During the last couple of decades or so, we’ve had some pretty excellent TV series, yet somehow, only a fraction of them have made such an impact on the audiences and pop culture as the one and only The Office. From its painful relatability to loveable characters and goofy humor, The Office proved to be a smash hit for the last ten years or so. So, to commemorate its ingenuity once more, we’ve created a list full of only the most awesome The Office quotes and are delivering them straight to your screens for reading pleasure. So, get ready for giggles and eye-opening moments, and scroll on down below to meet our selection!
But, before you do, though, should we bet whose funny quotes, besides Michael, you’ll find the most in this list? Will it be the gems of thought from the enigma known as Dwight? Or maybe the most loveable cat lady, Angela? Or perhaps the very insightful quotes from Tuna will be the most numerous here? Well, there’s only one way to figure it out, and it is by checking out The Office quotes and doing a thorough count! Doesn’t that sound fun!
So, you’re probably ripe enough with curiosity, and it is time to finally skip to the fun, unexpectedly moving quotes themselves, am I right? Once you are there, vote for the best quotes if you’d like to, and share this jovial compendium with your compadres.
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“I’ve been involved in a number of cults, both a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader.” — Creed Bratton
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” — Michael Scott
“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” — Michael Scott
"That's what she said." — Michael Scott
“Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.” — Creed Bratton
"Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' and if they would, I do not do that thing." — Dwight Schrute
"I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them." — Andy Bernard
“My roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m making Dwight up. He is very real.” — Jim Halpert
“Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, he transfers his debt to William Charles Scheider.” — Creed Bratton
“Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.” — Michael Scott
“I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.” — Michael Scott
“In the parking lot today, there was a circus! The copier did tricks on the high-wire. A lady tried to give away a baby that looked like a cat. There was a Dwight impersonator and a Jim impersonator. A strongman crushed a turtle; I laughed, and I cried. Not bad for a day in the life of a dog food company.” — Creed Bratton
“No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.” — Michael Scott
“I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.” — Michael Scott
“Last year, Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed’s brain, I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I’ve read some of it. Even for the internet, it’s… Pretty shocking.” — Ryan Howard
“I’m fast. To give you a reference point. I’m somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther.” — Dwight Schrute
“I’m glad Michael’s getting help. He has a lot of issues, and he’s stupid.” — Phyllis Lapin-Vance
“A few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa and my cousin, Mufasa, was um, he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests and um, we all took it really hard.” — Ryan Howard
“The worst thing about prison was the dementors.” — Michael Scot
“Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.” — Stanley Hudson
“I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” — Kevin Malone
“And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” — Michael Scott
"Mini cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes? Which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?" — Kevin Malone
"It takes an advanced sense of humor. I don't expect everybody to understand." — Michael Scott
“So this is my life — until I win the lottery. Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books.” — Jim Halpert
“Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.” — Michael Scott
“Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year.” — Dwight Schrute
“Oh, I don’t think it’s blackmail. Angela just does what I ask her to do, so I won’t tell everyone that she’s cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be blackmail, it would have to be a formal letter.” — Phyllis Lapin-Vance
“No, Rose, they are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs… Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs, do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?” – Michael Scott
“The only problem is whenever I try to make a taco, I get too excited and crush it.” — Kevin Malone
“I am Beyonce, always.” — Michael Scott
“You know a human can go on living for several hours after being decapitated.” — Creed Bratton
“I’m guessing Angela is the one in the neighborhood that gives the trick-or-treaters toothbrushes, pennies, walnuts.” — Pam Beesley
“When you’re a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that.” — Pam Beesley
“I already won the lottery. I was born in the US of A, baby. And as backup, I have a Swiss passport.” — Creed Bratton
“Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.” — Michael Scott
“I kinda know what it’s like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man.” — Kevin Malone
“I can’t use Phyllis! Are you kidding me? The moment she steps off this bar, I’ll be launched into space! God, you’re so insensitive.” — Dwight Schrute
"I understand nothing." — Michael Scott
"I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It's every parent's dream." — Michael Scott
"You want to start a street fight with me? Bring it on. But you're gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets. You don't even know my real name. I'm the flipping lizard king." — Robert California
“Everything I have I owe to this job… This stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.” — Jim Halpert
“I normally don’t enjoy making people laugh.” — Angela Martin
“I got six numbers. One more and it would have been a complete phone number.” — Kevin Malone
“I don’t care what they say about me. I just want to eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for… At a dinner party.” — Pam Beesley
“Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are too flashy, so I’m forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.” — Angela Martin
“I have been trying to get on jury duty every year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit it in an air-conditioned room, downtown, judging people, while my lunch is paid for… That is the life.” — Stanley Hudson
“You guys I’m, like, really smart now. You don’t even know. You could ask me, ‘Kelly, what’s the biggest company in the world?’ And I’d be like, ‘blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah.’ Giving you the exact right answer.” — Kelly Kapoor
“Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, and then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sort of feel out what the situation calls for.” — Kelly Kapoor
“I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that Al Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn’t hate me.” — Pam Beesley
“It’s a real shame because studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage because I bring my own water to work.” — Dwight Schrute
“We didn’t play many video games in Scranton. Instead, we’d do stuff like… Uh, Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high-pitched note and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And, uh, Pam called it… Pretendinitis.” — Jim Halpert
“One day Michael came in and complained about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then.” — Jim Halpert
“The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is D.M.I. Do you know what that stands for? Dummies, Morons, and Idiots. Because that’s what you’d have to be to own it. And as one of those idiots, I believe the board owes me answers.” — Oscar Martinez
“It’s true. Around this office, in the past, I have been a little abrupt with people. But the doctor said, if I can’t find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I’m going to die.” — Stanley Hudson
“I wanna do a cartwheel. But real casual-like. Not enough to make a big deal out of it, but I know everyone saw it. One stunning, gorgeous cartwheel.” — Creed Bratton
“Look, it doesn’t take a genius to know that every organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn’t have two presidents; a boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes?” — Oscar Martinez
“An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to… An office is a place where dreams come true.” — Michael Scott
“I don’t talk trash, I talk smack. They’re totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like: Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like: You’re ugly and I know it for a fact ’cause I got the evidence right there.” — Kelly Kapoor
“I once reported Oscar to the INS. Turns out he’s clean, but I’m glad I did it.” — Angela Martin
“If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people.” — Dwight Schrute
“I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. They’re always complaining. I have varicose veins, too. I have swollen ankles. I’m constantly hungry. Do you think my nipples don’t get sore too? Do you think I don’t need to know the fastest way to the hospital?” — Standley Hudson
“I have decided that I’m going to be more honest. I’m gonna start telling people what I want, directly. So, look out world, ‘cuz ‘ol Pammy is gettin’ what she wants. And, don’t call me Pammy.” — Pam Beesley
“It’s like I used to tell my wife. I do not apologize unless I think I’m wrong, and if you don’t like it, you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I’ll say it to my next one, too.” — Stanley Hudson
“Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, this would be my career. And, uh, if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train.” — Jim Halpert
“I’m not offended by homosexuality. In the ’60s I made love to many, many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain… And it’s possible a man slipped in. (Shrugs) There’d be no way of knowing.” — Creed Bratton
"I love catching people in the act. That's why I always whip open doors." — Dwight Schrute
"Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them. Or he quits them. Because they're unfair." — Andy Bernard
“I run a small fake ID company from my car with a laminating machine that I swiped from the Sheriff’s station.” — Creed Bratton
“You know what they say about a car wreck, where it’s so awful you can’t look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away from, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.” — Pam Beesley
“How is it possible that in five years, I’ve had two engagements and only one chair?” — Pam Beesley
“The people here are amazing debaters. I guess you can say they are master-baters.” — Kevin Malone
“Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug and didn’t seem to realize that it wasn’t his hot coffee. So, the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won’t notice?” — Jim Halpert
“I wake up every morning in a bed that’s too small, drive my daughter to a school that’s too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day? Well, I like pretzel day.” — Stanley Hudson
“When Pam gets Michael’s old chair, I get Pam’s old chair. Then I’ll have two chairs. Only one to go.” — Creed Bratton
“So you’ve come to the master for guidance? Is this what you’re saying, grasshopper?” — Michael Scott
“I think it’s great that the company’s making a commercial, because not very many people have heard of us. I mean, when I tell people I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers or muffins or mittens or… And frankly, all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide.” — Jim Halpert
"There's something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional." — Robert California
“The man is wearing sandals. I don’t need to see Oscar’s toes at work. Gross! I mean, he looks like he just got off the boat.” — Angela Martin
“Well, this is what happened. Uh, Ryan’s big project was the website, which wasn’t doing so well. So Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice. Once as offices and once in the website sales, which is what we refer to in the business as misleading the shareholders. Another good term is fraud. The real crime, I think, was the beard.” — Oscar Martinez
“I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the Martin family. She’s hypoallergenic. She doesn’t struggle when you try to dress her. She’s a third-generation show cat. Her father was in Meet the Parents. Needless to say, she was very, very expensive.” — Angela Martin
“Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is because you’re not good at interacting with people. But guess what! From now on you guys are no longer losers! So give yourselves a round of applause.” — Kelly Kapoor
“It is not a good time for me to lose my job since I have some pretty big long-term plans in my personal life with Pam that I’d like her parents to be psyched about. So, I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: try.” — Jim Halpert
“Yeah, I’m not a temp anymore. I got Jim’s old job. Which means at my 10-year high school reunion, it will not say ‘Ryan Howard is a temp.’ It will say, ‘Ryan Howard is a junior sales associate at a mid-range paper supply firm.’ That’ll show ’em.” — Ryan Howard
“Yes, I have a dream, and it’s not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there’s a button that I can press and launch that lighthouse into space.” — Stanley Hudson
“If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know that I’d ever been here. And I’d forget, too.” — Ryan Howard
“If I can’t scuba, then what’s this all been about? What am I working toward?” — Creed Bratton
“As a person who buys a lot of erotic cakes, it’s nice to be represented on one.” — Phyllis Lapin-Vance
“I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage, because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.” — Michael Scott
“Michael is leaving. And apparently, they’ve already hired a new manager. And we’re meeting him today. It’s a lot to process — paperwork-wise.” — Oscar Martinez
“Who’s the one who didn’t bring lice into the office? Meredith. Sure, I gave everybody pink eye once, and my ex keyed a few of their cars, and yeah, I BMed in the shredder on New Years. But I didn’t bring the lice in. That was all Pam.” — Meredith
“Hey everybody, he’s not in the men’s room. Although the seat was warm, so we may have just missed him.” — Meredith
