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“I Sadly Thought This Was Normal Behavior For A Long Time”: 30 Signs That Somebody Is Not Okay
Interview
Mental health is extremely important for our overall well-being. And not just for our own but for our loved ones as well. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we had the superpower to immediately clock the tiniest hints that someone close to us was having problems with their mental health? If we were able to tell when it's just a regular mood swing and when we'd need to actually worry?
Recently, people shared some signs that might indicate a person is having a tough time with their mental health. Some shared the things they wished others noticed about them when they needed help. Others shared experiences with loved ones who have been or are still struggling.
Bored Panda reached out to the Redditor who asked this question, and they were kind enough to have a chat with us. Read our conversation about the importance of mental health below!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
What people who aren't depressed or never have been dont realize is just how hard it is getting up in the morning much less making proper appointments for mental health checks. Everything feels exhausting. It's the one disease that literally tries to stop you from getting help for it.
Paulina 1 year ago
And being tied to that "bed" with a spring. Every time you make some steps and feel like you're moving along, it bounces and pulls you back in.
Load More Replies... Nimitz 1 year ago
I deal with depression/anxiety/PTSD and the executive dysfunction is f*****g insane and unfair. You know that you just need to do _____ to get help, but for the life of you, even if it's just sending a simple text or doing one quick thing and YOU F*****G CAN'T! It's an astonishing and painful roadblock. It even left me suicidal more than once cause I just couldn't do that one f*****g thing... Brutal
Upstaged75 1 year ago
I call it mental paralysis. It's SO frustrating. And people with "normal" brains just don't understand why it's so hard for us.
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Elladine DesIsles 1 year ago
Anxiety can be like that too... "Oh, phone calls give you panic attacks? Of course, I'll make a referral to an anxiety clinic and they will call you to set up an appointment..."
Upstaged75 1 year ago
Yup! My problem is that I make appointments and then can't manage to actually go to them. I rarely even cancel either - I just don't show up. (I mean to call and let them know, but then I somehow always forget) I've been rescheduling the same GYN appointment for almost a year now. And it sometimes takes me 2 weeks to work up the motivation to finally make the call. I wonder how normal people do it! ;)
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Disgruntled Pelican 1 year ago
I wake up simply out of spite and hatred for myself. Makes no sense, but it's working?
Melissa Gallo 1 year ago
Seriously... During the darkest phase of my depression I called into work and said I couldn't come in because I was "too sad"
Norah Reilly 1 year ago
Just try getting your family and friends to educate themselves so that they understand what you're dealing with...
Upstaged75 1 year ago
That was always the hardest part for me. Even though they all know what I'm dealing with, my mom still seems to think I can just "snap out of it" when things get rough. It's really not that simple. I wish it was!
Load More Replies...The Redditor who asked others "What are some subtle signs a person is not quite alright mentally?" got back to us and told us why they decided to post this on r/AskReddit. It appears this topic is near and dear to this Redditor's heart.
The question was inspired by the user's own struggles with mental health, such as depression, anxiety, and alcoholism, as well as the issues of the people in their immediate circle. "I developed an interest in observing these issues and learning about different ways of treating them," the Redditor told us.
RELATED:
#2
If you know someone who has been really depressed and suddenly they seem very happy it can be a sign that they decided they are going to k*ll themselves and are happy with their decision and glad it will all be over soon.
Corvus 1 year ago
The "having one last good day" phenomenon. Indeed, it is a warning sign. BTW, no "self-unalive" this time? BP, you're getting sloppy :P
Doctor Strange 1 year ago
This is actually, in part, why anti depressants list suicide as a possible side effect. Its not that it makes someone suicidal, its that it gives them the energy and motivation to go through with it.
Flora Porter 1 year ago
Sometimes people do it when they feel a bit better because they didn't have the energy when they were at their lowest.
Melissa Gallo 1 year ago
Sadly, my late cousin was like this, may he rest in peace... He passed at 24, would have been 62 now
Emma London 1 year ago
In my country, your government-provided sick leave benefits can be revoked if you are diagnosed with depression and then start talking about suicide. Their logic is that because depression comes with the unability to make decisions, deciding to kill yourself is a sign that you are getting better 🤯
Winnie the Moo 1 year ago
And who are we to stop them? Let them be happy to end it all. Downvote all you want; but many times these thoughts were all that could calm me down. Sometimes that’s a soothing thought: that it’s all gonna be over and there will be no more pain.
#3
Lives in filth and squalor. Severe depression and other mental illnesses impair your executive functioning and motivation, so tending to basic hygiene and cleanliness is extremely difficult.
J J 1 year ago
Lived with who I thought was my life partner for 14 years. She suffered from hoarding after her father passed. Been almost 2 years since she ended it. The signs are real people. Don't ignore them.
Melissa Gallo 1 year ago
No filth, but I'm a hoarder. Most things are actually brand new, just piled up. It ruins my life but I feel helpless about it...
Lorraine R 1 year ago
Read an article about this -- it can be a dysfunction in the part of the brain responsible for decision-making. Can't decide where to start cleaning/sorting? Can't decide whether to keep or dispose? Can't decide whether to trash or donate? Can't decide whether to trash or recycle? it leads to paralysis in the person and stasis in the environment. Cognitive behavioral therapy can help.
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The user also agrees that it's extremely important to be aware of subtle signs of mental distress. "The sooner one recognizes an issue, the better [the] chance of treating it before it becomes a greater hazard for the person and the ones around them," the Redditor says.
They also have had some personal experience with this and kindly agreed to share it with our readers. "If I myself would have seriously looked at my substance abuse earlier, I would have avoided a bad psychological breakdown and [the] consequences that followed," the Redditor gets brutally honest.
#4
Personal hygiene is usually for me a sign something ain't alright.
InstantMedication:
This is one of the things I started to notice went south before I started to plan to end my life. Just stopped caring if my hair was washed at all. Bipolar and depression are a b**ch.
Disgruntled Pelican 1 year ago
I had my 6 month dental cleaning yesterday and the hygienist asked if I've been brushing and flossing. I told her I've been brushing as much as I can but flossing fell of my radar due to a really bad bout of depression and this saint of a woman looks at me and says "Listen, that's ok. It's great that you're still brushing because I can't imagine how hard it was to push yourself to do that. I'm proud of you." Let me tell you, I nearly sobbed.
Winnie the Moo 1 year ago
I’m sobbing right along with you! What a saint!
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Noname 1 year ago
My children, after we moved to their father's country and received no support with language, acculturation and assimilation from their native family, started to exhibit all kinds of behavioral problems from bedwetting to refusing to bathe or change clothes, and finally refusing to go to school. Social services flagged us for abuse, including me, they even accused their father of incest, but no one, not a single agency recognized that the children and I suffered from emotional abuse/neglect by their father. There's tons of pamphlets about emotional abuse/neglect by spouses and parents, and how to spot it, but it's hard to prove, and mostly, it's just ignored.
Noname 1 year ago
Even worse was when he finally physically abused me, but because he got injured when I defended myself, I was penalised for his injury. The funny part is, if I hadn't defended myself, I might be dead.
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Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago
The amount of acne I have is directly proportional to how depressed I am
Becky Samuel 1 year ago
Honestly, the thing that bothers me more is how the phrase "mental health" is used as a marker for mental ill-health or mental illness. Once you spot it you notice that this lazy usage is everywhere.
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Gavin Johnson 1 year ago
I’m a bald guy with a goatee beard. If I’m unshaven, have a scruffy beard and my hair is long enough for you to get a hold of it then there are issues. When I’m feeling chipper and ready to take on the world then my head is clean shaven all over and my beard is well defined. When I was suicidal I was borderline Grizzly Adams.
Laura Williams 1 year ago
They really are it's exhausting. Just trying to stay normal is a task on par to climbing a mountain like everest. My grandson doesn't believe me.
Huddo's sister 1 year ago
My teeth were in a bad condition after multiple years of anxiety/depression/chronic disability because brushing, let alone flossing, was one of the things I often didn't have the energy (physical or mental) for. By the time I got to the top of the community dental waiting list, one tooth had to be pulled straight away, as well as needing multiple fillings on other teeth. So glad I am in a better place now, though often I can only brush once a day, not twice.
#5
"The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth".
Becky Samuel 1 year ago
This ideation is how incels get started. It's really easy to have a knee-jerk hatred of these men, but reality, as always, is much more nuanced. Men are feeling more and more isolated in society, and when they find other people who are willing to accept them into their circle of course they are tempted. It's so easy to look at things from the outside and make judgements, but loneliness and depression can push people down very dark paths.
Martin Kaine 1 year ago
If the village doesn't raise a child, the child will raze the village.
Laura Williams 1 year ago
Don't think it's poetic but a truth. Discovering the difference is what tells you the poetry and dàmñ awful truth.
#6
Difficulty to make simple decisions, hyper sensitiveness of any kind of criticism.
Stardust she/her 1 year ago
I don’t think this applies to most people. I have a hard time making a lot of decisions and I’m extremely sensitive and can’t handle criticism but I’m not mentally ill in any way
Angela C 1 year ago
But when somebody didn't used to be that way and now is it can be a sign that things aren't going well
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SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago
Being sensitive/hyper sensitive to criticism can be a 'hangover' from Emotional Abuse or DV. My ex threw out my soap because it was "the wrong kind", threw out a lot of my things but slowly without it becoming obvious. He would criticise the way I dressed but not in a direct obvious way... All little tiny critiques of things, weeks after each other.... So now? I do feel defensive if someone critises my Home, my clothes or anything else. I'm not "Hyper Sensitive"... I've been through Trauma.
Laura Williams 1 year ago
Hyper sensitivity to everything not just criticism but that is the worst.
The Redditor thinks the collective attitudes towards mental health have changed in recent years. They think there's more and more awareness about mental health issues and more compassion towards individuals who have to deal with them.
"I think people are more understanding and appreciative towards mental health than before. The [education] towards recognition and tolerance is better, though there is a huge need for that in schools, especially [for people of] younger ages," the user tells Bored Panda.
#7
Isolation from other people. Little to no social battery because in their minds they think they are bothersome to people or that other people would not really notice them gone anyway.
sl*t4suffering333:
For me, it’s isolation. I haven’t been okay in years so now I work nights and barely interact with anyone. I’ve become so isolated
I don’t even know how to integrate back into society or communicate properly. Appetite is also an indicator. When I stop eating and lose weight rapidly, something is very wrong. I’m usually hoping for death by starvation.
Flora Porter 1 year ago
One to be careful with before you judge someone on appearances. Some people are perfectly OK spending a lot of time alone.
Sophia Athene 1 year ago
It's not because you ARE this way that's the problem. It's when you CHANGE to be like this
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Bamamom2boys 1 year ago
When I went through my last really bad bout with depression, I pulled away from all my friends. Not one of them asked if I was okay. This was about 4 years ago. I still don't have any real contact with them now. It still hurts
Upstaged75 1 year ago
That happened to me as well. It makes me question if they ever cared at all.
Load More Replies... Daggie_style 1 year ago
On the flip side, you can be surrounded by people, even loved ones, and still feel very, very alone.
Mariele Scherzinger 1 year ago
So everyone who is an introvert is also clinically depressed? I beg to differ.
Ansi 1 year ago
Nobody is saying that though. Being an introvert is not isolation.
Load More Replies... Magenta Blu 1 year ago
I just don't understand how to fit. I never fit and I can't pretend anymore. I stopped caring
Scarlett 1 year ago
Just out of curiosity because I’ve had the same problem, have you ever been tested for autism or the like? Or is the place you’re just living in weird (which I realized was my problem)?
Load More Replies... #8
Poor mood regulation, if I ever see an adult have a temper tantrum, I avoid them at all costs.
MushroomHead22 1 year ago
he's mad cause he's working on a laptop outside (can't see) no charger (laptop is dead) and no wifi. The guy in this pic has done all this to himself.
Eiryn Elliott 1 year ago
Autism and ADHD both experience meltdowns, which can appear as a tantrum to those who don't understand. Doesn't mean it's safe, but it definitely means that there's something going on. It can however be a matter of needing more support, instead of just being 'mentally ill'.
Laserleader 1 year ago (edited)
I belive its important to understand ADHD and Autistic people are NOT mentally ill, but they do have an information processing issue, like having files unavailable for a time, or having a bad file name to search for, lost in a sea of opened apps and malware viruses.
Load More Replies... Deb Dedon 1 year ago
Sooooo...anyone who's had a bad day, and shows it, is somehow suspect? I don't think so. People are NOT robots. Unrelieved stress kills the stressed.
EvilNob 1 year ago
Picture Karen, and not a normal human being with bad day.
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Lara Verne 1 year ago
Pff I work as cashier, and I saw grown-a*s adults or even elderly people throwing tantrums because something was sold out, or because their bank had some technical problems and they couldn't pay with card. Yeah, it's annoying, but do you seriously need to yell at the top of your lungs and calling workers incompetent? Your bank has problems, how is it my fault?
Laserleader 1 year ago
I recently dealt with a guy who probably made the poor sales girl down at the local Cellular store cry, because he had a tantrum and threatened her and three other's jobs, until the security guard had to escort him out, because she could not transfer his private data on his google account onto his new phone. Obviously no one can move his info but himself. The only thing I could say to him was "She's just a teenage sales girl. She's just a cashier, not a programmer."
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Paul Brown 1 year ago
I had real anger issues and it was hurting everyone around me. I never hurt anyone physically, but I would rant, rave break stuff,smash my phones. Everyone around me was walking on egg shells. It wasn't until someone suggested to me that my anger could be depression. I knew I had to do something before I drove everyone around me away. Saw a pyschiatrist, worked with him, got some medications and things are going well now. No more angry outbursts, no arguments. Everyone I know comments on how much I've changed. Please ask for help, it's nothing to be ashamed about.
Laura Williams 1 year ago
I've seen that way to many times. However avoiding isn't always the answer.
#9
A constant sense of boredom, bored at work, bored at home, bored doing hobbies...etc. this is usually a sign of discontent or apathy both of which breed depression.
Lara Verne 1 year ago
Well, being bored at work is not unusual (depending on your job) but if you're bored doing hobbies, it'seither time to change hobby, or look for help.
Flora Porter 1 year ago
Yes, and because you can't numb just the painful feelings - it's all or nothing.
#10
I have anxiety and I have noticed that when I am asked to do something at work that I am unfamiliar with, I will ask multiple times in multiple different ways. That’s the only way I can receive proper confirmation that I am performing the task correctly. It’s almost as if I have to ask every single step - I’m sure my coworkers hate me for it, but I’d rather ask 100 times than not ask, and have to own up and THEN fix my mistake. For reference, I work in a relatively fast pace environment.
Delaney 1 year ago
This - but for everything anyone asks of me. Eg am I making their tea ok for their liking? Not enough milk? Too much? (Idk if anxiety or growing up so used to criticism!?)
Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago
I think that often people like this grow up being criticized so much that when the criticism isn’t there they kind of make it up in their heads :P This is just a theory of mine though so idk
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Laura Williams 1 year ago
I have generalized anxiety disorder in addition to other disorders. Fun right.
Daggie_style 1 year ago (edited)
Imposter syndrome is real. It doesn't help when your coworkers perpetuate it with negative vs constructive criticism. It's as easy as just telling some they're doing fine and to trust their judgement - little nudges to keep a person willing to keep trying. It the end everyone wins if you end up with a conscientious worker who has confidence.
sturmwesen 1 year ago
I had to tell them to explain tasks that I don't do routinely and spell them out as clear as possible because my brain has been mush these last months. I know a memo would have been enough a year ago. now it isn't.
#11
When they adopt a religious mindset that is closer to superstition about *every* single thing in life.
I'm not disparaging all religion, but when a person starts thinking the Archangel Gabriel is walking in their garden when the branches move in the wind or attribute absolutely every single thing, like a napkin falling, to God's plan something is wrong.
KariAdoresHerKats🇮🇪🇵🇸🇩🇿 1 year ago (edited)
When i see comments like the ones made on this thread i realise that some people have serious issues and come across as Judgemental, self righteous nasty and cruel.
#12
A lot of people might say to look out for people who are weird but the real sign is to look out for people who lash out randomly.
DennyS (denzoren) 1 year ago
I like being weird, weird is all i've got, that and my sweet style - Moss.
Daggie_style 1 year ago (edited)
It could be that the people marking that warning are so used to seeing selfish, controlling or narcissistic people that anything else is weird to them.
Ryan-James O'Driscoll 1 year ago
Everyone is weird. Weirdness can simply be someone who is comfortable in themselves
#13
As someone who's been there and seen others suffer, I have some to contribute
-Sudden changes in behavior
-Reckless behavior
-Lack of motivation
-Very high highs and very low lows
-Mood swings
-Changes in appetite (over/undereating).
#14
Speech patterns are a good indication. Mania can make people talk really fast or depression can make people not speak at all. How they speak, the words used, can also indicate issues. It's best to just ask if they're ok.
Tempest 1 year ago (edited)
While this is true for most cases, you have to be aware of and consider the person’s “normal” speech patterns so this isn’t a good indicator of mental illness on its own. I have depression and can be noted to never speak/speak only a little often times. But I also happen to have a speech impediment (minor?) which caused me to get bullied at school, resulting in me speaking less and less with time. It’s hard to determine if it’s my speech issues keeping me from being more talkative or if it’s just depression. Also sometimes I happen to experience moments of increased speech, making people wonder if I have bipolar/mania but professionally I’ve never received such a diagnosis. Idk why it happens because my natural is actually a style of forgetting words and being rendered unable to even construct a simple sentence during the few times I talk with anyone. Simply put, just don’t associate particular speech styles with a diagnosis. Sometimes depressed people are the loudest in a room! 😅
Laura Williams 1 year ago
People from the north speak quicker than the south. There are People who speak languages that go faster than usual for some people it depends but after learning a person's normal cadence that is a bigger factor.
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Mysteria 1 year ago
I have ADHD and naturally talk a bit faster than normal people (which my mom apparently takes as being snippy 🙄). Sometimes when I get excited I can blurt. Literally today in health science we were talking about the smallpox vaccine and cowpox and I totally started blurting as my teacher tried to explain it because I was just like “Oh! Oh! I know the answer!” 💀
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
I stopped talking... I just have nothing to say.. and no one listens anyway
Grace Knowlton 1 year ago
I do struggle with depression but I am also autistic so my "normal" speech is flat/monotone I am normally a quiet talker unless I am excited about something then I tend to get very loud 😅
#15
A sense of hopelessness and abusing substances.
Maisey Myles 1 year ago
I do love to smoke a little weed every now and then. Especially when I can’t stop crying. Sometimes a little apathy is all I need to get through the rough patch. Drinking just makes it worse
#16
I learned that in romantic relationships when someone is very overly affectionate one day and then completely cold the next for no apparent reason, it is a sign they could have a personality disorder. I sadly thought this was normal behavior for a long time.
Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago (edited)
Wait what?!?! I just have social and less social days…right? I just thought it was a part of my ADHD… Edit: I may have misread this. I’m not cold/aloof, just some days I prefer to vibe and not talk and some days I’m really extroverted. I don’t think I have a personality disorder (hopefully?)
Jesha 1 year ago
Oh yeah no this is not like that at all. This is a more fundamental difference in how they treat you, as if they don't want you to touch them suddenly, then the next day buys you flowers, then refuses to talk to you kinda stuff.
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Tempest 1 year ago
Sounds a lot like borderline personality disorder. They tend to idealise people one moment only to despise them the very next minute. It’s really hard for BPD people to keep a relationship because of this push and pull mechanism. Speaking as someone suffering from BPD. While I don’t regret my last (and only) relationship ending (he was extremely narcissistic and abusive), it was the reason I realised that there was something really wrong with me too. I would go from being on cloud 9 with him to hating him within just minutes (yes JUST minutes). Maybe some partners might be understanding of a BPD partner, but it’s not a healthy environment for a relationship. Please I’m not saying we aren’t capable or deserving of relationships. It’s just we need some help letting go of maladaptive emotions and actions. I’m working on myself now and am avoiding relationships until I know I can handle one like a normal person.
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
I just can't understand the proper way to behave... So maybe I'm too affectionate or to distant.. it seems I don't understand how to balance this
#17
Impulsiveness. It seeps into every crevice of their lives. Whether in relationships, identity, decision making, money. They're literally unsettled mentally. Will drop people just as fast as they bring them in.
#18
Incongruence in the emotions on their face and what they are communicating. It gives you the intuitive vibe that something is off and puts your on guard. The classic case is the guy who comes to talk to you in the bar and be really friendly and smooth but their face shows flashes of anger mixed with anxiety and forced smiles that don't appear genuine. This is what we call an incongruent affect.
Orion Red 1 year ago
I was talking to a guy face to face for the first time. he would do overreacting facial expressions that were copying mine. it was so over the top that I realized he's on the spectrum and doing his best to make conversation. like, he had been trained to react from flash cards. I ended up taking that dude to an escape room...he fing loved it. Yeah, figure out which game Egyptian characters on this stone tablet will unlock this dresser.
Tempest 1 year ago
I tend to have a permanent happy face when talking, even if the topic is extremely mundane or serious (when my grandma died I was passing on the news to family members with a smile on my face all the while I was crying on my own). I know it’s the incongruent affect but I also attribute this reaction to me being used to always putting on a fake smile when facing society despite having a storm brewing inside my head.
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
I realized I'm always pretending to react, feel and behave the way others expect me to. I got so tired of pretending that i now just avoid everyone. I can't perform anymore.
#19
Lack of motivation.
The Shark 1 year ago
Motivation in a very physical sense. Feels like it's physically impossible to initiate movement toward completing ANY task... That includes basic things like eating, showering, cleaning of any kind, household chores, errands, hobbies socializing etc. it often feels like I literally can't do anything unless I'm forced to, and/or have a time-specific obligation with unpleasant consequences if I don't complete the task...
#20
Not that subtle but a lack of interest in a beloved pet is very concerning. This is a warning sign for one of my family members having a manic episode.
Jeevesssssss 1 year ago
Or a depressive episode. When my mood is VERY low I'm convinced I'm literally poisonous/contaminated mentally and my pets don't deserve to have me spread it, and I don't deserve to experience their comfort, so I withdraw from them. (Their basic needs are still met, obv, better than my own.) It's a very worrying indication.
TheElderNom 1 year ago
I have a similar issue, I do feel undeserving but not contaminated in regards to my pets. And since they "obviously" only cuddle with me to be nice I don't want them to.
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Ranger Kanootsen 1 year ago
Or OCD. My sister would have days where she wouldn't go anywhere near our pet. She later told me that if she was anxious and she got close, she'd imagine herself hurting the animal and then freak out.
Lena Flising 1 year ago
A little less worrying; when I'm down, I don't water my plants as often as I ought to.
#21
I work in the mental health sector and have my own mental illness(es). When you say "not quite alright mentally", I am interpreting it as also covering people who are experiencing passive or active s*icidal ideation. You need to have a gentle, private, non-judgemental conversation with them if: - They talk about hurting themselves or others - They often make cryptic remarks like, "Not long left now", "It will all be over soon", "There is no point in being alive", or make flippant jokes about killing themselves - You have noticed a sudden, drastic change in demeanour (ie. they used to seem depressed and withdrawn, but they are suddenly really happy and outgoing and making plans to see people they have not talked to in ages ... This is often a sign that they have created a s*icidal plan & date, so they want to say their final goodbyes) If someone discloses to you that they have been having s*icidal thoughts, take it very seriously. Don't panic. Ask about whether they have made any attempts, are planning to do so, whether they have anything at home that they could use to kill themselves, if anyone else knows, etc. If they live with someone, can that person hide the object they are planning on using to hurt themselves? A couple of pointers: Stay calm. Reassure them that you are there to help, not judge, and that you don't think they are a "bad" person for feeling suicidal. Give them your full undivided attention. Do not leave them on their own. The vast majority of suicides happen when the person is alone. If you can't stay, call one of their friends to come over. Fill in said friend on the situation. Respectfully persuade them to let you take them to the hospital and see a mental health professional. Do not keep the disclosure to yourself. They will need a network of trusted people to keep them out of harm's way. Always let them know that you have to tell a professional. Ask which one of their loved ones should know about what is going on. This should be a trusted adult. Some people's loved ones are dangerous/volatile/unpredictable and cannot be trusted with this info. Tell them about what you are doing; be transparent. There is nothing worse than making a s*icidal person feel powerless. If you suspect that someone is s*icidal but they have not said so, have a conversation with them and, if appropriate, *ask if they have thought about suicide*. Contrary to popular belief, this will not "put ideas in their head" - if they are depressed, chances are they have already thought about s*icidal, however fleetingly. Studies show that people who have been saved from suicide experienced relief and gladness when someone kindly reached out and asked them if they were suicidal. Also, call it what it is - s*icidal, killing yourself, etc. Don't say, "Don't do anything stupid!" Not only is this vague, it will make them feel ashamed and less likely to let you help them. Give *information* (ie. Where they can seek help), not opinions (ie. "s*icidal is cowardly") Hopefully you won't have to use this advice, but if you do, I hope it's handy!
Caramello 1 year ago
A great deal of advice packed into this response. I once struggled with süicidal thoughts and someone telling me that I was being cowardly or selfish only made it worse. A comforting and understanding listener is far more effective than a judging, overly critical loudmouth.
Tempest 1 year ago (edited)
Those who criticise suıcidal people by saying they’re selfish are the ones who are selfish. They are telling a person, who is suffering so severely to a point that they’ve lost all hope of being pain free while alive, that them kılling themselves is going to make them, the speaker, sad. Can’t they see that they’re asking someone to stay alive for the sake of their own happiness?! Caramello, hope you found someone who listens and understands your struggles!
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Magenta Blu 1 year ago
My mother committed s.u.icide, so no matter how bad I want everything to end, I can't. Because I know what shi.t I will left for the people who will have to stay alive. So I'm stuck. I'm stuck hopping everything will end some day soon... And unable to speed it. I'm fulfilling a life sentence to having to be alive...
Laura Williams 1 year ago
Great advice from someone who suffers mental health disorders and has 25 years in the game don't worry not trying to kill myself just humor to deflect the pain of dealing with said disorders. I go inpatient if I'm having trouble.
Charley128 1 year ago
I have a s-----e plan. I refer to it as plan B. If all else fails, I can make the pain end.
#22
In terms of depression: I know that my humour gets really dark and goes down the path of jokes about ending my suffering, or s*icide. You'd think that'd be obvious, but in my experience, people only notice it when they're really paying attention. I don't even notice I'm doing it nor do I do it intentionally because they're not funny jokes, but it just takes over. Once it creeps into my language, that's a red flag for me that it's time to get some help. Another one is a lack of enthusiasm about the stuff you know they love. Like if they don't talk about their favourite music for a while. When I'm beginning a depressive episode, the very first warning is that I stop dancing and stop listening to music. I've told my psych, if I stop dancing, I'm in trouble. Now he asks, "when is the last time you danced?" to gauge where I'm at.
Kris Tyler 1 year ago
I've made jokes about su*c*de in the past until I realized words can change you. Even so I would never do it (unless I got terminal like als). I truly believe I'd be failing myself spiritually and would be sent straight back here to do it over again. No thank you- I'm too curious about my future <3
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
I don't even remember when was the last time I enjoyed music. Now I seek silence and sounds make me feel distressed.. and nothing is more sound full than music, which im avoiding, because I can't cope with the constant noise
#23
I study psychology and everything can be a subtle sign, but some major ones are inconsistent speech, sudden mood swings, physical agitation (constantly shaking your knee for example), delusional ideas (in all ways good or bad ones), loss of interest in almost everything even things that the person loves, etc….
MushroomHead22 1 year ago
physical agitation (constantly shaking your knee for example) - i do this all the time. i'm doing it now. i went through a depression a few years ago, and am on medication for that now. my shaking of the leg is probably undiagnosed adhd.
Multa Nocte 1 year ago
Make sure you pass this on to whomever is prescribing your medication. It can also be tardive dyskinesia depending on whatever meds you are prescribed, but this needs to be diagnosed by a professional and not on-line.
Load More Replies... Magenta Blu 1 year ago
I can't remember how love feels.. or how to get pleasure about anything really. Everything is so.. plain... I don't know how to enjoy anything
Laura Williams 1 year ago
They won't give me stuff for anxiety anymore because they worry about my breathing. It hasn't affected me yet fool why would it start. Sorry personal grudge.
#24
Not always, but slight comments that are insults to their own character, a bit of self-deprecation could be chalked up to acknowledging how you act sometimes, but if it's constant and nearly all the time, then maybe check in on them. If someone checks in on people a lot, they might either be a worrywart, just care a lot about their friends, or perhaps just looking for a bit of help themselves, but want to make sure nobody else needs it, too.
Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago
THIS! I had a friend like this, constantly helping teachers with everything and worrying that he was being too bossy/mean as the captain of our sports team, and made self-deprecating jokes and remarks all the time. I always wanted to speak up and be like “don’t be so hard on yourself” but I had a lot more social anxiety at the time lol. I hope he’s doing better now.
#25
Oversharing upon just meeting someone.
Nina 1 year ago
It's possible, but some people just lack a filter. I don't consider adhd or autism a red flag, both can lead to oversharing
bas moelard 1 year ago
I agree, I'm an ADD'er, I overshare massively but only realize it afterwards
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CanadianDimes 1 year ago
This is also hugely cultural. What’s considered appropriate in one culture may be totally inappropriate in another.
The Shark 1 year ago
I was just thinking about how I tend to over share, and was analyzing why I still do it even when I'm aware of it and want to stop. I feel like it's a sad subconscious attempt to explain why I am the way I am to people before they realize how utterly incompetent, exhausted, inefficient, anxious etc. I actually am. (As if somehow knowing the "why" will make me more tolerable as a person or employee...) I know this is completely counterintuitive, but it's very difficult to stop when you feel like everything I touch goes to sh*t, and fell very strongly that no reasonably prudent person would ever want to voluntarily be in my presence for any span of time.
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
Specially if you know you are not going to see or talk to this person ever again. It is easier to tell everything to a stranger who you are not going to meet again
#26
Noticeable unintentional weight loss or weight gain.
EvilNob 1 year ago
Yeah. I'm still fighting for gain some weight. It's really disturbing that all the internet pages are only about losing weight, but not how to gain some. No good recipes, nothing.
A̷͇̘̓͜l̷̼͇̣͒̌ͅȩ̷͍͙͗̅̀͊̏̾͘x̶̋̍ 1 year ago
Yeah I lost so much weight but now I'm having trouble convincing myself gaining more weight is healthy.
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Namea 1 year ago
I lost 100lbs during a specific depression period. People kept telling me they were proud of me and I looked great. I would have killed myself every day if my husband hadn't been so vigilantly watching me every day.
Charlotte 1 year ago
People really need to stop with assuming weight loss is intentional. People told my mom she “looked great” when she was going through chemo. Never mind that she looked jaundiced!
Load More Replies... Becca not Becky 1 year ago
This is a red flag for a lot of health problems. Please see a doctor if this happens to you.
TheElderNom 1 year ago
I lost over 10 kilos while living mainly on ice cream and snacks during a depressive episode. Since I'm overweight I just got compliments, including from some health care personnel who knew why I lost the weight.
Lavern Defazio 1 year ago (edited)
When I first started my meds I put in weight. Eventually lost the weight.
#27
My brother is very repetitive. He will ask you something, you’ll answer. The conversation around you will continue and a few minutes later he will ask again, maybe a little different. This will happen again and again, him asking the same question in a different way with long pauses in between, almost as though he’s trying to get you to answer a certain way. Eventually he will just get up and leave the room, dissatisfied. Sometimes he will text me days later, confirming my answer to the question. It’s so f****n weird but harmless. He’s diagnosed Schizophrenic.
#28
They are constantly changing their groups of friends. They cannot maintain a relationship, whether it's a friendship, family or a partner.
Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago (edited)
My grandmother is like this, to an extreme. She divorced my grandfather, and would move/still moves all the time. My mom rarely talks to her anymore.
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
I don't understand how to keep a relationship. I don't understand how to fit in a group... How i am supposed to maintain a friendship if I can't start it?
#29
Lack of flexibility with plans- for me, I would get into an incredibly rigid routine when my ocd or eating disorder were really bad.
Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago
Could also just be autism. Which, I guess, is a mental condition that differs from the norm. But I wouldn’t say it’s a mental issue. It causes issues, sure, but it’s just a brain wired differently.
#30
They study psychology...
Nina 1 year ago
We have a saying that usually the therapists are at the wrong side of the table 😅
Tempest 1 year ago
I have depression and BPD and am working towards specialising in psychiatry (post-med school currently) because I want to help others and bring more awareness to the less commonly discussed issues. I took a few months internship in a psychiatry hospital and recognised some issues that I have a hard time dealing with so I now know to avoid those patients in practice (direct them to doctors who are better at treating them).
Load More Replies... Upstaged75 1 year ago
LOL, my shrink is an awesome guy, but he's totally nuts! Same with my last one. (But he was not awesome) I think I see a pattern. :)
Laura Williams 1 year ago
That's why almost everyone in the field of mental health has a little.
#31
You ask them a question, and they respond like a different question was asked, or just come out with a completely unrelated statement. It's almost like someone who wants to change the subject, but it seems like they can't help it, their mind just isn't taking in and processing information correctly.
TheElementalGod️️ (He/him) 1 year ago
Politititians are usually not right in the head, either.
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#32
Drama seems to follow them everywhere. (They're the drama).
CanadianDimes 1 year ago
I knew someone like this and she was not the drama. The people in her life all were/are though. To some extent, she could control this, yes, but family is complicated (to give an idea, her parents were on Dr Phil - THAT kind of drama)
#33
Ooh I know this one. Avoiding places/situations due to feelings of dread or fear, be it rational or irrational. Abandoning relationships "before they can abandon you" to avoid having to face rejection or criticism. Social isolation. Losing interest in things you once found joyful or fun. Forgetting to shower/keep up with hygiene. Becoming angry or sad in a split second with no apparent reason and not fully understanding why themselves. Giving up. Ive been trying new meds but honestly, with the way this world is going, maybe im *not* crazy. Maybe this is self preservation (minus the forgetting to shower part honestly im distracted af and I need to work on it). Theres so much bad in the world, so much bad happening every day. Im honestly fine with not having friends, less people to disappoint me in the long run. Less people expecting things of me. And im not out here ranting at people in stores or anything, im not causing anyone any trouble. I really just hate this world right now and I dont want to participate until it gets its s**t together.
Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago
That’s fair, but also living in fear is kind of a crappy way to live, speaking from someone who once was anxious about any/everything. This sounds a lot like Avoidant or Borderline Personality Disorder…
#34
Ever talk to someone for a while, like know the guy for months, and realize one day you don't really know anything about them? Can't recall them ever mentioning a family member or even a favorite color. Maybe you went out to eat a few times and they always insisted you pick the restaurant. Like they're scared to let you know anything about them. They're perfectly friendly, get you to talk about yourself, listen to you ramble about your hyper fixations, but when you try to talk to them about them they suddenly don't have anything to say. I've met a few people like this and most of the time I never figure out what's up, but a few times I've gotten them to open up about being bullied or emotionally abused as a kid.
Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago (edited)
As someone formerly like this, it can a sign of crippling social anxiety. It can also relate to trust issues, or being talked over as a kid/made to feel like their opinions didn’t matter. Being patient/supportive and creating judgement-free zones can really help a lot.
Sweet Taurus 1 year ago
I’m like this when I first meet people. I reveal only surface things about myself. I always thought of it as being cautious of letting people I don’t know in. I want to get to know you before you know me that way I can gauge your personality and loyalty first.
#35
Very High highs and very low lows... my sister was clubbing in clubspace for 9 hours before she took her life the next day.... Smoked 4 carts of THC, wrote an odd s*icide note, went on a "juice clense" 4 days before. :/.
#36
Thinking they have more control over others than themselves. Overly angry. Looking for any little mistake from the world around them to justify their anger. Inability to apologize.
Ranger Kanootsen 1 year ago
I guess. I used to be like that. But thats because it was deeply ingrained by my mother "NEVER apologise, because that's weakness and they are walking over you!" And by deeply ingrained I mean we were beaten if we ever said the word 'sorry'. It took me forever to break that habit.
Load More Replies... CanadianDimes 1 year ago (edited)
Apologizing is easy AF. Honestly. Just say, I’m sorry, I was wrong, I apologize. Unless it’s really egregious, that usually deals with most situations. (And obviously mean it, just don’t dig in and pretend you were wronged because you need to apologize or think it somehow demeans you)
#38
I used to work answering phones relating to legal issues and a big sign was always pressured speech. They’ll talk and talk and it only halfway makes sense. But typically people wanted to hear some reassurance or information and these people would not stop talking no matter what I said. And usually their legal issue was outlandish to say the very least.
#39
Grandiose narcissism, probably due to social media pumping up their heads. Sadly it's made its way into the workplace; and those on social media have taken it into real life.
#41
Skin picking and starving yourself.
Charley128 1 year ago
I think OCD is a form of control, when treated by people in random ways with no consistency. I think the brain needs some sort of baseline to compare things. If that baseline keeps changing, the brain devises a set of rules unique to the person so it can't be criticised.
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#42
Inability to laugh at themselves. Selecting exclusively for short term self interested gains. S**t talking previous relationships. Always having an excuse.
#43
Sitting down in the shower. Seems very small but not even having enough energy or being uncomfortable while simply keeping yourself up during a routine thing in life is a pretty good sign somebody is in the very least, burnt out or mentally ill.
#44
They keep apologising.
Karen Southern 1 year ago
This is also a response to abuse. I have come out of an abusive relationship and I apologize profusely even at times to inanimate objects (bang my knee on a table an apologize to the air) Now in any situation where I fear conflict I apologize to try to avoid getting yelled at
#45
I always know my cousin is off her meds when her Facebook is in overdrive. Countless status updates, commenting on old photos, sharing old photos etc.
Sweet Taurus 1 year ago
I know a few people who are in recovery for addiction and I’ve noticed when they seem to always be online but rarely post anything something is wrong.
bas moelard 1 year ago
Do you mean that normally they regularly post something, but all of the sudden they don't?
Load More Replies... #46
They lie a lot.
#47
For me it’s pressed/rushed speech and an insistence on interrupting .
Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago
I had a friend who did this. Always thought it was just the ADHD but idk maybe smthn else was going on.
bas moelard 1 year ago
Might be true, if it happens with people who normally aren't that way. I have ADD and those symptoms are my natural habits
#48
If every single problem in their life leads back to someone else. All their ex's are "toxic". Their coworkers, friends, family... ect are causing drama/problems. Yet you never hear how they personally screwed up.
"Disembodied voice" 1 year ago
Not all my problems but 90% of my issues is because of my dad. Childhood trauma is a female dog
#49
Speak excessively in hyperbole and slogans. Some people will use pseudo spiritual buzzwords like "enlightened" and use phrases like "the heart wants what it wants", etc. If you listen closely, you'll hear that they don't really say anything, it's just a jumbled mess that sounds deep and profound on the surface.
DC 1 year ago
Seriously, the focus on the heart is so stupid. It's the only internal organ that you can detect the status of operativity with bare eyes and hands. A liver, for example, is a lot more complex, but as it acts as a chemical reactor, you can't just feel it working with a hand on somebody's belly. This stretches into dumb and unjustified laws, such as the heartbeat bill, which for no rationally justifiable reason makes a stupid membrane pump the deciding factor on what is considered a life human and a bunch of cells and preorgans. The heart ... am Arsch!
#50
Handwriting clues- my favorite being a random mix of upper case and lower case letters. I’m not talking about penmanship, but there can be clues there, too.
Rae North 1 year ago
Yes, because my writing, I write very fast and have never had good penmanship (its not terrible, but I use upper and lower case sometimes, I think its just the way I prefer to see the letter). I have suffered from depression most times in my life, but other than that, no mental illness.
#51
Anything out of character for them. For someone could mean them withdrawing from friend groups and social situations when they're normally the centre of attention. For someone else it could be taking more risks than normal and suddenly they are the centre of attention. Then you have the general things, limited/no eye contact, not sleeping or sleeping too much, not eating or eating too much, being agitated, loosing their temper quickly and being overly emotional and sensitive, talking about death and self harm, fixating on specific things to the point it impacts their life negatively and disassociating from life in general. The other thing people need to remember is that what often happens is you will see someone snap out of a depressed mood quickly and be fine so people stop worrying about the person. But later the person unalive themselves, this is because the person had made a plan and they had given themselves an escape route. I highly recommend doing a mental health first aid course if you are interested in being able to recognise the signs that someone is mentally unwell.
#52
When they get personally offended at your objective boundaries, or when they try to say negative things to themselves about you just in earshot so you can hear. With the wrong person, this could be everyday for years. It seems to indicate lack of ability to self regulate or ask for what they need directly + possible unhealthy codependency on their part.
#53
Telling the same stories over and over. Being quick to anger and easily triggered if they hear something they disagree with. Lying all the time and lying over mundane things that have no real consequences. People who like to be in control all the time.
#54
Posting a lot of "motivational" quotes on social media. Things about not engaging with toxic people etc.
#55
My brother started to post more on social media. It was the start of a really long manic phase and kind of kicked off the first clue that he had something going on. He had struggled with anxiety and depression before but this was different. We also suspect CTE is partly to blame, but he’s definitely bipolar, not sure of his treatment. It’s been almost three years since we’ve spoken. Best for everyone.
#56
Inability to just let things slide. A friend of mine just has to have the last word on everything - relationships/friendships have to end on her terms. I love her dearly but it's exhausting being her friend at times.
#57
One of the biggest signs that i've taken note of throughout my life experiences is-- usually someone that is happy to take as much as they can from other people, whether it be time / energy / resources / support / money ect., but will absolutely be the ***last*** person to ever reciprocate or offer when a said person they've done this to may have any type of need. anyone that can be that level of greedy, inconsiderate, emotionless, disingenuous ... is a huge signal for me that they mentally not quite straight & do not align as someone that i would want to associate with.
#58
Always some kind of project or self improvement thing going.
bas moelard 1 year ago
I think OP means that in this case the person is always scared of losing grip and fall down into mental darkness
Load More Replies... Red PANda (she/they) 1 year ago (edited)
This could either be indication of pretty good or very bad mental health. The indicator is whether or not they follow through with it, usually. Unless you have ADHD, of course.
#59
Lying, fixation that the ends that justify the means, assuming you know what someone else thinks and choosing* on their behalf * choosing for other people: “I know he likes turkey so I’ll order him a turkey sandwich” = normal and considerate “She won’t want to come, so let’s just not invite her” = removing agency from others.
#60
If they act “autistic”: like always wanting everything to be clean and tidy.. a former coworker of mine always was a bit weird. I thought he had autism because he was way older than me, working a job in my area pretty much only teens would work. He was there full time. This season I learned that he got fired for posting about our boss on Facebook and YouTube. He was firmly convinced, that our boss was an alien and shared that with everyone.
Jeevesssssss 1 year ago
You know a lot of autistic people are really messy, right? Executive dysfunction is a big part of it. And autism isn't associated with delusions.
#61
1. Threatens self-harm as a way to get things from you. 2. Off-hand insults. 3. Tells you others bend the rules for them, that you're the only one enforcing them. 4. Completely bonkers interpretation of what others say or do, almost always in a negative light. 5. They tell you they're a target of gangstalking/that gangstalking is real.
"Disembodied voice" 1 year ago
The idea that multiple people, like a gang, is stalking you
Load More Replies... #62
Laughs at stuff that isn’t funny and is quite insensitive.
Charley128 1 year ago
Friend would say insensitive things. When I finally confronted him(very difficult for me because I hate confrontations) he explained he was just busting on me. He was a compassionate person who would never do anything mean. I told him it still bothered me and I would like him to stop. He just continued the insensitive remarks because it was my fault for taking them the wrong way. If you are really making a joke, shouldn't both people think it's funny. I realized he was an insecure passive-aggressive who enjoyed manipulation because it was the only thing in life he did well.
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What do you think ?
Bored Potato 1 year ago
This reminded me of an experience I had a couple months ago. It was supposed to be my "one last good day". My German teacher noticed this and when he saw me near the balcony ledge, he didn't call me out, he just moved between me and the balcony and attempted to make small talk with me until the bell rang and I had to go to class. I don't know how to begin describing the amount of gratitude I have for this man.
Lsai Aeon 1 year ago
A large majority of these described Generation X. It's how we were raised. DO NOT BOTHER peope and your presence is a bother, we were raised to rarely been seen and never heard and just being in the house bothered parents and grandparents. The same descriptions can be used with someone who is disabled and living in chronic pain. Seriously one needs to look at the situations the person is living in before going all out on "You need mental help"
Sweet Taurus 1 year ago
I would like to add something from my own personal experience. If someone has had a brain injury, be it a concussion or aneurysm keep an eye on their personality for changes. My uncle was in a wreck and ended up with a brain injury and within 6 months he took his own life.
Flora Porter 1 year ago
Two things I don't see in the list: expressing unusual thoughts, beliefs or experiences, like seeing or hearing things other people don't, might mean a psychotic episode (might also mean you need a hearing test, of course). Also, based on an ex, forgetting to factor sleep into your day - always a sign he was on an up.
Marykay Klim 1 year ago
A useful, helpful posting, BP. I'd like to see this kind of variety more often. It's not all about the bridezillas (even though they think it is).
Smart writer 1 year ago
So everything and the opposite of all those things are a sign of depression
Bored Potato 1 year ago
This reminded me of an experience I had a couple months ago. It was supposed to be my "one last good day". My German teacher noticed this and when he saw me near the balcony ledge, he didn't call me out, he just moved between me and the balcony and attempted to make small talk with me until the bell rang and I had to go to class. I don't know how to begin describing the amount of gratitude I have for this man.
Lsai Aeon 1 year ago
A large majority of these described Generation X. It's how we were raised. DO NOT BOTHER peope and your presence is a bother, we were raised to rarely been seen and never heard and just being in the house bothered parents and grandparents. The same descriptions can be used with someone who is disabled and living in chronic pain. Seriously one needs to look at the situations the person is living in before going all out on "You need mental help"
Sweet Taurus 1 year ago
I would like to add something from my own personal experience. If someone has had a brain injury, be it a concussion or aneurysm keep an eye on their personality for changes. My uncle was in a wreck and ended up with a brain injury and within 6 months he took his own life.
Flora Porter 1 year ago
Two things I don't see in the list: expressing unusual thoughts, beliefs or experiences, like seeing or hearing things other people don't, might mean a psychotic episode (might also mean you need a hearing test, of course). Also, based on an ex, forgetting to factor sleep into your day - always a sign he was on an up.
Marykay Klim 1 year ago
A useful, helpful posting, BP. I'd like to see this kind of variety more often. It's not all about the bridezillas (even though they think it is).
Smart writer 1 year ago
So everything and the opposite of all those things are a sign of depression
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