall Khall
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The funeral scene in Disjointed is so much this...

    Katy McMouse
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like she went to the Trump school of storytelling.

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    #25

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals Is there any food in the box over there? An old lady who pointed to the coffin.

    EllJayEss140988 , Mario Wallner/pexels Report

    Mrs.C
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But that is called "cannibalism," my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.

    Janissary35680
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "There might be. Go see for yourself."

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    #26

    My grandfather had a whole secret family show up to his funeral. Myself, and my Dad, and uncle all know about the secret family.......the rest of the family did not.

    The only saving grace was the my family speaks English and doesn't know much Spanish. Grandads secret family was mainly Spanish speakers.


    I will never forget comforting my grandmother that day. She was so confused as to who these other people were and why were they so sad and upset.


    It was like watching a car wreck in slow motion.

    workaholic007 Report

    Kinak
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    how does one have a secret family (im not suspicious wdym)

    Bertha Madott
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A friend’s father had a secret family. His real family (6 kids??} was always struggling with $$$. The dad was very active in the church. The secret family of “wife and 2 kids” likewise was struggling. Both wives looked alike. Bedraggled and overworked. It was nuts!!! When the story eventually came out family #1 were in shock. Ghastly situation

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    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You and your dad should have hustled them out. They could hold their own memorial service instead of disrupting the one your grandmother is paying for.

    PattyK
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    I, my dad, and …

    Astar_ALT
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No one likes the grammar police, especially when they feel like the place to go nuts is on a fücking post about FUNERALS

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    #27

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals My dads funeral. My younger sister’s friend stood up and said that when she was a teenager she used to stay at our house JUST to see my dad and then went off on how they used to drink downstairs when everyone was asleep.

    anon , Pavel Danilyuk/pexels Report

    Gracie Mae
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    sounds like someone i know--her child once commented how he couldn't believe that when she got up to speak at her mother's funeral, she made it all about herself

    Vicki Thill
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never let your younger sister's friend speak; you just tell her to sit her a*s down and zip it. They always have something to say, don't they?

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    #28

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals My ex mother in law got up at her dad's funeral and did a speech almost entirely about her own horse.

    Soopercow Report

    Glix Drap
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She was just horsing around.

    LizzieBoredom
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't wait for the horse's funeral.

    Richienotsorich
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Former SIL did just that at her Dad's funeral...OMG!

    Camber Hollywood
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe it was an analogy to keep it G rated.

    Mrs.C
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My uncle did my grandfather's eulogy leaning on the podium from the side and half of it was about how he (my uncle) got a PHD and it was the proudest day of my grandfather's life. Not the birth of his 5 children, his 64 year marriage to my grandmother, his 10 grandkids, or the great-grandkids he absolutely doted on. Just my uncle's PHD.

    Alexandra
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She had to to talk to a horse about a man....

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    #29

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals It's not really weird, but it got me to laugh, and i still laugh

    "STOP ARGUING, THIS IS MY HUSBAND'S LAST FUNERAL"

    And another on the same day by the same woman

    YOU LIAR, YOU PROMISED ME 50 YEARS AND ONLY GAVE ME 48

    and to add, i had some clothes i thought looked nice, but i guess they were not because she was pacing back and forth before finally saying

    "Come here, you are not wearing that to my husband's funeral."

    Then she gave me one of his old suits to wear XD.

    ElGuero93 , Esma Atak/pexels Report

    Rachel Pelz
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Last funeral...the other seven, he maneged to make his way out of the coffin..

    Jaaawn
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe the husband was a cat that used up all of his 9 lives?

    KDav
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They paid good money for that suit. It would be a shame if it didn't get worn to mourn.

    Matt Ronald Slater
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So... Who's funeral was it, and who was this "lady?"

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    #30

    Kinda tame by the standards here, but at my uncles funeral, his ex wife (who had walked out on him to go off partying. Leaving him to raise two teenage boys alone) started taking on the role of grieving widow.

    “I can’t believe he’s gone. He meant so much to me. Blah blah blah.”


    While she was there with the guy she was living with who supported her through her tears.


    Funny thing is she’s our actual blood relation, but we kept him in the family. Called him Uncle but just used her name when talking to her.

    algy888 Report

    Wolf princess quinn
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We always wanted my bil to replace our sister!

    Damned_Cat
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OMG! My mother did the same thing! She and my father had been divorced for 25 years and she was married to her second husband. She cried and wailed and introduced herself to people she didn't know as "Bill's widow" with her own husband standing right there. My aunts were all asking me what she was up to with that, but I was just as confused. Obviously, this was all an act because a few days later I got a call from the bank telling me that my father's widow was trying to close his account (that also had my name on it.) When I went to claim my father's life insurance, I was told that his wife had already filed the claim. I had to get a copy of their divorce decree to prove that I was next of kin. Crazy!

    #31

    Had an uncle go on a extended racist diatribe about "those people". I was expecting the person who was in the coffin to come back and beat the s**t out of him because that is the last thing they ever wanted to hear.

    grody10 Report

    Chonky Panda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why don't anyone stop these people when they begin their rant??

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    #32

    My X wife’s family were the faith-healing type and some of them were convinced they were going to pray the recently deceased up out of the casket. People throwing themselves on the ground, weeping, having to be removed, slowly realizing he wasn’t going to wake up and actively experiencing the finality of death in real time. It was awful.

    ceci_mcgrane Report

    Rachel Pelz
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Part of their way of mourning maybe?

    Jane Doe
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The denial stage. I'm with OP, watching people realize their loved one is dead is horrific.

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    ABC no seven FCK CENSORING
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    X wife? Is that what becomes of a Twitter girlfriend?

    #33

    "Hello.

    I'm here as a fellow human to acknowledge that Lester has, as we know, passed on.

    Lester was a man. Also, Lester was an employee of the Waystar company for 40 years.

    And when a man dies, it is sad. All of us will die one day. In this case, it is Lester who has done so.

    Lester was alive for 78 years. But no more. Now he is dead.

    Lester's wife is Maria. They were married for 15 years. Now she is sad.".

    anon Report

    eric p
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How do you do fellow humans

    Karen Krause
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You do know that's a tell that the person is really an alien.

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    Veronica Jean
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ...and we are positive this wasn't written by two racoons and an owl in a trenchcoat?

    Andy Frobig
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When you say it like that, no, we're not sure at all

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    Al Fun
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good job, Connor Roy!

    J C
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    finally! someone who acknowledged where this is from. Succession!

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    Barbara Burns
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Was the speaker an elementary school student?

    CultOfBambi
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nope, this is from a TV show (Succession). The deceased was a creepy perv who everyone called Uncle Moe (Moe Lester) so there it was a struggle to say something that was both true and nice.

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    Philly Bob Squires
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "He died doing what he loved, which was clinging to life and trying not to die. Which he was very good at… until recently."

    S Bow
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Here lies Lester Moore, took four shots from a .44, no Less, no more. Real gravestone inscription in Tombstone Arizona.

    Jane Doe
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They need to give a Turing test before you are allowed to speak at a funeral.

    Lihi Porat
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Someone asked ChatGPT to write a eulogy and didn't check it before the funeral...

    Khall Khall
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Funerals by ChatGPT. Only $29.99!

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    #34

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals At my granny’s funeral, the pastor that was leading her service, was giving his little speech about her life and all that. Keep in mind, this man had known my granny just about his whole life, decided to go on a tangent about people dying with MS and Cystic Fibrosis. He barely spoke a word about her life or her accomplishments etc. My granny died in her sleep and other than having a few strokes years prior, was in decent enough health. It completely ruined the funeral for me.

    Averagedadof8 , cottonbro studio /pexels Report

    Rachel Pelz
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At all the funerals I've attended, the priest had spoken with a member of the family and would make that the basis of his account of the deceased's life. Sometimes even refering to that conversation, like: " as you (widow) told me".

    Veronica Jean
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This. Makes me wonder if ghere are senile people talking to the priest at the funeral mixing up their own issues with the deceased

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    Kiss Army
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At our aunt's funeral, the preacher started telling this story about the "last time he spoke to Carol" she was having lunch and when they came to take her tray, she said to let her "keep the fork". Then he launched into this long winded story about how when you eat your meal and someone takes your plate, you will often keep your fork because you will need it for the best part which is dessert. Then he talked about how life is like the meal and heaven is the dessert so that is why Carol wanted to keep her fork at the end of her life. So at the end of this 25+ minute very over-told story about his last visit with Carol, we realized it was bs and not even a real story about any real visit. This man had been her pastor for over 40 years and he only read her obituary word-for-word from the newspaper and told a fake story about her.

    #35

    I recently went to a memorial service at a rock church kinda place and was absolutely shocked at how they twisted the narrative of this dead man to be a super manipulative recruitment fair for their church. It was shameless. A phrase they repeated often throughout was “the best thing about NAME was his deep love for god” and at the end they asked people to come up and be saved. Wtf?!

    InternationalRent626 Report

    WindySwede
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gotta get em moneys!

    Kinak
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I read that "monkeys" and was this close from laughing too hard

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    Melissa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I absolutely forbid my great uncle, a pastor, from doing the same at my dad's funeral. My dad pretty much rejected religion and he would not have wanted his funeral to be a recruitment drive for what he considered a cult. I was 21. Divorced parents. Mom was very proud of me. It's a long story actually.

    sbj
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wouldn't fall for this rubbish as I'm well aware I'm past saving

    Tamra
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This happened at friend's funeral. He was not a believer, but his wife was, so she insisted on the full Christian claptrap. My friend was a recovered alcoholic who dedicated his life and 30 years of sobriety to helping other alcoholics who were suffering. At his service, the pastor went out of his way to say that it wasn't my friend who actually helped anyone, it was Jesus christ, and then went on a hour long recruitment sermon. I'm hard pressed to say that I've ever been angrier than I was that day.

    Wolf princess quinn
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep. This is what the "good christians" have turned an already corrupt institute into

    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If God is all powerful, why does he need so much money from others all the time?

    Michele W
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I also hate this. I now leave funerals as soon as the preacher/minister/"evangelist" starts talking. I like the stories about the deceased, but I'm not sitting through all the bs that the officiants spew out.

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    #36

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals The widow accidentally confirmed what many had suspected for years; she had cheated on her first husband with her now deceased husband. She talked about how they met and going down to visit him in another country for several years; you could literally see people doing the math in their heads.

    blackpugstudios , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

    P R
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not the time nor place to talk about that

    Justme
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol - my ex-husband’s 2nd wife once posted a sweet tribute on Facebook about how they met and fell in love in 1998, married in 2004, two kids and 20 years later… blah blah blah… My best friend hilariously and publicly pointed out “aww you met in 1998, the same year he married his FIRST WIFE!” I laughed so hard at that!

    #37

    Old woman saying "how is your father? I haven't seen him for a long time. " to the son who lost his father.

    cacosomola Report

    Tucker Cahooter
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "He's over there, in the casket. Go over and say hello"

    BookFanatic
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The guy behind the counter asks how my mom is every time I go into the convenience store where she used to buy cigarettes. Mom's been gone for five years. I don't go to that store any more.

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    #38

    In college, my girlfriend’s friend (Samantha) had been dating this guy (Pete) for a while. Pete was a depressed guy who was regularly drunk. He ended up hanging himself and was found by Samantha. In his suicide note he apparently had detailed some things he would like to be done at his funeral.

    Everything was relatively normal about the funeral until the pastor noted that Pete left some instructions for the following songs to be played at the funeral. Cue Clay Walker’s version of Holding Her and Loving You being faded in over the speakers. For those that don’t know it’s a song about a guy who is with one woman while loving another. This song provided an awkward contrast to the room of sniffles and tears as basically everyone learned how their deceased loved one was cheating on Samantha. After that song was over Free Bird started playing. Yes it was the full version and yes the preacher abruptly stopped it halfway through the eight minute guitar solo.

    Found out later that not only was the other mystery girl in attendance at the funeral but that Samantha had known about her and Pete the entire time. She was fine with it.

    anon Report

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    #39

    In my dad's eulogy for his father, he told everybody that grandpa tried to [end] him by allowing a tractor to tip over on him.

    Oddly enough, a friend of the family had died when a tractor he was riding tipped over and pinned him to the ground.

    It's pretty weird.

    Neuromantic85 Report

    nicole ツ
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That might not be a coincidence

    ABC no seven FCK CENSORING
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    KILL, BP, it's KILL. Why for fúck's sake do you keep redacting perfectly normal words? Pull that stick out your árses and tell the stories you're stealing from other pages like they are supposed to.

    Tom Brincefield
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why do you keep reading it if you know they're going to be censoring it and it pisses you off?

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    Matt Ronald Slater
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Before or after the grandfather's funeral?

    #40

    At Glenn’s funeral the priest said reluctantly, “And now we will recite the Lord’s Prayer…with edits by Glenn.”

    There was also a prerecorded message from Glenn.

    chapchapchapchapchap Report

    Rachel Pelz
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So what were Glenn's edits?

    Science Nerd
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They started with “You’re probably wondering why I called this meeting.”

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    Sarah
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had the idea to film myself once a year delivering the exact same speech. When I die the video could be spliced together to show me aging. Wouldn't that be cool to show at my funeral? My family was absolutely horrified.

    cerinamroth
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I‘ve heard of the Good News Bible and the King James Bible but never Glenn‘s Edits!

    Asmodeus Hare
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Glenn sounds like he would had "pop goes the weasel"

    Batwench
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I need to hear them.

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    #41

    “And We Thank God For The Train That Hit Him”: 45 Things People Overheard At Funerals A random dude approached us and said "My bad." Then f*****g left the ceremony.

    Quazeroigma_5610 , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

    Captain McSmoot
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "' I'm sorry' and 'I apologize' mean the same thing... unless you're at a funeral." Demetri Martin

    Debby Keir
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Possibly he realised he was at the wrong funeral?

    Earthquake903
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And then.....? Don't leave us hanging

    Bay Bo
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Umm, my bad? Did he maybe have something to do w the person being in the casket?

    sbj
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Probably one of a bizarre group of people who go to funerals of people they don't know that they see announced in a newspaper, in the UK they do this for the free buffet

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    #42

    I wouldn't say weirdest, but definitely most "unspoken truth." My dad's extended side of the family is more well-off and as a result, pretty distant from us common folk, so we never see them, except for at funerals because a lot of them just can't be bothered with any other attempt at a family event.

    Back in 2009-2014, we had a series of deaths, starting with a great uncle and ending with (sadly) my grandmother. A couple months before my grandmother passed, my dad's oldest sister lost the battle to ovarian cancer. I remember after the service, one of my dad's brothers was leaving and just kinda held up his hand and said, "welp! See yall at the next one!" and left.

    The next one was his mom. Wonder if he felt bad about it or even remembered that he said that. I should ask him when I see him at a funeral in two weeks.

    krigsgaldrr Report

    Rachel Pelz
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At a Roman Catholic funeral: "now let us pray for the deceased and for all of us who assembled here today, and especially for the one of us who is to die next." Felt like, OK, have the deceased throw the bouquet now...

    Veronica Jean
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am 100% on board with the throwing of the bouquet to see who dies next.

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    Andy Frobig
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In my family, funerals aren't that solemn, and lunch afterward is usually a big reunion with lots of laughs. After my dad's funeral a couple of years ago, I said, "This has been a lot of fun, we should do it again soon!" And after a pause: "Any volunteers?"

    Damned_Cat
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This odd thing happened with my dad's side of the family in that most of the siblings and close relatives died close together. My aunt Eloise and my grandma died within a week of each other, my dad and his sister Irene died within a week of each other, and my uncle Ray and his sister, aunt Dean, died separately on the same day. Our family has a pretty dark sense of humor, so at my aunt Dean's wake, we cousins were talking about who we want to be paired up with when it's our time to go.

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    #43

    My gran. 96 years old. All that could be said about her life was summed up (to the ten people in attendance) by the vicar as "she kept a clean house". That's it. And that was a lie. I hope hell is fun Gran!

    QueenEris Report

    whodunnitfan2013
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grandmother wasn't a good person, either. I just skipped her funeral, despite my parents trying to manipulate me into going (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...).

    Papa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She sounds like the kind of person who has people come to her funeral, not to mourn her passing, but to make sure she's really dead.

    Zoe's Mom
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Biological father left when I was 2 or 3. When he died, my Mother said and did everything to try and get me to go to his funeral. Nope. Now, I had a landlord for 18 years and he was a wonderful man. He would raise my rent $5.00 to $10.00 a year except for one year that he had to re-pipe all the units. I live in California and never did my rent go over $1000.00 in those 18 years. I received a letter in the mail one summer telling me he died while on vacation in Europe. I CRIED BUCKETS for this man. But you know, he went out the way he wanted. Beautiful man and still miss him to this day.

    Tucker Cahooter
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can top that. Four people, myself, two siblings plus one other. All over in ten minutes. I can't remember anything positive being said

    #44

    "God needed him more than we did" - some priest.

    KronosMaximus Report

    Rachel Pelz
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    WTF? Like, if you believe in God, a person can't be close to God when alive?!?

    Veronica Jean
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There should be a book: what not to say when someone dies.

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    Jaaawn
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or 'they're in a better place.' I'm pretty sure they'd prefer to be here, living life and enjoying their loved ones.

    Zoe's Mom
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was going to say the exact same thing and I'm happy to see that someone feels the same way. Thank you Jaawn.

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    Khall Khall
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Of all the billions of people who have died, I feel like uncle Ralph probable could have stayed a few more years...

    Katy McMouse
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hate that. God's got enough help, thank you very much.

    DetriMentaL (It/That)
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I shouldn't snicker but i see this in a sitcom with canned laughter in the background and the deceased was a janitor/custodian.

    Kinak
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    yea now they both are living in some people's mind -

    A.V.
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Religioys people are often incredibly insensitive.

    Tommy DePaul
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I kinda like this one. It's hopeful and majestic.

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    #45

    "Sorry for your loss. Move on.".

    fh3131 Report

    PFD
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    IT Crowd for anyone missing where this comes from.

    Jaaawn
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The IT Crowd has this joke in it.

    Don Adams
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like Trump or Vance was there.

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    #46

    The ill-informed priest consistently calling the deceased Julie

    Her name was Julia.

    snow_michael Report

    eric p
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I went to a wedding where the grooms father kept talking about how much they loved having Allison in their family. Her name was Alyssa

    Rachel Pelz
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "I remember her and all those precious moments...knew her so closely"

    BookFanatic
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At my uncle's funeral, the priest kept referring to him by his last name. My mom wanted to deck the priest.

    #47

    "would you like a signed copy of my book on sales?"
    -my uncle to each guest at his mother's funeral.

    Giant_Disappointment Report

    Rachel Pelz
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Book title: "How to be the biggest jerk possible"

    Sayya van Santen
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wonder if he had much sales.. And where in the book he had written down it would be an amazing idea to sell at funerals..

    #48

    At my grandma's funeral they had a new pastor who hadn't really known her at all. A day or two before he had asked my dad what sort of things she liked, and my dad (who was obviously dealing with a lot at the time) had just said something about how she liked bird watching and had enjoyed a trip to the mountains once.

    Well the pastor made the entire sermon about birds and mountains, and what they symbolized, and how important they were to her. Birds and mountains. He must have repeated that phrase in a super dramatic tone a dozen times. That's the only thing I even remember about the funeral now, and I was a pallbearer!

    We laugh about it now, but I think everyone was a little sad that the ceremony was basically reduced to two words that honestly were little more than a footnote in her actual life.

    Th3_Admiral Report

    Enuya
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It was a nice gesture from the pastor though. He took his time to ask the family and then created a "personalized" eulogy. It's not his fault that he got wrong data.

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    #49

    At my uncle’s funeral, my cousin stood up and did a speech… About herself.

    strawberrypops Report

    Lyoness
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, everyone knows funerals are for the living, so...

    Lisa Peterson
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe she caught the bouquet and she's just really on top of that eulogy of hers?

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    #50

    I watched family members fighting at there mothers funeral about who gets f*****g what.

    Weird to me.

    Dangerous_Safety1296 Report

    Geoffrey Scott
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Watched my FIL and some of the siblings argue over the "loot" at their Mom's funeral, I mean pushing each other and everything. My wife was SO embarrassed.

    Science Nerd
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Could be worse. Somebody might have skipped the funeral to go help themselves to the loot at her home.

    Marie BellaDonna
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pretty sure my sister and I aren't going to inherit a thing from my recently deceased father's estate. We're fairly certain it's all going to our stepmother and step siblings. But we're NOT going to argue about it. Dad turned his back on us long ago. They were his priority. So if they want it all, they can keep it. 🤷‍♀️

    PattyK
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    … at their mother’s …

    Kare Deter
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honestly, you are tiresome and have proven yourself, repeatedly, to not be as intelligent as you think you are. For a change maybe you could try contributing something relevant to the conversation/post.

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    Papa
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    At least I was capitalized, and the punctuation was correct.

    #51

    My BIL died and his side were very evangelical. They started waving their arms in the air and singing and responding “amen” to every line the preacher said. It was awkward and embarrassing.

    anon Report

    Rachel Pelz
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "He hated that bigottery of exclaiming amen! all the time." - "Amen!"

    Kinak
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Catholic churches are some of the worst places for a Kid to be, standing up 2 of 3 hours to listen to adults singing badly or other strange behaviors, this scarred me, and I haven't been at a funeral my whole life!

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    #52

    At my mom's funeral. Someome from highschool (i wouldn't call friend) said "happy birthday" knowing damn well my birthday had passed 6 months already.

    turkoman304 Report

    Enuya
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe a bad case of tied tongue? Like when waiter says "Enjoy your meal" and you answer "You too"?

    cerinamroth
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Someone I sort of knew shouted ‘Hey! How’s it going?!’ in an excited voice at my dad’s funeral. I smiled and shouted back: ‘Great thanks! You?’ The thing is, it was actually almost true. But mega awks because everyone heard.

    Wolf princess quinn
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If they weren't a friend, why would they know when your bday wss?

    Kraneia The Dancing Dryad
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Probably didn't know what else to say, was already feeling bad they'd missed the birthday and it kinda slipped out.

    Al Fun
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Outrageous!

    #53

    I my wife's grandmother funeral my SILs new boyfriend wore a bright orange crush shirt and cargo shorts.

    ZonaBogie Report

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    #54

    I know a couple of people were joking at a funeral to make sure the casket was level. The deceased was a builder and a stickler for detail.

    I have seen an argument devolve into a fistfight over one of the 20 watches the deceased had.

    Luckily not my family, I was delovering ti that crematorium and watched it happen from the kitchen.

    DutchJediKnight Report

    Kristiina Männiste
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Actually joking about the casket being level for a builder is kind of sweet.

    Not-a-Clue (she/her)
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I were a builder, I'd want a spirit level on my casket.

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    Heras buddy
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I want jokes like this at a funeral. Ones that the person would have appreciated instead of snide remarks. Please have fun at my funeral Lifes been good, some tuff times but good all the same.

    Debby Keir
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Needed a 'spirit' level in the casket.

    DetriMentaL (It/That)
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Perfect time to whip out the ol' spirit level

    UKGrandad
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Having the coffin perfectly level in the grave is a thing for some people. A friend of mine was a gravedigger in a town with quite a sizeable settled Gypsy community. Whenever he had to prepare the plot for one of their burials a member of the family would always check the level once the hole was dug. My friend once asked why and he was told to mind his business. He wasn't quite brave enough to point out that this actually was his business. NB: before anybody gets on my back about using 'Gypsy' instead of Roma, Gypsy is the name they have used for themselves for centuries. Roma is a blanket term imposed on them by others. They refuse to call themselves Roma because the Roma people are a completely unrelated group.

    Tucker Cahooter
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hopefully the fight over the watch wasn't one the deceased was wearing

    Andi
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    'delovering' ... have you just invented a new word by accident ? Coz i'm having it!

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    #55

    A kid I knew as a teen died in a motorcycle accident. He had a gf and child. His mother took a moment to state that people didn’t think the kid and his gf were supposed to be together but they loved each other. Then proceeded to play Don’t Matter by Akon in its entirety.

    boosterkeaton Report

    WindySwede
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had to Google "Nobody wanna see us together but it don't matter no (Cause I got you babe)" part of the lyrics.