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'Ugly Renaissance Babies' Tumblr Account Hilariously Mocks Anatomically Inacurate Babies In Old Paintings
The Renaissance is often perceived as the period of the noblest traditions, but some artists from that time had repeatedly been doing something that looks somewhat sinister nowadays - they painted our beloved beautiful babies like mini versions of old men. Tumblr account 'Ugly Renaissance Babies' is doing exactly what its name suggests - collecting the ugliest baby artworks from the said era, hilariously proving that some painters probably had never laid their eyes on a cute, fat baby. On the other hand, this weird Renaissance art depiction of baby Jesus might stem from the belief that he was born formed like an adult and didn't change much growing. Following this, all the other ugly babies were painted in the same manner.
From rock-hard abs to getting stoned like a gravel road, these Benjamin Button fellas seem to be hitting puberty a lot faster than we did. Scroll down to poke some fun at the Renaissance paintings, er, I mean, learn some art history and vote for your favorite funny babies!
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#1
Mark Fuller 8 years ago
Is it a baby? Is it a sausage roll? Who knows. Either way, it's far too scary to risk giving it your tit!
Molly Block 8 years ago
Why is she aiming that flesh colored grenade at the little man who is wrapped up in a striped sausage casing? He looks like he's ready to torpedo the hell outta there!! And why is her right knee so swollen? This is so strange....
Bunnies are better!! 8 years ago
Didn't saint nick become santa claus? I guess this explains how that fat old man can squeeze into millions of chimneys in one night...
Nadine Ducca 8 years ago
OMG I didn't realize at first that thing she's holding is supposed to be her breast. It looked like cuccoon baby was about to get a dose of spot-on dewormer.
Gayle Bynum Cardosa 8 years ago
It looks like she's blowing a smoke ring out of her boob
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#2
Rainbow Unicorn 7 years ago
"He gets it from his father, no one on my side of the family is like this."
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Sardonic Scribe 8 years ago
He look like a troll doll minus the hair, and Mary looks like she has some male pattern baldness happening...
Caturday Forgot Her Log-In 3.0 8 years ago
Just realized that what you wrote is the best description of me this week.
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scrappyrat 8 years ago
Forget the people, I'm creeped out by the lamp (?) that appears to be crawling off of the shelf. I think it's trying to escape this painting.
#3
Fluffy Destroyer 8 years ago
Nope. It is just a 'middle aged'(see what i did there) man who is stunted in his growth.
#4
frederic eeckman 8 years ago
That's what happen when you are pregnant for 5 years regarding the size of that baby !
Nadine Ducca 8 years ago
I love how intense Princess Leia is over there washing... preparing a bath...? Lookit her eyes!
alwright 8 years ago
She's probably just terrified by the sight of the demon spawn coming out of her belly like that... I would be XD
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Kimberly Castleberry 8 years ago
Maybe she's born with it... Maybe it's Maybelline
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Micki Van Patten 8 years ago
And I am a nurse. I confirm that washing ones hands is just as important as holding the patient down
#5
Bunnies are better!! 8 years ago
I think this is pretty accurate, its almost any child throughout history when family photos/ paintings are being done
#6
Cyndi H 8 years ago
Wait... Is that a magnifying glass she's holding to his baby junk? I am deeply confused.
Godspeed 8 years ago
No, its actually a wine glass to collect his golden nectar.
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Sierra Hall 8 years ago
I'm all confused about the fact that the baby looks like a body builder. He could bench press his mother.
Katinka Min 8 years ago
I often think that modern times are way more complicated than life hundreds of years ago. Then I see stuff like this and think 'Err...maybe not'
#7
Nadine Ducca 8 years ago
Oh my... The woman's face isn't half bad, but what the hell happened with that thing on her shoulder?
Carol Blackburn 8 years ago
Gotta wonder who the models for these things were????? Just sayin'...... Need to see real pictures....of wait, they painted because there were no cameras yet. Duh!
#8
frederic eeckman 8 years ago
It's the baby Harvey Weinstein had with Matt Lucas
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Joanne Hudson 8 years ago
How can all these Jewish boys not be circumcised? It looks like no one has any idea what birth looks like.
Sardonic Scribe 8 years ago
Looks like baby Danny Devito puttin' the moves on the ladies whilst holding thew holy hand grenade of Antioch.
#9
#10
Kate Yeti 8 years ago
Hey, any parent of a little boy will tell you - it happens. Sometimes there just isn't any other option! ;)
Bobbi Newell 8 years ago
Even if it's on the front lawn, with neighbors around! LOL
Load More Replies... Sierra Hall 8 years ago
When ya gotta go, ya gotta go! My little girl peed on a tree during a family reunion when she was 3. Then she was told she couldn't get in the bouncy house with a wet bathing suit on... so she got naked. Kids....
DopethronePunkUK 8 years ago
Thats a fine of £80 young man, and here is a mop and bucket to clean it up thanks very much.
#11
Tenley Nelson 8 years ago
I hope no one paid for this picture cause I'd sure as hell demand my money back!
#12
Panic!AtTheYeemo 8 years ago
*record scratch, freeze frame* yup that's me. you're probably wondering how I got in this situation.
Master Markus 8 years ago
I don't think Ganymede was supposed to be that young... or that ugly.
Hikari 8 years ago
Zeus abducted Ganymede because of Ganymede's "great beauty"... I don't think Rembrandt quite got that part
#13
Rainbow Unicorn 7 years ago
She's so embarrassed for Mary "Damn, had a baby with God and it's uglier than sin..."
Load More Replies... Neeraj Jha 8 years ago
That bull is so HIGH... that it's in the sky..... doing a fly... ok, now. Bye.
Barry Nolan 8 years ago
"Ok, cow, you're gonna painting-bomb this sketch. Don't worry, it'll only take a few minutes." Three weeks late the cow is like FFS!!
#14
d r e a m w o r l d 8 years ago
*derp intensifies* no choild. stahp. yuo doing meh a concern. no heckin bamboozle.
Rainbow Unicorn 7 years ago
Well, now we know what Balderdash Cumbersome looked like as a baby.
Alfie Alfie 8 years ago
Joseph: "But the first two kids are so beautiful!" Mary: "Those aren't yours!"
#15
Bunnies are better!! 8 years ago
My oh My! at first I thought they were just painting his nails which is strange because that would mean that he has three feet. I need more sleep..
J. Pell 8 years ago
That's one of the requirements for Jewish men. The ceremony is called a Bris.
Load More Replies... Tenley Nelson 8 years ago
It's bad enough you're trimming my d**k, you don't need to crush my head too!
Mylah Rose 8 years ago
I'm way more disturbed by the way they seem to have crushed his skull totally flat - way more than the fact that it's a painting of a circumcision....
Gayle Bynum Cardosa 8 years ago
The mohel looks like he's about to doze off and the baby looks like he's doing a stand up routine.
Pamula Furness 8 years ago
Ah, a perfect baby, a blessing from God, made in his image....................., oh wait, God got this part wrong, we must cut it off!
Sardonic Scribe 8 years ago
All those commenting that Jesus was Jewish - yeah, if he existed, he sure was. Fact is - this aint Jesus. The clothing worn by the rabbi, mother & father should tell you that.
Priscilla Winslow 8 years ago
FYI: Rabbis do not perform circumcisions. That ain't no rabbi anyway.
Load More Replies... Priscilla Winslow 8 years ago
That's just such a magnificent cup waiting to catch the foreskin. Probably 14 Karat.
Priscilla Winslow 8 years ago
Another POI... Jews were not the only people who were circumcised.
#16
Sardonic Scribe 8 years ago
This is a depiction of Cronus eating his sons - to gain their power and prevent them from overthrowing his reign (which Zeus inevitably did).
Brianna Finnegan 8 years ago
I’m just really curious who’s in control of this situation. Is that baby jamming his fist into that dude’s mouth? Or is that man eating a baby, hand first?
#17
#18
Keith Garland 8 years ago
"My lord, it's just an eye. The gods saw fit to grace me with a spare. And may I say King Leonidas, you legs are so smooth."
Rainbow Unicorn 7 years ago
Electrolysis is the most important thing to come out of Sparta.
Load More Replies... Alfie Alfie 8 years ago
...enjoying every grope too! Training to be Donald Trump! 😂😂😂
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#19
Gayle Bynum Cardosa 8 years ago
Little Harvey has some mighty feminine hands as well. Bitty indeed! Love it Jakki. Good call.
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#20
Nadine Ducca 8 years ago
Looks like a little merman... or those paper thingies people put on turkey legs. Just looked it up: turkey booties or turkey frills. Okay.
rai mei 8 years ago
with a plate. on the head. ready to be served but the baby shrimp is fighting its destiny.
Load More Replies... Erin Hunter 8 years ago
"Dear Lord, bless me, for I have sinned. And spawned a small cross between an angry man and a Cornish game hen .."
Jessica Bertram 8 years ago
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Turn a man into a fish....
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Magpie 8 years ago
It is weird how the delicate cloth on her head looks so correct / convincing. But it is like they didn't ever look at a real baby/
#21
Juan Castellucci 8 years ago
Well, dont laugh so hard. people posting on social media look the same or worse than these demonic babies if not for the Photoshop . Yes, you too
Fluffy Destroyer 8 years ago
I feel the same way. You are very brave for risking the hate.
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#22
Barry Nolan 8 years ago
The baby is like "I can't look at her hand...I MUSTN'T LOOK AT HER HAND!"
Joannie Goulet 8 years ago
Who painted this and thought "This is perfect. No corrections needed."
#23
Shinomi Chan 8 years ago
I'm not sure if the man is looking at the baby or the boob, and I have no idea which would be more disturbing in this case.
Nadine Ducca 8 years ago
Hahaha! I was scrolling down looking at the way the veil was painted and thinking "that's not half bad" and then BOOM bowling ball boob.
#24
Karolína T. 8 years ago
At medicine faculty, our professor told us about unintended depicting of different diseases on rennaisance and baroq paintworks. This is Klippel-Feil syndrome.
Ian Osmond 8 years ago
Sure, but as far as I know, Klippel-Feil doesn't give you tacky necklaces.
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#25
#26
Josh Ritter 8 years ago
And here we have an artistic portrayal of Justin Timberlake as a three-year-old.
Qwertykeala 8 years ago
I burst out laughing on this he looks like like a tiny very bad man. Lol!
Barry Nolan 8 years ago
The little fella on the right is like "FFS he gets the titty and all I get is to suck the chicken juice off her fingers."
Caturday Forgot Her Log-In 3.0 7 years ago
The baby has a receding hairline and some sharp teeth!
#28
Rainbow_Gal05 7 years ago
Where is the parents?! That scary owl could raise that child as a weird...owl...mix thing XD
Rainbow Unicorn 7 years ago
I don't remember any phase in my life where my neck temporarily disappeared, is that something only dudes go through?
Barry Nolan 8 years ago
The baby and the owl are in the middle of doing the dinosaur "open the door get on the floor, everybody do the dinosaur."
#29
Petra Christovová 8 years ago
This is the first picture where the children look like actual children, not like something from a horror movie.
Wendy Emlinger 8 years ago
Yup, these two actually look like babies and not adult faces scrunched onto babyfaces.
Jennifer Marshall 8 years ago
At first look....the one on the left looks like he’s rocking a goatee
Chocolate Quente e Biscoitos 8 years ago
It's actually beautifully painted, what a surprise ^^
#30
Wanda Queen 8 years ago
Funny lookin' how? Oh, you know, just funny lookin'! ;)
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Sable miner 8 years ago
Amazing how the artist's depiction of baby & mother is so jaded and ugly. Yikes!
#31
#32
Priscilla Winslow 8 years ago
What is that dark object/piece of cloth next to his penis? All the cloth is so distorted.
#33
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
Whao! well Saint Anne being Jesus Grand-Ma, her grip explain all the muscle the baby seems to have: Jesus inherit her super muscular strenght
Kathleen Wills 8 years ago
Mother Mary is pushing Baby to St Anne.”Here, Ma, hold him a bit so I can finish this chapter. St Anne “ There ARE no books; we have scrolls!” Mary,” I don’t care, I want to have a rest from holding him!”
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#34
William Carter 4 years ago
It's worse than you think. This is what they were meant to look like originally. https://historyofyesterday.com/how-angels-really-look-like-according-to-the-bible-d4d339112619
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Kate Swartz 8 years ago
What the fack is actually happening here. The children's faces are disturbing o_O
Gayle Bynum Cardosa 8 years ago
These are two angels at the side of Jesus who has been crucified. See the stigmata? In this painting Christ is dead and the angels St.John the Evangelist and the Virgin are grieving for his suffering and death. This painting was done in 1492 (took art history in design school - money NOT well spent but it was seriously interesting....)
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#35
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
Dolphins: tentacle with head....ok, at least dolphins are not purple tentacle with head
Priscilla Winslow 8 years ago
Exactly what are those figures on the shore doing? Saturnalia? BBQ?
#36
#37
Amanda Poirier 8 years ago
I dunno who or what is holding the baby Jesus. But it's got too many fingers!
Roslyn Altaira 8 years ago
Or is something that hasn't got an opposable thumb :-o
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Destiny Rose 8 years ago
His poor little arms. On the right arm the artist disregarded bone structure and the baby's left arm, from the elbow down, looks like a chicken leg.
Rainbow Unicorn 7 years ago
A lot of people don't know this, but whenever Mary and Joseph wanted some alone time they'd pay their friendly neighbor hood face huggers to baby sit Jesus.
#38
Judy Perry 8 years ago
Why do they all look as if they've been the subject to medical experimentation?
#39
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
Did they ever actually met a baby? This is not a baby, this is a very small adult
Mandy Delaforce (PC Girl) 7 years ago
You obviously don't know how to read sarcasm...
Load More Replies... Kathleen Wills 8 years ago
Mary’s sad. Her baby is a grown-up.”If I ever have another, it’ll be a normal baby.”
#40
Kelley Eidem 8 years ago
Touch me like that again and you'll get the same thing on your left cheek only deeper.
Kathleen Wills 8 years ago
Long,long faces. Saddest pic I’ve seen! We’re they all so miserable?
#41
Barry Nolan 8 years ago
If you grab my peach, I'm taking your whatchamaycallit. Just try it you little fker.
Hubble bubble 8 years ago
How come in all Renaissance paintings the mothers always manage to cover the child's junk?
#42
Bettye McKee 8 years ago
They both look like they're counting the loot from a bank heist.
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Kelley Eidem 8 years ago
Class, for today's "Show and Tell" lesson, little Chad here will show you what the teacher likes.
#43
#44
Barry Nolan 8 years ago
That fella on the left is after doing the muscle slap before jumping off the top rope to elbow slam that fella whose nip nip action is most unwelcome!!
#45
Master Markus 8 years ago
Okay, I looked up the catalogue numbers under the British Library and the image is called "Nature forging a baby" (https://www.bl.uk/catalogues/illuminatedmanuscripts/ILLUMIN.ASP?Size=mid&IllID=31943). So don't worry - it's weird, but it's not about baby murdering.
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Shinomi Chan 8 years ago
Lady now I do not have a kid, but I'm PRETTY SURE you ain't suppose to whack it with a freaking hammer!!
Sid Macheath 7 years ago
Double post but it was still funny the second time around
Load More Replies... Kelley Eidem 8 years ago
This reminds me of my nanny when I was a baby. (broken clavicle and a smashed pars bone at the L-5.)
#46
Joanne Hudson 8 years ago
Don't be silly. That's what boobs looked like back then. Look at the fingers; we've evolved since then.
Load More Replies... d r e a m w o r l d 8 years ago
You've heard of the Elf on the Shelf, now get ready for the Nom on the Mom.
Johan Maebe 8 years ago
Did they really had a clue how titties look like in reality in the Middle Ages????
Adrienne Early 7 years ago
I dunno, babies are pretty brutal on the titties. I had one that liked to pull. (Ouchhhhh)
Load More Replies... Roslyn Altaira 8 years ago
I'm not looking at her deformed boob or index finger at all...nope!
#47
Tony Lagarto 8 years ago
You know you're doomed when you're born with full head of long hair, but immediately start getting a receding hairline.
#48
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
In these representations, they are either naked, either swaddled hyper tightly
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#50
Kathleen Wills 8 years ago
Mary looks kinda sly-like she’s gonnaescape this misery or die trying.
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
Heavy Metal hair from an aging metal head who do not want to cut his hair though he's obviously becoming bald...
JustABobcat 8 years ago
Oh, just think of the comb-over he could achieve with THAT!
Load More Replies... Barry Nolan 8 years ago
Mom, you're this close to getting a deuce on your lap. Lavish attention on ME. Not that thing in the corner of your eye.
#51
Bettye McKee 8 years ago
He sent off for the Charles Atlas bodybuilding kit.
Load More Replies... Tony Lagarto 8 years ago
Those steroids may help you to get ripped, but apparently they really do cause... "shrinkage"
#52
Loula 8 years ago
Anyone else notice the breasts always sit a bit too high up, on the mothers..?
Kathleen Wills 8 years ago
Ah,u I dunno. But NONE of these mother Marys seem at all happy-miserable to a woman.The promise of bearing God’s Son isn’t enough to get you in a good mood? But hey, throughout the pregnancy, maybe Joseph is having second thoughts despite what the angel told him. So the discomfort of pregnancy,sniping from your husband, gossiping of the neighbors and relatives,maybe the mother Mary is entitled to look woebegone.
#53
#54
Barry Nolan 8 years ago
Is that *peers closer* is that Barry Gibb on the right hand side of the top left picture!
#55
#56
Gayle Bynum Cardosa 8 years ago
so they had those Wal-Mart people photos way back then too. Wow, whodathunkit?
#57
Kathleen Wills 8 years ago
This is vaudeville, right? That baby can sing,dance and perform miracles every night!
#58
Priscilla Winslow 8 years ago
Did he just give mom two black eyes? Is he threatening to do it again?
#59
#60
#61
Priscilla Winslow 8 years ago
If baby Jesus were eating communal wafers, wouldn't he be eating himself? I'm so confused.
Gayle Bynum Cardosa 8 years ago
I just said the last baby was a Mama June baby. Scary.
Load More Replies... #62
Nadine Ducca 8 years ago
Baby Jesus is squishing that poor bird (a barn swallow?), and it looks like he's got another one in his mouth.
Aaron Pie 8 years ago
This is like one of those pics you find on your phone after a night out on the booze.
Priscilla Winslow 8 years ago
Apparently very well fed by eating the birds... or have the birds been bringing him food (predigested)?
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What do you think ?
Just a Purpler 8 years ago
The captions disappointed me. Some of the pictures held way more potential.
Roslyn Altaira 8 years ago
Nothing stopping you adding your own to the comments underneath the pics. I await your inspired witticisms...
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Just a Purpler 8 years ago
Wow. We've come along way in the art of painting babies... That's what I took from this.
Anita Cuellar 8 years ago
I think that all those artists painted their own faces on the babies. Haha
KK 8 years ago
I guess some were painted by monks who didn't have a lot of women or babies around.
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Zori the degu 8 years ago
Omg, those would probably give me nightmares. Were the babies so ugly back in those days. I mean, they are babies, you can't expect them to be handsome but never the less...
A Ghost 8 years ago
Well Christ was supposed to have been born looking like an adult and other paintings then copied that man baby style. It's only recently that we thought of babies as cute.
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Just a Purpler 8 years ago
The captions disappointed me. Some of the pictures held way more potential.
Roslyn Altaira 8 years ago
Nothing stopping you adding your own to the comments underneath the pics. I await your inspired witticisms...
Load More Replies... Just a Purpler 8 years ago
Wow. We've come along way in the art of painting babies... That's what I took from this.
Anita Cuellar 8 years ago
I think that all those artists painted their own faces on the babies. Haha
KK 8 years ago
I guess some were painted by monks who didn't have a lot of women or babies around.
Load More Replies... Zori the degu 8 years ago
Omg, those would probably give me nightmares. Were the babies so ugly back in those days. I mean, they are babies, you can't expect them to be handsome but never the less...
A Ghost 8 years ago
Well Christ was supposed to have been born looking like an adult and other paintings then copied that man baby style. It's only recently that we thought of babies as cute.
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