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You’ve likely been in a situation where something someone said completely dumbfounded you. You had to ask yourself whether this person was joking, only to find out that they were actually serious. You probably formed opinions, unflattering ones, at that.
This was likely the experience these people had, which is why they had to share it on Reddit. The thread was about the stupidest thing they’ve heard someone say, and the responses poured in.
Readers, if you have that one completely inane statement from someone that stands out to you, feel free to share it in the comments.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My grandmother told me, "If he doesn't hit you, then he doesn't love you."
RELATED:
#2
Standing in front a jellyfish tank at an aquarium with my then 5 year old daughter. There was a 20ish couple also standing there watching in silence. The tank had lighting that slowly changed colors every few seconds as the jellyfish bobbed around. At some point the woman says...
"It's so amazing how they all know to change to the same new color at the same time."
I had to do everything I could to not laugh. I looked down at my daughter and she a perfect 5-year-old "W*F?" look on her face. I shook my head and then looked at the man, with a look on my face that clearly said "you have to laugh first, man". He was doing everything he could to hold it in. Eventually as we all start letting out some stifled giggles, she says again...
"Oh. My. God. I am so stupid."
The dam burst and all four of us erupted into laughter. I said something like "that was fantastic, you just made our day" and we all went our separate ways. .
#3
A week before the 2020 presidential election: “You will see, the next day after the election covid will disappear. They made it up to make Trump look bad”. It came from a 40-year-old woman with a college degree.
#4
You shouldn't wear steel toed boots because if something lands on your foot, they'll cut off your toes!
Never mind that proper CSA approved steel toed boots would require *thousands* of pounds to do that - far more than what's required to just crush your toes into paste.
See also: You shouldn't wear a helmet because it makes you more likely to be brain damaged instead of ended. You shouldn't wear a seat belt because it's safer to be thrown from the car.
They're all stupid. If you desperately don't want to wear protective gear, don't. But don't spread idiotic nonsense.
Sally Moen 1 day ago
I've had the steel-toe boots I wore to a warehouse banned because of this reasoning. In substitution they required heavy-duty leather boots instead. Btw, many employers with safety requirements actually have to spell out to new employees that, for example, flipflops are not allowed to be worn in the worksite. It's funny because lots of the training and safety signs point out other very obvious ideas: be careful on wet floors, keep your hands away from the drill press.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 1 day ago
When I was a teen I worked in a clothes shop, and twice a year we had a MASSIVE delivery, so the manager would ask several of us to come in early (about 6am) and help unload directly from the lorry, move the palettes with pump trucks, and unbox everything in the warehouse. One year they asked me, two other guys, and three girls to come in early. ALL THREE GIRLS showed up in flip flops so couldn't do any of the work they'd been asked to. These aren't stupid girls, either. They were all off to university after the summer... but no common sense between them.
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KrazyChiMama 22 hours ago
I know from my husband that hot tar roofers don’t wear steel toe boots because if hot tar is spilled on it, it gets hot enough to cause serious burns to your foot before you can get the boot off your foot.
Spencer's slave no longer 15 hours ago
There are safety boots with Kevlar rather than steel. They are lighter and approved for use with hot materials and in places such as foundries.
Load More Replies... Did I say that out loud? 1 day ago (edited)
I have actually seen this happen to someone who got far too close to a 15 tonne fabrication. They were exceptional circumstances with several people being at fault. However, it's the only incident of this kind that I'm personally aware of in 40 years working in factories. I think I'll take my chances, though, and keep wearing the toe cap boots.
Spidercat 1 day ago
This is actually true for some activities. The toe cap doesn't have to deform to remove a toe, if the shoe leather behind it bend ls enough it can happen. I have been taught this, I have taught this and I have seen evidence of it having happened. Take it or leave it but there it is 👍🏻
Nikki Sevven 19 hours ago (edited)
There are exceptions to the steel-toed boot rule. The USPS Bulk Mail Centers, in which the steel over-the-road mail containers weigh 500 lbs (227 kg) when empty. Their maximum weight capacity is one ton (907 kg). Better to have broken toes (and I do) than no toes at all. (ETA metric conversions)
David Morgan 20 hours ago
Yes. Any impact capable of bending the steel protective plate down onto your toes would have obliterated your foot entirely without the plate. So, yes the plate caused you damage, in the same way that a seat belt can give you bruises by stopping you from flying forward and shattering your ribcage to powder. I'll happily take no toes compared to no foot at all.
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Zombie Andrew 4 hours ago
worked (IT tech) in a steel mill for a number of years, but because my job was only OCCASIONALLLY "line facing" i was "allowed" to wear safety toes but ONLY plastic composite. I had INTIALLY thought this was due to some magnetic devices (some used to pull shavings off machines etc) and it was a potential issue...only to find out it was because "composite toes will break before you get your toes cut off by the steel ones"....glad I no longer work there.
Japa Solitario 15 hours ago
They do say that if you use the car seatbelt, your chances of dying from cancer increases.
#5
I had a coworker who believed that if you cancelled a credit card, you didn’t have to pay it anymore.
She told me she had this great plan, she was going to buy a new flatscreen TV and a new couch and a bunch of other furniture and then “I’ll just cancel the card and I’ll get it all for free!”.
#6
"January 6th was a tour of the Capitol " - FOX News.
#7
Someone said to me (without sarcasm) that if their wife had immigrated illegally they would be better off becuase of all the free stuff and money illegals get.
This was just the stupidest thing today though.
#8
Hands down the stupidest thing i ever heard was, I was riding a MUNI bus in San Francisco, right before the solar eclipse in 2017/2018ish.
Women talking to her friend loudly asked how its possible to have a solar eclipse since the moon is just the sun at night.
This was a grown woman, dressed in business attire on her way to what I imagine was a financial/tech job.
For those of you with imposter syndrome, remember these people are out there living their lives, confidently. .
Kathrin Pukowsky 1 day ago
You'd be surprised how many people have never noticed that the moon is sometimes in the sky during the day.
#9
Trump would never say that after a direct quote with video evidence.
Luke || Kira (he/she) 1 day ago
"The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command." — George Orwell.
#10
An angry tourist off a cruise ship barging around a shop in Mexico: “Doesn’t anyone speak American here??!” This person did not even know the name of her own language, much less how rude and ignorant it was to demand that others in a different country speak it.
#11
"I don't want a raise because it would put me in a higher tax bracket".
Zig Zag Wanderer 1 day ago (edited)
This is actually ridiculously common as a misconception. Taxation NEEDS to be taught in schools. Too many people don't understand it and get fooled by other ignorant or manipulative people.
#13
My mom defending Trump wrote to me in an email that he’s a “blue collar businessman.” I laughed and literally rolled on the floor for like 10 minutes. Still makes me chortle.
#14
My mother in law is a turbo Catholic and during the pandemic she would say “you can’t get sick from church” because apparently church is a magical place where germs and viruses can’t get in. That religion made her do and say a lot of stupid things but that one got me angry.
Luke || Kira (he/she) 1 day ago
"Y'know, several virus strands got so intelligent they get themselves baptized so they can sneak in"
#15
Asked a guy at the gas station if he knew where the bookstore was. He replied in a disgusted tone “Do I look like I read BOOKS?” No, I guess you don’t.
#16
My mom got remarried and it’s the weirdest thing….I still look like my dad.
🤯 wish I was kidding. She was in school to be an elementary school teacher, too. Educating the future of America! (Maybe that explains some things….).
#17
I said when I was younger I wanted to be a paleontologist when I grew. She said that was stupid because why would you want to study something that wasn't real (dinosaurs). When I clarified if she actually thought dinosaurs weren't real, she then said she gets them confused with unicorns. Then told us a story that in college, in a lecture, she tried calling out a professor who said unicorns weren't real because she had one at a birthday party when she was younger. Needless to say, she's a pharmaceutical sales rep now.
#18
"I'm a Christian so I don't believe the Earth is billions of years old."
This was another science teacher at a school I worked at. I laughed because I thought he was joking. At the time I did not even realize that young Earthers were a real thing. I thought they were just a running online joke.
#19
Working front desk at a hotel. Guest comes in and walks to the stairwell, then back out and asks "do these stairs go up?"
I take a brief moment to make sure I heard what I thought I heard and reply "guess it depends which way you're going, they also go down".
Dude burst out laughing and went back to the stairwell.
Earonn - 1 day ago
Okay, this I can get. the wording is simplified but its meaning is: "do these stairs go up (to the guest rooms or only to some maintenance floor)? Because not every floor and staircase are meant for the public, and either he wanted to be sure, or the staircase looked so run-down that it didn't look like a public one.
#20
I might be the stupid person in this story so here it goes:
I went to an aquarium several years ago. And they were getting to do a starfish feeding. The girl doing the presentation said "how do you think starfish taste?" The room went silent and I blurted out "horrible!" She apparently meant "how do you think starfish taste their food?".
#21
In my 20s/30s I regularly got asked why I didn’t have kids. I had a stock set of answers, but my usual was, “I don’t think my genes are worth passing to the next generation.”
A co-worker responded, “what do you mean? You’re white.”
Me: 😲
#22
A coworker was telling a story about driving their car, going down an embankment, and having it flip over on its roof. Second coworker cried out, completely sincerely, “Oh my God! Did you live???” And then waited.for.the.answer.
Out of chocolate 1 day ago
I moved from the eat coast to the Midwest. I was explaining to the student a that I had never experienced tornados, but had lived through hurricanes. “You grew up next to the ocean?” “Yep” “Did you ever get eaten by a shark?!?” “….twice. “
#23
I knew a gay guy who’s best friend was a lesbian. His mum said to him “you’re both gay, why not date each other?”
#24
“We haven’t had a dust bowl in years” farmer said as he was ripping out windbreak trees so he could plant more beans on that few acres of land. Like why do you think the wind doesn’t come screeching through here anymore.
Kira Okah 1 day ago (edited)
This is a common type of cognitive bias, one that I am completely forgetting the name of. A remedy for an issue is put in place, it works, forgetting the connection between the issue and remedy, declare the issue gone, and remove the remedy, causing the issue to recur. Also common in medicine, "oh, I've not had issue in years, why do I even need these meds any more?"
#25
“I hope a watermelon falls out of a tree and hits you in the head.”
-Ralphie Fernini (my mum’s high school boyfriend).
#27
I had a classmate who argued, almost to the point of tears, that 55 mph in his Camaro was faster than 55 mph in a Corolla.
#28
A stoner classmate in high school once asked my teacher: “do you think horses know when it’s raining outside?”
It’s been 15 years and I still think about that question weekly.
Luke || Kira (he/she) 1 day ago
I have a student who's a stoner (I'm not judging, neither should you). The insights into that wonderful, colorful mind of hers that she gives us sometimes are priceless.
#29
There was a clip on Reddit the other day where the guy says that drinking water is a scam. Because water is a solvent and dissolves everything.
Which makes it weird that so many people have pools and hot tubs.
#30
Can I rat myself out? I am college-educated with an emphasis in biology. While very heavily pregnant, I asked a zookeeper what penguins were. As in mammals, birds, fish, etc. My brain was so fried from pregnancy that it could not comprehend what category they fell into. My friend looked at me like I had grown three heads or was having a stroke. Rightfully so.
I still die inside when I think of that moment.
Jeff White 1 day ago
You are excused. Not stupid, just carrying on with a minor task of growing an entirely new person in your body. That effort must cause a few (excusable) hiccups in life.
#31
My childhood friend when she got her learners permit said this while driving in the rain: “urgh! Why does it always rain harder when I drive faster?!”.
#32
"You can't just judge someone based on what they believe."
Jeremy James 1 day ago
"Don't tell me what you believe. Show me how you treat other people and I'll tell you what you believe."
#33
I once heard someone at the next table at a restaurant say “you know who is smart? Sarah Palin. She’s so well spoken” I laughed out loud but the jokes on me. It’s all been downhill since then.
#34
Here are a few I've heard in the last couple weeks from my Australian cousin who loves to tell me how stupid Americans are...
"I would go back to 3000 BC to see if Jesus was really knocking about"
"My cervix hurts" (he's a male)
"Hawaii is a country, not a state, because it has it's own flag"
"Who cares what someone from Nepal thinks" (when talking about Napoleon)
There's more but it hurts my brain to think of them all.
#35
I worked with a woman who was a complete hypochondriac. She would come in 1 day with a brace on her right knee, a few days later on the left..same with wrist wraps and other tape.
One day she came in dragging her leg. She told me she had dislocated her shin, and was going to the doctors after work to get a shin splint...
I still can't stop laughing when I think about it..
#36
I had a young coworker who had a drink bottle with a llama on it. I complimented it saying how cute and fluffly llamas are. She laughed at me and said llamas don’t exist, what are you talking about?
She thought llamas were like unicorns.
#37
"Raising a child isn't that hard," said my rich coworker who has a live-in nanny and housekeepers.
Jeff White 1 day ago
This one comes within the galaxy of "If he doesn't hit you, then he doesn't love you." But nothing can top that one.
#38
I had someone ask my accent so I told them I was Australian, and they were stunned. Then asked how long I had been living in the country so I told them one year and they almost choked and said "Wow, your English is so good!!!".
Beak Hookage 1 day ago
As an Australian I am unable to read this post because I only speak/read Australian.
#39
1) essential oils stopped them from getting Covid.
2) NASA was responsible for the helium shortage because they use it to keep the stars in the sky.
Charlotte A. 1 day ago
Just wait until we run out of essential oils because NASA used them all to keep the stars looking shiny.
#40
My coworker thought that when a liquor bottle said ‘spirit’ on the label, that it had an actual spirit in it. Like a ghost.
#42
My ex is Australian. He went back to his country when I was a few months pregnant and had no contact for years.
When he reached out our son was almost two. Son was born and raised in US with no contact from paternal family.
Ex asked if our son had an Aussie accent.
#43
I don't know if it's THE stupidest but last Thanksgiving we had a fire in the fire pit. The smoke was hitting my stepson in the face, making him cough, and you could tell it was burning his eyes. Eventually, my wife, his mother asks this 18-year-old man “Why don't you move to a seat out of the smoke?”
He replied “I'm cold and the smoke is the hottest part.
We felt like failures.
Bill Swallow 1 day ago
Is it just me, or does it seem like when I move away from the smoke, the smoke shifts to follow me?
#44
Reconnected with an old friend on Christmas Eve. She launched into a chem trail speech. Convinced she sees them in the summer and the next day storms appear. Yes I’ve seen these things on Reddit but it shocked the hell out of me that an old friend would be the first person I would hear it from in person. Haven’t talked since. Texted a few times but she wants me to call. No thanks.
#45
Once heard a customer complain that we only had green wine and no white. That is just the colour of the glass Madame.
#46
“Without the dinosaurs, Jurassic Park doesn’t have much of a plot.”
#47
I did internet tech support ages ago. I was helping a guy with his connection problems over the phone. I told him to right click on his modem icon and go to properties.
He said "My right or your right?"
Over the phone.
#48
The salvation army is part of the military.
Beak Hookage 1 day ago
Well, Dr Evil did inform us that there's a "militant wing of the Salvation Army", so maybe he was telling the truth?
#50
"Those aren't statistics, it's just math".
#51
There are 61 seconds in a minute. I know everyone says 60, but it’s actually 61.
#52
A friend once asked about “way back a long time ago when cavemen rode dinosaurs”.
#53
Do you sell double sided paper?
#55
I dated a girl who insisted the moon was more important than the sun because the sun only lights the daytime when it's already light out, but the moon lights up the night when you really need it.
#56
I may have a great one ….. I used to work with this guy we will call him Joe, well Joe came up to me and started a conversation about Rihanna, and he was like she is hot, the hottest barbarian he ever saw? I asked “barbarian?” He replied yea she is from Barbaria! I said do you mean Barbados He oh that’s how you say it for a female!
I just walked away.
#57
A guy back in highschool came from a jewish family.
His brother was pretty smart, had good grades. Him? Not so much, he was always failing everything.
One day he said "I don't need to study. Im like my brother. We jews are good at science, it's in our blood"
Yeah the guy failed in the most predictable way possible, even his brother warned him and told him he did in fact study 😂.
#58
Worked with a guy that claimed that there is a star in the center of the Earth. I really wish that I had asked him to elaborate on this.
#59
At a 4th of July fireworks show. An adult male telling a group of kids that "you see the rocket explode before you hear the boom. That's the doppler effect.".
#60
Mosquitos fly south for the winter.
#61
“I always remember my uncle’s birthday because he is exactly twice as old as me.” I swear they were serious.
#62
“Do sunflower seeds really come from sunflowers?”.
#63
If it weren’t for my horse I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.
Bill Swallow 1 day ago (edited)
This is from a Lewis Black standup routine. He claimed he'd heard someone say it, and stated "Now I know where Aneurysms come from!" (I'll put a link to the routine in a reply for those who are still confused.)
#64
A couple years ago, in my old dorm building, we had a “Show Your Interest Presentation” and we could do whatever topic we wanted. One girl went up and did her fictional crushes, which I respect, and this isn’t the girl who said the stupid stuff, no, she’s cool. At one point, she admitted to crushing on Mr. Fox from fantastic Mr Fox fame purely bc of George Clooney’s voice acting. The stupid stuff comes in when this one girl asks “Who’s George Clooney? Is he a president?”
It gets worse.
If I were to tell you George Clooney was Batman, you’d think “Oh, he played the character, got it.” As one does. This girl just says, when she’s told George Clooney was Batman, “I thought that was Bruce Wayne.”
#65
Do elephants lay eggs?
#66
“George, are chipmunks baby squirrels?”.
Nikki Sevven 18 hours ago
Overheard in a doctor's waiting room: "Black squirrels are the offspring of grey squirrels and black cats." I struggled with my laughter and tried to play it off as a coughing fit.
#67
I heard a contestant on Project Runway say this when in Central Park. "It's just like a movie, but in 3D".
#68
Knew a girl who thought you could drive from the USA to South Korea because her friend went through San Diego to get there. She was fine though so paid it no attention.
#69
“You can’t have it that cold, the pipes will freeze.” The building was set for 60 degrees Fahrenheit.
What do you think ?
Rex-a-Roni 1 day ago
Talking about my upcoming travel plans to the East Coast, I had a COWORKER tell me that "There's no such state called 'Maine'!". I drew a map and everything. She still didn't believe me. A few minutes later, she asked me, "...is *Ireland* one of the United States?" I was speechless.
Nikki Sevven 18 hours ago
A coworker from New York City insisted to me that scallops were circles of meat cut from fish cheeks. I literally had to draw her a picture of a scallop shell, then a front view with the scallop inside. (This was long before the internet.)
Darrel Fildes 18 hours ago
Had coworker relate to me how they had her son (17) stand on an upside-down bucket and lite a fireworks mortar under it. She said it was so funny when it blew him 5 get in the air. I was mortified that a parent would that to their child and told her so.
Lee Gilliland 20 hours ago
I don't despair about humanity, but this list certainly has me wondering.
JL Webb 14 hours ago
Hilarious when the MAGAts said that about Biden but always want to volunteer that they voted for Trump twice. So does that mean they voted for Hillary, Biden, or Harris because Trump ran 3x. Must be too hard to count to 3. 😂
Load More Replies... Rex-a-Roni 1 day ago
Talking about my upcoming travel plans to the East Coast, I had a COWORKER tell me that "There's no such state called 'Maine'!". I drew a map and everything. She still didn't believe me. A few minutes later, she asked me, "...is *Ireland* one of the United States?" I was speechless.
Nikki Sevven 18 hours ago
A coworker from New York City insisted to me that scallops were circles of meat cut from fish cheeks. I literally had to draw her a picture of a scallop shell, then a front view with the scallop inside. (This was long before the internet.)
Darrel Fildes 18 hours ago
Had coworker relate to me how they had her son (17) stand on an upside-down bucket and lite a fireworks mortar under it. She said it was so funny when it blew him 5 get in the air. I was mortified that a parent would that to their child and told her so.
Lee Gilliland 20 hours ago
I don't despair about humanity, but this list certainly has me wondering.
JL Webb 14 hours ago
Hilarious when the MAGAts said that about Biden but always want to volunteer that they voted for Trump twice. So does that mean they voted for Hillary, Biden, or Harris because Trump ran 3x. Must be too hard to count to 3. 😂
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