43 Times People Said Something So Damn Stupid They Created A Truly Memorable Experience
What an incredible twist of fate - one of the greatest minds that humanity has ever known in its entire history remains in our memory not so much because of his ingenious theories, but because of an accidental, completely ridiculous photograph with his tongue out when he just wanted to tease the photographer.
Yes, history knows many examples when very smart and decent people accidentally blurted out something incredibly stupid - and then regretted what they said for many-many years. And then collections of such 'gems' rack up thousands of upvotes and laughable comments online - like, for example, this one in the AskReddit community, the best stories from which we bring to your attention today.
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I was on a long train trip, gazing out the window, when I said to my friend: “I feel like every railroad crossing gate we’ve passed since I’ve been looking has been down… what are the odds…”
I have a PhD (not in trains).
I was watching a TV show (can't remember what) with my family. There was this cute black girl who appeared in a scene and had a nice, short hairstyle I thought was cool. I said out loud "If I was black, I would have my hair like that."
I am a black guy. I meant to say girl.
"If there are adult diapers, why aren't there adult strollers?"
My husband, looking at me like he regrets ever meeting me: "you mean wheelchairs??".
I wouldn't mind being pushed around in a huge baby stroller with a visor on it.
In fact, people do sometimes say something stupid or shameful, for different reasons, in various circumstances. Sometimes this simply becomes a consequence of a basic misunderstanding between the interlocutors, sometimes the speaker just finds themselves in a real 'stupor' in response to an unexpected request. A classic example is when you are asked to say something funny.
Have you ever encountered anything like this? As soon as someone asks you about it, even if you have been doing standup comedy all your life, have watched all the sitcoms in the world and know all the sites with jokes by heart, you will clearly 'freeze' in a painful attempt to remember something. Don't believe me? Then come on, remember something funny right now!
Back when I was working my first job at a mcdonalds during highschool, I was made manager and one of my coworkers was a guy named Miles. We called him Kilometers because hurr durr such original joke.
Anyway, one day I was grabbing a drive thru order while also trying to stock stuff and I noticed we were out of napkins, so what I MEANT to say was "Hey Miles, can you go grab us some napkins from the back real quick?"
What I ACTUALLY said was "Hey Napkins, can you go grab us some stuff from the back real quick?"
And everyone stared....
IN SILENCE
After a few seconds, Miles realized I was looking at him when I said it and said "Did...you just call me 'Napkins'?"
My brain went over what I just said as the embarassment said in and I just answered "Yes. Yes as a matter of fact, I did."
His nickname was no longer Kilometers. He was Napkins from that day on.
In HS I was announcing Bingo for our mostly (not me) Polish community. I proudly stated that the next round's winner would also be getting a Kosher ham. The hall broke out in hysterics. I learned that the delicious ham was a Krakus, famous brand of Polish ham. Nothing to do with Jewish food prep and pork.
Me to the lady that I thought looks like me (as I was in passing): “Oh hey! It looks like we could be twins!”
My reflection: …..
It had been a long shift.
One time I was in the grocery store and a couple were in front of the jar of pickles I wanted to get. They noticed me standing there and said, "Oh, are we in your way?"
They moved and I grabbed the jar. I then turned to them and said, "Thanks." Then--for some reason I'll never understand--added, "I like pickles."
They must have been thinking, "Well, it's nice that they let him do his shopping on his own.
In addition, there are two reasons why stupid words and phrases from smart people are remembered. Firstly, because they aren't expected to do anything stupid, and against the general 'highbrow' background, these unexpected remarks stand out like Jerry Jones against the background of the current NFL free agent market. And secondly, people are prone to reflection - and the stupidity said will quite possibly torment a person with shame for years and even decades.
"You hit me in the cervix!"
I am a man. I meant sternum. Still have to shake that memory out of my head sometimes.
My manager's manager asked me to ballpark the percentage of time I was spending on each of my three projects. I confidently told him: 75% on project A, 25% on project B, and 25% on project C. I heard my cubicle neighbor laughing (didn't immediately click that she was laughing at me). Manager's manager paused a moment, then in a very kind and patient voice (like he was speaking to a Labrador with a learning disability) "So, I'd like those numbers to add up to 100%. Can you try again?" Then it dawned on me.
Years ago a coworker and I were discussing how many Japanese people apparently have a KFC dinner for Christmas. We then wondered "What do they do for Thanksgiving?" and began attempting to google it. Spent quite a few minutes trying to search it up, remarking to each other in confusion that we couldn't find anything at all. I then realized how incredibly stupid we were.
“People tend to remember negativity against an overall good background - this is a general trend,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. “For example, it's enough to compare the ratio of good and bad reviews on the page of any decent restaurant.”
"And this, again, is quite understandable. If we go to a restaurant which is considered to be great, then by default we expect great service - and take it for granted. Otherwise, this causes a clear reaction of rejection. And the adrenaline reaction to negativity encourages people to act much stronger, than positive impressions. So it turns out that stupid phrases from smart people are remembered for a long time. However, the opposite is also true," Irina summarizes.
Me, crossing the border from Mexico to CA. Border Patrol guy. " what is your country of origin?" Me, thinking That's easy! Me to border guard "California" Guy gave me a look for a moment, and then just said, "Go,"
Got introduced to identical twins. First thing I said was "wow, how can you guys tell each other apart?".
I've been asked by at least three people if my niece and nephew are identical twins. Always after they've gotten to know they are a boy and a girl. But even if you know nothing of science they look nothing alike. Hair colour, skin tone, face etc they are very, very different.
OK , here goes, I was going to be late for my Psychology class. The teacher had already warned me not to be late.
What do I see in my rear view mirror on the way to class? You guessed it , I was speeding and it was Police lights ! So I pull over and I give the Officer my drivers license, reg and ins. papers, and he seemed very friendly and nice, and he says I will be right back pureGoldie, Thats when i got real dumb, I said "Oh btw , will you write me a note for my teacher? Ive already been warned not to be late today? I know this is making me late for sure!" He replied with a big smile , "Oh , I am going to write you a note, alright!"
Yep , I was that dumb.
In any case, the selection of stories that we've collected in this list is incredibly interesting and funny, so please feel free to scroll it to the very end and maybe add your own tales here. After all, each of us has come up with some incredible stupidity at the most inopportune moment. Me too, by the way. So let's do this - if this post collects 100 upvotes and comments, I definitely tell you in the comments which stupidity I once blurted out (and just believe me, it's damn worth it)!
What's a chocolate bar?
A lady told me that she loved chocolate bars and I pictured a bar that serves chocolate instead of booze for a moment, and then I felt very stupid.
"your born in december?? that sucks you have to wait a whole year for your birthday".
I'm at that age in life where I wish it was *more* than a year before my next birthday
Was really blanking on this casual friend’s last name. I talk to them pretty regularly and everything. But I was just BLANK. Wouldn’t come to me so had to go to Facebook and look it up. We have the same last name.
Not too much ice please, don't wanna water it down. (It was literally just a cup of ice water).
"Garbage truck drivers must have the chillest job in the world. They only work one day a week!"
- me for the first 16 years of my life.
I called my husband in a panic because I couldn’t find my phone. I actually asked him if he knew where my phone was. His answer - ah..in your hand? So yeah.
I said it would be nice if we had a “mirror app”!
Long time ago, before front cameras, I saw an app that would make the screen black so it would sort of be a mirror. You could just turn the screen off though...
When planning a trip to America, I was very confused as to why google maps was refusing to give me a walking route to the Statue of Liberty. Turns out you can’t walk to the Statue of Liberty because it’s in the water 🙃.
This one still haunts me. I once was having surgery and in walks the anesthesiologist to ask me questions and see if I had any for him. I said, "just two. Do people dream?" And he responds, "not usually. What's your other question?" And I said, "is it normal to be afraid I won't wake up." And he goes, "I promise you will."
Me: "well I bet I won't!"
I. BET. I. WON'T.
I bet the anesthesiologist I was going to die. Like a f*****g idiot.
You can actually dream whilst under anesthetic my mum did and when they brought her round after her surgery she asked the nurse "as it finished yet" the nurse asked if she meant the surgery my mum replied "no power rangers tell my kids to turn it off im sick of seing it" she had dreamt my siblings and i were watching power rangers and forgot she had just had surgery she said it was one of most embarrassing moments of her life lol
One time I said I wish I could swim in the air & my friend said “You mean flying?”.
I was at home in my apartment alone and cleaning up and realized I hadn’t plugged the vacuum in. “Come on John,” I said out loud to myself, which was weird since I never talk to myself out loud, and the worst part was it came out, “C’mon Jnonn”
Like how do I call myself by name and then pronounce it wrong.
I was in grade 1, had a Canadian girl come to my school, sprung up a friendship. Looked her dead in the eyes and asked. "What swear words do you know in Canadian" she tried to tell me multiple times it was the same words and I refused to believe her. I toss and turn at night knowing she probably tells people that now.
Claimed that the slowest animal is probably an enema. I misspoke and meant to say anemone. I'll never forget the looks of confusion from my coworkers.
Asked a server at a Mexican restaurant if their quesadillas had cheese in them. In front of my Mexican American grandfather. He very patiently asked me what the Spanish word for cheese was and then I realized my mistake.
"it gives me testosterone"
serotonin. i meant serotonin.
What is the name of the dog from schobby doo.
Well, there was Scrappy-Doo (younger nephew of Scooby-Doo), Scooby-Dum (older nephew), Scooby-Dee (niece), Yabba-Doo (brother), Dooby-Doo (another brother), Mumsy en Dada Doo (parents), Whoopsy-Doo (another nephew), Ruby-Doo (sister and mother of Scrappy-Doo), Skippy-Doo (smart brother with glasses), Howdy-Doo (another brother), Horton-Doo (uncle) and Dixie-Doo (brother).
My boss asked me to print an address label for some documentation they had to mail out.
My printer was out of ink so I told her I was unable to print said label/mail the document out in time
....she then explained that I could just _write it by hand_.
Smrt.
I don’t know if this counts because praise the Lord I did not say it aloud.
The scene:
Me, a college senior still living in a dorm doing my weekly snacks and root beer run at the local Wal-Mart
The thought: “Man, how do people with a whole family grocery shop? Like what do you do if you buy more than you can fit in your arms?”
Carts. That’s what carts are for.
Playing table tennis with my partner and having the absolutely phenomenal brainwave of 'hey wouldn't it be cool if this was like a game that was way bigger with a big net and you have to like run around to get the ball and oh wait that's just tennis.'
This the same week and I was holding my daughter up in front of a low fish tank so I was squatting down and thought 'it would be so helpful if someone could like something sturdy to push under you while you squat to make it more comfortable oh wait that's literally a chair'.
"Huh, it's funny, I haven't ever seen a Bruce Willis movie."
"You haven't seen Die Hard?"
"Oh wait yeah I did see Die Hard."
"Sixth Sense?"
"Oh yeah that too"
"Fifth Element? Armageddon?"
:..........."
Turns out I've seen a lot of Bruce Willis movies.
I made a dentist appointment yesterday. They gave me a date and asked if 10:50 was a good time.
I replied with "I'm assuming that is 10:50am...".
About two months ago I learned of the existence of 24h dentist practices. No idea if this exists in th USA, but in some countries the question is not impossible :-)
Ordered a burger with no onions, then onions rings because I don’t like onions. The look the waitress gave me was priceless. She said I think you maybe just don’t like onions raw. Yeah…that’s what I said. I don’t like onions. Argued with her for 5 minutes and couldn’t understand why she was questioning if I wanted onions on that burger.
It was years ago and I was waiting tables. A lady came in and asked for a hot diet coke. I asked how tf I was supposed to make her a hot diet coke. She told me to put it in the microwave. My response verbatim.
" But the ice will melt ".
What in the actual... I've been in the service industry for 22 years and I have never heard of this. Is this a thing?
I was at a job interview for a baking job. The Interviewer asked me if I know how to bake. I told her no but I can read.
Meaning I can follow the directions of a recipe.
About ten years ago or so I was at a restaurant and went to the restroom. I told my mom and daughter, "When the waitress comes back, can you have her bring some more ice?
My water is too watery."
My family does not le me forget.
My girlfriend asked me to put her clothes in the dryer and I got irritated and said “well where are they???”.
I once thought that Alaska was an island because it's always shown separate on maps. I felt so dumb.
I asked what half of 200 was. When I was given looks of “you’re joking right?” I quickly realized what an idiot I really was.
Had a friend in college whose sister was taking an ASL course. He started asking a question and I tried so hard to stop him because I could see the wheels spinning in his head. He asked,
“So can you read Braille?”.
When my youngest son got married, one of the staff saw my flower on the wrist and asked me who I was. "Mother of the Bride!" No you're not, said THE mother of the bride! LOL. And I had just came in and she was already 3 drinks down.
Asked my sister why the flags were all flying the same way. As an adult. Just one of many dumb things I have said when my brain has timed out.
I took a friend boating and a fire boat passed. He asked if I knew how much water they carried.
When my youngest son got married, one of the staff saw my flower on the wrist and asked me who I was. "Mother of the Bride!" No you're not, said THE mother of the bride! LOL. And I had just came in and she was already 3 drinks down.
Asked my sister why the flags were all flying the same way. As an adult. Just one of many dumb things I have said when my brain has timed out.
I took a friend boating and a fire boat passed. He asked if I knew how much water they carried.
