30 People Divulge The Most Spot-On ‘You’ll Understand When You’re Older’ Lessons They Were Told
It’s one thing to be intelligent. It’s a whole different can of worms to possess wisdom. And all those times when someone was telling you “you’ll understand when you’re older”—those were moments when they were exercising the latter.
And once folks grew up and understood that all the grown-ups were right—they did understand once they got older—they took to Reddit to share their wisdom and experience in a dedicated thread about the single most “you’ll understand it when you’re older” thing.
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It’s better to be alone than in bad company.
That sitting outside in a nice weather just doing absolutely nothing is a gift, and that you can really think of nothing.
Not everybody is going to like you, even if you're a good person.
In many circumstances people won't like you because you're a good person
The online thread in question was one from r/AskReddit, the second biggest subreddit on the platform. Reddit user NetworkOver7742 approached the community with the question what is the single most “you’ll understand it when you’re older” thing?. The thread quickly gathered a crowd, netting it 9,000 upvotes and 5,300 comments.
That turning 18 doesn't make you an adult. Neither does graduating, getting your first place, getting married, or having a baby. It's kind of a gradual thing, and then one day you're excited because your favorite variety of potatoes are on sale, and you go "Oh, this is adulthood."
I'm 48, married, 3 kids, all is fine.... But I still don't feel I'm a "proper" adult, whatever that means. Everyone else seems more "adult" than me.
Sex won’t make them love you and a baby won’t make them stay.
Having a child to "save" a relationship is one of the most selfish things anybody can do, more often than not that child will experience some sort of trauma as a result. My parent split when I was 3 years old, my mother got custody and used me as a weapon against my dad and it has caused so many issues for me as an adult, things like forming healthy long term relationships (not just romantic but with family and friends) and allowing people to take advantage of me, financially and emotionally because I'm driven to please other people
How fast time actually passes.
A year feels like an eternity as a kid. As an adult. i'm pretty sure I just blinked and missed my time since I left university
So true. One possible explanation that I've heard is that each year becomes relatively shorter compared to your ever-increasing total lifetime, which creates this sensation of time going by faster and faster... whereas one school year + 1 summer truly felt like a very long time in childhood.
So, why is age such a big factor in understanding the world?
The short answer is: more time means more experience, and more experience means more smarts (hopefully).
It goes without saying that kids too can be smart, but the amount of things they have experienced throughout their short lives do not stand against the sheer volume of time grownups have spent living on this planet.
"Annoying" or "boring" things like listening to older people tell stories or eating dinner with your family become precious memories when they're gone. When we're younger we take so many people in our lives for granted. You never know how much time you're going to get. Be grateful for "boring".
Sleep is a gift, not a punishment.
Ain’t that the truth brother ! And there are no music (looking at you MTV & VH-1) videos to chill out to at 3am except YouTube.
But there is more to it than just time.
You see, the brain also needs to develop in order to be able to take in and properly process certain information. Studies suggest that older adults have larger vocabularies and greater knowledge of the depth of the meaning in these vocabularies than younger adults caused by changes in cognition in the brain.
From Time by Pink Floyd
And then one day you find
Ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run
You missed the starting gun
And you run, and you run to catch up with the sun
But it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way
But you're older
Shorter of breath, and one day closer to death
Every year is getting shorter
Never seem to find the time
I heard this in the 80”s and never thought anything of it. After cancer and a heart attack it hits hard
Treasure the little things. Love where you can
How awesome staying home can be if your home is comfortable and safe.
YES ! Just a good book, a comfy lap blanket, a cat on your lap in a big poofy chair next to a window on a rainy day beats all the partying on a Saturday night any day.
How dumb you actually are as a teenager and well into your twenties.
We all thought we knew better, didn't we? Some of us still do, but most of us have matured enough to realize that aside from maybe one or two topics, we know exactly two things: "Jack" and "S**t", and Jack left town.
Part of the joy of being young is being a bit clueless, doing a few crazy things, and the optimism that you are gonna change the world. And of course you know a lot less than people older than you. But I wouldn’t wish wisdom and sensibility on anyone under 25, there’s time for that later!
And it doesn’t stop there as the older you get, the more your brain changes—certain parts of the brain shrink, the neurons in some parts become less effective, blood flow may decrease, and inflammation can become more frequent. Unfortunately, all of these aren’t all that good of a change, but that doesn’t stop folks from learning new things, nor does it diminish their aptitude for it.
How much of a waste of time and mental energy it is to be very concerned with your looks. Especially as a woman. There's a reason most makeup/fashion etc social media gals are in their 20s ... older women have stopped giving a s**t. Doesn't mean we've given up on our appearance, we've just realized we are naturally hot anyway and devoted our attention to other things that enrich our lives.
How your body really does decline even if you do everything right (work out, maintain a good weight, good sleep, food, etc). When you're young you can't imagine not having the strength or energy to do anything you want. Then you get much older and your body can just give out on you.
Aging is not for the weak or faint of heart. I’m 52 and I dread every morning wondering if I am gonna sleep wrong causing a new ache and pain that will totally ruin whatever I had planned for the day.
Sometimes, you don't get closure, either as the victim of wrongdoing, or what I'm really talking about, as the perpetrator.
Let's say you did someone badly, and you've really, honestly had a change of heart and mind, and you want to make amends.
If they don't want to hear from you, and don't want to forgive you, you're out of luck. I know you want to put it to rest. But you don't get to force your "sorry" on someone who may still be traumatized by your prior actions. They don't owe you that opportunity for atonement. And insisting on them forgiving you, or even talking to you, is forcing them to relive the trauma from the first time, and re-traumatizing them.
It doesn't matter that your intentions are pure. They have a right to be left alone.
If this happens to you, as the perpetrator, the only step left to you is to live with your guilt. How you go about that is up to you, as long as you continue a life of not hurting others. Get comfortable with that guilt, because no one owes you closure.
Absolutly this. My ex was abusive to the extent that the law was involved, after his bail conditions expired he began writing to me, I opened and read the first letter because I didnt recognise the writing, there was no apology just how he's working on himself. I managed to save enough to move about 6 months after his arrest and have been contacted recently by my old landlord that the new tenant was still receiving post for me and it can only be more letter from him as I informed all the utilities/bank/credit cards/insurance etc when I moved. Its been almost 2 years and I owe him nothing
Another study suggests that kids see words and faces differently from adults. TL;DR: the center of the brain that processes these is in a slightly different place and the different sides of the brain process information at a different pace. Again, another indicator that the brain needs to develop in order to reach a certain milestone of understanding.
"We got food at home."
We sure as hell do and it cost me 10x less than any fast food place my kids point out every day.
How limited your own perspective is. It's something you can really only learn with age, no amount of explaining will help a kid understand how biased they are towards their own lived experience.
Yet another study showed that kids have trouble understanding what people say sometimes for a number of reasons. This might be caused by trouble with focus, working memory or processing sounds and words in general. However, since the brain works on a practice makes perfect basis, working on it might likely help develop the skills needed. Again, it’s all about putting time and effort into it.
Comfort trumps all. Good warm socks and very comfortable shoes. Brands be damned.
Those old guys wearing socks and sandals aren’t so dumb after all now are they ? lol
Karma is a myth. Plenty of s****y people out here living their best life. So when people hurt you, dust yourself up and move on. Don’t wait on the “universe” to avenge you, it will not.
Well, actually, karma is not a myth. Americans think karma is punishment, revenge, vengeance, evening the score — it’s none of those things. Karma is the path you choose to follow. “Karma is conscious action. Karma is not fate, but, in fact, it’s opposite: karma is choice.” — Sy Montgomery, “The Soul of an Octopus”
It’s not to say kids don’t understand anything. On the contrary, they excel in other ways. Because kids are extremely curious and their attention is all over the place, they often notice things adults don’t. Even if they are asked to focus on a particular aspect of a picture, they will likely notice changes where they weren’t asked to focus, while adults often fail at that.
Pop music, slang, and other teen culture.
Teens always think they invented culture and their opinions are objective truth. Older people see those fads come and go every year and know they are just passing fads.
I still think I’m cool. Until a nurse at the hospital had never heard of Kurt Cobain or Nirvana. What ???? But I have shoes older than her and she wasn’t even around in the 90’s. So much for me being cool. Sigh 😞
You really do stop caring about other people’s opinions. That self doubt you have in your 20’s where you’re always concerned about how you appear to others- it absolutely diminishes or goes away completely in your mid to late 30’s. For most people anyways.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve cared less and less about clothing trends, people pleasing, and sacrificing my own well being for the happiness or pleasure of others. I see TikTok’s from younger generations that talk about how millennials can change their style to look less old or dated. And I just can’t fathom who actually needs that information except younger folks who wanna dogpile on an older generation.
I can say with the utmost confidence, the vast majority of people have so much more to worry and care about than what a 20 year old thinks of the rise on their pants. You realize that the majority of people aren’t actually thinking about you at all, let alone what you’re wearing or how you look.
ETA- I’m not saying that no one should ever care about anyone else’s opinion ever. Some level of awareness is important. However, so many people spend so much time trying to become something or someone else in order to fit in. People spend so much money and time trying to be *that girl or guy*. Women especially have so much pressure to fit certain standards under the guise that everyone is watching and judging them. When you get older, you realize that the vast majority of that pressure was most likely a lie to either sell you something or to make you feel bad so others can feel better about themselves.
Corporate marketing is a scam to take your money. Ain’t no magic eye cream gonna make you look 20 when you’re 50. Take care of yourself but be realistic too with the expectations
At that point, their brain is in a different mode—one that allows them to soak in more from their environment with that kind of unfocused focusing. Of course, they do need to learn to focus as it is a skill that will benefit them in later life, but you can see how perspective changes over time.
I would say that the world is not black and white. What seems to clear and straightforward becomes murkier and harder to cleanly divide as you get older.
It's not (just) dementia: as you get older, you realize more and more what causes people to act the way they do and the roles of victim and perpetrator become harder to distinguish. The key concept is that victims become perpetrators.
1. Avril Lavigne was right. It has all been done before. So chill out.
2. This, too, shall pass. No, really.
3. How awesome it is to be a mostly average human being living an average life of whom only mediocrity is expected. For one thing, you're never alone with whatever it is.
4. If you're young you take for granted so many things. Your time. Your health. Your natural beauty. The friendships you so easily make. Only by getting older and seeing those things get jeopardised or taken away, can you learn to understand the power of these things.
Ultimately, these changes lead to new and more complex understandings of the world and the things in it. And throw some creativity into the mix—you might end up with more than just an understanding, but actually with a better way of dealing with issues in general.
The phrase 'youth is wasted on the young' I would always get so offended hearing that when I was a child, usually spoken to me after I had done some ridiculous feat that took so much energy to do absolutely nothing at all. I know what they meant now. And I'm only in mid 30s. The adults that would tell me this were 50 and up and looking at me so wistfully. I understand.
Time is waisted at any age. Period. Even on your late years. Carpe diem.
Naptime
So, what are your thoughts on any of this? What are some pearls of wisdom that you understood later on in life? Share your experiences in the comment section below.
And don’t forget to check out the Reddit thread for more wise understandings.
Making peace with our own mortality.
When you're young, the idea of someday dying is scary, but as you age, and as the people you love sadly die, I think the fact you're going to one day die too becomes easier to accept. Growing up, I heard plenty of older people say they wouldn't want to live forever. That's now something I understand completely, and I wouldn't want it either.
Wanting something does not mean you deserve it, and deserving something does not mean you'll get it.
I *hated* hearing "life's not fair" as a kid, but goddamn it was right.
And realizing that the rich greedy psychopaths that own most of the world's wealth will never share it.
Younger people here are convinced that life and government owe them two to three cheap holidays by plane every year. Kids, when I was your age, one flight every five years was a magnificient treat, and the tickets did cost a fortune. And I still see it as something special, and am thankful that it is easier to afford today. But I don't think life or anybody owes me.
I have always told my kids, treat people fairly. But, life is not fair, so don't expect it back.
Went to The Netherlands in the 1970’s with my (Dutch) mother. I asked her why she hadn’t visited family since she was 13, 48 years earlier. “Well, son - Life gets in the way”. I thought she was crazy.
About five years ago I realized that I hadn’t been back to visit since 1974 - 45 years ago (now 50!). Girls, marriage, houses, kid 1, kid 2, soccer, university, kids weddings. Yup. Life DOES get in the way!
I have become increasingly unforgiving of some of my parents' choices.
My dad was very selective on who he let me hang out with
Now that I'm a father, I totally understand
yeah. people influence your personality and morals more than u think
Aging. What it’s actually like getting older. Not being a smart a*s here. I thought I understood but I keep being floored by how much not being young anymore can suck. And in ways I never imagined.
Many of us moved away from our parents at a young age so we rarely visited them to see all the changes they went through as they aged. Plus when we did call them, they did not want to bores me with their aches and pains.
King Triton, Ariel’s dad was right. She was just a child and she was not “in love” with the random prince she saw for all of 30 seconds.
There really is no such thing as “love at first sight” kids. Love means a relationship which takes time, effort, trust, valuing another person, respect and a multitude of other things. You don’t gain this overnight or instantly. Love takes work…on both parties. Sorry kids. He may be a hottie but what do you really know about the guy ? And don’t dump his a$$ because he left the toilet seat up. Pick and choose your battles girls.
How expensive it is just to exist
Importance of grabbing opportunity at the right moment
Unfortunately, you rarely know till later whether it was "the right moment" for a particular "opportunity." Lots you can wonder and worry about in retrospect. Don't waste your life worrying about a missed opportunity. There will be more.
Relationships with older men when you’re a teenage girl aren’t appropriate. In fact, the guy is a creep/predator. You’ll understand it when you’re older.
I always understood this. how is it not common knowledge? are there truly terrible parents out there? oh right.
Everyone feels at some point in their life like no one else understands them. This is perfectly normal. Almost everyone older than you understands this about you. But you won't believe them, because you feel as if no one could possibly have lived the unique life experiences you've lived. Again, perfectly normal. So the older people will tell you "it's just a phase," *because it is,* and "you'll grow out of it," *because you will*, but you won't believe them, because *that's the phase of life you're in*.
I'm of the opinion that this is the dumbest part of growing up.
I hated being told 'its just a phase ' with a passion. I still think it's pretty insufferable.
"Resting my eyes." Growing up, my dad would say that, and I was convinced he was just using it as an excuse to take a nap on the couch. Having gotten older and staring at screens all the time, holy moly, does it feel good to just sit or lay on the couch and close your eyes to give them a break.
How frustrating it is to cook for someone and have them turn their nose up at it or constantly complain.
how valuable your own time is. i remember working OT and not getting paid for it, just in hopes I would get promoted. I didn't.
I remember missing important school functions because I had to work in hopes that I would get the full $1 raise at my review. I didn't.
I remember working through my lunch. They didn't notice or care.
Now, I am careful with my time. It's worth so much more than you are giving me for it and I absolutely refuse to allow any sort of stress or negativity into my life because the numbers aren't good. That ain't my problem. It sounds callous but at the end my kids and my spouse will be there to hold my hand as I cross, not the CEO of the company I am working for, not HR. So, take your lunch. And do not work a split second past the time you are supposed to.
At 52, my health suffered tremendously and I became disabled. Lost my job after 60 hours a week with the carrot dangling over me. Now my time is mine. I’m poorer but happier. Money never fell out of a casket. Read that book. Write your memoirs for your family. Join a group. Find your passions and cultivate them. Work is not who you are, it’s what you do. Even if you suck at something, do what makes you happy.😊
How little people actually care about you. We spend so many of our teen years worrying so much about what others think when in reality people actually don’t care how much you weigh, what you wear, etc.
Everything has consequences. Even if you don't see/feel them right away. Eventually things catch up to you, the good and the bad. At the end of the day you gonna have to face the person you chose to be and how you chose to act/ react.
It's not about regret, but realizing that what you do/don't do/say/don't say - it matters. We all leave a trace in a world.
There are still rich entitled people in the world who get away with crimes and never get punished.
Drinking. Bad idea. You’ll understand later on.
Modern medicine knows now that zero consumption of alcohol is the only healthy path. It is after all a neurological poison to humans.
Making random trivial mistakes like buying the wrong kind of item at the grocery store (such as the wrong brand or regular vs low-fat) because you weren’t looking close enough. Used to annoy me so much when my mom did this. Now that I’m over 40, I totally get it. You have so much on your mind at a given time that small details are easier to miss, and our sharpness for these things slowly erodes with age.
The reason it bugs kids so much is because it’s another reminder that kids don’t have any control over most of what happens in their lives. You don’t have to self flagellate, but you can’t expect a child to have more compassion for you than you have for them.
Money problems
When people say that you stop feeling invincible.
I always interpreted it as taking actions even I at a young age knew were misguided. Like bull riding or something.
What they really mean is your appetite for risk changes to a point that your decision making becomes much more thoughtful and/or pragmatic.
I was always the fearful kid who did not take risks. At age 69 I have seen many of the people I knew as a kid already pass even before they were 50. Not doing dumb risky things does actually contribute to living longer than others.
Pacing yourself and quality rest. I burned myself out so much in my younger years that I'd regularly get sick.
These days, I may be doing less in a day, but I'm enjoying each day more.
Get enough sleep! Nothing cool about staying up so late, being tired the next day, and never catching up.
Nothing f*****g matters - in a enlightened sense, not a depressed/hopeless sense.
There's a peace that comes with age, where you just stop caring about the b******t and just do what you want to do, with little peer pressure. You don't care if you reach a Life Milestone on time, you don't really care what people do with their lives, or about material goods beyond what's comfortable. You don't care as much about gossip or trends or fashion. You still CARE about the big issues, but all that other s**t that overwhelms your teens, 20s, and even your 30s? Gone. You just sort of do what you want, go with the flow, and stop worrying about stuff that doesn't matter.
But you don't realize what the b******t is until you let go of it, because at the time, it seems important and it feels okay.
Then as your memory fades, you can't even remember why something used to create so much anxiety in you.
Eating healthily. As a kid I was always so angry that my mom didn’t let me have white bread or soda or lunchables or anything. As an adult now, I am so glad I was accustomed to the taste of whole wheat bread and just water and making my own sandwiches because it’s a lot less difficult for me to keep up with eating more healthily without having to make changes in habits like many of my friends do.
balance too! eat healthy mostly, but its also healthy to eat a little candy sometimes(emphasizing sometimes) too!
It matters more that you (and your loved ones) regard yourself highly than it does what some strange person on the street or even acquaintances think of you.
The one thing that noticeably struck me was parental attachment, and how the media plays on those heartstrings. I recall plenty of news stories about abused and/or abducted children when I was a child myself, and being fairly indifferent to the parade of suffering. Once I had a child myself, even without being especially paranoid about *their* safety, I definitely felt pangs of concern at every headline.
Apathy to the world.
I am 36 years old, I've heard the world was going to end at least a dozen times. Y2k, Bush getting elected, 9/11, the Iraq War, Obama getting elected, Net Neutrality, Trump getting elected, The Ukranie war, North Korea a bunch of times.
Despite watching a large portion of the population freak out over and over, life, the world, and the economy, have been mostly unchanged in the last 25 years.
this is a ridiculous and foolish statement. it has not remotely stayed unchanged for the past 25 years. op must be a trust fund kid or just live off his wife/husband because so much has changed and not for the better. The world is truly the closest its been to a true world war since WW2. Putin wants to take alaska back for pete's sake(he wont and cant). he is already preparing to attack poland and moldova. North Korea is emboldened with Russia's aggression and wants to attack the south again. The only reason OP thinks much hasnt changed is that they must be ignorant.
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Make it a policy to ignore all advertising, and any vehicles that are majority advertising, like glossy magazines. It's literally about creating envy and designed to make you dissatisfied with your life. Not good for contentment.
Make it a policy to understand what advertising actually is. The weekly ads that tell you what's on sale at the grocery store? Advertising. The poster at the library announcing the activities for the week? Advertising. The post on FB from your kid's school talking about the open house Thursday night? Advertising. I have learned about cooking classes and new stores and activities to do with my kid from advertisements. I depend on advertisements. No, I'm not gonna go buy a car just because I saw it on TV, but to say all advertising is bad is to completely fail to recognize it.
Load More Replies...
The poor tax. When you are poor, you can't afford a car so you take the bus. But you can't save up money to buy a car because you're taking the bus everywhere. And when you can buy a car, it's not a good one, because you can't get a good loan because you don't make enough. And now you have a c**p car, so you have to pay repairs that you wouldn't if you got a better car, maybe that was still under warranty.
There are a lot of taxes on being poor, like over-withdrawal charges, wasted rent, etc. But as someone who drives old cars, I guarantee you that driving an old car is way cheaper than buying a new car under warrantee, despite government policies which reduce the inventory of old cars. The most poor-hating legislation ever was "cash for clunkers": rich people get paid extra for spending wastefully on polluting vehicles, but poor people have to pay more money because we took millions of older vehicles off the road, all while we ignore the fact that building a new car pollutes SO much more than the reduced efficiency that comes with a car aging.
Load More Replies... Here's another one: the more money you spend, the more carbon you generate. Seriously. Some expensive things actually last longer so save money in the long run, and these are the truly "green" purchases. And sometimes the carbon generated is from paying someone else to generate carbon, but obviously creating jobs is sometimes a good thing. But the only real time there isn't an iron-tight negative correlation between spending money and being green is when you pay for cheap, overseas labor in nations that pollute. We should all live more like St. Francis of Assissi and less like New York hipster greens.
We've survived a thousand then-world-is-going-to-end scenarios. The only one that came true came from a US-funded Chinese military lab. Some bad things were avoided because we collectively responded DESPITE the hysteria, not because of it (ending acid rain, reducing littering, halting the growth of the ozone hole, etc.). If you want us to take action, discuss reasonable scenarios ("how well do you sleep when it's 80 degrees on a super muggy night?") not absurd B.S. (Every ounce of sea ice in the entire world could melt without raising the ocean levels one inch... and most of the land ice in Antarctica would need to be warmed by 100 degrees F to melt.) Every bit of bad science, hysteria, and silly blaming rare-but-ordinary events on the start of the apocalypse hurts your credibility instead of motivating us.
Make it a policy to ignore all advertising, and any vehicles that are majority advertising, like glossy magazines. It's literally about creating envy and designed to make you dissatisfied with your life. Not good for contentment.
Make it a policy to understand what advertising actually is. The weekly ads that tell you what's on sale at the grocery store? Advertising. The poster at the library announcing the activities for the week? Advertising. The post on FB from your kid's school talking about the open house Thursday night? Advertising. I have learned about cooking classes and new stores and activities to do with my kid from advertisements. I depend on advertisements. No, I'm not gonna go buy a car just because I saw it on TV, but to say all advertising is bad is to completely fail to recognize it.
Load More Replies... The poor tax. When you are poor, you can't afford a car so you take the bus. But you can't save up money to buy a car because you're taking the bus everywhere. And when you can buy a car, it's not a good one, because you can't get a good loan because you don't make enough. And now you have a c**p car, so you have to pay repairs that you wouldn't if you got a better car, maybe that was still under warranty.
There are a lot of taxes on being poor, like over-withdrawal charges, wasted rent, etc. But as someone who drives old cars, I guarantee you that driving an old car is way cheaper than buying a new car under warrantee, despite government policies which reduce the inventory of old cars. The most poor-hating legislation ever was "cash for clunkers": rich people get paid extra for spending wastefully on polluting vehicles, but poor people have to pay more money because we took millions of older vehicles off the road, all while we ignore the fact that building a new car pollutes SO much more than the reduced efficiency that comes with a car aging.
Load More Replies... Here's another one: the more money you spend, the more carbon you generate. Seriously. Some expensive things actually last longer so save money in the long run, and these are the truly "green" purchases. And sometimes the carbon generated is from paying someone else to generate carbon, but obviously creating jobs is sometimes a good thing. But the only real time there isn't an iron-tight negative correlation between spending money and being green is when you pay for cheap, overseas labor in nations that pollute. We should all live more like St. Francis of Assissi and less like New York hipster greens.
We've survived a thousand then-world-is-going-to-end scenarios. The only one that came true came from a US-funded Chinese military lab. Some bad things were avoided because we collectively responded DESPITE the hysteria, not because of it (ending acid rain, reducing littering, halting the growth of the ozone hole, etc.). If you want us to take action, discuss reasonable scenarios ("how well do you sleep when it's 80 degrees on a super muggy night?") not absurd B.S. (Every ounce of sea ice in the entire world could melt without raising the ocean levels one inch... and most of the land ice in Antarctica would need to be warmed by 100 degrees F to melt.) Every bit of bad science, hysteria, and silly blaming rare-but-ordinary events on the start of the apocalypse hurts your credibility instead of motivating us.
