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Whether you only want to have some fun or are holding out for a serious commitment, today's love scene comes with a whole lot of weird baggage that we, for some reason, decided is no big deal. So, Reddit user JustLittleGirl_ thought it was time for a reality check, and kicked off a conversation on the platform, asking, "What’s something people pretend is normal in modern dating, but is actually insanely toxic when you think about it?" The answers poured in, and they're as honest, frustrating, and painfully relatable as they can get.
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#1
So this makes me think of the guy in Bristol who set up his piano in public and vowed to not stop playing until he won back his ex girlfriend. To start people were like “this is so romantic” but it’s actually really toxic and gross. You got dumped. They don’t want you back. Don’t make a public spectacle to try and bully/shame her into taking you back.
“Displays of love” like that always creep me out.
"Dating in 2025, I feel, is like a paradox," Holly Schiff, Psy.D., tells Bored Panda.
Schiff is a licensed clinical psychologist in Connecticut, New York, and Rhode Island, as well as a registered telehealth psychologist in Florida, and says, "We have more access to potential partners than ever before, but many people still feel lonelier or more overwhelmed by the process."
"Ghosting, commitment issues, and a fear of vulnerability are common, but I think there is also a real desire for authenticity and emotional safety. The dating landscape in 2025 is high-tech, fast-paced, and emotionally complex," she adds.
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#2
Expecting someone to drop their opposite-s*x friendships. I know there are people that believe men and women can’t be just friends, but in my opinion we can especially when there are healthy boundaries and everyone is mature and respectful. Like yes, let me just immediately drop this person I’ve been friends with for years because you’re insecure?
StrangeOne 6 months ago
I totally agree. Some people just get along better with the opposite s*x. Doesn't mean someone likes them in a romantic way.
All in all, people seem to be content with it. Results of the Forbes Health/OnePoll survey, which surveyed 5,000 Americans who have actively dated in the last five years, show that nearly 60% feel either very or somewhat positive about dating. 23% feel indifferent to dating, and just over 13% report negative feelings toward it. Additionally, men appear to be more optimistic (68%) than women (55%).
If we were to take a closer look at what people are paying attention to, a poll by Change Research of adults between 18 and 34 would reveal that women's biggest red flag when looking for a relationship is a date revealing they're a MAGA Republican, with 76% of them saying it's a turnoff.
The second biggest red flag for women is folks who "have no hobbies" (66%), and the third is those who say, "All Lives Matter" (60%).
When it comes to men in the same age group, the biggest turn-off is people who identify as "communist" (64%), but they also have problems with those who have no hobbies (60%), as well as MAGA Republicans (59%).
Other turnoffs for men include being interested in astrology (41%) and saying, "All Lives Matter” (41%).
#4
Recording your partner for pranks or "relationship tests" for social media.
#5
I might get hate for this but demanding your partners location/and or making it mandatory to share locations. I understand for safety purposes but for me it feels rooted in ownership, insecurity and mistrust.
Lukas (he/him, it/its) 6 months ago
Yep! My partner and I have each other's locations by trust, not by demand. I like being able to see when they get to work/get home and knowing they're safe!
#6
Public marriage proposals.
Multa Nocte 6 months ago
Especially those that take away from other people's important occasions, like weddings and baby showers.
On the other hand, both men and women overwhelmingly agreed that they are very interested in potential partners who read: 95% of women and 91% of men said reading is a green flag.
They also agreed that they are interested in people who research the best deals and rates before buying things: 88% of women listed being a smart consumer as a green flag, and men were close behind with 85%.
Interestingly, men (63%) and women (51%) also agreed it’s a green flag when someone looks better in person than in their online photos.
#7
Treating jealousy as a love language.
StrangeOne 6 months ago (edited)
These are not "trends". They're s****y, immature behaviour for those not ready for committed relationships. "Jealousy is the crutch for the insecure"
#8
Dudes initiating choking and other violent acts during intimacy without first asking for consent.
#9
Posting publicly your lover's quarrel. Like bruh, you're embarrassing your partner on social media? And posting it next morning like nothing happened??
StrangeOne 6 months ago
Just as much as the couples that gush over each other on social media how much "he's the one and only" and "I love you so much babe", but it's always boyfriend/girlfriend #5 that year and you know one of them is sneaking around with others. (My bf's sister is... a character.)
When "screening" the people we're seeing, Dr. Schiff believes that "both gut instinct and factual information are important."
"Gut instinct is your nervous system's way of flagging something: sometimes it's right, and sometimes it is based on old patterns or trauma. Factual information should be used alongside intuition," the psychologist explains.
"The healthiest approach is to stay curious, definitely trust your gut, but let the facts confirm or challenge it. The key to healthy dating is noticing when something makes you feel anxious, second-guess your needs, or makes you shrink. Real connection should feel grounding, not chaotic."
#10
Having to get permission from your partner before going out or running errands.
Lost Panda 5 months ago
Or having to leave your phone at home when you do said things without your SO because you must be using it to cheat... No, you're right... I'll just drive in complete silence XD
#11
Being expected to talk 24/7 and have no life outside of each other.
#12
Using someone else as a comfort while trying to figure out their situation with their ex… just happened to me. Completely messed up. Not ok.
Charles McChristy 5 months ago
Same. Happy to report he didn't take her back and I dodged a major bullet.
#13
Performing for each other instead of being real. People feel pressure to be endlessly witty, effortlessly cool, or emotionally detached like dating is a game of who can care less first. It’s exhausting and kind of dehumanizing.
StrangeOne 6 months ago
For this one, could it be because people have this checklist of personality traits they're looking for, and their love interests are feeling the pressure to tick them all? Idk but it's a thought.
#14
Sending unsolicited d**k pics.
#15
The expectation to respond to texts immediately. Like you owe your partner your full time and attention.
(This is obviously not in every relationship, but it’s definitely in some.).
#16
Tracking each other’s every movement.
StrangeOne 6 months ago
As if calling and texting isn't enough, anymore. These things gives me the creeps because of how easily available they are and how easily they can be used for stalking.
#18
Deceiving someone into thinking you are exclusive to enjoy their focused attention.
#19
For some odd reason it’s become normal and somewhat expected to share your location 100% of the time. It’s almost never for “safety”.
#20
Playing hard to get.
Multa Nocte 6 months ago
Women, please don't do this. It's unfair to other women when men don't know what you are really saying and they then assume that when the rest of us say "No" that we don't mean it.
#21
Not going to bed angry - majority of problems within a healthy relationship stems from overstimulation from stress. So staying up trying to figure it out may cause more mental torment versus sleeping (while still holding each other and saying I love you) and waking up feeling refreshed enough to speak .
#22
Expecting s*x on the first date and swiping left on anyone who's not willing to put out immediately. Pressures people into feeling like they have to do it even if they don't want to.
#23
“The chase”
If you’re having to chase someone, you’re not mutually attracted to each other, you’re being predatory .
#24
Posting everything about your relationship online.
#25
Treating dating as if everybody is auditioning for you instead of considering the fact that dates are equals who are also taking time out of their busy lives to get to know you.
#28
Comparisons.
Stop comparing your couple, your actions, and your involvement to what you see others doing on the Internet.
StrangeOne 6 months ago
Just think about the dysfunction that happens offline. It's guaranteed. Also, don't compare your current partner to your exes. They are a whole other person with a whole other life you weren't around for.
#29
Making hypocritical demands.
#30
Talking about exes excessively, being hung up on exes, and jumping from person to person instead of committing.
#31
Putting up with your partner calling you insults during disagreements or arguments (stupid, idiot, b***h, etc), or calling your partner hyper casual and dismissive names during fights (i.e. bro).
#32
Love bombing, future faking, and, push and pull behaviors.
#33
Well it's seen as a red flag if you don't live on social media. I have reddit but apps like instagram and snapchat felt pointless.
Takes me out of the running for a fair amount of people.
StrangeOne 6 months ago
I get this. It's something I've come across, too. People think you have some sort of dark reason for not being on social media or that you're too... Idk "old fashioned" or something. It's like when people find it suspicious if someone doesn't own a car or never got their driver's license. It wasn't that long ago I bought my first cellphone. Before that I used an mp3 player for music and waited until I got home to make calls. Anyways, some guy noped right off the bus after we got talking and about to exchange numbers because I pulled out a little *gasp* address book and pen.
#34
Sending nudes or risque’ pictures to strangers. Would you walk up to a stranger on the street and strip down? No? Then why do it to a total stranger online?
#35
Not being “allowed” to have opposite s*x friends. In a healthy, normal adult life, you can have friends of all identities and it shouldn’t be a problem. Getting mad at your partner for having friends is just weird.
#36
Maybe not “normal” but bringing or suggesting to bring another person into the relationship.
Even worse if you have kids. I’ve known 2 couples who have done this. Both couples are divorced now.
Lukas (he/him, it/its) 6 months ago
Polyamory can work but it takes trust and communication from everyone involved, and not everyone is cut out for it. I've been in healthy and unhealthy poly relationships and yes, communication is key.
#37
Sharing social media passwords. Ew no. Your account is *YOURS* for a reason.
SchadenFreudian Psychology 5 months ago
When I see a social media account that two members of a couple use, my first thought is, “Which one of you cheated?”
#38
Following the toxic advice of 'in order to get over someone you need to get under someone else'.
#39
Being completely disingenuous from the get go.
#40
The pressure to get married. I can think of many great reasons a couple may wait 10 years to get married, but very few good reasons to have a 2 year dating to married turnaround. .
#41
No label situationships. No one asking you to get married on date 2, but at least figure out what the relationship is.
#42
Looking through a partner's phone. Not just for the obvious aspect of jealousy and mistrust, but it violates the privacy of your partner's loved ones. When I text you, I am texting you, not your partner. I don't want my friends' partners looking through our text messages.
YukiChou 6 months ago
My husband and I have full access to eachothers phones, but we never go through messages or eachothers social media. When I need his phone it's when I left mine at home and need to call / text someone about being late, or when he asks me to call or text someone whilst he's driving. And just in case something happens to either of us we will always have access to eachothers phone, so we can access the app for healthcare, internet, electric services etc. My single SIL passed last year. No one had access to anything on her phone, laptop, etc. It was a pain to find any online contract and to cancel everything.
#44
"I know we were dating but we never officially said we were exclusive so you can't get mad I slept with someone else".
#45
Expecting excessive money spending on first dates.
"If it's not a high class restaurant, I don't even bother going".
#46
Ghosting, breaking up with long term partner over text/email.
PandaPadi 5 months ago
This one depends. Ive been in a toxic relationship with someone who would turn out to be a creep. I was scared to break up with him face to face because I felt he might do something harmful towards me. I just left the house and went to a place of safety. He still wanted answers so only way we communicated was through text or emails so as to have written evidence of our discussions. The story eventually really ended with the help of police intervention. So I would not generalize concerning what is the best way to break up.
#47
The expectation for constant communication through text or social media. This expectation makes it really easy for love bombers to disguise their tactics.
#50
Ghosting, ESPECIALLY if you go out on a few dates already. Ik most people take the hint after one date if they stop messaging, but if you’ve seen this person, especially a few times, it just shows a huge level of disrespect and leaves them confused as to why you don’t want to see them again. While I know mental health can impact ones actions (I’m very depressed lol) I don’t go out of my way to go on multiple dates with someone and straight up ghost them- you simply just say “hey I don’t think this is gonna work out- it’s nothing against you, I just need some time alone”.
#51
Seeing numerous people at the same time. Not even trying to take the time to get to know one person before moving on. Just as many as possible, as if this is the way to find the right person.
#52
Texting every second and a half.
#54
It seems to me that society as a whole is moving to using Apps as the only way to start dating. Don't date colleagues, don't date friends, don't approach anyone organically because they're there to work/shop/relax/work out...
Just use tinder or Bumble and let some s****y algorithm designed to maximize profits decide who and how to date. We're now judging everybody on a never changing pattern of designed Apps: some pictures, a fun and original Bio, a quirky fact, my love language and an opening move.
I'm not talking about pickup artists and how to get someone's number BS, I'm talking about actual encounters and maybe seeing someone frequently and ask them out because you feel a connection. It seems like this is being frowned upon more and more. We don't see other people as being dateable, unless we stumble upon them swiping brainlessly. I think this leads to loneliness because it also makes people stop commiting. Something minor might suddenly be an ick and you ghost them for the next one walking by before even talking about it with the person. .
Child of the Stars 5 months ago
The only one I'd put an absolute NO on is asking someone out when your only interaction has been while you and/or they are working, especially if they're in the hospitality industry or sales.
#55
Ohhh I could make a list a mile long
—Ghosting someone you’ve met in person for any reason other than safety concerns.
—“Breadcrumbing” behavior of feigning interest in someone just to have them in reserve while you look for someone better.
—Spending entire dates talking to other people on your phone or planning entire dates around taking photos for social media.
—Imagining red flags because of something seen on social media, or ignoring red flags for the same reason
—The “non exclusivity without clarity” baseline
—Expecting, or even insisting on, a partner who shares all your same opinions because the internet hive mind made us think that’s normal.
—Oversharing about our dates and s*x lives with acquaintances and strangers in ways that violate the privacy of the partner.
Child of the Stars 5 months ago
While I agree that it's not healthy to need someone who agrees with you on literally everything, but often when someone says this, they're not talking about one person enjoying camping and the other preferring a hotel. They mean things like political and social opinions. But those things speak to a person's ethics and views of morality. I couldn't date a conservative, for example, or even a supposed moderate (which is just a gentler way of saying conservative) because it all clashes with my progressive views. We're not compatible at all.
#56
Social media, sending pictures, over communicating
I screwed up one time over sharing via text and I regret it so much. I was vulnerable and thought we were on the same page. It was a great reminder that the slow burn relationship is the best strategy for building trust and long term success, friendship or romantic or whatever. I won’t do any relationship building through technology anymore.
#57
That she is always right.
It's very normal for people to believe that the woman is right. And with some experience, I might also add that it's mostly been true for me. However, I've also seen a ton of people normalize this to a point where if he makes a good point, she is still the one who's right.
#59
The extreme categorization of sexual/romantic relationships.
#61
I know I’m going to be insanely downvoted for this but casual s*x. When you share that level of intimacy you are giving away a piece of your soul. I’m not saying you have to wait until you are married to share intimacy. But hooking up and or having s*x with a person that you barely know or don’t have deep feelings for it’s incredibly destructive to your soul. And don’t tell me that you haven’t woke up feeling that hollow ‘yuk’ the morning after. Because if you’ve done it you know it.
#62
Hook up culture. Don't get me wrong, I'm not encouraging purity culture as that is just as problematic. I have no qualms with people hooking up, but I really hate the emotional fallout afterwards.
Sure it feels great in the moment, but then you are never quite sure where you stand in the cold light of day. Even now, I never know where I stand with someone after we have s*x as questioning things somehow makes it weird. Or me seem needy.
I began dating during peak hook up culture in the 00s and the emergence of dating apps, which has definitely left me with some trust issues.
To be honest, I think everyone has been stung by hook up culture and I just wish people treated each as humans - rather than emotional-less bodies to fill a gap.
Maybe this is just me though...
What do you think ?
Katiekat 5 months ago
Wow, I dunno about all this. I'm 57, was married twice for 25 years, haven't dated since the 90s. So much of this seems rather young people problems. Every bit of this could be solved by knowing what your own individual likes and preferences are, as well as what your hard no's are. Add some honest, open, up-front communication, then take a day or two to process and make your decision about going forward. When someone tells you who they are, believe them. Don't ignore your gut. Better to be alone and peaceful than dating someone who brings all the drama. I choose my peace every time, and a man would have to add to that to get my companionship long term.
AuspiciousTree283 5 months ago
That's the issue with the internet--it's mostly comprised of young people seeking intimacy but either running into bad fish or having a lack of communication. Then, others flock here to make extreme suggestions that does not reflect their empathy. She doesn't want to give you a kiss? Break up with her! Stuff like that.
Load More Replies...
Dirk Daring 5 months ago
Whenever I see a shared Facebook account like "Bob and Sally Jones", I immediately wonder which one got caught.
Katiekat 5 months ago
Wow, I dunno about all this. I'm 57, was married twice for 25 years, haven't dated since the 90s. So much of this seems rather young people problems. Every bit of this could be solved by knowing what your own individual likes and preferences are, as well as what your hard no's are. Add some honest, open, up-front communication, then take a day or two to process and make your decision about going forward. When someone tells you who they are, believe them. Don't ignore your gut. Better to be alone and peaceful than dating someone who brings all the drama. I choose my peace every time, and a man would have to add to that to get my companionship long term.
AuspiciousTree283 5 months ago
That's the issue with the internet--it's mostly comprised of young people seeking intimacy but either running into bad fish or having a lack of communication. Then, others flock here to make extreme suggestions that does not reflect their empathy. She doesn't want to give you a kiss? Break up with her! Stuff like that.
Load More Replies... Dirk Daring 5 months ago
Whenever I see a shared Facebook account like "Bob and Sally Jones", I immediately wonder which one got caught.
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